Mark Trail, 12/1/10
GOOD MORNING AMERICA! When you got out of bed today, was your mind prepared for the prospect of seeing Mark Trail easing himself erotically out of his shirt, offering a glimpse of disturbingly smooth and featureless pink flesh behind the khaki? Were you prepared for the word balloon emerging sexily from behind that shower curtain — prepared for the unsettling feelings you’d get, knowing that the pointless, awkward sentence was being spoken by a fully nude Mark Trail? Were you prepared for the porn-ready circumstances of panel three, in which Kelly Welly prepares to “accidentally” stumble upon Mark naked and glistening with shower-dew? Were you ready for December 1, 2010, aka the most sexually charged day in history?
Mary Worth, 12/1/10
In contrast with that raw sensuality, the goings-on in Mary Worth just seem tawdry and gross. Actually, check that, they’d be tawdry and gross under any circumstances. Poor Dr. Jeff is attempting to keep a cheery expression on his face as he summons all his strength to remove Jill’s grabby hands from the erogenous zones at the back of his neck. He’s hoping that this doesn’t turn into a scene, but it might be too late: that lady in pink in the background of panel two has already swiveled her head around 180 degrees to check out the drunk-bridesmaid-on-father-of-the-bride action.
Archie, 12/1/10
It’s not clear what industry, if any, sustains Riverdale’s economy. I generally believe that the whole town is the personal fiefdom of the Lodge family, and thus it makes sense that, as panel one indicates, Mr. Lodge’s continued solvency is front-page news.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 1, 2010 at 10:52 am and is filed under Archie, Mark Trail, Mary Worth. | 195 responses to “” Rocky StoneaxeDecember 1st, 2010 at 10:59 am [Reply]
In other news: Mr. Lodge is still rich!
But What Do I Know?December 1st, 2010 at 10:59 am [Reply]
SM–The best the planet has to offer–except for women, apparently. . .
The Ghost Who Gets Bailed Out by Unplanned Split-Second Timing–Apparently Capt. Savarna can also see through rock since she was able to hit a guard post that couldn’t possibly be spotted from her ship.
RichterCaDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:02 am [Reply]
RMMD – Hey, the Mayor is right! I’m sure there’s no difference between being on the Museum Board and volunteering at the museum. SAME EXACT THING!
Kris WhyteDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:02 am [Reply]
I’m surprised you didn’t include JP in the sexytimes post. Pretty sure this isn’t one of those times when a gun is just a gun.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:02 am [Reply]
arrrrg! post-jumped snark on yesterthread. *cries*
EllieDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:06 am [Reply]
MW- panel 2, Jeff is clearly embarrassed and confused by the first erection he’s experienced since he started dating Mary.
Rocky StoneaxeDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:06 am [Reply]
Someone should tell Jill and Kelly that real men like Jeff and Mark like to be romanced a little before being asked to close the deal!
Mr. GobotoDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:10 am [Reply]
MW: Every woman is blonde and every man has flaxen highlights. Mary Worth isn’t even trying to hide it anymore.
AndyLDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:13 am [Reply]
The woman in pink with the inordinately flexible neck and the bizarre face is clearly a walking corpse, but I can’t help but wonder about the guy in the foreground wearing the fishnet suit jacket. What’s his story?
JBDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:17 am [Reply]
MW: Actually, it appears her entire abdomen is rotated 360 degrees, and her partner is seizing the opportunity to cop a feel.
DarkefangDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:19 am [Reply]
MW: Are we sure that Jill works at the hospital with Adrian? Normally you have to go to a strip club or the set of a porn movie to find a woman with daddy issues like this.
Artist formerly known as BenDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:22 am [Reply]
MT: Going out on a limb here and guessing that the drop ceiling is the only thing in that bathroom that’s hung low.
MW: Jill gets her Electra on while peroxided Parker Posey looks on in disgust.
Archie: Veronica: And there’s actually a headline in the paper about how daddy is still rich. Is this town lame or what?
H&J: Suicide fail.
HtH: You’re Vikings. Just burn down the whole house and confiscate a new one.
DT: …just like no one would suspect you’re transporting a dangerous serial killer secured by only rusty chains and buckles.
JP: “And when I say ‘handles a gun’, I mean… something. Something innuendo-ey. Am I doing this right?”
GA: You’re the one who keeps tuning it to Kate Plus 8, Gertie. Walt’s getting up when the commercials are done is quite deliberate.
FC: NO ONE ASKED ABOUT YOUR FECES JEFFY!
A3G: Boy did Aunt Iris go to the wrong place. No one in that apartment can tell you about almost killing a man. Now actually killing them, that’s another story. A whole anthology of stories, once Margo gets home.
DASDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:22 am [Reply]
Why am I more curious about the drop ceilings Mark Trail apparently has in his bathroom (and his apartment-style front door on what appears to be, judging by the walls, a wooden shack) than what Mark Trail looks like naked?
fillmoreeastDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:23 am [Reply]
180 DEGREES DAMMIT. 360 WOULD HAVE HER FACING HER PARTNER AGAIN.
Sorry. Pet peeve.
Red GreenbackDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:28 am [Reply]
Hate to be the guy, but shouldn’t that be 180 degrees?…
Maybe you’re right, her head could be in mid-spin in the freeze frame… carry on.
December 1st, 2010 at 11:30 am [Reply]
Ripley’s — Better ate than never!
Pluggers — This gag works best in my home state since everything changes so fast around here! (Brookins has run two Florida submissions in as many days… coincidence or the start of a new trend?)
JoshDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:31 am [Reply]
@fillmoreeast (#14) and @Red Greenback (#15): GAH YOU ARE BOTH RIGHT I FIXED THIS
Mr. GobotoDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:31 am [Reply]
DT: And now I see to the heart of the Chief’s plan circumvent the press and spare the city the cost of providing security for the sentencing hearing. Put the guy in a car with Tracy, alone, and let nature take its course.
FW: It’s nice to see that even though his morbid worship of his dear, dead wife prevents Les from having a sustained, healthy romantic relationship for fear of desecrating his wholly unrealistic and idealized memory of Lisa, it doesn’t keep him from making a gay joke. Wait … that’s not nice. That’s not nice at all.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:31 am [Reply]
epic bunny is epic.
I can haz a down naow?
a flower 4 bb,u.
PatrickDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:32 am [Reply]
What’s more disturbing is that Mark is either in a bathroom where the ceiling is starting to lower on him or he’s grown to about 7 feet tall.
MustangDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:32 am [Reply]
@DAS (#13): THAT’S not Mark’s HOUSE. IT’S the SEA Breeze FISHING CAMP Super 8.
CarloDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:33 am [Reply]
There is no natural way that woman could look like that in panel 3. @fillmoreeast (#14): It would appear her head did spin all the way around and then some, making it more like 450 degrees.
It would also appear that Mr. Lodge keeps all the denizens of Riverdale intentionally illiterate and unlearned to continue his reign of terror and to ensure a vast supply of test subjects for his conglomerate’s experiments.
Scott BotDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:36 am [Reply]
Archie – I always assumed that Riverdale was one of those company towns like you found in the coal mining regions of the South, where Lodge Industries owns everything (obviously including the daily paper).
DT – ‘Chances are pretty good that the killers will take out one of the innocent actors and not your prisoner, Dick, but that’s a risk we have to take to bring this scum to justice.’
JP – Every woman in this town has bangs hanging in their eyes. Don’t they have hairdressers in this burg?
MT – He’ll be even more surprised when you slip into his shower naked, Kelly.
MW – The lady who’s head is doing the Excorsist thing looks like a young Mary Worth…
Pluggers – are too damned stupid to read street signs.
Red GreenbackDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:37 am [Reply]
“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”
-Jason Kidd
December 1st, 2010 at 11:38 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#19): Is that bunny photoshopped or does Nature have more surprises in store than I ever suspected?
daleDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:38 am [Reply]
I’m mentally prepared for the Mark and Kelly happening.
At a visceral level, not so much: Brad and Toni have already made me sick enough.
December 1st, 2010 at 11:44 am [Reply]
Also, the Lodge tyranny explains why Archie hasn’t done a stroke of proper work in several decades. Honestly, look at that complacent yawning mug. It makes me thirst for the revolution.
Steve the PocketDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:45 am [Reply]
Family Circus: Everyone else has already said it, so moving on.
Funky Winkerbean: For a guy so freakin’ obsessed about his DEAD WIFE that he’s seeing her ghost everywhere and has written a book on her for which he is currently going on a nationwide tour, he’s sure quick to throw around “my wife” jokes.
Mother Goose: Gratuitously name-dropping things that have been in the news lately and making that the punchline! That’s some quality comedy right there!
Pluggers: GAAAAAAAA another one about my relatives
Shoe: Epic second panel alert.
k#December 1st, 2010 at 11:45 am [Reply]
MW: Dr. Jeff’s word balloon says no, but his eyes say “BOINGGG!”
ComcisFanDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:45 am [Reply]
FW: A hump in the back would be the most lascivious act to occur in Funky Winkerbean ever. They didn’t have to emphasize it by mentioning getting stiffed.
MW: Ted Koppel seems miffed that his dance partner, rather than doing that Charterstone standard — the Lindy — is trying a new move, the Linda Blair.
Artist formerly known as BenDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:46 am [Reply]
@TheDiva (y221): Spot on concerning Mole Man’s spread. Giant mutant lima beans do not a meal make, as faras I’m concerned.
MJHansenDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:47 am [Reply]
It appears there’s so little news in Riverdale to report the bulletins in the Teacher’s Lounge are all blank.
Rocky StoneaxeDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:50 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#16):
I apologize to Anna Redgrave of Brookline, MA for uprooting the entire Redgrave clan and moving them to Florida without their permission! (I’ll reimburse you for the moving van, Anna… I promise!)
mojoDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:50 am [Reply]
Dr. Jeff drops a drunken Jill on the floor in disgust, and then shouts across the room at Adrian: “That’s IT, Adrian! SEE what happens when you move out of your parents’ house? You start HANGING OUT with the WRONG SORT of PEOPLE! The wedding’s OFF! Now, tell Scott goodbye, pack your things like a good girl and MOVE BACK HOME! You’re GROUNDED for a WEEK!”
DASDecember 1st, 2010 at 11:58 am [Reply]
@Mustang (#21): well, that does explain the door and the walls. But it still doesn’t explain the drop ceiling in the bathroom. Who puts a drop ceiling in a bathroom, even in a cheap motel?
Dr. HorribleDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:01 pm [Reply]
Glad to see comic strip writers everywhere are getting into the spirit of National Be a Creeper Day. You know what they say, facebook holidays aren’t just for facebook anymore!
MarkTwailDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]
I love how Mark Trail is unbuttoning his shirt, a rare event in this strip. He won’t take it off, though: will shower, as always, with khaki shirt and pants on.
(My first post: can remain lurking no longer.)
UncleJeffDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]
Archie: The back page of the Riverdale tabloid is a full-page portrait of Mr. Lodge and the caption “HA HA!” (tip o’the hat to Nelson Muntz)
DiggerDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:03 pm [Reply]
MW: Jill apparently wants to get revenge on Adrian and Mary by seducing Dr. Jeff. It’s an act of violence, not love.
MT: I am utterly shocked by today’s Mark Trail. I can’t believe Mark is actually taking off his shirt. I was under the impression he slept and showered in his khakis.
MaggieDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:03 pm [Reply]
I can’t believe you’re calling out hot sexy comic strip action without mentioning this week’s Luann! Is it because you eyes burn with shame and confusion each day this queasiness progresses? Because… because I get that. When I saw Toni Daytona charlie horse humping Brad today, I called in sick and went back to bed.
MWDGDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:09 pm [Reply]
I hope this rehearsal dinner last for months. I hope Jeff gets some (forgive me) poontang from Jill.
Notes:
Adrian has insisted that all other women at the wedding be blond to make her elfin blue-do stand out.
The woman that’s head has spun around is indeed the lovely Zsa Zsa Gabor!
I wonder if Charterstone’s super internet super sleuth and lesbian, Terry Bryson will have an embarressing annoucement about Adrian at the wedding?
December 1st, 2010 at 12:09 pm [Reply]
Kelly and Mark…hmmmm…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fYfdlKIon4&feature=related
December 1st, 2010 at 12:10 pm [Reply]
Oh, and for Jill the drunk:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1qDpQYMjqs
Oh yeaaaahhh.
December 1st, 2010 at 12:12 pm [Reply]
@MarkTwail (#37):
Welcome to the board!
[Old Man] MuffarooDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:16 pm [Reply]
Phantom – Somebody needs to do something for all those unjustly imprisoned souls in Gravelines. Shelling the entire place from off shore ought to do it! Just don’t hit that one guy on the horse.
(Apparently most of the snark bait today is black and white. Why am I the only one not getting the Chronicle’s KFS toons today?)
VigilanteMarkDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]
All that second Mark Trail panel is missing is a random, voyeuristic beaver to take de facto ownership of that word balloon. That’s what MT does with dialogue whenever the speaker isn’t visible, right? Stick an animal in the foreground?
Chip WhittleDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#25):
Is that bunny photoshopped or does Nature have more surprises in store than I ever suspected?
It’s conceivably photoshopped but, yeah, Nature has surprises for you. The Flemish Giant grows naturally[1] to Mark Trailian proportions, with some examples larger than I am[2]. Fortunately they tend to be a laid-back, gentle breed, since when they get riled up they can rampage like a flock of nervous pangolins, leaving destruction and shed fur across the land.
[1] As naturally as any breed is natural, I mean.
[2] I’ve been slimming nicely since I got a WiiFit, thank you.
LUJBEM FEJFDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:19 pm [Reply]
Dick- Bring out the Gimp.
CarloDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]
You all need to give Jill a break. As the ZZ Top song goes, every girl’s crazy about a man in a rust-colored suit.
Jim NorthDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:26 pm [Reply]
First post from a new guy? Yup, first post from a new guy.
BB: Man, I hate to be nitpicky (PS, I love to be nitpicky), but the erstwhile general does still have hair, ladies! You don’t want him to become one of those balding hippie types, do you? DO YOU?!
JP: And then right after panel three, he starts playfully chewing on the arm of his glasses and running his tongue up and down, up and down . . . now try not to see it.
Luann: Brad proves he has absolutely no idea how a chorus line actually works.
Marvin: Do . . . do magazines actually check up on you to make sure you’re following their advice?! Oh God! Oh God! What if I’m not being cosmopolitan enough?!
SM: Moley has obviously forgotten which SM superhero he’s up against if he thinks feeding the ladies kryptonite is going to do any good.
[Old Man] MuffarooDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:27 pm [Reply]
Pluggers live surrounded by the phantasms of what used to be, and their conversation is mostly about the departed. Um… oh yeah: ha ha!
Artist formerly known as BenDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:27 pm [Reply]
@VigilanteMark (#46): You’ve thrown down the beaver gauntlet, but I’m not picking it up. No sir. @Chip Whittle (#47): I’m kind of surprised that they don’t call it a Wii-B-Fit.
Still amazed at the size of that wabbit. Most North American breeds are about the size of your foot.
December 1st, 2010 at 12:29 pm [Reply]
Every day on my way to work I pass this guy wearing a sandwich board that reads “THE END IS NIGH.” I’ve never really given him much thought, but seriously, if Luann DeGroot suddenly goes on an assignment to investigate poachers, I might need to go in for a sandwich board fitting.
Rana the Pedantic Wet BlanketDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:30 pm [Reply]
@Mr. Goboto (#18): FW – I know, right? The guy’s trying to be helpful, and Les both blows him off and makes a gay joke in the process. It would serve him right if next time he ends up on air with a big piece of spinach in his teeth.
ElkMeadowDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:30 pm [Reply]
@Charlene (#y204):
The LA Times is reporting that John D’Agostino Sr., who drew Archie among others, has died at the age of 81.
I give my kids copies of the Archie’s Comic Digests (which contain reprints) for stocking stuffers. Last year, one of digests had a story section where the characters gave a “this is your life “salute to Mr. D’Agostino, Sr. I am sorry for his family’s loss and grateful for the works he created in his career fields.
(Accidentally posted at end of yesterday’s dead thread while preparing this–sorry Josh and Uncle Lumpy.)
Rana the Pedantic Wet BlanketDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:32 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#31): Shouldn’t that be “as favas I’m concerned”?
ba-dum-pish
Uncle LumpyDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:33 pm [Reply]
Am I ready for naked Mark Trail hijinks?
OH I AM SO READY!
SoccerheadDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:34 pm [Reply]
Pluggers: …”and then take a left where Burger Chef was”.
Didn’t we just do this joke, like, two days ago?
December 1st, 2010 at 12:34 pm [Reply]
@Calico (#43): ooooo, saw that one coming right off the bat. ROFL.
Illustrator SteveDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:37 pm [Reply]
MK: This won’t be the first time Kelly sees Mark without a shirt on but it may be the first time she sees him in the all and all. If Kelly finally gets Mark in the sack I’m calling Cherry and Doc at their lost forest cabin to let them know about the hanky-panky going on. Maybe Cherry will be so pissed at Mark that she’ll go next door to visit neighbor Frank Johnson when his wife isn’t home and get Frank in the sack too. Wow, now THAT could be the start of a story that would make me a fan of this comic strip!
MarkDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:38 pm [Reply]
Judge Parker: If they don’t get it on pretty soon, the sexual tension will be simply overwhelming. (I imagine it has gone on between strips, between panels even…)
DoodDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:40 pm [Reply]
@Soccerhead (#58): Burger Chef and LUJBEM FEJF!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:41 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#25): it’s real although the perspective of the pic makes it look bigger, in true Trailian fashion.
Écureuil ÉcumantDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:42 pm [Reply]
FW: Funky only earns half credit: He got the relationship right but the role wrong.
Archie: Arch’s kilt looks positively fetching, but why is he wearing it on the bias?
ElkMeadowDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:43 pm [Reply]
@dreadedcandiru2 (#y217):
My friend Greg Evans who does the syndicated strip “Luanne” has just released his 25th Anniversary book and it’s well worth ordering! Greg is one of my good friends and colleagues.
I suspect that I put more thought into what I am going to post here at CC than Lynn does at her own site. I wonder if she just insists on doing everything her own way, if her staff is punishing her, or if proof-reading just isn’t their thing.
(BTW, thank you for the “preview” option!)
DoodDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:43 pm [Reply]
Until today, I thought Mark Trail’s manner of (un)dress was like an onion. One layer of khaki upon another layer of khaki upon another layer of khaki …
un malpasoDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:45 pm [Reply]
MT: Raise your hand if you are looking forward to see Mark, Matt AND Kelly in some hot motel room action. I know I am!
Hands? Anybody? Um… anybody?
Oh well… I can dream. Can I ever dream.
PoteetDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]
In spite of the fierce competition, I do believe the ARCHIE newspaper headline is my very favorite feature in the comic lineup today. I want to believe it’s a wonderful endless newspaper series that sooner or later enables every single Riverdale resident to achieve front page status, as in “JUGHEAD STILL WEARS THAT HAT.”
Chip WhittleDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#52):
Still amazed at the size of that wabbit. Most North American breeds are about the size of your foot.
Heck, any rabbit can be smaller than my foot, but that’s because I’m a kangaroo. But yeah, the bigger rabbit breeds, they get so large that when they make a noise it goes ” “.
DoodDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]
Has the shower curtain in Mark Trail got a big date with Floor Matt?
Ethan ShusterDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:49 pm [Reply]
In reality, Mr. Lodge owns that newspaper and most of Riverdale, and rules it through fear. He himself had that article published to remind the local proletariat that they live and die by his choosing. Note the photo is not a portrait of a smiling Lodge, but a photo of him looking at all readers suspiciously, keeping watch over them like Big Brother. “I see you Riverdale! Remember that I am your master! Do not defy me!”
DoodDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:49 pm [Reply]
B @Poteet (#68): “BETTY STILL BLONDE”
ElkMeadowDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:51 pm [Reply]
Artist formerly known as Ben @ #52
Ducks and Beavers face off on Saturday at Corvallis. Tickets prices are now over $200. Too bad Mark Trail misses it every single year! I expect PBS to cover it sometime.
Ethan ShusterDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]
Jill is quite obviously drunk, since she unforgivably has a few obvious strands of hair out of place. In the world of Mary Worth, that’s the equivalent of getting out of a cab without underwear as the paparazzi snaps a shot.
PoteetDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]
MT — Have we ever seen thought bubbles in MT? Or do all the characters always proclaim their thoughts aloud? If the latter, I’m hoping even more that Kelly Welly will see Mark in the buff.
DoodDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]
Reese Witherspoon is clearly getting annoyed with Jill’s antics.
DoodDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#75): You know, Mark may only get one chance to do this.
Écureuil ÉcumantDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]
@Dood (#66): Yep, that’s it. Khaki all the way down.
PoteetDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]
@Ethan Shuster (#74): Hahaha! Come to think of it, I seem to recall that Charley’s hair was also in disarray.
Revenge of ChesnutDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:55 pm [Reply]
I think we can mark today as the day grad school has official broken me: I read that Archie strip and found myself nodding knowingly at the final panel. “I feel you, Archie comic spinster schoolmarm lady. Students are the worst!”
odinthorDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]
@un malpaso (#67): Um, with that thought, everyone’s hands are busy…
PoteetDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:57 pm [Reply]
@Dood (#77): And at the risk of turning to stone, I really, really want to see it.
MustangDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:57 pm [Reply]
@DAS (#35): The Sea Breeze Fishing Camp Motel 6?
MibbitmakerDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:58 pm [Reply]
Archie: The News: Hyram Lodge is still rich.
In other news… Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
9CL: “Gainsay”? How about lose-say-ing the pretention prattle, you thesaurus succubus (either Edda or Brooke)!
Phantom: Not so good a shot — she was aiming for Diana.
JP: In your pants/That’s what she said/Aye, aye, nudge, nudge, say no more, say no more!
HotC: Kids… lawn… check.
GA: Well, to be fair, Walt only watches a channel that just airs “reality” shows and Geico commercials.
FW: Mike, hate to tell you this… you’re going to get breast cancer.
Crank: Hold those poses in the last panel! Great, now you two have silently summed up life in Westview.
PoteetDecember 1st, 2010 at 12:58 pm [Reply]
@Revenge of Chesnut (#80): Ummm…you’re not wearing a skirt and bun like that, are you?
DoodDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:00 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#82): I don’t know if America is ready for Mark’s naughty bits o’ justice.
PoteetDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:04 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#85): Actually, I owe an apology to Miss Grundy. (That is Miss Grundy, right? She seemed to be absent from the Wiki list of ARCHIE characters, which yeah, I just looked up.) It seems to me that Miss Grundy rocks the bun and skirt as part of her eccentric but productive life. They suit her.
Aunt May’s bun, on the other hand, constantly reminds me that all she does most of the time is stay in her apartment and look pitiful. And now Peter is going to rescue her and force her to return to that wonderful life. Ugh.
Revenge of ChesnutDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:11 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#85): (eyebrow raised) Why do you ask?
Jym DyerDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:12 pm [Reply]
=23= Archie (@Scott Bot): Pretty close, actually, but the company town is based on textile mills along the Merrimack River in Massachusetts rather than coal-mining in the South. Archie was created by a guy who lived on that very river, downstream from the cities of Lowell (founded by Francis Cabot Lowell) and Lawrence (founded by Abbott Lawrence).
These surnames are all part of the state’s aristocracy (they all came over on the Mayflower or something) and there really is a Lodge family in that bunch. Henry Cabot Lodge ran for Vice President alongside Richard Nixon in 1960.
Jim NorthDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]
@Dood (#66): I’m pretty sure that when Mark gets out of the shower, he’ll just rip off that layer of skin, revealing a new layer of khaki just underneath. He only really needs to shower in order to maintain his slicked-wet hairdo.
Walker of DogDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:17 pm [Reply]
A3G: Tommie pines for the day when she is a significant enough presence in someone’s life to warrant almost getting killed.
FC: Top of the Christmas shopping list for Jeffy: Toilet paper. And maybe some roughage.
RMMD: Legality? Ethics? This doesn’t sound like any mayor I want to know. It must be the prostate talking.
JP: Sam Driver: he reads Old Man Parker’s tarted-up recollections so we don’t have to.
MW: Jill is really getting rowdy and careless. I think Mary may have picked the wrong night to show everyone her new glass swans.
Neal RDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:20 pm [Reply]
MT… DO NOT LIGHT A MATCH. That smoke you see is a truly massive Mark Fart! He’s been saving it for, well since forever….
Batman BeatlesDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:20 pm [Reply]
MW – Please let there be a drunken speech at the dinner. Make Helen Clark proud.
HankDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:22 pm [Reply]
@Steve the Pocket (#28): “relatives”…..riiiiiiighhhhhttt…… ;)
Professor FateDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:22 pm [Reply]
MW: Either the guy on the right is dancing with a manikin or somebodys neck just shattered.
FW: He idealizes his dead wife because being dead, she can’t point out what a smug douchebacg he is or when he’s being a total dick.
Luann: Oh just fuck already. Even I’m not this repressed.
commodorejohnDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:22 pm [Reply]
A3G – Look, Iris, do you have some kind of psychic powers of distraction we haven’t learned about? Because if not, there is no way in hell you could possibly be construed as being responsible for the guy’s accident. I mean, I even went and looked it up, just to be sure. Whatever Thorpian spacetime anomaly is causing the guy to suddenly teleport next to you, rotate 90°, and implant the front of his bike into a car that has appeared out of nowhere, it has nothing to do with you standing on the curb and reading a map.
Bizarro – Oh hell yes. Now if Piraro could just have worked La Durée poignardée in there somewhere… [*]
BR – Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson is pissed!
DT – You want the serial killer transported alive, so you’re leaving him alone in a car with Dick!? Even by Tracyverse logic this makes no sense.
FC –
And Ehud came to him; and he was sitting in a summer parlor, which he had for himself alone. And Ehud said, I have a message from God to you. And he arose out of his seat. And Ehud put forth his left hand, and took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly: And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and the dirt came out. Then Ehud went forth through the porch, and shut the doors of the parlor on him, and locked them. When he was gone out, his servants came; and when they saw that, behold, the doors of the parlor were locked, they said, Surely he covereth his feet in his summer chamber.
Judges 3:19-24
My favorite Scripture passage.
FW – Words cannot express how much I would love it if this weird, weird slip was the first sign of Les having a breakdown in front of thousands of LA-area TV viewers.
HOTC – Now, now. It’s not technology that’s to blame, it’s people. Technology just gives us the tools; it’s the people who choose to make themselves idiots with them.
Luann – Oh, now I see. The cramp wasn’t to end the kissing, it was so that Greg could depict Toni dry-humping Brad and get away with it. Tee-hee, he’s so naughty, that Greg! Tee hee hee!
MT – So yeah, Mark Trail is displaying more raw sexuality than Luann, which is actively attempting to be “sexy” or something. Mark this day on the calendar, folks.
MW – Jill’s so drunk, she’s somehow spun her dress around 180° without taking it off! Or, uh, at least that’s what I assume from the back-cleavage in panel two.
Phantom – Bad. Ass.
Popeye – Eh, I think engagement ettiquette would allow for an unspoken dissolution if one party tries to kill the other, as I believe Olive has on at least one occasion.
DanDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:30 pm [Reply]
Of course Mark’s chest is smooth. You didn’t think Mark Trail would have body hair, like some filthy bearded poacher, did you? Nope, from the eyebrows down, it’s clean, pink righteousness all the way.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:34 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#96): or Le Viol . . . .
commodorejohnDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:37 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#98): …good Lord. It’s like a Terry Gilliam nightmare. I’m…just going to back away now.
SoapWatcherDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:46 pm [Reply]
@VigilanteMark (#46): That’s a great idea. Maybe a foreground toothbrush holder could play the part of the over-sized animal in this case. Or a bedbug?
Meanwhile I can’t help wishing a few musical notes had been added to Mark’s in-shower remarks.
UncleJeffDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:49 pm [Reply]
@Jym Dyer (#89): Here’s to the town of Olde Boston, the land of the bean and the cod.
Where Lowells speak only to Cabots, and Cabots speak only to God.
December 1st, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]
@Ned Ryerson (#y219): It’s the “incompetent idiot who hasn’t read the damned thing” spelling!!
britbikeDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:52 pm [Reply]
mw: the twisted around woman in pink? That’s Mary herself. Keeping an eye on Jeffy-boy.
Artist formerly known as BenDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:52 pm [Reply]
@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#56): Very good. Maybe the Hannibal Lecter knockoff was supposed to go in Spider-Man instead of Dick Tracy.
CalicoDecember 1st, 2010 at 1:56 pm [Reply]
@un malpaso (#67):
And then Matt knocks on the unlocked door, and…well, y’know…
Boom chicka bow-wow!
December 1st, 2010 at 2:05 pm [Reply]
Ah, so “Archie in drag” and Bozo the Clown there are teachers at the school. I never knew.
Neal RDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:06 pm [Reply]
And if that’s the front page, we’ve all been moved into a mirror image universe.
No Stupid BearDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:08 pm [Reply]
Funky Winkerbean: The “my wife” joke actually makes a lot of sense because as Les’s handler for this stop of the tour, I’m pretty sure Mike now wishes he were dead, like Lisa.
Écureuil ÉcumantDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:12 pm [Reply]
@96 commodorejohn said:
Surely he covereth his feet in his summer chamber.
Judges 3:19-24
And by “covereth his feet”, the ancient scribe actually meant “covereth his junk”. Heh, heh. Junk.
Baka GaijinDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:18 pm [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#106): Whew! I thought I was the only one. EVILSCARYalmost CLOWN!!!!
OregonianDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]
MW: Jill is giddy… Adrian is giddy… Five dollars says the two of them will elope to San Francisco before the Sunday strip.
Ned RyersonDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]
“My wife!”
(any listeners to the Petros & Money Show?? no?? oh well)
JDDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:24 pm [Reply]
H&L: You know a strip is phoning it in when they hand off the “crazy changes in this modern world” gags to the baby. You have a lot to be nostalgic for when you’re not even one…
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle PatrolDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]
@fillmoreeast (#14): Reminds me of the dumb flight crew that gets into trouble: NAVIGATOR: “Let’s do a 360 and get out of here!”
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]
ok, Magritte. He’s my favorite Surrealist painter, and the following story is a good reason why. Midway through my college career, I took an Art History elective, and bombed it. (brute memorization, dry professor, spring term, over-heated auditoriumzzzzzz) So, next term, I retook it, and got this bubbly prof fresh out of grad school, who was not used to my large Midwestern University’s “Feed Me!” attitude amongst the student body. Still, she persevered in her efforts to get student interaction and discussion, despite there being only three students who would ever actually *answer* her questions. There was an earnest older female who sat right in front of the podium gazing adoringly at the prof, a heavy-set amateur comedian a bit further back, and some sarcastic fellow way in the back. (that would be me.) During the section on Surrealism, which was defined as “naturalistic portrayal of supernatural subject matter,” a slide of Magritte’s Castle in the Pyrenees was put up, and the prof asked the hundred plus students if anyone could tell her what the “supernatural subject matter” was in the painting.
dead silence.
“anyone?”
The comedian spoke up from midway back, “you mean the floating rock?”
“YES! The FLOATING ROCK!” (The prof literally hopped on the stage as she yelled this.)
The class all slumped in their seats in embarrassment, and I almost pulled a muscle trying to stifle hysterics.
One of my favorite college memories, and I owe it all to Magritte.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle PatrolDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:30 pm [Reply]
MT: Do you suppose Mark uses a bar of soap, liquid soap, or a loofah?
BartoDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:30 pm [Reply]
MT: Mark is abviously talking to somebody who’s already IN the shower, otherwise the whole thing doesn’t make much sense. Pass the loofah!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:31 pm [Reply]
as a note, the prof later told me that she forever after always thought of that painting as “The Floating Rock Painting.”
good times.
BlueberryDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:32 pm [Reply]
Mark “Too Sexy For My Shirt” Trail sounds like he’s looking forward to Matt getting there early…
PoteetDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:34 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#118): Good tale.
terrapinDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:35 pm [Reply]
MT-Won’t Kelly Welly be surprised when she peeks into the shower only to see Mark in a worm suit exactly like the one Gunther wore a few months ago except that Marks’ is khaki.
SM-Really Mole Man? The best this planet has to offer? Do you get Wi-Fi?
FC-That shirt used to be white Jeffy.
Red GreenbackDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#116): None of them. Mark punches off his funk.
Steve the PocketDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:37 pm [Reply]
@Hank (#94): I would have been more specific, but I genuinely don’t remember who it was who first said “turn where the barn used to be” in reference to someone’s house, which has since become something of a meme at every family reunion as well as That Joke My Parents Tell Everybody after they run out of embarrassing stories about me as a kid.
PoteetDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:38 pm [Reply]
MT — If we don’t end up with some nudity and/or sex, I demand bedbugs.
PoteetDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:40 pm [Reply]
@Revenge of Chesnut (#88): HAR!!
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle PatrolDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:40 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#96): Re FC — I had to break open an NIV to understand the reference, but yea, that is a pretty good set of Scripture.
LogopolisMikeDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:41 pm [Reply]
@But What Do I Know? (#2): Shows what I know. I thought Phantom had moved onto a new plot entirely.
MW God, I don’t ask for much. But please let us see Mary bring the wrath of Worth down on Jill for getting up in her man’s business. In Aldo’s Name we Pray, Amen.
Spider-Man Aunt May and MJ seem to really be enjoying a lovely evening out without Peter. I’m surprised his Spidey sense isn’t tingling so that he can hurry up and ruin it.
A3G: I’ve been operating under the assumption that Aunt Iris is going to hook up the bike messenger with Tommy, and if so, she is really working fast. So let this be a lesson single ladies who don’t want to be single, invite your roommate’s crazy aunt to town if you want to get laid.
bourbon babe, unbuckledDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:48 pm [Reply]
@MarkTwail (#37): Welcome!—and are you saying that Mark Trail is a never-nude?
@VigilanteMark (#46):
All that second Mark Trail panel is missing is a random, voyeuristic beaver
No, I believe she’s knocking at the door right now!
@Jim North (#50): And welcome to you, too!
DoodDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:49 pm [Reply]
@Neal R (#92): Explains how the drop ceiling was eaten away. Memo to Matt: Do not get there early.
DoodDecember 1st, 2010 at 2:54 pm [Reply]
So this is how Mark Trail does “Let’s Make a Deal.” Kelly has chosen Door No. 5 in hopes of winning what’s behind Curtain No. 1.
Just Call Me EDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#25): Bunneh is Not photo-shopped.
Chip WhittleDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:03 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#128):
Welcome!—and are you saying that Mark Trail is a never-nude?
I had kind of assumed that underneath Mark Trail’s clothing at any time was an identical set of clothing, and if he unzipped that there’d be another set just underneath that, and so on, like that Bugs Bunny cartoon where he trapped the poor guy in an infinite-regression horse costume.
On to the Comics Kingdom:
Apartment 3-G: In her belief she almost killed this guy, Iris has clearly chosen to live in a more interesting comic strip than she’s actually in. It sounds admirable, but this is how people fall through a distorting lens and end up in Dick Tracy, where Iris can be a crazy taser-based archvillain killed by her own 38 cats in a tragic “who wants some num-nums?” accident which Tracy calls justice.
Brenda Starr: Doughy Cigar Guy may have bought Pokeville for “development”, but I think what he really means is he wants to raise flocks of bulbasoars and raichus.
Edge City: “Can I hear the story about your nickel?” “Well, my grandmom was looking through her change, she noticed it was one of those Louis-and-Clark ones that looks all weird and wrong, and she gave it to me. This was, like, last week. Hey, ten pounds of potatoes doesn’t take that long to fry up, does it? Wanna hear about this Guam quarter from great-uncle Vivian?”
I for one can’t express how joyful I am for the prospect of a drawn-out Edge City narrative over some minor personality quirk. Also how they’re passing off “We have all the time it takes to fry up 10 pounds of potatoes!” as a punch line.
Gil Thorp: “If I hadn’t been hit so much earlier, I’d have held on to that ball.” “Just shut up, Jamaar. How am I supposed to get done snuggle-kissing your shoulder if you won’t stop moving around?”
Judge Parker has decided to show us people reading a book about a more interesting comic strip than Judge Parker actually is. They’ve found a brilliant new way to slow the advance of time so much it’s actually going backwards.
Love Is… surprisingly skilled in disposing of the bodies, apparently. Who knew Naked Love Woman Child had been married to Dr. H. H. Holmes and Hawley Crippen before?
Mandrake, having sought out alien vampires, has managed to discover…the Royal Newfoundland Regiment following the Somme?
The Phantom: “Savarna! Stop shooting! You’ll hit my wife!” “I know!”
Pluggers give directions in 1978, apparently. Also, if Wikipedia is to be believed, W.T.Grant didn’t tend to operate out of shopping centers, preferring city downtowns instead, which is a contributing factor to why there aren’t W.T.Grants anymore except in downtowns where they still haven’t renovated the vacant buildings since 1976.
Safe Havens would take a different track if Samantha had read L. Sprague de Camp’s Lest Darkness Fall. Just saying.
Slylock Fox: 3. Alligators are slow-moving animals when they are out of water. False. Alligators out of water may achieve speeds of over 90 miles per hour by the simple expedient of being dropped from a helicopter.
BudDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:06 pm [Reply]
Actually, I would argue that lady in pink looks more like an inflate-o-date… a midget 58-year-old inflate-o-date mind you, but that was probably the only way to get the discount and at least it has a wooden head.
Just Call Me EDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:07 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#115): You must have loved today’s Bizarro!
Just Call Me EDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:08 pm [Reply]
MT: I guess since Mark is taking a shower, she will not be Smelly Kelly Welly!
T. ChicanaDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:09 pm [Reply]
MW: Now Les’s ‘wife’ just needs to tell him shave off that hideous goatee and wipe that smirk off his face and we’ll be set.
bourbon babe, unbuckledDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:10 pm [Reply]
@Bud (#133): Are you saying that the makers of RealDolls are branching into “RealMatrons” and “RealBiddies”? (The “RealCrone,” of course, bears a striking resemblance to Aunt May.)
commodorejohnDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:13 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#132): That kid in Edge City is freakin’ me out, man. She looks like she’s about to send someone to the cornfield.
Walker of DogDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#124): If it helps, the bedbugs will probably all be naked.
Lil Bunnë Foo FooDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]
MW: This whole “jilted best friend seeks vengeance by seducing the bride’s father” storyline, I dunno, it’s been done to death, hasn’t it? Wasn’t that the basic premise behind “Gone with the Wind” and “Now, Voyager”?
Baka GaijinDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:18 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#137): “RealBiddies?” Uh, ewww. That’s just naaaasty.
@Lil Bunnë Foo Foo (#140): Don’t forget “The Star Wars Christmas Special,” too.
Uncle LumpyDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]
“I think one of us had a little too much to drink” reflects Doc Jeff’s confusion over whether this hot young booze-addled blonde’s come-on stems from her disinhibition or his hallucination. Either way, it’s the best damn day of his life.
The Spectacular Spider-BrickDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]
Mark Trail showers, all right. But he doesn’t use pansy soap or body wash or loofahs. He uses manly grooming products from Sweeve.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/how-to-make-showering-awesome-again.html
December 1st, 2010 at 3:25 pm [Reply]
DT – Anyone want to start a pool as to how many times Dick says ’scum’ in the course of the latest adventure?
FW- Yay, the Les Moore book tour arrives! New York, London, Paris, Munich, everbody talk about Dead Lisa…
Pluggers – That can’t be a real Plugger, he hasn’t said a word about turning right about a block down from where that dog got hit by a car two years ago. No Plugger directions are complete without the mention of at least one dead animal.
Écureuil ÉcumantDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:29 pm [Reply]
A3G: “I’m attempting to look both stylish and remorseful.”
Gee, Aunt Iris. Shouldn’t be hard for one of the girls to help you find a nice modish “basic black” hair shirt in NYC…
DoodDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:30 pm [Reply]
Looks like Mark’s about to land a Kelly Welly. Way to blend in, big guy. Those diamond smugglers will be totally impressed with your angling abilities.
Chip WhittleDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:39 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#138):
That kid in Edge City is freakin’ me out, man. She looks like she’s about to send someone to the cornfield.
Living in Edge City isn’t the cornfield?
Johnny KnucklesDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:46 pm [Reply]
MW: Miss Swivelhead in panel 2 is simply looking over her right shoulder, not left. (At 93 degrees I believe). She is dirty dancing and her stern date is checking for saggage.
When, oh, when will Dr. Jeff end up writhing in pain on the floor, looking up Jill’s skirt and discovering no underwear? The suspense is killing me.
commodorejohnDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:47 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#147): Point.
PoteetDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:50 pm [Reply]
@MarkTwail (#37): Welcome! And congratulations on posting your first comment on such an exciting day.
I’m glad we still don’t know whether or not Mark has nipples. Either answer would be creepy.
Peanut GalleryDecember 1st, 2010 at 3:55 pm [Reply]
@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#54): FW – I see it as more of a sexist insult than a gay joke. Either way, the television guy should definitely change the nature of his advice to Les. “Now remember, when you’re on camera, just keep telling yourself ‘don’t be nervous’! Also, talk as fast as possible and shift your eyes back and forth a lot. That looks really good on TV. Trust me.”
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 1st, 2010 at 4:05 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#132): “Alligators out of water may achieve speeds of over 90 miles per hour by the simple expedient of being dropped from a helicopter.”
abort.
@Just Call Me E (#134): yes, that’s sort of what inspired the post-jumped snark and the comments with commodorejohn. ;-)
commodorejohnDecember 1st, 2010 at 4:05 pm [Reply]
@Peanut Gallery (#151): Huh. I’d just figured that Les has vanished so far up his own ass that he’s becoming literally incapable of discussing anything that isn’t his dead wife. Perhaps some kind of Lisa-selective brain cancer is crowding out his speech centers, and he will eventually be reduced to communicating with only the verb “die” and the nouns “Lisa,” “wife,” and “cancer.”
Chip WhittleDecember 1st, 2010 at 4:13 pm [Reply]
Home and Away: See, it’s funny because Sam is using a practical application Timmy’s interested in to teach him math, when everyone knows math is a dreary set of incomprehensible rules to be obeyed with zombielike regularity and lack of comprehension!
Reality Check: Hey, they lost the squirrel today! What’s going on?
Rose is Rose reveals that Jim has never shaved or even looked in the bathroom mirror before.
Unstrange Phenomena: All right, but why does Unstrange Phenomena want to build up the ancient Carpathians in True Fable’s eyes?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 1st, 2010 at 4:13 pm [Reply]
For more information on Savarna’s guns, see here or (longer with less rock’n'roll) here.
(youtube clips, repeats)
m1ngleDecember 1st, 2010 at 4:13 pm [Reply]
MW – I love that everyone is looking on disapprovingly at Jill’s drunken antics. As if they’re disgusted someone is drunk at a wedding reception.
Rocky StoneaxeDecember 1st, 2010 at 4:15 pm [Reply]
Author Tim Dorsey mentioned John D. MacDonald as one of his influences during the talk he gave last night*. As luck would have it, I was walking with my son to the bus stop today when I spotted a box of old paperbacks someone had put down by the curb for garbage p/u Thursday. Three of the books inside were by MacDonald — including a Travis McGee!
*See y#185 for the non-Reader’s Digest version!
wossnameDecember 1st, 2010 at 4:18 pm [Reply]
@Peanut Gallery (#151): That’s how I interpreted it too – that anybody who fusses over you and tells you how to sit and what to say is a nag and therefore a wife.
ElkMeadowDecember 1st, 2010 at 4:32 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#124):
Here ya go, bedbugs!:
This GuyDecember 1st, 2010 at 4:35 pm [Reply]
9CL: I certainly hope that B-Mac’s thesaurus is large and sturdy, because otherwise it’d take me a hell of a long time to beat him to death with it.
HotC: Tatulli, this “Kids today with their technology, amirite?” stuff gets old about 5 days before it starts. Get it together, man.
H&J: Please tell me he turns the toaster into a time machine and erases this strip from history.
Pluggers: This is a rerun, but I still like to imagine that the dog peels out and breaks the rhino’s arm in payment for his “help.”
PMP: That’s already called a “skullet,” buddy.
Shoe: So now Santa hangs out in a tree with anthropomorphic birds for no reason? Why won’t they just admit that this strip doesn’t have a real premise or real characters and is essentially clip art combined with stale jokes from the wrappers of even staler gum?
MustangDecember 1st, 2010 at 4:46 pm [Reply]
@Steve the Pocket (#28): It’s not a joke. Zombie Lisa does have a tendency to hover and nag.
Baka GaijinDecember 1st, 2010 at 4:50 pm [Reply]
@This Guy (#160) on Shoe: I was going to comment on this strip that I read because of your post, but I just don’t have the words. No, wait, some just popped into my head: Urge to “Elf Control” to the moon!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 1st, 2010 at 4:53 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#162): would that be “elf abuse”?
commodorejohnDecember 1st, 2010 at 4:59 pm [Reply]
@This Guy (#160): I have to wonder, were Shoe and Pluggers good back when Jeff MacNelly was doing them? I mean, I know MacNelly was funny because he did all those terrific illustrations for Dave Barry’s columns, but I have a hard time figuring out how Shoe could have ever been good.
Baka GaijinDecember 1st, 2010 at 5:12 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#164): I vaguely remember Pluggers being funny many moons ago. It was blue collar versus today’s old/poor/fat/grandparenty Pluggers.
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#163): Hee hee. That comment may have put you on the naughty list.
littlestevieDecember 1st, 2010 at 5:15 pm [Reply]
MT: I sure hope that in tomorrow’s strip, Cherry will phone Mark right as he is ready to drop a line into Kelly’s private fishing hole. Where no fishing is allowed unless of course, its Mark doing the fishing.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 1st, 2010 at 5:18 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#165): the naughty list? sad eyez.
Mr. GobotoDecember 1st, 2010 at 5:21 pm [Reply]
@Mustang (#161): You comments makes me wonder if we’re all being too cynical about Les/Batuik. Maybe Batuik is portraying the gradual breakdown of a still grief-stricken man. Perhap he really DOES think it’s his wife Lisa. Maybe he’s gone from hallucinating her ghost creepilly peeping in on him to seeing her in lieu of the real people who treat him was affection and care.
Baka GaijinDecember 1st, 2010 at 5:24 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#167): Awwww. Now I’m all sad.
Artist formerly known as BenDecember 1st, 2010 at 5:24 pm [Reply]
@This Guy (#160): Santa does have the same grotesque claw-mitten-hands as everyone else in Shoe. I imagine that the art intern was charged with drawing a Treetops version of Santa, but the beak didn’t work. And he started asking himself if this Santa-bird would still have a beard, and how would that make any sense? Then he spent the rest of the day weeping in the corner.
CalicoDecember 1st, 2010 at 5:27 pm [Reply]
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#116):
Sisal washcloth and Dr. Bronner’s Castile soap.
December 1st, 2010 at 5:28 pm [Reply]
@The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#143):
Hey, SSB, good to see you back! Hope all is well with you. : )
December 1st, 2010 at 5:54 pm [Reply]
Phan: OK, then. Savarna has a hell of a sight on that popgun. And the prison must be right on the beach. Thought we’d have known that by now. So then, if she can see so well, is she going to see Kit with his not-so-terribly-emaciated wife and decide to solve everything by blowing them all into horsemeat hamburger?
MustangDecember 1st, 2010 at 5:56 pm [Reply]
@Mr. Goboto (#168): Live Lisa was portrayed as a loving, easy-going companion. For some reason Les has often imagined her in death as a nit picky nag. Bottom line re: FW and death — I’ve lost loved ones, and the way this strip deals with death, dying and grief just doesn’t ring true to me. As a matter of fact, it’s downright bizarre. Bizarre enough to insiuate some sort of mental breakdown? Maybe. I don’t think so, though.
littlestevieDecember 1st, 2010 at 6:00 pm [Reply]
@Mr. Goboto (#168): Maybe they do do a remake of “A Perfect Mind” and call it “A Perfect Les” with Russell Crowe in the title roll.
mr 12 oz canDecember 1st, 2010 at 6:06 pm [Reply]
mark trail- this is the only time when mark can use his radio on a rope that works in a shower .since he probably bathes in the creek back at lost forest.
mary worth-were any of detective scotts police buddys at this dinner . a good freind would have directed jill over to the bachlor party for a gang bang or at least some whip em out wednesday
December 1st, 2010 at 6:19 pm [Reply]
Lockhorns: Dr. Blog should have his medical joke license revoked. He obviously should have said “Once we get your weight, you give me a fortune.” For punishment in his next strip, Dr. Blog should have to stare in dejected silence with his eyes half closed like most of the other background characters.
Pluggers: today’s Pluggers reminds me of Laurie Anderson. I’ve never had occasion to say that before. (There’s a similar routine in her song “Big Science.”)
Shoe: Are the birds gigantic or is Santa small? My mind is blown. The pun sucks, though.
Mr. GobotoDecember 1st, 2010 at 6:19 pm [Reply]
@Mustang (#174): I think you hit the nail on the head. FW just does NOT ring true and as a result its attempts to portray the grim realities of love, life and loss come across as self-indulgent and pretentious. Oddly enough, Crankshaft doesn’t suffer from this problem, possibly because it’s such a self-evident self-parody—I hope.
@littlestevie (#175): Speaking of Funkyverse casting choices, you know who would make a great Ed Crankshaft? Mel Gibson.
odinthorDecember 1st, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]
#37 MarkTwail, #39 Digger, #57 UL, #97 Dan, and any others interested—for purely scientific reasons, of course—in Mark Trail in a state of undress. — Unless I’m hallucinating, which is never out of the question, there was, a considerable time ago (several years), a panel of Mark Trail emerging from the surf, at least shirtless (I forget how much Trailian flesh we saw; as I recall, the panel was an unusual close-up; does anyone else recall or have a link to this pic? I’m sure Kelly Welly has it as wallpaper). Then of course there’s always
http://tinyurl.com/32ncftv
nescioDecember 1st, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]
It looks like Marvin’s Mom isn’t wearing one of the special bras she alluded to yesterday.
VioletDecember 1st, 2010 at 6:31 pm [Reply]
Dr. Jeff, no one’s fooled by your would-be tactful, “one of us has had a little too much to drink,” okay? “I’m just saying, you know, one of us is a mentally unstable amazonian inebriate in a purple sheath and magic disappearing pearls who is in danger of grievously wounding the game knees of the dapper, rust-jacketed father of the bride who is honored to be the escort of the comeliest centenarian in the room, whose name rhymes with Scary Birth. And that’s all I’m going to say.”
nescioDecember 1st, 2010 at 6:32 pm [Reply]
MW: Besides Mary and Adrian, all the other women at the party are blondes. That settles it, they don’t have more fun.
SigivaldDecember 1st, 2010 at 6:46 pm [Reply]
Is there any conceivable rendering of Mark Trail Chest Hair that would be preferable?
No, sir. There is not.
Walker of DogDecember 1st, 2010 at 6:53 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#153): As soon as Les gets the projector set up, we are all invited up his ass for a slideshow commemorating Lisa’s suffering and death, projected onto the interior of his rectum. (musical accompaniment: I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan)
Shermy GlamrockerDecember 1st, 2010 at 6:54 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#128): Damn it Bourbon Babe: I was just about to launch a similar beaver joke! OK, I’ll run with it anyway.
How do you know there’s not a beaver in the shower? Oh, wait. Kelly’s still at the door.
Pseudo3DDecember 1st, 2010 at 7:02 pm [Reply]
@Mr. Goboto (#168): I think it’s Batiuk that’s the one breaking down. Perhaps someday, Batiuk, in his final stages of madness, creates an unrealistically happy ending for the Funkyverse, to find a happiness that he could never achieve. Wally gets in a car accident, goes into a coma, but finds upon waking up he can’t remember everything that happened in the past several years. Becky’s arm mysteriously grows back. Funky’s wife loses weight. Les finds a new wife. Montoni’s blows up, ending an association with Westview’s misery. Everyone lives happily ever after.
After submitting the final strip to his editor, Batiuk, unshaven, dirty, and woefully sleep-deprived, grabs his gun out of his drawer, and stumbles to the bathroom.
A shot is heard, fade to black.
NomstrosityDecember 1st, 2010 at 7:08 pm [Reply]
Hello Kelly Welly. Look at yourself, now back to me, now back to yourself, NOW BACK TO ME. Sadly, you are not me: Mark Trail. If you weren’t such a, you know, lady, you could go on fishing trips like me! Look down. Back up. Where are you? You’re in Lost Forest! That is the place where I live. What’s in your hand? Back at me. I have it! It’s an oyster, with an assignment for that thing you take photographs for! Did you know that oysters are a type of mollusk, and there are more than fifty species of them, some of which are edible? Anything is possible when you’re Mark Trail. I’m not wearing any pants.
Pseudo3DDecember 1st, 2010 at 7:13 pm [Reply]
Says in Wikipedia that Rusty’s biological father was abusive. That would explain why he’s so hideous…the scars made him look like a troll.
Clearly, Mark is a bad adoptive father for not getting him facial reconstructive surgery.
True FableDecember 1st, 2010 at 7:28 pm [Reply]
@odinthor (#179): “Unless I am hallucinating, which is never out of the question”
Quote/comment of the year.
Johnny KnucklesDecember 1st, 2010 at 7:35 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#164): MacNelly was a rare phenom. Great writer, excellent cartoonist. Shoe was funny and insighful because of his editorial cartoon experience. Didn’t know he did Pluggers. Now I’ll have to Google those for the next couple hours. Thanks a lot.
Mr. GobotoDecember 1st, 2010 at 7:39 pm [Reply]
@Nomstrosity (#187): So does Mark prefer oysters or snails?
AustriaDecember 1st, 2010 at 7:48 pm [Reply]
@JD (#113): No, no, they’ve been doing this for YEARS. Yet another one of the many reasons H&L is the comic strip I hate the most.
Snark tiem
Arch: REGGIE STILL MAKES THE SCENE.
BC: See reader facepalm.
BB: Okay, is Buxley just looking off to the side constantly, or are her eyes slowly evolving into little slits? Is she going to walk around squinty-eyed for the next few years, until her eyelids finally fuse together?
FW: Mr. Les Moore, I know the fine art of calling men “wives.” This art is reserved for Sweden and Sweden alone. Mr. Les Moore, you, sir, are no Sweden.
GF: I buy that, I buy that. But what if Barney went up against the Backyardigans? They’re pretty BA. Ooh! Ooh! Or Steve?! You can’t beat Steve.
MT: Oh, Kelly Welly. You are well on your way to becoming my favorite character in the Tralian universe. Keep on creepin’ on.
MW: Honestly, I’m more concerned about the fact that the man in the background seems to be dancing with a woman thirty years his senior.
RMMD: Oh heavens, that is one frightening final panel. Mayor Dalton looks like he’s about to bring the wrath of God down upon the poor citizens of wherever the hfil it is Rex Morgan lives. “I think there’s always room for a good volunteer at the museum, don’t you?” he says, looming ever closer to his smiling physician. “As an EXHIBIT!!”
SF: The heck is that? A brick on a string?
Zits: The joke is, as always, meh…but this deserves a mention for Jeremy not being portrayed as a jerkass. Heck, look at ‘em all laughing and happy together.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle PatrolDecember 1st, 2010 at 7:53 pm [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#188): What if that IS the reconstructive surgery?
dreadedcandiru2December 1st, 2010 at 7:58 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#65): You just watch; she’ll either blame her misspelling on her staff or those meddling kids and their dog OR she’ll simper about how, since we only have fifteen seconds to read the entry, she can’t be bothered to spend any time proofreading it.
odinthorDecember 1st, 2010 at 8:00 pm [Reply]
@True Fable (#189): It’s my personal “I Have a Dream” speech…
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