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Showing posts with label cocaine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cocaine. Show all posts

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Cocaine blues

Dick Tracy, 5/21/11

I’m sorry to say that the current Dick Tracy plot is kind of OK on atmospherics but in general low on overall insanity. Isn’t Dick Tracy supposed to be some high-grade supercop? Doesn’t having him chase after cocaine smugglers seem like a waste of his talents? But maybe fate has conspired to bring him in contact with the Plentys’ monstrous baby, seen here in the background using its inhuman strength to cause its father permanent brain damage. If there’s any character in the comics pages who’d be willing to kill a baby that needs killing, it’s Dick Tracy.

Dennis the Menace, 5/21/11

One of the more jarring and hilarious things about Dennis’s ongoing de-Menacification is that Mr. Wilson’s contempt and loathing for him has been ratcheted back not at all, making him less a put-upon elderly gent and more a hateful sociopath. Today provides a particularly laughable example. “He’s bringing over a neatly wrapped anniversary present for us? HOW DARE HE!!!!”

Marmaduke, 5/21/11

You guys, can you seriously doubt that Marmaduke is the most terrifying kind of demon? He has literally stolen something from God and refuses to give it back! HIS POWERS ARE UNFATHOMABLE! No wonder the other dogs surround him in a worshipful pose.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 23, 2011 at 01:08 am and is filed under Dennis the Menace, Dick Tracy, Marmaduke. | 32 responses to “” Poteet
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:22 am [Reply]

Gravel Gertie had a father? I thought she sort of erupted from a gravel pit spontaneously, decades ago.

Poteet
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:24 am [Reply]

5/23 FW — Les The Tool is merely wondering if he’ll be asked to star as himself in the Hollywood version of his book. And when he announces this, it would be highly gratifying if Kayla punched him really, really hard in his joy department.

Bill Thompson
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:26 am [Reply]

The Ransom of Red Phantom: Bleed, damn it! This gravely-wounded plotline doesn’t work without it. And quit walking around like nothing has happened.

Poteet
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:30 am [Reply]

A3G — So was Tommie camping out in the studio for seven days and nights without coming home and her roommates didn’t notice? And if someone ever kills Aunt Iris because her uber-hideous hairstyle has driven that someone mad, would any jury convict?

Poteet
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:33 am [Reply]

@Bill Thompson (#3): The Phantom is refusing to bleed because he’s trying to outdo Mark Trail and his bandaid-on-the-bullet-hole-through-my-skull routine. Next we’ll see Dick Tracy walking around with a large gaping hole in his abdomen, just like Fearless Fosdick used to do.

Alan's Addiction
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:37 am [Reply]

I approve of the bold new innovation shown in today’s “Dick Tracy.” The best parts of reading Dick Tracy are mindless violence, ineptly-drawn minor objects, and the main character’s lantern jaw. The strip’s given us the plenty of violence and stupidly-drawn small objects being used to cause that violence, as well as a nice shot of DT’s impressive jawline in the first panel. These are more than enough to make up for the remarkably stupid the dialogue and storyline. So, to the writers, keep showing random characters being brained every day, and we’ll all be happy.
I have to say, I really felt the menace oozing right out of today’s “Dennis the Menace” strip. Of course, that could be the horrific close-up of Mr. Wilson and his octogenarian, bulbous nose.
I can’t think of why the folks in Heaven would let a hell-hound get ahold of a halo, let alone why a metaphysical/spiritual item would have substance and form in our plane of existence. On the other hand, maybe those dogs have just decided to form some new, dark, Lovecraftian cult centered on worshiping Marmaduke, which is why they’ve gathered in a circle around him; to chant and pray together.

Uncle Lumpy
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:39 am [Reply]

No baby can cause B.O. Plenty permanent brain damage: that ship sailed ’round about 1936!

Maggie the Cat
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:39 am [Reply]

Yeah, it shouldn’t be called “Dennis the Menace”, but rather “Mr. Wilson the Old Fat Bastard Next Door”.

Uncle Lumpy
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:40 am [Reply]

Ptui!

Uncle Lumpy
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:40 am [Reply]

Oops — no offense, Ms. the Cat!

Lisa
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:45 am [Reply]

Oh Iris, I wouldn’t consider bells and whistles all that high tech.

Maggie the Cat
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:45 am [Reply]

@Uncle Lumpy (#10): LOL, none taken. I know of what you’re referring… The Jump, to which I second your “ptui!”.

KarMann
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:47 am [Reply]

@Alan’s Addiction (#6) on DT: Huh? What’s the “ineptly-drawn minor object” you see there? Everything looks pretty good to me, even without comparison to the previous artist.

Lisa
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:57 am [Reply]

I realized moments ago, that I’d be less embarrassed by a coworker finding porn in my browser history than I would if they found out I read things like Crankshaft everyday. I think I’ll clear my history before I go tend to this brain bleed caused by today’s Beetle Bailey.

Rhekarid
May 23rd, 2011 at 2:02 am [Reply]

Judging by Gertie’s eyes, I’m fairly sure she has, like her father, just now died of a cocaine overdose mid-conversation.

Jocelyn Knockersbury
May 23rd, 2011 at 2:17 am [Reply]

Dennis: I hope that it’s a case of an unseen third panel where the gift turns out to be one of those old-style bowling ball shaped bombs with a knife, an uzi, a corkscrew, and a shuriken taped to it.

the big JC
May 23rd, 2011 at 2:26 am [Reply]

So… are you trying to tell me that the rapture DID come, and it took Marmaduke, of all earthly creatures? Well played, unbelievers. Well played.

Faoladh
May 23rd, 2011 at 2:55 am [Reply]

Hahaha! Dick Tracy only enforces the law against people he doesn’t know personally.

Rocky Stoneaxe
May 23rd, 2011 at 6:30 am [Reply]

@wholesale cheap clothes (#19):

But…But… But… if we buy all of their cheap clothes, then what will the Chinese wear? (Or do they use our $$$ to buy cheap clothing that’s Made in the USA?)

sporknpork
May 23rd, 2011 at 7:54 am [Reply]

Wait, Marmaduke DIED?? I didn’t know he could die! And after all his horrific crimes against the world he goes to HEAVEN???

Somewhere a theologian just spit his morning coffee all over the funny pages.

nescio
May 23rd, 2011 at 8:22 am [Reply]

DT: I’m pretty sure only someone whacked out on drugs would be ironing with a non-electric iron.

Cloudbuster
May 23rd, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

Luann: Nooooooooooooo!!!

MT: *facepalm*

1. No, John Thrasher, you don’t shoot at anyone anymore, you just set out dangerous man-traps, and push innocent strangers into them. You managed to avoid maiming or killing Mark only because of his supremely impervious woodenness.

2. … and riiiight. Blaming it on the crazy mountain man will be emminently plausible, because clearly he’d be interested in cleaning out an electronics store so he could … what? Haul a complete home entertainment system to his cave in the mountains? Maybe use them to build a clever, improvised smoke house?

twg
May 23rd, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]

DtM(fa?): Couldn’t Mr. Wilson have gone over and told the Mitchells to keep their little brat of a kid off his property years ago, or maybe had a talk with his wife about letting the kid in the house while he’s there? Then again, maybe they’re just relieved that it isn’t the malformed Joey.

bats :[
May 23rd, 2011 at 11:49 am [Reply]

@Poteet (#2): Les The Tool doesn’t have a joy department. He just has woefully underdeveloped nards. Which is where Cayla should punch him.

Little Guy
May 23rd, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

Marmaduke: Wait…. HE got raptured?

DT: Mark Trail would have tried, convicted, and punched B.O. just by the amount of facial hair, never mind the circumstatial evidence. (Gertie too, but he would have provisioned it with some non-womanhood loophole statement.)

un malpaso
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

Um… is Marmaduke dead? WTF?
Or are we just extending his terrifying power to the blessed realms?

bunivasal
May 23rd, 2011 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

Ah, that explains why there was no Rapture last weekend: Marmaduke murdered and ate God.

Anonymous
May 23rd, 2011 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

In French (and I think Spanish too), toilet paper is called “hygienic paper,” which makes sense, since it’s for personal hygiene. About as personal as you can get.

As for Dick Tracy, that comic just doesn’t look very good shrunk down to current newspaper size, especially for middle-aged guys whose eyes aren’t what they used to be. When I saw the strip in the paper, I missed the baby’s hand in the second panel, so the bottle and the iron just looked like they were being hurled by poltergeists or something, which the Plentys were bravely ignoring to speak with the detectives.

The Not So Great One
May 23rd, 2011 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

So the Apocalypse did, and evil, in the form of Marmaduke, won; and now we’re all just fodder to the great canine demiurge.

The Not So Great One
May 23rd, 2011 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

So the Apocalypse did come, and evil, in the form of Marmaduke, won; and now we’re all just fodder for the great canine demiurge.

demoncat
May 23rd, 2011 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

marduke smilling shows that even god knows how evil marmuduke is if he can even steal stuff from heaven. the only gift mr. wilson wants is denis to mysteriously not come over any more but he choose to be stuck with denis when he moved in.

Crankenstank
May 23rd, 2011 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

It’s very nice of Dennis to wrap up the stinking pile of dog poo for Mr. Wilson, but Mr. Wilson is on to his little game, oh yes he is.

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Friday, May 20, 2011

Where does Hi keep his mountains of cocaine, do you think?

Panel from Hi and Lois, 5/15/11

Perhaps you have lived your life thinking that Hi Flagston is a well-adjusted suburban dad and not a completely unfulfilled emotional basket case whose veneer of sanity is always on the verge of shattering, revealing the madness beneath? Well, today’s throwaway panel will change your mind, my friend. Just as Hi’s hero Tony Montana wiped out a trio of enemies with his improvised weaponry, Hi apparently plans to literally mow down anyone who stands in his way — starting, tragically, with his own son.

Apartment 3-G, 5/15/11

Whoops, it looks like I was wrong about who was getting married in the current A3G wedding interlude, but, in my defense, I don’t care about Jack and Doris at all, so whatever. Still, I have to admit that Doris’s ad-libbed “FOREVER” in panel two sounds a lot like what she’d proclaim right before, say, dipping her beloved in a vat of liquid bronze so that he remains forever perfect and untouched by the hand of time, which might explain why Margo looks so put off in the final panel by the thought that what happened at the church today could happen to anyone.

Beetle Bailey, 5/15/11

So, what’s the most disturbing panel in today’s Beetle Bailey? It’s the pillow-humping, right? It’s not just me, is it?

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 15, 2011 at 10:50 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Beetle Bailey, Hi and Lois. | 88 responses to “” SNORFOLA
May 15th, 2011 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

What’s improvised about Tony Montoya’s weapon?

pugfuggly
May 15th, 2011 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

What I learned from beetle bailey today: If you audibly fart in a public setting, just say “Ooops, my phone is ringing’ and pretend to have a conversation with someone on the other end.

bad wolf
May 15th, 2011 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

A3G: This is the second time this week Margo’s described herself as dating Trey “casually.” Does anyone think she is going to use the phrase “Friends with benefits” anytime soon?

Mark
May 15th, 2011 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

BB: Who rides the bus to an orgy?

Government Cheese
May 15th, 2011 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

BB: Has the Department of Defense forgotten about Camp Swampy regarding their deployment plans for our current foreign engagements? It would explain the 1950s era uniforms and mustaches. These guys seem to have way too much R&R going on.

Larry Fine
May 15th, 2011 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

The case for Hi’s mental health is certainly not bolstered by the fact that his mower was apparently made by Fisher-Price.

NoahSnark
May 15th, 2011 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

I’m trying to imagine you with all those pretty girls Killer, but my vision is obscured by a cloud of pepper spray.

Lesser Whark
May 15th, 2011 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

Phantom: The Sunday Phantom continues to deliver awesome insanity that the daily only matches when Captain Savarna appears.
(1) Can any aviation geek identify The Nomad’s executive jet? It looks oddly proportioned to me. Did The Nomad fimd the stock turbojets insufficiently noisy, so customised his ride with aftermarket parts?
(2) As JD Rhoades pointed out yesterday, this castle is a curious definition of ‘Nomad’.
(3) So, the sand-plough is there to keep the runway clear. Won’t the tank treads chew up the runway a tad? (Fun trivia: the Convair B-36 bomber was so heavy that they tested it with treads like this. They didn’t work.)
(4) The Nomad Who Needs To Be Very Disciplined With His Secret Identity starts getting smashed the moment he steps off his plane.

Anansi
May 15th, 2011 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

What’s truly disturbing about Beetle Bailey today is that they mentioned a beauty contest without showing any of the contestants! We just missed out on seeing Miss. Buxley in the swimsuit competition, and that’s not only disturbing, it’s downright cruel!

Pseudo3D
May 15th, 2011 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

BB: Too bad Killer doesn’t have his cap today. His cap is usually a family-friendly indicator of what’s going on his pants.

TC
May 15th, 2011 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

I thought his name was Tony Montana?

CanuckDownSouth
May 15th, 2011 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

Someone should tell Bolle that Kate Middleton’s dress should inspire tasteful sleeves, not wrinkled semi-puffs, which I do admit coordinate nicely with the neckline’s unkempt ruffling.

And that cake is one notch away from a cakewrecks posting.

Artist formerly known as Ben
May 15th, 2011 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

Josh

So, what’s the most disturbing panel in today’s Beetle Bailey? It’s the pillow-humping, right? It’s not just me, is it?

As a lifelong civilian I’m not completely up on these things, but it has me really hoping that the Army doesn’t reissue the pillow to another soldier.

Rocky Stoneaxe
May 15th, 2011 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy/Beetle Bailey/Hi & Lois — That’s not a pillow, but a sack of Flakey Biscuit Flour cocaine — the same sack a killer named Killer stole from the unfortunate Earl. (And Hi Flagston is one of Killer’s best customers!)

Poteet
May 15th, 2011 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

A3G — I was thinking that the vampire girls in DOCTOR WHO last night reminded me of something, and now I see what it is. The three creepy floating faces in the first panel.

Kibo
May 15th, 2011 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

Those “Beetle Bailey” pillow panels are more erotic than you realize.

Not kidding: Mort Walker once had a run-in with a syndicate censor over a panel showing Beetle holding one of those distinctive-looking pillows. Seems the censor thought the corner of the pillow (sticking out under Beetle’s arm) looked like a nipple, and erased one of the four corners, leading to a dangerously lopsided pillow. (They also used to X-Acto out Miss Buxley’s bellybutton whenever she was in a bikini, so Walker drew a strip involving a crate of hundreds of navel oranges just to torture the censor.)

It’s quite sad that I know this stuff. (I read it in the introduction to a “Beetle Bailey” collection when I was a little kid. Hey, I was a really fast reader, so I ran out of good stuff and had to read reprints of “Beetle Bailey”.)

Taquelli
May 15th, 2011 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

“Oh crap, Larry can’t make it to tonight’s beauty pageant. What are going to do?”

“What about that sexual predator from that weird compound out by the woods?”

“That is literally the worst suggestion you’ve had. I’m going to go along with it, just so you have the immense burden of guilt on your soul. It will teach you a valuable lesson about opening your mouth.”

“Um…thanks?”

Kibo
May 15th, 2011 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

Also, there apparently is a Swedish collection of d-i-r-t-y “Beetle Bailey” strips:

http://robot6.comicbookresources.com/2010/06/art-imitates-life-beetle-bailey-and-the-legacy/

Poteet
May 15th, 2011 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

@CanuckDownSouth (#12): I just had to google “cakewrecks,” didn’t I. There goes my night.

KarMann
May 15th, 2011 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

@Lesser Whark (#8) (1): Quickly, Commissioner Gordon! The Aviatrix-signal!

Poteet
May 15th, 2011 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

@replica bags (#17): I smell something that reminds of lunch way back in daycamp.

Poteet
May 15th, 2011 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

@Poteet (#21): Smell suddenly gone. Wow. That’ll teach me.

Rocky Stoneaxe
May 15th, 2011 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

@replica bags (#17): Spam begone!

Kansattica
May 15th, 2011 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

I like to think the most disturbing part about Beetle Bailey is Killer’s inexplicable Poultergeist-type hovering in the last panel.

Baka Gaijin
May 15th, 2011 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

Speaking of replica bags, we could use a replica Mary Worth. We haven’t see that old bag in ages.

Mech5
May 15th, 2011 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

The most disturbing BB panel is the last in the second row. The springiness of those beds is unreal.

The Yellow Kid
May 16th, 2011 at 12:04 am [Reply]

A3G: What kind of wedding is that where people in conversational clutches have their backs to the bride and groom during the exchange of vows? By the perspective shift between the first two panels, this appears to be happening on all sides of the happy couple. Is this some kind of fancy NY wedding in the round?

Poteet
May 16th, 2011 at 12:06 am [Reply]

STONE SOUP — What is this, Grossness Month? There seems to be an epidemic of comic-strip disgustingness.

Rocky Stoneaxe
May 16th, 2011 at 12:10 am [Reply]

@Kibo (#16):

Those “Beetle Bailey” pillow panels are more erotic than you realize.

I’ve seen worse*:

http://www.shaenon.com/walker6.jpg

(*From the non-BB strip Boner’s Ark — which lives up to its name in this NSFW pencil rough by Mort Walker!)

Bill Thompson
May 16th, 2011 at 12:16 am [Reply]

MT: “THRASHER! JOHN FUCKING THRASHER! Take your shovel. Fill in the hole. Then walk away. That’s how we win this time.”

The Ransom of Red Phantom: In a misguided effort to outdo Mark Trail’s gay porn, this strip turns to pedo porn.

The Amusing Spiderman: I don’t know how long will it take Spidey and MJ to fall, but you know Martine and Morbius will spend at least three days squabbling before they hit.

Red Greenback
May 16th, 2011 at 12:19 am [Reply]

I never mowed any lawn in my life didn’t have it coming to it. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don’t break them for no one. Do you understand? That piece of shit lawn, I never liked it, I never trusted it. For all I know it had me set up and had my friend Thirsty Thurston killed. But that’s history. Do you wanna mow this lawn, you say it. You don’t, then you make a move.

ElkMeadow
May 16th, 2011 at 12:23 am [Reply]

MW Hey, Drew, maybe she would have gotten the message if you had walked out of her apartment immediately, instead of taking her out for dinner and dancing after your speech.

Uh-oh, Riley. The policeman used your first AND last name. You’re in trouble now! (And I call that someone will keep Riley out of prison by dropping charges and giving him a job to help him stay out of trouble. What kind of job? I dunno…maybe Don Knott imitations?)

Another 6 days before the next Prince Valiant update…..

Poteet
May 16th, 2011 at 12:24 am [Reply]

@Red Greenback (#31): Awesome!!

ElkMeadow
May 16th, 2011 at 12:26 am [Reply]

Uh oh, just saw Monday’s Doonesbury. It’s Zonker, doing what looks like a slice of soured American Dream arc. This is not going to be fun. (Remember when Zonker was fun? Before you were born?)

Maggie the Cat
May 16th, 2011 at 12:27 am [Reply]

A3G- I hope Doris “brains” Margo with that bouquet.

Poteet
May 16th, 2011 at 12:27 am [Reply]

@ElkMeadow (#32): I usually like beards, but Draco’s is eww. And I can’t remember who Maeve is. Dang.

Maggie the Cat
May 16th, 2011 at 12:29 am [Reply]

Monday’s MW- Yes, Drew, she does need more time. Probably a good 18 months in the psych ward will be sufficient.

Maggie the Cat
May 16th, 2011 at 12:30 am [Reply]

MW- Also, it looks like Drew’s tie is a bit disheveled. I think he went for a piece of farewell ass after all.

Maggie the Cat
May 16th, 2011 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Just when I think Mark Trail cannot possibly get more ridiculous…. he’s shouting at bears now, asking them what just happened to him.

BEAR #1: You fell into a pit, dumbass.

BEAR #2: Can we eat him, Mommy?

jvwalt
May 16th, 2011 at 12:38 am [Reply]

BB — Hey, I thought Killer was the ladies’ man of the strip. He’s been around, gotten his share of booty PLUS every other Camp Swampyite’s share. And here he is, driven to heights of ecstasy at the thought of judging a town beauty pageant?

The town nearest to Camp Swampy? Population 768 or so? Just imagine the “talent” on hand for that one. Quite a comedown for ol’ Pornstache Killer.

Mr. O'Malley
May 16th, 2011 at 12:47 am [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#29): The new term is “Varning för Snusk!”

Rhekarid
May 16th, 2011 at 1:01 am [Reply]

I was going to complain about how A3G was so color-bleached it was hurting my eyes, but I suppose this just saves time by summarizing the contents of every strip. “Apartment 3-G! It’s SO WHITE!”

bats :[
May 16th, 2011 at 1:06 am [Reply]

I love the fact that “at the wedding,” as Doris and Jack exchange their vows, their guests are milling around aimlessly, ignoring them.

Oh, you’ll just love Cakewrecks, Poteet…another several hours of your life spend laughing up a lung!

Mumblix Grumph
May 16th, 2011 at 1:09 am [Reply]

“I came alone, Doris.”

Ah, another night with Steely Dan, eh Margo?

Alan's Addiction
May 16th, 2011 at 1:13 am [Reply]

That line in today’s “Hi and Lois” is particularly memorable since it also makes up Hi’s entire foreplay routine.
I think that Margo is simply wincing at the psychic pain she experiences whenever she’s in close proximity to anyone experiencing the emotions “love,” or “joy.” This is also the real reason she came alone; a partner at the wedding would merely impede her ability to destroy people and spread pain and chaos. Also, the last time Margo went to a wedding with someone, she wound up the designated driver, and if there’s anything Margo detests more than human emotion, it’s being subservient, in any way, to someone else.
I just want to tell the soldier in today’s “Beetle Bailey;” “They’ve repealed ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell,’ you don’t have to hilariously over-exaggerate your non-existent heterosexual tastes.”

bats :[
May 16th, 2011 at 1:14 am [Reply]

What does “Varning för Snusk” mean? Is it soemthing like “Kookoo for Cocoapuffs,” or something like that?
It’s a very popular Googling term, though.

Faoladh
May 16th, 2011 at 1:17 am [Reply]

BC: This strip has really changed from the days when Johnny Hart was in control and all fundamentalist Christian, hasn’t it? I am wondering why they’d use hallucinogens to hunt bears, but that’s the way with cavemen, I guess. I am also wondering where the joke is, but that’s the way with legacy strips, I guess.

BigTed
May 16th, 2011 at 1:18 am [Reply]

“Okay, we’ve called this meeting of the town council to find judges for the beauty pageant who will treat our local girls respectfully and make sure they feel safe. Hey, how about that lothario from the local Army base? I hear his name is ‘Killer’ — that’s got to be a good sign, right?”

JupiterPluvius
May 16th, 2011 at 1:22 am [Reply]

@BigTed (#48): Forget it, Big Ted. It’s Inappropriateville. Inappropriateville.

You should have seen who they picked to judge the Beautiful Baby contest!

Chip Whittle
May 16th, 2011 at 1:35 am [Reply]

I guess my question is: are we relieved or saddened Killer isn’t judging the sorry beauty contest in Luann?

Fata Morgana
May 16th, 2011 at 1:44 am [Reply]

MW: “She didn’t accept what I said! My just-friends romantic date and bouquet was a complete failure! Ok, Drew, time to step-up my just-friends message with some diamond jewelry and a just-friends weekend in the bahamas!”

bats :[
May 16th, 2011 at 2:03 am [Reply]

For a lot of folks here, and you know who you are (especially Poteet).

Jonn
May 16th, 2011 at 2:26 am [Reply]

Does Doris even have a second facial expression?

Mr. O'Malley
May 16th, 2011 at 2:27 am [Reply]

@bats :[ (#46): It’s on that Beetle Bailey comic above.

Google Translate says “Beware of Filth”.

bunivasal
May 16th, 2011 at 2:43 am [Reply]

Is Tommy always winking in the Sunday Apartment 3-G lead in? Because either way, holy AUUUUUGH with a capital Cathy, that’s horrifying.

This Guy
May 16th, 2011 at 2:48 am [Reply]

5/16
Crank: I’m pretty sure that on the global warming curve, “inundation of coastal areas” and “near-total collapse of civilization” come before “coffee plants thrive in northern Ohio.”

KarMann
May 16th, 2011 at 2:59 am [Reply]

A3G: OK, Rocky Horror fans, chant it with me!: “Who’s got syph? Who’s got syph?”

KarMann
May 16th, 2011 at 3:09 am [Reply]

Marvin: Hoo boy, Armstrong’s gonna get letters. Maybe they could get Marvin canceled? Pretty please?

Lisa
May 16th, 2011 at 3:13 am [Reply]

Get Fuzzy: Satchel, a word of advise, don’t put things you find in Rob’s nightstand in your mouth.

KrisTM
May 16th, 2011 at 3:21 am [Reply]

Why is Hi using hand trucks to move four pancakes?

chistery
May 16th, 2011 at 3:26 am [Reply]

A3G Hmmm. I guess Doris finally disproves that old adage; that there’s no such thing as an ugly bride.

KarMann
May 16th, 2011 at 3:32 am [Reply]

Ripley’s: Pro-tip: Maybe, before you try to impress us with 1,185-letter words, you should show us that you can spell “mosaic” correctly?

Bill Thompson
May 16th, 2011 at 3:51 am [Reply]

FW: Call of the Wildly Obvious: Batiuk recently had a script turned down. Prepare for cliches about the philistines of Hollyweird.

Mr. O'Malley
May 16th, 2011 at 4:49 am [Reply]

@Bill Thompson (#63): Interesting. Because when Hollywood options a novel (or in this case, I suppose Les has produced a work in that currently fashionable genre of “creative non-fiction”), they don’t normally ask the author to write the script for the film.

Prime reason for this: writing film scripts is a different genre than writing books. When you’re investing several million in a movie, you prefer to hire a scriptwriter who has some experience. For the same reason, authors are not consulted on casting, costume design, and all the myriad other details that go into making a movie.

I shudder to think what’s in store for us.

teenchy
May 16th, 2011 at 6:12 am [Reply]

5/16 Marmaduke: Nice shout out to Cecil the Sea-Sick Sea Serpent.

Doctor Handsome
May 16th, 2011 at 6:20 am [Reply]

I can’t help but picture Killer’s celebration as being set to Ginuwine’s “Pony.”

Doctor Handsome
May 16th, 2011 at 6:26 am [Reply]

If I’m understanding Doris’s story correctly, this wedding is apparently taking place on their first date, over a really long lunch break.

teenchy
May 16th, 2011 at 6:33 am [Reply]

@Mr. O’Malley (#64): Perhaps they want that Barton Fink feeling.

SideshowJon
May 16th, 2011 at 6:45 am [Reply]

I know some of the lampooned cartoonists read this blog, so hopefully I’m not shouting into the ether:

Greg Evans, your beauty contest storyline was NOT so compelling that it needs an epilogue. Please cease and desist.

Regards.

John C Fremont
May 16th, 2011 at 6:47 am [Reply]

@teenchy (#65): OMG!! My sister used to have that Beanie doll! She also had an oversized Mighty Manfred the Wonder Dog that had a squeaky nose. I’m still trying to figure out how she turned out so normal.

KarMann
May 16th, 2011 at 6:51 am [Reply]

@teenchy (#65): Too bad the colorists got it all backwards. A shame, really, because that scene is so much easier to make sense of in color; it looks much more jumbled up in the B&W.

gleeb
May 16th, 2011 at 6:59 am [Reply]

Up on the Roof: “You brought them here with your texting!” A strong anti-technology message today.

Phantom: Take THAT, incandescent illumination!

nescio
May 16th, 2011 at 7:00 am [Reply]

Well, I think it’s funny when Killer says “Imagine me with all those pretty girls” while literally jumping from bed to bed.

Little Guy
May 16th, 2011 at 7:21 am [Reply]

Luann: If Crystal starts to screech that Tiffany should “make up the difference” or some other convuluted way that she should fork over a “donation”, I’m over this strip. They had a fundraiser. Whatever was made went to the school. That’s it, that’s the list, and time to move on.

MT: Paging Brad Dourif and his moisterizer!

DT: Next on “That’s Incredible!” – a police dog that can detect and locate white Canadian rappers from the 90’s!

Rocky Stoneaxe
May 16th, 2011 at 7:24 am [Reply]

@bats :[ (#46):

What does “Varning för Snusk” mean?

It means “Arningvay fayöray Usksnay” in Pig Latin.

teenchy
May 16th, 2011 at 7:48 am [Reply]

@John C Fremont (#70): The Beany doll is a little creepy cf. the Cecil doll IMO. I’ve never seen the Mighty Manfred doll (or a Tom Terrific one) and a quick GIS doesn’t find them either.

B&C were a big part of my childhood. Watching them today I sometimes wonder what I saw in them but more often than not the subtle and not-so-subtle humor still connects. Oh, and in hindsight Clampett’s self-portrait in the opening credits looks eerily like a young Elvis Costello.

Pip
May 16th, 2011 at 8:12 am [Reply]

It’s kind of sad how nonchalant Hi’s son is about all of this. Could it be that he doesn’t know what his father means? Or could it be that Hi’s son, in his heart of hearts, is willing to get mowed down just so that his father may hopefully gain the fulfillment that has so long eluded him? =P

Vince M
May 16th, 2011 at 8:32 am [Reply]

@teenchy (#76): Beany and Cecil was a smart, funny show, but yes, Beany was creepy in all his iterations. It started out as a live-action puppet show and it shows in the cartoon version, but it’s Beany-boy that really carries that uncanny valley puppets-are-evil vibe.

Crankenstank
May 16th, 2011 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

I do dream of a crossover storyline between A3G and Spiderman, where A3G supplies the villains. Doris as a husband-bronzing mass murderer sounds like a promising start to me. Throwing the in-your-face schadenfreude of comparing her marital state to that of Margo might be an even better hook for a super-villain, though. What to call her, though? The Mega-Jeal? The Envy-Maker? The Green Widow?

ElkMeadow
May 16th, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

@Poteet (#36):

I usually like beards, but Draco’s is eww. And I can’t remember who Maeve is. Dang.

Maeve is Arn’s wife, daughter of Mordred, who is the only child of King Arthur. She was raised by druids, as I recall. Mordred is still stumping around in the countryside somewhere. I have no idea what Maeve’s kid’s name is, but he/she is the next ruler, which makes Arn the Regent, which is the job Draco wants.

I still call that Mudhen is going to turn out to be Maeve’s half-sister.

In which case, with Arn and Valiant out of the way, Draco would become regent, then should anything accidentally happen on purpose to Maeve’s kid, then his and Mudhen’s would be the next in line.

Psychid
May 16th, 2011 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

I don’t think it’s just the pillow humping. I think it’s also the physical abuse against his own cot.

Victor Von
May 16th, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

@The Yellow Kid (#27): I figure that they got married in the middle of a cocktail party thrown by strangers. Y’know, like people do.

dodoman1
May 16th, 2011 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

Who the hell selected a random no-name army private to judge a beauty contest? I guess they figured he was qualified, being an expert in the objectification of women and all.

ElkMeadow
May 16th, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

@Bill Thompson (#63):

FW: Call of the Wildly Obvious: Batiuk recently had a script turned down. Prepare for cliches about the philistines of Hollyweird.

I’ll hold my breath. I had no idea that Hollywood had standards.

Beetle Bumstead
May 16th, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

@Psychid (#81): There’s the cot, but there is also the suggestive crease in the pillow in panels 1, 2 and 3 that are just begging for Killer to hump it like he has so many times before.

Moebius
May 16th, 2011 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

@KrisTM (#60):
Bwahaha, excellent Kris! There’s even a pat of butter on top…..

greghousesgf
May 16th, 2011 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

Shouldn’t that be “say challo to mah leel fran!” if you’re going to get the accent right?
and “it can happen to anyone and usually does” would only make sense in some sort of Bizarro World where everyone is happily married.

Greg
May 17th, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Beetle: Almost as erotically satisfying as Tommy Wiseau humping a red dress is that one guy humping a pillow. Convoluted grammar I write.

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