"'Script Westview' is also known by another name: 'Comic Sans Happiness.'" --Mibbitmaker
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I know this is a superhero comic, where heroes and villains typically engage in expository banter in mid-battle, and science is routinely ignored when not actively being laughed at. Still, everything about Morbius’s little soliloquy irritates me. I mean, the guy went through some quasi-scientific metamorphosis that made him an actual vampire (a “living vampire,” he calls himself, which, I can’t even deal with that right now) and apparently lightened his bones, but … he can’t fly? I mean, why stop short of flight? Too unrealistic? Or, worse, do the writers think they’re being somehow more accurate to bat anatomy and locomotion? Because, you know, bats really are the only mammals that actually fly. Morbius didn’t get his powers from experiments with flying squirrels, did he? I don’t know why I expect any such attention to detail from a strip that routinely describes spiders as insects, but it still galls me.
Hi and Lois, 3/21/11
Well, Trixie, it’s because your dad’s bowling has less to do with “bowling” and more with “not spending time with his family, because you’re all unbearable.” I’d make some joke about how Hi is having a secret affair, but it’s more likely he just goes to a bar and drinks in blessed silence for most of the evening.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/21/11
Man, that bird looks awfully pleased with itself. “Yeah, I totally crapped on that hillbilly lady’s head! I’m pretty cool.”
Ziggy, 3/21/11
Ziggy’s undereye bags really sell the joke here. Ha ha, Ziggy finds his poverty to be exhausting and emotionally taxing! That’s the joke, right?
This entry was posted on Monday, March 21, 2011 at 09:17 am and is filed under Barney Google & Snuffy Smith, Hi and Lois, Spider-Man, Ziggy. | 255 responses to “Josh’s expectations are too high” Maggie the CatMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]
I’m trying to figure out how Ziggy can grip the gas pump nozzle with those stubby, 1/2″ digits of his.
NekrotzarMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
Today is an exciting day for comics fans, as Mort Walker and Co. reveal the results of the repair work on which they spend all Saturday, and so, with breathless anticipation comparable to that which surrounded the announcement of the iPad2, we wait and wonder: will they modernize the setting? Introduce new compelling characters? Refurbish the artwork? Or simply revitialize their committment to giving us the finest armed-forces related humor to be found anywhere in the — they did another “Beetle is lazy” gag. Never mind.
anonymousMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]
never mind that!
9 Chickweed Lane: This can go two ways. 1) Edda is bemused/contemptuous/titillated/amused and she and Amos will watch from a safe distance as this storyline plays out or 2) goes apeshit and plays the “why did you pick her to have hetero sex with, and not meeeeeee” card, the hideous Amos notwithstanding.
nescioMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:28 am [Reply]
After years of living with Marvin, I’m surprised the whole family hasn’t lost its sense of smell as a survival mechanism.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]
preview prevents post jumpage! Here, have some lol-snark and some squee!
Dingo’s book shelves. (PG-13, NSFW)
ahhh, innocent subtext. (mildly naughty.)
starting the day in a foxy way.
epic corgsqui.
But What Do I Know?March 21st, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]
MW — No, I’m not going to text at all today–just sit in my room and hug my teddy bear for eighteen hours. . .
JP — A teenager, coming home from school sullen and strangely detached? What a shock! Judging by the actions of my own spawn, Sullen and Strangely Detached are their last two classes of the day!
BTW, what happened to Constance and the Jazzman?
Scott BotMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]
Pluggers – Oh, Plugger Lady, I humbly thank you for giving us the wisdom of your years. Without you, I would be lost in the woods, not knowing the simple joys of reading a book. So wise! So profound! So…true.
Now give me that book so I can smack you upside the head with it for being so damned corny.
zenveloMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]
Geez, Ziggy, you can’t even get the easy jokes right. Gallons take just as long as ever to pump. It’s “I can only afford $5 of gasoline, I wonder if i can make it the next block.”
OregonianMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:39 am [Reply]
March 2011 is going to set some kind of record for “most appearances of Loweezy in Comics Curmudgeon.” Josh, are you just taunting us with the wattle-scrotum-thingy?
ClampsMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]
Ziggy knows that if he pumps more than $5, he won’t have the $20 he owes his bookie.
Looks like someone’s getting his stumpy legs broke.
AustriaMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:42 am [Reply]
BC: No, no, no, no, no. Magical rainbow-colored ponies are the ones that change the seasons. Get it right! He’s not even part of the Animal team.
Curtis: Oh my gosh that teddy bear is the best thing ever.
FW: I’ll say this about Funky Winkerbean: It’s painfully accurate in its portrayal of teenage cruelty.
Jumble: Holy crud, I thought that robot looked strangely familiar…
Luann: Hate hate hate hate hate…but Luann kinda looks like Pac-Man in the second panel. The comic’s bearable if you imagine all her dialogue to be “WAKA WAKA WAKA WAKA WAKA”
Zits: At first I was going to be like “No WAY a teenager would be telling another teenager not to text at stoplights” but then I remembered this is Hector we’re talking about, and Hector has proven himself time and time again to be smarter than the average bear. Carry on!
Just Call Me EMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:45 am [Reply]
Some fast basset squee for queek!
MibbitmakerMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:45 am [Reply]
DT: Well, speak of the devil!
FC: Later on in time, she’ll ask the same thing about Grandma herself.
FW: Instant Lockhorns!
GA: Her third speech balloon goes for reading this strip, too! (in its current era)
JP: Narration rewrite: “When Sophie gets home from school, she’s a teenager.”
schmeerpMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:45 am [Reply]
Hasn’t the author of Ziggy ever heard of prepaying at the pump?
Zits- Hector looks like Jeremy’s mother. Were jeremy and Hector switched at birth?
Pluggers- is Mary Worth a plugger?
ShrugMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]
reFOOB: As if I didn’t already have enough reasons to dislike Elly, today we learn she hangs the toilet paper roll The Wrong Way.
TheDivaMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:47 am [Reply]
SM: Dr. Morbius’ dialogue supplied by Brooke McEldowney.
C’shaft: And now the truth comes out: Crankshaft is an asshole because there’s only room in his head for one idea at a time, so he doesn’t have the mental capacity to show common courtesy to others.
DT: Ah, I knew the streak of relatively coherent dialogue couldn’t last.
FW: Ha-ha! It’ll be just like The Lockhorns, only even more joyless and hateful. (Do they draw to decide which one of them will face a tragically early death by cancer, leaving the other emotionally and financially devastated?)
GT: Wait a minute…*gets her Bible* Well I’ll be, here it is, Matthew 7:20: “And if you have an argument with your neighbor, take it out on him on the court, that your game might be awesome.” Learn something new every day.
MW: Oh great, it’s “Tell Everyone What We Learned And How Much Better We Are For It” week. Wake me when the next pool party starts.
Pluggers: But a Kindle in the hand is worth five books in your carry-on bag.
Esther BlodgettMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]
@Just Call Me E (#12): Slo-mo Basset! Yay!! *clapz wildly*
Doctor HandsomeMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]
I’m trying to picture a scenario where an English-speaking human being says, “I’m off to bowling,” instead of, “I’m off to the bowling alley,” or, “Hey, I’m going bowling now.” I’m coming up empty.
spikeMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]
@anonymous (#3): [W/ apologies to Everyone] Door Number 2, please, Monty!!!
MibbitmakerMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]
Popeye: Uh-oh, this next one’s gonna be preeeeeeeeachyyyyyyyyyyy!
RMMD: The lesson of this storyline is….. winning the lottery SUCKS!
S4th: Well, they could throw acorns on your head from trees and wisecrack about it, if that helps….
Crank: Gee, I didn’t hate that one! The usual “what’s wrong with him” “takes” are still annoying, though.
Sh’s Lgn: Okay, no federal arts funding for him!
Zits: The More You Know (rainbow graphic), CBS Cares (Ferguson prayer-hands)!
John Small BerriesMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]
I hate to say it, but Snuffy Smith was actually educational today; I had no idea that robins were monochromatic. You’d think Mark Trail could have mentioned this…
Scott BotMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]
GT – Now what’s gonna happen when they find out Parker didn’t actually start that website, but was merely too stupid to even deny it properly?
JP – Not only has Sophie come home sullen and strangely detached, she also seems to have aged about five years since we last saw her.
MT – Considering how anachronistic this strip tends to be, I’m somewhat surprised that the plane isn’t an old Curtis Jenny that just starts when you spin the propeller by hand.
Ziggy – Essentially, this is just a 2011 version of the ‘the price readout goes faster than the gallons readout’ joke. I seem to recall first hearing that about 1979 or so during the second energy crisis. And it wasn’t that funny then.
AndrewMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
So Ziggy is in a never ending death loop of only buying one gallon of gas so he can go home and then come back the next day and buy another gallon and repeat over and over.
Comcis FanMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]
MW: Are they seriously going into a fifth week of the evils-of-the-Internets storyline? And I use the terms “evils” and “storyline” quite loosely, given that nothing has happened other than a woman-child of indeterminate age getting circles under her eyes from spending too much time online and then being cured by flying kites with her handsy, sandwich-addled father.
Zits: I’m sorry, I can’t look at Hector’s new hairstyle without conjuring a quite obscene image involving Connie Duncan and Hector. Therefore, I can’t look at Hector’s new hairstyle.
Esther BlodgettMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]
FW: Wait, sharp but still funny dialogue about high-school social classes? It’ll never catch on, I tell ya.
BB: It’s funny because…uh, Asians have slanted eyes and yellow skin, if I’m reading this correctly.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]
Spider-Man Morbius the Living Flying Squirrel — What happens in Frostbite Falls, stays in Frostbite Falls!
Doctor HandsomeMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]
When you’re 20 feet above the sidewalk in Manhattan, is trying to hang-glide upwards to an elevation where the guy who web-swings from skyscrapers can’t reach you that solid of a plan?
The WazMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:14 am [Reply]
Josh,
Minor typo in your comment.
<>
should be your.
March 21st, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]
@Just Call Me E (#12): wrinklesquee!
The WazMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]
Next time, preview, dammit (that’s to me, not you).
Well, Trixie, it’s because you dad’s bowling
Should be your.
Feel free to kill the last one.
Esther BlodgettMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:18 am [Reply]
RMMD: Tell him about the job offer, June!
S-M: It’s gotta be embarrassing to lose to a villain whose superpowers are low bone density and “swooping.”
MG&G: Silly. I laughed.
Pluggers: It took Mary Worth an entire week to articulate her preference for the look and feel of books over e-readers. Old Lady Plugger here sums up the entire issue in four words: Books good, Kindle bad. Another triumph of folksy, homepun wisdom over high-falutin intellectuals with their gated communities and their pearls.
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]
S-M: “I can swoop up out of your reach,” he said from two feet away.
SSmith: Low’eezy’s headscarf is made out of black rubber, the same texture as a bicycle horn. Easy to hose off.
6C: If we’re talking about green porkchops, then there’s a pretty good chance that yeah, it would.
Phantom: “Oh man, I thought I was in solitary. Who farted?”
GT: I’ve grown to love Cortez the hard-charging Christian. I hope he and Lini have at least another year of “together they fight crime” adventures.
MT: Cue the wah-wah guitars as Mark sends Senora Momjeans off to “persuade” Otto. See the wickedness that growing your stubble leads to?
Jumble: I’m stumped. “Hanna-Barbera lawsuit” doesn’t fit.
Agnes: Today in “The Steampunk Adventures of Agnes” our heroine commences converting her grandmother’s mobile home into a Forlanini airship.
JP: Sophie looks like a grade-schooler from the back and a 25-year-old from the front. We’re apparently viewing the scene in Sexual Predator vision.
RMMD: Rex’s bored non-reaction to the topless bar story has to be the least surprising thing in the history of ever.
Blondie: Dali’s son was never acknowledged by his father and went to a third-string art college in Nebraska. He has some issues to work out.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]
Curtis/Mary Worth — Knut is dead at the tender age of four… and yet, these two teddy bears continue to “live” on. No justice, I tells ya!
Red GreenbackMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]
Ziggy’s reflexes are slow because he’s wearing pants. Why is Ziggy wearing pants?
“Light bones and gliders” sounds like British cuisine.
Please let me know if I’m mistaken, but isn’t the politically correct term for bird shit “number three”?
Hi can only afford to bowl one frame.
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#25):
FW: Wait, sharp but still funny dialogue about high-school social classes? It’ll never catch on, I tell ya.
Looking at the girl’s ironed waist-length hair, I have to wonder if this is a stealth rerun from the strip’s early years.
PatrickMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:41 am [Reply]
Maybe Hi just finds the black carpeting in the living room a little too depressing, night after night.
AnonymousMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]
I want to know which emo kid gets to colour Hi and Lois. Not only are the hearts in that strip coloured black, but Hi appears to be leaving to enter a black hole; probably to escape the world’s most depressing carpet.
JDMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:45 am [Reply]
Oops, that got posted as anonymous. That was me. I’m not a disgruntled W-BAHI employee.
Effluvius ErratusMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]
SlyFox: To utilize his sense of smell and sniff his way back to the surface?
wandersMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]
MW: My, my, my, how these young people speak these days. One can barely understand what they’re saying with all their hipster non-specific adjectives, and über-cool, yet unnecessarily redundant, exposition.
pugfugglyMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]
SM: Morbius shouldn’t go for too much height, though: if his bones (and presumably muscles and organs) are really light enough for him to glide around on those puny little underarm flaps, he’ll probably get caught in an updraft and get carried off towards New Jersey. Actually, I think that would be a great way to end this storyline: Morbius floats away like a plastic bag in the wind, cursing his anatomy until he is no longer audible to our hero on the ground, who gets bored, goes home and catches the last half of Maury .
PozzoMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]
“I am far more than merely quick.” Yeah, Morbius, thanks for the update on your premature ejaculation problem.
JasperMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]
No Trixie, daddy’s not going bowling, he’s moonlighting as a trashman to get enough money to get back the furniture that was repossessed, and perhaps some decent carpeting instead of that black painted flooring.
LUJBEM FEJFMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]
SS- They call that thar hillbilly hair conditioner. Except Loweezy’s burka doesn’t really make her hair a priority. And who knew they knew how to “tweet” in Hootin’ Holler?
S. StoutMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]
SM:This is less about Morbius being a hang-gliding goth and more about Spider-Man being an inept superhero.
Luann:Hurry up and get to the pageant, we all know Mrs. Teacher is going to win anyways. …Where is Dirk when you need him?
H&L: It concerns me that Hi & Lois have a completely black carpet for their living room, with no furniture around their TV.
UnknownEricMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]
S-M: “Uh-oh, he’s going for height! Whereas I usually go for width! Damn you geometry!”
IconoclastMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]
Strange. I always thought that robins were small birds with brown wings and orange bellies. It turns out they’re actually ugly gray things the size of a hillbilly’s head. Guess I should’ve taken a zoology class after all.
Old School Allie CatMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]
MW – Dawn’s bear looks a little too much like Wilbur for my liking. But very much enough like Wilbur for Dawn’s liking.
GT – I may need to take up basketball for the express purpose of “accidentally” elbowing people to the face, because that looked hella fun.
9CL – Edda, quit showing your ass and go back to bed.
Cooler KingMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]
H&L: Because he doesn’t want to play in a group where 3/4 of the members are kids and dogs who are so depressed that they can’t even look at him, and the other 1/4 is too stupid to tell the difference between bowling and baseball.
Hi could pick out the most rundown bowling alley in the saddest part of Westview (hang a left at Keesterman’s mailbox, pass Toxic Taco and head towards the asbestos plant till you feel all hope and goodness fade from existence… if you pass the Phantom of the Opera you’ve gone too far) – and STILL be in better company than this lot.
LiamMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:29 am [Reply]
Pearls Before Swine-I always knew that Rat was cruel but this takes it to a new level. Pig, if someone throws you under a bus they might be trying to tell you something.
LiamMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:29 am [Reply]
Sally Forth-I am surprised there is no follow up to Saturday’s comic.
commodorejohnMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]
A3G – So yeah, Iris is going to take a transcontinental hobo as her date to Tommie’s play. I can only hope that this culminates in Tommie staring slack-jawed while the other members of Blaze’s troupe try to get her to focus on her part. “My God,” she’ll mutter. “His beard…it just goes on forever.”
DT – What’s with the twitchy face and jazz hands? Is she suffering from Ted Forth Syndrome?
FW – Wait, what? They’re going to draw the names of random classmates and then be forced to pretend they’re married to them? Is this an actual thing, or is it something like “solo car date” that exists only in the spongy, feverous nook of Batiuk’s brain that contains his non-observations about the behavior of anybody under 30?
JP – Yep, jumped another age category. Also, back to the “Sophie is inexplicably moody” plotline, so everybody get your “man, Sophie is totally pregnant” jokes ready.
Lola – Note to self: Zits can’t say “sucks,” but gynecology jokes are A-okay! …oh dear God, nobody tell Brooke. For the love of all that is holy, NOBODY TELL BROOKE.
Love Is… – If you’re going to keep doing ass shots, would it kill you to learn how to draw one?
Luann – Are we still doing this storyline? Why?
MT – Lonnie knows that it’s down the block, not across the street. Or maybe she just forgot to pick up whatever it is she’s supposed to be paring.
MW – Okay, seriously, how the hell old is Dawn? This is reminding me of nothing so much as that Bloom County storyline where Opus visits Michael Jackson, only without so much as a trace of irony.
Phantom – “God dammit, are they cooking fish in the guards’ break room again?”
Popeye – Well, time for another neck-breakingly abrupt non-ending to a pointless, meandering Popeye storyline, and the introduction of another plot that won’t go anywhere, do anything, or be interesting!
RMMD – Jut those breasts, June!
Edison Lee – Here, I’ll save you a week of pointless, unfunny bullshit: break the fucking jar.
Not Just Any DipstickMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:34 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#5): AAaaaahhhh. Now we know that a ‘Hover Corgi’ is really a mis-spelling of ‘Hoover’. Shoulda’ known.
CalicoMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]
So, instead of joining the ranks of the 21st century and completing her schoolwork, Dawn lies on her bed all weekend, talking to her Teddy. Isn’t she supposed to be 20 or so, not 12?
All we need to see now is her kitty stewpot shirt, a pack of Sillybandz, and a Robert Pattinson poster to make the regressive picture complete.
March 21st, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]
Am I seriously the only one completely baffled that Hi and Lois correctly and accurately depicted a real video game console the really has a well-known bowling game? The Wii even has that plastic disc thing under the base to keep it from falling over! Its like a newspaper comic that is being written by human beings who live in some sort of not-cave and are also younger than 60.
CalicoMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#52):
3G – It’s Leland Sklar, taking a much-needed break from his busy schedule.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leland_Sklar
March 21st, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]
@Reepicheep-chan (#55): Hi & Lois is actually pretty cutting-edge by legacy-strip terms, considering that Lois has a job, Chip listens to music newer than Bill Haley and the Comets, and yes, the kids play video games on something more recent than an Atari 2600. I have no idea why it’s only this strip and none of the other Walker productions that gets the half-an-ass of attention to detail, but there you go.
MacMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]
There is a poop joke. In Barney Google and Snuffy Smith. Thanks for sharing, Josh, I wasn’t using my soul much anyway.
Jim NorthMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]
@Reepicheep-chan (#55): I was a little surprised, yes, but then I remembered that the Wii has been out for nearly five years now, time enough for the creators of Hi & Lois to have learned about it, seen one, and decided to make a joke about one of the system’s launch games. The time window is still a bit small, however, for being quite that realistic, so I will give them credit there for being relatively Johnny-on-the-spot.
Not Just Any DipstickMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]
@Mac (#58): And it even has a double meaning. I almost, repeat, almost, felt like there was a moment when a slight hint of something approaching a giggle happened.
Jim NorthMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]
9CL: Oh good. Now things are going to get even smarmier.
Curtis: Bwahaha, little does Curtis know that I switched his cologne with a slow-acting acid! Look! See how his flesh is already beginning the gradual process of sublimating straight off his bones!
DT: Every time someone mentions Fly-Face, Lizz just has to bust out into the Thriller dance. Damn those hack stage hypnotists! She never should have volunteered!
FC: It would appear the Dolly clones don’t retain the memories of their predecessors. Though I suppose at least some memory degradation is inevitable when you’ve been pulling ‘em out of the vats for so many decades.
FW: Cody, meet your Lisa. Mallory, meet your Les. It doesn’t get any better from here.
GT: The Bible must be a little fuzzy on the subject of sucker punches.
HtH: I watched How to Train Your Dragon for the first time yesterday. The bar for awesomeness in fictional vikings has been significantly raised for me, so reading Hagar the Horrible today is . . . well, it’s just extra depressing, that’s all.
JP: Y’know, I remember my growing pains pretty well. I’m 6′3″ now and most of it is in my legs, so my shins were just massive splinters of pain a lot of the time when I was a kid. Still, that can’t be anything compared to how Sophie has apparently aged from 13 to 25 in the space of an in-comic week. No wonder she’s so surly. That’s gotta smart like hell.
Heck, come to think of it, this sudden growth spurt syndrome may be why Constance has been acting a little weird, too, what with the sounding so sophisticated one minute and then trying to buy people off with baseball cards the next. She was probably still in her pre-teens just the day before she first waltzed into Judge Parker’s life.
MW: Well, you have to give this to Mary Worth: It’s determined. Since it’s hopped the pedo-pandering train, it hasn’t stopped for any-damn-thing. And the worst part is, I can’t stop staring at Dawn’s legs. Of course, this may be simply because they’re the only things in today’s strip drawn worth a damn. Which frankly worries me a little.
Pluggers of the Future like to read their ebooks on book-shaped computers, just like Penny from Inspector Gadget!
R=R: What? “Latest arrivals in the cereal aisle”? What? Oh, well. At least this gives me the chance to bitch about something somewhat related. Does Wal-Mart just not sell Basic 4 anymore? Or did they stop making it so I can only find the remnants of the Basic 4 stock at other grocery stores? I want my Basic 4, gaaaaaahdammit!
SF: WHAT HAPPENED TO BUCKY’S DOOOOO- I MEAN, SALLY’S JOOOOOOURNAAAAAAAAAL?!
Maggie the CatMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]
I just have to share… the redheaded girl in the “snorgtees” ads disturbs me greatly.
UncleJeffMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]
Phantom: Chatu woke up in the middle of the night to the smell of pie.
Apple pie. Just like Mama Python used to make.
Chatu ran to his cell door…only to be hit with thousands of volts of electricity from the wires that The Ghost Who Knows Hook Ups had connected from the nearby power line to the maximum security block.
Outside Boomsby Prison, The Phantom smirks.
March 21st, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]
@UncleJeff (#63): near Boomsby Prison, the mighty Prison, the Phantom smirks tonight.
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
(A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh*
*in the Bandar tongue
Jim NorthMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]
@UncleJeff (#63): Heh, that just made me imagine the Phantom standing on the prison cot while Chatu flops around in a puddle of electrified toilet water.
“Hmm. Never disposed of sewage with a toilet before,” the Phantom murmured, pleased with his handiwork. “Obvious, really.”
Pseudo3DMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:09 pm [Reply]
I’ve been missing snark for the last couple of days…
9CL – Geez, what a creep.
FC – Wait, hasn’t FC been around since the 1960s? This is kinda weird.
FW – The chance of getting the “wrong orientation” is pretty high here.
GT – Wait, the storyline isn’t over?
OregonianMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:10 pm [Reply]
Spidey/Snuffy Crossover…
Morbius: “There are a couple of ways I can defeat you, webslinger! Going for HEIGHT is number one….” (SPLAT!!) “…and that’s number two!!”
Tater: “Hee, hee, hee!”
bats :[March 21st, 2011 at 12:10 pm [Reply]
GO, JOSH. I agree with you completely on your “LOOK, I’M A VAMPIRE BAT! (even if I can’t fly really)” criticism. There are plenty of other mammals who do not have exhibit true flight, but can glide pretty darn well. I guess that Rocky the Flying Squirrel was already taken, and a character like Sidney the Sugar Glider wouldn’t be so much terrifying as just so cute! (although he could have a cool Aussie accent…)
I swear that CdS with Alice and her pangolins knows more about real biology. Yep, even Mark Trail…
March 21st, 2011 at 12:13 pm [Reply]
SS: Good to see Ross Perot finding work in the funny pages, albeit playing a baby in a hillbilly comic.
NosytMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]
The Pedantic Spider-Man:
“Uh-oh! He’s going for height! Dang, If only I had some sort of instant, super-sticky, netting that shot from my wrist to stop him from flying! That would be pretty neat. I should really look into that…”
March 21st, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#68): *squeeees*
“g’dai!”
teenchyMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]
@schmeerp (#14): Hasn’t the author of Ziggy ever heard of prepaying at the pump?…. Pluggers- is Mary Worth a plugger?
Maybe Ziggy is a Plugger!
9CL: Why is Edda wearing reading glasses? Does ballet create a lot of eyestrain, or does all that hand jiving make you go blind?
Jim NorthMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#68): Because I couldn’t quite remember the specific flight capabilities of the comic book version of Morbius, I decided to do a little research. Apparently, his flight is psionically enabled. I guess it’s like some low-level form of telekinesis, but just like his comic strip counterpart here, he can only glide, not achieve true flight.
This doesn’t really explain things, of course, since bats can fly via the normal method and don’t have any psionics whatsoever. I guess it’s just one more thing to be baffled at.
@Nosyt (#70): The only place I’ve seen supposed superheroes forget how their own powers work more often was in Heroes. In fact, it’s probably only my memories of just how awful Heroes was in comparison that allow me to keep reading Spider-Man with only a minimum of soul-crushing depression.
@teenchy (#72): She has to keep them on just in case another chance for some crass commercialism comes along.
Little GuyMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]
Friday StripeyPants: Narrator is the Rhetorical Guy from the GEICO commercials.
Today’s StripeyPants: LibertyBellMarch.wav
PoteetMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#41): BWAHAHA!
boojumMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#5): Pretty sure that on Dingo’s shelves there would be, uh, less space for books….
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]
@Jim North (#73): Oh God! You mentioned Heroes! Now my brain is going to start replaying all the old rants about stupid, immature writers ruining what, in some capable hands (I’m looking at you Whedon) could have been a brilliant series, but which just went bat-shit insane, made no sense, and in which a genetic mutation allowed one of the characters to survive being blown up by a God-damned atomic bomb! There! You see? It’s starting. Already my brain is starting. And it’s going to go on for the rest of the day! Damn you, Jim North!
PoteetMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]
S-M — Josh has already snarked on the biological illiteracy in this strip, so I don’t have to. (Thanks, Josh!)
But I do wonder about the wedding. I thought most grooms were at least somewhat involved in the planning these days. I can’t believe Morbius’s fiancee is going to appreciate him having fun hurling taunts at Spidey and cavorting about in the sky while she’s stuck with arguing with the caterer and selecting flower arrangements.
Mark BMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]
If Ziggy just prepaid for his gas, as most service stations require nowadays, he wouldn’t have to cut off the flow manually. The pump would stop the minute he rolled up to the prepay amount.
captainswiftMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]
Maybe it’s because the Hi & Lois family don’t actually own a Wii, and the kids are just swinging sticks of butter at the TV and yelling “Stee-rike!”?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:46 pm [Reply]
the concept of shoot & scoot taken a bit too literally.
Walker of DogMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:47 pm [Reply]
MT: “Fly-face!… No, wait, my bad. It’s just Dick wearing his beard of bees again… Freak.”
GT: I am transfixed by Cortez’s fist-ball. Eight – no, nine fingers? And so many fingernails…
MT: Lonnie needs blood to conjure up the airplane-key-finding spell, so she is slicing open her vein. Mark appreciates her help, but he will have to burn her later.
MW: Dawn uses an old teddy bear to soak up her recent epiphany.
Phan: Chatu the Wambesi, hardened criminal and drama queen, is getting the vapors.
Jim NorthMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#77): And thus am I revealed as the villain of Comics Curmudgeon. Muahahahahaha!!!
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]
@Jim North (#83): Seriously! And what the hell did the cheerleader have anything to do with it? “Save the cheerleader, save the world” my ass! The writers were complete morons.
I think they’re doing Criminal Minds: Suspect Behaviour now.
Mark BMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:54 pm [Reply]
Since birds only have one waste orifice (the cloaca), and both liquids and solids come out the same opening, there’s no number 1 or number 2. It’s just as well, since birds can’t count.
CalicoMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (#62):
I agree.
I think I mentioned earlier that she looks like a meth head who never gets outdoors. Sorry, ad girl, just an observation.
March 21st, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]
@Oregonian (#67): COTW!
Big Nate: Okay, help me out here: You’ve got a kid who runs a clique and tells you to quit hanging out with your friends because they’re losers. Is this kid really going to be culturally sensitive enough to use words like “Latino”?
Joe, the Upper-Evergreen GuyMarch 21st, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]
@Shrug (#15):
That, and SmElly also has a portrait of Farely right above the toliet!!
March 21st, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]
RMMD: Dr. Morgan, nobody reads this strip to see your stupid arm. Please, remember your blocking.
S-M: Morbuis’s combination of fully developed musculature and hollow bird bones have made him a walking, gliding stress fracture. How does he get health insurance?
H&L: “I’m off to Bowling.” Green? Kentucky? Have a nice trip, and be sure to visit their Museum of Depressing Flooring.
Plug: Pluggers find books more cost-effective than a Kindle. They come in handy when their listing mobile homes need shoring up.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]
@Iconoclast (#47):
That’s because Snuffy Smith takes place in a post-apocalyptic future where radiation has caused widespread genetic mutations. Those “ugly gray things the size of a hillbilly’s head” aren’t robins — they’re SPARROWS. And the “baby” is actually Loweezy’s husband, Snuffy Smith, SENIOR!
Mark BMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:02 pm [Reply]
@schmeerp (#14): There’s a reason why Hector looks like Jeremy’s mother. The artist who draws Zits can only draw about 3 different faces, and differentiates them by adding or removing hair. It’s like that toy you had as a kid where you could use a magnet to move iron filings around to draw different characters. Zits is actually created using Wooly Willy.
Mark BMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#91): Wooly Willy
Vince MMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#81): Geez, who created that, Bruce McCall?
Maria de OroMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:13 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#52):
When Dawn first made her appearance in Mary Worth, she was supposed to be 15, overweight and shy, having problems at home with her mom, so mom shipped her off to live with Daddy Wilbur. That was about 25 years ago.
Chyron HRMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:15 pm [Reply]
@Maria de Oro (#94): That was about 25 years ago.
Almost three months in strip time!
Trey Le ParcMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:16 pm [Reply]
Ziggy: Ziggy looks like he was assembled of turds.
bbofunMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:16 pm [Reply]
FW- The girl isn’t really pissed at being chosen by the dweeb (he must be an unpopular kid, he’s wearing glasses!). She just knows that as the wife, she’ll have to get cancer.
JP-Place yer bets! WHY is Sophie sullen? Is it-
A)She’s “becoming a woman” (and won’t it be fun to see how THAT’S gonna be handled)?
B) A boy she likes doesn’t like her?
C) She’s being bullied? (That would be trendy!)
D) She’s being cyber-bullied? (Beaten to the punch by GIL THORPE? Shame!)
E) She was facebook (faceplace? MyFace?) friends with Dawn, who’s decided to take Saturdays off from the computer?
F) She’s pissed at the conclusion of the whole “Constance/Angel” storyline?
RMMD- At first glance, I thought Rex was reaching for the phone as he was saying “…Every yahoo with a scam will be calling!” Now I wish he was.
Maggie the CatMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:27 pm [Reply]
Is today’s Ziggy just a play on the fact that Ziggy can’t cut off his flow at will, gas pump or otherwise?
terrapinMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]
@Comcis Fan (#24): “Handsy, sandwich addled father” should be on a T-shirt.
Effluvius ErratusMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]
@Iconoclast (#47): You’re forgetting that Hootin’ Holler is just downwind from Oak Ridge, Tennessee.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:31 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#91): I had a Wooly Willy when I was a kid. It was a simple toy, but the fun lasted for minutes.
BigTedMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:34 pm [Reply]
So now Spidey can’t conquer a villain whose bones are as light (and presumably as breakable) as your average sparrow’s? Aunt May could probably take him out with a single roundhouse to the jaw.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:34 pm [Reply]
@Red Greenback (#34):
Ziggy’s reflexes are slow because he’s wearing pants. Why is Ziggy wearing pants?
He may not be wearing pants. He may be wearing shoes. The real question is, “Why is Ziggy?”
bats :[March 21st, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#101): if that long.
SwordsmithMarch 21st, 2011 at 1:56 pm [Reply]
Zits: I’m on Hector’s side here, no, it isn’t legal (at least in states where it’s illegal to text and drive). However, it’s much more reasonable than doing it while the car is moving. I don’t see any way the impending accident can be blamed on “stupid teenager who can’t stop texting because teenagers are irresponsible and stupid” even though clearly Scott and Borgman (and Mary) would like me to.
S4th: A strong rejoinder to the MW script. No, time spent outdoors doesn’t cure an internet addiction. As a bonus, non-wacky squirrels; MT should do a Sunday on them!
Agnes: First the 1890’s bellhop outfit, and now goggles. Is this strip going Steampunk? Sadly, though, you can see reasonably well in welding glasses, out in daylight. Eyes adjust. Sure hurts when you take them off… but if she’s been wearing them for a few minutes at least, and still can’t see that lamppost, she needs an eye exam.
AC: First time I read this, I thought he said “snuff”.
A3G: Careful Aunt Iris, he might Goose you.
Baldo: I read books. I have -thought- about getting an e-reader, and the idea that there are book readers who haven’t considered it seems weird, although it’s becoming a trope. But I think she’s lying, it seems she has considered and rejected it. Here’s the other trope that to me is even more curious. The smell. Seriously, is that really a reason to reject e-books? I read a -lot- of books, sometimes a couple a day. I know the smell, I admit, I’ve smelled books and I do like it. But 99% of the books I’ve read, I’ve never smelled. And I’m sure even if I had an e-reader, I’d still end up reading plenty of paper books, because that’s what used bookstores and libraries stock, and that’s where I get most of my books. I just can’t see “smell” as a major component of the issue. Why did Mary drop this issue before she managed to settle it for me!
B&C: I’d rather not be Vincent thanks. That was one miserable life he led. Did get to meet the Doctor though.
BG: Marvin take note; its possible to do a scatalogical strip with a baby in it and yet -not- fill a diaper!
Blond: Featuring the amazing retractable boob! Oh, and Dagwood is there too.
Frazz: I’m not feeling this one. Why wasn’t that a joke about a horse and some origami poetry? Ice picks and tissues and equinox, I’m either missing something or this just isn’t up to Caulfield’s usual standards.
MW: I’m also going to stop smoking, drinking and shooting heroin one day per week. Because that’s how you deal with an addiction. Slightly chilly turkey.
DT: Handwatch day 8.
March 21st, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]
It’s a 2-for-1 deal on selected snark today.
Baldo & Pluggers: Leave it to newspaper comics to express your views in a way that makes you vaguely ashamed to hold said views.
Doones & GF: I feel like I somehow missed a day on both of these strips. Did they both just decide to start in medias res here?
JP: The narrator is just so darn excited about discovering a sullen, detached teenager–that rarest of sights on this Earth!
Marvin: It’s not the food. After being in the same house as Marvin all this time, the dog’s olfactory nerves just shut down in self-defense.
NS: Look, you live in a state brimming over with vampires and evil emotion-sucking spider demons, so I don’t think a little late snow is that big a concern.
Ziggy: “Gasoline is too expensive” is an oft-repeated and, let’s be honest, fairly justified complaint. “The gas pump works too quickly” is a new one on me, though.
Zits: I continue to be impressed (in a way) by Jeremy’s ability to get traffic tickets while sitting motionless in a removable bench-style car seat near a fake steering wheel.
PoteetMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:00 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#85): Actually, it’s my understanding that some parrots are now considered to be as intelligent as the average human three-year-old, and some members of the crow family are very smart as well. In an intelligence contest, parrots and crows could probably wipe out the entire cast of PLUGGERS.
Walker of DogMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:02 pm [Reply]
@terrapin (#99): “Handsy, sandwich addled father” should be on Crimestoppers.
Red GreenbackMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:02 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#101): I had a Wooly Willy when I was a kid, too. It was a simple toy, but the fun lasted until my mom caught me.
Esther BlodgettMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:04 pm [Reply]
@This Guy (#106): Doonesbury is in repeats this week, so yeah. Get Fuzzy is randomly coming back to the Bucky vs. ferrets storyline. So yeah.
PoteetMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:05 pm [Reply]
DT — In the Sunday strip, the head of Fly Face seems to be covered with some kind of green goo (it looks too gross to be hair). Perhaps my earlier suggestion that he might be a stinkhorn isn’t so far off, although stinkhorns are generally better-looking.
http://www.shortcourses.com/naturelog/stinkhorn01.jpg
McPersonMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:08 pm [Reply]
It seems Zits is about to transition into Funky-esque melancholy with Jeremy’s impending car accident and resulting paralysis. This can mean only one thing: the plague is spreading. We must stop it now before Dennis the Menace starts brooding about how empty it feels to be a menace.
spikeMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:12 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#52), @Maria de Oro (#94) and @Chyron HR (#95): When Dawn had her dustup w/ the two-timing-and-subsequently-shipped-off-to-Vietnam Young Doctor Corey about two (maybe three) years ago, I had the impression that she was a freshman or sophomore in college then. That would make her 18 – 20, maybe?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#107): I’m having visions of Maida and Zia showing up in Pluggerville, and turning the whole place upside out and inside down.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]
@terrapin (#99), @Walker of Dog (#108):
“Handsy, the Father Who Loves Sandwiches” reminds me of this young miss:
http://www.cloudninecomics.com/coverartwork/h/hansi_nn_5.5.jpg
Scott BotMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]
Pearls Before Swine – I think we’ve solved the mystery of what happened to Jackie Thornton from Judge Parker.
HaroldMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]
Mary Worth: “…I had an epiphany! I realized that I could make money from all the pathetic internet addicts out there. So now I’m a camgirl, running a members-only site specializing in foot fetish and ‘daddy’s little girl’ videos! Daddy does the recording on Saturdays, edits them on Sunday, and posts the new videos first thing Monday!”
IndigoMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]
Hi is leaving because his family has thrown out all their furniture in deference to the mighty Wii, and the thought of sitting directly on that black hole of a carpet is too depressing to even consider.
new_squid_in_townMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]
A3G: A day late, but Iris’s ring tone really should be this.
MW: If tomorrow we see a smirking Wilbur on his bed with a big smirking furry toy nestled in his manly groin we’re all going to need therapy.
wossnameMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:31 pm [Reply]
@bbofun (#97): re JP — Oh, I don’t think we’ve seen the conclusion of the Constance/Angel story line at all! I predict a week, no more, of Sophie being mysteriously sulky before we go back to the Big Apple to see how our heroes are doing there.
And I think those who’ve been obsessing over Angel and Sam’s jazzy man-date are overlooking the fact that the judge and Constance are left as a twosome, going on a glamorous hetero-date, and then returning to the haunted Dixie Julep Suite after a few champagne cocktails. Then we’ll find out what Jackie taught Constance about authors before being thrown under the bus.
yaoi huntress earthMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:35 pm [Reply]
FW: I know Batiuk is probably going to make Mallory seem like an evil snob, but if I had to put up with a mopey, annoying, smug jackass like Cody, I’d be pissed as well. As for her dysfunction, I’m going with an eating disorder.
Scott BotMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#35): I think between the time skips and the flashbacks and the like, somehow the Funkyverse time machine malfunctioned, and some poor girl from Funky Winkerbean circra 1976 somehow got stuck in the current strip.
Poor girl, she’ll probably get cancer now.
new_squid_in_townMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:46 pm [Reply]
@new_squid_in_town (#119):
One of those “smirking” should be replaced by “satiated”. You get to decide which.
S-M: The jocks mocked his light bones at school, which explains a lot.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:51 pm [Reply]
MW: I’m as surprised as you are, Cathy(!); I had no idea that Dawn knew what “epiphany” meant.
JP: Given the choice between jazzy smugness and teen sullenness, I guess I’ll take the teen.
MT: As everyone knows, no drug lord can resist the allure of mom-jeans; those high waists and forgiving thigh-space are like catnip to them!
HaroldMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:54 pm [Reply]
OH GOD. I just noticed the can of Barbasol shaving cream on Dawn’s dresser in Mary Worth. Why not in the bathroom? I guess the bedroom shows up better in the video “Dawn and Daddy in ‘A Close Shave’”!
bourbon babe, unbuckledMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:54 pm [Reply]
@Just Call Me E (#12): I think every part of that dog is in motion!
@Calico (#86): Agh—is she back? I’m afraid to look; she frightens me.
Effluvius ErratusMarch 21st, 2011 at 2:56 pm [Reply]
@This Guy (#106):
“The gas pump works too quickly” is a new one on me, though.
Perhaps it’s an oblique reference to Ziggy’s issues with premature ejaculation, which problem he would not have, perhaps, if he wore some pants.
Westville Oncologist$$$$$March 21st, 2011 at 2:59 pm [Reply]
Wow, you essentially improved that ziggy strip with a 100% funnier joke!
MayzshonMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]
MW- This is a weird thing to notice, but does anybody else think the big toe on Dawn’s right foot seems freakishly small?
MayzshonMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:05 pm [Reply]
NAQV On one hand I’m getting sick of Charlie Sheen jokes. On the other hand the idea of Her Majesty taking his role made me laugh.
UncleJeffMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#84):” I think they’re doing Criminal Minds: Suspect Behaviour now.”
Nope. They’re writing the newest “L&O” spin-off: “Damn Kids on the Yard, Again”.
March 21st, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]
Between Friends: I know people like her. They believe they’re the centre of the universe and are constantly angry at the expectations everyone places on them, when in reality what everyone really wants is for them to just SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO AWAY!
Sorry. I don’t usually swear like that, but as I said — I know people like her.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]
@UncleJeff (#131): That’s the one that Pluggers watch, right?
Effluvius ErratusMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]
@UncleJeff (#131): Don’t give them any ideas. Being able to exploit children and justify it as social consciousness raising would make Law & Order: Juvenile Justice impossible for any TV exec to resist.
chung CHUNG
Dammit! They just approved, cast, wrote, and shot the first 12 seasons…
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:22 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#52):
FW – Wait, what? They’re going to draw the names of random classmates and then be forced to pretend they’re married to them? Is this an actual thing, or is it something like “solo car date” that exists only in the spongy, feverous nook of Batiuk’s brain that contains his non-observations about the behavior of anybody under 30?
It’s real. Sometimes they have to take an egg home and care for it like a child and then bring it back at the end of the week unbroken. This shows what it’s like to raise children.
This is done to prepare them for real life, as opposed to teaching them how to read and write and shit like that. It’s also part of the reason I get essays like this:
Infact! I wonder how we survived before the invention of cell phones devices . Which indeed, has been a very easy and convenient way of communications. In opposed to this fact, i will be proposing that a cell phone device has not only been an advantage since it came into existence, but has increased the rate of crimes, accident rates and what about health conditions? All these adverse events have not been critically examined. We are just carried away by the fun we get like, having your phone ring in your favourite song on radio, enjoying the instant messaging while ignoring these deadly factors.
Do you understand why my blog is called “I Don’t Give a Damn”?
KarMannMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:24 pm [Reply]
Curtis: Obviously, Curtis doesn’t know that the proper feminine form of ‘troll’ is ‘trollop’.
SwordsmithMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:25 pm [Reply]
S-M: In panel two, Mobius’s sugarglider-bite-derived mini-wing separates from his arm, so in panel three he should be shown death-spiraling into a hyphen-ated crash, where his light bones snap like twigs.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:26 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#134): What exactly is that “Chung chung” sound supposed to be? It’s vaguely reminiscent of the Mark VII hammer at the end of Dragnet. I’ve never figured its relevance.
I do enjoy Law & Order: Los Angeles because the main characters remind me of Carella and Meyer Meyer from McBain’s 87th Precinct novels. But I understand it’s been cancelled, so, you know … there’s that.
SwordsmithMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:36 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#135): It’s real? I assumed it was just a trope made popular by 101 sitcoms, maybe something one teacher did back 50 years ago but certainly nothing that anyone would try now!
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:38 pm [Reply]
Hi & Lois — The bowling ball is just a ruse… Hi is abandoning his wife and family, so he can go on tour with his OTHER family: Ninja, Yo-Landi Vi$$er and DJ Hi-Tek*.
*All three are Hi’s children and members of Die Antwoord!
This GuyMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:39 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#135): In my high school, we (although I never had to do this) skipped the eggs and had kids carry around 5-pound bags of flour, the better to reflect the size and weight of a baby (still not very well, though.) And of course, all such fake-family assignments are a cliche of comedies centering around high schoolers and middle schoolers, and you can guarantee that the kids who hate/pretend to hate each other the most will be paired up.
Here Come ole FlattopMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#135): Some time ago, I taught an Architectural History course at the local “13th Grade” (community college). The local AIA decided we needed to give back, so I volunteered; the building industry had slowed to a crawl. After seeing essays of that ilk, I just started assigning average grades just because the students were able to find pen and paper and knew their names. After one complete cycle, I left and didn’t look back. God love you for keeping at it.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#135):
It’s also part of the reason I get essays like this:
My condolences.
littlestevieMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:46 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#32): JP: Oh you meant her face, nevermind.
Esther BlodgettMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:47 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#135): Come on, you just pasted in one of Buchholz Surfer’s mashups there, didn’t you? Infact!
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 21st, 2011 at 3:58 pm [Reply]
@Harold (#125): Clear throat.
Deep breath.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
March 21st, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#135): Oh, so it’s part of that whole thing? How the fuck is looking after an egg anything like raising a child, anyway? I mean, here I thought I was the weird one for not attending public school, but the more I hear about it the more I think that it was bugfuck insane anyway.
ArchieNemesisMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]
Only in Crock could a woman say, “What a gorgeous bod!” while looking at a man built like a potato standing on two toothpicks.
commodorejohnMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:14 pm [Reply]
@ArchieNemesis (#148): I dunno, doesn’t that describe the males in 9 Chickweed Lane, as well?
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle PatrolMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:15 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#135): I’ll note that, at my high school, only the kids NOT on the college prep or advanced placement tracks had to go through this experience.
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:16 pm [Reply]
@Filthy Assistant (#149): I’m pretty sure Josh has put up posting and discussion policies, and I’m equally certain you should have read them.
SideshowJonMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:30 pm [Reply]
Next week’s Beetle Bailey storyline will be a hilarious depiction of Beetle’s court martial and subsequent imprisonment and suicide after his entire platoon is wiped out due to him falling asleep on watch.
terrapinMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:37 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#115):Ha ha! I saw that in a bargain bin many years ago and I think I yelled something like “WHAT THE…?”
BraniffMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:38 pm [Reply]
FC: Dolly (looking up from the rotary dial)–”Grandma, can my friends and I celebrate my birthday on your party line?”
Esther BlodgettMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:44 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#152): If Cortez Beecher were here, he’d unleash his Flying Elbow of Righteousness right about now.
PoteetMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:46 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#152): Thank you.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#145): Very sincerely, no. That was part of a real essay. And not one of the worst — not by a very long shot. (I didn’t pick any of the really bad ones because I figured everyone would take it as satire.) There are two kinds of bad: half of any class has gone through our excellent Canadian education system and are incapable of constructing a full sentence that has any meaning, and the other half didn’t start speaking English until six months or so ago and often can’t write their own names. (Really. I have one student this semester who has spelled her name four different ways. So far — the semester isn’t over yet.)
If you’re interested, I wrote a series of posts on my experience of applying for a job at another college. They’re long, and awkwardly written because I was rushed. But they are very revealing about the state of education.
1) Fear and Loathing in the College Boardroom: The Invitiation
2) Fear and Loathing in the College Boardroom: Down the Rabbit Hole
3) Fear and Loathing in the College Boardroom: Welcome to my Blackboard Jungle
4) Fear and Loathing in the College Boardroom: Finally, the Final Chapter
There’s also an account of a faculty meeting we had: Silence of the Lambs that, while being completely true, is somewhat controversial.
You can’t satirise education. It’s just not possible. At least not in this country, and I doubt the States is much different.
AlisonMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]
Wheezy, I really don’t think that bird is “th’ furst robin o’ spring”, considering it’s coloring is NOTHING like that of a robin. Robins aren’t an all-over light brown shade. Then again, I know all the people in this strip are supposed to be off-the-charts stupid, so perhaps that’s the real point of the joke and I missed it.
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:51 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#156): Like I said, Cortez has grown on me.
PoteetMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:51 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#135): I do sympathize re the essays, and the sad thing is that I’ve seen even worse. A friend taught first-year remedial writing at a university for a year, and she sent me several anonymous samples of the prose that was inflicted on her, er, submitted to her. She was a cheery, good-natured person when she began, but I don’t know how long that would have lasted if she hadn’t gotten out. I salute you.
boojumMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:52 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#152): You, sir, are the pineapple of politeness.
PoteetMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:55 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#158): Ah, I see that you were trying to have mercy on us by not showing us the worst. On one hand, I appreciate your generous spirit. On the other hand, my fervent hope/dream that Canada didn’t have a dreadful-prose problem is now dead. *sniff*
PoteetMarch 21st, 2011 at 4:59 pm [Reply]
SS — Two birds should really, really have more than nine toes between them. Eww. I’ll try to go back to staring with horrified fascination at the alleged human noses.
Esther BlodgettMarch 21st, 2011 at 5:02 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#158): Alas, as I’ve been helping my Beloved Spouse grade essays for years, I know you speak the truth. In fact, all of your blog posts ring very true based on his experiences. On the bright side, they made for some very entertaining reading. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for even entertaining the idea of educating young minds – it’s a dirty job, and most of us wouldn’t do it. ;)
Old School Allie CatMarch 21st, 2011 at 5:12 pm [Reply]
@Maria de Oro (#94): I was in college when the “Dawn as Tubby Unloved Teen” plotline came out, and that would have been – let’s be kind and say 1994/1995.
I remember sitting at the breakfast table at my sorority house reading this. I remember it, and the bowl of Froot Loops like it was yesterday.
But it was more like 18 years ago.
Ouch.
Walker of DogMarch 21st, 2011 at 5:25 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#158): Thanks for the links, and for your work with the Little Knuckleheads. As an adult Big Knucklehead, I have grown to appreciate my teachers’ efforts.
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#115): Wow, thanks for showing me something that I never would have guessed was a real thing. Apparently she turned to Nazism after her poofy shoulder-things made her undateable.
And last thanks to whoever addressed the situation at old comment 149.
CyrithMarch 21st, 2011 at 5:29 pm [Reply]
I think Ziggy looks so worried because he knows that if he goes over his meager budget the men from the Gas Station will beat him with squeegees.
KatyMarch 21st, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]
Has anyone said today that they hate Brooke McEldowney? No? Okay: I hate Brooke McEldowney. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IF YOU HAVE JUST HAD A NIGHT OF HOT BOUNDARY-CROSSING SEX YOU ARE TOO TIRED TO PUT ON A WIFEBEATER SHIRT BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP. And if you wore the wifebeater the whole time you had sex, that’s sadder than any human soul should be asked to bear.
TheDivaMarch 21st, 2011 at 5:32 pm [Reply]
@This Guy (#141): Our high school did the flour bag thing too. Most students ended up carrying the “babies” on top of their books or in their backpacks, which tended to negate the “simulate carrying a small child everywhere” part of the exercise.
I didn’t take the course either, being too busy with band and choir and similar “geeky” electives. I suspect that I am neither a better nor a worse mother for the (lack of) experience.
Effluvius ErratusMarch 21st, 2011 at 5:33 pm [Reply]
@Old School Allie Cat (#165): And yet Moy somehow missed the chance to follow that 90s story up with “Wilbur as Chubby Unloved Post-Middle-aged Man,” and having Dawn help him learn some of the life lessons she learned from him. The story would have still been unbearably cloying as the resolution to Dawn Weston: Twitter Fiend, but it may have been less infuriating.
word-doctorMarch 21st, 2011 at 5:47 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#157):
My dad put me onto this Ciardi poem; he and my mom met in a Creative Writing class and both taught HS English.
ON FLUNKING A NICE BOY OUT OF SCHOOL
I wish I could teach you how ugly
decency and humility can be when they are not
the election of a contained mind but only
the defenses of an incompetent. Were you taught
meekness as a weapon? Or did you discover,
by chance maybe, that it worked on mother
and was generally a good thing—
at least when all else failed—to get you over
the worst of what was coming? Is that why you bring
these sheep-faces to Tuesday?
They won’t do.
It’s three months’ work I want, and I’d sooner have it
from the brassiest lumpkin in pimpledom, but have it
than all these martyred repentances from you.
commodorejohnMarch 21st, 2011 at 5:50 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#157): Oy. Quite a read. The Floridian article linked from part III is especially frightening – I’d encountered the “hamburger essay” before in a couple early college classes, but I thought it was just a particularily dumbshit textbook, not something that was spreading throughout the whole goddamn system. I was being a bit snide about the public school system in my initial reply, but now I’m really, really, really honestly glad I never attended (thank you Mom and Dad so much.) God almighty, what an awful prospect.
At least now I understand why the writing and “communication” classes I took in my first year of college pissed me off so much…
Effluvius ErratusMarch 21st, 2011 at 5:55 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#168):
…And if you wore the wifebeater the whole time you had sex…
You’ve just described sex with Ziggy.
MapDarkMarch 21st, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]
9CL – You got some ’splaining to do!
Gal FridayMarch 21st, 2011 at 6:10 pm [Reply]
@Clamps (#10):
“Ziggy knows that if he pumps more than $5, he won’t have the $20 he owes his bookie.
Looks like someone’s getting his stumpy legs broke.”
Well, yeah–the goons sure can’t kneecap him.
MayzshonMarch 21st, 2011 at 6:24 pm [Reply]
@Clamps (#10): Either I’m tired or i have undiagnosed dyslexia, because I first read that as “Ziggy broke his $5 pumps”
Which now has me picturing Ziggy as a cost conscious transvestite. I can’t decide if that’s amusing or horrifying.
Miss OthmarMarch 21st, 2011 at 6:27 pm [Reply]
@Jim North (#59): Actually, there is another way that the oldsters might have been exposed to the Wii….
wossnameMarch 21st, 2011 at 6:59 pm [Reply]
@Harold (#125): Oh GOD, I didn’t notice the Barbasol until you pointed it out. But I did notice that she has a Glamour Shot of herself on her dresser… or mantel… or whatever that thing is.
@Frank Lee Meidere (#135): Wait. Wait. Did you say you teach at college level? You’re getting me very distressed. (More about the ones who went through the Canadian school system than the ones who barely speak English.) I’ve seen some of the stuff that bourbon babe’s students come up with, but that pales compared to this. As several have said, thank you for your dedication in trying to educate them – and no one will blame you if you bail. I’ll read your blog posts when I’m feeling stronger.
Glad that whatever was at the old #149 is gone, I guess… but I’m kind of curious in that car-wreck-with-amputations kind of way.
EldaglassMarch 21st, 2011 at 7:11 pm [Reply]
As a former English major, I thought the addition of Walt Whitman to the 3G cast would pique my interest. Instead, I find myself yelling (as I do randomly, throughout the day), “Needs more Margo!”
Jim NorthMarch 21st, 2011 at 7:15 pm [Reply]
@Miss Othmar (#177): Aw, man . . . video games aren’t cool anymore. Especially ones on the Wii.
Uncle LumpyMarch 21st, 2011 at 7:30 pm [Reply]
Poets could liven up a lot of the strips:
9CL — “I sing the body hydraulic …”
FW — “What do you mean, ‘I could not stop for Death’? — Of course I can stop for Death! We go way back!”
Pluggers — “Something there is that doesn’t love a plugger.”
bats :[March 21st, 2011 at 7:38 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#168): I don’t know why I loathed the idea of Seth wearing clothes to bed, particular when getting teh secks, but your explanation works fine for me!
bourbon babe, unbuckledMarch 21st, 2011 at 7:40 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#181):
MW: “I grow old, I grow old…. I think I’ll have a sandwich.”
MT: “What rough beast, covered in facial hair, slouches toward LoFo to be punched?”
The RidgerMarch 21st, 2011 at 7:44 pm [Reply]
@Jim North (#61): Basic 4 cereal can be bought on the Internet and delivered right to your door.
NosytMarch 21st, 2011 at 7:45 pm [Reply]
Wait, Ziggy drives?! I can only imagine the hodgepodge of hand controls and pedal extensions that would make that even a possibility. The more likely explanation is that he was just walking by the gas station and the driver browbeat him into paying for his fuel (yeah, that feels like a more likely explanation…)
NosytMarch 21st, 2011 at 7:54 pm [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (#98): You just gave me a vision of a horrible advertising campaign: “Now presenting Ziggy for Flomax™.”
Comcis FanMarch 21st, 2011 at 8:02 pm [Reply]
Zits: There are two options here: either Jeremy and Hector were switched at birth, or Mrs. Duncan, who is unfamiliar with the Brazilian wax, is sitting naked atop Hector’s head. Either way, disturbing.
The RidgerMarch 21st, 2011 at 8:08 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#168): I think Brooke’s only experience with this is watching tv, where people always are fully dressed (pjs, tshirts, whatever) in the morning after a hot night of sex. He thinks it’s normal.
AviatrixMarch 21st, 2011 at 8:09 pm [Reply]
@wossname (#62): Does an airplane really have an ignition key like a car?
While really old ones and larger ones don’t, as @Not Just Any Dipstick (#68) confirms, small airplanes manufactured around the era where Mark Trail is permanently mired do have an ignition key. Its role is not so much one of security as to make mid-twentieth century consumers feel that an airplane is just like a car. I personally have started a similar airplane using the key from a completely different airplane, and another one using the key to a filing cabinet. You just need a lever to turn the switch such that both magnetos are ungrounded, and the starter solenoid can close.
The RidgerMarch 21st, 2011 at 8:10 pm [Reply]
@Swordsmith (#105): As a Kindle owner who would not – would NOT – be without it, it drives me crazy when people act like buying one means you can never again buy a book made out of paper.
Uncle LumpyMarch 21st, 2011 at 8:16 pm [Reply]
Ziggy — Poor Ziggy can only afford ONE GALLON of gas. He makes up for it by driving fifteen miles to the discount station to make sure his gallon is priced right. Takes up a lot of time, but it’s worth it. Thank heaven his car gets thirty miles to the gallon.
Esther BlodgettMarch 21st, 2011 at 8:34 pm [Reply]
@The Ridger (#190): Double agent! Sympathizer! Traitor! Pervert! Witch!
…Wait, really? Oh, OK then.
Islamorada GirlMarch 21st, 2011 at 8:40 pm [Reply]
S-M. Actually, that vampire wannabe’s thin bones make him a prime candidate for osteoporosis. His spine is going to snap like a dry twig when he hits an updraft, unless he’s been taking his Boniva.
AviatrixMarch 21st, 2011 at 8:42 pm [Reply]
I don’t believe you. I was on a university campus today, attended a few classes, listened to students around me talking. They could form complete sentences, even ones involving relative clauses, and seemed to be able to arrange them spontaneously in coherent groups. I don’t believe that given the constraint that they do the same thing on paper, with the additional opportunity to edit and proofread, that they would not succeed. Most of the people here manage at least that much, and our barrier to entry is that you think about comic strips. Surely people who have had to fill out application forms and pay money to immerse themselves in a more intellectual topic can do as much.
Also, did you know that if you managed to graduate from a university, even as much as twenty years ago, you can go back to that school and they’ll let you borrow books from the library and maybe even swim in their pool?
I am ALL about free [access to] books.
Islamorada GirlMarch 21st, 2011 at 8:43 pm [Reply]
MT: “What rough beast, covered in facial hair, slouches toward LoFo to be punched?”
Bourbon Babe Unbuckled makes the CP of the YEAR.
Jim NorthMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:19 pm [Reply]
@The Ridger (#184): Holy crap, you’re right. Through Amazon, no less! Now I have to go see if I can get milk delivered . . .
And so began Jim’s dizzying downfall into the horrors of internet addiction.
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:40 pm [Reply]
Mark – In the midst of all this worrisome non-routine, it’s nice to know some things remain the same. Like the second-panel close-up of Mark. How many times have we seen that drawing? And were we not comforted each time? And I’m sure we will be next time, too.
Mary – Be sure and stay tuned to this strip as Dawn becomes addicted to calling people on the telephone. It’s a nail biter.
Pluggers don’t like newfangled shit until it’s old and beat-up.
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:40 pm [Reply]
R=R – Goombahs, on the other hand, love to stare at new stuff in the store until the owner makes them leave.
Spider – Morbius’s name is a spoonerism for bore-me-us.
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:41 pm [Reply]
@Swordsmith (#105): Another thing Mary likes about books is how they feel on her ass when she sits on them. Comfy, accepting, yielding. Not like those damned eBooks… right, folks?
@Red Greenback (#109): Ha ha! You sick little monkey!
@The Ridger (#190): What? You mean I can still read reg’lar books??
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#183): Argh, the erudition! It BURNS!
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:45 pm [Reply]
@ArchieNemesis (#148): That’s a man? I thought it was a potato standing on two toothpicks!
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 21st, 2011 at 9:55 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#160): Unfortunately, this isn’t remedial. It’s supposed to be advanced.
@Swordsmith (#139): There seems to be no end to the depths of the stupid things they’ll try in education. Everything, in fact, except the simple expedient of educating.
@This Guy (#141): Did you ever see the Fraser episode in which Niles lugs around a bag of flour to see if he’s read for a baby?
@Here Come ole Flattop (#142): I’ve sat in on a vast number of courses at the college, including architecture. In one class, the project was to build a bridge three feet long out of plastic drinking straws held together with straight pins. It had to hold a brick for 40 seconds. Simple, right? The instructions covered over a page because the prof had found that students tended not to understand them unless every single aspect was spelled out. I’ve also had the pleasure of sitting in on untold number of presentations by architectural students which are barely articulate, and … ah, screw it. They sucked. Big time.
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#143): Thank you. Now you know why I asked if there were any openings.
@Poteet (#162): We keep positioning ourselves as somehow more advanced than the States in education. It ain’t true.
@Esther Blodgett (#164): I got stuck here. I started teaching here as a complete accident (literally), and when I found out what the situation was, I started my own curriculum, telling the students to keep it quiet and not tell the administration. More than six years later and I still haven’t been sold out. I don’t do this out of love. I do it out of a very deep anger.
@Walker of Dog (#166): I hear you on that one. About a year after I started teaching I looked up one of my high school teachers to tell him how much he’d affected my life, and to thank him for it. I’ve come to have a great respect for the good ones — and a deep loathing for the run-of-the-mill and bad ones.
@word-doctor (#171): Thanks for the poem. Now that’s someone who’s been through the mill. I may post it on the class website.
@commodorejohn (#172): I contacted Lynn years ago, shortly after I started teaching and first learned about the abortion called the Five Paragraph Essay. She’s a wonderful woman who honestly tried doing her best, but had to duck out. If I weren’t operating under the radar, I’d have to quit too. I simply couldn’t teach this course the way they want it taught.
@wossname (#178): College, not university. My wife and I went back to university in our 40s, and I just graduated in 2001, so I’m fairly familiar with their standards — which they still have. We went to the University of Toronto and I have nothing but praise for the professors and administration. Yes, the standards have slipped some over the years, but they’re still quite high. Of course some “universities” are really just colleges that got an upgrading. I teach at college, but it is considered the best in Toronto — God help us. College is a different thing.
@Aviatrix (#194): Note what I said to wossname. The universities are still good. At least, the University of Toronto is still good, and I have every reason to believe that the other large universities are of equal quality. Of course, most of the students coming into the universities are coming in through prep schools or very high-end high schools, where there is less attention paid to instilling high self esteem, and more on actually giving them something to have high self-esteem about.
Thanks to all for your interest.
And now we return you to our regularly scheduled snarks.
This GuyMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:02 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#199): Well, of course, Pluggers don’t like e-readers because you can’t wipe your ass with pages from them.
@Frank Lee Meidere (#201): So: “It’s not stupid–it’s advanced!” I went to a university for quite a while, and it didn’t work out for various reasons. Eventually, I went to our local tech school and got a degree, but it was mostly just getting that piece of paper. If I hadn’t had a good background, I don’t know what the hell I would’ve done. It wasn’t all that bad, sure, but the core classes were a bit sad. My degree program was also pretty badly planned; the program head seems to be trying to get that changed (I complained about it to him often enough), but it’s slow going.
Pseudo3DMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:16 pm [Reply]
Hey, I just found the trope for this Gil Thorp storyline:
“Debate and Switch”
Pseudo3DMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:22 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#135): When I went to high school, for a childcare class, one had to carry around a, get this, a robot baby, that could tell if you were abusing it (holding it the wrong way). And it might cry in the middle of class. By “telling you were doing it wrong”, there was a computer chip inside that could tell of your mishaps, and that was sent to the teacher, who docked you points based on your negligence.
Obviously, I never took the class, but they were a fairly common sight.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:30 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#199):
@Red Greenback (#109): Ha ha! You sick little monkey!
You rang?
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4135/4788833372_f06934eaac.jpg
AviatrixMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:48 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#201): Ohhkay. I thought you were treating university and college as synonyms, as a convenience to the American readers. I think I’ll go on pretending that Canadian high school students enjoy a level of literacy that would permit them to express their opinions in a fashion intelligible to me. Because if my college-age countrymen can’t assemble three or four consecutive sentences, I question whether they can reliably assess the content and logic of sentences produced by others, and that last is an assumption on which our democracy is built.
For that matter, can they even understand the comics?
commodorejohnMarch 21st, 2011 at 10:50 pm [Reply]
@Aviatrix (#206): Ah, so there is a difference. I was kind of suspecting as much.
AviatrixMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:46 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#207): Do a significant number of students learn the basics of sentence and paragraph construction between grade seven and twelve? I have samples of my own writing from elementary school. I liked to write and illustrate “books,” on stapled together wads of construction paper, and while the topics and ideas were painful and the vocabulary uneven, the immature me demonstrates a grasp of English grammar, and the concept of beginning, middle and end of an argument or narrative. Wasn’t that explained on Sesame Street?
My thesis is that, through exposure to competent speech and writing, some people recognize and adopt the components of discourse while others somehow lack the ability or motivation to absorb these concepts. Is it the teachers’ fault? I dunno.
GrimaudMarch 21st, 2011 at 11:58 pm [Reply]
Osteoporosis as a superpower? Finally, the ultimate Spider-Man foe!
SequiturMarch 22nd, 2011 at 12:01 am [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#181): And yet Shakespear beacons,
Dagwood: Perchance to make the sandwich that cannot be eaten. It is but a dream, a wisp of bread laden with desires of grand ideas.
Wilbur: But, my lord, there be not the sandwich which cannot be devoured by the lust of one’s eyes then taken to the heart of one’s loins.
Dagwood: There be the rub yet always there may be the impossible sandwich that cannot totally be devoured but left only to the desires of the mind.
Wilbur: No, no, I say and then again no. Your lust be divided between the love of a fair maiden and the lure of the sandwich of excellence. You cannot understand the true justice of devouring any sandwich that hath been created by the hand of a man.
Dagwood: Ha! It is but you, poor Wilbur, who cannot understand the limits of a man’s appetite when there are the far greater pleasures of a carnel nature consuming the lusts of loins that bring pleasure beyond that of the pits of the stomach.
Seth: Yea, though I be new to these pleasures, I find them more of a wonderful mystery than any sandwich could produce.
Dagwood and Wilbur (in unison): Oh, shut thou the fuck up.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 22nd, 2011 at 12:06 am [Reply]
@Aviatrix (#208): I doubt the potential of the students has decreased significantly over the years. The “philosophy” of education, on the other hand, has undergone enormous changes. Yes, it’s the teachers’ fault — or the administration’s fault, enacted by the teachers. Going against it can cost you your job.
There is a library in Toronto, The Lillian H. Smith library on College Street, near Spadina. It contains the Osborne Collection of early children’s books. In the collection are essays and letters written by children seven, eight, nine years old. Many of these are equal to the quality of newspaper articles. They were written 100 years or so ago. There isn’t a single student who has come through my classes who could match them.
Not everyone can be an artist, but everyone, if they are taught the principles of perspective and the techniques of basic visual representation, can learn to draw. Likewise, not everyone can become a professional writer; but if given the proper training from youth, they can certainly learn to think analytically, and to articulate these thoughts on paper understandably and even convincingly.
Our education system has crippled our youth. Sure, texting, the Internet, TV and a host of other modern devices have had their role, but none of these, of themselves, are necessarily destructive to the intellect and communicative abilities of those using them. The lunacy that has taken over the education system — that has been overtaking it for years — fully deserves all the blame that can be thrown at it.
commodorejohnMarch 22nd, 2011 at 12:13 am [Reply]
@Aviatrix (#208): I’m afraid I actually have no idea – I was homeschooled all the way through high school, and while I certainly knew some kids my age who were pretty literate and communicative, a lot of them were homeschooled as well, or otherwise from very bookish families, so all my data is kind of skewed. For myself, I actually did more drawing than writing as a kid, so while I had a solid grasp of spelling and grammar, the whole organization-of-thoughts thing was something I developed a little later in life (when I took to arguing with people on the Internet, strangely enough.)
It’s an interesting theory. I’ve always been of the opinion that everyone is actually interested in building their communication skills (written or otherwise) if given the right context, and I find myself wondering how much students are stifled and turned off by assigned writing that doesn’t speak to their interests (*cough*BOOK REPORTS*cough*.) But again, I don’t really know.
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 22nd, 2011 at 12:15 am [Reply]
Well, our children are being prepared to go out into the world. Unfortunately, it am Bizarro world! Ha ha! Stupid earthlings put bun outside of hamburger!!
PoteetMarch 22nd, 2011 at 12:18 am [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#211): I don’t really know what’s going on, or the reasons for it. What I do know is that when, a couple of years ago, I compared an old high school literary magazine from the late Sixties with a current literary magazine from an Iowa university, the high school magazine seemed better to me. And my high school wasn’t an elite high school, either.
SequiturMarch 22nd, 2011 at 12:25 am [Reply]
And yet, oddly enough, the elders of each generation deem the next generation failures.
You can’t prove that by some of the very talented and articulate young people I have the pleasure to be acquainted. They give me hope for the future of the next generation.
SequiturMarch 22nd, 2011 at 12:26 am [Reply]
@Sequitur (#215): As long as they STAY OFF MY LAWN! DAMMIT.
Jimmy McMillanMarch 22nd, 2011 at 12:33 am [Reply]
Expectations?! What about the damn rent!
AviatrixMarch 22nd, 2011 at 12:49 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#204): I found a whole website about the robot babies and their teenage caregivers. They exhibit annoyingly realistic screaming. And they can’t write an essay to save their lives.
PoteetMarch 22nd, 2011 at 1:19 am [Reply]
@Sequitur (#215): I know some highly-impressive young people who understand more about ecology in their early twenties than I knew in my forties, and know how to work hard. Their drive and energy sometimes amaze me. They definitely give me hope for the future.
I do get the impression, however, that nationally, on average (and only on average), something may be happening to writing skills. And if I’m wrong, I’ll be very happy to be wrong.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 22nd, 2011 at 1:19 am [Reply]
@Sequitur (#215): Yes, yes. The old, “They were putting down the young generation in Socrates day” thing. And of course there are a lot of bright youth out there. I’m talking about the broad picture. Perhaps the best I can offer as proof of what I’m saying is to point to the number of students who refuse exemptions to attend my classes, or, who having been automatically exempted, attend anyway, or who, having already taken the class under another teacher, attend again, or who are literally dragged in by their friends — all because they know they’re getting something that they have been denied all the way through their education.
And I’m not talking about a few exceptions, I’m talking about every class and every semester. To the point that I often have to explain to admin why my classes are attended by more students than are registered in them.
It is not a case of grumpy older people picking on the young. That’s basically what I thought when I started teaching. But in reality, something very serious and disturbing is going on in education, and has been for quite some time. I’m not blaming the youth: I’m blaming the education system. The youth are no less potentially bright today than they were 40 years ago. But they are being denied the chance to develop this potential.
Rana the Pedantic Wet BlanketMarch 22nd, 2011 at 1:47 am [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#220): The youth are no less potentially bright today than they were 40 years ago. But they are being denied the chance to develop this potential.
Repeated for emphasis. When I read my students’ writing, or see them struggling to understand their textbook – the basic survey textbook, for god’s sake, not anything like a scholarly article or monograph – it makes me really angry. Not at them, but at all the ways they were failed along the way.
For example, I had one student – and not a stupid one, either, just average – who had never heard of the Civil War. That’s not a failure of intelligence, nor a failure of effort. That’s a failure of education, plain and simple.
I know, practically speaking, that I can’t undo years of mis-education in one semester’s lecture survey course. It makes me furious that most of them are going to either fail out or graduate with a degree that they’ll think makes them equal to students from better schools, but which is really a giant form of pity grade. I try to lift them up one small step at a time, and keep an eye out for the students capable of doing more and shove them further along, but I know that it’s too little too late… and even doing that much has earned me a reputation on campus of being a hardass. A caring hardass, sometimes, but still someone fearsome to be avoided if possible.
And people wonder why I am burned out on teaching.
MibbitmakerMarch 22nd, 2011 at 2:02 am [Reply]
@Jimmy McMillan (#217): The rent’s too damn high!
(… sorry, couldn’t resist!)
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 22nd, 2011 at 2:29 am [Reply]
@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#221): but I know that it’s too little too late
Also repeated for emphasis. It’s exactly the same way I feel.
VideoGuyMarch 22nd, 2011 at 3:06 am [Reply]
How could Morbius possibly get away by “going for height” when Spider-Man can shoot webs at him? The only possible explanation is that his web is even more lazy than he is; I imagine he presses the “fire!” button, and his web says “but he’s all the way over there.“
KarMannMarch 22nd, 2011 at 3:18 am [Reply]
3/22 9C*%&L: Is this going where it looks like it’s going? [*] Because, no. Just, no.
EldaglassMarch 22nd, 2011 at 3:33 am [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#181): This, sir, made my evening.
Farley's RevengeMarch 22nd, 2011 at 3:41 am [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#135): The elder offspring had a home-something-or-other class one semester and one day he brought home one of the robot babies. It wet a diaper at intervals, had to be fed, and cried. A lot. The offspring was paired with a young lady who decided she wanted nothing to do with the joys of parenting so the offspring was, in effect, left to be a single parent.
He lugged that robot baby around for a couple days, carrying it everywhere he went, and we-his parents-thoroughly enjoyed watching him take on that frazzled and fatigued look we remembered so well from when we had infants around. He grimly plugged along for almost a week, until two things happened:
1) He wanted to go hang out with his friends without the RB. As he headed out the door, I asked about the RB. Oh, he blithely announced, he thought I could keep an eye on it for him. This was news to me and I asked when he planned to ask me about it. Something in my tone must have alerted him to his sudden skid onto thin ice because he stopped and ever so politely asked if I would babysit. Sure, I said. How much did he plan to pay me per hour? He goggled at me. Pay? I have to pay you? Of course, I said. That’s what parents do when they leave their rugrats with others. I offered to give him a good rate, a buck an hour. He stayed home.
2) The RB shorted out and wouldn’t stop crying. Ever see that Saturday Night Live skit about the crying baby Jesus that won’t stop crying and it has a monotone wail that can be heard throughout the house? Yeah, that was what the RB sounded like. He took it back to the school and when he came home that afternoon, he was childless again and swearing that it would be a long, LONG time before he even contemplated having a child.
That experience really must have affected him. He’s over 30 now and just recently started contemplating becoming a father.
Farley's RevengeMarch 22nd, 2011 at 3:57 am [Reply]
@Sequitur (#210):
Oh, shut thou the fuck up.
I must find a way to use that phrase on a regular basis. Perhaps I’ll yell it when our cat launches into his post-prandial yowling that gives the impression he’s being skinned alive with a potato peeler.
Xander-OMarch 22nd, 2011 at 3:58 am [Reply]
9CL: “Don’t be absurd … Who else’s thigh would I be touching?” Uh, you stupid idiot you share an apartment with Edda, she would have found out about tango slut some time that day if you weren’t planning on sneaking her out of the place before she woke up.
You know McEldowney’s storyline was terrible enough when it read like it intended to come off as if they spontaneously had a “magical artistic connection” but since it is so sloppily handled it looks even worse. Which is saying a LOT when it already looks like Brooke just slapped together one of his many creepy fetishes and called it a storyline (basically his usual Pibgorn stuff).
Farley's RevengeMarch 22nd, 2011 at 4:00 am [Reply]
9CL: Seth being dressed bothers me less than the fact he didn’t kick Edda’s ass the hell out of his room when he found out she had just waltzed in without knocking. Oh, and how he isn’t telling her Oh, shut thou the fuck up.
There. I got to use that phrase PDQ.
Dr. WeirdMarch 22nd, 2011 at 4:10 am [Reply]
@KarMann (#225):
How could it possibly be headed that way? Edda is far too selfish and demanding to do that sort of thing. More likely is she tosses the other dancer out and demands Seth service her in the same way, as there’s no reason for him not to, and she’s better than Tango Girl in every way.
Mr. O'MalleyMarch 22nd, 2011 at 4:29 am [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#211): I meet a lot of young adults and of course some are smarter than others, but I frequently feel that the smarter ones are smarter than I was at that age. Some of them have told me that they realized that, while much of their education was useless, if they were going to get anywhere in life they had to go out and get some skills one way or another, whether it be in the classroom or out. And quite a few of them realize that writing is a key skill.
They’ve also said that they went through many classes being clueless and lost, but in time things came together.
I still have some of my college work, and when I look at it now I think “How did I ever get that one wrong?”
My wife teaches technical writing to engineering students, and one of the assignments is to interview a working engineer, and one of the questions they must ask is how much of your working time is spent writing. A typical answer is about 40%. That is quite an eye-opener for some.
Years ago students spent years learning Latin and Greek (as I did, but I had an old-fashioned education), but how useful was that? Now they learn how to write hamburger essays. The key lesson is that to get ahead you must jump through the pointless hoops. I suppose that is the basis on which our civilization is founded.
Mr. O'MalleyMarch 22nd, 2011 at 4:48 am [Reply]
@Aviatrix (#194): In my experience the library is free but you have to pay to use the pool.
However, my alma mater is providing free beer and snacks at Google tomorrow, so there is still some value to having an education.
John C FremontMarch 22nd, 2011 at 6:31 am [Reply]
@Sequitur (#216): “I believe the children are our future,
Teach them well and let them lead the way,
Show them all the beauty they possess inside,
Give them a sense of – What the hell did I say about the damned lawn?!”
GF – Is Rob taking a leak in the fridge?
MT – “Mr. Otto, you’re trying to seduce me.”
Little GuyMarch 22nd, 2011 at 7:07 am [Reply]
@bbofun (#97): Seeing that it’s too soon after her hosephonic triumph at the hands of the Cheerleaders and Mama Sue Sylvester to delve into a repeat with cyberbulling, I go with F.
9CL: Oh, for the love of… McE not only has turned me off the idea of threeways, he’s tainted my future viewing of Three’s Company.
Zits: Even though Jeremy is doing stupid teenage things in the car, let me remind you that the other driver hit him. However, Jeremy being a stupid teenager, will take all of the blame.
Peanuts, Reboot: “Here’s the Iraqi War veteran pilot in his B-2 Stealth Bomber flying over the Mediterranean on his mission to Tripoli…”
ArchieNemesisMarch 22nd, 2011 at 7:19 am [Reply]
I find the last panel of today’s Mark Trail deeply disturbing.
Carl Barks FanMarch 22nd, 2011 at 7:26 am [Reply]
Apropos of all the comments about the education of today’s youth, here’s a sentence from the Facebook profile of one of my sister’s young relatives: “[I] helped put daily activites together for childern between the ages of 5 and 6 that went to camp there over the summer.” She’s majoring in elementary education! As Cathy would say, Aaaaak!
Maus MagillMarch 22nd, 2011 at 8:01 am [Reply]
It’s simple. All the vampires in the Marvel Universe were destroyed by Dr. Strange in the mid-seventies. So, Morbius isn’t a real vampire; he’s a Living vampire. That’s why he’s still around. He was researching his own fatal blood disease when an accident gave him super-stregnth and a vampiric addiction, but not flight, because he’s not a true vampire. Of course, it also turned him evil. He’s been a classic Spider-man villain since he first appeared in The Amazing Spider-man #101 in 1971. I’ve got it around here somewhere. I can show you all.
See? There he is. Ignore Spidey’s extra arms. I can tell you, we all did. Ha!
Wait, why are you all looking at me like that?
Ned RyersonMarch 22nd, 2011 at 8:26 am [Reply]
I’m sorry, but I won’t be responding to my online accounts today.
Pseudo3DMarch 22nd, 2011 at 8:32 am [Reply]
I’m going to save most of the snark for today’s post, but a preview:
9CL – Congrats to all who said it would be Edna to get mad at Seth for not having sex with her.
GT – Why is Lini wearing Mickey Mouse gloves?
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 22nd, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]
3G – Iris doesn’t trust Dan because he’s wearing that bow tie over that turtleneck.
Close – Looking for a gig, Brozman? You could draw this and it would be an improvement.
Crock – Afterwards, Crock will play “Intendo” on the “Telebision.” Who finds this funny? “Not Me!”
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 22nd, 2011 at 8:46 am [Reply]
Dick – I find the best way to use computer type in a drawing is to use Photoshop to properly orient and distort it, then trace it by hand.
R=R – Of course. The squirrels talk to Rose, too. I mean, that just makes sense, right? She probably can also hear the voices of cats, snowmen, wishing wells, fire hydrants, whiskey bottles, and turds.
6 – And here’s who told Snuffy Smith’s artist what robins look like.
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 22nd, 2011 at 8:47 am [Reply]
Spider – Like VideoGuy says, why not shoot your web at Morbius? Don’t really want to catch him? Maybe you could hang glide from him!
9 – This scene could have been avoided if Seth had simply followed protocol and hung his tutu on the doorknob.
Captain Plaid PantsMarch 22nd, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]
MT: Another strip where every sentence ends in an exclamation point! I don’t think an exclamation point means what he thinks it means! This is why Elrod needs an editor!
MW: This has been asked a thousand times before, so I’m not treading new ground here, but seriously, HOW old is Dawn supposed to be?!?! She looks like she’s 30 (and Wilbur looks to be near 60 himself), and she’s living in a room fit for a 6-year old princess whilst hugging a teddy bear? Really?
FC: “Well, Billy, that’s one fetish I was hoping would skip a generation.”
Crank: Yeah! It’s like Family Circus for old people!
wossnameMarch 22nd, 2011 at 9:39 am [Reply]
ReFoob – Little Elizabeth never got over her fear and self-loathing at smashing her mommy’s pottery bird. After a troubled adolescence, she moved to California and changed her name to Rita, but began a swift descent into alcoholism. She moved in with a kindly elderly lady and tried to get her life together, but one night in a drunken stupor (or was it a rage?) she smashed some crystal swans. “Oh no, my swans! Jack gave those to me!” her friend sobbed. And all the horror of that afternoon in Canada so long ago came crashing back.
MT – OMG, look at that mustache. Otto, you’re gonna meet the Fist O’ Justice some day soon, I promise.
Popeye – Can we hope for an appearance by Alice the Goon?
Esther BlodgettMarch 22nd, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]
Mother Goose & Grimm shows us how the Judge’s date with Constance is going. About as expected, really.
Comcis FanMarch 22nd, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]
FW: How many smirky, bespectacled, smugly-superior-nerd Les Moore clones populate this strip? The Doofuses from Westview are getting eerily similar to The Boys from Brazil.
MW: Dawn, everyone thinks it’s strange. You’re something akin to a grown woman in a pink bedroom with a ruffled pillowcase in the classic, soul-crushing, Santa Royale style, with a teddy bear — a teddy bear who, in panel one, clearly thinks it’s strange as well — and you seem to think your life choices come down to Internet addiction or “quality time” with your dull, pedantic, unself-aware Wonderbread ball of a father. Jill Black could knock some sense into these people. Mary should set her up with Wilbur.
SW: You know, I don’t want this strip to become a soap opera. I don’t want Ted to cheat on Sally with Aria, I don’t want Sally to run off alone to Paris after reading her college journal. Nor do I want them to simply take to bowling nights to escape a suburban purgatory, as depicted in a certain other strip. I would, however, like for these generally funny, happy characters to explore their their inner lives a wee bit more before they quickly retreat to their comfortable standbys, like the guides to seasonal activities.
Esther BlodgettMarch 22nd, 2011 at 9:45 am [Reply]
FC: “I don’t know, Billy,” Thel sighs wearily, “when will you?
Curtis: Barry for the win!
Pluggers: Pluggers only dress up for funerals, weddings, and other horribly sad occasions.
Little GuyMarch 22nd, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]
Luann: “NO TRYING TO INFLUENCE THE JUDGES! EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A FAIR SHO— oh wait, it’s not Tiffany. Carry on.”
EvilSocksMarch 22nd, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]
@Maus Magill (#238): Ooo, seventies Marvel comics. Just my brand of insanity.
Comcis FanMarch 22nd, 2011 at 9:59 am [Reply]
#247, I meant S4th, not SW.
HJAMarch 22nd, 2011 at 11:31 am [Reply]
Calling all nerds! What I heard about Morbius and his “living” status is that, in the early ’70s, Marvel wanted to cash in on the growing popularity of horror by creating a vampire character, but vampires were forbidden at the time by the comics code. So they came up with Morbius, who was, as a character, basically a vampire, doing all the customary scary & gross vampire things, but who was also, technically, a science fiction-type character because of the radioactive blood origin story. Funny thing is, said weaselly legal maneuver would have been unnecessary, like, just a few months later, because the code was then revised to permit portrayals of supernatural horror monsters. That’s why all of a sudden Marvel had a Dracula title, as well as Frankenstein, Werewolf-by-Night, etc., leaving Morbius as kind of a sad outlier with an overly-elaborate back story. I was physically incapable of keeping this information to myself.
greghousesgfMarch 22nd, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#135):
of course. being forced to “marry” a complete stranger or someone you despise completely prepares you for real life.
Thank Darwin they didn’t pull this crap when I was in school.
March 22nd, 2011 at 11:39 pm [Reply]
On BG & SS:
That bird was probably just getting revenge for the eggs that Loweezy stole and cooked for breakfast.
BraniffMarch 23rd, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
@word-doctor (#171): Don’t worry. The legacies of Rod McKuen and the fellow who wrote “Beautiful Bridge of the Silvery Tay” won’t be tarnished by this poetry–maybe.
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