Panel from Hi and Lois, 5/15/11
Perhaps you have lived your life thinking that Hi Flagston is a well-adjusted suburban dad and not a completely unfulfilled emotional basket case whose veneer of sanity is always on the verge of shattering, revealing the madness beneath? Well, today’s throwaway panel will change your mind, my friend. Just as Hi’s hero Tony Montana wiped out a trio of enemies with his improvised weaponry, Hi apparently plans to literally mow down anyone who stands in his way — starting, tragically, with his own son.
Apartment 3-G, 5/15/11
Whoops, it looks like I was wrong about who was getting married in the current A3G wedding interlude, but, in my defense, I don’t care about Jack and Doris at all, so whatever. Still, I have to admit that Doris’s ad-libbed “FOREVER” in panel two sounds a lot like what she’d proclaim right before, say, dipping her beloved in a vat of liquid bronze so that he remains forever perfect and untouched by the hand of time, which might explain why Margo looks so put off in the final panel by the thought that what happened at the church today could happen to anyone.
Beetle Bailey, 5/15/11
So, what’s the most disturbing panel in today’s Beetle Bailey? It’s the pillow-humping, right? It’s not just me, is it?
This entry was posted on Sunday, May 15, 2011 at 10:50 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Beetle Bailey, Hi and Lois. | 88 responses to “” SNORFOLAMay 15th, 2011 at 10:59 pm [Reply]
What’s improvised about Tony Montoya’s weapon?
pugfugglyMay 15th, 2011 at 11:02 pm [Reply]
What I learned from beetle bailey today: If you audibly fart in a public setting, just say “Ooops, my phone is ringing’ and pretend to have a conversation with someone on the other end.
bad wolfMay 15th, 2011 at 11:03 pm [Reply]
A3G: This is the second time this week Margo’s described herself as dating Trey “casually.” Does anyone think she is going to use the phrase “Friends with benefits” anytime soon?
MarkMay 15th, 2011 at 11:04 pm [Reply]
BB: Who rides the bus to an orgy?
Government CheeseMay 15th, 2011 at 11:08 pm [Reply]
BB: Has the Department of Defense forgotten about Camp Swampy regarding their deployment plans for our current foreign engagements? It would explain the 1950s era uniforms and mustaches. These guys seem to have way too much R&R going on.
Larry FineMay 15th, 2011 at 11:09 pm [Reply]
The case for Hi’s mental health is certainly not bolstered by the fact that his mower was apparently made by Fisher-Price.
NoahSnarkMay 15th, 2011 at 11:15 pm [Reply]
I’m trying to imagine you with all those pretty girls Killer, but my vision is obscured by a cloud of pepper spray.
Lesser WharkMay 15th, 2011 at 11:17 pm [Reply]
Phantom: The Sunday Phantom continues to deliver awesome insanity that the daily only matches when Captain Savarna appears.
(1) Can any aviation geek identify The Nomad’s executive jet? It looks oddly proportioned to me. Did The Nomad fimd the stock turbojets insufficiently noisy, so customised his ride with aftermarket parts?
(2) As JD Rhoades pointed out yesterday, this castle is a curious definition of ‘Nomad’.
(3) So, the sand-plough is there to keep the runway clear. Won’t the tank treads chew up the runway a tad? (Fun trivia: the Convair B-36 bomber was so heavy that they tested it with treads like this. They didn’t work.)
(4) The Nomad Who Needs To Be Very Disciplined With His Secret Identity starts getting smashed the moment he steps off his plane.
May 15th, 2011 at 11:20 pm [Reply]
What’s truly disturbing about Beetle Bailey today is that they mentioned a beauty contest without showing any of the contestants! We just missed out on seeing Miss. Buxley in the swimsuit competition, and that’s not only disturbing, it’s downright cruel!
Pseudo3DMay 15th, 2011 at 11:22 pm [Reply]
BB: Too bad Killer doesn’t have his cap today. His cap is usually a family-friendly indicator of what’s going on his pants.
TCMay 15th, 2011 at 11:24 pm [Reply]
I thought his name was Tony Montana?
CanuckDownSouthMay 15th, 2011 at 11:26 pm [Reply]
Someone should tell Bolle that Kate Middleton’s dress should inspire tasteful sleeves, not wrinkled semi-puffs, which I do admit coordinate nicely with the neckline’s unkempt ruffling.
And that cake is one notch away from a cakewrecks posting.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 15th, 2011 at 11:27 pm [Reply]
Josh
So, what’s the most disturbing panel in today’s Beetle Bailey? It’s the pillow-humping, right? It’s not just me, is it?
As a lifelong civilian I’m not completely up on these things, but it has me really hoping that the Army doesn’t reissue the pillow to another soldier.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 15th, 2011 at 11:30 pm [Reply]
Dick Tracy/Beetle Bailey/Hi & Lois — That’s not a pillow, but a sack of Flakey Biscuit Flour cocaine — the same sack a killer named Killer stole from the unfortunate Earl. (And Hi Flagston is one of Killer’s best customers!)
PoteetMay 15th, 2011 at 11:36 pm [Reply]
A3G — I was thinking that the vampire girls in DOCTOR WHO last night reminded me of something, and now I see what it is. The three creepy floating faces in the first panel.
KiboMay 15th, 2011 at 11:39 pm [Reply]
Those “Beetle Bailey” pillow panels are more erotic than you realize.
Not kidding: Mort Walker once had a run-in with a syndicate censor over a panel showing Beetle holding one of those distinctive-looking pillows. Seems the censor thought the corner of the pillow (sticking out under Beetle’s arm) looked like a nipple, and erased one of the four corners, leading to a dangerously lopsided pillow. (They also used to X-Acto out Miss Buxley’s bellybutton whenever she was in a bikini, so Walker drew a strip involving a crate of hundreds of navel oranges just to torture the censor.)
It’s quite sad that I know this stuff. (I read it in the introduction to a “Beetle Bailey” collection when I was a little kid. Hey, I was a really fast reader, so I ran out of good stuff and had to read reprints of “Beetle Bailey”.)
TaquelliMay 15th, 2011 at 11:42 pm [Reply]
“Oh crap, Larry can’t make it to tonight’s beauty pageant. What are going to do?”
“What about that sexual predator from that weird compound out by the woods?”
“That is literally the worst suggestion you’ve had. I’m going to go along with it, just so you have the immense burden of guilt on your soul. It will teach you a valuable lesson about opening your mouth.”
“Um…thanks?”
KiboMay 15th, 2011 at 11:42 pm [Reply]
Also, there apparently is a Swedish collection of d-i-r-t-y “Beetle Bailey” strips:
http://robot6.comicbookresources.com/2010/06/art-imitates-life-beetle-bailey-and-the-legacy/
PoteetMay 15th, 2011 at 11:44 pm [Reply]
@CanuckDownSouth (#12): I just had to google “cakewrecks,” didn’t I. There goes my night.
KarMannMay 15th, 2011 at 11:46 pm [Reply]
@Lesser Whark (#8) (1): Quickly, Commissioner Gordon! The Aviatrix-signal!
PoteetMay 15th, 2011 at 11:47 pm [Reply]
@replica bags (#17): I smell something that reminds of lunch way back in daycamp.
PoteetMay 15th, 2011 at 11:49 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#21): Smell suddenly gone. Wow. That’ll teach me.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 15th, 2011 at 11:50 pm [Reply]
@replica bags (#17): Spam begone!
KansatticaMay 15th, 2011 at 11:57 pm [Reply]
I like to think the most disturbing part about Beetle Bailey is Killer’s inexplicable Poultergeist-type hovering in the last panel.
Baka GaijinMay 15th, 2011 at 11:59 pm [Reply]
Speaking of replica bags, we could use a replica Mary Worth. We haven’t see that old bag in ages.
Mech5May 15th, 2011 at 11:59 pm [Reply]
The most disturbing BB panel is the last in the second row. The springiness of those beds is unreal.
The Yellow KidMay 16th, 2011 at 12:04 am [Reply]
A3G: What kind of wedding is that where people in conversational clutches have their backs to the bride and groom during the exchange of vows? By the perspective shift between the first two panels, this appears to be happening on all sides of the happy couple. Is this some kind of fancy NY wedding in the round?
PoteetMay 16th, 2011 at 12:06 am [Reply]
STONE SOUP — What is this, Grossness Month? There seems to be an epidemic of comic-strip disgustingness.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 12:10 am [Reply]
@Kibo (#16):
Those “Beetle Bailey” pillow panels are more erotic than you realize.
I’ve seen worse*:
http://www.shaenon.com/walker6.jpg
(*From the non-BB strip Boner’s Ark — which lives up to its name in this NSFW pencil rough by Mort Walker!)
Bill ThompsonMay 16th, 2011 at 12:16 am [Reply]
MT: “THRASHER! JOHN FUCKING THRASHER! Take your shovel. Fill in the hole. Then walk away. That’s how we win this time.”
The Ransom of Red Phantom: In a misguided effort to outdo Mark Trail’s gay porn, this strip turns to pedo porn.
The Amusing Spiderman: I don’t know how long will it take Spidey and MJ to fall, but you know Martine and Morbius will spend at least three days squabbling before they hit.
Red GreenbackMay 16th, 2011 at 12:19 am [Reply]
I never mowed any lawn in my life didn’t have it coming to it. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don’t break them for no one. Do you understand? That piece of shit lawn, I never liked it, I never trusted it. For all I know it had me set up and had my friend Thirsty Thurston killed. But that’s history. Do you wanna mow this lawn, you say it. You don’t, then you make a move.
ElkMeadowMay 16th, 2011 at 12:23 am [Reply]
MW Hey, Drew, maybe she would have gotten the message if you had walked out of her apartment immediately, instead of taking her out for dinner and dancing after your speech.
Uh-oh, Riley. The policeman used your first AND last name. You’re in trouble now! (And I call that someone will keep Riley out of prison by dropping charges and giving him a job to help him stay out of trouble. What kind of job? I dunno…maybe Don Knott imitations?)
Another 6 days before the next Prince Valiant update…..
PoteetMay 16th, 2011 at 12:24 am [Reply]
@Red Greenback (#31): Awesome!!
ElkMeadowMay 16th, 2011 at 12:26 am [Reply]
Uh oh, just saw Monday’s Doonesbury. It’s Zonker, doing what looks like a slice of soured American Dream arc. This is not going to be fun. (Remember when Zonker was fun? Before you were born?)
Maggie the CatMay 16th, 2011 at 12:27 am [Reply]
A3G- I hope Doris “brains” Margo with that bouquet.
PoteetMay 16th, 2011 at 12:27 am [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#32): I usually like beards, but Draco’s is eww. And I can’t remember who Maeve is. Dang.
Maggie the CatMay 16th, 2011 at 12:29 am [Reply]
Monday’s MW- Yes, Drew, she does need more time. Probably a good 18 months in the psych ward will be sufficient.
Maggie the CatMay 16th, 2011 at 12:30 am [Reply]
MW- Also, it looks like Drew’s tie is a bit disheveled. I think he went for a piece of farewell ass after all.
Maggie the CatMay 16th, 2011 at 12:35 am [Reply]
Just when I think Mark Trail cannot possibly get more ridiculous…. he’s shouting at bears now, asking them what just happened to him.
BEAR #1: You fell into a pit, dumbass.
BEAR #2: Can we eat him, Mommy?
jvwaltMay 16th, 2011 at 12:38 am [Reply]
BB — Hey, I thought Killer was the ladies’ man of the strip. He’s been around, gotten his share of booty PLUS every other Camp Swampyite’s share. And here he is, driven to heights of ecstasy at the thought of judging a town beauty pageant?
The town nearest to Camp Swampy? Population 768 or so? Just imagine the “talent” on hand for that one. Quite a comedown for ol’ Pornstache Killer.
Mr. O'MalleyMay 16th, 2011 at 12:47 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#29): The new term is “Varning för Snusk!”
RhekaridMay 16th, 2011 at 1:01 am [Reply]
I was going to complain about how A3G was so color-bleached it was hurting my eyes, but I suppose this just saves time by summarizing the contents of every strip. “Apartment 3-G! It’s SO WHITE!”
bats :[May 16th, 2011 at 1:06 am [Reply]
I love the fact that “at the wedding,” as Doris and Jack exchange their vows, their guests are milling around aimlessly, ignoring them.
Oh, you’ll just love Cakewrecks, Poteet…another several hours of your life spend laughing up a lung!
Mumblix GrumphMay 16th, 2011 at 1:09 am [Reply]
“I came alone, Doris.”
Ah, another night with Steely Dan, eh Margo?
Alan's AddictionMay 16th, 2011 at 1:13 am [Reply]
That line in today’s “Hi and Lois” is particularly memorable since it also makes up Hi’s entire foreplay routine.
I think that Margo is simply wincing at the psychic pain she experiences whenever she’s in close proximity to anyone experiencing the emotions “love,” or “joy.” This is also the real reason she came alone; a partner at the wedding would merely impede her ability to destroy people and spread pain and chaos. Also, the last time Margo went to a wedding with someone, she wound up the designated driver, and if there’s anything Margo detests more than human emotion, it’s being subservient, in any way, to someone else.
I just want to tell the soldier in today’s “Beetle Bailey;” “They’ve repealed ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell,’ you don’t have to hilariously over-exaggerate your non-existent heterosexual tastes.”
May 16th, 2011 at 1:14 am [Reply]
What does “Varning för Snusk” mean? Is it soemthing like “Kookoo for Cocoapuffs,” or something like that?
It’s a very popular Googling term, though.
May 16th, 2011 at 1:17 am [Reply]
BC: This strip has really changed from the days when Johnny Hart was in control and all fundamentalist Christian, hasn’t it? I am wondering why they’d use hallucinogens to hunt bears, but that’s the way with cavemen, I guess. I am also wondering where the joke is, but that’s the way with legacy strips, I guess.
BigTedMay 16th, 2011 at 1:18 am [Reply]
“Okay, we’ve called this meeting of the town council to find judges for the beauty pageant who will treat our local girls respectfully and make sure they feel safe. Hey, how about that lothario from the local Army base? I hear his name is ‘Killer’ — that’s got to be a good sign, right?”
JupiterPluviusMay 16th, 2011 at 1:22 am [Reply]
@BigTed (#48): Forget it, Big Ted. It’s Inappropriateville. Inappropriateville.
You should have seen who they picked to judge the Beautiful Baby contest!
Chip WhittleMay 16th, 2011 at 1:35 am [Reply]
I guess my question is: are we relieved or saddened Killer isn’t judging the sorry beauty contest in Luann?
Fata MorganaMay 16th, 2011 at 1:44 am [Reply]
MW: “She didn’t accept what I said! My just-friends romantic date and bouquet was a complete failure! Ok, Drew, time to step-up my just-friends message with some diamond jewelry and a just-friends weekend in the bahamas!”
bats :[May 16th, 2011 at 2:03 am [Reply]
For a lot of folks here, and you know who you are (especially Poteet).
JonnMay 16th, 2011 at 2:26 am [Reply]
Does Doris even have a second facial expression?
Mr. O'MalleyMay 16th, 2011 at 2:27 am [Reply]
@bats :[ (#46): It’s on that Beetle Bailey comic above.
Google Translate says “Beware of Filth”.
bunivasalMay 16th, 2011 at 2:43 am [Reply]
Is Tommy always winking in the Sunday Apartment 3-G lead in? Because either way, holy AUUUUUGH with a capital Cathy, that’s horrifying.
This GuyMay 16th, 2011 at 2:48 am [Reply]
5/16
Crank: I’m pretty sure that on the global warming curve, “inundation of coastal areas” and “near-total collapse of civilization” come before “coffee plants thrive in northern Ohio.”
May 16th, 2011 at 2:59 am [Reply]
A3G: OK, Rocky Horror fans, chant it with me!: “Who’s got syph? Who’s got syph?”
KarMannMay 16th, 2011 at 3:09 am [Reply]
Marvin: Hoo boy, Armstrong’s gonna get letters. Maybe they could get Marvin canceled? Pretty please?
LisaMay 16th, 2011 at 3:13 am [Reply]
Get Fuzzy: Satchel, a word of advise, don’t put things you find in Rob’s nightstand in your mouth.
KrisTMMay 16th, 2011 at 3:21 am [Reply]
Why is Hi using hand trucks to move four pancakes?
chisteryMay 16th, 2011 at 3:26 am [Reply]
A3G Hmmm. I guess Doris finally disproves that old adage; that there’s no such thing as an ugly bride.
KarMannMay 16th, 2011 at 3:32 am [Reply]
Ripley’s: Pro-tip: Maybe, before you try to impress us with 1,185-letter words, you should show us that you can spell “mosaic” correctly?
Bill ThompsonMay 16th, 2011 at 3:51 am [Reply]
FW: Call of the Wildly Obvious: Batiuk recently had a script turned down. Prepare for cliches about the philistines of Hollyweird.
Mr. O'MalleyMay 16th, 2011 at 4:49 am [Reply]
@Bill Thompson (#63): Interesting. Because when Hollywood options a novel (or in this case, I suppose Les has produced a work in that currently fashionable genre of “creative non-fiction”), they don’t normally ask the author to write the script for the film.
Prime reason for this: writing film scripts is a different genre than writing books. When you’re investing several million in a movie, you prefer to hire a scriptwriter who has some experience. For the same reason, authors are not consulted on casting, costume design, and all the myriad other details that go into making a movie.
I shudder to think what’s in store for us.
teenchyMay 16th, 2011 at 6:12 am [Reply]
5/16 Marmaduke: Nice shout out to Cecil the Sea-Sick Sea Serpent.
Doctor HandsomeMay 16th, 2011 at 6:20 am [Reply]
I can’t help but picture Killer’s celebration as being set to Ginuwine’s “Pony.”
Doctor HandsomeMay 16th, 2011 at 6:26 am [Reply]
If I’m understanding Doris’s story correctly, this wedding is apparently taking place on their first date, over a really long lunch break.
teenchyMay 16th, 2011 at 6:33 am [Reply]
@Mr. O’Malley (#64): Perhaps they want that Barton Fink feeling.
SideshowJonMay 16th, 2011 at 6:45 am [Reply]
I know some of the lampooned cartoonists read this blog, so hopefully I’m not shouting into the ether:
Greg Evans, your beauty contest storyline was NOT so compelling that it needs an epilogue. Please cease and desist.
Regards.
John C FremontMay 16th, 2011 at 6:47 am [Reply]
@teenchy (#65): OMG!! My sister used to have that Beanie doll! She also had an oversized Mighty Manfred the Wonder Dog that had a squeaky nose. I’m still trying to figure out how she turned out so normal.
KarMannMay 16th, 2011 at 6:51 am [Reply]
@teenchy (#65): Too bad the colorists got it all backwards. A shame, really, because that scene is so much easier to make sense of in color; it looks much more jumbled up in the B&W.
gleebMay 16th, 2011 at 6:59 am [Reply]
Up on the Roof: “You brought them here with your texting!” A strong anti-technology message today.
Phantom: Take THAT, incandescent illumination!
nescioMay 16th, 2011 at 7:00 am [Reply]
Well, I think it’s funny when Killer says “Imagine me with all those pretty girls” while literally jumping from bed to bed.
Little GuyMay 16th, 2011 at 7:21 am [Reply]
Luann: If Crystal starts to screech that Tiffany should “make up the difference” or some other convuluted way that she should fork over a “donation”, I’m over this strip. They had a fundraiser. Whatever was made went to the school. That’s it, that’s the list, and time to move on.
MT: Paging Brad Dourif and his moisterizer!
DT: Next on “That’s Incredible!” – a police dog that can detect and locate white Canadian rappers from the 90’s!
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 7:24 am [Reply]
@bats :[ (#46):
What does “Varning för Snusk” mean?
It means “Arningvay fayöray Usksnay” in Pig Latin.
teenchyMay 16th, 2011 at 7:48 am [Reply]
@John C Fremont (#70): The Beany doll is a little creepy cf. the Cecil doll IMO. I’ve never seen the Mighty Manfred doll (or a Tom Terrific one) and a quick GIS doesn’t find them either.
B&C were a big part of my childhood. Watching them today I sometimes wonder what I saw in them but more often than not the subtle and not-so-subtle humor still connects. Oh, and in hindsight Clampett’s self-portrait in the opening credits looks eerily like a young Elvis Costello.
PipMay 16th, 2011 at 8:12 am [Reply]
It’s kind of sad how nonchalant Hi’s son is about all of this. Could it be that he doesn’t know what his father means? Or could it be that Hi’s son, in his heart of hearts, is willing to get mowed down just so that his father may hopefully gain the fulfillment that has so long eluded him? =P
Vince MMay 16th, 2011 at 8:32 am [Reply]
@teenchy (#76): Beany and Cecil was a smart, funny show, but yes, Beany was creepy in all his iterations. It started out as a live-action puppet show and it shows in the cartoon version, but it’s Beany-boy that really carries that uncanny valley puppets-are-evil vibe.
CrankenstankMay 16th, 2011 at 1:14 pm [Reply]
I do dream of a crossover storyline between A3G and Spiderman, where A3G supplies the villains. Doris as a husband-bronzing mass murderer sounds like a promising start to me. Throwing the in-your-face schadenfreude of comparing her marital state to that of Margo might be an even better hook for a super-villain, though. What to call her, though? The Mega-Jeal? The Envy-Maker? The Green Widow?
ElkMeadowMay 16th, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#36):
I usually like beards, but Draco’s is eww. And I can’t remember who Maeve is. Dang.
Maeve is Arn’s wife, daughter of Mordred, who is the only child of King Arthur. She was raised by druids, as I recall. Mordred is still stumping around in the countryside somewhere. I have no idea what Maeve’s kid’s name is, but he/she is the next ruler, which makes Arn the Regent, which is the job Draco wants.
I still call that Mudhen is going to turn out to be Maeve’s half-sister.
In which case, with Arn and Valiant out of the way, Draco would become regent, then should anything accidentally happen on purpose to Maeve’s kid, then his and Mudhen’s would be the next in line.
PsychidMay 16th, 2011 at 2:13 pm [Reply]
I don’t think it’s just the pillow humping. I think it’s also the physical abuse against his own cot.
Victor VonMay 16th, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]
@The Yellow Kid (#27): I figure that they got married in the middle of a cocktail party thrown by strangers. Y’know, like people do.
dodoman1May 16th, 2011 at 3:14 pm [Reply]
Who the hell selected a random no-name army private to judge a beauty contest? I guess they figured he was qualified, being an expert in the objectification of women and all.
ElkMeadowMay 16th, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]
@Bill Thompson (#63):
FW: Call of the Wildly Obvious: Batiuk recently had a script turned down. Prepare for cliches about the philistines of Hollyweird.
I’ll hold my breath. I had no idea that Hollywood had standards.
Beetle BumsteadMay 16th, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]
@Psychid (#81): There’s the cot, but there is also the suggestive crease in the pillow in panels 1, 2 and 3 that are just begging for Killer to hump it like he has so many times before.
MoebiusMay 16th, 2011 at 6:12 pm [Reply]
@KrisTM (#60):
Bwahaha, excellent Kris! There’s even a pat of butter on top…..
May 16th, 2011 at 8:28 pm [Reply]
Shouldn’t that be “say challo to mah leel fran!” if you’re going to get the accent right?
and “it can happen to anyone and usually does” would only make sense in some sort of Bizarro World where everyone is happily married.
May 17th, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]
Beetle: Almost as erotically satisfying as Tommy Wiseau humping a red dress is that one guy humping a pillow. Convoluted grammar I write.
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