Hey, all before we start today’s comics, I thought I’d do something I don’t usually do: draw your attention to a non-comics blog. Longtime faithful reader and commentor ChattyGenes is an American who’s lived in Japan for many years, and she’s been chronicling the experience there in the wake of the recent earthquake and tsunami on her blog. Very interesting and moving reading on a place that is in all of our thoughts right now!
And now, on to lighter fare:
Gil Thorp, 3/23/11
So the Gil Thorp gay cyber-bullying story is wrapping up (short version: the cyber-bully was Parker, Kayla’s ex-boyfriend, who was mad because Lini told Kayla to break up with him, but then the pious Christian basketball player who actually really likes Lini threatened Parker with physical violence during basketball practice if he didn’t stop) without ever having explicitly said that Lini is gay! Which means that we can have fun imagining what he was really being bullied for. Might I suggest that it was due to his actually quite atrocious taste in clothing? Take today, for instance, where he appears to have come to school dressed in an actual tuxedo! And not the cool kind of tuxedo that modern movie stars might wear to the Oscars, but rather one that might have been worn to a high-school prom, circa 1992, complete with boutonniere. Could the never-revealed hate Website have consisted of pictures of Lini’s latest crimes against sartorial aesthetics, coupled with cruel, Mr. Blackwell-esque commentary? “Hey, everybody, looks like Lini got an after-school job at the blackjack table!”
Still, Lini deserves our sympathy, as he’s managing to stay chipper despite the fact that, as you can see in panel one, his right arm has been lopped off above the elbow. I’m a little curious about whose fingers those are creeping into the frame at the lower left. Maybe they’re Lini’s! “Oh, Lini, we found your arm! If you pack it in ice, it’ll probably keep for a bit, so the school nurse could reattach it during your study hall this afternoon.”
Beetle Bailey, 3/23/11
I know that trying to figure out what’s going on in any given half-assed Beetle Bailey gag is waste of everybody’s time, but God damn it, I just want it to make sense, you know? General Halftrack’s caveman outfit dramatizes budget cutbacks … how, exactly? Is he saying that cost-cutting reduces the Army to primitive weaponry? Is this stone-age toga meant to be the equivalent of the barrel of poverty, and the club just came with the costume? Who even knows? At least I can enjoy the General’s sheepish, plaintive expression — it’s as if he’s realized how stupid and pointless this stunt is, but it’s too late to back out of it now. I dearly hope the strip artist wore the same expression as he put the finishing touches on this.
Luann, 3/23/11
Aw, isn’t that cute! Mrs. Horner thinks Luann has a soul!
This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 at 08:49 am and is filed under Beetle Bailey, Gil Thorp, Luann. | 266 responses to “” Effluvius ErratusMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
First! Pluggers are supposed to be what exactly? Drugs dealers? Indigent? Spies? Obscene phone callers? Makers of terroristic threats? Those are the only people I can think of who use payphones.
S. StoutMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:58 am [Reply]
If Mary Worth has her say, I’ll wake up on Saturday and see thousands of kites flying through the air tangling with each other.
Captain Plaid PantsMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]
MT: Mark Trail? More like Mark TAIL. Amiright? No, but seriously, today’s comic shows the dangers of swearing off all forms of media except porn created in the 1970s: phrases like “make yourself comfortable” somehow sound natural to you, almost as if an actual human being would use those words. What’s next? Is a pizza delivery guy sporting a mustache and nut-hugger shorts going to show up? I do know this though: if there is anything sure in this life at all, it is that Jack Elrod gets his standard for pubic hair from 1970s porn. I don’t know if I’ll draw my next breath, but I know with a deep, abiding certainty that this woman has bush like Castro’s beard.
Crankshaft: I think we’ve stumbled into Family Circus: The Latter Years. Same shtick as before, but now it’s just more sad and depressing than cute.
FW: Infertility! Now THERE’S a topic Batiuk hasn’t exploited yet. Everytime I think the well has run dry, he finds one more soul-wrenching situation to milk for all it’s worth.
S-M: Wait. Is that vampire flying? Is that a thing? They can do that?
FafMorMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]
Phantom: What this comic really needs right now is a thunderstorm and some rats.
9CL: What this comic really needs right now is for Uncle Roger to drop by and have a heart-to-heart with Seth. “So, if this is what homosexuality is like, maybe you were right and I am gay”.
March 23rd, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]
@wossname (#y314):
A3G/Phantom — Under all that hair is comedienne Phyllis Diller, who’s known for saying: “Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.” (Are you paying attention, Mr. Python?)
smackyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:12 am [Reply]
MT: “By the way, do you like the key rack my kid made? I only use it for one key… yep, my plane… I call it my plane key rack… Anyway, be back in a minute!”
NekrotzarMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:13 am [Reply]
I think BB is saying that their artistic budget is so tapped out that they have no choice but to accept hand-me-downs from 60s-era cartoons that were in turn ripoffs of 50s era sitcoms.
Scott BotMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:13 am [Reply]
Pluggers – He’s just pretending to use the phone. Actually, he’s stuffed cotton in the change return, and is gathering up all the change that didn’t fall down when other people used it.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]
Snuffy Smith — Nice shout out to humorist Will Rogers (1879-1935)!
Beetle Bailey — Now that the Great Recession has reached Camp Swampy, Gen. Halftrack is forced to labor as an extra in B.C., Tarzan and Alley Oop!
ZaratustraMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:18 am [Reply]
Luann: “You mean this comfortably living, happy old woman was -pretty-? How depressing!”
MacMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]
Wow, third place! It’s the Mudlarks’ best season in years. Coach Gil, or whichever local layabout he has doing the job for him this year, should be the coach of the year.
NekrotzarMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#1):
Today’s PBS adds one more to the list.
March 23rd, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]
Gil Thorp: That’s right, Lini. As Kayla says, “There’s no turning back. Even while sleeping, we will find you. Acting on your best behavior; turn your back on mother nature. Everybody wants to rule the world.”
Cooler KingMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
FW: Good to see the Westview Local School System is founded on the ideal that providing God-awful life skills and lessons at an early age is the key to developing continuing generations of miserable, luckless sonsabitches who will flourish and succeed* in Westview’s unthinkably depressing future. Remember to vote ‘YES’ on the renewal levy in November, and go Scapegoats!
*Smirk, find and lose love in unthinkable fashion, smirk some more, die alone from terminal illness
Fun aside: the strip in general, in it’s pure essence, could be boiled down to that kid’s t-shirt.
Gloom RaiderMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
@FafMor (#4): I thought yesterday that Seth should send Uncle Roger some flowers, maybe with a poem: Roses are red / Violets are blue / Turns out I’m a little bit bisexual /So maybe you are, too.
On an unrelated (as far as I know!) topic, if tomorrow’s Mark Trail involves a smoking jacket, it will officially become my favorite comic.
DoodMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]
What quotes are the uniformed “reporters” expecting to get from Gen. Halftrack during this press conference? “Ugh, oooga-oooga, uggity igg”?
Écureuil ÉcumantMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:27 am [Reply]
GT: Kayla doesn’t just think that website’ll stay down. She nose it will.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:27 am [Reply]
CdS: Baka Gaijin feels your pain, kid.
Lio: borrowed a grenadegag from the PBS gophers.
NAoQV: yeah, saw that coming. Y’don’t see coke-jokes on the funny pages very often.
OtH: Die Hard did that joke, decades ago.
R&R: heh. better than the average “dog chases squirrel” strip, although that bar is set pretty low.
AD: DADT, DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!!!!!
JP: “better racks” isn’t the answer Abby’s going to give, is it?
MG&G: ahh, the classics. Need a meta-pages joke? there’s always FC!
PMP: “poverty avoider”
PBS: heeeee! well done.
RwO: clever pun. perhaps a bit overly done, but still amusing.
rMC: love the art in the background.
Zits: more rear-ending to follow. . . .
Mumblix GrumphMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]
Don’t worry LuAnn, You’ll be just as lovely at 90 as you are now…God help you.
Écureuil ÉcumantMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]
@wossname (#y314) said re MW:
Oh no oh no oh no, Dawn is going to start an anti-internet cult. The idea of “Offline Saturdays” will soon go viral and crowds of youth, liberated from their horrible addictive computers, will be frolicking and kiteflying every Saturday.
And then updating their “Offline Saturday” Facebook page photos as soon as the clock ticks past midnight on Sunday morning.
JanetteMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]
I feel like FW was special today…what sort of school, in a family planning activity, includes the possibility, ‘You won’t be able to have kids?’ A sick one…
Useless Fish of GodMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]
I think General Halftrack is really just saying that he’s now forced to moonlight as a GEICO spokesperson due to budget problems. And that he is now going to use his caveman club in Golf for anyone who doesn’t think he made par.
pugfugglyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:37 am [Reply]
@Captain Plaid Pants (#3): Actually, vampires glide, or float, or…well, look back two days ago for a detailed description of vampire anatomy, locomotion and aerodynamics…
I’m curious as to what the soldier in Beetle Bailey might be jotting down on his notepad in the second panel.
-Budget go down = caveman + club..?
meaning:
-hunt and gather supplies?
-new uniforms?
-savage beatings for all?
?????
-rent ‘quest for fire’ tonight…
Or maybe he’s just making a quick sketch of the general’s exposed junk…
Scott BotMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]
FW – How exactly does Cody know that Owen wears tighty-whiteys?
Never mind, I really don’t think I want to know…
spikeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]
@FafMor (#4): Re: 9CL Well played, Sir! Now, all we have to do is wait for Fernanda to become pregnant. As much as I dislike Seth for leading Fernanda on, I do like the way he put Edda into her place today.
@Gloom Raider (#15): Zing!!!
Tom AllenMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:42 am [Reply]
Looking at that caveman costume, I realized Beetle Bailey would be a slightly funnier comic strip if his name were “General Ass-crack.” Of course, I said the same thing about Marvin, and look where that got us.
Écureuil ÉcumantMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#24) on Wankerbrain: I really don’t think Cody’s tighty-whiteys have anything to do with his low sperm count. It’s more likely attributable to Batty’s narrow urethra.
OneManMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]
Kind of curious why the caveman general is giving a press conference to only guys in Army green. Is Stars and Stripes that overstaffed they send that many guys to one press conference?
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:47 am [Reply]
9 – I’m not one to criticize, Edda, but you’re starting to look like Rose Bleeding Gumbo here. Might be time to end it all.
Beetle – “…and then we bomb the whole thing back to the Stone Age. Any questions?”
Bizarro – Well, day-umn! [*]
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]
Close – I suggest modifying the picture so that it’s McPherson’s art teacher up there.
Dick – So it’s not a complete demotion, Lizz still gets to drink the coffee she makes. Out of a cup that celebrates the Major Crimes Squad, or perhaps the MC5.
Family – Jeffy really lets himself go when he thinks he’s off camera.
TheDivaMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]
GT: Lini, “it gets better” only if you don’t go about your daily life dressed like a maitre’d.
Luann: Luann thinks everyone peaked in high school, as she has. (Though in her case it’s not so much a peak as a mild crest…)
C’shaft: This is a sign of a severe mental condition, right? I mean, my six-year-old niece is more articulate than this.
FW: Please tell me the next strip is Goatee Guy sneaking into Proto-Les’ house and smashing his egg babies.
MW: Heeeeey, that’s not Cathy! That’s just Dawn in a blonde wig! Dear God, she’s lonelier than I realized!
Pluggers don’t realize they’re trying to use the college campus emergency phones.
JessyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]
Luann: I am ignoring the fact that no human being would ever say “back in my glory days” because I would like to focus on the implication that one’s high school/college days are “glory days” and the rest of life is just a downhill slide. Now THAT’S depressing!
On the plus side, Mrs. Horner’s cat is cute!
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]
Smirky – Here’s a wry chuckle for all you infertile couples out there! Ha ha.
Oh, by the way, eight years ago today, in China’s Anhui Province, we stood in a conference room at the Hefei Holiday Inn and somebody handed us a thirteen-month-old girl named Xi Huan, who we named Sarah. Happy Family Day to us.
Hägar – I sort of wish they’d follow this for a couple of days. At least long enough for the wood to burn a while.
R=R – Lookit all those Li’l Zippies frolicking in the hallucinatory glow of toxic-waste Lucky Charms. Quick, Henry, the Flit!!
PozzoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]
“Welcome to life…and welcome to Jefferson High.” Which are in no sense to be mistaken for each other.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#24):
Tighty-Whitey Winkerbean — Maybe they’re in the same PE class?
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]
Correction: eight years ago tomorrow. heh.
AustriaMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:54 am [Reply]
Arch: I like Archie’s joyful glee at Reggie’s expense. I could make some kind of joke as to why Reggie has a chibi Jughead on his desk, but I won’t.
FW: No, his imagination just isn’t as fertile.
Luann: MRRFRR
PBS: I chuckled.
Zits: And now we’re all going to learn a Valuable Lesson about not texting while driving, aren’t we? Y’know, I can’t help but think that if you’re the type of person that’s reading newspaper comics, you’re not the type of person to be texting while driving.
Écureuil ÉcumantMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:54 am [Reply]
@30 [Old Man] Muffaroo said:
Dick – So it’s not a complete demotion, Lizz still gets to drink the coffee she makes. Out of a cup that celebrates the Major Crimes Squad, or perhaps the MC5.
Yeah, even with the new team, even though it’d be totally in character for Tracy, that coffee cup is the closest we’ll ever get to “Up against the wall, mofo!” in this strip.
Chyron HRMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
Choose Your Own Luann Comment:
1) “Day-yum, gran’mama, why you gots to be so OLD?”
2) The face that launched a thousand ships is sinking fast–that happens, you know.
3) “Let me tell you about how I singlehandedly stopped the blitz by finger-fucking each and every member of the Luftwaffe.”
spikeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
A3G: I’m sure that Iris is of the opinion that all men are “crazy homeless liars”. Things will get really interesting when Iris invites Ol’ Dan home after the curtain.
@Austria (#37): Re: Zits Hector’s said it already. They’re both at fault for texting
CalicoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
I haven’t read her blog yet, but I was thinking about Chatty and her family this morning! I was about to ask TF if he had news-thanks for the update, and my prayers and well wishes to the people of and in Japan!
Esther BlodgettMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
Luann: It’s funny because she’s tongue-tied and self-conscious around her peers but has no problem openly disrespecting a senior citizen. What? That isn’t funny? Why no, it isn’t.
Crank: I’m going to have to resist the urge to refer to orange seeds as “bones” from now on. Apparently I have the same sense of humor as Crankshaft. Will to live…fading…
PBS: Sad mild-mannered reporter is sad.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#33), @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#36):
Regardless… Happy Family Day, Muffaroos!
CalicoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]
I think Lini’s “tux” is actually one of those tux T-shirts that were quasi-popular in the 80’s.
Little GuyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]
HumpDay Buxley: Camp Swampy has been bombed back to the Stone Age.
Not Just Any DipstickMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]
MT: I think Mary Worth is influencing Mark. Now the mirror? has morphed into a framed ????? At least that only slightly obvious key stayed in one place.
Esther BlodgettMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#33): Look at that beautiful little girl! Warmest wishes to you and your family. Since she’s nine now, you’ve almost entered the Eye-Rolling and Head-Shaking Years. Enjoy them, as I do. :)
Chyron HRMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#33): Oh, by the way, eight years ago today, in China’s Anhui Province, we stood in a conference room at the Hefei Holiday Inn and somebody handed us a thirteen-month-old girl named Xi Huan
“And to this day we still don’t know who got the sack of opium we were supposed to pick up.”
(But seriously, congratulations.)
Just Call Me EMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]
@Nekrotzar (#12): Yes – I too noticed the curious cross-reference WRT pay phones: Pluggers Before Swine
But What Do I Know?March 23rd, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]
A3G — Sure, that’ll make two of us. . .
MT — Looks like Otto subscribes to the same theory as James Spader’s character in Sex, Lies, and Videotape–he only wants one key in his life. . .
MW — Right! It’s agreed. No computers on Saturday–we’ll talk on the telephone all day instead.
Cranky — Ha, ha. It’s funny because Cranky’s losing his mind. . .
DT — Good idea! If we sit around here we’ll probably get stuck trying to solve a crime that’s already been committed!
SM — You mean, the camera doesn’t automatically direct itself towards the subject and take pictures by its lonesome? Worthless piece of junk!
CalicoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]
@Dood (#13):
Haha, Tears for Fears! I think I have a cassette of their tunes somewhere.
March 23rd, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#33): Aw, gee, congratulations. Thanks for sharing. Note my lack of smirk and the presence of a sincere grin.
Apartment 3-G: “Why would you want to spend an evening with a crazy, homeless liar?” “Hey, Margo gives me one night off a month and I’m making the most of it!”
Isn’t it just like Aunt Iris to end up on a date with a yeti?
Beetle Bailey: My question, one of many about this, is why all the “press” here is in uniform. Can’t he just order them to print his support for the invasion of Alley Oop?
Dustin: Dustin’s Dad takes a moment from hating his son to instead hate all his own personal friends! Wait till he sees his friend request from Dawn.
Funky Winkerbean: Ah, what other strip could make such lighthearted fun of…I dunno, proclaiming teen boys impotent? I guess? As long as Junior Les Moore there gets beaten I’m fine.
Gasoline Alley: How does the entire population of Gasoline Alley not spend all their time slapping one another silly?
Judge Parker: Hey, this is a change of pace. Sophie’s feeling needy and demanding of attention. She hasn’t played this card since she joined the cheerleaders last week back in 2009.
The Middletons: Old Man’s attempt to get a little unspeakable filth from the dog is abruptly interrupted by the appearance of Old Woman. But does the dog understand society’s need for such a beard?
Pluggers have given up trying to hide their meth rings. And yes, I’m aware “Pluggers have given up” is a correct caption for every panel.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]
yeah, I have that problem as well.
shiba-squee.
geekery win and more geekery win.
trap.
piggyback win.
bunker-busting fox.
For True Fable.
The Daily Puppy is a weimaraner.
epic corgsqui. (bellybellybelly!)
the is an overload of corgsqui on OCD today, go there and enjoy.
JessyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]
Yeah! Love the pic of Mom and Dad meeting Sarah! Happy Family Day!
Terry in MarylandMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]
Phantom: Honestly, what’s with the drifting fog or vapor? Isn’t that prison in a vaguely savannah like area? Did a massive swamp suddenly migrate next door? Is Stripey lurking around the corner wearing WAY too much of the cheap cologne the kids gave him for his birthday?
CalicoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#33):
Happy Family Day to Famille Muffaroo! : D Adopting and raising a child must be such an amazing experience.
March 23rd, 2011 at 10:16 am [Reply]
Budget reduction? In the military? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That may actually be the funniest thing Walker’s ever written.
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:18 am [Reply]
@Chyron HR (#48): Thanks, everybody! …And Chyron…? Snrk.
Esther BlodgettMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]
Pluggers: Why would a Plugger resist owning a cell phone?
They’re “new-fangled”? It’s been 10 years at least since cell phones have been regarded as anything but mainstream and de rigueur.
They’re compli-ma-cated? I know plenty of people who get flustered by all the bells and whistles on cell phones, but the mechanics of making a call are still dial-talk-hang up.
They’re a waste of money? A basic cell plan costs about the same as a landline, and since you don’t need both, they don’t cost a penny more than Ma Bell.
They’re a discrete manifestation of society’s obsession with technological advancement that fosters materialistic competitiveness and interpersonal alienation over traditional shared values that are formed and disseminated independent of resource consumption? Well played, sir. Carry on.
Esther BlodgettMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:21 am [Reply]
@Calico (#56): You can adopt mine if you really want to find out. ;)
CanuckDownSouthMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:23 am [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#1):
Your observation’s funny, however:
… my folks aren’t Pluggers (my dad’s 63 and bikes to work and they *love* to Skype with their grandkids!), but they don’t see the point in being found by phone 24/7. So they occasionally use pay phones when travelling.
… I use one when I arrive at a Canadian airport and need to let family know my flight’s in – my international roaming charges are huge, so I treat the cell as available for 911 once I cross the border.
… and I saw a tween/teen girl using one at the mall last weekend. Some families don’t shell out for everyone to get a mobile.
CanuckDownSouthMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]
Luann is depressed that there’s life after beauty. You think she‘d find that encouraging.
Tom AllenMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]
@Calico (#44): I didn’t have one of those, but I did recently give away my Depeche Mode shirt. I kinda pity the kid who’s wearing it now.
Scott BotMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]
I want to know what kind of run-down neighborhood this Plugger lives in. I think the old Bell System logo went out in the mid seventies. I realize it might have taken them a while to refurbish/update their pay phones, but I seriously doubt there’s be a phone with that logo anywhere but a museum.
SequiturMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:32 am [Reply]
Hey, POTEET!
This morning I saw something we don’t usually see here in beautiful North Central Texas. A pickup truck with an Iowa license plate. The guy driving it looked like Don Ameche with a gimme cap.
I asked him what he was doing here and he said he was a Plugger who was looking for Reed Hoover. He wanted to beat the crap out of him.
word-doctorMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]
@Zaratustra (#10):
Wattles are a toxic straight flush.
MT: Has Mark taught La Senora to punch her way through roofies?
DtM: More worrisome than actual illiteracy among the young is the 40 year gap in cultural literacy among those who produce and (perhaps) read newspaper comics. Think on this: Ralph Macchio gets up multiple times to take a piss every night, and Dennis and his dad are just considering this newfangled “Kurottee”?
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]
@Calico (#56),
@Esther Blodgett (#60): Mrs. Stoneaxe and I were almost old enough to join AARP when our first (and only) child was born, so we figure we’ll have our first grandchild around age 75!
March 23rd, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]
In the second half of his presentation General Halftrack reenacts a scene from Basic Instinct. The next day voluntary transfers to active combat zones skyrockets.
SwordsmithMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]
A3G: I’d enjoy this plot line more if I actually believed he was a homeless liar.
DtM: Menacing. However, he’d lose that bet, martial arts classes tend to be very strict, and sparring is not fighting in any way.
FBvFW: Nobody told me this before I had kids, but it turns out it’s just a long series of letting goes. I’m not sure that’s the message here, it’s more likely Elly is just whining about loss without understanding that that is the nature of raising children…
Frazz: Excellent point, but execution fail; you did explain.
MT: I like how the artist has framed each shot so as to show only an empty hook, and a hook with a single key. All Lonnie has to do in order to figure out which key to take is look at the artwork. Otto, on the other hand, is one strange guy, he keeps the key to his airplane hanging on a hook, which would make sense if it was a shared resource, but he’s the only pilot, why doesn’t he keep it on a keyring with all his other keys?
PBS: Oooh, the single tear. Someone’s been spending time on TVTropes!
Luann: Haha it’s funny because age has made you repulsive on the outside, while I’m only ugly inside.
DT: Handwatch day 10. But Curtis and Staton are out of sync in panel three here, Curtis wrote an evocative tribute to flight 93, and Staton drew Sam and Dick dancing the Hokey Pokey. Beautiful, but completely inappropriate.
March 23rd, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]
Curtis – Didn’t Michelle have breasts a couple of years ago? There was even a storyline about them.
CalicoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#60):
Hahaha! We do have a nice spare room chez nous…
I never thought I’d be living in Canada with an extended family full of kidz-my “adopted” grandchildren! They are mucho fun to spoil – I actually want to go to Canadian Tire soon to buy a couple of soccer balls-we have Basketball, bikes, badminton, Bocci, and street hockey stuff, but no soccer goodies.
March 23rd, 2011 at 10:52 am [Reply]
Luann – So the Queen of Aberdeen must not only look good in a kilt, but be able to heave a telephone pole at least feet….
BB – Again, Camp Swamp is doing its best to dodge Libyan deployment…
GT – That’s about right – 3rd-rate MILF….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
SequiturMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]
@Calico (#71): Wait. You go to a tire store to buy game balls?
Must have something to do with the health care system. Or does “tire” mean something different in Canada?
Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts:March 23rd, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#52): A Yeti? I thought he is that singer-guy, what’s his name, Yani?
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]
@AtomicDog (#70):
The silicon transplants didn’t take, so she had them removed!
Little GuyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#y308): Someone should point that out to the Jackelrodball that breasts cleave.
pugfugglyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]
@Sequitur (#73): Canadian Tire is more of a home/yard/auto walmart than an actual tire store. It’s up there with Tim Horton’s as a national institution, complete with its own currency
teenchyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:01 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#29): Ah, beat me to the punch with the bombing back to the Stone Age reference.
@Chyron HR (#39): 3) “Let me tell you about how I singlehandedly stopped the blitz by finger-fucking each and every member of the Luftwaffe.”
No, that’s Edie Ernst’s line.
Pseudo3DMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]
9CL – Whoa! No legs, feet, or thighs today for me, please!
DT – Slow down! The plot is moving at breakneck speed compared to the Lochner/Brozman era!
FC – Ever since Jeff Keane joined, it’s all about The Mis-Adventures of Little Jeffy, the most unfunny strip in the paper.
MT – So does Otto have sex with MomJeans there regularly, or what?
jayjaybearMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#59): And even if they ARE complicated, that’s why they sell Jitterbugs. Or, as I used to tease my mother, “old people cellphones”.
SequiturMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#77): Ah, got it. I like their quote under “1927″ in their history…
”We chose Canadian Tire,” co-founder A.J. Billes later recalled, “because it sounded big.”
Is it a Pluggerama?
MibbitmakerMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:10 am [Reply]
Only read the 3/23 comments on this thread, so oversnarpologies if needed.
HotC: Her mom is smug because Heart won’t accept ignorance. Those spoiled rotten kids!
Crank: He’s losing it really bad! Craig Ferguson won’t even do jokes about him anymore!
BBailey: “We’re cutting our current budget down to Flintstones levels, men…”
~or~
BBailey: “We attack Bedrock at dawn…”
twgMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]
MT: Are we *totally sure* that Mom Jeans isn’t Mark Trail in drag? I’m thinking it’ll end like Willem Dafoe in Boondock Saints. At least, I’m hoping it will.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]
Lockhorns: So the gun shop from Pulp Fiction was turned into a pet store, but the dungeon must still be there. How else do you explain the barrel filled with the leg bones of gimps who have outlived their usefulness?
Mark Trail: Checkov’s key?
Lio: Now see? Sick and twisted really works.
ZaneTarloMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]
Luann: I’m not even sure what to say here besides SHE’S INSULTING A LITTLE OLD LADY!!! What the hell, Greg, are you even trying to make this bitch likable? Granted she’s never been likable really, but I’m just shocked that some people who read the strip actually root for her.
9CL: Well, nice to see Edda’s priorities are in the right place during this debacle. Not gonna ask what it means about him sexually or how his boyfriend’s going to react? No, of course not. No one in this dreadful strip reacts to anything like anyone would.
MibbitmakerMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]
DT, panel 3: Mike Curtis has designed brand new Dick Tracy clip art for the 21st century. “Yeah, now!”, fume Locher & Brozman. “Jack Elrod has all the luck!”
Meanwhile, “Let’s roll” comes off as less flight 93 tribute, and more “Police State” SNL sketch from 1976.
T. ChicanaMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]
Crankshaft, you are crazier than a shit-house rat. This is NOT cute. Your problems are way bigger than being a major dickhead if you think those are BONES in your orange juice. Bones?!
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#33): Happy Family Day. Have you ever read Anne Tyler’s Digging to America about two American families, one of Iranian background, who meet at the airport when each is receiving their adopted Korean baby? Lovely story, and one you may relate to.
survivorMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]
I thought today’s Gil Thorp was an artsy, black and white commercial.
“That does not mean that it will stay down”
(looking away and toward the camera) “Oh, I think it will”
(with face directly sideways) “That was mysterious”
(eyes pointed upward) “Welcome to life”
Gil Thorpe: Cologne for Men
Gal FridayMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:24 am [Reply]
Wow, LuAnn, you really, really suck.
MibbitmakerMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]
GT: “Welcome to life”? The man’s gay, not a baby!
JP: “Of course nobody sees me, Ma! Last time I was in this strip I was 15 — I’m 26 now, Ma!!!”
MT: I can’t help it! Every time I see that guy, I “hear” circus music!
Marvin: “…It’s all Marvin, Marvin, Marvin now! Stoopid snout!!!”
SequiturMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]
@T. Chicana (#87): Well, maybe it’s this way. If you have a boner you can produce sperm. Sperm is sometimes called seed and…
Oh nuts. I just reached too far and fell off my stool.
But What Do I Know?March 23rd, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#84): I’m not sure about Checkov’s key, but there was a gun rack in the same spot yesterday. . .
Chip WhittleMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]
The Born Loser is totally aware this isn’t the season for Christmas Card jokes, but darned it, you have a gag like this you don’t sit on it for nine months!
The Buckets: Oh, you foolish young people, not living every day as if you were five years past your death from old age! When will you ever learn to stop doing things you enjoy?
Freshly Squeezed: Grampa is still going crazy from not being able to find the beloved jacket his daughter secretly threw out, but at least he still has the highly visible seam where the access panel to his android head is. And boy, that hat, what with it…being perfectly ordinary. You can see how blazingly ugly it is!
Kit ‘N’ Carlyle gets some idea of what probably does go through cat minds. Yesterday, Wee Pals made a verifiable joke with satiric bite. Mark Trail has had a beard all week. Edda was briefly speechless. We must be living in the end times.
Moderately Confused: I kind of see panel looking hopefully upward, saying, “I made a technology joke!” and hoping to be patted on the head, never understanding why it’s not coming, kind of the way a labrador retriever never understands why the wedge of turkey you playfully to him never got through the glass table.
Off The Mark: Well, that’s giving me tonight’s nightmares. Thanks, Off The Mark. The only way this could be more disturbing is if I saw one of those bumps as…OH GAH I SAW IT.
Effluvius ErratusMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]
@survivor (#89): I prefer to wear Kaz — “Make the whole world your sex dojo.”
MibbitmakerMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:31 am [Reply]
Phantom: “Ghost, you will die tonight — by my hand! Not by my build, by my hand! Got that?”
RMMD: Rex is trying to stare down and unsettle his writer-artist team.
R=R: If you discount the panel borders, that is.
WillMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]
CS: Exactly how dumb is Ed supposed to be, anyhow? I mean, he’s allegedly a maniacal gardener, right? Oughtn’t he to know what a seed is?
pugfugglyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:34 am [Reply]
@Sequitur (#81): If there was a canadian version of Pluggers, it would likely revolve around back-to-back trips to Canadian Tire and Tim Horton’s, Rita McNeil records, mourning of the 2 dollar bill, basements full of ’stubby’ beer bottles, and “Did I ever tell you about the time I saw Trudeau?” stories.
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:34 am [Reply]
BB: The other officers are just hoping that the general’s general doesn’t slip out of his faux animal skin. Actually the guy in back with the pouffy pompador looks like he wouldn’t mind.
Luann: Luann is insulting either a Texan or a Scotswoman. Either comes with a minimum penalty of two black eyes.
A3G: Because in Iris’ experience crazy homeless liars are dynamite in the sack.
9CL: Brooke is back to doing what he does best: drawing legs and writing assholes.
S4th: The neighbors have grown wary of Ted’s door-to-door evangelism. “Excuse me, but do you have a few minutes to talk about the Force? The words of Yoda still resonate today…”
JP: Suddenly it’s “Luann, the CW soap”.
FC: Thanks for showing us the Jeffy snot. Really made my day.
DT: Jeez, Lizz. Somebody tries to kill you and suddenly it’s all about you.
Archie: Reggie is so rattled you know he’s going to need a hug from his Jughead plushy. Don’t judge him.
SFx: Here’s a sight. A cute scene of a farmer and his animals, but with more mutual loathing than a week’s worth of Lockhorns.
S-M: No, gentlemen. “Fwipp” is not the awesomest sound effect I’ve ever heard/seen. Quite the opposite, in fact.
Ziggy: Too late, CIA. You’ve already let a pantsless, hairless gnome penetrate your HQ. Your core mission is fatally compromised.
C-Shaft: Next time you start feeling sorry for yourself, take a deep breath and say, “At least I’m not Crankshaft’s English interpreter.”
Pseudo3DMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]
As much as I’d like to believe that Lini was bullied for his clothing (it is one of the major “bullying” factors, apparently), it’s a little hard for that to believe when the Christian basketball guy wears safety goggles every day to practice.
AnonymousMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]
General Halftrack’s hidden message is ‘If the reliability of oil supply from the Western Mediterrean drops any further, we’ll bomb them back into the Stone Age.’
MibbitmakerMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:38 am [Reply]
9CL: “Aw, damn, I thought we Burbers were perfect!” (I’m not sure if someone should tell Edda about Dawn Weston or not…)
A3G: “I mean, you didn’t really believe me when I told you I worked in all those New Year’s Eve cartoons, did you, Iris?”
Archie: I’m not buying it! I mean — Moose was reading?!?
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]
@But What Do I Know? (#93): Then according to Chekov’s Law, before this strip is over someone will have to shoot the key. Or lock up the firearms for safety. Of course, this second option can’t be used because it would make for a boring denouement, unlike the diamond smuggling story line which resulted in, uh — the smuggler climbing onto a plane and Mark drifting off in a boat having accomplished nothing.
Shit! They’re going to lock up the firearms for safety, aren’t they?
Red GreenbackMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]
One Million Years B.B.: “It looks bleak, men. The worst part is that we will have to pawn all our shoes and walk on the sides of our feet.”
Happy Family Day, Muffaroos!
SequiturMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#103): No, the little girl will get the gun and shoot the bad guy in the oompa loompas. Maybe the drug smuggler too.
Can they do that in Mark Trail? Rats. Your safety thing is sounding more logical all the time.
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]
@survivor (#89): “Obsession”, by Cortez Beecher.
Zork The MightyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#98): “His middle finger was right in my face, big as day!”
Uncle LumpyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]
@Sequitur (#105):
Mark is never too busy for the Safety Lecture.
Ethan ShusterMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]
Sorry to correct you Mr. Curmudgeon, but the proper blackjack-dealer reference is this comic here. I know because this comic inspired me to call him a blackjack dealer, making me a COTW runner-up, an achievement I cling to like an emotionally abusive father reliving a mediocre high school sports career through his little leaguer.
MibbitmakerMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]
Archie: If Reggie has a little Jughead doll, shouldn’t it have pins sticking out of it? Or did he use them all up on his similar Archie doll?
Theodora of ForthMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]
I’m sorry if someone has already commented on this, but I am still behind on the comments reading this week.
We have a relatively new strip called Freshly Squeezed in our paper and this week it is about a daughter throwing her father’s favorite jacket out. Specifically, burying it under her compost heap. I just want to say I absolutely HATE that attitude of “I don’t like your choice of clothing so I’m getting rid of it.” This strip handles it particularly badly as it does the whole three generations living together in one house thing. The characters are unpleasant, mean and stupid. http://comics.com/freshly_squeezed/2011-03-22/
I want to put Freshly Squeezed under the compost heap! (/rant)
Scott BotMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]
FW – I’m waiting for the next couple days of strips, so we can see which students get to draw the ‘your wife has a torrid affair with the gardener,’ the ‘your house burns down and you wind up living in your car’ and the ‘your husband is arrested for embezzlement and gets 10-20′ slips.
SequiturMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#108): Yes! “I WAS LUCKY TO GET AWAY FROM HER!” is always a fine piece of safety advice.
Old School Allie CatMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]
FW – I’m disturbed by the assumption that every married couple wants to have a baby. Mr. Cat and I have been happily married for six years and have no desire to bring any Old School Kittens into this world. And that makes us…normal. Or, at least a version of normal. I’m also disturbed that Cody, who I spend a day thinking was Cory, has a basic understanding linking relationship of testicular temperatures to fertility issue. I would suggest a more likely diagnosis: Sperm Cancer. And finally, I’m disturbed that Cody is intimately familiar with his friend Owen’s choices in re: underpants. It’s close attention to details like that that get a nasty website created in your honor.
Fashion PoliceMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]
Upon due consideration, we are inclined to give Master Bellini the benefit of the doubt. Despite considerable evidence to the contrary, we shall assume he is sufficiently raffinato to know that one does not wear a tuxedo during the day (we would have been pleased beyond belief had he shown up at Milford High in a stroller – morning attire would have been too far over the top). We shall assume further that he knows what everyone outside Hollywood and the prom/wedding industry knows, that one invariably wears a black bow tie with a tuxedo.
We have concluded that our young Jedi unearthed one of those blazers with contrasting piping that many English lads are compelled to wear to public (i.e. private) school. The boutonniere is quite quite wrong, but otherwise we find is outfit rather witty, if just a touch self-conscious, and rather more stylish than his usual gear. Half-marks, at least.
If we have judged incorrectly and Master Bellini is indeed gauche enough to don evening attire in the daytime, then he deserves a taste of Master Cortez Kennedy’s elbows at every practice until they graduate.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#108): Wow! When I first looked at it I thought Mark was hitting her with her purse, which he’d just stolen and, in the last panel, manages to take with him as he makes his escape.
Okay, now that’s kind of an interesting Mark Trail story.
Scott BotMarch 23rd, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]
@Fashion Police (#115): And finally, I’m disturbed that Cody is intimately familiar with his friend Owen’s choices in re: underpants.
See, I brought that point up earlier, and everyone yelled at me…
Scott BotMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:00 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#117): And this was in reference to Old School Allie Cat’s comment in #114. Sorry about that
SequiturMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:01 pm [Reply]
@Fashion Police (#115): I think it’s one those t-shirts on which a tux is painted. The white bow tie is real.
Uncle LumpyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#117):
Because: pants!
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#112): How could you forget, “Your wife dies of cancer and you become an insufferable author”?
CalicoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:06 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#73):
I know, my brain shot out sparks and a bit of smoke my first time in a CT store.
http://www.canadiantire.ca/home.jsp?site=WebStore&cid=KW_Branded%20Terms_Canadian-Tire-Brand_AD3_En&gclid=CKiz_KCI5acCFZIK5Qod7GEu-Q
It’s not just tires and auto service-it’s almost everything you need (and don’t need) for home and family!
They are, weirdly, the only place I could find ice cube trays recently…
March 23rd, 2011 at 12:06 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#81): Well, I hope it’s not Pluggerama, as my extended family regularly goes there like any hardware store, and I got my ice skates from one.
When I consider Canadian Pluggerdom, I think of the Air Farce skits revolving around the doughnut/coffeeshop (ayup, ayup, ayup … you betcha … you got *that* right…)
Fashion PoliceMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:07 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#119):
We beg to disagree. Tuxedo t-shirts are rather too trailer-park for such as Master Bellini, who fancies himself something of a boulevardier.
March 23rd, 2011 at 12:09 pm [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#77):
Yeh, I love the Scottish dude on the CT “money.”
Sequitur, you can also regift the currency in clear plexi boxes at each store, and that value goes to charities.
March 23rd, 2011 at 12:12 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#81): “Canadian Tire” is like “Harbor Freight” in the US, right? IF it is, then it definitely is Pluggerrama.
SequiturMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:13 pm [Reply]
@Calico (#122): and @CanuckDownSouth (#123): and @Calico (#125):
Canada is such a magical place! Sorry I haven’t been there since 1988.
March 23rd, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]
@CanuckDownSouth (#123):
Ah, RC Air Farce. I miss The Chicken Cannon.
March 23rd, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#126):
It can be, Al, it can be… : )
March 23rd, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#126): I’m not sure about that. Harbor Freight is mostly all kinds of tools. Canadian Tire sounds like a place you could enter and never have to leave.
Fashion PoliceMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]
We cannot help but observe that Master Bellini’s public-school blazer is quite more charming than Dr. Morgan’s narrow tie tucked into his slacks and electric-blue windbreaker! One would almost think he broke into Mr. Paul Linski’s closet.
And it bears repeating that Mrs. Morgan’s vintage 1973 plaid trousers leave much to be desired as well.
CalicoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#130):
CT and Pier 1 (if the latter still exists) are dangerous for me to be in, and I’m usually averse to most shopping, especially clothes. I’ll blame it on the kids, as I want to buy them every gizmo and toy they stock! : )
Bonnie from MW, stay away dear! You’ll relapse.
March 23rd, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]
I’m kind of shocked at how openly Luann is insulting this little old lady. How are readers supposed to react to this?
Fashion PoliceMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]
aside to Miss Sophie Spencer: As the most overprivileged 14-year-old on the planet, your sense of entitlement is overwhelming. You should book yourself as an exchange student to Westview, Ohio. You might come back after a year or so with a different perspective. If you live through it.
Calvin's Cardboard BoxMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]
PBS – Superman is a plugger?
Pluggers – Submitted by Donald Wong. Was the suggestion a crossover plant by Stephan Pastis? Because if he is Wong, then I don’t want to be white.
Doctor HandsomeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]
Halftrack plans to soften the blow of the budget cuts by ending with, “But on the plus side, I just saved a bundle on my car insurance!” The joke will not go over well.
Red GreenbackMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]
Oh, and curses upon you, Von ‘mudge who made the comment about Halftrack’s desk design bearing an eerie similarity to a “goatse”. I can’t unsee it now!
Vince MMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#23): My favorite assessment of vampire locomotion was in the ‘Buffy’ show at the very beginning:
Giles: You have no idea where they took Jesse?
Buffy: I looked around, but soon as they got clear of the graveyard, they could have just, voom!
Xander: They can fly?
Buffy: They can drive.
March 23rd, 2011 at 12:38 pm [Reply]
@Calico (#128):I thought the Chicken Cannon got a bit overplayed after a while, but I never tired of Get Stuffed. And I loved it when they got actual politicians to play opposite their satirical doubles.
frippyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:39 pm [Reply]
9CL: “I’m a gentleman, you hippo.”
Doctor HandsomeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]
I would have been a lot more sympathetic to Lini if they said for sure that he was gay. As it stands, the closest they came to labeling him was when Lini himself basically copped to being “a molester.” So I’m pretty sure I still don’t like this guy.
SequiturMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]
BB: Hey bats :[! What does General Halftrack got on under the leopard skin?
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#135):
Howe, Wong are you?
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0002146/
Not Just Any DipstickMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]
@Swordsmith (#69): Important NOTE: NO pilot has the airplane key on a ring with more than a light tag. Very disconcerting when a bit of turbulence flips a heavy set of keys around and shuts off the engine.
Tom the Sailor ManMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#127):
I live just across Lake Erie from Canada, and get to watch a lot of Cnadian TV “over the air”. My hands down favorite? “Ed the Sock”.
bunivasalMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:54 pm [Reply]
General Halftrack is trying to illustrate where the US will be bombed to should the military budget be cut back to say, the education budget.
commodorejohnMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:55 pm [Reply]
A3G – Why would Iris want to spend the evening with a crazy homeless liar? Because she’s Iris, dude. She’s this strip’s embodiment of Wacky Free Spirit. Just watch out, or you might wind up wearing a leotard and juggling hens in the balcony.
Bizarro – I laughed.
Crankshaft – What. No. Go away and shut up.
DT – Wait, what? Are they going after criminals who’ve served their time just for kicks, or were Fly-Face and the Fifth dumb enough to appear in public advertisements while they’re wanted fugitives despite their extremely distinctive appearances? I never thought I’d say this, but they could stand to take some lessons from the Camera-Thieving Bandits in Mark Trail.
FC – ARGH TAKE IT AWAY
FW – Wow. I…just wow. So anything bad that happens to anybody over thirty is a heart-wrenching tragedy that just goes to prove the futility of existence, but fertility issues with Those Awful Teenagers are just a barrel of laughs? Just fuck you, Batiuk.
JP – “Because we all have enormous and/or extremely perky breasts, dear. Don’t worry, I’m sure it won’t be long before the rest of you catches up with your face and you’re 25 and built like Marilyn Monroe.” [*]
Mandrake – “I shot your tire out so you’d want to talk with me! I learned about interpersonal communication and logic from Mark Trail!”
MT – What…what is Lonnie (snrk) supposed to be staring at, in panel three? The obvious thing would be THE KEY HANGING ON THE RACK, DID YOU NOTICE IT, BECAUSE IT’S CENTERED IN TWO OUT OF THREE PANELS that she came to get, but it’s behind her. And characters don’t usually interact with the Elrod Ball… Is she staring at something on Otto’s head? Maybe that dense crosshatch isn’t shading – maybe it’s some kind of super-dense ultra-sideburn?
MW – Oh, so “Cathy” is actually Tobey Cameron? …eh, whatever, it provides a nice distraction from thinking about this “Daddy’s little girl” thing Dawn has going on. Distract, distract, distract, distract…
The Norm – !!!????!?!?
PBS – So…why phone booths, anyway? They don’t provide significant cover, they’re usually right out in public, and they’re not roomy enough to really be convenient for changing in. Does Superman actually have a secret exhibitionist streak?
Phantom – Actually, it’s the prison staff, throwing him a surprise birthday party!
RMMD – A tip for budding directors: if you’re close enough to see the tear ducts, you’re too close.
Ripley’s – How, pray tell, do you get a “solid brick of tea?” Do you brew tea and then dehydrate it? Do you compress tea leaves until they become a sort of tea-coal? Do you extract sap or whatever that gives the tea flavor from the leaves and make a resin brick? I’m curious.
SM – Spider-Man the comic strip, kindly don’t rub your pointlessness in our face.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 12:55 pm [Reply]
@Theodora of Forth (#111):
I’d be okay with Ed Crankshaft’s daughter burying his favorite red jacket* under a compost heap.
*While he’s still wearing it!
SequiturMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:06 pm [Reply]
@Tom the Sailor Man (#145): Wow! That means you get to see the best crap of two nations!
But you got me curious so I had to Google “Ed the Sock” and found out that it’s a cigar chomping sock puppet. The Wikipedia article mentions that it inspired Triumph the Insult Comic Dog so I guess I get an idea of what “Ed the Sock” is about.
Veeeery Interesting.
Filthy AssistantMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#53): ugh
SequiturMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#147):
The Norm – !!!????!?!?
Obviously she like a man with a big taco.
JupiterPluviusMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:16 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#99): Luann is insulting either a Texan or a Scotswoman
Or a Marylander. Or a Saskatchewanian. You gotta think big picture here.
In other news, grits ‘n’ Irn-Bru for breakfast!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:18 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#53): oops, that first link is wrong.
should be this hare-raising pic.
@Filthy Assistant (#150): ??
Sly RobbieMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:20 pm [Reply]
BB: General Halftrack and Fred Flintstone — separated at birth. Yabba Dabba Doo!
Scott BotMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:22 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#121): Yep, you’re right, I forgot that one. My bad. Although since this is Westview High, cancer is pretty much a given.
This GuyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:22 pm [Reply]
FW: Hold on, wasn’t this going to be an assignment about teaching the responsibility of child-care? What in the living hell is the point of declaring certain “couples” to be infertile?
And I still seriously want to know if Hilary Price is a One of Us and JAPH. Anyone know anything about that?
Effluvius ErratusMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:22 pm [Reply]
PBS: The reason why this joke sucks is because it was already done, like, 33 years ago in Superman: The Move. It’s hardly cutting-edge satire when the property you’re spoofing already spoofed itself literally decades ago. You want to make phone booth jokes based on cultural touchstones? Try Bill and Ted. Better yet, don’t make phone booth jokes.
greghousesgfMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]
where do Pluggers find pay phones that actually still work?!
SequiturMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:26 pm [Reply]
@greghousesgf (#158): At Canadian Tires!
CalicoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#149):
Hahaha!
“The best crap of two nations”
March 23rd, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]
I, for one, am predicting that “Beetle Bailey” will go into a “Funky Winkerbean”-esque slide into depressing melodrama, starting with the revelation that Halftrack is now developing Alzheimer’s. Or schizophrenia. Which one makes old people dress up like “Flintstones” characters, again?
Chip WhittleMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#147):
PBS – So…why phone booths, anyway? They don’t provide significant cover, they’re usually right out in public, and they’re not roomy enough to really be convenient for changing in. Does Superman actually have a secret exhibitionist streak?
The advantage, or at least the plausibility-for-story-purposes, in using a phone booth lie in that first, they’d be all over the place (and you could show them in comics or on TV, the way that, say, a bathroom stall could not be); and second, people don’t pay attention to what someone in the booth is doing. They’d register if someone was in there, and if they were coming out, but after noticing that there’s someone in the booth that’s as much attention as you’d give the person.
Is it rock-solid? No, it won’t stop a person determined to stare through the glass, but it’s good enough for what is really a tiny story beat of giving the superhero the chance to change. (And that people will change clothes while in a car, hopefully while they’re not driving, establishes that people still accept the basic premise of privacy-by-any-barrier; how often have you noticed them changing?)
Also I’d point out many older-style phone booths had rather substantial opaque construction, even being tiny rooms; if the booth is four wooden walls with a small glass window in the door, that’s a much more credible obscured spot.
The phone booth space might be constrained, but it’s quite changeable; Mythbusters even specifically tested this one, but if you have a small linen or broom closet you’ve taken the shelves out of you can try it yourself.
(I’d also wonder just how often Superman actually used a phone booth to change in, as opposed to, say, a closet or another room or someplace actually private. See any discussion of famous-movie-lines-that-were-never-said.)
Ripley’s – How, pray tell, do you get a “solid brick of tea?” Do you brew tea and then dehydrate it? Do you compress tea leaves until they become a sort of tea-coal? Do you extract sap or whatever that gives the tea flavor from the leaves and make a resin brick? I’m curious.
Pretty near. You steam the tea leaves, maybe add some kind of binding agent and let’s hope it’s flour, put it under the press and dry it out. Keeps forever, travels well, and may even taste like anything drinkable when a wedge has been shaved off and boiled. Or take some chunks, add butter, and nibble on that. Read any book about the history of tea or caffeine; it’ll be about chapter five. I think it also gets into some books about salt.
Calvin's Cardboard BoxMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]
@Not Just Any Dipstick (#144):
MT – Back in the late-90s, I had the misfortune of consulting for a company with a plant in San Angelo, TX. Site visits required a flight into DFW airport, then an American Eagle commuter flight into San Angelo. The airport had only two gates, and when the puddle-jumper landed, all 3-4 passengers got off, fetched their bags from under the plane, and then waited around for the pilot, who had the key to unlock the door into the terminal. I never thought to ask if the key to start the plane was on the same ring, or if the plane was started by having a flight attendant get out on the wing and turn a crank.
Jim NorthMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:37 pm [Reply]
argh super busy day major apologies for any oversnark argh
9CL: So. Legs. Yup.
Archie: So. Jughead doll. Creepy.
Crank: Wait, this guy knows what Crankshaft is saying?! Is there any chance he’d be willing to write us a Crankshaft to English dictionary?
DT: “‘Let’s roll’? Aw, but I just got this coffe and everything! That’s . . . that’s okay, guys. I’ll just sit this one out, I guess. Just gonna ease back into the field work thing. Yah, that’s the ticket. Ease back into it . . . sniffle . . . ”
FC: Ah, another week revolving around a sick member of the Keane family. How neat.
FW: Y’know, I was beginning to wonder about ol’ Funky Winkerbean here. It was starting to look like the current storyline was going to be nothing but pointless antagonism and stupid so-called “jokes”. But now we’ve finally gotten to the chewy angsty center of this grape lolliplot, and oh how bitterly sour it tastes! Just look at the teacher in the second panel. She was once so cheerful, so happy to hand out the new imaginary lives to the imaginary couples, and now she sees the imaginary futility in the entire imaginary game. Tune in next strip when she staggers off to the restroom and pretends to slit her wrists with an imaginary razor blade.
JP: Oh, goodness, time for whiny emo crap. Unless she says anything absolutely batshit insane like “Other girls shouldn’t exist!” or “Why haven’t they crowned me Queen Princess of Everything yet?!” or “YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ME! BUY ME A LEAR JET TO SHOW YOU CARE!” I’m just gonna take a nap. Wake me when they get back to Constance and Angel, the deal-makin’ home-breakin’ wonder duo.
Jumble: The pool player made so much money because he: ROBBED BANKS
MT: Holy crap, those aren’t just shadows. His sideburns are actually doing that.
Pluggers of the Future aren’t very impressed with the newer, sleeker “needle in your ear” style suicide booths. They prefer to off themselves with a little dignity and privacy, thank you very much!
Zits: Ah, so it’s not a “Jeremy is in trouble with the law/his parents” storyline, but a whole relationship plot thing. Those are always great, Jim said sarcastically.
commodorejohnMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#162): Ah, very interesting. (Of course, it would help if I liked tea, but it’s fascinating all the same.)
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#147): As a general rule I’m all for “Just fuck you, Batiuk.” But it should be pointed out that these are only imaginary fertility issues between Junior Funky and his classroom wife. Presumably he’d treat the subject with a little more (a stultifying) amount of gravity if it were actually happen.
What does suck is that you can apparently get the same grade without taking care of a bag of flour or anything. Just be the lucky bastard who draws the sterility card.
seismic-2March 23rd, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]
BB: Note that Miss Buxley doesn’t say “the Army’s budget reduction”; instead, she says “our budget reduction”. What she means is that Walker-Browne industries are losing money, and they are in danger of being taken over by Parker-Hart. General Halftrack is therefore being proactive by trying to stake out a claim on a role in B.C., lest he join the rest of his troops in being re-assigned to Crock. Can you blame him?
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:51 pm [Reply]
Zits: Lifestyle changes are on the horizon for young Jeremy Duncan as his girlfriend rams into his rear end and he finds that he likes it.
word-doctorMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]
@Doctor Handsome (#136):
dingdingdingfreakinDING
Écureuil ÉcumantMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#162) on tea bricks: “maybe add some kind of binding agent and let’s hope it’s flour”
A hope long abandoned by most consumers of the types of products from that region that require pressing and a binder agent.
teddytoadMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:56 pm [Reply]
Hey, so, just to confirm my understanding of today’s Luann, it’s a classic bait-and-switch joke of upturned expectations: the first panel makes us think that Mrs. Horner is joining the federal bench, and we’re all impressed about how Luann for once is giving us a remotely admirable female character defined more by her intelligence and competence than by whom she’s kissing and/or not kissing, but then the gag is she’s going to be a beauty contest judge, ha ha, silly me… yeah, I have a lot of bitterness towards the comics page.
Écureuil ÉcumantMarch 23rd, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]
S-M I know that thing on the ledge is supposed to be the Spidey version of a camera mount, but isn’t it usually portrayed with considerably fewer strands of web for clarity’s sake? This contraption looks like a web nest for Peter’s egg sac.
dude abidesMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:02 pm [Reply]
Okay, I give up. What’s Luann doing with her hands in panel 1? Maybe the paegent is getting a little too exciting for her?
Effluvius ErratusMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#166): You just answered a questions that’ve been nagging me all day (because I’m a loser): If the imaginary couple is imaginary infertile, do they just get a study hall for the duration of the unit? What’s the pedagogical justification for excempting certain students from this unit? What are they supposed to learn? It would be like a world history teacher exempting 99% of his students from haviing to read or write during the unit on Medieval Europe.
I just don’t see the point of it.
The Spectacular Spider-BrickMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:11 pm [Reply]
9CL: Brooke’s personal copy of panel 3 has the feet somewhat farther apart.
B.C.: ARCHAEOPTERYXES GOT ELECTRICITY
DT: OMG, less than a week from impetus to action?! I can’t help but think that when Staton and Curtis were asked whether they thought they could continue Dick Tracy in its established tradition, THEY LIED.
thorps. “…And welcome to Jefferson High, which has just been transported back in time to a 1970s black-power rally. Or maybe a Jersey Shore taping, I’m too drunk to tell the difference.”
JP: “They’re called ‘tits,’ dearie. Learn how to use them. We’ve explained this to you.”
Momma: AAAAAHGHH WHAT IS THAT THING AND WHY IS IT LOOKING AT MEEEE
PMP: You can have your JPs and RMMDs, but when it wants to, this strip does boobs as well as anybody.
SL: Could be worse, Hawthorne. You could be sucked into a crack in an undersea pipeline.
Chyron HRMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:17 pm [Reply]
Funkerboo – I’m pretty sure the teacher is the wife of the PE coach, who had fertility issues that required them to go to China and get a sack of opium adopt “Jinx”, the girl who looks just like Summer but she’s Asian because it’s called writing drawing.
In summary, she’s neglecting her educational responsibilities in order to be an attention whore.
Judge Parker – I think Sophie’s blooming into womanhood will consist of the sound effect “BO-YO-YO-YOING”.
But What Do I Know?March 23rd, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#105): Surely Mark will need to punch someone, somehow, somewhere before they get off the island. . .
spikeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]
@Chyron HR (#176): Re: Funkerboo
Right on all counts! Maybe The Infertile One will smack Our Young Hero in tomorrow’s installment
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#163):
A morning DJ where I live used to make a joke about a lost-cost carrier in our area: “Fly Oldsmar Airlines — after your trip, you get to keep the plane!”
bats :[March 23rd, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#77): one of the local “active retirement communities” in northwestern Tucson is having a “Canadian Days” weekend. I’m really debating whether I can resist driving up there and pretending to be interested in the active retirement community lifestyle so I can snag a couple of Tim Horton donuts.
commodorejohnMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]
@Chyron HR (#176): Oh, of course. Because it wouldn’t be the Funkerverse without someone rubbing their personal tragedies in everybody else’s face.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:35 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#179): “low-cost”! (Preview is your friend, Rocky!)
Écureuil ÉcumantMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]
Luann: In which Mrs. Horner genteelly clues-in Luann that beauty is skin deep but morally ugly goes to the bone.
Bitter ScribeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:39 pm [Reply]
Here lies the body of Ella Lee
Who died at the age of a hundred three.
She remained a virgin until seventeen
A pretty good record for Aberdeen.
March 23rd, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#Y303): My mother is a major KUDZU fan, and I’ve given her several compilations. She really misses my sending her the dailies (her paper never carried it and she’s not an Internet person). I wish Doug Marlette were still with us.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#168): glad that I wasn’t the only one to go there. :-)
Écureuil ÉcumantMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:46 pm [Reply]
RMMD Today, an awkward foreshadowing of a non-activated alarm system, an unlocked safe and a purloined ticket.
Tomorrow a call to their buddy Sam Driver, who relieves their anxiety by assuring them that because they stood to gain nothing by accepting the ticket for safekeeping, they created only a gratuitous bailment, requiring them to exercise merely slight care.
Friday, on learning that the alarm wasn’t set and the safe wasn’t locked, Sam advises them they failed to meet even that minimal standard and are therefore hosed.
PoteetMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:48 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#Y294): Yes, Mister Honeysuckle rocks! I hope someday a magic bullet will be found for jubata grass. I looked it up and it looks awful — sympathies again.
majoloMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]
BB: Looking closely at the graph, I think Gen. Halftrack is trying to dramatize the fact that, on multiple occasions, their budget has actually traveled backwards in time (assuming the axes are what one would expect).
Maggie the CatMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]
So, Aunt Iris likes random, burly, transient men for meaningless sex? Nothing wrong with that. What? They’re just going to see “Big City”?
PoteetMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:53 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#Y290): Thank you! And thank you for helping your students. I somehow have a vision of you as a successor to those medieval Irish monks, helping to keep old learning alive in a time of darkness.
DairyStateDadMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:54 pm [Reply]
Repeating because of the post-jump:
MW: At last, the explanation why Josh’s saturday postings always come so late! He’s in, too!
Calvin's Cardboard BoxMarch 23rd, 2011 at 2:58 pm [Reply]
@teddytoad (#171):
Luann – I’m reading today’ strip as an attempt to avoid lampshading. The only reason Mrs. Horner, the babysitter, is being considered as a judge for the beauty pageant is that there are a limited number of adult female characters in the strip. Momma DeGroot is out, and they need three judges, so that means …. ummm … Toni Daytona … and … that guidance counselor … and … ummm … the babysitter? Yeah, OK, the babysitter, but lets try to throw a cover story about her being a former Miss Holy Roman Empire or something to make it less ridiculous.
Frankly, I understand why Frank can’t be a judge, but couldn’t male characters judge the pageant, y’know, like in real life? TJ as a judge has a lot more comic potential, in my opinion. Or, even better – Dirk. Hell, mini-Elvis hasn’t been seen for a while, he would be perfect.
Baka GaijinMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:02 pm [Reply]
@Captain Plaid Pants (#3): “I don’t know if I’ll draw my next breath, but I know with a deep, abiding certainty that this woman has bush like Castro’s beard.” Words of wisdom. Mr. Pants, start buying the bags of Cadbury Mini Eggs. You’ll need ‘em on the float in a couple days.
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#18): “CdS: Baka Gaijin feels your pain, kid.” You got that right. What a horrible nightmare! It’s as bad as sitting on a kitchen counter and the light comes on and you see Miss Avis’ screaming face. Eeek! I just scared myself.
@pugfuggly (#23): “Or maybe he’s just making a quick sketch of the general’s exposed junk…” When you said this, your name popped into my head. Coincidence?
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#33): Congratulations Old Man!
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#36): Tomorrow!
@Effluvius Erratus (#95): “I prefer to wear Kaz — ‘Make the whole world your sex dojo.’” It’s on the shelf at Walgreen next to Sex Panther, right?
@Chyron HR (#176): “Judge Parker – I think Sophie’s blooming into womanhood will consist of the sound effect ‘BO-YO-YO-YOING’.” I would so pay to see that.
@Écureuil Écumant (#183): “In which Mrs. Horner genteelly clues-in Luann that beauty is skin deep but morally ugly goes to the bone.” I’d rather it be, “In which Mrs. Horner genteely tazers Luann until she’s as ugly outside as she is inside.”
PoteetMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:03 pm [Reply]
LUANN — My eyebrow goes up a little at a beauty-pageant win being referred to as one’s “glory days,” but of course Mrs. Horner may be joking, and anyway, if she thinks her glory days were way back when, so be it. Luann, on the other hand, is so blatantly and frankly rude that my jaw is hanging open.
Can we please see her exhibiting this level of tact at a job interview and getting physically thrown out the door?
Old School Allie CatMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:09 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#166): Good news is that he doesn’t get a bag of flour. Bad news is, the teacher is going to give him a twist. He has to travel to China or Russia and cut through loads of red tape to bring back a bag of flour from there.
How do you say boll weevil in Mandarin?
Phred22March 23rd, 2011 at 3:10 pm [Reply]
BB: General: I’ve lived with budget cuts up to now but when they replace our floor with a foot of light beige paint on the wall, that is going too far.
PoteetMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:13 pm [Reply]
@Old School Allie Cat (#114): Good comment. I too am babyless-by-choice, and I too am annoyed. Batiuk could potentially lessen my annoyance in future installments of this story, but I’ll bet he won’t.
PoteetMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]
@Bitter Scribe (#184): It seems so odd to laugh at something connected with LUANN.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]
@Chyron HR (#176):
The Winkerbean Jinx doesn’t compare to the Falkenburg Jinx:
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lc4hb5XHVF1qetv7ao1_500.jpg
Professor FateMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]
FW: so now what? Oh I know – they will adopt a kid – and the birth mother will die of cancer, then Les will give a lecture about his book and the class will try to kill themselves with spoons.
MW: “I am going to disconnect from the net, wear garments made of annimal skins, eat blue moss and learn to play the piano.”
Esther BlodgettMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#65): I’m going to look out my window now. Wave so I can see you.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:25 pm [Reply]
@Captain Plaid Pants (#3), @Baka Gaijin (#194): Comparing Lonnie’s pubic hair to an 84-year-old man’s beard is hitting below the belt!
PoteetMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:30 pm [Reply]
MT — I’m trying not to focus on the ever-so-obvious key ring, the bizarre behavior of the sideburns, MomJeans looking exactly like Cherry with different hair, and the ridiculous escape plan. I’m trying to focus on the fact that today’s strip may be as close to actual sex as MT ever gets.
LiamMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:32 pm [Reply]
MW-Dear God let this storyline end. The only people it is appealing to is senior citizens who are afraid of new technology and will instantly shun anything new.
bats :[March 23rd, 2011 at 3:32 pm [Reply]
Hey! Who was responsible for that four-panel set of dancing kitteh photos?!? So insidious! So reprehensible! So cute!
Not Worth ItMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:34 pm [Reply]
9CL – Am I extremely confused about what’s been happening this week, or shouldn’t that line be “When did you realize it was my thigh you were touching”?
AnonymousMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:35 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#147): PBS: Oh, there were times where phone booths were opaque enough for privacy. Way way back.
Too bad Pastis isn’t British{*}. A police box would have sent the geek factor into overdrive.
{*} – Or Darrin Bell. His custody storyline is driving me into McE/Batliuk fits, but I gots to love a fen.
Scott BotMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:35 pm [Reply]
I always thought that the whole point of the famly living courses in high school is to show how much work a baby is, and that you shouldn’t get pregnant and wind up a teen mommy or daddy and ruin your life. I guess they have to have classes about that now since ABC doesn’t show After School Specials anymore.
PoteetMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:38 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#65): Did you give him directions to Reed’s house?
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:40 pm [Reply]
I was sorry to hear about the death of actress Elizabeth Taylor. I always felt like she would’ve made an excellent Margo Magee if an Apartment 3-G movie had been made around the time the strip started in 1961.
survivorMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]
I think I know what happened with Beetle Bailey.
There was an enormous explosion with panels flying everywhere. They closed the strip for repairs and now we’re witnessing the process of sifting through all the pieces of comic strip panels amongst the rubble.
“Look! I found a first panel where someone says ‘What’s going on!’”
“Hey! I found another panel with General Halftrack wearing a caveman outfit!” “Good enough! Paste them together and ship it out to be printed!”
March 23rd, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]
@Liam (#205): A subset of the population also known as “Mary Worth’s Target Audience”. . .
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:53 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#186): Well, I saw the opening and… Let me rephrase that…
ShrugMarch 23rd, 2011 at 3:56 pm [Reply]
@greghousesgf (#158):
“where do Pluggers find pay phones that actually still work?!”
Well, there’s one about fifteen feet from the public servicee desk at which Plugger Shrug spends about half of his work week — once in a while I get asked for the loan of a few quarters for it when a student’s cell phone has (a) run out of charge or (b) been stolen because the idiot wandered off to the bathroom and left it lying out. (College students never carry money any more either, it seems.)
Uncle LumpyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 4:01 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#211):
… she would’ve made an excellent Margo Magee …
Elizabeth Taylor immortalized the role of Margo in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf; Richard Burton played Alan/Trey/Jack, and Sandy Dennis was Lu Ann. The role of Tommie was played by no one, who received that year’s Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress.
Uncle LumpyMarch 23rd, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]
George Segal was IT Gary.
Scott BotMarch 23rd, 2011 at 4:08 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#211): It’s been around that long? Wow, that explains a lot…
‘That’s what I love about those A3G girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age. Yes, they do.’
Comcis FanMarch 23rd, 2011 at 4:08 pm [Reply]
MW: Who woulda thunk that Dawn Weston is shomer Shabbos?
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 23rd, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#217): I thought that Segal played Alan, and the “shot by a bald junkie” seen was cut after test-screenings.
Effluvius ErratusMarch 23rd, 2011 at 4:17 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#220): “Let me tell you something pendeja. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash your Twitter out at the pool party, I’ll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and click send till you go ‘tweet’ … nobody fucks with the Mary.”
Dennis JimenezMarch 23rd, 2011 at 4:18 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#204): Um – Kelly Welly doesn’t look much different, either – my theory is the match book art school Elrod attended only had one patern “pretty girl.” Lots of Lepracheans to choose from, though….
Calvin's Cardboard BoxMarch 23rd, 2011 at 4:19 pm [Reply]
@Shrug (#215):
Any more? Outside of legacy students at Ivy League institutions, I don’t think many college students have any spending money. The most liquid form of wealth they have is a six-pack in the fridge. That, or their new Finance textbook – aka beer money after finals are over and the book is sold back.
PoteetMarch 23rd, 2011 at 4:37 pm [Reply]
@greghousesgf (#158): Seek and ye shall find! (And no, I don’t live in Kelley — it’s just that this phone booth is mildly famous in Iowa.)
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Phone-Booth-in-Kelley-Iowa/71706979627
ArchieNemesisMarch 23rd, 2011 at 4:41 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#204):
I agree with your statement “today’s strip may be as close to actual sex as MT ever gets.”
I would go on to say that today’s Mark Trail strip may be as close to a normal sexual encounter as the entire comics page ever gets.
All the creepy and dysfunctional romantic depictions in comics like Luann, 9CL, Funky, and Lockhorns make Mark Trail sexual encounters seem healthy.
Don’t even get me started on Love Is…
March 23rd, 2011 at 4:42 pm [Reply]
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#223):
I meant to say that they don’t carry “cash” (or even pocket change). The students I see mostly do have *money,* it’s just that it’s solely in the form of plastic, and even that often solely in the form of the plastic issued by my University, which works for the photocopiers and computer printers and vending machines and is accepted at the food service and the bookstores, but does not work on the one lonely pay phone in the building. They are frequently amazed when I remind them of the concept of “cash” as still being around and still being carried by us Plugger-types.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle PatrolMarch 23rd, 2011 at 4:47 pm [Reply]
FW — I take the “sterility” plot twist from another angle… Perhaps the kids who draw the “sterility” card automatically fail the course, thus inducing panic. This is, after all, what happens in real life.
Of course, what happens next is anybody’s guess. I’ve seen twice now among my friends where a couple has been declared infertile, panics to the point of near divorce, spends god-awful amounts of money on ineffective fertility treatments/adoption, finally give up, only to find themselves pregnant quite by accident.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle PatrolMarch 23rd, 2011 at 4:50 pm [Reply]
@Shrug (#226): Regretfully (or maybe not), the Plugger-carrying-cash archtype is coming back into vogue.
Unfortunately, this archtype is often also matched with Plugger-carrying-concealed-handgun.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle PatrolMarch 23rd, 2011 at 4:53 pm [Reply]
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#223): I’ve purchased many a computer/CD/car/random sundry good from college students needing a beer fix in the middle of a semester.
These days, though, the pawn shops are practically on-campus.
bats :[March 23rd, 2011 at 4:55 pm [Reply]
@Dennis Jimenez (#222): and Dawn Weston’s teddy bear!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 5:45 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#230): Wilber sings: o let me be, Dawns teddy bear.
thank you vurry much.
MustangMarch 23rd, 2011 at 5:50 pm [Reply]
Since Luann has the features and bone structure of a Jack o’ Lantern, she has good reason to be depressed about the aging process.
Écureuil ÉcumantMarch 23rd, 2011 at 5:51 pm [Reply]
@168 Artist formerly known as Ben said:
Zits: Lifestyle changes are on the horizon for young Jeremy Duncan as his girlfriend rams into his rear end and he finds that he likes it.
And we discover that Hector’s makeover was global, and dude’s got bush like Jerry Garcia’s beard…
Baka GaijinMarch 23rd, 2011 at 5:56 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#233): “bush like Jerry Garcia’s beard…” No no no. Bush like Castro’s beard.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 6:12 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#234): obligatory response. (bottom panel)
AdjusterMarch 23rd, 2011 at 6:14 pm [Reply]
I didn’t see any other comments, but the text in Rhymes with Orange today looks real:
$ sudo cpan Algorithm::CheckDigits SMS::Send HTTP::OAI
Install perl utils for generating check digits, sending over SMS and getting things from the open archives initiative. And the guy on the right has an xkcd shirt.
Baka GaijinMarch 23rd, 2011 at 6:17 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#235): Hey now! That robot’s and Mark Trail’s current facial hair are looking quite identical. Mark is just be gluing pubes to his cheeks to create that manly scruffy beard. It figures.
MibbitmakerMarch 23rd, 2011 at 6:32 pm [Reply]
Army budgeting so simple, even General Halftrack can do it!
Trey Le ParcMarch 23rd, 2011 at 6:39 pm [Reply]
FW: I haven’t read this strip in months. It’s like heroin withdrawal, only everything’s better and I feel good about my decision.
VioletMarch 23rd, 2011 at 6:55 pm [Reply]
I can totally see why Luann would find that depressing. She really thought she might have a chance and now she has to face the fact that no way is she as hot as Mrs. Horner.
gnome de blogMarch 23rd, 2011 at 7:16 pm [Reply]
The trouble with Luann is that her mother is the hottest woman in Pittsville. Luann can never live up to that. I feel sorry for her. But not very.
commodorejohnMarch 23rd, 2011 at 7:26 pm [Reply]
@gnome de blog (#241): What? Nancy looks like a blow-up doll, only scoldier.
The RidgerMarch 23rd, 2011 at 7:40 pm [Reply]
@Swordsmith (#69): I think it’s a trap! Otto keeps the plane key on his keyring, and hangs this one up to see which of his minions are DEA spies. When you touch it it adheres to your hand and sets off an alarm.
The RidgerMarch 23rd, 2011 at 7:47 pm [Reply]
@Old School Allie Cat (#114): I’m sure they all have gym class. But honest to god I hate this kid.
ElkMeadowMarch 23rd, 2011 at 7:52 pm [Reply]
@Theodora of Forth (#111):
I commented on the same yesterday. Cruelty to seniors was a theme in FOOB, is a constant in this strip (Freshly Squeezed), and is the point of today’s Luann. It’s like expecting to see a funny strip and having a grapefruit-coated grapefruit knife stuck in your eye.
@Effluvius Erratus (#174):
There is going to probably be a section in the class about adoption, which will be an eye opener to someone who was adopted himself. No comment on IVF in this strip.
@Poteet (#195):
Luann already has a job at the library, given to her in a Liz Patterson way, sans job application, sans interview, sans competition.
ElkMeadowMarch 23rd, 2011 at 7:55 pm [Reply]
Meanwhile, we will see Cathy and Wilbur meeting up next week.
——————-
Dexter, Anthony and Holland Dike will kidnap Berna, use her keys to open the office, force her to turn off the alarm, and haul out the safe. Dexter finds himself strapped to the safe and explosives, and the safe is forced open. The lottery ticket is the wrong one, and the right one is still in Berna’s purse.
March 23rd, 2011 at 8:00 pm [Reply]
FW: Today in class they draw names to see who gets to be sterile, and tomorrow they will hold drawings to see who gets to be afflicted by gangrene, tuberculosis, Ebola, and the whooping polio (twice). Then they all pick up a handfull of stones and go into the gym to hold the lottery for the “grand prize”. Winning!!!
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:09 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#191): Actually, all I succeed in doing is making the students aware of what they’ve been denied, and then sending them out at the end of the semester a little more bitter and twisted than when they started.
Huh. I teach at Westview!
The RidgerMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:10 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#174): It’s a “Family Living Course”. She didn’t actually ever explain what the hell is going on here. Other people have suggested the eggs/flour bags thing, which may be happening, but I bet these kids have to “adopt” a cauliflower or something.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:18 pm [Reply]
@The Ridger (#249): “I bet these kids have to “adopt” a cauliflower or something.
Batiuk is too culturally sensitive for that. He likely believes that cauliflowers should be raised by cauliflower families.
AviatrixMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:22 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#166): I figure the teacher will hit the sterile couple with their unexpected child right after they’ve made other plans for the week. Either that or they’ll be adopting a crack baby.
@pugfuggly (#98): Oh hell, I’m a plugger. But I was only about eight years old that time I saw Trudeau. My parents pointed him out to me. And I’m pretty sure it wasn’t in the canoe aisle at Canadian Tire.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:22 pm [Reply]
NKTB. (for True Fable)
DanielMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:33 pm [Reply]
Luann That lady’s face is all wrong; its perspectives change wildly, the planes of her face shifting obscenely.
buzzMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:37 pm [Reply]
I think BEETLE BAILEY is ripping off the May 17, 2010 DILBERT: http://buzzdixon.com/context-is-for-the-week/context-is-for-the-weak-2/
commodorejohnMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:38 pm [Reply]
@Daniel (#253): That’s because Greg Evans doesn’t actually know how to draw women who aren’t “lively young maiden” (Luann, Bernice) or “puffy-lipped strumpet” (Toni, Tiffany, Nancy,) so he’s apparently trying to model his “senior citizen” look by taking Ed Asner’s character from Up and adding poofy granny hair.
Chyron HRMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:45 pm [Reply]
@Daniel (#253): But instinctively Luann hurled the musical box at the grotesque apparition, destroying both.
(Yes, twice in the same day on the same strip.)
HairheadMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:51 pm [Reply]
Luann – And of course, no-one is going to twig onto the fact that Mrs. Horner is good friend of the DeGroot family, something that would get her automatically disqualified anywhere else except in the Luanniverse!
Of course, no post of mine would be complete without a hypothetical conversation at the Judge’s table.
MRS HORNER: I vote for Luann in the swimsuit competition; her breasts are the perkiest!
MISS PHELPS: That is a highly inappropriate remark Mrs. Horner.
MRS HORNER: Inappropriate? This is a beauty contest, a meat-market, let’s not kid ourselves.
MISS PHELPS: If you want to lower yourself to that level, Mrs. Horner, what about Tiffany’s breasts?
MRS. HORNER: Breasts you call them? She’s got much plastic in her, if she fell on her front, she’d explode!
MISS PHELPS: Um, ah . .
MRS HORNER: And talking about falsity and hypocrisy, I haven’t seen you at the dyke bar in about six weeks. Polishing your leathers are you?
MISS PHELPS: Shut it, bitch, or I’ll slit yer face.
MRS. HORNER: You and what army (pulls out a blackjack) Horner and Phelps start going at it hammer and tongs. The Pitts crowd of kids and their parents look on aghast, except for Knute, who pulls it out and starts polishing his knob.
March 23rd, 2011 at 8:54 pm [Reply]
@Theodora of Forth (#111): Based on all that I read on Comics.com, it seems it’s just an isolated incident. The mom isn’t nearly as bad as FBOFW’s Elly.
Pseudo3DMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:58 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#130): Nah, even though I don’t live in Canada, Harbor Freight Tools is a bit like if Dollar General only sold tools.
CharleneMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:18 pm [Reply]
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#126): No, no, Canadian Tire sells everything. Tires, car parts, tools, sure, but also sporting goods, linens, kitchenware, small appliances, lawn and garden stuff, paint, toys, athletic wear, even groceries in some locations.
commodorejohnMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:19 pm [Reply]
@Chyron HR (#256): Oh, good one! Another piece to add to the list of “things that are queasily sexual but not in the utterly abhorrent way that Luann is!”
Écureuil ÉcumantMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:23 pm [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#259): I kinda liked Sequitur’s (?) wording that the difference is that “Harbor Freight is full of tools.” Some might say this observation could equally well be construed as a similarity.
True FableMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:30 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#252): GOATS!!! @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#53): GOAT!!!
I have hit the squee jackpot! Thanks queek!
ElkMeadowMarch 23rd, 2011 at 9:48 pm [Reply]
Hey, FW, naming a kid after a television set was done decades ago, in Cathy. Furthermore, “Nova” is a Chevy, and translates into the Spanish, “It doesn’t go.”
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:16 pm [Reply]
@The Ridger (#249): Maybe it’ll be like in “Drawn Together” — “To teach you about the responsibilities of having a baby to raise, we’re giving each of you… a baby.”
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 23rd, 2011 at 10:18 pm [Reply]
@True Fable (#263): this week is Goat Week on Daily Squee, there should be more wonderful goats to come! (kids >>> lambs according to the vote tallies!)
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