"Wouldn't layoffs in Milford be charmingly and anachronistically referred to as laydowns?" --Dood
Main navigation: Advertise Discussion Forum About Twitter RSS Feed Search: Main content: « He cast aside his straw boater — and his moral compass Metapost: Memorial Day Weekend comments of the week » Rapper’s delight abject horrorLuann, 5/27/11
Ha ha, can you imagine an “urgent, passionate” “rap” set to Luann’s poem of self-loathing, “I’m A Snot”? You don’t have to, because you can go to the URL in the third panel and listen to it yourself, in all its glory! But don’t feel obliged to do so. I think we all remember the “Hey Boy” debacle of 2010. Maybe it’s better to hear the passionate, urgent rapping, in your mind. Maybe if you heard it in your actual earhole, it would be so passionate and so urgent that your passionate urges would get the better of you and then who knows what would happen next? Probably some pulsating of some sort, that’s what! So, in conclusion, barf.
Crankshaft, 5/27/11
What must it be like, being a prisoner of the Funkiverse, where every depressing, emotionally loaded conversation (and lord knows there are plenty of those) must be accompanied by smirking? And, in Crankshaft, puns? I think Jeff in today’s strip made some kind of bargain with his cruel God: “Look, I’m trying to share some really heavy stuff with my wife here, OK? I’ll smirk, or I’ll pun, but please don’t make me do both. Let me keep a shred of dignity!
This entry was posted on Friday, May 27, 2011 at 08:21 am and is filed under Crankshaft, Luann. | 105 responses to “Rapper’s delight abject horror” KarduMay 27th, 2011 at 8:26 am [Reply]
Of course, the link in Luann has a typo. Guess they really don’t want anyone to have to listen to it.
nescioMay 27th, 2011 at 8:27 am [Reply]
Well Jeff’s wife is Crankshaft’s daughter, and he is a horrible, miserable, bastard all of the time. At least Rose would act nice to strangers.
Captain Plaid PantsMay 27th, 2011 at 8:28 am [Reply]
FW: Is everything all right? No! Your heads are freakin’ glowing! I know you always think you have a halo, but this isn’t normal, Les.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 27th, 2011 at 8:33 am [Reply]
Tom the Dancing Bug…
Navy SEAL Team Six faces the most dangerous foe of all:
http://www.gocomics.com/tomthedancingbug
The story behind today’s comic:
http://legallyeasy.rocketlawyer.com/trademark-dispute-disney-vs-navy-seals-92001
Mark BMay 27th, 2011 at 8:33 am [Reply]
What the hell is the carooniststudio? Is Quill a ‘carooner’? I thought he fancied himself a rapper. An Aussie rapper? Eh, … no. i liked Midnight Oil, so they can do new wave/punk … but rap? I haven’t seen it yet.
Mark BMay 27th, 2011 at 8:35 am [Reply]
Damn. DNS error on carooniststudio.com. So it’s just a careless typo. Time to buy up the domain name and put up a spoof site, just to grief Greg Evans.
Chyron HRMay 27th, 2011 at 8:35 am [Reply]
1) It’s called “Carooning”.
2) She sees her frenz.
3) I don’t know what I liked more–the 8-minute drum solo or the 12-minute bass solo.
4) “Pulsating, wild… um… uninhibited? Are you buying any of this?”
May 27th, 2011 at 8:35 am [Reply]
5-27 Weird Sound Effects:
Lio — CLUNK
Zits — WHUMP
B.C. — RRRRRR
Baldo — RIING!!
Monty — SPLISH SPLASH
Mutts/Garfield — BONK!
Sherman’s Lagoon — POW!
Todd the Dinosaur — POOF!
Pluggers — SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK
Drabble —
http://comics.com/drabble/
Broom Hilda —
http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Broom_Hilda
Scott BotMay 27th, 2011 at 8:36 am [Reply]
Cranky – Of course, Jeff, Rose would be like that. Phone sex operators are trained to be sweet to their clients, no matter what the situation.
Viceroy MattMay 27th, 2011 at 8:37 am [Reply]
I’ve been wanting to ask somebody this for a while. Here and now seems good.
Why does Luann disallow comments?
cheech wizardMay 27th, 2011 at 8:38 am [Reply]
It’s too bad Greg Evans didn’t bring in a kid from a France or one of the sexually liberated Scandinavian countries to be LuAnn’s exchange student crush. Because “Screw that, let’s fuck” would have been a much better response in panel three.
The GrandstanderMay 27th, 2011 at 8:38 am [Reply]
FW: Only in this strip can a sexual encounter turn into something depressing.
MW: Will Jeff ever realize that Drew is NOT talking about a patient? Probably not.
MT: Today Elrod shows us the only “beaver shot” that Mark knows anything about.
Blondie: Dagwood screws up another “account.” How has he kept his job for 80 years?
Scott BotMay 27th, 2011 at 8:39 am [Reply]
FW – If Cayla tells Les off, I will take back every bad thing I’ve ever said about this strip…
…well, not really, the thing still sucks rocks, but it would still be pretty cool if she yelled at him.
Mark BMay 27th, 2011 at 8:41 am [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#11): Or at least let Quill smash a can of beer on his forehead. They are not really working the Aussie angle nearly enough. Make him wear a hat with crocodile teeth on the band or something.
S. StoutMay 27th, 2011 at 8:43 am [Reply]
Every time I hear Luann sing I die a little inside.
Jocelyn KnockersburyMay 27th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]
You don’t have to, because you can go to the URL in the third panel and listen to it yourself, in all its glory!
Oh fuck no.
And Viceroy Matt, my guess is comments were turned off because of comments like the one I just made. I guess when they allowed Brooke to turn off voting and comments, all the other artists got the option as well. I dunno, I’m makin’ shit up at this point.
Mark BMay 27th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]
MW: Clearly, Drew’s pimp hand is weak.
Jocelyn KnockersburyMay 27th, 2011 at 8:46 am [Reply]
FW: Oh god Cayla, please run, just take this chance to run the hell off, then cry and be sad for a few days until you realize that this is the luckiest break you have ever been given.
Effluvius ErratusMay 27th, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]
Comics Code Key for Today
A3G: “gypsy” = sexually voracious/insatiable
FC: “peanut brittle” = rat poison, not that Jeffy knows it
FW: “is everything all right” = I’m such a tool
H&J: “glasses” = IUD
JP: “connect” = do our freakin’ jobs before that asshole gets someone killed
cheech wizardMay 27th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]
@Mark B (#14): Or make Luann wait outside the bar while he goes in and has a beer. Although being high schoolers, that might not work.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 27th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]
MT: “Everyone in town” except the beavers—until now.
FC: You know what would be great? If Jeffy/Billy later climbed up the shelf to snag some peanut brittle, only to discover that the can actually contains Dead Grampa’s cremains! So that won’t happen.
MW: I kind of like imagining that the characters actually dance around each other, just as they’re drawn. So picture Dr. Jeff circling Dr. Drew, pausing occasionally in his bizarre movements to spout some Doctorin’ stuff. It’s fun!
A3G: So is Aunt Iris leaving? Why not just say that? Why all the secrecy? Do the writers believe that Aunt Iris’s departure is so momentous as to be suspense-worthy? Actually, I’ll take that possibility over the possibility that I just don’t understand what the hell is going on here.
JP: Yeah, keep calling, Sam—because nothing calms a suicidal person like the sound of a ringing cell phone.
Mark BMay 27th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]
FW: Not only is the writing horrible, but WTF is the deal with the halos around the heads of the characters. I think he decided that they didn’t stand out enough against the black background, but frankly, this just looks terrible. It’s just fucking lazy. If you can’t draw your characters against a black background, pick a different background. Or quit the comics business. This contrived halo bullshit is just not the way forward. There is nothing about this comic that does not piss me off.
PatrickMay 27th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]
You gotta love that cool, hip, 1920’s-era microphone he’s attached to his laptop.
R in CTMay 27th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]
I’m sure this has been said before, but maybe Luann doesn’t know how bad she is because she can’t hear herself sing as she has no actual earholes in her head, which you can clearly (not) see in panel 2.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 27th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
@Poteet (#y261): Repeatedly falling, slicing one’s leg open on a sharp rock, and picking at bloody scabs are like eating cupcakes and drinking champagne compared to the experience of reading Reply All.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 27th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
IP: I did not see that one coming. well done, well done, sir!
Lio: heeee!
Bizarro: Mr. Peanut dreams of LoFo.
JUMBLE: the one that we saw being made in the video.
Mutts vs GWS: both go out with a bang. I declare Friday a draw, but Mutts was the overall winner.
RwO: “Teen Graphic Novels and Comics” is what our local branch calls their three racks of manga and comics. :-D
Tank: Laker hate, taken Over The Line. booooooo! hisssssssss!
Scott BotMay 27th, 2011 at 9:01 am [Reply]
Luann – Apparently Quill has borrowed some equipment from his part-time job as an air traffic controller in a 1940’s war movie.
MT – They better get going and wrap up this plot before those giant beavers drop a couple trees down on Lilliput there.
Pluggers – never get it right. The squeaking sound comes from the shoes, it’s the grinding noise that comes from the knee.
OKStanMay 27th, 2011 at 9:06 am [Reply]
Luann – So they need an “urgent and passionate” backbeat that’s “pulsating and wild, and, um…uninhibited…” about being a snot. In other words, something with which you can get your freak-on with an immature brat? We’re entering so REAL dark territory here.
On the other hand, I originally misread the title as “I’m Snot”, so combine that with the “urgent and passionate” backbeat made me think of some freaky fetishes that’s best not to be explored.
Just SQUICK the whole way around.
May 27th, 2011 at 9:09 am [Reply]
” Oh, it’s……wild….pulsating…..uninhibited….throbbing…..swelling…. irrepressible…..crescendoing…….CLIMAXIIIIIIIIING…….oh damn it, I got my thesaurus all messy”
black butterflyMay 27th, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]
@Viceroy Matt (#10): Insider information – they were not closed by Evans’ demand. There was a massive number of comments each day – sometimes up to 50+ – and they attracted a number of trolls, who were insulting the regular posters, threatening them, etc, etc, they got banned and got new accounts each time, that went in for a year or so, and finally either the site or the syndicate decided to close them down. That was not handled well, since there is no real moderator at comics.com. Maybe the upcoming merge will handle this problem. I know that doesn’t sound very convincing, but the situation got really, really bad in the end. I assume the cyberbullies were not drawn to the comic itself, but to the large number of comments, hence, a lot of victims.
pugfugglyMay 27th, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#19):
A3G: “gypsy” = sexually voracious/insatiable
Or maybe she just means that when she’s not making friends with hobotramps, she spends her days with a pair of sarcastic robots.
pugfugglyMay 27th, 2011 at 9:18 am [Reply]
MT: Shown in the foreground, panel 2: the dining hall.
OregonianMay 27th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]
“I have a rap. It has a real urgent, passionate beat. Pulsating… Wild… Uninhibited… It’s the kind of music that makes you want to put on a pair of assless chaps and play ‘Dodge the Raptor’ with the Python. I call it ‘You’re a snot but you’re not as annoying as Crankshaft.’ Catchy, eh?”
black butterflyMay 27th, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]
@black butterfly (#30): “Insider” isn’t supposed to mean anything too serious, more like “someone who followed the situation and from time to time was a part of it”.
teenchyMay 27th, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]
@Mark B (#22): Those aren’t halos; they’re glowing from radiation. Remember, Westview is a cancer cluster. Lisa put her disease in Les and now he’s put it in Cayla.
‘Course maybe they could be halos, in that Batiuk thinks Les is a saint for, well, being Les and Cayla’s a saint for accommodating his Lesness… nah, they’ve got the cancer.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 27th, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]
here, have a basset hound.
bathtime corgi pup.
not a lot of worthy lol-snark or squee today. *sad face*
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 27th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]
Hägar – Helga should put all the jobs she wants Hägar to do in a little keg and call it the Job Keg. Or funnier yet, the Jøb Këg! And Hägar will replace them all with “play golf” and “drink martinis with little horned hats in them.” Because he doesn’t want to have to go out and mow the lawn with the Goatasaurus.
(Or maybe he just uses a rock. I’m beginning to suspect that’s not really a hat, and Hägar’s a bull plugger.)
Hi – Be careful about complaining in front of the little telescreen, Chip! Little Sister is Watching You!
Chip WhittleMay 27th, 2011 at 9:37 am [Reply]
Apartment 3-G: While I’m sorry to see Aunt Iris apparently leaving the strip, I am looking forward to a distressed Tommie trying to stow away curled up in her suitcase.
Arctic Circle: Um…this is about one penguin trying to murder the other, right? I thought they were friends?
Deflocked: OK, honest question here: Are we supposed to like any of the characters, and if so, why? The artist is trying so hard for comedic conflict he’s forgot to include the part where it’s between people who have any reason interacting with anybody.
Funky Winkerbean: “Is everything all right?” “Not really.” “I’m sorry. Would you feel better if we talked about Lisa?”
Gasoline Alley: No, Slim’s not trying to leave his grandkid unsupervised in a garage, he’s just trying to cover up how he accidentally ate the telephone.
Gil Thorp: “After 24 years teaching 2nd grade, I’ll be the last one left in the building! I’m the only teacher they’ve ever found who can answer little Billy Keane’s question about whether I’m gonna be promoted to the third grade every single year without going homicidal!”
Grin and Bear It: “The designer of this model preferred to remain anonymous, unlike household names like the guy who designed the Honda Civic or the Mercury Sable.”
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 27th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]
Hi – Be careful about complaining in front of the little telescreen, Chip! Little Sister is Watching You!Mark – Encyclopedia Brown would make short work of that inadvertent slip, especially if it had been accompanied by, say, an apparently insignificant physics error. (“Encyclopedia Brown knew that the old story of Mercury always keeping the same side toward the sun was false, and therefore Bugs Meany must have killed JFK!”)
Wikipedia Brown, on the other hand, would fearlessly accuse the malefactor, but the crook’s friends would have accounts, and they’d edit the accusation so that Wikipedia Brown was confessing to the crime himself. Thesaurus Brown would repeat what he’d been told, using a list of different words that mean the same thing. Dictionary Brown would get hung up on the precise meaning of “is.” Atlas Brown would… hmmm, as Familiar Quotations Brown would say, “but I digress. — Tom Lehrer.”
Mary – “As a doctor… I try to put myself in the patient’s shoes.”
“Well, Dad, I put myself in her pants, and now she won’t quit bugging me.”
May 27th, 2011 at 9:39 am [Reply]
So, I’m listening to “I’m A Snot” … and it sounds like Sleater-Kinney reunited at gun-point.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 27th, 2011 at 9:39 am [Reply]
Rhymes – The graphic novels at the library are a great way to catch up on stuff that was too expensive to buy and too long to read at the bookstore. Having them read on CD would be the next logical step. Perhaps read by a Fiorello LaGuardia impersonator!
Snuffy – Wasn’t “Meatball” the long-lost Smiff kid?
Speed – Looks like another case for Principia Mathematica Brown!
Rocky StoneaxeMay 27th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]
@black butterfly (#30): Thanks for the info… wonder if that’s what happened with Brooke’s Pibgorn strip?
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 27th, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]
Spider-Man – “Say, this reminds me of the time I was too late to save Gwen. Can’t win ‘em all! I think I’ll go down to Best Buy and stand in front of their wall of TV sets for a while.”
Tom D. Bug – The Seal Team Six® will never be free, because Disneycorp will make sure that anything that’s in copyright now will never ever enter the public domain! Bwa ha… I mean… bwee hee hee!
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#26): IP? Iron Pants? Ipsy Poodle? Ipso Phacto? Inanity Parade? Inka Pinkadoo? Inside Paddleball? Infinite Pandas?
Gloom RaiderMay 27th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]
I’m really hoping the next Mary Worth shows Dr. Drew telling Liza, “Look, you’re gonna have to face it–YOU’RE ADDICTED TO LOVE!” Then four identically-dressed Marys appear behind him, and… I assume that for all sorts of reasons, that would be the end of the strip.
Esther BlodgettMay 27th, 2011 at 9:45 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#36): Yayz! Basset hound!
curlyfriesMay 27th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]
@Viceroy Matt (#10): @black butterfly (#30): The troll did cross the line in terms of threats and homophobic remarks, but what really did it was this: the site has a three flags system that allows anyone with more than one account to remove another poster’s comments. After months of people complaining about being deleted for no cause while the troll was allowed free-range abilities, admin just threw up their hands and tanked the whole thing since they couldn’t get in front of it, and were incapable of blocking or banning suspect IPs. The troll is still trying to disrupt over at Greg Evan’s “Luannalyzer’s” forum, but since there’s a moderator and the site’s instituted a blocking feature a lot of people can just tune him out, so his whiny-ass protests to admin about “defining rules” and “censorship” are pretty feeble. Since GoComics isn’t moderated, I hope they’re more on the ball about multiple accounts than comics.com was.
Esther BlodgettMay 27th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]
DT: If Hot Rize gets out of the hopper alive, are Dick and Sam going to fight over who gets to de-flour her?
Rocky StoneaxeMay 27th, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#41):
Snuffy – Wasn’t “Meatball” the long-lost Smiff kid?
Sluggo Smith (from Nancy) is the long-lost “Smiff” kid. He and Jughaid have the same bald pate… and both live in shacks!
Joe, the Upper-Evergreen GuyMay 27th, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]
Crank: It was mostly because you wouldn’t take off those God Damned Mickey Mouse ears, Jeff. Beyond that, if you were MY kid, I’d do a lot of screaming too.
Luann: I think my eyes are going to bleed…
FC: Next he’ll reveal to Jeffy where the Keane Family Anal Shocker is kept. We can only hope.
Funk the Stupid Bean: Dump his lousy ass. Right now. JUST DO IT, Cayla. Once you’re away from Les and outside his Gloomesphere, you’ll be much much happier.
RMMD: Blinks Security! For all your lottery-ticket transporting needs!
PozzoMay 27th, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]
I think punk would be the most appropriate genre for a song called “I’m a Snot,” but at least we can be thankful she didn’t opt for flannel-and-jeans folk music.
ShadrachMay 27th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]
@Jim C (#40): Please, never mention Sleater-Kinney and any “music’ by Greg Evans in the same sentence again.
QuinnMay 27th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]
Luann: I like to think that this strip is currently happening in real time, and that between scenes Luann and Mr. Spikey-hair are having wild, Viagra fueled animal sex for 23 straight hours before getting back to their “art.” But that’s just me.
Darryl HeineMay 27th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
Not mentioned: For Blondie May 27, 2011: Is it true Mr. Dithers’ Facebook account has the option to DEFRIEND DAGWOOD BUMSTEAD thanks to a $500 loss of a bad contract?
For Mutts May 27, 2011: Nice Peanuts parody.
Esther BlodgettMay 27th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
Beetle: That’s right, Otto. If that thing looks like a poodle to you, you need glasses.
MT: “Uh…it was those damn gossipy beavers, Sheriff McDad. They told me all about it.”
FW: Batiuk would have us believe that dead spouses make phone calls, cheerleaders moonlight as AV geeks, and Montoni’s pizza is edible, yet neither one of these two can say “Sorry, did I say the wrong thing just then?” and start an adult conversation. I’d like to see Bull beat the crap out of both of them, except of course he never really was a violent person, was he?
S-M: It’s never too late for a martini! Wait, that says “Martine.” In that case, yeah, you totally let her fall to her death. Way to go, Spidey.
CynMay 27th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
You know, the only reason I follow FW is because of Josh, and then these absolutely hilarious (and on point) comments. I’m ancient enough to remember the original recipe FW. I was in high school at the time, and honestly? FW in its first incarnation really was a pretty funny commentary upon archetypes of high school students, teachers, and humor in those situations.
My local paper dropped FW quite a while ago, so I hadn’t been paying attention to the reboot until I started following Comics Curmudgeon. I’m STILL confused about the timeline. And now? Good Goddess. I would love to throttle Les (no no NO not in a sexual way)! He is still an archetype…to those who like whiny, self-involved, completely nerdy guys. How and in what alternative universe is Les deemed attractive to two seemingly normal women? What do those halos signify? Is The Saintly Spirit of Lisa going to, literally, appear between Les and poor Cayla? Why do I care?
(Rant over, and back to the fantastic nuttiness of the Judge Parker world! Too bad Suicidal Woman’s predicament interrupted Sam and Angel’s jazz man-date. I was looking forward to more innuendo and in particular, Sam’s general absorption in All That Is the Perfect Sam.)
ArchieNemesisMay 27th, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]
Attention Les Moore! We have located your missing penis. Please contact Dick Tracy for its immediate return.
Chip WhittleMay 27th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]
Mandrake: “Red Dekker never gives up! He means to make sure I never testify against him! That’s why he’s been trying halfheartedly to kill me with an exploding car, sniper, poison, airplane, and alligator, like mentioned yesterday, until I could be hidden tight inside an outlandishly defended mountaintop fortress surrounded by people waiting for his attack! He’s kind of an idiot that way!”
Mark Trail: “Everyone in town probably knows about it by now! Especially since town is an adorable little collection of seven old tea and cereal boxes painted up to look like a city by the beaver children for a school project!”
I wonder what it’s like being a telephoto lens salesman in the Mark Trail universe.
The Phantom: Dumb Crook has a point. It’s one thing to digitally embezzle millions of dollars, but it’s totally different to fib about your networking status.
Rex Morgan: “No, I have to get back to the office.” There. That’s the line on which the district attorney will break Morgan’s alibi when he’s tried for arranging the murder of Berna at the hands of the “security guards”.
I’m oddly enchanted that he and Berna kiss like dolphins, though.
Spider-Man: Oh, no. Martine is dead. This could put her out of action for minutes. I’m torn up with suspense.
One-Eyed WolfdogMay 27th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]
Wow, Greg Evans’ page has a picture labeled, “from whence genius spurteth”.
tb4000May 27th, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]
@One-Eyed Wolfdog (#58): I think the third word in that quote is a massive typo.
One-Eyed WolfdogMay 27th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]
All Evans has to do to get more internet love and exposure than he’s ever dreamed of is release the a capella track and tell people to go nuts with the remixes.
Scott BotMay 27th, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]
RMMD – Apparently Berna is being escorted downtown by Matthew McConaughey, reprising his role as Wooderson from Dazed and Confused.
‘That’s what I like about those lottery winners, man. They get older, I stay the same age.’
cheech wizardMay 27th, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#42): My understanding is that Brooke doesn’t want his work to be influenced by readers’ feedback and is probably a bit thin-skinned besides. I don’t think he had a major problem with trolls; if anything, the Pib posters were falling all over each other in their efforts to fellate him. So if he had a problem with that, I’d give him some credit.
One-Eyed WolfdogMay 27th, 2011 at 10:14 am [Reply]
Interesting concept of “rap” he has, too.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 27th, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#43): Ink Pen. available on Yahoo.
Effluvius ErratusMay 27th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#31): If only there were a trio of robots and a human* at the bottom-right of each panel, mocking the strip in “real-time”! Alas, we must make do with post hoc Curmudgeonly commentary…
*Then again…Tommie and Lu Ann might as well be robots—Tommie’s the one without an emotion chip; Lu Ann’s the one with 50K memory…
commodorejohnMay 27th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#4): And this is why I love Ruben Bolling.
A3G – “Not everyone approves of my Gypsy lifestyle. Which is why I’ve taken great pains to eradicate any trace of Romani appearance. I mean, could you tell I’m not just another Apartment 3-G bland white person? Wacky glasses aside?”
BB – Today, on “Things Found in Dr. Seuss’s Trash…”
Crankshaft – I can’t wait for the day when Tom Batiuk is committed. Seriously, that’s got to be happening soon, right? There’s no way you can’t look at this and go, “Christ, see a therapist already!”
Curtis – So if you were ever wondering whether there would come a day when Curtis didn’t have the most out-of-it rap joke in the funny pages, well, here you go.
DT – Well it’s good to know that the new Tracy team doesn’t shy away from contrived, fetishistic death scenes! Man, Yahoo! Groups must be going wild.
Dilbert – Yeah, ten bucks says this is one of those ones Adams based on an actual trend or incident.
FW – Both of you die now.
GT – “After 24 years teaching second grade, I’ll be the last one left in the building! I’m going to chain myself to the radiator and the pigs will have to come in and remove me by force! That’ll show ‘em! Could you be a dear and write a protest song for accompaniment?”
JP – “A story of life on the tuffet?” God, I love you, Woody Wilson.
Luann – Thankfully, I’m at work now, but I have a terrible, terrible feeling that I’m going to be unable to prevent myself from listening to this later today…in any case, barf and retch.
MT – “Any news on that crime you don’t know I committed? I, uh, heard about it from a guy. I DIDN’T DO IT! DON’T THINK I DID!”
Phantom – Guys, tip for next time: don’t forcibly kidnap someone who’s many times smarter than you.
SF – Oh, it’s Haiti! okay that was a little tasteless.
SM – “Well, chalk up another girl to mid-air rescue failure! Don’t worry, Gwen, you’re not alone!”
Ziggy – …if only this didn’t seem so reasonable by comparison…
commodorejohnMay 27th, 2011 at 10:20 am [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#31): Oh man, now I’m going to hear all of Iris’s dialogue in Jim Mallon’s ridiculous falsetto. Thank you!
JessyMay 27th, 2011 at 10:21 am [Reply]
@Captain Plaid Pants (#3): Haha! COTW, in my book.
SequiturMay 27th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]
Why Batiuk used halos.
Doctor HandsomeMay 27th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]
Uh, you know that “a rap” means lyrics, right? You’re going to set Luann’s lyrics to lyrics? If you’re going to drop a veiny, tumescent beat, just say you’re dropping a beat. I know these kids are impossibly white, but Jesus Christ.
Alan's AddictionMay 27th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]
Call me old-fashioned, but I think that the words “passionate and urgent” don’t even belong in the same comic strip as the word “snot,” let alone the same paragraph. Of course, the characters in “Luann” have a seriously twisted view of romance (remember Gunther’s pig head?), so they don’t have the same objections.
Speaking of dark, twisted perversions, I’m glad to get more insight into the Funkiverse in today’s strip. This is a place where cancers with high survival rates are invariably all fatal, and nothing’s funnier than some light child abuse. Also, this strip introduces an interesting new plot device to the world. We’re all familiar with the “deus ex machina,” in which an improbable solution or escape is presented suddenly by previously unknown forces or characters. In today’s “Funky Winkerbean,” we see a sort of reverse case of that in which, if the Funkiverse is getting too happy and light-hearted, an improbable back story of personal horror is introduced. Tune in next week, kids, as we find out that Les was somehow sent to Vietnam, where he was forced to kill his own best friend. Actually, that wouldn’t be the most improbable and depressing thing that’s happened in this strip.
May 27th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]
FW – “It’s… your aura. It’s freaking me out. Oh, also, you’re a selfish, narcissistic, sexually inept commitiment-phobe with dumb facial hair, a socially awkward daughter, a propensity to talk to dead people, and honestly, I just want to slap that smirk right off your weasel face. But you know, other than that we’re cool.”
Luann – Gregg Evans thinks it’s funny but it’s snot.
The Ballad of Al-Jo – Don’t listen to you old lady, A-J, she’s one of those Fat-Cat Second Grade Teachers. I bet she’s high from huffing freshly mimeographed lunch menus. Ahhh, Fish Stick Fridays!
AnansiMay 27th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]
Weird. The instant I started playing “I’m a Snot” on YouTube, I felt an earthquake. This is probably because of the New Madrid Fault Line. Either that or Tupac and Notorious B.I.G. are furiously flipping in their graves.
TheDivaMay 27th, 2011 at 10:32 am [Reply]
Luann: Oh God, why did I look? WHY DID I LOOK?!? I KNEW no good would come of it, and yet I went and opened that link like a cyberspace Pandora. Now I can never escape the horror unleashed upon my brain. *sob*
DT: Buried alive in flour–it’s not quite as flashy as the silo exploding, but it’ll do.
FW: Christ, what a stupid asshole.
Something that’s been bugging me all week–Les and Cayla have been dating for what, two or three years now? And this is the first time either of them brought up the subject of love? Does anyone ever date someone that long without saying “I love you”–even if it’s not entirely true? I understand and appreciate the value of “taking things slow,” but there’s a world of difference between slow and stagnant. If it’s taken Les and Cayla this long to sit down and examine their feelings, then it seems like the relationship has been in deep trouble for a long time–but we knew that already.
MT: Well, no wonder. You’re shouting about it so loud, even the beavers have heard the news.
MW: Oh, I can’t wait to see Drew attempt to apply this device. “Liza, I have bad news. Your tests came back positive for erotomania….”
SM: So Martine died because…she fell on a wooden crate, apparently, which didn’t even break on impact so it’s not like an improvised stake could have pierced her heart. Unless splinters count, which would pretty much cement Martine’s place as the lamest vampire ever (yes, even worse than those Twilight losers or the vampire on Buffy that was killed with a number 2 pencil.).
commodorejohnMay 27th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]
@Old School Allie Cat (#72): I nominate your FW comment for COTW. In fact, I quadruple-nominate it.
Gene S.May 27th, 2011 at 10:34 am [Reply]
Luann: “I’m a snot” is so bad it’s good. Not bad/good like that “Friday” song, but bad/good like someone could sing it at Karaoke. It’s not quite bad/good enough for regular bar karaoke, but it is bad/good enough for drag queen/female impersonator karaoke. The kind that’s so gay your ass hurts hearing it.
TimMay 27th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]
A3G – “Not everyone approves of my Gypsy lifestyle. But I’ve met this lovely man named Richard Basehart…”
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 27th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#54): If that thing looks like a poodle to you, you need glasses.
It’s a poodle designed by a committee, based on another committee’s report on what a poodle looks like.
@ArchieNemesis (#56): Attention Les Moore! We have located your missing penis. Please contact Dick Tracy for its immediate return.
Dick… Trace-y… it all makes sense now.
May 27th, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#47): And they won’t need to wait for her to go to the ladies’ room to powder her nose. . .
Viceroy MattMay 27th, 2011 at 10:50 am [Reply]
Thanks for the info, guys.
Mildred MondayMay 27th, 2011 at 10:50 am [Reply]
Beetle – I can see the wheels turning in the writers head..”Hmm, oh I know what’s funny, Otto getting glasses! Now, how would a doctor check a dog’s eyes? Maybe a chart with little poodles at different distances! No, that’s not funny at all. I’ll give it more thought.. I’m sure I’ll come up with something good.” ((some time later)) “Shoot, nope, that’s my best idea. It’s actually pretty funny now that I’ve thought about it. But it’s *really* hard drawing a chart with little poodles at different distances. I’ll just have Otto explain it. That will be just as funny, I’m sure.”
the end
Effluvius ErratusMay 27th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#21):
MW: I kind of like imagining that the characters actually dance around each other, just as they’re drawn. So picture Dr. Jeff circling Dr. Drew, pausing occasionally in his bizarre movements to spout some Doctorin’ stuff. It’s fun!
Could it be that Mary Worth was originally intended to be a musical, but budget constraints tragically limited it to a 3-panel comic strip?
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#39):
Mary – “As a doctor… I try to put myself in the patient’s shoes.”
“Well, Dad, I put myself in her pants, and now she won’t quit bugging me.”
I have never said this before, but COTW!
@Gloom Raider (#44): Sorry Old Man Muff…but this is the new COTW!
@commodorejohn (#66):
DT – Well it’s good to know that the new Tracy team doesn’t shy away from contrived, fetishistic death scenes! Man, Yahoo! Groups must be going wild.
I had no idea there was a fetish for being buried alive under 20 tons of flour!
Not Greg EvansMay 27th, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]
Oh sweet Jesus. Why does he keep doing this to me? Once again I feel the need to apologize to you all even though — and I can’t stress this enough — I’m Not Greg Evans
TaggedMay 27th, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]
NS: Old joke, older punchline…c’mon Wiley, you can do much, much better than that.
Walker of DogMay 27th, 2011 at 11:19 am [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#21): But the ringtone that Alan assigned for Sam’s calls is Billy Ocean’s “Loverboy”, and everyone enjoys that song, right? Or is it “I’m A Snot”? I forget.
@Gloom Raider (#44): Ha! Just please don’t dress the Marys in those LBDs.
@Tim (#77): Aww, another happy ending on the Satellite of Love.
Bring me the Hart of JohnnyMay 27th, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]
I didn’t even notice the typo in Luann as I was entering the URL. That song is so God-awful, it’s beyond parody. Greg Evans is actually expecting people to buy it for 49 cents? That’s 50 cents too much.
Also, in Funkytown, Les continues to suck.
S. StoutMay 27th, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#66):
It is everyone’s duty to watch the Luann video, dislike it, and comment on why it is bad, in hopes that Evans will stop this nonsense.
J.D. RhoadesMay 27th, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]
Greg Evans: untalented across multiple media.
GregMay 27th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]
Crankshaft: You have to admire the attention to detail in panel two: Jeff’s nostril is dementedly flared, betokening a heightened sense of emotional delirium not unlike Strether’s at the end of The Ambassadors.
Batiuk=Genius.
Just admit it, people.
MarcMay 27th, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]
Luann: Yes, get back to created “music” or “work” or whatever you want to call the inevitable crime against humanity you’re attempting to produce. Because in Greg Evans’ world, nobody should ever act on their impulses and give in to human urges. Not that anyone would want to see an Aussie-Snot screw session anyways.
Funky: Speaking of crimes against humanity, Smirky McGee and Springhead Fishface are unable to express their feelings after having been dating (without ever actually going on a date mind you) for a couple years. I’m sorry I have no sympathy for Cayla. She’s almost as messed up as Les is. She changed her look to try to get him to notice her more, she’s put up with his BS for years, overlooks how he is playing her and apparently doesn’t mind playing 2nd fiddle to a ghost. Yet she is still around. She deserves whatever she gets from that A-hole.
LiamMay 27th, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]
Love Is…wearing his sweater? Since when did the creepy naked children start wearing clothes let alone even owning clothes. A few days ago they visited Grandma and they didn’t put any pants on to visit her.
Garfield-This comic is taking a dark turn. A few days ago he encourages John to commit suicide and now he threw Odio in front of a bus.
Mark Trail-I think I know why Mark Trail looks the way that it does. They are stuck in some sort of bubble. Judging by the shot of the city in the second panel there is nothing else around. I am going to assume this is a city in a post-apocalyptic world and there culture is based on the 1970s or else Mark is in a coma and all this is all a coma dream.
Mary Worth-Yay! Now we get several weeks of Drew analyzing why Liza is a bat shit insane.
Eau de PluggerMay 27th, 2011 at 1:16 pm [Reply]
I regret that I listened to “I’m a Snot”. The line that sums it up: “Yeah I’m Bad”
AndyLMay 27th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]
I want to be a Caroonist when I grow up!
Chris KernMay 27th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]
I still don’t understand the purpose of these Luann songs. If they’re supposed to be an attempt to recreate what it would actually be like for two random, average-talent teenagers to make a song, then they sound about right — although it still makes me question the purpose of going through the trouble of making them. If they’re supposed to represent an honest attempt to create a good song…..I don’t have anything more to say.
CloudbusterMay 27th, 2011 at 3:05 pm [Reply]
@Liam (#91): And if everyone doesn’t go along with the way Mark imagines things should be, he thinks them into the corn field.
Dilbert: Hey, look, PHB does his “finger-quotin Margo” impression!
ArchieNemesisMay 27th, 2011 at 3:57 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#78): Yeah, it was a pretty weak effort and a stupid pun attempt. Sorry about that. Probably shouldn’t never have even posted it. Just felt that I needed to say something nasty about FW. I am swearing off that strip from now on; it makes my attempts at humor bitter and ugly. I now return to the land of Mark Trail, where the mushrooms are kicking in and Jack Elrod is really starting to trip.
A HREFMay 27th, 2011 at 4:01 pm [Reply]
Luann: Ok so Mama DeGroot gets all icky about the idea of Toni “hanging out” with her adult firefighter son, but is fine with her under aged (under 16? Luann doesn’t drive does she?) being in a bedroom for hours with a guy who is probably 18.
OK.
Black DrazonMay 27th, 2011 at 4:16 pm [Reply]
All I need to say about this Luann is that if I was so aroused that just saying the words “urgent and passionate” got me all wired, actually singing the song would mean that it wouldn’t really bother me any more, if you know what I’m saying. And if you’re a fan of Greg Evans’ work, you don’t.
Bill ThompsonMay 27th, 2011 at 6:00 pm [Reply]
@ArchieNemesis (#96): I understood where you were going with the joke. I snickered (just the thought of FW strangles actual laughter) and thought, yeah, Batiuk is so humorless he’d fall for that one.
AlisonMay 27th, 2011 at 6:04 pm [Reply]
Oh cripes, yet another “LuAnn” strip featuring Quill and LuAnn following the same old script:
“Ooohh…things are getting hot and heavy, baby…” [She gazes into his eyes]
“Uhhh huh, sure are…” [He moves closer to her]
“Soo…” [She breathes heavily and gets close enough to touch him]
“Uh huh?”
“So, let’s stop and do something else that has nothing to do with sex or even kissing. Cool?”
“Yup, cool.”
[They do something else. The end.]
Yeah, this is totally how horny teenagers alone in a room with the door shut act. Again and again and again. Just boink already, God damn.
Frank Lee MeidereMay 27th, 2011 at 7:30 pm [Reply]
Special Feature Float
This week recognising that:
LUANN’S SNOT WORTHY
***************************
OKStan
Luann – So they need an “urgent and passionate” backbeat that’s “pulsating and wild, and, um…uninhibited…” about being a snot. In other words, something with which you can get your freak-on with an immature brat? We’re entering so REAL dark territory here.
On the other hand, I originally misread the title as “I’m Snot”, so combine that with the “urgent and passionate” backbeat made me think of some freaky fetishes that’s best not to be explored.
Just SQUICK the whole way around.
Oregonian
“I have a rap. It has a real urgent, passionate beat. Pulsating… Wild… Uninhibited… It’s the kind of music that makes you want to put on a pair of assless chaps and play ‘Dodge the Raptor’ with the Python. I call it ‘You’re a snot but you’re not as annoying as Crankshaft.’ Catchy, eh?”
Jim C
So, I’m listening to “I’m A Snot” … and it sounds like Sleater-Kinney reunited at gun-point.
Shadrach
@Jim C: Please, never mention Sleater-Kinney and any “music’ by Greg Evans in the same sentence again.
Pozzo
I think punk would be the most appropriate genre for a song called “I’m a Snot,” but at least we can be thankful she didn’t opt for flannel-and-jeans folk music.
Alan’s Addiction
Call me old-fashioned, but I think that the words “passionate and urgent” don’t even belong in the same comic strip as the word “snot,” let alone the same paragraph. Of course, the characters in “Luann” have a seriously twisted view of romance (remember Gunther’s pig head?), so they don’t have the same objections.
Old School Allie Cat
Gregg Evans thinks it’s funny but it’s snot.
Anansi
Weird. The instant I started playing “I’m a Snot” on YouTube, I felt an earthquake. This is probably because of the New Madrid Fault Line. Either that or Tupac and Notorious B.I.G. are furiously flipping in their graves.
Gene S.
“I’m a snot” is so bad it’s good. Not bad/good like that “Friday” song, but bad/good like someone could sing it at Karaoke. It’s not quite bad/good enough for regular bar karaoke, but it is bad/good enough for drag queen/female impersonator karaoke. The kind that’s so gay your ass hurts hearing it.
Walker of Dog
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#21): But the ringtone that Alan assigned for Sam’s calls is Billy Ocean’s “Loverboy”, and everyone enjoys that song, right? Or is it “I’m A Snot”? I forget.
Marc
Yes, get back to created “music” or “work” or whatever you want to call the inevitable crime against humanity you’re attempting to produce. Because in Greg Evans’ world, nobody should ever act on their impulses and give in to human urges. Not that anyone would want to see an Aussie-Snot screw session anyways.
Eau de Plugger
I regret that I listened to “I’m a Snot”. The line that sums it up: “Yeah I’m Bad”
***************************
Sgt. StonedMay 27th, 2011 at 11:01 pm [Reply]
@The Grandstander (#12): MW: Jeff doesn’t want to realize that Drew is talking about somebody other than a patient, lest he be drawn into a conversation about his son’s sordid “love” life. In fact, if Drew gets any more specific, we are like to witness Jeff sticking his fingers in his ears and loudly proclaiming: “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAAAAR YOU!”
True FableMay 28th, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]
Missing ‘lyric’
I’m a jerk, I’m a hack
I sound better better on my back
After hearing what I’ve sung
I remind you of William Hung
But you love me anyway
Just some guyMay 28th, 2011 at 11:57 pm [Reply]
People are unnecessarily brutal to Evans & his silly videos.
I mean, I’m all for bashing bad stuff (I’m on this site) but some people are acting like he made a video shooting puppies in the face.
May 29th, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]
@Alison (#100): Wish I had said this. Of course Luann may end up preggers and we then have a Very Special Luann.
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