Mark Trail, 12/6/10
Allow me to dabble in a little heresy here for a moment: could Kelly and Mark actually be perfect for one another? It’s been clear for some time that Cherry isn’t getting her needs met by her spouse: she expects “love” or “affection” or at least a husband who “understands” the “emotions” that motivate “humans.” On the other hand, Kelly, though ostensibly cast in the role of the strip’s sexpot, seems genuinely confused about why it would be inappropriate for her to walk into Mark’s hotel room while he’s showering and answer a phone call from his wife. I don’t think we’re intended to read her line in panel three as being delivered in some kind of sultry yet sarcastic mode; instead, she’s just gazing dumbfounded at the phone, wondering how something she said could possibly have caused such offense. You know who else demonstrates that sort of diagnosable inability to grasp the needs and inner lives of others? Mark Trail.
I’m sort of curious about exactly how Cherry’s posture translates into the massive SLAM we see in panel two. Did she suddenly go all faint at the thought of Kelly in Mark’s hotel room and lose her balance, with one hand catching herself on the table as she pitched forward and the other sending the phone careening back into the cradle almost by accident? Or did she firmly place right hand on the table for balance, so that she could smash the handset down with her left all the more vigorously?
Mary Worth, 12/6/10
A comic panel is, when you think about it, a curious way to convey narrative: although it’s tempting to think of it as a single frozen moment, panels with dialogue do depict a certain amount of time passing, and so each of the motionless characters must occupy a particular instant within the interval that the panel contains. In today’s panel two — which, I hope I don’t need to say, is the most wonderful thing anyone will show you today — Dr. Jeff still bears the beatific expression of a man in the midst of a good uninterrupted bloviation, whereas Mary and Adrian’s looks of stricken horror indicate that they’re living in the moment after Jill’s drunken interruption ruined everything good, forever.
I love virtually all of the details in today’s strips: Jill taking a big gulp of wine in panel one, for courage; the happy couple holding hands, oblivious to what’s about to happen; Mary bringing one hand up to her mouth in shock, while Adrian merely stares on dumbly, finally aware that the friend she’s coddled all this time really, truly doesn’t like any of this crap. But mostly I love Jill’s inexplicable rage, which I’ve loved from the moment it became apparent that it would be the driving force behind this storyline. Jill won’t put up with Jeff’s pablum. God? Don’t talk to Jill about God. Jill knows there’s no heaven above us, just a grid of hideous drop ceiling panels that never end.
Gil Thorp, 12/6/10
With Milford’s star player kicked off the team for dealing drugs, Gil needs to pull some clever coaching out of his coaching hat at the end of the season if he wants to salvage his playdown hopes. “They’ll be looking for the wildcat formation — but not this wildcat!” he says, revealing the the mountain lion he plans to release into his opponents’ backfield on key plays. “Who wants to volunteer to sneak into Valley Tech’s locker room and rub raw meat all over their jock straps?”
This entry was posted on Monday, December 6, 2010 at 09:48 pm and is filed under Gil Thorp, Mark Trail, Mary Worth. | 120 responses to “” JenDecember 6th, 2010 at 9:52 pm [Reply]
MT: Is it any coincidence that, hairstyle aside, Kelly and Cherry could pass as twins? Heck, even their clothes are the same color!
timmy the dying boyDecember 6th, 2010 at 9:54 pm [Reply]
MW: Jill just needs a good hump.
CharlesDecember 6th, 2010 at 9:56 pm [Reply]
But wow, Cherry’s shown to be wearing a turtleneck sweater, rather than her usual pink work shirt. Baby steps, people. Baby steps. It’ll be 1960 in this strip before you know it.
PatrickDecember 6th, 2010 at 9:57 pm [Reply]
Even the chandeliers can’t take Jill’s drunken antics anymore, and are slowly creeping towards her end of the restaurant, ready to drop on her head at any moment.
DiggerDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:15 pm [Reply]
MW: Mary has been rendered almost catatonic by Jill’s semi-profane language (i.e. – “Crock”). If Jill starts throwing around F-bombs she just might kill Mary.
MT: Is Cherry actually thinking that Mark is off having a romantic rendezvous with a woman? It’s sad that after all these years she still doesn’t know Mark at all.
commodorejohnDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:17 pm [Reply]
@Digger (#5): Maybe she does know Mark, but she keeps hoping there’s some kind of hidden depths she hasn’t discovered yet.
dougrogersDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:19 pm [Reply]
MW: WTF is wrong with that girl? She seems to have a pathological hatred of weddings, is masochistic enough to go to them, and so obsessively driven she cannot choose to not go to the fr!gg!n wedding…
What is this Criminal Minds?
SequiturDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:20 pm [Reply]
@timmy the dying boy (#2): Are you going back to that joke about the camel?(@dale (Y#270):)
Or do you want her to ring the bell at Notre Dame de Paris?
OregonianDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:21 pm [Reply]
“That’s a CROCK!” yells Jill, and millions of Mary Worth readers adjust their bifocals and lean forward with interest to see the aforementioned cooking pot.
I am Jack\'s usernameDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:22 pm [Reply]
“WHAT’S going on here?” SLAM “I said WHAT’S going on here? Answer me! Oh, the ol’ silent treatment, eh?”
I am Jack's usernameDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:23 pm [Reply]
@Oregonian (#9): Ha, I think millions is a bit optimistic. Or very, very pessimistic.
cheech wizardDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:24 pm [Reply]
MW – Jill is obviously either divorced or was engaged to someone who broke it off, hence her hostility towards marriage. Mary will swiftly diagnose the underlying cause of the problem, namely, she needs a man! No biggie; being a wedding, I’m sure they can dredge up one tomorrow who’s just as drunk as she is.
LuAnn – So Dirk is going to rescue Nancy, which I suspect will lead to learning that the reason he’s going away is that he’s joined the military. And will be dispatched to the Middle East, where he will promptly soak up a bullet. Which will lead to Brad, Toni and the rest bemoaning how they misjudged him and didn’t understand what a fine, upstanding and heroic young man he truly was, despite the physical assaults, stalking, controlling behavior and emotional abuse, and end up despising themselves for the rest of their lives. How nice.
Mardou FoxDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:26 pm [Reply]
MT: Cherry is frequently seen making this hand-to-temple gesture. Life as Mrs. Trail is just one long migraine headache.
Uncle LumpyDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:28 pm [Reply]
The only constant in the Gil Thorp universe is Gil’s sullen refusal to give Marty anything remotely interesting for his interviews. But Marty will laugh last, with “DRUNK ANNOUNCER MURDERS COACH.”
Jason1981December 6th, 2010 at 10:32 pm [Reply]
MT: I think I know why Cherry’s so p*ssed: No one in the strip ever told her other tops besides button-down shirts actually existed, as she apparently just found out.
AndyLDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:34 pm [Reply]
I love how Cherry is holding her hand over her other ear as though she’s just barely picking up a signal on her new-fangled telephone device. Well, it is long distance.
Johnny KnucklesDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:35 pm [Reply]
MW Dr. Jeff just keeps yakking through the social unpleasantness. Likely a defensive mechanism. His remaining patients probably can’t tell him about their pain and suffering as he talks over them about the curative powers of vitamin D and dips in the condo pool.
Big AlDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:35 pm [Reply]
This is my inaugural comment! Anybody know where I can get me one of those blue statues of The Joker in panel one of MW?
Also, when you search for Comic Curmudgeon, Google’s new-fangled auto-filler-inner suggests “Comic Curmudgeons”, as if there could be more than one!
Riff ChickDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:37 pm [Reply]
“Sexpot” in Mark Trail apparently means you have hair that extends below your ears and your button-down flannel is slightly pinker and more form-fitting than everyone else’s.
As for Mary Worth – more Jill? yes, PLEASE. Maybe Her Meddleness can kindly inform Ms. “That’s a Croc” that emotions are for ethnic people.
GarrisonDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:39 pm [Reply]
So….Jill’s saying that Marriage is NOT a sacred union made by God, but instead a badly scribbled comic strip about the Foreign Legion? Has she been hanging out with Lorretta Lockhorn again?
AndyLDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:41 pm [Reply]
I look forward to the scene when Mark finaly finishes his shower, and thanks Kelly for answering his phone, because once Kelly tells him about his wife’s reaction to her presence in Mark’s hotel room, he’ll be just as perplexed as Kelly and the two of them will need to call her back and ask her to explain it to them.
DanielDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:42 pm [Reply]
MW just turned into Jack Chick Comics: the strawman Wiccan or atheist shouting and visibly shaking, their face contorted in hatred, at the mer mention of something Christian.
SequiturDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:44 pm [Reply]
One thing Jill and Kelly Welly have in common is that they’re more interesting than the main characters. Kind of like Phantom’s Savarna, Ziggy’s parrot or Crock’s…er…um… did I mention Ziggy’s parrot?
markytomDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:46 pm [Reply]
MW: I love how Adrian slid about 4 feet to be right next to Dr. Jeff once Jill let loose of the ‘That’s a crock!’” line.
Carl Barks FanDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:46 pm [Reply]
MT: Not only that, she transferred the phone from her right hand to her left hand before she SLAMMED it down.
I wish Mark would hear the SLAM and rush out of the bathroom with no clothes on, but this is drawn by Jack Elrod, not R. Crumb. Too bad.
Riff ChickDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:46 pm [Reply]
@Daniel (#22): Win! Nice reference! And a cogent simile, if I ever read one!
skeltometerDecember 6th, 2010 at 10:55 pm [Reply]
Way to interject some football jargon there, Coach Beardy McBeardersson (he’s Scotch-Swedish). Glad to see someone’s been playing Madden 2001 on his PS 1… I’ll bet his team would’a won state if the coach had left him in the game. I also have it on good authority that Coach McBeardersson can throw the ball a quarter of a mile.
Rocky StoneaxeDecember 6th, 2010 at 11:00 pm [Reply]
Gil Thorp — Somewhere Ted Grant is smiling to himself!
Ripley’s — Avon, Ohio sounds like Red Green’s kind of place!
Today’s Dogg — Do they take turns being leader of the pack?
NekrotzarDecember 6th, 2010 at 11:06 pm [Reply]
MT reminds me of a Ray Bradbury story, where the last human survivor, alone on Mars, gets a whole bunch of phone calls from his younger self.
“This is Cherry, who is this?”
“Hi, Cherry, I’m you, with straighter hair. Remember me?”
Meanwhile, in MW, I think that Jill just looked across the comics page and noticed, for the first time, Pearls before Swine.
Simultaneous, Gil Thorpe is noticing, for the first time, that he’s a coach of a sports team, and is going to try out a little strategy for a change.
Pseudo3DDecember 6th, 2010 at 11:08 pm [Reply]
What, no FW reference?
The whole thing really PO’s me. After all, the guy’s wife died of cancer. Most people get remarried within a few years. But Les never remarries, then writes a book about his wife, and everyone thinks it’s so wonderful, as if a tragic event like a wife dying of cancer is a new and original drama.
Of course, it’s all a mouthpiece by Batiuk, who is trying to play the smug asshole and the unappreciated writer all at the same time (this all ties in to Mr. Goboto’s comment)
To be honest, none of the Funky Winkerbean characters really deserve happiness. Les finally has success: his book becomes a national phenomenon. And what does he do? He treats his fans like dirt.
I imagine the climatic lead-up to this involves nothing special. It would be great if it was all a dream or Les is shot dead by a crazed fan.
Batiuk is obviously angling for some sort of award, but he just sucks. Even with Trudeau’s political bent, he did have some witty (and true) points sometimes. I have yet to see that FW.
I wonder if Batiuk is even aware of this website. There may be people who claim to be Batiuk (after all, you can just replace the “Name” with anything), but the actual Tom Batiuk…
cjDecember 6th, 2010 at 11:13 pm [Reply]
Trail:
@Digger (#5): the “hidden depths” idea actually got me thinking – if Mark sees everyone as animals, acting on instinct and without complex emotions or thought processes, it would explain why he was so quick to forgive the gubernatorial candidate who tried to turn him into roadkill.
Worth:
Actually, I’m on Jill’s side here. The idea that success in our love lives is not due to individual characteristics and their interactions, but planned by an unimaginably powerful deity accountable to no one, is about as unromantic a notion as there is. I guess Dr. Jeff is not expressing romantic sentiment at all, but rather, in accordance with Mary’s wishes, impressing upon any within auditory range that they will never have real power over their own lives.
December 6th, 2010 at 11:14 pm [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#12) on Luann: And then, ten years from now, Dirk will suddenly turn up in a POW exchange on live TV (Bernice as the reporter, maybe?), his alleged remains having been misidentified….
Yr Obt ServtDecember 6th, 2010 at 11:21 pm [Reply]
Gil doesn’t have a mountain lion plan – he has a cougar plan, as in “I need you to get your moms to seduce Valley Tech players.”
NoahSnarkDecember 6th, 2010 at 11:26 pm [Reply]
A room with lime green walls and salmon curtains, while the people in the wedding party wear orange and purple outfits. The person who colors Mary Worth must hate working on the strip so much that they want to stab all the readers in their eyeballs.
EllieDecember 6th, 2010 at 11:27 pm [Reply]
Wait, weren’t there a whole bunch of people sitting in folding chairs when Jeff began to bloviate? Man, they were just LOOKING for an opening to screw outta there!
HaroldDecember 6th, 2010 at 11:33 pm [Reply]
OH THAT FOOLISH KELLY WELLY!!!
Meanwhile, in Gil Thorp, a life-size version of a 1970’s-era G.I. Joe is giving advice on football strategy.
Girl ReporterDecember 6th, 2010 at 11:43 pm [Reply]
Add another to the pile of fine examples of lovingly rendered drop-ceilings in Mary Worth. A moment of silence, please, for Donald Brown.
http://blog.cleveland.com/metro/2010/01/three_die_as_small_plane_crash.html
I hope that in his lifetime the almost daily depiction of a drop-ceiling in MW gave him a jolt of pride. And/or royalties.
JohnDecember 6th, 2010 at 11:44 pm [Reply]
Anyone else think Michael Shannons FBI agent character on Boardwalk Empire would make for a perfect Mark Trail spinoff?
Ethan ShusterDecember 6th, 2010 at 11:54 pm [Reply]
How many friggin’ coaches are on Gil Thorp’s team? Isn’t this the high school of a mid-sized suburb? This team seems to have so many coaches that many are unnamed. I thought only Texas high schools take football so seriously. Milford’s got a college-sized coaching staff.
Girl ReporterDecember 6th, 2010 at 11:58 pm [Reply]
And another thing. what’s on the other side of all those drop-ceilings in Mary Worth? For one thing, they’ve gotta be asbestos-ridden. For another thing, who else was freaked out by the best movie of all time Brazil? (no, not Boys From Brazil, Brazil. The one with Robert DiNiro as the rogue duct repairman Brazil).
Walker of DogDecember 7th, 2010 at 12:02 am [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#12): Would your scenario make Dirk the Aldo Kelrast of Luann?
@Big Al (#18): Welcome aboard! Don’t eat anything Mary Worth is serving, and always wear shoes around Marvin.
@Digger (#5): Check out Jill’s unforgivable comparison of Mary’s strip to Crock and those elbows on the table. Mary’s catatonia is caused by all the blood vessels in her brain bursting at once.
NekrotzarDecember 7th, 2010 at 12:03 am [Reply]
@Girl Reporter (#40): Salt?
Pseudo3DDecember 7th, 2010 at 12:11 am [Reply]
@Big Al (#18):
1. I’ve been here for several months, and never have gotten mentioned on COTW yet, so don’t bet on it…
2. Read the TVTropes page on this site: it gives a helpful refresher to newbies.
3. Learn to hate Funky Winkerbean.
MarkTwailDecember 7th, 2010 at 12:12 am [Reply]
MT: Cherry looks almost human in panel one today. She shouldn’t worry, though: Mark’s still too busy shellacking his hair for anything to be “going on” at least for the next hour until it dries. And after that, the mammoth squirrel staring in the foreground will be where the only action is. Relatively speaking, of course.
Girl ReporterDecember 7th, 2010 at 12:16 am [Reply]
@Nekrotzar (#42): Veruca?
AustriaDecember 7th, 2010 at 12:17 am [Reply]
A3G: Yeeeeaaaah Keeeennn you rock that scarf like it’s 1989
Curtis: And this answers our question about where “Onion”’s been all this time. I wonder if the people in the Curtis-verse have to do something weird with their voice to make sure people know they’re speaking with quotation marks. I always end up reading it like “Where is — ONION?”
FW: Oh that’s a load of crap. You know when we got to watch TV during class? Once. Obama’s election. That’s the only time they ever turned on the TV in lieu of class. 9/11? Nope, what are you talking about, there is no 9/11, 9/11 never happened as far as my elementary school was concerned (I’m serious, that day they pretended it wasn’t happening). Virginia Tech? Didn’t watch TV then either. There’s no way — no way they’d stop class for this guy’s book.
Luann: Oh please please please please mighty deities of newspaper comics, please let Mama DeGroot have a face full of cactus in tomorrow’s strip
SF: It’s no Noodle Incident, but it’ll do.
MarkTwailDecember 7th, 2010 at 12:21 am [Reply]
MW Crock of what, Jill, crock of what? Go on, say it. Say it, for gods’ sake, so the whole Mary World will implode thus freeing it’s inhabitants from its salmon-squared hell forever!
cheech wizardDecember 7th, 2010 at 12:22 am [Reply]
@Walker of Dog (#41): Only if he drives his tank off a cliff.
dr.giraudDecember 7th, 2010 at 12:28 am [Reply]
FW: Please let the host make fun of Les’ stupid, stupid name. And stupid face. And . . .
@Austria (#46): Agreed. Back in ye olden days, we got to watch TV exactly twice in high school, Reagan’s inauguration and the 1st landing of the space shuttle Columbia.
December 7th, 2010 at 12:46 am [Reply]
@Austria (#46): Luann: Oh please please please please mighty deities of newspaper comics, please let Mama DeGroot have a face full of cactus in tomorrow’s strip.
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Lesser WharkDecember 7th, 2010 at 12:50 am [Reply]
MW: The different reactions are easy to explain. Jeff is further back from Jill than Mary. Speed of light limits mean it takes longer for him to see her outburst, and longer for his reaction to reach us. If we assume there’s one meter between Jeff and Mary, the additional time should be 2/c = 6.67 nanoseconds (0.00000000667 seconds).
It would usually be an achievement to draw a complete comic frame in this interval. However, in the Mary Worth universe even the photons get bored, allowing much more time for moments like this.
This may also explain the prevalence of bright blue, orange and pink garments. Only focused bursts of photons in matching wavelengths can hope to escape the banality of Santa Royale.
CharlesDecember 7th, 2010 at 12:52 am [Reply]
@skeltometer (#27): Of course, to get into some more involved football jargon, what he’s saying doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense. If he wants to get… who is it… Jamarr into some 1 on 1 situations, he’d just say that, rather than mentioning the positions he’d be lining up against. When you mention actual defensive positions, that means that you’re looking for a mismatch, but unfortunately, that doesn’t work here.
If you’re looking for a mismatch against a corner, that means that your guy’s a big guy who’s going to stomp on the little cornerback who’s in there for his speed and agility, not for his power. If you’re looking for a mismatch against a linebacker, your guy’s a quick guy who can merely outrun the slower linebackers who are in there to stop the power guys. To look for either matchup doesn’t make any sense, unless your guy’s strong AND fast, at which point you’re merely looking for one on one and it doesn’t matter who covers him. C’mon Gil Thorp writers, this is supposed to be your bread and butter.
Anyway, hope everyone enjoyed this ludicrously unnecessary diversion into football strategy playing two way as wholly useless comic commentary. The more you know, after all…
MasonDecember 7th, 2010 at 12:54 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#43): What do you mean “learn to hate FW?” I thought that was part of the universal subconscious, one of those things that mankind does instinctively….
SoccerheadDecember 7th, 2010 at 12:56 am [Reply]
Curtis: What’s that on the far left panel 1? Is that the stomach of a fat student or teacher or what?
FW: Saturday Les was in San Diego preparing to go to Houston. Today he’s appearing on the Today show.WTF?
December 7th, 2010 at 1:02 am [Reply]
@Lesser Whark (#51):
Only focused bursts of photons in matching wavelengths can hope to escape the banality of Santa Royale.
Your theory of Mary Worth is based on coherence? I see a problem.
timmy the dying boyDecember 7th, 2010 at 1:03 am [Reply]
@Sequitur (#8): Naw, nothing that subtle, just a good ol’ fashioned hump in the adolescent sense of the term.
bats :[December 7th, 2010 at 1:05 am [Reply]
@Soccerhead (#54): re FW: I think that WTF is the airline that Les takes from San Diego to Houston to NYC to Narnia to Atlanta.
Walker of DogDecember 7th, 2010 at 1:05 am [Reply]
@Austria (#46): Yes, but you probably went to a school with a non-despair-based curriculum, where the administration chose to shield you from traumatic experiences and focus your attention on learning and personal achievement. The Westviewian board of eduction has a whole other approach.
TheTJDecember 7th, 2010 at 1:17 am [Reply]
I wonder how much Adrian is willing to put up with Jill? I mean, I know this is Mary Worth, so Mary will make Jill happy by forcing her to change, but imagine if Mary weren’t involved. Would Adrian put up with Jill then? Maybe at the altar Jill would yell out they were a terrible couple and that it was a bland wedding. Or later when they have kids that thy’re raising them wrong. Perhaps if Adrian died first we could see an old Jill berating her for not having a nice enough funeral or that her tombstone doesn’t leave a lasting impression. Where’s the line Adrian?
PoteetDecember 7th, 2010 at 1:27 am [Reply]
GT — I have no idea what a “wildcat” refers to in football. But in wildlife circles, “wildcat” usually refers to a bobcat rather than a mountain lion. A bobcat only weighs about twenty-five pounds, and its main objective, once released, would be to get the hell off the football field as fast as possible and well away from all the people. So a case could be made that bobcats have higher IQs than those of us who read GT.
Dr. Krude&RudeDecember 7th, 2010 at 1:32 am [Reply]
So, I was in the lab puzzling out how the litmus paper had turned black when my receptionist buzzed the intercom.
“Your three o’clock is here” she remarked.
I checked my watch. It was 2:15 pm. I had set his appointment for 3 pm because I knew he’d be here at 2:30. He was always early but never 45 minutes.
“Tell Ted I’ll be out shortly” I replied to her remark.
Ted was Ted Forth. He was at times a funny guy but also a bit of a hypochondriac. He often was ill with something or the other but his fertile mind tended to blow a simple ailment into a huge situation which somehow always involved space monkeys. Another thing, he had one large testicle and one rather small testicle. I often wondered if his testicles ruled his life and whichever one was dominant that day would determine his personality. But hey, I’m not a shrink. I went out to greet my patient.
“How you do, Ted. What brings you my way?”
“A giant Xezephian swamp bubble complete with GPS” he stated. “But the reason I’m here is because of this…”
Ted dropped his pants exposing his Superman vs. Batman underpants. The front of the underpants was labeled “Boy Wonder.”
“Uh, Ted. I think you need to wait until you’re in the examination room before you do that.” Some tittering came from the general direction of my receptionist.
“Oh, sorry” Ted said. “Where should I go?”
“Just walk this way, please.”
“If I could walk that way I would have pulled up my pants!” Ted quipped as he walked to the examination room with his pants around his feet.
“So, Ted, what seems to be..” And then I saw it as Ted lowered Superman below his knees. “Eh, Ted, just how you get a hot dog stuck up your ass?”
“Well, it was right after Thanksgiving. Sally had her nemesis Frank over for the evening. He was a guest of her sister’s and Sally really didn’t want him there. After the evening was over and all went home I happened to mention to Sally that everything turned out okay. She screamed something about me not supporting her enough and said that if I liked Frank so much that I could be one with him. That’s when she crammed this wiener up my wazoo.”
I removed the hot dog, applied ample salve and sent Ted on his way. I did, however, have to charge him a bit more for my services. You see, that wasn’t actually a hot dog. As it turns out it was actually Frank’s frank if you know what I mean. Sally had somehow dislodged it from its owner. We got Frank into surgery and did a reattachment. Since it was Sally’s fault I charged it to the Forth family insurance.
That was certainly one of the most interesting insurance forms I ever filled out.
PoteetDecember 7th, 2010 at 1:37 am [Reply]
@Big Al (#18): Welcome, Big Al! Thanks for pointing out that blue statue, which I hadn’t noticed before and which adds to the general creepiness of the scene.
TrilobiteDecember 7th, 2010 at 1:41 am [Reply]
Oh look, Jill’s furious outburst scared Jeff’s lower torso all the way down into his pants!
SpectraDecember 7th, 2010 at 1:45 am [Reply]
I thought I was a curmudgeon, but Jill makes me look like Little Mary Sunshine! Maybe it’s the fact that I’m nearly a teetotaler. Of course even if I had a quart a day vodka habit I would probably be nearly a teetotaler compared to Jill.
I had an uncle who was a mean and scary drunk. I guess that Jill is mild compared to him.
December 7th, 2010 at 1:47 am [Reply]
12/7 FW: Brazos Bookstore, please seek legal counsel immediately.
bats :[December 7th, 2010 at 1:51 am [Reply]
And once again, Mark Trail redefines cluelessness…
OTOH, maybe someone in LoFo is growing a brain.
Steve T.December 7th, 2010 at 2:00 am [Reply]
On top of everything else awesome about Mark Trail, both Kelly Welly and Cherry are catting at each other over heavy, jet black, bakelite phones from the 1940s. Look at the handset in frame one! Remember how you could unscrew the speaking end you see there, and the disc-shaped piezo-electric mike unit would just fall out into your hand? My dear late Grandmother had one of those forever, but she died around 1975, and I haven’t seen one outside of a museum since.
PoteetDecember 7th, 2010 at 2:10 am [Reply]
12/7
FW — I’ll bet Les and The Flying Lisa-Book Circus will never end up in rural Iowa, or even Iowa, period. So there are advantages to living in a state with limited broadband access.
LUANN — I just wasted three minutes of my life that I’ll never get back, trying to figure out how the hell yesterday’s bookcase-and-window configuration could lead to what we’re seeing now. And you know what, Mr. Evans? I don’t think it’s possible. You’re screwing with us again.
VioletDecember 7th, 2010 at 2:20 am [Reply]
So Jill drinks too much and dances inappropriately at weddings, regards Adrian as a useless half-wit, Mary as a colossal pain in the ass, and Jeff’s suggestion that marriages are personally arranged by God as ludicrous to the point of contemptibility—is there anything about this woman that is not supposed to be relatable?
TruthOfAngelsDecember 7th, 2010 at 2:23 am [Reply]
I see no meddling in this Mary Worth strip. Combined with the fact that England have just thumped Australia at cricket, this leads me to conclude that I have stumbled into a highly desirable alternate universe.
Well, I can stand the despair. It’s the hope I can’t stand. PUT ME BACK, NOW!
Charlie the Bursted CarbunkleDecember 7th, 2010 at 2:23 am [Reply]
Luann: You know, you don’t have to lift the entire bookcase off the ground to perform a “rescue” like this. You just tilt the damn thing up and let the books spill. I thought Dad DeGroot was going to the gym, how weak is he?
Aw, who cares. Evans retconned physical assault into Dirk and Toni’s relationship, and how he’s trying to reform a violent stalker. Good luck with that, Evans.
Not Greg EvansDecember 7th, 2010 at 2:26 am [Reply]
As long as Cherry already things Mark is getting some strange, why not take advantage of the situation and get a little stinky on the hangdown? I guarantee you Kelly Welly does the weird stuff. Just sayin’.
PoteetDecember 7th, 2010 at 2:26 am [Reply]
12/7
MT — What a relief — the nipple mystery remains unsolved.
MW — Wow, great show! Too bad this isn’t the reception. I’m also sorry that Jill isn’t hurling all over Mary’s outfit, but we can’t have everything.
The Ghost of JarrodDecember 7th, 2010 at 2:32 am [Reply]
Jill, Jill, Jill…everyone knows the discussion about how this marriage won’t last two years is supposed to take place at a table toward the back of the reception hall. Etiquette, dear. Mary will explain it.
PoteetDecember 7th, 2010 at 2:32 am [Reply]
12/7 MT — We also can’t see whether Mark has an actual winkle, and I hope to God it stays that way.
bunivasalDecember 7th, 2010 at 2:35 am [Reply]
Meanwhile, halfway across the comics page, Commander Crock nervously adjusts the collar on his poorly-rendered Legionnaire’s uniform. “What do I have t?” He asks timidly as he tries to figure out why Jill might think his name is synonymous with marriage.
PoteetDecember 7th, 2010 at 2:36 am [Reply]
12/7 A3G — Somehow I’m picturing Trey Brooks helping little old ladies get across the street.
Yr Obt ServtDecember 7th, 2010 at 2:37 am [Reply]
SM: “You may call me…Melvin”
“I am…Dracula” has been surpassed.
The Ghost of JarrodDecember 7th, 2010 at 3:02 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#30) – Batiuk long ago gave up anything like “plot” or “character development,” and simply started using his characters — especially Les — as pure, unadulterated author avatars. He clearly thinks the whole Lisa Dying of Cancer arc was the best thing he’s done, but rather than use that to push himself into new artistic development, he’s just letting his thinly-veiled alter ego bask in the glory Tom feels he is due. It would be as if Garry Trudeau turned Zonker into a reporter who won award after award for writing about soldiers recovering from injury.
And of course, if you think Batiuk is a hack, he will tell you you’re just a loser who doesn’t get “art.” Take his thinly veiled Take That surrounding the school production of “W!t,” which in Westview passes for a lighthearted comedy.
Sheila SternwellDecember 7th, 2010 at 4:32 am [Reply]
Chron… broken… for two… days… forced… to survive… on food… and… water…
Mr. O'MalleyDecember 7th, 2010 at 5:20 am [Reply]
Luann: That’s stupid. How heavy is a bookcase with no books in it? Plus you only need to lift up one end of it. I’ve moved plenty of bookcases unaided.
And consider Josh’s point about time. Why doesn’t he finish saying the word “bookcase”? Because Dirk zipped in and had the thing lifted up in less than 20 milliseconds?
I foresee additional stupidity to come, but I suppose that’s always the case where this strip is concerned.
Our bookcases are bolted to the wall, but do people in non-earthquake country do this?
Mr. O'MalleyDecember 7th, 2010 at 5:39 am [Reply]
@Sheila Sternwell (#80): Yeah, it’s very annoying. Sometimes things work and sometimes they don’t. You can’t tell which strips will load after 45 seconds and which will give you a 404. I bet it’s their advertising software that’s screwing everything up.
SF: Ted, Ted, that is not how you use the word “parameter”. A parameter is a value that is passed to a function. Unless you mean
XmasGift(FestiveSox)
XmasGift(Trip2Paris)
…
status XmasGift(gift) {
if (gift==FestiveSox)return (NoSexThisYear)
if (gift==Trip2Paris) return (URBankrupt)
}
Lockhorns: Funny idea
James_MurtonDecember 7th, 2010 at 5:59 am [Reply]
Pluggers can’t hold their liquor, and I don’t like the lasvicious look on that rhino-man’s face, as he adjusts his pot belly with both hands and informs me that had alcohol always made him feel as terrible as it does now, he certainly wouldn’t have been able to drink enough to develop this. God, some days this strip makes me want to cry.
Sgt SaundersDecember 7th, 2010 at 6:20 am [Reply]
Jill knows. Jill knows that marriages are made or broken at the invitation -selection stage, and even Almighty God would have nothing to do with anyone offering such bland and tedious invitations. Lack of good design has killed many a relationship, several of them Jill’s, so she knew this stylistically naive couple was doomed from the start. “Save the whoop-dee-do designs for your own wedding Jill”. The words are seared into her consciousness, as if the Great Jill would stoop so low. What a crock!
By the way, don’t overlook Mary’s crapped-her-pants expression in P1. Now that’s entertainment.
The RidgerDecember 7th, 2010 at 6:55 am [Reply]
@Sheila Sternwell (#80): Between the Seattle PI and AZ Central you can get everything.
John C FremontDecember 7th, 2010 at 7:08 am [Reply]
A3G – Iris becomes distracted by the unexpected appearance of her own finger.
MT – I don’t think that’s Mark’s finger that Kelly is looking at.
DT – Officer Freddie Mercury attemps the worst Ramones cover ever.
Luann – That must be one heavy-ass bookcase to have squashed Mrs. Degroot out Flat Stanley style.
whozitwhatzitDecember 7th, 2010 at 7:49 am [Reply]
FC: Grandma sure is crafty! She knows that Jeffy, with his youthful naïveté and general idiocy, will take the figure of speech literally and run blindly out the house, down the block, round the corner, and into the crime-ridden section of town where, if all goes well, he’ll be eviscerated by a gang of Not Mes and Ida Knows. And if all goes REALLY well, he’ll leave a trail of dotted lines for the other children to follow. Look at her smiling in the background, imagining the day when P.J. crawls out the door after his older siblings, never to be seen again. Oh, Granny Keane. You’re a crone after my own heart.
Mr O'MalleyDecember 7th, 2010 at 8:14 am [Reply]
@Poteet (#60): The European wildcat looks much like a domestic cat, but acts much differently. Hence the Scottish proverb “Touch not the cat bot [without] a glove”.
DNA studies show that cats were domesticated about the time that people started growing grain (9000 BC?). Cats came to prey on the rodents that were attracted by the grain. Cats basically domesticated themselves over a fairly short period (maybe 200 years).
Domestication happened only once, in the Middle East. All domestic cats are descended from this one incident.
There are still European wildcats, as opposed to feral domestic cats. It’s like wolves and dogs—they can look much the same but they act very differently.
Look into the Russian fox experiment and some old Nova programs for more information.
I’ve seen a theory that modern humans didn’t move into East Asia until dogs were domesticated because of the giant hyenas that were there. Although earlier hominids (“Java man”) did make it there. I don’t know enough to say anything further.
dreadedcandiru2December 7th, 2010 at 8:25 am [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#12): Which, of course, is why I’m talking about Evans jumping the shark in a solid gold Hummer.
dreadedcandiru2December 7th, 2010 at 8:30 am [Reply]
9CWL: Way to get your priorities straight there, Maria Susanna: “Let’s see; should I save my uncle’s marriage despite his not being a Creature of Pure Art or should I continue to go to first base with Amos? I’d better have sex; he doesn’t like the way any of us live our lives so the Hell with him.”
Little GuyDecember 7th, 2010 at 8:33 am [Reply]
Luann: Well, Lynn would never have let Anyone But Granthony (or Michael) do that.
MT: From the creator of the Jackelrod Ball, it’s the Kelly Vanity Balloon!
PBS: *punch*
Tales Calculated to Drive You SPIDEY! Bill Gaines approves.
PozzoDecember 7th, 2010 at 8:36 am [Reply]
MT: “What’s going on here? I don’t have time for this! I’ve gotta go back to the wall behind me and work on my Final Four brackets.”
John E.December 7th, 2010 at 8:51 am [Reply]
SM – Melvin, eh? Could it be that we’ve been reading this strip incorrectly and that he is actually the Mohel Man?
EllieDecember 7th, 2010 at 8:54 am [Reply]
@Poteet (#73): I’m pretty sure Adrian is going to be providing the hurling entertainment.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 7th, 2010 at 9:05 am [Reply]
Frazz: hee! a mild case of getting crap past the radar.
Lio: hee! Best Dad in the funnies!
Bizarro: it is OTC, and it’s called “bourbon.”
Blondie: mmmmm, biscuits and sausage gravy.
DT: I want to be sedated. . . .
Jumble: Baka Gaijin, OD ONT TAWN!!!!
PMP: oooo, sacrilege iz teh funneh!
R&R: d’awwwwwwwwww. nice shout-out to the classic.
RwO: wow. working at Pastis-levels for that pun.
standard oversnark disclaimer.
SnowshoecatDecember 7th, 2010 at 9:19 am [Reply]
Oh wise and influential CC, would you pleeeeze declare a day that we all raise an index finger (the essential part here) and smile sagely while saying “on the contrary” to everyone?
This could be the next finger quotin’ Margo!
BootdogDecember 7th, 2010 at 9:22 am [Reply]
Jill, that’s not a crock; that’s your hand. Speaking of your inability to distinguish your body parts from various housewares, thank you for the lovely pair of champagne coupes. Why don’t we swing by the hospital and see if you can get them reattached?
IanDecember 7th, 2010 at 9:24 am [Reply]
Wait, so Kelly *isn’t* the same person as Cherry? I suddenly have to re-evaluate years of Mark Trail storylines.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 7th, 2010 at 9:26 am [Reply]
@Poteet (#60): Poteet, o Queen of Fables, the “wildcat” is a currently popular football concept, basically bringing in a fast, multi-purpose player at the quarterback position, and running an option play. Often, the normal quarterback is positioned as a wide receiver, off on the side of the play where it’s safe.
excessive details available here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wildcat_formation
I'm Not DirkDecember 7th, 2010 at 9:32 am [Reply]
Luann: Ha ha. It’s funny because Nancy finally “fell” for Dirk.
Shawn S.December 7th, 2010 at 9:40 am [Reply]
You’re all missing the point of today’s Luann. Nancy DeGroot is knocked out under a bookcase! This instantly makes this strip a winner; physics be damned.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 7th, 2010 at 9:41 am [Reply]
@I’m Not Dirk (#100): *SNURK!*
well played!
GaryDecember 7th, 2010 at 9:56 am [Reply]
Maybe it’s just harmonic convergence that brought these 3 strips together on one day, but isn’t it fascinating how well Gil’s thought “They’ll be looking for the wildcat, but not this wildcat” could easily have been the words uttered by both Kelly and Jill without changing the meaning of either strip?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoDecember 7th, 2010 at 10:08 am [Reply]
convalescent puppeh.
otter sez whut?
I haz a lert. (4bb,u)
I haz teh kewt. (another corgsqui 4bb,u)
StoutHeartedDecember 7th, 2010 at 10:09 am [Reply]
If Kelly Welly and Mark Trail were to hook up, it would be in a sitcom featuring a loveable but clueless couple with Asperger syndrome who only pause from unintentionally getting into scrapes to burst out into Hulk-like rage at the sight of unruly facial hair.
LUJBEM FEJFDecember 7th, 2010 at 10:09 am [Reply]
BAKA Gaijin- Look away from the Jumble and everything will be alright. Go to your Happy Place.
sullyDecember 7th, 2010 at 10:12 am [Reply]
Our daily fish-wrap doesn’t run ‘Mark Trail’, thank god, but I do wonder in what year it is supposed to take place? Is that a rotary phone? The hair styles, clothes, vehicles and artwork suggest it is set in the 1950’s. Is it?
Illustrator SteveDecember 7th, 2010 at 10:44 am [Reply]
Every now and then you see an article in the news about someone who received a postcard or letter that had originally been mailed decades ago and was somehow misplaced in the Post Office mailing system before eventually being delivered to the recipient. Sometimes more than fifty years later. This could explain a lot of questions we all have about the Mark Trail comic strip. Dodd and Elrod must have submitted their entire Mark Trail series of stories by mailing one huge parcel post package to their publisher. But unfortunatly the parcel wasn’t delivered to the publisher’s office until many-many decades later!
So….based on the fact this garbage was written, drawn and submitted long, long ago in a century from the past millenium far, far away, suddenly everything about this stupid comic strip makes total sense!
(NOTE: This comment was written in the year 2634 and submitted to the Comics Curmudgeon VIA an very slow email service. Yes, some things NEVER change!).
Zort The MightyDecember 7th, 2010 at 10:47 am [Reply]
After flailing drunkenly around and falling head-first into a warming tray of beige meatloaf, Jill’s minor facial burns will inspire her to become The Phantom Of The Reception Hall, ruining all future weddings with the bevy of chandeliers at her disposal. Bet on it.
The Divine O'FDecember 7th, 2010 at 11:00 am [Reply]
The last panel of today’s MT: LOLOLOLOLOL! Really, this is maybe the funniest panel I’ve EVER seen anywhere.
DanDecember 7th, 2010 at 11:48 am [Reply]
Good Lord! Whatever you do, don’t ever, ever do a Google Image search for “rub raw meat all over their jock straps.” For the love of God, don’t do it!
teenchyDecember 7th, 2010 at 2:01 pm [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#30):To be honest, none of the Funky Winkerbean characters really deserve happiness. Les finally has success: his book becomes a national phenomenon. And what does he do? He treats his fans like dirt.
I imagine the climatic lead-up to this involves nothing special. It would be great if it was all a dream or Les is shot dead by a crazed fan.
Greater still: if Masky McDeath comes for Les but does not take him to Lisa.
SequiturDecember 7th, 2010 at 2:54 pm [Reply]
Meanwhile, on the penguin front…
I did not know penguins were like cats.
The RidgerDecember 7th, 2010 at 7:24 pm [Reply]
I’m not sure what’s canon here: the black-and-white line drawings in the paper or the colored ones on the web. Because in the print edition it looks very much like Mark’s coming out of the bathroom still wet to greet Matt, but in the online version it looks like Kelly actually went into the bathroom to say Hi to Mark. And it’s not like one of those is intrinsically more plausible, since no actual person would do either of them. (Sure, Kelly might have gone to join Mark, but why would she have sat down, waiting, and answered the phone first?)
Oh well, guess I’ll find out in a day or so…
The RidgerDecember 7th, 2010 at 7:27 pm [Reply]
Wait a minute. Les is back (still) in Houston? What was that Today show thing? A fleeting fantasy? Strips out of order? Delirium? Nobody who’s in a book store with empty folding chairs like this would be on Today. That must have been a Houston knock-off, desperate for some new face.
MargaretDecember 7th, 2010 at 11:24 pm [Reply]
Also, no one has EVER ever ever said “marriages are made in heaven”. The phrase is “a match made in heaven”. And it is not meant to be taken literally, in most cases.
ShawnDecember 8th, 2010 at 3:44 pm [Reply]
Am I the only one who thought that the shadow caused by Dirk in an otherwise non-dramatically-lit room was initially a spreading pool of Mrs. DeGroot’s blood? Am I the only one who was disappointed to figure this out?
FraserDecember 8th, 2010 at 5:12 pm [Reply]
If somebody pulled the “God has brought together” line at my wedding, I’d be hitting the wine too. No, wait, I’d be hitting the vodka. Jill is such a fucking light weight.
Another KiwiDecember 8th, 2010 at 6:39 pm [Reply]
Look at the MW panels again and work out the POV of the artist. I think that a lot of time has passed by here. Scott has disappeared from the picture and Adrian has moved around to be closer to be with the Man She Really loves, Jeff. The people that he believes that God has brought together are him and Adrian. Scott is cartwheeling out of the building off to the nearest Strip Club
BluedotDecember 8th, 2010 at 6:45 pm [Reply]
I adore Mary’s look of misgiving in Panel 1 when she realizes that the burnt orange and lavender that she requires her subjects to wear didn’t provide the counterpoint she’d hoped for to the lime green and baby pink ballroom. The crystal chandelier/drop-ceiling combo, however: to die for.
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