Mary Worth, 6/29/11
So, this might not be the most outrageous moment in Mary Worth history — nobody died in a fiery car crash, or was lured into a sex den or thrown bodily out of a rehearsal dinner — but it’s delightfully shocking all the same. Mary has decided to help Liza by finding an outlet for her persistent nature! And by “persistent” we means “psychotic.” Liza will be the kind of salesperson who repeatedly calls you to urge you to buy whatever it is she’s peddling, shows up at your work and home unannounced with already filled out paperwork so you can “just finalize that deal we worked out,” and eventually rifle through your trash to find your signature, the better to forge it and close the sale with your consent. She’ll be a millionaire within a year!
Marmaduke, 6/29/11
Speaking of aggressive salespeople, Marmaduke has done pretty well in establishing this magazine shill as threatening with only some sunglasses and a leer. Not that he’ll be trouble for long, as Marmaduke is going to eat him in a minute.
Marvin, 6/29/11
“Oh, and in unrelated news, we dogs have managed to develop bipedalism and opposable digits. Combine that with our powers of telepathic communication and you humans are totally screwed!”
Spider-Man, 6/29/11
“Oh, that’s right, I had to fire everyone at the paper, because of the Internet. Welp, guess I’ll update the blog and call it a night!”
This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 29, 2011 at 08:43 am and is filed under Marmaduke, Marvin, Mary Worth, Spider-Man. | 213 responses to “” nescioJune 29th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]
B.C.- Wow, this is the biggest B.C. Fail in a long time. First of all, the word “own” in the first panel ruins the joke. Second, there’s no reason given why B.C. would want to lick his own feet. I presume that he and Thor are whisked away to some featureless alternate universe in panel two where his comment might make sense. Then they pop back into their usual universe in panel three, shocking the hell out of Wolf. And of course third, they adapted this from a joke in which a dog licks its private parts, which is apparently too dirty for the comics but at least made sense.
Effluvius ErratusJune 29th, 2011 at 8:50 am [Reply]
A3G: Is it really “stealing” if the girl in questions just kind of wanders off with you because you gave her a shiny-shiny?
GT: Oh, Hobart…you should have eased up.
Doctor HandsomeJune 29th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]
Holy shit, Marmaduke is about to murder Jeff Goldblum! This puts me in the very uncomfortable position of rooting for Marmaduke.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoJune 29th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
A&J: LOL!
Lio: Roc on!
NAoQV: ohhh, this could be fun.
CdS: this can’t end well. (but is likely to end loudly.)
OtH: attempts to attract Fashion Police, with predictable results.
9CL: did Rachmaninoff have a 1st Symphony?
AD: O_O indeed!
A3G: goodnight, everybody!!
Bizarro: I want a poster of that! ROFL!
LaCuc: heee! where’s my salt and lime? (oh, Helen Clark took them. . . new pool boy at her place, y’know.)
PBS: Mars/Venus, explained in 4 panels. Do yourself a favor, don’t read the book.
Zits: *Sam Elliot voice* “I’ll get all the sleep I need when I’m dead.” */Sam Elliot voice*
ArchieNemesisJune 29th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
MT: Please note that John Thrasher’s kick knocked the sheriff’s backpack clean off. Imagine if Thrasher had been wearing boots.
word-doctorJune 29th, 2011 at 8:58 am [Reply]
The tables are about to turn for Arnold Friend… if only Connie’d had a dorse like Marmaduke she’d be looking in the mirror instead of taking a dirt nap, or reading palms, or whatever post-innocence activities she’s partaking of.
LynnJune 29th, 2011 at 8:58 am [Reply]
Maybe the Daily Bugle workforce is concerned that the serious scaliness on the back of J. Jonah Jamison’s head is contagious.
Doctor HandsomeJune 29th, 2011 at 8:58 am [Reply]
J. Jonah Jameson: Left Behind
LiamJune 29th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]
MW-It is rather scary how I predicted Liza becoming a saleswoman.
Marmaduke-Lock up your children because tonight Marmaduke feeds.
MW-How are you going find a guy in two hours who has been exploring these mountains since he was a child and you only found him by falling into one of his traps?
A3G-”Oh that is alright mom, I like men anyways.”
FC-There is something inappropriate about the way the Dad is drawn holding Dolly.
Doctor HandsomeJune 29th, 2011 at 9:02 am [Reply]
Not only did the Bugle staff disappear, they absconded with the screens from their monitors and keys from their keyboards! I bet they even took the last can of Who Hash.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoJune 29th, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]
I just got a captcha that reminds me of several recent Love Is strips: “free alleyhoes”
Rocky StoneaxeJune 29th, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]
RMMD — Foster Woods = Cary Grant:
http://www.magnificentbastard.com/images/pics/cary-grant-gq.jpg
B.C. needs to stick to his own species:
http://www.gocomics.com/bc
Perhaps he should consider calling on Tia Carmen and/or Yenny Lopez (see below) if his “needs” aren’t being met!
Baldo/Yenny — I can’t wait to see the inevitable crossover strip where Tia Carmen and Yenny Lopez try on each other’s shoes:
http://www.gocomics.com/baldo
http://www.gocomics.com/yenny
S. StoutJune 29th, 2011 at 9:06 am [Reply]
Another lonely night at the Bugle. J.J. gets off on the “Vampire” story and declares it a big bust. He then has a nice smoke afterward. Yep, life sure can be lonely, even at the Bugle.
Scott BotJune 29th, 2011 at 9:07 am [Reply]
FW – You know, if those two kissing is bad enough that they could get fired, how exactly does Susan resigning save Les? I’m confused.
GT – Fat Albert is not amused.
MT – ‘I’ll give you two hours. By then my voice will have come down from a soprano, and I’ll be able to call my deputies without getting laughed at.’
S-M – Didn’t I see this on an episode of Twilight Zone? Or was it SpongeBob SquarePants?
cheech wizardJune 29th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]
MW -”Also, you aggressively pursue sexual relationships with co-workers, despite their repeated efforts to discourage you. How are you at telling dirty jokes and drinking?”
Rocky StoneaxeJune 29th, 2011 at 9:10 am [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#y245):
Oh, but that’s just the tip of the boner
Although I was really looking forward to some “serious discussion of the issue”, the second link led me to a site that’s still under construction. So how long do I have to wait before your boner comes to fruition?
Dennis JimenezJune 29th, 2011 at 9:11 am [Reply]
MW – Good call, Mar…. I’da gone another way – you like sex – you’re compulsive – hey, how about crack ho….
Marm – I don’ know why, but the guy at the door looks like he’s wearing one of those old motorcycle cop caps, too me – sign this ma’m – you’re not admitting anything – only promising to appear….
Marvin – That, or hog tranquilizer….
S-M – I guess ever form of refuge has it’s price….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
McManxJune 29th, 2011 at 9:18 am [Reply]
M Worth – Frighteningly, Mary has sprouted a second head out of her shoulder. Perhaps it is one of the souls she has eaten over the years.
Spiderman – Where has everyone gone? Well, first panel established that it is late night, so would we be thinking its past office hours? Afterall, the Daily Bugle doesn’t report any news except about Spiderman, and we all know Spiderman is incapable of producing any action newsworthy. So its a wonder anyone comes to work at all.
Spiderman – 2 — Why has Jonah spouted fish scales under his crewcut?
BC – Since Johnny Hart’s passing, the strip has somewhat gotten less preachy and more topical. Now it is taking a turn toward erotic masturbatory fetishes. The spinning sound you hear is Mr. Hart turning over in his grave…
cheech wizardJune 29th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#16): Forget that – I’m more concerned about the boner the Joker is preparing for you.
And if you’ve never browsed that full site, it’s well worth it. Superman is indeed a dick.
Calvin's Cardboard BoxJune 29th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
GT – Well, that wrapped up nicely. Learning that Hobart couldn’t ease up because of a personal grudge against his ex has completely solved the district’s budget issues! Turns out he was spending all the school tax revenue on private investigators and listening devices! Free raises and pensions for everyone!
The WazJune 29th, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]
Marm – So it might be safe to say that…In the jungle, the concrete jungle, the hell beast eats tonight?
DoodJune 29th, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]
Mary Worth: Great advice from a geriatric career coach. Tomorrow, Mary goes full-on Myers-Briggs on Liza.
pugfugglyJune 29th, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]
MW: Anyone get the feeling that Mary is just recruiting another underling for a consumer-product pyramid scheme? “You’re persistent, a good communicator, and have excellent colour sense. Did you know that most women don’t even know what colour palette suits thier skin tone best? Let me just zip out to my pink cadillac are grab my sample kit, and we can talk about what recruiting commission earnings can do for you….”
FlummoxicatedJune 29th, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]
Today’s MW was unintentionally hilarious, unless… hey, maybe Moy is changing the genre of “Mary Worth” from soap to a-gag-a-day. If so, I look forward to each strip ending with Dr. Jeff and the other characters breaking the fourth wall with bemused looks as Mary puns and jokes her way through Santa Royale.
DoodJune 29th, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]
Spider-Man: Why are J. Jonah Jameson’s sideburns and the back of his head all spider-webby looking?
Doctor HandsomeJune 29th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]
So, rawhide=methadone?
tb4000June 29th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]
MW: I never, ever want to see Mary Worth smirk with her eyebrow slightly cocked again.
un malpasoJune 29th, 2011 at 9:39 am [Reply]
MW: Actually, Mary’s on to something. Some of the most effective salespeople I have known throughout my newspaper career were great precisely because they were borderline stalkers. Makes them lousy friends, but good salesmen…
Just like Alex Baldwin said in “Glengarry Glen Ross”: “ABC. Always Be Closing.” As long as you don’t go beyond the restraining order.
Old School Allie CatJune 29th, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]
MW – “Also, you don’t listen very well and you lie, connive and misinterpret. You’re a natural for sales!” Or is that just the sales team at my company?
S4th – Oh, Hil – go get you some strange! Faye’s doing the same thing over on Fire Island.
FW – Hey Batuik, unlikeable protagonists are rarely successful. It’s called writing, asshole.
‘Shaft! – Dude, I called this. Not that it makes me smart, it just makes Batuik and Ayers predictable.
Darryl HeineJune 29th, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]
Not mentioned: Glad Dagwood in Blondie cleaned out the cooking section of a soon to close down BOOK BARN store!
Scott BotJune 29th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]
Tina’s Groove – Sadly, I know people that do this.
TheDivaJune 29th, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]
MW: Liza does not have “strong communicating skills.” “Communication” indicates receiving information as well as providing it, and Liza has this habit of conveniently avoiding or ignoring anything she doesn’t want to hear. Which come to think of it puts her on par with the guy who sold me my Mazda, so Mary’s still on the right track.
SM: Figures Jameson would be the only guy in the office to miss out on the Rapture.
9CL: I’m starting to become very disturbed by McEldowney’s portrayal of women. He spends seventy-five percent of the time drawing them as lithe, lovingly rendered pin-up girls, and the other twenty-five percent contorting their faces in nightmarish ways (Cf. Edda’s sad clown face in panel two). It’s as if he’s comfortable with women when he can admire (and fantasize about) their bodies, but gets scared if they exhibit any emotion higher than their solar plexus. It’s like he’s a verbose, pretentious version of a beer commercial protagonist.
FW: Every now and then, you come across something so stupid that you can’t even snark on it.
MT: Fucshia Shirt AWAY!
Zits: There are worse ways to go…
Esther BlodgettJune 29th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]
Crankshaft drove these kids to and from school for at least four years. He promised to pay for their college educations if they made good grades, and he made good on his promise. Now, four years later, a carload of young adults in caps and gowns shows up in his driveway, and he doesn’t have a clue who they are until they introduce themselves?
I call bullshit on that plot. I’ll just browse over to Funky Winkerbean to see how Batiuk’s handling the WRITING duties over there…
Oh. Oh, Lord Jesus.
At least the art in Funky saves the day. Look, you can actually see the moment where Les crushes Susan’s soul and inhales it to feed his foul aura. It’s details like that give the funnies their name. Well done, sir.
Poor ThompsonJune 29th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]
Aw, gee thanks Mary, just when I start thinking about buying a used car you go and give me another pushy sales associate to be wary of. Thanks a lot.
MibbitmakerJune 29th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]
BC: We’re not really talking about feet here, are we?
9CL: END, already! Just END! EN– hm, that was nice, reall– END!!!!!
A3G: “No, seriously, Paul! Kid’s a regular Don Juan! Your relationship may be in danger!”
S-M: Newt Gingrich feels your pain, Triple-J!
[Old Man] MuffarooJune 29th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]
9 – Okay, I’m completely lost. I can’t think of a single piece by Rachmaninoff that would fit the juvenile drama-club histrionics in this story arc. Points awarded, however, for spelling the composer’s name right.
AD – Classic displacement.
Wait, maybe he means the balls of their feet.
Close – Hardcore! The hemorrhoid society is meeting inside a giant rectum!
Gasoline – “Naw, ’tain’t him. It’s jest that Hammie kid. Hey, mebbe his maw won’t notice th’ diff’rence!”
T. ChicanaJune 29th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
FW: Nice, Les. Why don’t you just write a new book called, “What Not to Say to a Person Struggling with Mental Illness.”
I mean, REALLY. REALLY? “You crazy things up.” NIIIICEEEEE. Jackass.
MW: It’s true. To succeed in sales you have to be a natural stalker who won’t take no for an answer. Good call, Mary. Meddle completed.
[Old Man] MuffarooJune 29th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
Pluggers – A plugger’s T-shirt could serve as emergency shelter for a family of three, as long as they’re not pluggers.
Mary – “Persistent” means you can smell her after she’s been gone for twenty minutes.
@Liam (#9): MW-How are you going find a guy in two hours who has been exploring these mountains since he was a child and you only found him by falling into one of his traps?
Mary’s pretty incredible that way!
Seriously, just follow the moccasin tracks! Now with extra talcum powder!!
June 29th, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]
@Liam (#9): I also predicted a career in sales. I’m beginning to suspect that Mary is a Curmudgeon.
Scott BotJune 29th, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]
Pluggers get their clothing custom made at Fred’s Tent and Awning.
PozzoJune 29th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]
Peter loved the “Vampire” assignment. He could spend a week watching TV, then come in and tell Jameson that he took a bunch of pictures, but they didn’t turn out, because you can’t photograph vampires. Sweet!
Esther BlodgettJune 29th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]
GT: This has been Requiem for a Hobart. *company bow*
Popeye: Would it have the same effect if you brought B.C. over to lick the Oid’s feet?
MW: Mary’s almost got Liza talked into signing up for Amway, but Liza spoils the moment by pulling Mary’s finger.
kkarenbJune 29th, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]
Snuffy Smith – Credit where credit is due. The strip correctly uses “yo’re” instead of “yore.” It’s easy to get them confused.
Pluggers – I call bullshit. If he can still get into that shirt, that means he was that enormous fifteen years ago. Why isn’t he dead?
Scott BotJune 29th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]
MW – Liza’s gonna get her shit together, cause she can’t live like this forever. She’s come this far, and she don’t wanna fail, she’s got a new computer and a bright future in sales.
RangerJune 29th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]
Is The Bugle independently owned? I’ve always wondered if there was some mega conglomerate funding them or if JJJ is the sole proprietor. If its corporate, then he must be the only shareholder because JJJ really has no fucking clue what’s going on.
MibbitmakerJune 29th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]
EVIL JERKASS A-HOLE dept.
FW: Oh, THAT was the sensible, sensitive thing to say, lovely Les! And putting Cayla in the middle of this horror show, too! Les, you’re douchier than the douchiest douchebag! You’re a vile one, Mr. Moore! I hate you!!!
MW: The ghost of Aldo is so thoroughly disgusted now, he’s finally, completely over Mary now!
Luann: I want in on this “Death to TJ” thing, Mordock. I’m talking Navy Seals Team 6, here!
Just Call Me EJune 29th, 2011 at 10:23 am [Reply]
FW: Maybe Susan is not so crazy after all – she is escaping Westview before getting cancer!
MibbitmakerJune 29th, 2011 at 10:24 am [Reply]
Popeye: That’s what Bluto said.
HotC: Strip takes an uncomfortably dark turn…
GT: Aw, now I really want to see “grudge tying”, maybe in the Olympics! Hobart already made the strawman finals.
(I’m not a fan of budget slashing, myself, Rubin, but you’re deep in Wiley Miller territory here. Wonderfully ridiculous character in Hobart, though. Aldo, Torgo, and Ortega would be proud)
June 29th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]
spider squee. (my apologies to the listed 10%)
Jinkys! (Rule 34, PG-13, prolly NSFW, I’m still ROFLing.)
Spider-Pony?
corgi eyes.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoJune 29th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]
I iz nawt plush toi! (bonus brainmelting corgsqui.)
DoodJune 29th, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]
Apartment 3-G:
Wally: “It’s perfume and it smells like lemons and I bought it myself.”
Lu Ann: “Really? I have no idea what it is!”
Paul (to his mother): “Seriously, she has no freakin’ clue.”
Calvin's Cardboard BoxJune 29th, 2011 at 10:32 am [Reply]
9CL – Actually, English works perfectly well. “She was a virgin when you fucked her”. There, see how easy that was? No words of more than two syllables. Plus I saved you at least a week’s worth of overwrought piano playing spread across multiple panels.
AnonymousJune 29th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]
What’s up with the rawhide bone in the FIRST panel of Marvin? It looks like he’s supposed to be talking while he chews on it, like a cigar, but it’s nowhere near his actual mouth–only his protruding upper lip. Perhaps he wears it, pierced, like a lip stud? But then the far tip of it is still visible behind his cheek in the last panel. Is that really his ear there then? Making the rawhide bone, what, stuck to his cheek, glued there from gnawing on it and then falling asleep on it?
Mark BJune 29th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]
FW: Oh God. Please please let Susan say “There’s just one more thing I intended to do before I left Westview …” and pull out a gun and off Les. That would be the logical plot development.
RadarJune 29th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]
Sorry, that last post was me.
RadarJune 29th, 2011 at 10:34 am [Reply]
Bah! And by “last post,” I mean #53.
Mark BJune 29th, 2011 at 10:34 am [Reply]
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#52): Maybe she could play a little Madonna instead of Rachmaninoff, if she can’t say it out loud.
Not Just Any DipstickJune 29th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]
@kkarenb (#43): Maybe you missed the memo. All pluggers have been dead for, well, ever since the strip started. Explains a lot, and that you see dead people.
Mark BJune 29th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]
@Radar (#55): So, I’m Radar now?
seismic-2June 29th, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]
MW: If you think this blog is being spammed a lot now, just wait until Cheap Jerseys hires our gal Liza. Uncle Lumpy, you’ve met your match! Thanks a lot, Mary.
Marm: Somehow today’s panel looks awfully familiar. I think it was the opening scene in a ’70s porno. Didn’t Marmaduke used to be a donkey?
MibbitmakerJune 29th, 2011 at 10:43 am [Reply]
@Mark B (#59): I don’t know, but I think you confused Henry Blake again.
But What Do I Know?June 29th, 2011 at 10:43 am [Reply]
DtM — In fairness to Dennis, he’s just repeating something he heard his father say behind a closed bedroom door last night. . .
MT — Why two hours? Does the Sheriff of Nottingham need that much time for his vision to clear after that kick?
The Ghost Who is Configured — Those classes in poststructuralism are really paying off, huh kid?
MW — “You have a persistent nature and strong communication skills.” Just like Adolf Hitler! (the real one, not the Marmaduke one)
RMMD — The old guy might make it though–his big advantage is that Rex is not his doctor!
MyUsernamesMudJune 29th, 2011 at 10:49 am [Reply]
Now what exactly is spidey supposed to be doing in that photo, a hoedown? Maybe Jameson is trying to connect him to the anarchic lawlessness and pagan ritual murders up in hootin holler
Calvin's Cardboard BoxJune 29th, 2011 at 10:49 am [Reply]
@Mark B (#57):
I suppose they could, but I don’t think anyone in this strip needs additional encouragement to strike a pose.
Or was it a different Madge song you had in mind?
DiggerJune 29th, 2011 at 10:51 am [Reply]
SM: Maybe the reason everybody left is because their jackass boss continues to flout the law by smoking his cigars in the workplace.
Marm: Notice the salesman has one foot inside the door. I believe that means anything Marmaduke does to him is perfectly legal.
GregJune 29th, 2011 at 10:52 am [Reply]
Spider-Man: Speaking of blazes, that cigar shooting out of your mouth should do nicely, Jameson. Now go call your insurance agent and be done with it!
Ned RyersonJune 29th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]
@Dood (#51): “It’s perfume and it smells like lemons and I bought it myself.”
Now that’s a t-shirt I would buy.
Am I mistaken or did Wally just give Lu Ann a can of Pledge?
Baka GaijinJune 29th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]
Mary Worth: As Liza toddles off to Herbalife to monetize her persistent nature, Mary mentally prepares her shopping list for the salmon squares she’ll be baking for tomorrow’s pool party.
Sally Forth: It doesn’t take an R2 unit to see that Hil will be smitten with that dainty-wristed sensitive boy [cough]Elektra complex[cough].
commodorejohnJune 29th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]
Agnes – Phrase to work into conversation: “I’m not varnishing your nose.”
A3G – Uh-oh, Wally, your foray into the mysterious concept of “box, which contains things” has Luann frozen with bafflement! (Well, not that that’s hard.) Someone may have to whack her upside the head to reboot. [*]
Curtis – What a bunch of assholes.
DT – So is that line-of-sight thing a moon power, or did she learn it from Henry?
FC – Okay, seriously, she’s the size of a two-year-old here. If even. I can draw people to better scale than this.
FW – Christ, what a motherfucking asshole.
GT – Fun fact: Gil just made the restraining-order thing up, knowing that as soon as his enemies smelled blood in the water, the feeding frenzy would turn them upon Hobart. Farewell, sweet-mustached prince! A flight of accountants sing thee to thy rest!
JP – The bust of Abraham Lincoln frowns at your casual disregard for human life, Internet!
Lockhorns – Step 1: cut out today’s Lockhorns. Step 2: refer to the clipping every time someone encourages you to look into Twitter.
Luann – Hey, TJ, if you’ll keep justifiably abusing Brad to his face, I’ll look into some form of subsidy.
MW – I’m trying to think of a joke here, but honestly I can’t think of anything so absurd that it’s not plausible for some significant percentage of the real-life sales profession. “Okay, I know you’ve said multiple times that you’re not interested and will call the police if I don’t stop calling you, but our sales agreement is just going through a rough patch! We’ll get over it!” See? [*]
Peanuts – Why have I never seen this one before? I love it.
Popeye – …………
SF – Muttering angrily to oneself is the way to attract the attention of the opposite sex? Damn, and here I thought it was going to be a problem all these years!
MibbitmakerJune 29th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]
Curtis: Oh, so it’s not really about teaching responsibilty, providing useful income, or readying him for the realities of adult life. It really IS a spite move! Curtis, they’re all just robbing you of childhood and laughing at your expense.
Even 9CL has more likable characters than this (Solange, that is)!
June 29th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]
The reason nobody’s there is because the office has been quarantined so nobody catches the disease that’s transforming JJJ into a fish.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoJune 29th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]
neat story for Poteet and other nature fans. (also for any tennis fans, and/or haterz of pigeons.)
Alan's AddictionJune 29th, 2011 at 11:00 am [Reply]
Was this whole Mary Worth storyline worth it if there wasn’t a fiery explosion or the emotional hobbling of another human being? I don’t know, but Mary’s sleazy, creepy expression in the second panel is definitely a mark in favor of this story. Look at it; that expression cunningly combines the infamous “pull-my-finger” gesture from the Uncle Sam recruitment posters with the smug confidence of a used-car salesman. I imagine this is Mary’s same facial expression to convince innocent children into the back of her windowless van, where she drinks their blood. Also, I’d like to know exactly what “communication skills” Liza has displayed. So far, it’s just her talking at people, ignoring them, and then continuing on with her psychotic schemes; that’s not communication, that’s… Damn, that’s EXACTLY what Mary does. RUN FOR IT, LIZA! Mary’s looking for a protégé, and she’s got you in her sights!
One of the nice things about comic strips is that they can’t definitely show you where a character’s looking. This comes in handy with today’s “Marmaduke,” because I can imagine that he’s staring at his nameless female owner and contemplating devouring her instead of the salesman. She is, after all, the closer of the two meat lumps, and I don’t think hellhounds are capable of distinguishing friend from foe. I desperately need this interpretation to be right, because if Marmaduke even accidentally goes after the threatening salesman and commits an altruistic or benevolent act, it will totally shatter all my perceptions and thoughts on the character.
Quick question about today’s “Marvin:” if the dog is thinking at Marvin, why the hell does his mouth need to open? Also, I approve of demeaning Marvin by feeding him dog treats; I hope they continue that diet of abuse and neglect.
In today’s “Spider-Man,” I’d like to draw everyone’s attention away from J. Jonah Jameson’s neck in that last panel, in which it appears he has scales, and back to the first panel. It looks as if he’s throwing away a photo of a dancing Spider-Man. How is that not better than any pseudo-vampire story?
June 29th, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#36): Mr. Rachmaninoff sends his deepest appreciation for your kind remark.
Rocky StoneaxeJune 29th, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#33): I call bullshit
@kkarenb (#43): I call bullshit
It’s all relative:
http://www.progressivepuppy.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/07/20/elephant_toilet.jpg
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]
@wossname (Y#285): Why are you surprised to find an extra bust in Judge Parker?
WraithJune 29th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]
Maybe Marvin should take that rawhide bone, if only to keep from severing his tongue when the shakes get worse.
Walker of DogJune 29th, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]
@kkarenb (#43): Fifteen years of morbid obesity and still breathing! A gold medal in not dying!
SequelManJune 29th, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]
@TheDiva (#32): …and in Pibgorn Brooke has his female character throttled into unconsciousness leaving her on the ground with her legs spread open for the evil antagonist… not for the first time. Guy’s got issues.
Scott BotJune 29th, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]
S-M – Oh, this is Peter Parker’s boss? I thought it was General Ripper, and that he’d forgotten that he sent the entire wing out to attack the Soviets.
Rocky StoneaxeJune 29th, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#72):
also for any tennis fans, and/or haterz of pigeons.
But pigeons are funny!
http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=6Chix
Little GuyJune 29th, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]
GT: Coming next January – the supervillian with a Restraining Order against the Coach — THE HOBART!
S-M: This is either Rapture Day at the Bugle or a total collective awareness to J^3’s continual abuse. Or both.
Big Nate: Either a 100 or a zero with a detention.
Zits: Elly Patterson and the Burbers just called. They want you to ease up and tone it down, bitch.
M-T: So, Felonious Fists O’ Justice don’t count?
DickyJune 29th, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]
SF – Run, Hil! Though you might be attracted to him now, he has hands like your father! Who knows what else he might share with him!? And the fast growing into his head between panels two and three, also; it’ll be a May-December romance before long.
Blondie – Dagwood’s experience with that kind of sale is not on par with my own experiences. 25% is enough to move plenty of merchandise and 50% means that the selection will be almost nil. Higher cuts are almost unheard of and pretty much never enjoyed.
DoodJune 29th, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]
Mary Worth: This meddle pays off when Mary pens her best-selling business motivational book, “Who Moved My Salmon Squares?”
nerowolfgalJune 29th, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]
MW – Actually Mary has already succeeded with dealing with Drew’s stalker. After Mary extends her fifteen minute break into two days plus with her little chat, Liza no longer has a job at the hospital.
DoodJune 29th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#80): Precious bodily fluids, Mandrake.
Rocky StoneaxeJune 29th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]
@kkarenb (#43):
If he can still get into that shirt, that means he was that enormous fifteen years ago. Why isn’t he dead?
Because Pluggers thrive on tragedy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centennial_Olympic_Park_bombing
Noel SchornhorstJune 29th, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]
Jolly jovial J. Jonah Jameson probably yelled at everyone to go out and get pictures of that web-headed MENACE… then forgot and wondered where everyone went.
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]
Bizarro’s tribute to the late Harry Carey.
cheech wizardJune 29th, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]
MW – That’s not persistence – that’s OCD. That’s why she went into hursing in the first place, after someone else observed she was constantly washing her hands.
IrischanoJune 29th, 2011 at 11:33 am [Reply]
Is Marvin going to do its own version of Trainspotting? Because that movie had enough fecal matter as it is.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoJune 29th, 2011 at 11:34 am [Reply]
@Sequitur (#89): “and it’s root, root, root for the Mag-gots, if they don’t win it’s a shame!”
DoodJune 29th, 2011 at 11:34 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#92): Holy cow! Lemme hear ya!
Rocky StoneaxeJune 29th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]
@Sequitur (#89):
I think it looks more like Irving Swifty Lazar:
http://apture.s3.amazonaws.com/0000012817700805daac1677007f000000000001.swifty.jpg
Walker of DogJune 29th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]
A3G: The blondeness – it burns!
GT: “Only room on that ledge for one, Hobart.” Taken aback, Hobart pauses a moment, then realizes that Sonya is right. He drives to New York, climbs to the roof of a certain Broadway theater, finds Emma St. John, and pushes her off. King of the mountain!
RMMD: Rex tries to play it cool, but he’s startled by Foster’s statement. He didn’t even know livers had legs. Damn, back to WedMD.
MW: Liza: “Wait…I’ve got all those contacts at the hospital… and my access card. Casket Salesperson of the Year, here I come!”
CalicoJune 29th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]
3G – So the kid bough Luann some cirtrus-scented DEET. I guess it really is the thought that counts.
CalicoJune 29th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]
* bought
Artist formerly known as BenJune 29th, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]
MW: “So I have the forms for that condo in Ocala you had your eye on.”
“I’m not interested in a condo.”
“No, of course not. With your growing family you need a two story house.”
“Stop calling me.”
“You’re right. Phone calls are so impersonal. Why don’t we meet for lunch?’
(BTW, Josh, I think you mean without their consent.)
M-Dawg: The first thing a salesman needs to do is establish a rapport with the prospective client. It’s hard to do that without eye contact. So this smarmy youngster needs to doff the shades before he rings the doorbell.
Of course the second thing a salesman needs to do is avoid houses where flames and the smell of sulphur emanate from the doghouse.
SM: Whatever Triple-J is doing, it’s already more interesting that what’s going on with Big Boss or with Spidey himself. High threshhold, I know.
A3G: Well it’s actually a lemon-scented air-freshener stick, but Wally thinks it’s perfume. As it turns out the big change Judy the psychic talked about will be Lu Ann’s reunion with the son she gave up for adoption.
Phantom: “Just keep moving those hands around, kid. Aaaaaaah, that’s the stuff.”
BB: Miss Buxley is a modern, urbane woman, and she can deal with the fact that her nominal boyfriend is Sarge’s bottom. But when their violent sodomy threatens to tip over her windowbox, well, she’s got to draw the line somewhere.
FW: Oh. No. He. Di’nt.
Hey Susan, being certifiable and everything maybe you can beat Les to death with one of those books and claim the voices told you to do it.
SSmith: Guess your maw wants you to be prepared to act like the 70-year-old lady you’re already starting to resemble.
JP: How cute. Katherine still has the bust of Abraham Lincoln she used to practice kissing on.
Shoe: Ah yes, a near-universal part of childhood. Having your obese couch-potato uncle send you out for pot.
S4th: Shaggy hair. Delicate wrists. If it’s true that women wind up marrying their fathers, I think we just met the future Mr. Hillary Forth. If the word “Jedi” comes out of his mouth we’ll know for sure.
TophatJune 29th, 2011 at 11:46 am [Reply]
What in blazes?? Where is everybody?! Unrelatedly, why has the back of my head grown scales and where did I get this eskimo hair cigar?
Walker of DogJune 29th, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]
9CL: Your mission: sneak onto the edge of panel 4 and knock away the lid prop.
FW: Your foreplay makes me uncomfortable. “Yep, that’s what Cayla says. You know Cayla, right – my new girlfriend? She’s the one I chose over you. Anyway, did I mention that we totally did it?! Yep, right on the bed. I was awesome, just like you’ve always imagined – she didn’t vomit or anything!”
MT: When the pastoral buffoon (Marcus trailius) becomes anxious or agitated, it displays telltale skunk markings on its cranial fur as a warning signal to potential predators. Further provocation may result in the release of a noxious spray from its scent glands (scientific term: anus justicia).
Pseudo3DJune 29th, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]
Phantom – Hacker Potter sure likes to hear himself talk.
Luann – Well, Brad, your boss told you it was for “budget reasons”, but I think it really WAS your incompetence.
AnonymousJune 29th, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]
Why is Jameson tossing a picture of Spider Man away while talking about the vampire story, and not say, a picture of Morbius or that other one?
Scott BotJune 29th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]
Luann – Well, in a way it was for budgetary reasons. The department couldn’t afford to have someone as dangerously stupid as Brad working for them.
Buck RipsnortJune 29th, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]
FW “Like my REAL girlfriend says, You’re CRAAAAZY! Like when you tried to kill yourself, and then stalked me, like a crazy per– say, what’re you doing w/ that knife?”
kkarenbJune 29th, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]
@Not Just Any Dipstick (#58):
I hope that doesn’t mean I’m a Plugger.
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#98):
Re S4th – The attendants at their wedding will be robot monkeys.
June 29th, 2011 at 12:11 pm [Reply]
MW- Liza’s 15 minute break has turned into a week, or at least an hour in comics time. Heed Mary’s advice and seek employment elsewhere, as your job is dead. Symbolic of the horse-drawn hearse in panel one.
BB- I thoroughly enjoy the lazy irresponsible Beetle’s weekly beatings by Sarge.
RMMD- The boat, Rex, the boat!! Shake the old booze hound and focus on the boat.
The Silhouette CrusaderJune 29th, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]
You’re persistent, you have great people skills, and probably a nursing degree that cost you several thousand dollars and several years of your life. Of course you’re cut out for an entry level sales position!
Ned RyersonJune 29th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]
RMMD: So Rex isn’t going to get Joe a better breakfast up here, is he?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoJune 29th, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]
@Dood (#93):
I was going to mention the rumor of Harry, Helen Clark and Miguel Cabrera ending up under the same table at a famous Chicago eatery, but some fact checking revealed that Miggy was only 5 when Carey died, which casts some doubt about the story in question.
BigTedJune 29th, 2011 at 12:27 pm [Reply]
I think the Fonzie-like greaser is actually trying to sell Marmaduke’s family on a newspaper subscription from 1959 — when the comics page was huge, I tell ya, huge!
TaquelliJune 29th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]
I feel sorry for the guy who works at the Bugle in the first desk on the right. The newspaper business is so bad that he has to work on a Chinese-knockoff MakBook while sitting in a folding chair. I’d walk out whenever I had the chance too.
Frank Lee MeidereJune 29th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]
@The Silhouette Crusader (#107): We have little reason to believe that Liza went through any training at all for her nursing job. If Drew can just walk in and start doctoring, surely she could have walked in and started nursing. The truth is, her supervisor is going to be quite surprised when she tries firing Liza, only to be told by HR that no such person works there.
MeheJune 29th, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]
FW: les, you insufferable asshole, this is the woman that ensured your marriage to Cancer Queen!
DoodJune 29th, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]
Spider-Man: What’s J. Jonah Jameson’s hair rolling on the Stimpmeter today?
Frank Lee MeidereJune 29th, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]
9CL: So Seth was the first person Fred slept with. What’s so almighty giggly about that? I just don’t understand. Of course, I’m also not ten years old, so maybe that’s a factor.
Rocky StoneaxeJune 29th, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]
Pluggers —
1996: Pluggers get fatter and America gets scarier!
http://www.coverbrowser.com/image/time/3838-1.jpg
Mr. MagooJune 29th, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]
S-M: It’s nice to see that the writers of Spider-man are becoming self-aware in their evaluation of the vampire story as a Big Bust.
Frank Lee MeidereJune 29th, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#115): And I meant, “Ferd” not “Fred.”
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 12:47 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#118): For all we know, “Fred” may have been correct as well.
TheDivaJune 29th, 2011 at 12:51 pm [Reply]
@Mibbitmaker (#70): I usually don’t read non-Kwanzaa Curtis (as I find the characters irritating, but not irritating enough to create bile fascination a la Funky Winkerbean), but the commentary here prompted me to peek in and I must say I’m baffled. Just how old is Curtis, anyway? The general evidence suggests he’s not out of elementary school, which makes him ineligible for just about any job that isn’t a paper route or babysitting. (Do kids even do paper routes anymore?) Do his parents know they’re promoting illegal child labor? Or is this just a set-up for a “Curtis tries to be a babysitter, hilarity ensues” plot? I hope it’s not the latter; watching Curtis toil eighteen hours in a sweatshop would be a laugh riot by comparison.
Rocky StoneaxeJune 29th, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#115):
So Seth was the first person Fred slept with.
Seth slept with Fred?
http://www.sitcomboy.com/Fred1.jpg
Effluvius ErratusJune 29th, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]
@Mehe (#113) and others: Come on now, people. Les is just following Dale Carnegie’s advice to show your marks friends that you know and care about them as people. The trick is to focus in on a single, defining trait and not let it go. With Susan, he jokes about her mental health issues to let her know, “Hey, I remember when you tried to kill yourself over me, and isn’t it good that I’m over it now?” With Funky, he probably slips vodka into his Cokes, his way of saying, “I know how much you love this stuff.” And with Cayla, well, he got her a very nice nose-bone for her birthday.
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#122): Nose-bone? Now there’s a sexual act I don’t want to know anything about.
Sans SenseJune 29th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]
RMMD:
Rex: Sounds complicated. Hey Foster, you got a boat by any chance?
Effluvius ErratusJune 29th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#123): It’s the only orifice he isn’t positively swimming in.
Geek ReduxJune 29th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]
S-M “That vampire story turned out to be a big bust!” This maybe the single most spot-on self-aware panel in the history of comics. Now replace “vampire” with “Spider-Man” and they’ll be able to use it over and over again.
Baka GaijinJune 29th, 2011 at 1:02 pm [Reply]
@Dood (#51): Actually LuAnn’s befuddled expression is appropriate. This time. She’s wondering how the kid could shove a can of Lemon Pledge into a box that small.
@Ned Ryerson (#67): I thought of the above before I read your comment.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoJune 29th, 2011 at 1:02 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#123): Rule 34-j: There is hentai of it. . . .
*goes off to find the brain bleach*
Joe, the Upper-Evergreen GuyJune 29th, 2011 at 1:06 pm [Reply]
FW: “Yep. You really crazy things up, Susan. I mean, in a real nutball sort of way. A screwball, in a crackpot. With flakes. And crackers! The suicidal insanity never stops! ha ha!”
Ned RyersonJune 29th, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]
Spidey: That empty room at the Bugle is reminiscent of the mocked up Bugle offices that you file past when you’re waiting in line to ride the Spiderman ride at Universal Studios. (Thanks to the soul who was bored enough to take a picture.) I don’t know why I thought of this, other than it being empty and anachronistic.
(Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if the Spiderman ride was actually based on “newspaper Spiderman” and not “movie Spiderman”?)
Effluvius ErratusJune 29th, 2011 at 1:09 pm [Reply]
@Geek Redux (#126):
“That vampire story turned out to be a big bust!”
Wait, I thought Martine couldn’t be photographed!
@Sequitur (#123): Truthfully, I was trying to make Les out to be an unreconstructed racist, but only succeeded in making myself out to be a racist. Thanks for the out, though.
gnome de blogJune 29th, 2011 at 1:14 pm [Reply]
So Susan, whose mental health everyone questions, turns out to be the smartest, sanest Westviewer since Cindy Summers. She’s getting out of town.
Frank Lee MeidereJune 29th, 2011 at 1:14 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#121): And he’s got some ’splainin’ to do.
Baka GaijinJune 29th, 2011 at 1:32 pm [Reply]
Pluggers: Ever wonder how a big fat Plugger can stay a big fat live Plugger for so long? Knowledge is Power. *
Frazz: I can never get enough of Mrs. Olson’s bun flying off.
Beetle Bailey: Get some Extra-Strength Listerine to Sarge, STAT!
* And that’s just for one day.
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 1:33 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#131): ~~grinz~~
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 1:37 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#134): My overweight sister-in-law had two pill containers, one for morning one for evening, just like the Plugger, and she died at age 65 of multiple complications. She was not a Plugger, however. She was a Foodie.
CrankenstankJune 29th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]
I’d prefer thinking that the entire staff has been raptured, and J. Jonah Jameson is alone among the Left Behind. Except, of course, for Peter Parker, who will be showing up in Friday’s strip to bear the bad news that JJ and PP are going to be alone, sharing the planet earth, for the rest of their days.
Baka GaijinJune 29th, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#136): Sorry about Sis, glad she wasn’t a Plugger.
LiamJune 29th, 2011 at 1:51 pm [Reply]
Les Moore’s World-That’s it Les just drive her back to suicide.
BC-Feet licking is a euphamism for something else.
Sans SenseJune 29th, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]
9CL: Thanks for being the epitome of juvenile and pretentious simultaneously. Rachmaninoff indeed! She should be banging out the theme music to Benny Hill.
Sans SenseJune 29th, 2011 at 1:59 pm [Reply]
@Sans Sense (#140): But that’s an insult to Benny Hill…
Ned RyersonJune 29th, 2011 at 2:01 pm [Reply]
As for the hair on the back of J. Jonah Jameson’s head, someone said it looked like spiderwebs and someone else mentioned fish scales, but my first thought was that it looked like the feathers on the back end of a duck (like this, for example).
AustriaJune 29th, 2011 at 2:02 pm [Reply]
@TheDiva (#120): I don’t think traditional paper routes exist anymore. From my experience, they’re all delivered by people in cars that toss them out the window.
FW: With each passing day of this strip, I become more and more convinced that suicide is going to happen. I’m also becoming more and more convinced that Les is deliberately pushing it along so he can write Susan’s Story and make twenty thousand dollars of money.
MW: “Hello! My name’s Liza, would you like to invest in a timeshare?”
“No, thank you. We already have one.”
“That’s okay, we can work over this hurdle! I’ll call you back!!!”
SF: “Stupid party. Boring adults. Flavorful burger…” THIS is the reason I love Sally Forth.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoJune 29th, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]
hoverpiglets.
seespotbitejaneJune 29th, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]
All I saw was the caption “Nights can be lonely, even at the Daily Bugle,” and J.J.J. at his desk with a picture of Spiderman. Then my brain shut down to protect itself.
Chip WhittleJune 29th, 2011 at 2:04 pm [Reply]
@Dicky (#83):
Blondie – Dagwood’s experience with that kind of sale is not on par with my own experiences. 25% is enough to move plenty of merchandise and 50% means that the selection will be almost nil. Higher cuts are almost unheard of and pretty much never enjoyed.
But it is the last week of the store’s being in business. The Borders near me that shut got to about 80 or 90% off its last weeks. Yeah, the stock was dire at that point, but the real cleaning out of the store didn’t really move before the discounts were 50%. And The Chili Dog Mystery sounds dire to me.
Apartment 3-G: Aw, isn’t that cute? Horrifying Homonuculus Child Photocopied From Panel To Panel Linski thinks a small bottle of lemon-scented dishwashing liquid is “perfume”! And so does Lu Ann!
Funky Winkerbean: Aw, isn’t that cute? Susan “Crazy Things Up” Smith is getting out of Westview to go to work despairing in Montoni’s.
The Phantom: Aw, isn’t that cute? E. Chesley Bowe has been holding onto a wax mannequin of The Ghost Who Walks for three days without noticing?
Pluggers: Aw, isn’t that cute? Pluggers don’t know why they stopped holding Olympics after 1996 when there’s dozens of cities in the U.S. that haven’t held one yet.
Ned RyersonJune 29th, 2011 at 2:05 pm [Reply]
9CL: I don’t know WTF you’re talking about, that sounds like Victor Borge to me.
tallyHOJune 29th, 2011 at 2:07 pm [Reply]
Today, on a special episode of SHOE
The missing fourth panel:
“Get out the Green Chair, Old Man! It’s your turn to harvest the weed!”
That was today’s special episode of SHOE….
In this Love Is…imagine seeing a very interested Ziggy grinning from ear-to-ear and smugly strutting around the couple as Dionne Warwick’s song “Walk On By” is playing. And, if that is too hard or too much, imagine Christopher Walkin walking around them instead.
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 2:08 pm [Reply]
@Sans Sense (#140): How about the Animaniacs theme song?
GregJune 29th, 2011 at 2:11 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#69): FW: What a motherfucking asshole. So, so true. Let this be the end of the matter.
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 2:12 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#144): …when pigs fly!
The Spectacular Spider-BrickJune 29th, 2011 at 2:12 pm [Reply]
WoI: Did nobody notice that “Operation Odyssey Dawn,” the name of Id’s bombing campaign against the Huns, was the actual name of the U.S. bombing campaign in Libya? I don’t know whether it’s harder to wrap my brain around the idea that Moammar Gaddafi = Genghis Khan, or that a supposedly medieval kingdom has fighter-bombers.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoJune 29th, 2011 at 2:13 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#149): we’re Edda-maniacs. . . .
Red GreenbackJune 29th, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]
Going by J. Jonah Jameson’s pose in panel two, I’d venture to say his pet name for his ass-crack is “city room”.
Artist formerly known as BenJune 29th, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]
@nescio (#1): True that the joke makes no sense in this bowdlerized form, unless foot-licking really does it for you.
cheech wizardJune 29th, 2011 at 2:17 pm [Reply]
FW – A clean break from Westview? Susan, are you sure you don’t mean a clean break from your seventh vertebrae? Because this is FW after all, and it’s been awhile since anybody died, or even got cancer. Failure, gloom and depression can only carry the strip for so long, y’know.
DoodJune 29th, 2011 at 2:21 pm [Reply]
Spider-Man: Ha, like J. Jonah Jamson knows from big busts. Has he ever been to Spencer Farms?
bats :[June 29th, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]
@Liam (#9): re FC: yeah, I thought so, too.
DoodJune 29th, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]
Spider-Man: I like J. Jonah Jameson’s mock surprise of seeing an empty city room. He knows everyone’s lined up behind him to kiss his butt.
Chip WhittleJune 29th, 2011 at 3:05 pm [Reply]
Boomerangs: Yeah, that teenage slang is such a weird and baffling thing; I mean, who could possibly be expected to take “I clicked like” as somehow indicating the liking of something?
Short-form question: was this a more clueless “Teenage Internet Words They So Awful” strip than Sunday’s Momma was? Why or why not?
Herb and Jamaal: Herb and/or Jamaal couldn’t decide whether to get a tattoo or get married? Who has either-or problems like that? It’s kind of like “Should I buy new sneakers, or move to Taipei?”
I’d expect Herb and/or Jamaal to have a tattoo that’s just an empty, unmarked patch of skin.
Reply All: “Besides abandonment issues and a tendency toward catastrophizing, what brings you here today?” “Well, I always wanted to talk to an anthropomorphic stack of hay, didn’t you?”
Ripley’s Believe It Or Not: Well, this stops me from going swimming in the Black Sea. I don’t know how I want to die, but “attacked by killer shrimp” isn’t it.
Rudy Park: See, it’s funny because it calls Ann Coulter mannish, which is not at all sexist, much less insulting to everyone who doesn’t fit 1950’s gender stereotypes!
This GuyJune 29th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]
9CL: Rachmaninoff… so whatever she’s saying, we know it’s annoyingly schmaltzy.
Pluggers: I really hate it when I share a trait with these horrible man-animals, but at least I have the excuse of living here and having attended those Olympics. Also, Patricia Martin?
Government CheeseJune 29th, 2011 at 3:09 pm [Reply]
SM: Why does Jameson have fish scales for hair on the back of his head?
MW: A happy ending perhaps? I thought it would be better suited for Liza is she became an assassin. First target: Chinbeard.
Luann: Can we go back to how TJ is making his money and talking Charlie Brown’s older brother into stupid scams?
bats :[June 29th, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]
I (usually) don’t like to rag on illustrators’ work (delivering a regular panel of realistically-drawn characters can’t be easy), but Lu Ann’s Bobble-Head is kind freakin’ me out today. Has she never seen a child before? Is the shiny ribbon distracting her?
seismic-2June 29th, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]
S-M: The City Room emptied out fast, just as most other offices would do when the Creature from the Black Lagoon walks in.
Little GuyJune 29th, 2011 at 3:24 pm [Reply]
S-M: They’re all out watching the “Daily Bugle” parodies on YouTube.
(pause)
I’ll wait for that to hit….
Uncle LumpyJune 29th, 2011 at 3:45 pm [Reply]
@Government Cheese (#162):
Target: Chinbeard!
Starring Meg Ryan and C. Everett Koop. I would watch the hell outta that movie.
Marion DelgadoJune 29th, 2011 at 3:47 pm [Reply]
Spiderman works at such an upright, Christian newspaper that literally only the publisher, J. Jonah Jameson, was not Raptured.
Dennis JimenezJune 29th, 2011 at 4:03 pm [Reply]
@Marion Delgado (#167): J. Jonah Jameson, Left Behind – by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins….
Esther BlodgettJune 29th, 2011 at 4:13 pm [Reply]
I laughed at Argyle Sweater today. Also, I have a feeling that today’s strip might generate complaints, if anyone who reads Argyle Sweater understood it. Uh…other than me, I guess.
Écureuil ÉcumantJune 29th, 2011 at 4:20 pm [Reply]
A3G: Perfume that smells like lemons? You know the sinuous names they give perfumes. This must be “Not Tonight, Dear, I Have A Kumquat”.
Baka GaijinJune 29th, 2011 at 4:25 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#170): Knowing the people involved, it could be “New Clorox Wipes, Now in Pleasant Citrus!“
ArchieNemesisJune 29th, 2011 at 4:26 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#33): I see what you did there. In baseball parlance, that’s stretching a single into a double.
AndrewJune 29th, 2011 at 4:26 pm [Reply]
With Mary Worth the thing that drew my attention the most was the boxed glass door in the first panel. At first I thought it was the back of a truck driving past. Then I realized it’s most likely the entrance to the diner.
…I am secretly hoping it’s the TARDIS from Doctor Who and will rescue everyone sane in the comic (If such people exist) getting them as far away from Mary as possible.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:27 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#170): and @Baka Gaijin (#171):
It’s probably just freshly squeezed lemons the kid just did in the kitchen.
June 29th, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]
A-3G: “Lemon-scented perfume? Oh, boy! I hope it’s the same brand that I got a sample of in the mail the other day! What was that one called? Oh, yeah, ‘Pledge’!”
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 4:36 pm [Reply]
I look at A3G today and it appears that Frank Bolle wanted to throw the strip on paper and get away from it as soon a possible. Not that I blame him.
Effluvius ErratusJune 29th, 2011 at 4:36 pm [Reply]
@Andrew (#173): I’d imagine he’d first give the Nestene Consciousness just. one. chance. to leave Santa Royale in peace before he uses the sonic to melt her army of Autons stationed in Charterstone.
Rocky StoneaxeJune 29th, 2011 at 4:50 pm [Reply]
@Government Cheese (#162):
SM: Why does Jameson have fish scales for hair on the back of his head?
Whoever does the lettering for Spider-Man screwed up. The caption was supposed to read:
Late knights can be lonely, even at the Daily Bugle…
You see, J. Jonah’s “fish-scale hair” is actually his COIF:
http://www.historyshop.piratemerch.com/images/chain_mail_56.jpghttp://www.historyshop.piratemerch.com/images/chain_mail_56.jpg
(Have at thee, Sir Loin of Beef!)
Government CheeseJune 29th, 2011 at 4:55 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#178): I have also realized that my comments were awkwardly structured – damn absinthe!
Rocky StoneaxeJune 29th, 2011 at 4:55 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#178):
Bad example… here’s another coif:
http://www.chainmail.net/images/uploads/riv-alum-coif.jpg
Écureuil ÉcumantJune 29th, 2011 at 4:55 pm [Reply]
S-M: Since JJJ’s always on the verge of stroking out, it looks like his BP finally spiked to the point where it blew the back of his skull clean off. Doesn’t seem to have impaired him.
SF_ReaderJune 29th, 2011 at 4:56 pm [Reply]
MW – This is too funny. When did not hearing a word of the person you’re speaking with become, “Strong communication skills”? I mean besides politicans and bosses.
cheech wizardJune 29th, 2011 at 4:59 pm [Reply]
MW – Yes Liza, I bet sales would be a good fit for you. And with your background in nursing, you could probably be a pharmacological rep. Which means they’d pay you to pester Drew all day long and generally make a nuisance of yourself. Plus, he’d have to stand there and make nice with you because he needs your free samples to dish out to uninsured patients who can’t pay their bills. Now, wouldn’t you like that?
IHateMowingJune 29th, 2011 at 5:02 pm [Reply]
@Doctor Handsome (#10): Great stuff.
Government CheeseJune 29th, 2011 at 5:05 pm [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#183): This is so true. And she could also bring free lunch for the staff along with some tote bags.
kkarenbJune 29th, 2011 at 5:07 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#169):
The people who would be most offended by it are the least likely to understand it.
FW – Does Batiuk have the slightest idea of how human beings behave and interact with one another?
Rex- Has the writer of this strip been in a hospital – in any capacity – in the last ten years?
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 5:08 pm [Reply]
Blondie: Now that’s my kind of book store. One that sells ALE!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoJune 29th, 2011 at 5:11 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#169): given that I hate AS with a deep and abiding passion, I will deny that I got a kick out of that, once I realized who was supposed to be in the last panel. (name, color, art, one out of three is better than Hilburn’s usual average.)
Écureuil ÉcumantJune 29th, 2011 at 5:12 pm [Reply]
@kkarenb (#186): “FW – Does Batiuk have the slightest idea of how human beings behave and interact with one another?”
He must, because even a stopped clock is right twice a day, but Batty gets it wrong every time so he’s being deliberately oppositional. Uh, but with the mood in here today I probably shouldn’t be talking about stopping clocks.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoJune 29th, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]
I just realized something. Reply All is, after all, good for *something.*
it makes Argyle Suckitude look well drawn, well written, and somewhat funny by comparison. Still doesn’t change the gratuitous Larsonian ripoffs, though.
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 5:18 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#188): I do something more devastating than hating AS. I ignore it.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoJune 29th, 2011 at 5:27 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#191): as do I, as a general rule. It’s better for my mental health that way.
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#192): Although some say mental health is overrated…
Walker of DogJune 29th, 2011 at 5:31 pm [Reply]
@Dennis Jimenez (#168): An alternative theory: Jameson dropped dead at his desk and now finds himself in his own personal hell: a newspaper that he can’t get out, no one to yell at… and now PSORIASIS!
J Jonah Jameson, Dragged Below.
Mr K MartinJune 29th, 2011 at 5:32 pm [Reply]
If you can’t get enough of the addictive depression and heartache of “Funky Winkerbean”, check in next week for “Misery-palooza”, Batuik’s ultimate week-long epic! Funky is rushed to the hospital for cirrhosis of the liver, Bull dies from Mad Cow Disease, Cayla gets kidnapped by terrorists, the Band Director gets eaten by fire ants, Summer breaks all her limbs at the gym and has to be carted around in a toy wagon, and Susan, realizing she has once again been spurned by the most desired of all men, dashes into the traffic screaming where she is run over by a steamroller. Les is immediately moved by this to write a book called “My Flat Dead Girlfriend”. It becomes a national best seller. Hollywood comes calling. Speilberg wants to make it into a vampire movie. Instead of this, Les accepts Dreamworks offer to make it into an animated movie – in 3D – featuring Gilbert Gottfried as the voice of Funky, Joseph Lieberman as Les, Bobcat Goldthwait as Bull, Rosie O’Donnel as Summer, Tracey Morgan as Cayla, Kathy Griffin as Susan and Victoria Jackson as the ghost of Lisa. It becomes a megahit. Les gets filthy rich and spends his money on extensive botox surgury after which his face is frozen in a permanent smirk. He is soon swamped by adoring groupies – all of whom die from cancer to no one’s surprise. – And they all live miserably ever after! The End!
In other news – BC wants to lick WHAT?????!!!!!!!
seismic-2June 29th, 2011 at 5:35 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#191): Works for 9CL too. Trust me.
demoncatJune 29th, 2011 at 5:40 pm [Reply]
mary smile is saying yes my job is done Lisa will help by spreading the word of my power as a traveling sales person. mardukes anger is over the fact that she will have to clean up the blood after marmaduke is done making the sales guy lunch
JoshuaJune 29th, 2011 at 5:40 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#33): What? Crankshaft paid for those kids’ college tuition? We’re talking about the same misanthropic Ed Crankshaft who appears in this comic strip, not some generous twin of his, right?
This is sort of like finding out that Snuffy Smith earned a master’s degree in English literature before he became a moonshiner.
Uncle LumpyJune 29th, 2011 at 5:59 pm [Reply]
@Joshua (#198):
What? Crankshaft paid for those kids’ college tuition?
Every few years or so, Crankshaft tries to reëstablish Ed as a Nice Guy After All, for example by showing him suffering the Heartbreak of Illiteracy, or that he’s Not a Racist. This may be one of those.
spikeJune 29th, 2011 at 6:01 pm [Reply]
9CL: Let’s face it: Her only other choice was “Chopin”.
Écureuil ÉcumantJune 29th, 2011 at 6:07 pm [Reply]
@Mr K Martin (#195): On target. It’d be just like Batiuk to make a movie about His Flat Dead Girlfriend — in 3D, because it’s Art.
AnonymousJune 29th, 2011 at 6:16 pm [Reply]
MW-A question Liza will be hearing often is “Who are you and how did you get into my house?”
Popeye-Good luck in finding a beautiful woman guys.
Pearls Before Swine-Sorry Pig but you are going to have vent your blood internally.
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 6:29 pm [Reply]
@Mr K Martin (#195): I liked that. I laughed. Wait. Who licked WHAT?!
@seismic-2 (#196): Yeah. I’ve got to press the IGNORE button more often.
SequiturJune 29th, 2011 at 6:37 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#199): Oooh! A blast from the past!
Wow! Josh was gone and you were in charge and no one raided the liquor cabinet or got drunk or trashed the place.
Also, I didn’t comment that day. I wonder if there’s a connection?
Esther BlodgettJune 29th, 2011 at 6:46 pm [Reply]
@kkarenb (#186): re: AS. You said what I meant to say but couldn’t get my brain to compose.
AllenJune 29th, 2011 at 7:20 pm [Reply]
MW: Wait, Liza does not have “strong communication skills.” She managed to neither woo the guy she was stalking nor realize that he wasn’t into her. However, she’d be good at rattling off spiels without showing any reaction to her targets’ refusals, which seems to be how a lot of telemarketers are trained to sell stuff.
AnonymousJune 29th, 2011 at 7:23 pm [Reply]
MW : Liza: My father was a tick. I thought I might explore that direction.
Mary: I think you’d do well Liza, even though you are the most horrible nurse on the planet. You are good at sucking the life out of a comic strip.
June 29th, 2011 at 7:25 pm [Reply]
MW: Mary! A good salesperson, are you kidding me? Liza couldn’t even talk a guy who thought dating Dawn Weston was a good idea to like her!
zerowolfJune 29th, 2011 at 7:27 pm [Reply]
FC: Call Child Protective Services NOW!
zerowolfJune 29th, 2011 at 7:30 pm [Reply]
Crankshaft: IS this where we learn that deep down Ed is an old softie? Nah, he’s the same asshole we’ve always known and loathed.
nescioJune 29th, 2011 at 7:30 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#155): I really think the joke is killed by the “own” in the first panel. It removes the ambiguity of what B.C. means. Unless Thor’s purposely being an asshole, which is the role that Peter usually gets.
On the other hand, i realized that maybe there is no joke, and today’s B.C. merely portrays the founding of ancient Dingburg.
ChipJune 29th, 2011 at 7:35 pm [Reply]
Dammit! I’m officially a Plugger! I still wear my Rush ‘Moving Pictures’ T-shirt from 1981, and my sweat pants from high school gym class (also from 1981, now that I think about it!) How sad…
Sans SenseJune 29th, 2011 at 7:40 pm [Reply]
A3G: Wally is not Paul’s younger brother. He is 43 years old and, as mentioned, little. And there is a history here, a long sordid history that begins with what’s really in the box. LuAnn isn’t the first woman to fall into the Linski’s Jersey House of Horrors, only the latest and, briefly, the only still alive…
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