This Saturday Is Free Comic Book Day

Saturday bafflement

Ziggy, 4/30/11

This Ziggy really just raises a lot more questions than it answers. What is the nature of this “phony,” exactly? Is it a mere stuffed horse, which stands there unmoving, thus providing a singularly unimpressive “ride,” even at the very low proposed price? Or is that a horse costume, with someone inside of it? Either way, is there some significance to the long, lush lashes on the phony’s eyes, which is generally cartoon shorthand for “sexy lady”? And what are we to make of the smiling, guileless expression on face of the phony’s handler? The level of unseemly horror lurking just below the surface of this Ziggy panel is really off the charts.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/30/11

Funky Winkerbean similarly seems to promise some hidden payoff that doesn’t quite come into focus. Are we meant to contrast the present day, when technology is a deadly serious part of even the smallest business’s operations, with the gentler decades past, when nefarious computers were restricted only to video gaming? Or maybe there isn’t any point here at all. Maybe Montoni just got tired of talking to Funky about this computer business, went downstairs, and blew off some steam by playing video games, wiling away the hours before his inevitable tragic death.

Dennis the Menace, 4/30/11

Chicks dig it when a dude just insouciantly chugs down a frosty drink and then stone cold throws the glass on the floor, because he just doesn’t give a shit. Mrs. Wilson knows the score!

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 1, 2011 at 09:20 pm and is filed under Dennis the Menace, Funky Winkerbean, Ziggy. | 60 responses to “” Rocky Stoneaxe
May 1st, 2011 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

I think I’ve found the inspiration for Ludwig, the cat in Arlo & Janis:

http://www.lambiek.net/artists/m/marcus_jerry/marcus_fatcat.jpg

It’s “Fatkat” from the Jerry Marcus comic strip, Trudy (1963-2005).

Frank Lee Meidere
May 1st, 2011 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

Ziggy may be even more disturbing than you fear, Josh. I think Ziggy’s at a rural furry convention.

Roto13
May 1st, 2011 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

Saturday’s Funky Winkerbean is about the death of the American arcade. I don’t know what game this guy is playing, though. “Kish kish kish”? Is just purposefully losing at Frogger or something? Is this the comic sections answer to cutting?

Rusty
May 1st, 2011 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

FW: Nobody has ever fallen down that cellar stairwell and cracked their skull open? You could slip 2 Wally’s in the gap where the risers should be.

DtW:An adult Dennis would be the hunkiest character in many strips, including Foob, 9CL, Luann and Spiderman. Hell, little boy Dennis could kick every character’s ass except Dirk.

pugfuggly
May 1st, 2011 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

To answer the mystery of today’s Ziggy, the horse is just an inanimate stuffed decoy, and the ‘phony’ is the grinning carny. And you just yourself bought a ride, all right….

S. Stout
May 1st, 2011 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

Ziggy’s never ridden anyone in his life and likely never will, so this is his big chance! With the cost priced at Ziggy’s income level and his pants already off, Ziggy is ready for action.

Lorne
May 1st, 2011 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

@Roto13 (#3): The game is the original Space Invaders.

BigTed
May 1st, 2011 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

I think Mr. Wilson wins the menacing contest here. It would be awfully hard to break a drinking glass on a carpet (or blue linoleum floor, it’s hard to tell). So clearly Dennis has been given one of the Acme Slip ‘n’ Shatter Novelty Glasses the old man keeps on hand for just this purpose. Soon he’ll develop such a reputation for clumsiness that his folks will have no choice but to start him on ADHD meds years ahead of schedule.

Andie
May 1st, 2011 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

re: Ziggy. I just had the oddest urge to watch Clerks 2.

Mars
May 1st, 2011 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

@Lorne (#7): I thought, based on the cabinet art, it was Berzerk.

Lorne
May 1st, 2011 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

The most disturbing thing about the “Phony” in the Ziggy cartoon?
That’s not a tail!

SamECircle
May 1st, 2011 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

WHY IN THE HECK DID TODAY’S ZIGGY MAKE ME LAUGH???
I just looked at it, and chuckled. I wasn’t even feeling all that happy today, but that Ziggy just brought a smile to my face. I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHY! The pun’s not funny, the premise doesn’t make sense, but that, for me, and for NO GOOD REASON, is a really funny cartoon! Theories?

Frank Lee Meidere
May 1st, 2011 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

@SamECircle (#12): The one joke that made my wife laugh hardest goes like this:

“Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?”
“I don’t know. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?”
“Because it was dead.”

Sometimes nonsense works. Just ask Charles Dodgson.

Robert
May 1st, 2011 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

Oooh! Oooh! Mr. Kotter! I know this one!

Pizza parlors made a FORTUNE off of arcade games. FW is actually making a fairly subtle but quite valid point. The older pizza guy is saying that he believes in the new technology…because he benefited from the first big tech wave. He’s seen it done.

pugfuggly
May 1st, 2011 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

My first thought when I saw the ominous art on the arcade game on in Saturday’s Funky was of the legend of Polybius, the mysterious, addictive game born of a massive government conspiracy. And considering that the game supposedly led people to insomnia, depression and eventually suicide, it seems possible that this single machine may have infected the entire town back in the 80s. Only Tony plays it now, feeding his playing addiction, all the while unknowingly sending further data back to Illuminati headquarters…

(I see it’s been identified now as the original space invaders…well, good information should never get in the way of a good conspiracy story, right?

Walker of Dog
May 1st, 2011 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

I’d feel a lot better knowing for sure that the tail is stitched on, and not attached with a zipper.

@SamECircle (#12): You’re tweaking? Or hopped up on the internet? Something disorienting.

bartcow
May 1st, 2011 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

Honest to God, I wasn’t seeing the side of a video game console in the basement. I saw an unspeakable mouthless demon and its familiar emerging from a closet, ready to receive its weekly sacrifice from Montoni. Ritual sacrifice makes a “kish kish kish” sound, by the way.

Sure, demons living under a small town wreaking havoc on its citizens is a blatant Stephen King ripoff, but by god, does it explain a lot.

Maggie the Cat
May 1st, 2011 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#2):

That comment gave me three chuckles. As for Ziggy attending the RFC, I think the only costume he could pull off would be a porcupine or armadillo, though they aren’t actually furry. The armadillo or porcupine would be like the leather and studded version of furries. Ziggy is one freaky cartoon.

Malimar
May 1st, 2011 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

ogawd, I just unironically laughed aloud at Ziggy, what is wrong with me?

langostino
May 1st, 2011 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

If there is a person inside Ziggy’s pony, it is a person who has been sewn into the costume!

In other words, it is a furry with a level of commitment that goes far beyond mere kinky sex play.

Oavis
May 1st, 2011 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

I see Montoni is having a go at his favorite video game, “The Spectre of Death.”

Doctor Handsome
May 1st, 2011 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

Patients dying because their nurse is addicted to twitter I can handle, but an old man addicted to to the Space Invaders machine in a pizzeria basement? That is just unfathomably depressing.

Alan's Addiction
May 1st, 2011 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

I applaud today’s “Ziggy” for its attempts to make defrauding children and families “cute” or “charming.”
I have just one question about today’s “Funky Winkerbean:” what the hell kind of game is that? Based on the art on the side, it could be “Werewolf Pole-dancer,” which would be both fun and disturbing. Or maybe that’s supposed to be a large hairy hand beckoning or pointing or something. Of course, this is idle speculation, because we all know that the only constants in the Funkyverse are cancer and death. Which means that the video game is something like “Cancer: The Game,” or “Mortal Death,” or “The Hospice.”
I like to think that Mr. Wilson’s evil, hate-filled gaze caused Dennis’s glass to implode. I think that giving Mr. Wilson freaky mind-powers would make this strip the indisputable greatest thing, ever. If you disagree with that statement, merely imagine it as, “Grumpy Old Men: Scanners.” Still don’t like the idea? That’s all right; telekinetic Mr. Wilson knows where you live and can literally change your mind.

Oavis
May 1st, 2011 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

@SamECircle (#12): There is something funny about it. Maybe it’s the suggestion of deeper meaning offered by the identical knee patches on both the phony and its master (or slave). That means something, and I’m going to go watch “White Pongo” instead of trying to figure it out.

Dr. Weird
May 1st, 2011 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

@Robert (#14):

Wow, that’s a really good idea… though it does seem a bit subtle for FW. My thought is related to Josh’s: Montoni retreating from modern tech to take solace in simpler things, the three buttons of Space Invaders.

It was a well-rendered Space Invaders cabinet, I must admit. Have to wonder how they got it down those stairs without killing someone though. Maybe that’s what happened to (that character we haven’t seen lately).

FOOBed again
May 1st, 2011 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

@Doctor Handsome (#22): Well, everything in Westview is depressing, and it’s probably better than talking to Funky.

Maggie the Cat
May 1st, 2011 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

If Nurse Liza were to be played on the big screen, Kristen Wigg would have to play her, IMO. Only she could be so creepily comical like Liza. That last panel in Sunday’s MW where she’s waving in a “YooooohOOOO!!!” singsong-like way is just very Kristen Wiig.

Charles
May 1st, 2011 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

@Alan’s Addiction (#23): I would totally play a video game called “Werewolf Pole Dancer”.

Dr. Weird
May 1st, 2011 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

@Alan’s Addiction (#23):

No sense of history these days… It’s Space Invaders! Granted, the games themselves didn’t have much in the way of graphics, so they needed evocative cabinet art to tell the story and attract people… even if it had nothing to do with what was on the screen.

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5176/5491132125_33cf8eb892.jpg

http://img.engadget.com/common/images/3060000000048027.JPG?0.5243646637858981

arto
May 1st, 2011 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

If you really want to hear about today’s Ziggy, the first thing you probably want to hear is about where Ziggy was born, and what a lousy childhood he had, and how his parents were occupied before they had him, and all that For Better or For Worse kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. That stuff kind of bores me.

Chance
May 1st, 2011 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

@arto (#30): If only Ziggy became fixated on the totemic power of a pair of pants and not a read hunting cap with flaps.

Naked Bunny with a Whip
May 1st, 2011 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

the leather and studded version of furries

/me checks his Morphicon program

Dang.

Poteet
May 1st, 2011 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

ZIGGY — Is there a place where people really chew grass blades while wearing hats like that? I’ve never seen anyone doing it here.

NoahSnark
May 1st, 2011 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

Being old enough to remember playing that video game when it first came out, Funky Winkerbean has dragged me into a pit of depression and despair over my own mortality. Which, admittedly, makes this one of the most light-hearted strips Tom Batiuk has ever written.

[Old Man] Muffaroo
May 1st, 2011 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

Who’s inside the horse costume?

Another horse.

He’s only pretending to be two humans.

Inside the human costume?

Don’t ask. Really.

Hoverboy
May 1st, 2011 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

Oh…it’s a fake pony. Ha ha ha terrible.

Col. Havoc
May 1st, 2011 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

Hey, I’ve been taking nap. Anything important on the news tonight?

Rocky Stoneaxe
May 1st, 2011 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

Ziggy — This particular “joke” would work better if there were two of them:

http://stuartngbooks.com/images/detailed/18/59111_complete_panic_ec_22655.jpg

bats :[
May 1st, 2011 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

Why does Montoni give a rat’s ass about anything that happens with the restaurant. Here it is, May 1…shouldn’t he be defecting to Florida (or is that a snowbird thing, and he’s back for the balmy summer weather and mosquitoes in Westview?)?
As you can tell, I don’t give a rat’s ass about any of these characters, either.

Maggie the Cat
May 2nd, 2011 at 12:02 am [Reply]

@Col. Havoc (#37):

Well I heard there’s a new arrival somewhere real hot and fiery ;-)

Artist formerly known as Ben
May 2nd, 2011 at 12:05 am [Reply]

Mayday comics

HOTC: Heart is much more resistant to Royal Wedding fever than I would have guessed.

Lio: Representing the new science fiction sub-subgenre of Stalkerpunk.

JP: Judge Emeritus Parker is trying to talk down a suicide, and Constance’s first reaction is to Google her on her iPhone. Mary Worth, this is how technolodgy addiction is done.

SFx: Messrs Shrew and Rat go to jail because they have no money to pay for the pizza. Max impulsively eats the last slice. Mrs Gator and her son eat Max. It’s the circle of life.

S-M: “My spider sense is telling me that Martine just changed into a skimpier outfit. Funny, that’s not the part of me that usually tingles.”

Rocky Stoneaxe
May 2nd, 2011 at 12:11 am [Reply]

@bats :[ (#39):

That’s two rat’s asses… what about the third? (See below!)

@Maggie the Cat (#40):

And speaking of “hot and fiery”:

http://www.peppers.com/cube/images/uploads/ratsass3.JPG

Frank Lee Meidere
May 2nd, 2011 at 12:11 am [Reply]

@arto (#30): I saw that. Very, very nice.

SideshowJon
May 2nd, 2011 at 12:18 am [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#2): Ye Gods. He’ll certainly wish he listened to Rat’s demand that he put on pants now. Hindsight, am I right?

Yr Obt Servt
May 2nd, 2011 at 12:24 am [Reply]

“Kish! Kish! Kish!”

No. It should be “Ding! Ding! Thump!” Montoni’s clearly old enough to recall pinball games rather than this newfangled “video game” nonsense

Really, you kids and your “internet”, you worry me.

Frank Lee Meidere
May 2nd, 2011 at 12:26 am [Reply]

@SideshowJon (#44): Unless we’ve finally discovered his real reason for ignoring the advice.

Crankenstank
May 2nd, 2011 at 12:34 am [Reply]

The key, as ever, to understanding Ziggy: the “Phony” is the hillbilly nickname of the gent on the left, not the whatever-it-is on the right.

Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
May 2nd, 2011 at 12:51 am [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#41): I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who had that reaction to the last run of Lio comics. I think it says something that while I find most of Lio endearing – a comic that features monsters, zombies, and strange violence, mind you – these ones are just creepy and gross.

I suppose it’s because it’s too realistic. :/

Lisa
May 2nd, 2011 at 1:14 am [Reply]

Montoni is playing a pinball machine. I remember them well.

Rocky Stoneaxe
May 2nd, 2011 at 7:33 am [Reply]

@Col. Havoc (#37):

Hey, I’ve been taking nap. Anything important on the news tonight?

At least you weren’t taking a dirt nap like this Osama guy:

http://www.tampabay.com/blogs/media/content/see-president-obamas-announcement-about-osama-bin-laden-here

HappyFunky
May 2nd, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]

Is the Funky strip saying that Montoni invested in the last technology “boom” in 1983 by buying a space invaders game and just ended up with an old moneyloser in the basement? Lesson here is clearly “DO NOT INVEST IN YOUR BUSINESS! ALL EFFORT LEADS TO INEVITABLE FAILURE!” Classic Funky.

Well, the joke, like that Amazing Stories with Mark Hamill, is that the game in that condition is probably worth a lot of money! Montoni could be rich!

Binder's Butter Beans
May 2nd, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]

“Very low proposed price”? Listen, I wouldn’t pay 50 cents to sit on a stuffed animal. I’ve got better things to spend my four bits on. There’s a SpongeBob sticker calling my name, in the quarter machine just inside the Kroger.

Lloyd S.
May 2nd, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

Geez, it’s been well over 50 years that Dennis has been “menacing.” If he were going to grow up, he’d have likely done it already. They can’t even pull a Winkerbeanesque time leap on the strip, ’cause that would defeat the whole darned premise…

Hamburger Cheesedoodle
May 2nd, 2011 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

I couldn’t help but notice that it says ©2011 Ziggy and Friends. Ziggy has friends? Since when?

Mardou Fox
May 2nd, 2011 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

I laughed so hard at Josh’s comment on DtM that I cried. Thanks, Josh! I needed that!

SamECircle
May 2nd, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

@Oavis (#24):
It takes more than a shave to make a horrible, horrible movie.

Oavis
May 2nd, 2011 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

@SamECircle (#56): Oh god, I know that now. Still, I enjoyed the climactic gorilla-fight.

Birthmark Hal
May 3rd, 2011 at 12:04 am [Reply]

Montoni is going to come down with Pac-Man Fever and, naturally, it’s terminal.

BethB
May 3rd, 2011 at 7:16 am [Reply]

Ziggy quietly questions the wisdom of attending the Hobbies For Rednecks convention.

Greg
May 3rd, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

FW: But maybe this is the start of an exciting new plot development–Montoni is going to take on Billy Mitchell for the world record in… whatever that game is. And then in the championship game he dies of a heart attack! Genius!

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All post content © 2004–2011 Joshua Fruhlinger. Comics reproduced here for purposes of review only, and all rights remain with their creators; please don't sue me. All comments remain the property and responsibility of those who posted them. Blog powered by WordPress, which is way cool. Hosting provided by ServInt Internet Services, who are lovely people. Site designed by the charming and talented Adam Norwood; logo designed by the talented and charming Francesco Marciuliano. This blog was once known as I Read The Comics So You Don't Have To. It is in no way affiliated with Funny Paper, which used to read the comics so you don't have to, and may do so again. Are you still reading this? Why are you still reading this? A.L.

Saturday quickies

Gil Thorp, 4/2/11

That’s right, Gil’s priorities are pretty well known, and they generally involve being a smug, lazy, obstinate, and ineffective by turns. Thus, just to show up Mimi for implying he’s a goody-goody, he’s going to blatantly show favor to his star pitcher. Probably everyone’s going to be mad and there’d be a way to soothe that over, but, enh, it’d be hard, so whatever.

Blondie, 4/2/11

The “sale” being closed here, of course, is the sale of a new human victim to this monstrous mattress-beast, which has an insatiable hunger for human flesh.

This entry was posted on Monday, April 4, 2011 at 12:34 am and is filed under Blondie, Gil Thorp. | 26 responses to “” seismic-2
April 4th, 2011 at 12:47 am [Reply]

Mimi Thorp is pleasuring herself while lying solo in the double bed, while her husband sits alone in the living room, warping the fabric of space-time with his awesome mental powers. Yep, a man’s gotta have priorities.

This Guy
April 4th, 2011 at 12:48 am [Reply]

Blondie: Death Bed: The Bed that Eats! Yes, really.

CanuckDownSouth
April 4th, 2011 at 12:48 am [Reply]

I wouldn’t buy a mattress whose comfort levels are knife-points and dissolve-the-sleeper.

BTW, that “super-soft” = deflated, so you end up essentially on the hard box under the mattress.

Aviatrix
April 4th, 2011 at 12:50 am [Reply]

Thank you, Josh, for explaining that Dagwood cartoon. I had been staring at it, trying to explain to the salesman that just because the customer loses consciousness, doesn’t mean he has bought the mattress. Heck, he might have bought the farm.

Duke of Earl Grey
April 4th, 2011 at 12:53 am [Reply]

Aye Carumba! Ah, that sure takes me back to 1991…

Jim North
April 4th, 2011 at 12:55 am [Reply]

For this scene, the part of Dagwood will be played by Johnny Depp.

jvwalt
April 4th, 2011 at 1:01 am [Reply]

“For Pete’s sake,” mutters Mimi, turning away. “Not gettin’ any again tonight. Your priorities are pretty well known, and that’s why I’ve got a battery-powered Momma’s Little Helper in my nightstand drawer.”

Black Drazon
April 4th, 2011 at 1:13 am [Reply]

@Jim North (#y357): Oh, I think I remember that guest strip, congrats then! And no, I don’t believe he has. One way or another, he did work his way onto TV Tropes’ Webcomics Long Runners list so it’s paid off one way or another.

TheTJ
April 4th, 2011 at 1:17 am [Reply]

What kind of reaction is “EW-W” to something being firm? I… Oh man, I don’t think there’s any way for me to continue without this turning into some dirty joke.

Comcis Fan
April 4th, 2011 at 1:19 am [Reply]

Blondie (Monday): Blondie these days is like a Cracker Jack box with some fun surprises inside.

FW: He just can’t get over his unhappy, wimpy youth. I get it. I emphathize. Just not that interested in an ad nauseum rehash on the funny pages, which in four decades of syndicated fame apparently hasn’t been cathartic or therapeutic enough.

MW: Liza Colby is a longstanding, major character on the soap opera “All My Children.” Were they out of names at the soap character bureau?

CanuckDownSouth
April 4th, 2011 at 1:23 am [Reply]

The plot’s been drawn out so long in RMMD that the characters have forgotten what it’s all about, keep on flubbing their lines, and only got today’s installment on the 71st take – as the foreground extra falls asleep pretending to eat his burger AGAIN

Maggie the Cat
April 4th, 2011 at 1:30 am [Reply]

The plot in A3G is about to get interesting finally. Tommie will discover that Dan Diller boned Aunt Iris and Margo is about to be brutally assaulted by a sinister skeleton hand.

Maggie the Cat
April 4th, 2011 at 1:31 am [Reply]

MW, panel 3- Now that’s a line you don’t hear very often.

Maggie the Cat
April 4th, 2011 at 1:32 am [Reply]

Strike that… panel TWO.

Maggie the Cat
April 4th, 2011 at 1:34 am [Reply]

MT- I’ve heard that men often nickname their penises, but calling it “plane” is just plain weird, Mark.

Erdosign
April 4th, 2011 at 1:40 am [Reply]

Blondie – Haha, the jokes on that bed! After Dagwood’s steady diet of lunchmeat and greasy chili, eating him will send the killer bed’s cholesterol through the roof setting it up for a heart attack. Of course, if this were FW it would be dying of cancer.

Alison
April 4th, 2011 at 3:45 am [Reply]

“Sknkxxx”???

I wish this strip had another panel so Dagwood could find out the mattress is too expensive and angrily tell the salesman, “Eat my shorts!”

Finger Quoting Marko
April 4th, 2011 at 3:56 am [Reply]

For this scene, the part of the monstrous mattress-beast consuming Dagwood’s human flesh will be played by Marmaduke.

Aurora
April 4th, 2011 at 4:21 am [Reply]

I wish I’d had one of these during my first marriage. It would have been a dandy way to dispose of the body of my ex husband!
(Only kidding! Ex is still alive and well and we are decently civil to each other these days.)

pugfuggly
April 4th, 2011 at 6:55 am [Reply]

@This Guy (#2): dangit. I knew someone else was going to post that first…

Hmmmm….10 for Super-Duper Hard, 2 for Super-Duper soft, so the ‘1′ button is for ‘liquid?’ “Aye Carumba! My mattress is all over the floor now! You break it, you buy it, senor!”

Kibo
April 4th, 2011 at 7:08 am [Reply]

“Blondie” has sunk to a new low ripping off the classic movie “Death Bed”, one of the few movies worse than the actual old-timey “Blondie” movies.

If they want to rip off something better yet still tenuously related to “Blondie”, they should do “Videodrome”. “Mr. Dithers, why are you inserting THAT into THERE?”

Cholling
April 4th, 2011 at 7:18 am [Reply]

“Aye Carumba”? Apparently the middle-aged Bart Simpson, unable to land a decent job after decades of underachieving, had to make do with a gig as a mattress salesmen in the Blondieverse.

Matt
April 4th, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]

GT: Did I miss a storyline? When did Gil marry Cousin It?

Lenoxus
April 4th, 2011 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

I caught a typo in the OP! Can I keep it?

they generally involve being a smug, lazy, obstinate, and ineffective by turns

there’s either a missing noun after “ineffective”, or a superfluous “a”.

illyanadmc
April 4th, 2011 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

this mattress, it was made for me.

greghousesgf
April 5th, 2011 at 1:30 am [Reply]

Leave it to Blondie to wait for a few years after the Simpsons stopped being funny to reference it.

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Gross saturday

Momma, 3/26/11

I was all set to just write this off as more of this strip’s typical Oedipal horror, but then I actually got a good look of the chinless, mouthless nightmare on the front of Tina’s head in panel two. I don’t care how much you love your wife, there’s now way you’re going to describe that as anybody’s “gorgeous face.”

Crock, 3/26/11

Oh boy! Is Crock going to feature more jokes involving Quench the camel either threatening to slobber on people or actually slobbering on people? I am very firmly in favor of this, as it’s the first even vaguely delightful development to come occur in Crock in the entire time I’ve been inflicting it on myself. Yay for more camel saliva! God, how low are my standards that I just said that?

Marvin, 3/26/11

Having dedicated its main focus to its title character’s noxious feces for some time now, Marvin has taken the logical next step, and has begun using the aforementioned feces as the solution to most of the problems that arise within the strip’s narrative.

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 27, 2011 at 01:55 pm and is filed under Crock, Marvin, Momma. | 35 responses to “” queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 27th, 2011 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

wow. that’s a triptych of disgusto, and no mistake!

S. Stout
March 27th, 2011 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

His “wife” appears to be some sort of human-chair hybrid. Still, that’s no excuse to make out with your Momma.

Tim
March 27th, 2011 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

My goodness, Marvin is like some kind of tweaker nightmare/fantasy writ large that I not only can’t, but simply refuse to, acknowledge.

Alley
March 27th, 2011 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

Quench the Camel looks like Bullwinkle after he got caught in a clothes mangler.

kkarenb
March 27th, 2011 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

Lio – When I first glanced at Sunday”s Lio, my brain glossed over the flowers. I thought it was a dig at 9CL.

Baka Gaijin
March 27th, 2011 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

Marvin: Yes, you can smell now, doggie, but do you want to? That is a stench that’s burned into your nostrils till the day you die and even beyond.

Hank
March 27th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

RE. Marvin. Oh, come on. Is there a dog alive who doesn’t revel in the smell of $h1+?

Frank Lee Meidere
March 27th, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

9CL: So, this guy tells them he’s going out to the pond and will be “channelling Johnny Weir.” Unlike me, they actually know who Johnny Weir is, but don’t make the connection to ice skating? Then they get to the pond and can’t tell that it’s frozen, even though frozen water looks nothing like unfrozen water? Plus? How fucking pretentious can you get!

Charlene
March 27th, 2011 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

DT: I’m stunned: how am I supposed to snark such a brilliant renaissance?

Frank Lee Meidere
March 27th, 2011 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

@Charlene (#9): Even the crime-stoppers tip makes sense. Although, now it’s got me wondering about all that abandoned property in AG3.

Rocky Stoneaxe
March 27th, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

Saturday’s MOMMA reminds me of the title to a Harlan Ellison postapocalyptic science fiction story: “I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream”. Sonja Hobbs has been a hideously mutated creature since the strip’s inception, but now her daughter-in-law Tina has turned into one as well!

tb4000
March 27th, 2011 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

Crock: I’m confused. The “food” being fed to Quench….that going out or coming in?

Red Greenback
March 27th, 2011 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

Tina looks like William Holden John McCain.

Écureuil Écumant
March 27th, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Momma: Thank you, Momma’s lamp, for reminding me it’s almost mushroom season.

NoahSnark
March 27th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

Today’s Momma makes me want to go out and buy a newspaper, just so I can burn it in a desperate attempt to feel clean again.

Monty Python\'s Family Circus
March 27th, 2011 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

FC
But don’t take them out in public
Or they will stick you them the dock
And them won’t a-come a-back

Patrick
March 27th, 2011 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

I am continually fascinated with the chairs in Momma. They are always proportional in relation to the seated, made out of material the consistency of warmed marshmallows, and are always positioned in bleak, featureless rooms. If you could outfit Crock’s hills with Momma’s chairs, you’d have…well, you’d have a lumpy place to sit on a hill.

Maggie the Cat
March 27th, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (y285) Blaze? I wonder why “Flame” came to mind? Yeah, Blaze is rather strippery. “Blaze Seduction”… yeah.

Maggie the Cat
March 27th, 2011 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

Marvin will come to an abrupt end when he finally stops shitting his pants and moves on to underwear and toilets and leaves diapers behind. Without shitty diapers, there will be no more jokes.

Scott Bot
March 27th, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

Luann – Ok, is Luann just ruminating about why the school doesn’t teach things like kissing, or is she requesting a course on the subject? I really would like to know – I want to find out whether I should be irritated or nauseated by today’s strip.

Indichik
March 27th, 2011 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

Momma: Considering that his “wife” is a wax dummy propped up on the living room couch, I think kissing Momma would actually be a marked improvement.

Frank Lee Meidere
March 27th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

@Maggie the Cat (#19):
Marvin will come to an abrupt end when he finally stops shitting his pants and moves on to underwear and toilets and leaves diapers behind. Without shitty diapers, there will be no more jokes.

There were jokes?

Mike Trailmix
March 27th, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

Family Circus– How many kids do you know are shorter than the tire on a car?

Elaine Corvidae
March 27th, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

I suspect that the wife-chair in MOMMA is actually a cheap blow-up doll. Which is still better than the idea of anyone kissing Momma.

Dave Latchaw
March 27th, 2011 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

I’ve been reading the Comics Curmudgeon for awhile and have never before felt the need to comment. Reading that Marvin strip has ruined my life. Thank you.

Frank Lee Meidere
March 27th, 2011 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

@Dave Latchaw (#25): Miserly loves company; the damned, however, demand it.

One of us. One of us.

Black Drazon
March 27th, 2011 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

Considering that most of the problems that exist in Marvin’s narrative are already related to Marvin’s shit, we’ve got about a month before the entire strip is replaced by three brown rectangles that will hover inexplicably in every comics page in America, and will fall just ahead of Crock on opinion polls.

Maggie the Cat
March 27th, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

@Black Drazon (#27):

Well, sometimes they’ll be green. Or even rainbowed, if he ate Cap’n Crunch Just Berries.

demoncat
March 27th, 2011 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

the wife expression in mama is one of oh well if he wants to kiss mama i have it made. junior willing to try and regain his smell by sniffing marvin’s own personal wmd proves how evil Marvin really is . that even his diapers are to be feared.

ScienceGiant
March 27th, 2011 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#1): Seconded! I felt my stomach heave after #1, and #2, but managed to gag it down. But after the feces joke in number there, I have to wonder, is ANYONE editting the “funnies” anymore?

queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 27th, 2011 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

@ScienceGiant (#30): “Any baby with a brain could tell them everybody poops” seems to be the only controlling factor. :-(

Alison
March 27th, 2011 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

What’s really sick about all this is that a lot of people still read the funnies while they eat breakfast. I’m seriously grossed out by these strips and I’m not even eating, so I can’t image how disgusted you’d feel coming across this kind of “humor” while actually consuming food/drinks.

Chowder
March 27th, 2011 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

Marvin might almost have a joke (a predictable Marvin joke, but a joke nonetheless) if not for the fact that it gave away the punchline in the second panel.

Now serving breakfast all day
March 27th, 2011 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

If they fed Marvin kibble, the dog would love smelling the diaper pail.

Kibo
March 27th, 2011 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

I believe this is the first “Marvin” strip to openly encourage its readers to try jenkem.

http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/jenkem.asp

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Saturday quickies

The Jumble, 12/4/10

Never mind the scrambled word game that I am as usual too dumb to even attempt to solve; I just spent some time squinting at the Bieber-coiffed kid on the left, trying to figure out what exactly it says on his shirt. “Butter”? “Glitter”? “Grifters”? “GBusters”? Let’s go with “GBusters.” It’s the hip new street slang for “Ghostbusters,” which is a movie that all the young kids are talking about these days.

Archie, 12/4/10

In panel three, we can see that by “social networking” Dilton means “Craigslist casual furry encounters.”

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 4, 2010 at 06:25 pm and is filed under Archie, Jumble. | 107 responses to “” Mibbitmaker
December 4th, 2010 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

Goddammit!

Please read my #Y113 and #Y116! Thank you.

(I never expect posts on Saturday)

Arkham
December 4th, 2010 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

I feel kind of terrible for Dilton. The Riverdale High mascot is seeming more and more like some kind of serial killer/rapist with every subsequent appearance. This strip feels destined to become that scene in every horror movie, where one character insists on being alone and will only be seen again in the third act as a wreath made from intestines.

bunivasal
December 4th, 2010 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

Actually, I think Dilton is gassing that poor mascot weirdo. Look at the fear in his saucer-sized eyes as he desperately pounds on the glass.

Mibbitmaker
December 4th, 2010 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

Hey, my #113 and #116 made #1! ;o)

Archie: A furry encounter that includes a tracheotomy with eyes??? Now that’s squicky!

BigTed
December 4th, 2010 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

I always thought Dilton was too nerdy to be part of Archie’s gang. Maybe he realizes that “going to Pop’s” is teen slang for “beat you up in the parking lot.”

zenvelo
December 4th, 2010 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

in that third word in the Jumble “hookers” is misspelled…

zenvelo
December 4th, 2010 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean: Les met a hooker in San Diego named Destiny.

zenvelo
December 4th, 2010 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth has the weirdest weddings. Since when does the groom wait tables at the rehearsal dinner?

Danzig
December 4th, 2010 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

I want to see Mary Worth go through a TSA patdown. Is that too wierd?

Brent
December 4th, 2010 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

My solution to the Jumble: HATE “TEDDY”. Because apparently they’re not only history students, they’re also not down with Roosevelt’s progressive ways.

Jonn
December 4th, 2010 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

I am fairly certain Archie’s artists are just trolling now.

Pseudo3D
December 4th, 2010 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

Great, now Batiuk is sending Les to Houston, having crushed San Diego’s will to live.

Personally, I’d like to see a crossover comic between Funky Winkerbean and Mark Trail.

FACT: We’d all like to punch Les right now.
FACT: Les has facial hair, and plenty of it.
FACT: Mark likes to punch men with facial hair.

Connect the dots!

Deon
December 4th, 2010 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

Of all the recurring background characters in the Archie strip; mascot who never takes his costume off is starting to creep me out a little.

Amateur
December 4th, 2010 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

@Danzig (#9): Yes.

Poteet
December 4th, 2010 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

JUMBLE — It’s obvious from their lascivious expressions that these alleged “history students” are using numbers as code for unspeakable sex acts. I can’t believe that kid on the left said “1939″ in a public place. He ought to get his mouth washed out with soap.

Poteet
December 4th, 2010 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

ARCHIE — Gaaaaaaah, once again we see a thinly-disguised version of Dogman from THE SHINING, and he’s looking right at me. Back to therapy I go.

Austria
December 4th, 2010 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

Luann: Do I want to know.
This…this whole fiasco is interesting to me. People, the things I’ve seen would undoubtedly make some of you feel the need to upchuck. Me being a fangirl and all. And yet…this comparatively tame display of pushing-the-boundaries-of-PG newspaper comic sexuality actually makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. Amazing.

MT: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT IS THAT

MW: Jill’s stubborn “No” actually got a laugh out of me. It’s sad when the soap opera strips are the ones that make you laugh.

PBS: Dare I hope…? Has Officer Potus become a recurring character?!

Zits: He says, as she stirs a bowl of pink goo.

Riff Chick
December 4th, 2010 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

RE: Archie – “In panel three, we can see that by ’social networking’ Dilton means ‘Craigslist casual furry encounters.’”

Masterful.

JDM
December 4th, 2010 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

Is there any other way to read that Archie strip?

Mustang
December 4th, 2010 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

That dog behind that window has those weird eyes from Shylock Fox in its chest, and so I am about creeped out enough to hang it up and go on and do more normal things with what is left of my life.

Walker of Dog
December 4th, 2010 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

With the basic knowledge gained from a quick trip through the adult reference section, and following a little light roleplaying (as desperate young lovers in a world on the brink of war), the history students did |E|A|C|H| |O|T|H|E|R|.

Alfred E. Neuman
December 4th, 2010 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

@Austria (#17) Re MW: Same here. For the very first time in my life, I laughed out loud at a Mary Worth strip when I saw Jill’s face in panel 1. Nevertheless, Jill was wise to turn down Mary’s appetizer-size salmon rounds. When they’re combined with mass quantities of alcohol, projectile vomiting is inevitable. Of course, if that happened, I’d be laughing out loud at a Mary Worth strip for the second time in my life.

Tristram
December 4th, 2010 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

I can not figure out that dog.

Naked Bunny with a Whip
December 4th, 2010 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

“Craigslist casual furry encounters.”

That Dilton is quite an animal, if you don’t mind me saying so. Rar!

tb4000
December 4th, 2010 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

Goddamn you Josh, I thought this was the last safe haven on the internet where I would be safe from Justin Bieber-isms, but they found me.

fishmorgjp
December 4th, 2010 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

I don’t know if that’s a window in the background; it might be a flat-screen TV hooked up to Dil’s laptop.

Chowder
December 4th, 2010 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

The Archie Joke Generating Laugh Unit 3000 may not quite understand humor, but it’s got awkward stupidity spot on.

Red Greenback
December 4th, 2010 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

Archie: So, at the window, there’s a giant dog with a VHS cassette on his collar… hmmm. Apparently the AJGLU 3000 is turning this venerated comic strip into some kinda weird Mark… Tracy hybrid. Oh well, Go Fightin’ Maxelladoodles!

Jumble: [1][3][3][7] [5][P][3][3][K]

carbunicle
December 4th, 2010 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

@JDM (#19): Not any more.

hibbleton
December 4th, 2010 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

Dilton can’t join his friends because his spaghetti arms can’t handle the world’s largest laptop. And why is he wearing two monocles in panel two?

NoahSnark
December 4th, 2010 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

Adding to the surreal atmosphere, that is when Archie and Veronica learned that Dilton’s ring tone was “How much for that doggy in the window”.

yaoi huntress earth
December 4th, 2010 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

FW: On the bright side, we all know that eventually Les’ fans will want another book and since he’s already used up his dead wife, he’s got nothing and will be a one-hit wonder.

dale
December 4th, 2010 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

JUMBLE: G is THE written vertically.

LUANN: Aside from this story is making me sick and afraid to look at it each new day, does massaging a cramp do any good?
I had a minor cramp in my foot this morning. I did not sit down in the parking lot and take my shoe off.

The Ghost of Jarrod
December 4th, 2010 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

@yaoi huntress earth (#32):

It’s Westview. One of the three women who are inexplicably attracted to Les will inevitably come down with liver cancer. And then — ka-ching! — Les is in bidness again.

Filthy Assistant
December 4th, 2010 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

I’m guessing the jumble is “They ‘Dated’”. I also can never seem to get the actual scrambled words. I think I may be literally retarded when it comes to jumbles.

Chance
December 4th, 2010 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

Since Josh has made at least two references to mascots in previous Archie strips, today’s cameo is clearly an attempt to get Josh’s attention. And it worked.

Chance
December 4th, 2010 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

@Filthy Assistant (#35): Really? I see the words instantly. Hasty. Tuned. Kosher. The letters are just… there.

KarMann
December 4th, 2010 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

@Filthy Assistant (#35): You’re right, but it’s not nice to put it in plain text here, without even a spoiler warning. The preferred way to conceal it is to put it in mouseover text, but not everyone’s HTML skills are up to that. [*]

KarMann
December 4th, 2010 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

@Chance (#37): And that goes double for you, mister! [*]

The Ridger
December 4th, 2010 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

I do the Jumble every day, and my father and brothers and I email the results to each other. What’s odd is that sometimes we all have the exact same experience with it – be that good or bad, sometimes a word just kicks our butt(s) – but sometimes one or two of us get kicked around while the others find it a breeze. Today’s we all did with little or no trouble…

Pseudo3D
December 4th, 2010 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

What I found most troubling is the waiter’s expression in the second panel.

He holds shame, but doesn’t want to quite to look down, leaving a stunned yet horribly awkward look in his eyes. Knowing that the woman about to married doesn’t even care for the hors d’oeuvres he has, even if it something tasteless like re-toasted Nilla Wafers, he contemplates his pathetic life.

commodorejohn
December 4th, 2010 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

@yaoi huntress earth (#32): Well, that’s why he’s got Cayla and Susan on retainer…it’s always good to keep a couple potential tragedies around in case you need something to flesh out later! Of course, if he were really on the ball, he’d check in with Wally, but since the Westview town policy is “forget he even exists because fuck him,” I guess Les doesn’t want to buck the trend. That or he just can’t conceive of anything that doesn’t affect him personally being tragic enough to be worthy of his Serious Writing Genius.

Sequitur
December 5th, 2010 at 12:01 am [Reply]

FW: Les will not be able to survive Houston. There’s too many happy people there.

ElkMeadow
December 5th, 2010 at 12:01 am [Reply]

I like the idea, mentioned somewhere above, once or twice, of Les being a one-shot wonder; it’s nice that the John Darling book is already on the out-of-print list in the FW universe. Unfortunately, all four women who are waiting for him got the books somehow, somewhere, to prove their devoted fandom.

xpo
December 5th, 2010 at 12:20 am [Reply]

Today’s Jumble is a coded question in its entirety:

HYATS UDTNE HOKERS DABINT

UDTNE HOKERS DABINT HYATS

You date any hookers that be in the Hyatt’s?

Pseudo3D
December 5th, 2010 at 12:20 am [Reply]

@Sequitur (#43): Alternatively: Les has a harder job crushing the souls of 2.3 million people. He will succeed, though. Les’s next task is to go to Disney World.

Sequitur
December 5th, 2010 at 12:32 am [Reply]

@Pseudo3D (#46): What? Did Les win the Super Bowl?

Walker of Dog
December 5th, 2010 at 12:39 am [Reply]

@Sequitur (#43): Don’t forget the lax gun laws. We may soon owe a large debt of gratitude to The Air-Conditioning Capital of the World.

@commodorejohn (#42): “Because Fuck ‘Em” would make a nice town motto for Westview, if they ever get tired of “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here”.

commodorejohn
December 5th, 2010 at 12:47 am [Reply]

I was in a bit of a rush this morning, so here’s some director’s-cut material from my earlier snark. [*]

Looking back at today’s Marmaduke, I think I get it: it’s like Christ’s temptation on the mountain. The nameless sage on the mountain is a standard gag-strip fixture as a dispenser of advice to other characters seeking wisdom, but here he is instead tempted away from the solitude and spiritual contemplation he has sought by promises of earthly pleasure (the Frisbee, obviously.) Naturally, Marmaduke, being a giant hell-beast occasionally shown in the company of demons, is the tempter in the strip. [*]

It strikes me now that that third panel in Funky Winkerbean is what Les looks like after he’s finished getting off to himself. “Exhausting,” indeed.

Olive Oyl’s thought process is “Wimpy and I caused a disastrous flood to strike the town, why aren’t you helping us get the government off our backs?” With an attitude like that, she should be running a nice cutthroat corporation like the United Fruit Company or something.

God, I hate Spider-Man. I used to like him back when he was Tobey Maguire in movies directed by a talented geek icon and written by people who had some basic idea of how to make a character likeable, and back before I had any idea there was such a thing as the Spider-Man newspaper comic. Now I hate him. At least this hasn’t bled over into my perception of the movies.

Rex Morgan’s lines today boil down to “gosh, not doing anything for most of the day and then briefly being driven over to the mayor’s office by my coworker to fail to accomplish my goal there was exhausting!” and he’s still more likeable than Spider-Man. Kind of.

I’m pretty sure Wiley Miller is actually who fringe conservatives are thinking at the end of their “feminist = man-hater = ultra-butch lesbian from a ’70s exploitation film” association chain.

Sequitur
December 5th, 2010 at 12:49 am [Reply]

Les’ next book Death Cat Comes to Texas.

TheTJ
December 5th, 2010 at 12:51 am [Reply]

The AJGLU3000 seems to be stuck on creepy men in animal outfits. Maybe a squirrel got in and started gumming up the works? All I know is that when the gang starts wearing pet outfits, I’m leaving.

commodorejohn
December 5th, 2010 at 12:54 am [Reply]

@TheTJ (#51): You know, I read once that Internet-infamous furry artist Doug Winger (Do. Not. Google.) did some of the background art for The Angry Beavers, and from then on I was never able to watch that cartoon quite the same way. I wonder if there’s some similar story behind these creepy mascot guys that keep showing up in Archie.

Sequitur
December 5th, 2010 at 1:11 am [Reply]

Sunday

MT: We learn from Mark Trail that animals grow a new set.

I guess that makes Ted Forth an animal. He could make guest appearance in Archie.

Comcis Fan
December 5th, 2010 at 1:12 am [Reply]

Sunday comics:

MW: I like how the restaurant doors in the first panel appear to be screaming.

FW: Cayla and Susan compete for the Mark Twainish science teacher’s attention while Les’ book our metasticizes.

S4th: Brilliant, possibly the sharpest episode of this strip.

Rocky Stoneaxe
December 5th, 2010 at 1:14 am [Reply]

Beetle Bailey — Trick question… Gen. Halftrack never had any balls to begin with!

Crock — Fortunately, the kitty litter is from Garfield’s house, so there are reusable lasagna bits!

Comcis Fan
December 5th, 2010 at 1:14 am [Reply]

Oops. I think the S4th I was commenting on ran Saturday, not Sunday (“Frosty the Businessman”).

Comcis Fan
December 5th, 2010 at 1:18 am [Reply]

@Sequitur (#43):

Good point! Houston sports fans held enormous pep rallies for the Oilers in the 70’s when the team lost in the playoffs, as they (we) were so happy and grateful the team got that far — that close to the Super Bowl. You don’t see that much elsewhere, and it just doesn’t fit with the Funkyverse’s tone of woe, complaint and self-pity.

KarMann
December 5th, 2010 at 1:22 am [Reply]

@Pseudo3D (#41): I have bad news for you (assuming you’re talking about Saturday’s Mary Worth, right?). That’s not just a waiter. That’s the bridesgroom, Scott.

Which just might make your observation even more spot-on.

Sequitur
December 5th, 2010 at 1:24 am [Reply]

Crock: I’m screaming FOUL! What the hell do they need with kitty litter in a desert full of sand?

Rocky Stoneaxe
December 5th, 2010 at 1:30 am [Reply]

Mary Worth — I’ll take Marvin’s “sweet bippy” and raise you MW’s “I won’t drink to that”! (Are Armstrong and Moy playing “Rowan and Martin: The Card Game”?

bats :[
December 5th, 2010 at 1:33 am [Reply]

Wait, what? Is it over? Huh?!?

Fashion Police
December 5th, 2010 at 1:40 am [Reply]

@zenvelo (#8):
Since this is a Charterstone wedding, and Charterstone is governed by a feudal social code, Mr. Hewlett is required to perform menial service because he is a commoner (as shown by his lack of a proper neckte) marrying up, to remind him that even after his marriage he belongs to the servant class.

Rocky Stoneaxe
December 5th, 2010 at 1:40 am [Reply]

A3G — Krazy Kat’s George Herriman is one of the senior partners, so I’m hoping Iris/Ignatz throws a brick at her new beau’s head!

Fashion Police
December 5th, 2010 at 1:45 am [Reply]

We find it disconcerting that Mrs. Morgan’s eyes match her sweater. Are her eyes always that color?

Henry B.
December 5th, 2010 at 1:50 am [Reply]

@Danzig (#9):

I want to GIVE Mary Worth a TSA pat down. I’m going to hell, aren’t I?

Rocky Stoneaxe
December 5th, 2010 at 1:53 am [Reply]

Mother Goose & Grimm — Peters’ Pan pun!

Pardon My Planet — Her name is “Onatah”… and she has purple hair!

Sequitur
December 5th, 2010 at 1:54 am [Reply]

@Henry B. (#65): You don’t need to go to hell. Your mind’s in hell already.

A New Day
December 5th, 2010 at 1:55 am [Reply]

Re: The Jumble, I’m pretty sure the shirt says “Listerine.” And here I didn’t know that Listerine sold branded merchandise – yet another youth-driven trend that’s passed me by!

Rocky Stoneaxe
December 5th, 2010 at 2:01 am [Reply]

@Henry B. (#65): Change “pat down” to “beat down” and I’m in like Flynn!

bats :[
December 5th, 2010 at 2:12 am [Reply]

I’m pretty sure the t-shirt is for The Blisters, a teen band from Chicago that formed in 2000 (if Wikipedia is to be believed).

Rocky Stoneaxe
December 5th, 2010 at 2:18 am [Reply]

Crankshaft — Songwriters Al Dubin and Harry Warren must be spinning in their graves!

Snuffy Smith — The Smif/Smith family tree doesn’t fork, so “Hubcap Smif” must be Snuffy’s brother, cousin AND nephew!

Sequitur
December 5th, 2010 at 2:29 am [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#71): Crankshaft: Spinnin’? Hell, they’re drillin’ to China!

Rocky Stoneaxe
December 5th, 2010 at 2:35 am [Reply]

Bacchus in the comics:

RMMD — Merlot and/or Cabernet for Rex and June!

Judge Parker — Chardonney for Sam and Abbey!

Mary Worth — Ripple for Jill!

Lesser Whark
December 5th, 2010 at 2:37 am [Reply]

@yaoi huntress earth (#32):

FW: On the bright side, we all know that eventually Les’ fans will want another book and since he’s already used up his dead wife, he’s got nothing and will be a one-hit wonder.

No problem. The second and third Mrs. Moores are already lining up; all Les needs for future bestseller material is to for each to meet an appropriately tragic demise. For an encore, he’ll have Miss Moore frozen in carbonite and displayed in his living room, to keep her safe from having more fun or being more successful than he ever has.

KarMann
December 5th, 2010 at 2:38 am [Reply]

Sunday MT: What’s this? Continuity in the Sunday Mark Trails? Is this going to turn into something like The Phantom, where there are two entirely separate & independent storylines, one for Sundays, and one for the rest of the week?

Apeman
December 5th, 2010 at 2:46 am [Reply]

Starchie: Dilton’s expession in the first two panels appears to be that look one gets when they really don’t want to go somewhere/be with someone because they fear what will happen. Then he turns to his computer and his expression changes a bit, just enough to make it clear that his cyber-fantasy makes him feel safer than he does in his horrible, friendless reality.

Pooch Cafe: (The title of which I don’t mangle, because I actually like it, but…) Poncho isn’t aware what a cat is. I know it’s a “Year One” storyline, but one would figure that dogs’ hatred of cats is a natural, rather than learned, instinct.

Great American Satan
December 5th, 2010 at 2:58 am [Reply]

I’m so quick to decipher the first four jumbles I sometimes have them all in my head before I finish writing the first into the spots. Other days, bluh. But here is the main thing I like about Jumbles: Unintentional poetry. Sometimes the four words will be strangely evocative. Let’s see what we get today:

Hasty Tuned Koresh Bindat.

Wait, no, Hasty Tuned Kosher Bandit. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m getting a visual off of that. Kind of like the Hamburglar with a bagel for a head, trying to get his Rickenbacker tuned at the last minute for the Battle of the Bands.

Sorry to have wasted your time.

Rocky Stoneaxe
December 5th, 2010 at 3:00 am [Reply]

Brenda Starr — Brenda throws a ringer!

Dick Tracy — Tracy and the other lawmen use terms like “human debris”, “psycho” and “ghoul” to describe Dr. Mordred… and those are just his GOOD points!

Poteet
December 5th, 2010 at 3:02 am [Reply]

@bats :[ (#61): Thank you.

Alfred E. Neuman
December 5th, 2010 at 3:05 am [Reply]

Sunday

A3G— That wacky Iris is a master of the double entendre. What she means, of course, is, “I brought you a piece offering.”

ElkMeadow
December 5th, 2010 at 3:11 am [Reply]

Prince Valiant: Story arc returns back to Prudence, chasing Ig back to the Underground. And Arn left his post as Person In Charge of wherever that castle is, and, like future Captain James T. Kirk, took two of his men to go chasing after a woman who was leaving of her own free will, as testified by the peasants in the field. Why she would stop to carve her initials in bold letters in the wall is way beyound me. I hope that the underground Labyrinth takes her not to Ig, or to a magic dance, but to the ancestor of Sawney Bean’s section of the cave.

In other words, she is still Toast. And Mordred will be coming around the mountain any week now.

Poteet
December 5th, 2010 at 3:12 am [Reply]

12/5 — Someone could do an interesting review of how authors fare in comic strips. After reading MT, FW, JP, etc., I wonder why everyone doesn’t want to be a writer.

This Guy
December 5th, 2010 at 3:21 am [Reply]

@Poteet (#82): Just combining those three, MT tells us that writers barely ever have to waste their time writing, JP tells us that they get huge wodges of cash for their first books, and FW tells us that even if you constantly bitch and moan about being underappreciated and act like a dick to your readers, the public will love you.

dyslexic dog
December 5th, 2010 at 3:25 am [Reply]

@Sequitur (#59):
I believe part of Crock’s charm is its slavish devotion to the readers’ eager suspension of disbelief.

Rocky Stoneaxe
December 5th, 2010 at 3:28 am [Reply]

@bats :[ (#61):

Never underestimate the power of Scary Gary to make or break a character… just ask the Mole Man! Thanks to a one-shot appearance in the 11-14-08 SG, he’s ascended to Spider-Man stardom!

Poteet
December 5th, 2010 at 3:38 am [Reply]

@ElkMeadow (#81): Yeah, Prudence. Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.

Poteet
December 5th, 2010 at 3:39 am [Reply]

@This Guy (#83): Exactly. It’s a dream job. And sometimes you even have to beat members of the opposite sex off with a stick.

Alfred E. Neuman
December 5th, 2010 at 3:57 am [Reply]

More Sunday

MT— I’m surprised that Elrod didn’t cite the famous explorer, Captain Jeffrey T. Spaulding, who has said of African elephants, “…we tried to remove the tusks. But they were embedded so firmly we couldn’t budge them. Of course, in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa…”

MW— That’s about the only thing Jill won’t drink to.

Mr. O'Malley
December 5th, 2010 at 4:07 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: So few people know the verses to these classic songs. Things like:
With love to lead the way I’ve found more skies of grey than any Russian play could guarantee
We get a little weary of Mr. Einstein’s theory
and so on. Of course Crankshaft has omitted huge pieces of the song.

It’s too bad he didn’t do some of Dubin and Warren’s racier verses:
When she knows as much as we know, she’ll be on her way to Reno
While he still has dough
or
He did right by little Nellie with a shotgun at his … tummy
How could he say no?

JP: Warning! Drinking black chardonnay makes your hair turn purple!

The Lockhorns‘ house seems unusually full of objects.

MW: Jeff’s not much of a public speaker. He completely lost his audience in the third panel. Lucky he had another audience to replace it.

Apparently Jeff’s promotion of first cousin marriages is enough to sober up Jill and put her on the water wagon. And make a dubiously costumed waiter turn up with a comically inadequate serving of food, so the bridegroom doesn’t have to hand around the potato skins any more.

PV: Most people in early Dark Age Britain were illiterate, so taking time to chisel a dedication to Seattle’s late lamented daily paper on the cave wall while tearing away to be with one’s love seems a little hard to swallow.

RMMD: We don’t get to see the wine in this one. Maybe the artist was afraid it would end up colored green when the strip specifically mentions two types of red wine.

@Alfred E. Neuman (#88): He also said: “We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren’t developed. But we’re going back in a couple of months!”

Fourth Bear
December 5th, 2010 at 4:35 am [Reply]

MW: Wait, Adrian and Scott getting married brings things full circle to his relationship with Scott’s father? Verrrrrry interesting. Get Seth from 9CL over *this* strip, stat!

JP/RMMD: Nice to see both strips taking the Sunday off for a leisurely wine break. Although RMMD, which normally dominates when it comes to hilarious facial expressions, can only gape in wonder at the second panel of JP. A more perfect depiction of “Smug Douchebag at Rest (Again!)” I have never seen.

DT: Their super-duper, pinky-swear, triple-fudge secret operation *might* be a teeny bit more secure if they waited *inside* with The Abominable Dr. Phibes rather than on the street curb in the pouring rain. Doctor Orloff’s comments on Camelot are well considered, since this prisoner transfer looks to be starting off as well as Dallas 1963.

Charlie The Bursted Carbunkle
December 5th, 2010 at 4:50 am [Reply]

Sunday’s Frazz: …And yet, you depict the average schoolteacher as an ineffectual boob. Sorry, triathlete, you can lecture me when you display a modicum of consistency.

I know Sabrina Online is a webcomic (and one done by a guy far better known for his furry porn) but seriously? A bloody doorway beating HAW HAW followed by thugs working him over with baseball bats, all because of some LOL U MAD? After the artist had two or three months to get over whatever real-life experience inspired this story? Whoops, I seem to have lost all my related bookmarks. One wild overreaction deserves another, I guess. (Pleeeeeeease don’t come beat me up, Eric.)

PBS: On the other hand, if you wanna send Jay and Silent Bob around to pay Pasty a visit, be my guest. How can so much work go into being ANTI-funny?

Mutts: Oh, EW. I normally love this strip, but EW. EW EW EW EWIE EWIE EW.

Monty: Best sound effect ever. Also, EW.

Mr. O'Malley
December 5th, 2010 at 5:03 am [Reply]

I messed up on “But Not For Me”. That line is actually part of the chorus. The verse ends up:
I never want to hear from any cheerful Pollyannas,
Who tell you Fate supplies a mate – It’s all bananas! @Alfred E. Neuman (#88):

Hooray for Mister Trail, the famous nature writer
(Did someone call me “smiter”?)
Hooray hooray hooray

He has no time for cuteness
But uses his astuteness
In punishing hirsuteness
Hooray hooray hooray

He rescues pet raccoons
Fights gators in lagoons
Has misplaced word balloons
Hooray hooray hooray

He’s always very plucky
At saving deer named Lucky
He thinks his wife is yucky
Hooray hooray hooray

Though Kelly may be busty
She can’t make Mark get lusty
He’ll go endanger Rusty
Hooray hooray hooray

Lives with creatures in defiance
Of the principles of science
They all are mutant giants
Hooray hooray hooray

You stole my friend’s pet bear
And you have facial hair
So you don’t have a prayer
Hooray hooray hooray

KarMann
December 5th, 2010 at 5:42 am [Reply]

@ElkMeadow (#81): Well, Mordred still has to get loose from Dick Tracy first. And who wouldn’t want to?

Baron Bizarre
December 5th, 2010 at 7:47 am [Reply]

Alternate punchline for today’s Snuffy Smith:

“But, Paw, we’re just two generations out o’ the caves!”

Amateur
December 5th, 2010 at 8:53 am [Reply]

MW: “. . . but I’ll (hic) drink to pretty much anything else!”

The Ridger
December 5th, 2010 at 9:17 am [Reply]

@Apeman (#76): There are far too many dogs that get along with cats for that to be true. In fact, dogs don’t hate cats. Dogs just tend to chase things that run away from them, and most things smaller than them do run.

wossname
December 5th, 2010 at 9:23 am [Reply]

A3G – She did not knock you off your bike, you moron! However, I guess we have to accept this revisionist history of the nonaccident and move on. My next question is whether the romance that’s obviously in the works will be Iris and Mr. Brooks, or Tommie and Mr. Brooks. He looks a little young for Iris.

Hi & Lois – Ha ha, it’s funny because it’s cold in December. And they’re outside and it’s cold. And snowing. Ha. Ha.

JP – OMG what has happened to Abbey’s hair? It’s bubblegum pink. Revenge of the color monkeys! Does nobody check these things?

MT – Hey now, narration box, I already knew the difference between antlers and horns – I did not learn it from last week’s MT.

MW – “His late father and I were like brothers… and best of all, he wears pumpkin-orange suits, just like I do!”
Also, we have another clue to what made Jill bitter and cynical – I bet you an internet dollar she was in a bad marriage that fell apart when she was very young. She did get over being drunk pretty fast, didn’t she!

RMMD – Your brain is scrambled? Why is your brain scrambled? You thought Stu was going to beat up Jason King, you got the pat-down getting into City Hall, and then you found Stu and Jason making nice. How did that scramble your brain? And June – you can’t sleep at night because you can’t imagine what goes on in Washington? Why don’t you just stop trying? Geez. Good thing Berna’s going to win the lottery and we can quit listening to you two complain about nothing.

SF – Win.

PV – That “strange evidence” is clearly a carving of initials: “P+I” Weren’t you ever in high school, Galahad?

@Fashion Police (#64): June’s eyes are always the same color as whatever she’s wearing.

The Ridger
December 5th, 2010 at 9:28 am [Reply]

@wossname (#97): Is June from Emerald City then? That would explain … well, nothing, I suppose, but it would be funny.

Écureuil Écumant
December 5th, 2010 at 9:29 am [Reply]

Arch: Gotta be impressed by a geek who’s still running CP/M off a 5-1/4 floppy. Dil do that.

gleeb
December 5th, 2010 at 9:35 am [Reply]

Brenda: Rifles! Broken glass! Horse-nudging!

Pluggers: …like to screw motor vehicles.

Slylock: I believe M le Comte. Bell did what anyone would when confronted by a green-skinned man in a caftan and top hat. He gave a false name.

Zippy: Actually not bad. Not great, but not bad. For Zippy, that’s a high mark.

Rex: Should a guy with a scrambled brain really be drinking?

Ghost-who-walks: The Phantom makes a wish. I bet it’s for more kidnappers to rough up.

Mary: Finally Jill is making sense. She’s had enough already.

‘bean: The teacher despises his students so much, he’s willing to endure environmental disaster if it means seeing less of them. Ha!

OneEyedWolfdog
December 5th, 2010 at 9:36 am [Reply]

Saturday Jumble: That’s Numberwang!

queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
December 5th, 2010 at 10:18 am [Reply]

9CL: Brooke’s been playing with the laser pointer again. All snark aside, this is a nicely done Solange strip.

Zits: Jeremy, Too Dumb To Live.

Ink Pen: OMFG! This is made of WIN! Dolly’s looking pretty hawt. . . .

OtH: cartoon physics at its finest.

GF & PBS: treading the same punny waters.

JP: colormonkey fail, Abby’s megenta hair.

NS: just had to put the devil horns on the Microsoft expy, didn’t you?

PV: d’awwwwwwwwwwwww. Poteet’s gonna love this.

Lio: heee! evil Sesame Street hooligans, obviously.

Bizarro: o dear. This is Pastisian in it’s Anvilicity.

MT: nice two-parter.

MG&G: /facepalm. I was not expecting that.

PMP: Mad Men goes Inuit.

RMMD: but is it an Oki merlot?

SFx: the crimes get pettier, the Count gets wackier. Count, buddy, it’s time to lay off the home-brew LSD, is all I’m sayin’.

standard oversnark disclaimer.

queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
December 5th, 2010 at 10:31 am [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#52): *googles*

hrm.

some of those Minerva Minks are not like the others. . . . .

Baka Gaijin
December 5th, 2010 at 10:42 am [Reply]

@wossname (#97) on Mary Worth: Anyone normal person would sober up quicklike when threatened with salmon squares and a patented platitude-a-thon.’

PS-Take your Sunday snark to the new thread.

ms. docweasel
December 5th, 2010 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

Well, there is a report that Ghostbusters III is set to start filming soon, so you may be on to something.

HASTY
TUNED
KOSHER
BANDIT

THEY “DATED”

LUJBEM FEJF
December 5th, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#70): We have a winner! The Blisters are a group from Chicago that has Jeff Tweedy’s, of Wilco, son in it. They rock! (As does Wilco) They we on the Sponge Bob soundtrack (Just a Kid!) as well as those Quaker Oats commercials for a year or so ago. Good eye Bats. Josh, get a paper!

Doctor Handsome
December 5th, 2010 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

@LUJBEM FEJF (#106): They print comics on paper now? I’ll be damned.

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