"Blaze arrives on the scene, to fill his new role as exposition bomb, and what a bomb! Luke Skywalker haircut, shirt open to the winds to accentuate his flat, bare and pallid flesh, neckerchief tied tight enough to introduce constant auto-erotic asphyxiation. Blaze is ready to drop his contractually obliged one-line-a-year, folks, let's sit back and enjoy." --Black Drazon
Main navigation: Advertise Discussion Forum About Twitter RSS Feed Search: Main content: « Saturday quickies Mark has the power » Least surprising Funky Winkerbean non-punchline everPanel from the Lockhorns, 4/3/11
I believe I’ve referred to Leroy and Loretta as a cut-rate George and Martha in the past. Well, just as the two main characters in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? came up with a fake son for them to fight over, so Leroy has concocted a fake ankle bracelet. Or maybe it’s a new high-tech kind that fits underneath one’s black tights?
Funky Winkerbean, 4/3/11
Hey, everyone, did you forget about cancer? It’s coming for you! It’s coming … to kill.
This entry was posted on Monday, April 4, 2011 at 01:30 am and is filed under Funky Winkerbean, Lockhorns. | 87 responses to “Least surprising Funky Winkerbean non-punchline ever” CancerApril 4th, 2011 at 1:32 am [Reply]
Didja miss me????
Jim NorthApril 4th, 2011 at 1:36 am [Reply]
CANCAH?! D:
avatarApril 4th, 2011 at 1:37 am [Reply]
“In the seventies and the eighties, he led the fighting scapegoats (not capitalized) to a combined record of zero wins, two (?) hundred losses…” Because Cancer, a crippling failure to live, isn’t nearly enough crippling failure to fill a Sunday-length Funky Winkerbean.
yahtzeeApril 4th, 2011 at 1:41 am [Reply]
Most newspapers compile obituaries in advance to have ready when notable celebrities and public figures die. The poor staff of the Funkyverse local newspaper must have to prepare them for every single man, woman and child. At least these obits don’t require constant updating to stay current; they can safely predict premature cancer deaths cutting short lives of total, abject misery and failure, for everyone.
Uncle LumpyApril 4th, 2011 at 1:43 am [Reply]
Hey, Coach John “Jack” Stropp has one of those no-brand gimme caps, just like Ed “Jack Ass” Crankshaft! Maybe they hand them out at the clinic?
Frank Lee MeidereApril 4th, 2011 at 1:45 am [Reply]
FW: Shouldn’t “fighting scapegoats” be capitalised? At least the “scapegoats” part of the name. I mean, it’s “The Fighting Irish,” and …
What? The “Scapegoats”? They’re named the “Scapegoats”? I mean, a commenter the other day mentioned that he or she thought they were named the “Scapegoats,” but I took it as a joke. As a joke, it’s funny. That the high school actually named their team that is…well, it’s Funky.
But then, only in Westview would a newspaper print an obituary of a high school coach that says he led his team to a “combined record of zero wins.” They could at least have said, “While never leading his team to a win, Coach Strop did instill the ideals of sportsmanship” and such.
Jim NorthApril 4th, 2011 at 1:51 am [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#6): No they couldn’t, unfortunately. The newspaper people in the Funkyverse are – like all people in the Funkyverse – incapable of that much basic human decency. The very best they could do was say that he led the team rather than putting it right there in the paper that he didn’t so much lead as he sat on the bleachers and wept openly until practice or the game was over. For many of his players over the years, the only sound they were aware he could give voice to was that of wretched sobbing.
bats :[April 4th, 2011 at 1:59 am [Reply]
I’m still amazed by that up-and-at-’em work ethic!
Then again, if you just have that defeatist attitude…
Lance HunterApril 4th, 2011 at 2:04 am [Reply]
Ah, the obituaries! The reason newspapers in the Funkyverse will never go out of business.
ShogunApril 4th, 2011 at 2:11 am [Reply]
But…you can’t list how someone died in the obits. People don’t do that I thought? The only time I ever read FW is when this site references it, as it always fills me with venemous rage…
Frank Lee MeidereApril 4th, 2011 at 2:20 am [Reply]
FW: If you remove the last panel, this thing plays out like a horror story.
In the first three panels he picks up the morning newspaper and quietly sits down to read it.
(Panel 4) The shadow of a crippled figure appears behind him. His eyes show he is aware of it.
(Panel 5) The figure comes to stand beside him. “Everything okay?” it asks.
(Panel 6) “Fine.” he replies, putting down the newspaper. “Are you ready to head off to rehab?”
I see it as a man whose teenaged daughter was in a terrible accident. Not only did this accident damage her physically, it also damaged her mentally, so now she goes into terrible tempers if everything isn’t perfect. Worse yet, it left her with powerful mental powers.
So when the man hears her behind him, he looks worried because he doesn’t know what kind of mood she’s in. When she asks, “Everything okay?” he quickly reassures her, and changes the subject. As they leave to go to her “rehab,” the man repeats to himself, “It’s a good life,” while trying not to think of jack-in-the-boxes.
Of course, now that I think about it — that scenario works pretty well if you leave the last panel in, too. Except, instead of trying not to think of jack-in-the-boxes, he would be trying not to think of that six foot cancer tumour that used to be the next-door neighbour.
TimApril 4th, 2011 at 2:21 am [Reply]
I find it hard to believe that the obituaries aren’t on the front page of the newspapers in the Funkyverse.
Francisco ArrowrootApril 4th, 2011 at 2:23 am [Reply]
Some people start reading the paper with the comics, others with the sports section. Of course the section that helps Funky ease into his day is obituaries.
AviatrixApril 4th, 2011 at 2:24 am [Reply]
@Shogun (#10): They do in my paper. It’s “after a brave battle with cancer” or “of pneumonia.” If they don’t specify, I assume it’s either AIDS or autoerotic asphyxiation.
tedlerApril 4th, 2011 at 2:26 am [Reply]
4/4 Phantom: “No, I didn’t actually come in here with a plan. But that worked out pretty well!”
4/4 MT: Mark has similar words with his member every time Cherry enforces their once-a-month lovemaking agreement.
LeeApril 4th, 2011 at 2:41 am [Reply]
Is it just me, or is it actually startling when Funky’s doom and gloom actually matches the snarking it gets? It’s like – I’m sure there’s a TVTrope for it – when a character in something gets so known for one trait that they don’t even have to do/wear/whatever that thing for seasons and seasons, but you just kind of assume it was last episode? But… but there it is. Proof that the cancer is real! My world, it has been shaken.
jvwaltApril 4th, 2011 at 2:42 am [Reply]
Les apparently turns straight to the obits when he first gets his hands on the paper. Smart man; he knows he lives in the realm of the walking dead.
Noah R.April 4th, 2011 at 2:54 am [Reply]
I get an unsettled feeling from the look on Les’ face in today’s Funky Winkerbean. It’s a look that says, “Someone I only had a passing acquaintance with died of cancer? How I supposed to profit from or extort sympathy from others with this?”
Sunny Mel BlatherscytheApril 4th, 2011 at 2:58 am [Reply]
Funky winkerbean – Wowza, what a zany punchline. How is it that the Peeps in Batuikslavia drop dead faster from cancer than physically deformed criminals die from ironic homicide at the hands of Dick Tracy?
Vincent AlexanderApril 4th, 2011 at 3:01 am [Reply]
For a brief exciting moment, I thought that was Crankshaft who had died of cancer right before I read the heartbreaking words “John Stropp”. Can I just go on pretending Crankshaft was the cancer victim? Couldn’t “John Stropp” be a nickname? Please?
CharleneApril 4th, 2011 at 3:04 am [Reply]
@Shogun (#10): Formal American newspaper obituaries, the kind written by a reporter, almost always give both the cause of death and the name of whoever announced the death. An obituary is considered both a retrospective of the life *and* a news report of the death, and as such contains the details of both.
Even family death notices may give the cause of death, although it’s sometimes done indirectly through the “in lieu of flowers” charitable donation suggestion. There are some common euphemisms, too, such as “died unexpectedly/suddenly at home” for suicide and, getting back to the topic in question, “courageous battle” for cancer.
Hammer of the CarpApril 4th, 2011 at 3:07 am [Reply]
John Stoop – 0
Death incarnate wearing phantom of the Opera mask – 35
———————
Just like the lovable losing shlub he was in the 80’s, He didn’t cover the pointspread.
April 4th, 2011 at 3:12 am [Reply]
Family Circus – Dolly hopes what? Why would she be saying th-
Oh… no. Oh dear God, no.
No, no, no. No no no no no no no.
GabachoApril 4th, 2011 at 3:16 am [Reply]
Apt 3G – Margo couldn’t care less when she assumes Tommie is coming out of the closet but overwhelmed when she finds out that Tommie means destiny, not Destiny. Margo knows that Tommie doesn’t have a real sex life, but is stunned by the thought that Tommie might have a future.
Frank Lee MeidereApril 4th, 2011 at 3:16 am [Reply]
Mark Trail: Oh dear. It turns out that Mark didn’t so much know how to fly planes as he knew that planes should fly. Well, back to Plan B: flapping the arms.
Sunny Mel BlatherscytheApril 4th, 2011 at 3:18 am [Reply]
Hmm. I think the look on Les’s face is actually the sheer terror of realization in knowing that he dodged Tom Batuik’s wrathful cancerbolt this week, but next week?!?!
ShermApril 4th, 2011 at 3:23 am [Reply]
Zits- That last line…doesn’t actually mean anything. On the plus side, at least Jeremy will have a bright future in marketing.
Dr. WeirdApril 4th, 2011 at 3:26 am [Reply]
9CL
I can see why Edda is so upset… she’s fishing for compliments about her appearance from her fiancee who isn’t responding to her needs at all.
Oh, wait, that’s NOT her fiancee that she’s trying to get to worship her body! There’s a word for women like that, but not one that should be used here…
I wonder if Edda, having seen Seth dump his long-time boyfriend for a fling with a woman he barely knows, is hoping he’ll toss his new conquest over the side to sex up Edda instead. She surely deserves it, being a creature of such pure art. If Amos was more artistic, he wouldn’t have to worry about being two-timed, I suppose.
Frank Lee MeidereApril 4th, 2011 at 3:28 am [Reply]
FW: From death by cancer to childhood bullying in 24 hours. Of course, along the way we’ve also encountered a twisted knee and a failed high school coach. How boring. We need some new miseries. Does no-one in Batiuk’s universe suffer the embarrassment of Tourettes’ Syndrom?
Frank Lee MeidereApril 4th, 2011 at 3:36 am [Reply]
Oops. These recent comments are for April 4
SM: See the look on Morbius’s face in panel one? That’s the face of a guy thinking, “I can’t believe he bought that!”
Bill ThompsonApril 4th, 2011 at 3:43 am [Reply]
@Noah R. (#18): Noah, two things can happen here. One is that Louse More has a retcon flashback to his high school days with Jock Strapp, who will have given him The Best Advice Ever Given on how to survive being bullied. The other possibility is that Louse will find a way to ingratiate himself with the newly dead’s survivors, then write a book on his painful relationship with their pain.
If I were the coach’s family I would do everything possible to avoid meeting him. Their best bet is to take lamb’s blood and write “Pass over this house, Les More!” on the doorframe, then eat unleavened bread and leave town at once.
AlisonApril 4th, 2011 at 3:54 am [Reply]
For some reason, it’s amusing me to imagine Leroy and Loretta are outside their own house ringing their own doorbell. I’m not even drunk and I don’t know why I find this funny. Oh well, at any rate, it’s the very first time I’ve ever giggled while reading “The Lockhorns”.
Dr. WeirdApril 4th, 2011 at 3:56 am [Reply]
@Bill Thompson (#31):
I don’t think either of those will happen… the FW cast is almost as inbred as that of Luann. Look at this picture of the “Next generation” cast… http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c6/Funky_Next_Gen.jpg
How many of those people appear on a regular basis? Some have vanished completely, others just show up to set up a gag (such as Crazy Harry). Only Les, Funky and Wally have any sort of dramatic arc going on. Bringing back an old character or his family to explore anything seems unlikely and would detract from highlighting Les’s greatness and pathos.
AuroraApril 4th, 2011 at 4:19 am [Reply]
That’s a great name for a team, come to think of it–The Fighting Scapegoats!
I used to read Funky Winkerbean in my childhood and am actually kinda sad about the old coach passing. But hey, at least he lead the Fighting Scapegoats to victory!
April 4th, 2011 at 5:10 am [Reply]
Night time use, meal celebrations, as well as other destinations can easily almost all become achieved using a individual couple of tory burch sandals pumps shoes or boots. In the mean time they could present the speciality properly inside all sorts of situations with out being concerned concerning the complementing. nike shoes typically offer returns along with hassle-free in order to consumers.
JupiterPluviusApril 4th, 2011 at 5:23 am [Reply]
Jesus Christ. Can’t someone put some Prozac into Tom Batiuk’s tapwater or something? YOU KNOW WHAT THIS STRIP ABOUT HORRIBLY SHATTERED BONES AND DREAMS NEEDS? MORE CANCER! THAT’S IT, CANCER!
JupiterPluviusApril 4th, 2011 at 5:27 am [Reply]
@Aurora (#34): But hey, at least he lead the Fighting Scapegoats to victory!
Well, no. Not so much. He led the Fighting Scapegoats to one horribly depressing defeat after another. He probably embraced cancer as a welcome relief (not to mention weird Phantom of the Opera! Death).
Maybe Les will develop a morbid fantasy that Lisa is cheating on him in the afterlife with the late Coach Stropp, and be arrested for vandalizing their respective gravesites. Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?
Bill ThompsonApril 4th, 2011 at 5:45 am [Reply]
@Dr. Weird (#33): You have a point, Dr. Weird, but it’s obvious that Batyuck needs to spread the gloom among more characters. Louse, Wally and Funky could hoard the misery among themselves and their closest relatives, but that seems like a form of emotional incest–oh. I concede the argument.
teenchyApril 4th, 2011 at 6:31 am [Reply]
@Sunny Mel Blatherscythe (#19): Does anyone suppose the immediate Funkiverse is some kind of cancer cluster? Wouldn’t it be interesting if some Westview lawyer got to the bottom of things and helped win some damages from some polluting corporation or government entity that dumped toxins into the environment?
Nah, didn’t think so, considering the only known lawyer in Westview rolled over and died – literally – without even challenging her misdiagnosis.
seismic-2April 4th, 2011 at 6:43 am [Reply]
In the Funkyverse, the newspaper is just a wrathful God’s vehicle for reminding the residents of the ultimate futility of ever going to rehab.
gleebApril 4th, 2011 at 6:50 am [Reply]
Blondie: Does this mean Blondie is going to have a magic-battle with Mrs Dithers?
Gil: How did a high school student play shortstop at Elon U?
‘bean: What? No cancer? No death? No grieving? Pah!
Pluggers: …don’t cotton to literacy.
Amanda KateApril 4th, 2011 at 6:50 am [Reply]
This is just the most quintessential Funky Winkerbean ever. “Les reads about coach dying of cancer before taking his daughter to rehabilitate her crippled body.” I don’t really follow Funky- is this girl the girl with one arm? Because that would be absolutely perfect and they would never have to print another strip again due to all the writers and artists killing themselves.
OKStanApril 4th, 2011 at 6:52 am [Reply]
FW: I most of the papers, including the weekly (yes, I’m from a small county), cause of death is usually “after a long illness”, or “suddenly”. “After a long illness” could mean the ever-popular cancer, pneumonia, leukemia, AIDS, or the like. “Suddenly” generally means heart attack, car wreck, stroke, meth lab explosion, or riddled by bullets in a shoot out.
Rocky StoneaxeApril 4th, 2011 at 6:55 am [Reply]
@Alison (#y17):
“Sknkxxx”???
I wish this strip had another panel so Dagwood could find out the mattress is too expensive and angrily tell the salesman, “Eat my shorts!”
In Saturday’s strip, Dagwood calls out the name of his lover: “Skeezix!” Two days later, a person using the name of “Alison”* posts a comment about said strip. Coincidence? I think not!
*Allison is Skeezix’s “real” name! (alley + son = Allison)
Little GuyApril 4th, 2011 at 7:01 am [Reply]
@Dr. Weird (#28): Sophie Parker, Teen Amazon: I can see why Edda is so upset… she’s fishing for compliments about her appearance from her fiancee who isn’t responding to her needs at all.
That works. Unfortunately.
Curtis: Okay, it was *Monday*. By Saturday, it will be pissed away.
Big Nate: You know, I learned something today….
Little GuyApril 4th, 2011 at 7:02 am [Reply]
@Little Guy (#45): Substitute “Sophie” for “Edda” and “mother” for “fiancee”. My HTMLfu needs work.
Little GuyApril 4th, 2011 at 7:06 am [Reply]
FW: The Funkyverse is the only place where people turn to the obituaries first, and they *are* disappointed when they don’t see their names.
Jocelyn KnockersburyApril 4th, 2011 at 7:07 am [Reply]
Sunday FW: In the 80s, that coach was known as Jack Stropp. It was one of the funny names the strip used to revel in, not as offensive than Harry Dinkle but not as bland than Les Moore. Yet that explains why Les looks so scared: He knows the angry god of the Funkiverse is after those with the pun-based names, and he’s next on the list.
Monday A3G: It’s 6 AM, and Margo has already donned the rubber gloves and stashed a few, erm, pieces of evidence in the upright freezer.
pugfugglyApril 4th, 2011 at 7:09 am [Reply]
Good grief, you can almost hear the obituaries editor going through file photos of coach Stropp: “…..too happy……too healthy……too well-dressed…too vibrant….Ah, here we go: frowning, pale and with an old hat across half his face. Now to write up a depressing, poorly edited summation of his life, and we can remove the last of that pesky dignity…”
Rocky StoneaxeApril 4th, 2011 at 7:25 am [Reply]
@Lance Hunter (#9), @Tim (#12):
Don’t be so glum, chums! Les is reading The Cancerville Gazette, Westview, Ohio’s leading “obitpaper”* in which major news stories are relegated to a single page in the back!
*A weekly shopper, The Pluggers’ Nickel, is Westview’s #1 source for news!
PatrickApril 4th, 2011 at 7:33 am [Reply]
In the Funkyverse, the obituaries page is also known as the “funnies.”
FlummoxicatedApril 4th, 2011 at 7:39 am [Reply]
Mark Trail, skilled pilot: “Come on, plane! Lift up! Up! Up!” Maybe this is how he accomplishes other tasks, too. “Come on, coffee beans! Brew! Brew!” “Come on, shoes! Get on! My! Feet!”
seismic-2April 4th, 2011 at 7:51 am [Reply]
It’s too bad that we can’t read the entire obituary: “In the seventies and eighties, he led the fighting scapegoats to a combined record of zero percent self-esteem, one hundred percent alcholism and depression, and two hundred thirteen suicides.” That makes him practically the Vince Lombardi of the Funkyverse!
Rocky StoneaxeApril 4th, 2011 at 7:52 am [Reply]
@Flummoxicated (#52):
Mark’s also the boss of himself:
Come on, heart! Beat! Beat! Beat!
Come on, teeth! Chew! Chew! Chew!
Come on, bowels! Move! Move! Move!
GidgetNApril 4th, 2011 at 7:55 am [Reply]
Legitimately thought that was Crankshaft in the obituary. Oh well, maybe next week.
ArchieNemesisApril 4th, 2011 at 8:13 am [Reply]
First he was seduced by the intriguing world of diamond smuggling and voyeurism.
Then he grew a beard, and became enamored with the excitement of the drug smuggling game.
Now he is actively engaged in the most vile of all the ilicit trades, human smuggling.
Mark Trail has become the most evil man in the comics, so gradually that we didn’t even notice.
April 4th, 2011 at 8:16 am [Reply]
Mayor Dalton is happy to live in Glenwood, not Westview: his Pacebook lovin’ prostate is killing him at Rex Morgan MD speed. Even if he had just six months to live, that funeral would be in the Sunday, May 13, 2063, edition of the strip.
Little GuyApril 4th, 2011 at 8:19 am [Reply]
MT: …and that’s why naming one’s manhood is so WRONG!!!
wossnameApril 4th, 2011 at 8:38 am [Reply]
MT – Um, Mark? I don’t think they’ve perfected cockpit voice recognition software yet. It might be a good idea to pull up on that stick-looking thing.
Blondie – In a perfect world, on Sunday we’d see Val with Dagwood’s hair.
RMMD – Holy crap, Drew turned into a sort of Donny Osmond-Rusty hybrid, just for panel 1.
OBH – Now that was funny.
Pluggers – And you’re a stupid plugger if you think the pictures change from day to day to give you a realistic idea of what your meal will look like.
Spam sandals at #35
Chip WhittleApril 4th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]
@Amanda Kate (#41):
This is just the most quintessential Funky Winkerbean ever. “Les reads about coach dying of cancer before taking his daughter to rehabilitate her crippled body.”
It needs a sepia-toned “fakey old-time photograph” panel of something that happened last week to achieve The Ultimate Funk. And maybe get someone hit by a car because the driver was on a cell phone that doesn’t work.
Rocky StoneaxeApril 4th, 2011 at 8:52 am [Reply]
Heathcliff — “Ass19″ is an assinine name for a pizza restaurant!
Funky Winkerbean — Today the part of “Bull” is played by Emmy Award-winning actor John Lithgow!
Pseudo3DApril 4th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]
yFW: Seems that newspaper editors in Funkytown have poor copy editing skills.
[Old Man] MuffarooApril 4th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]
Blondie – Weirdly enough, a couple of days ago I was thinking how lucky the Phantom was not to have Dagwood hair. If I’d had the same thought about Prince Valiant, I’d maybe be a little scared just about now.
Mark – “Use the wheel, Mark! Stop giving the plane verbal instructions and put your hands on the controls!”
“Obi-Wan???”
@tory burch sandals (#35): I am spam. Spam I am! Want some shoes (not worth a damn)?
SwordsmithApril 4th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
I know this is a little late for an early warning system, but there’s an implied clown in the Sunday Cul de Sac. It’s off camera and only a partial clown, but you can’t deny it’s extremely evil.
Fester MorgensternApril 4th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]
Everyone lay off on Tom Batiuk. He has prostate cancer himself.
BraniffApril 4th, 2011 at 9:01 am [Reply]
FC–This scene has to be a Hallmark tribute to that classic sitcom South Park:
Dolly: Kick the baby, kick the baby
(A few minutes later)
Dolly: (screaming) OMG!!! You killed PJ–You bastards!!!
KinghasnoclothesApril 4th, 2011 at 9:01 am [Reply]
FW: I think we’ll start seeing nuclear power plants in the background in exterior shots. You heard it here first.
Fester MorgensternApril 4th, 2011 at 9:02 am [Reply]
‘Fraid not. Crankshaft was the bus driver, not the coach. Sorry.
SwordsmithApril 4th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]
@Fester Morgenstern (#65): How many arms does he have?
AnonymousApril 4th, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]
@Fester Morgenstern (#65): The good writer can rise above the level of the omphaloskeptic.
OneManApril 4th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]
Don’t forget the coach was also a big loser, his teams never won a game. So in many ways he is a perfect Funkyverse example.
Comcis FanApril 4th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#63):
Re comic-strip-character hair, it’s scary enough that you’re thinking about this at all. I say that as someone who recently discerned that the music in 1970 Scooby Doo cartoons was very Partridge Familyish, so I googled and discovered — surprise! — same composer, Danny Janssen, also of Josie and the Pussycats fame, whom I now dub the Sound of ’70s Bubblegum Pop.
jpApril 4th, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]
Margo’s crazy-eyes in panel 3 are really scaring me.
bats :[April 4th, 2011 at 11:31 am [Reply]
@Aviatrix (#14): the same with our paper. Unless you want the very basic death notice, you pay for obits by the word, and you can say just about any damned thing you want if you’re willing to pay. (And photos are at least $125, too.)
SquirrelGMApril 4th, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]
Most perplexing about the Sunday Funky is why Les appears to have a half-smile when he initially sits down to the read the newspaper. Was he expecting to read something pleasurable? In the Funkyverse?
Reading a newspaper in the Funkyverse should be treated with the same amount of “eager anticipation” as is usually reserved for IRS audits and cold-weather Space Shuttle launches.
ElkMeadowApril 4th, 2011 at 1:06 pm [Reply]
@tory burch sandals (#35):
SPAM!
ShiaiApril 4th, 2011 at 1:18 pm [Reply]
Batiuk is unfurling the coming storyline where we learn that the spirit rock in front of the high school is actually pure uranium, and everyone who ever walked that school’s hallowed halls is destined for irradiated death.
Not Worth ItApril 4th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]
The “fighting scapegoats” isn’t capitalized because it’s not the team’s name, or even nickname. It’s just a description of what they are. Like, if you had a friend nicknamed “Hairy Goat,” you’d capitalize the words. But if you kept a hairy goat in your yard, you wouldn’t.
markytomApril 4th, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]
FW: When I read the obit I skipped a line – “. . . died following a long battle with the seventies and eighties . . .,” which made me laugh. Not knowing who the coach was since I don’t know FW much, was he 89 or something? Or was he stuck in the past and couldn’t get over the 1970’s and 1980’s (like many people I know). Then I read Josh’s comment, reread the obit, and it became about the most unfunny thing one can read. Maybe it would be more appropriate for FW to actually be placed in the obituary section in the newspaper.
Not Worth ItApril 4th, 2011 at 2:17 pm [Reply]
@Shogun (#10): Actually, I always wonder about that. When I read obituaries, my first thought is always “why did they die?” I can never decide if the reason the cause of death is never included is just to avoid satisfying the morbid curiosity of people like me (in which case, they really shouldn’t publish obituaries at all), or if the newspapers actually have a policy for some really good reason. I mean, isn’t that the first thing everybody always wants to know? “Did you hear Tom died?” “Geez! What happened to him?” I never notice anyone going, “Did you hear Tom died?” “Oh, no! Did leave behind any beloved pets?”
MothApril 4th, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]
I can’t help but notice Leroy is saying “ankle” monitor, yet he’s pointing to his wrist. Not sure what to make of this exactly–either he’s that stupid or some sort of drug just kicked in, I dunno.
Just some guyApril 4th, 2011 at 8:13 pm [Reply]
Notice that Coach Stropp’s death is not listed in the “Obituaries” section of the local paper.
That’s because the ENTIRE PAPER is nothing but obituaries!
There’s a lovely group shot on the back page – probably a mass suicide or perhaps victims of a serial killer.
April 5th, 2011 at 12:04 am [Reply]
I guess Loretta must be a fan of White Collar to be so hip to the latest technologies. Then again, I suppose if I were married to Leroy, I’d fantasize about Matt Bomer too…
Cheeky Wee MonkeysApril 5th, 2011 at 12:11 am [Reply]
Rehab AND death in one comic? Awww yeah, misery for all!
Why are the Lockhorns’ feet in the exact same pose? It’s bugging me more than it should.
HmphApril 5th, 2011 at 12:15 am [Reply]
…Cancer rehab?
sullyApril 5th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]
I always imagined the miserable Lockhorns to be small in stature. Further review reveals that they’re virtual giants. Kitchen table tops barely rise above their knees, home doorways nearly require them to duck to pass through. I estimate their heights to be 6′8″ for him, 7 feet for her. You’re welcome.
LiamApril 5th, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]
Blondie-The Heminhaws? Geez, Herb if you don’t want to go camping can’t you come up with a better fake name than that.
Please read the posting and discussion policies before posting. You are not required to supply an e-mail address to comment; however, doing so decreases the likelihood of your comment being flagged as spam. E-mail addresses will never be made public or seen by anyone but the site writers, who may use them to communicate with commentors. Leave a Reply« Name
« Website
Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. If you are HTML-savvy, you can use the following tags:
« Saturday quickies Mark has the power » 
Like the site? Say it with cash! Your generous contributions keep this site strong and independent. Thanks! You too can advertise on blogs All the cool kids… 
…buy Comics Curmudgeon merchandise!
Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery Metapost: Ontario days, Tarzana nights! (Plus: COTW) Posting and discussion policies Privacy policy Email Josh Mobile / Lo-Fi Version All post content © 2004–2011 Joshua Fruhlinger. Comics reproduced here for purposes of review only, and all rights remain with their creators; please don't sue me. All comments remain the property and responsibility of those who posted them. Blog powered by WordPress, which is way cool. Hosting provided by ServInt Internet Services, who are lovely people. Site designed by the charming and talented Adam Norwood; logo designed by the talented and charming Francesco Marciuliano. This blog was once known as I Read The Comics So You Don't Have To. It is in no way affiliated with Funny Paper, which used to read the comics so you don't have to, and may do so again. Are you still reading this? Why are you still reading this? A.L.
0 comments:
Post a Comment