Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/8/11
Rex Morgan plotlines are actually pretty varied, but in many of them there comes a point when the wacky ancillary characters get in over their head and the Morgans have to bail them out. Inevitably, Rex uses this occasion to act like a put-upon dick. Panel three today, with Rex’s best “oh Lord, the humans and their problems, why can’t I just be left alone to read my newspaper in absolute silence” expression yet, should as far as I’m concerned be hanging up in every art museum in the world.
Mary Worth, 4/8/11
“That little girl with bone cancer who needs her pain meds in Room 287? Fuck her! I’m living in the moment.”
Momma, 4/8/11
The title character in Momma is a cruel, passive-aggressive narcissist, whose parenting style is so monstrous that there’s absolutely no question as to why the her children are so dysfunctional. But the strip has one saving grace, which is that it’s always clear that she’s very, very depressed.
Jumble, 4/8/11
Silly math teacher! You have to go to work every day to try and fail to inspire a group of sullen, hateful teenagers with your love of the beauty and wonder of mathematics. No amount of coffee will make your soul whole!
Panel from Apartment 3-G, 4/8/11
“So if you’re drunk, I’m thinking we could have a pretty good time.”
This entry was posted on Friday, April 8, 2011 at 08:46 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Jumble, Mary Worth, Momma, Rex Morgan, M.D.. | 302 responses to “” FafMorApril 8th, 2011 at 8:52 am [Reply]
3-G single panel t-shirt/coffee mug!
commodorejohnApril 8th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
A3G – Any given conversation with Margo has a one in five chance of her asking “are you drunk?” Her wielding the toilet brush like a scepter is pretty special, though.
BB – “It’s ‘another day closer to Halftrack’s death’ day!”
C&B – Indeed.
Curtis – Okay, this was pretty good. There’s still going to be an obvious deus ex machina to bring things back to the holy Status Quo, though.
DT – “EMP weapon = computers = bootleg DVDs?” Oh, crazy Locher moon-logic, I was so afraid you wouldn’t be joining us!
FW – FUCK.
GT – Coach Alcala’s secret plan: stamp out the one person in Milford who sings Woody Guthrie.
JP – Okay, crisis averted. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Woody, for not doing what it looked like you were going to do.
Love Is… – If you want to put three nipples on a lady, I’m totally down with that, but for fuck’s sake, bilateral symmetry!
MT – “And no, this doesn’t sound at all improbable when I say it out loud!”
MW – AHHHH PSYCHO STALKER!!! Just…waugh, one week in and we’re already plunging headlong into total insanity? What next, is she going to lock him in the supply closet?
Phantom – Uh, Chatu, he’s down. The wispy things in the air are weird, yes, but they’re not your most immediate concern.
Pluggers – Pluggers have no goddamn idea what the appeal of the MP3 player was.
RMMD – Oh man, Rex’s ham-handed amateur stage theatrics never, ever get old.
SFx – Craig Andrews, age 9, draws a mighty fine snake. Look at that, that’s all the essential snake components, distilled into a simple, perfect whole. Bravo, sir.
SM – Yeah, well, Lois doesn’t have to put up with a ride consisting entirely of parabolic arcs.
WoI – “FAT WANG?” As a sound effect? Eh, it’s still less nauseating than your average 9 Chickweed Lane.
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]
DT: Dick’s loosened his tie and undone his collar. I think he’s had a few coffees too many. J. Edgar’s twirling in his crypt.
Doctor HandsomeApril 8th, 2011 at 9:01 am [Reply]
Dr. Drew’s phony smile disappears in record time as he realizes that this bitch won’t take a hint.
CanuckDownSouthApril 8th, 2011 at 9:02 am [Reply]
There won’t be any consequences of Nurse Liza’s dereliction because comic-strip writers seem to think *all* jobs operate on Sitcom Labour Rules where running off and missing your shift due to the latest wacky script hijinks causes no problems whatsoever. Sadly, even getting the writer to watch a handful of Scrubs episodes would lead to a more realistic understanding of the pressures of working in a hospital.
DanApril 8th, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]
Can’t ever solve the puzzles, but would be shocked if the answer to the Jumble isn’t “half and half.”
Tom D.April 8th, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]
Funny, that link to “bathroom” shows that in 09 you focused on Apartment 3G and Momma, just like today. Creepy.
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]
Lobster Hair: Ooh! Two different TrueType fonts in the very same strip! An MS Word Autoshape Callout dialogue balloon! These hot tech chops are making me all tingly!
SpundeApril 8th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]
Jumble: Whatever he used, I’m sure it was integral to his morning routine.
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 9:11 am [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#2) said re SFx: “Craig Andrews, age 9, draws a mighty fine snake. Look at that, that’s all the essential snake components, distilled into a simple, perfect whole. Bravo, sir.”
Yeah, a simple, perfect hole. First snake drawing I’ve ever seen, in fact, that boldly depicted a snake’s asshole. Kid’s got a bright future.
commodorejohnApril 8th, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#8): holy fuck why does this strip exist.
Rocky StoneaxeApril 8th, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]
Wizard of Id — The King/Sir Rodney’s “fatwang” is missing an actual fat wang… and for that we should all be grateful!
Marmaduke — Hey, the cartoonist forgot to draw in the torches and the pitchforks! Maybe he can borrow a few from today’s Prickly City!
HaroldApril 8th, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]
“COKE AND METH” fits the Jumble, but I’m not sure that that combination would help the math teacher.
LizaApril 8th, 2011 at 9:17 am [Reply]
You people think I’m crazy? Pathetic? Delusional? Stalkerish? Dr. Drew is the only thing worth living for in this town!!! He’s the only one who has left Santa Royale and I want him to take me away from here, even if Vietnam is the only place the wormhole will take us!! And I love his Ken-doll mannerisms and the way he stares are me coldly. Together, in this moment, we will be deliriously happy! FOREVER!
Viceroy MattApril 8th, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]
I’m trying to think of a joke involving the word “subtrahend,” but it ain’t happening.
Dr. P and the WomenApril 8th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
That may well be the sauciest facial expression I’ve ever seen on Margo. Trey is in for a wild afternoon!
HibbletonApril 8th, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]
A3G: Margo holds the mythical fur-lined-bunghole. Looks like it’s Trey’s turn in the barrel.
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]
JP: Whatever the solution to Sophie’s equation, I’m telling you right now it’ll involve pi.
KiboApril 8th, 2011 at 9:27 am [Reply]
In that “Apartment 3-G” panel, Margo is saying, “I see Mary… and Tony… and Elmer… and Frieda… and Hazel… and George… and Kelly…”
DAMMIT THE WOMAN ON THAT SHOW NEVER SAID “KIBO”. That makes me so mad, I’m gonna put on my Romper Stompers and go wilding.
Little GuyApril 8th, 2011 at 9:28 am [Reply]
PBS: Pastis has been en fuego all week.
Dilbert: It’s a lame fourth-wall joke, but it still works. What gives?
BB: Shutdown celebration?
FW: Wait until you see the retcon where we discover Les was actually having a forbidden love, that dare not speak its name, with the gym rope.
Future Curtis:
“Maaaaaaa!!! Curtis called up a SWAT team and had me arrested for no good reason!!!!”
“Don’t listen to him, Mom! I was watching ‘America’s Most Wanted’ and they talked about all the little kids that disappeared near his home, so I called in a tip, and they found all the victims half-eaten and in freezers!”
“Well, Curtis, if you have enough time to lay around on the sofa watching TV, then you have enough time to clean the toilet!”
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 9:28 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#12) on WoI:
No fat wang, true, but his uniball looks rather dropsical.
PatrickApril 8th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]
Apparently, June has one of those new-fangled Braille phones and is reading the message with her fingertips.
nescioApril 8th, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]
WoI: I think “fatwang” might be some kind of Idian curse. Someone seems to be saying it, it has quotes. Presumably it was said because the catapult failed and only threw the rock 10 feet.
Dan SnokeApril 8th, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]
I think it looks like Rex is trying to use his psychic powers to…well I’m not sure what. But he doesn’t really have his exacerbated look here. Maybe he’s trying to foresee if he is going to be put out in the near future by this turn of events.
Chyron HRApril 8th, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]
I read Rex’s first line as “What’s work?” I’m not entirely convinced I was wrong.
(Also, “Meth Teacher” in the Jumble.)
yellojktApril 8th, 2011 at 9:39 am [Reply]
I have just had my worst unbidden Apartment 3G sex fantasy EVER. And that covers a lot of ground.
DiggerApril 8th, 2011 at 9:39 am [Reply]
Momma is at least smart enough to realize that no organization would ever,ever name her Mother Of The Year, and that she is obviously being set up for some cruel prank.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 8th, 2011 at 9:39 am [Reply]
Frazz: story problem week continues. “flense” is such a cool word.
Lio: breaking the panel walls for the win.
9CL: I’m sure Amos can untie that organ for you. . . . .
DT: o dear. That’s a name that even Pastis and Price wouldn’t touch.
MG&G: wow. all week to set that up. lame.
rMC: Bridget the adorable.
word-doctorApril 8th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]
FW-Would it have been going too far if Les shook a big piece of sheet metal while Bull employed a diaphragm turkey caller?
A3G-It looks like she’s holding up an attachment from the “Anal Intruder” in “Top Secret!”
MT-I can imagine easily Tiger Woods reciting Mark’s line in panel 3.
CalicoApril 8th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]
Not only should the Rex panel be in all art museums, the classic “Margo holding toilet brush” should be right next to it.
Oh, and Mary’s “I’n NOT afriad” panel.
April 8th, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]
MW Look at Drew’s disappointed expression in panel 2: “Hmmmm….those have got to be B-cups at best. Well, I’m not wasting any more of my precious life moments talking to her….”
Momma is starting to remind me more and more of Livia Soprano. “Just wait until you have ungrateful kids of your own who let you live like this….Oh, I wish the lord would take me now….!”
CalicoApril 8th, 2011 at 9:42 am [Reply]
Afraid, I mean, bad typing.
Oh, and nice to see Mr. Math Teacher so jittery, with his cup of turbo-charged coffee. Maybe he added a little crystal meth to his morning caffeine.
HankApril 8th, 2011 at 9:42 am [Reply]
RE: Dick Tracy. I could be wrong but I think the old police frequencies were abandoned in part because they were so easy for people to eavesdrop upon.
HankApril 8th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#31): I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought of Livia Soprano today.
TheDivaApril 8th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]
A3G: Noodle Implements away!
MW: This is going to end with Liza putting Dr. Drew’s pet bunny in the pressure cooker, isn’t it?
C’shaft: Does Crankshaft still pay the energy bill? Why does he even care (beyond his overarching aim of being an asshole to everyone, I mean)?
FW: And the secret of Les and Bull’s torrid love affair is safe for another day.
JP: “You don’t have to repress your intelligence…just your personal tastes, feelings, desires and personality!”
Luann: Greg Evans continues to exact his private revenge on the girls who wouldn’t go out with him in high school.
SM: HOW long have these two been married again?
CalicoApril 8th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#31):
“Janice, you just want the house. Nobody cares about me… I’m just an old woman…oh boo hoo hoo…” *grabs kleenex dramatically*
April 8th, 2011 at 9:47 am [Reply]
A3G – I need to find a way to work the line ‘I’m wearing rubber gloves and holding a toilet brush’ into my daily conversations.
GT – ‘No, Mom, she’s making me better.’ I can’t be reading too much into this, I just can’t…
Jumble – Try as I might, I just can’t seem to fit ‘line of coke’ into the solution.
Pluggers – just need to shut the fuck up. Now.
DoodApril 8th, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]
Margo’s a regular janitor in a bun.
Professional MoleApril 8th, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]
And Margo sure as heck knows how to use that toilet brush. Oh yeah…
[Old Man] MuffarooApril 8th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]
Archie – If AA (luv) VL, and AA (luv) BC, does the transitive property mean that… aw, never mind. Academic interest only. [See also: "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo / He loves me, and I love you! / Therefore, vicariously, he loves you…"]
Dick – Two-way wrist radios? We’re headed back to stone knives and bearskins! Next thing you know, they won’t be able to use the transporter or go above Warp Four.
Esther BlodgettApril 8th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]
RMMD: Desi Arnaz as Rex Morgan says, “Ay ay ay! Dios, mira estes gringos locos, como me molestan todos los dias…”
FW: You are a pathetic hack. Please stop.
Dilbert: Meta, discreetly and tastefully delivered.
GF: Awwwwww! Cuteness! *clapz*
PBS: I shudder to think what Rat is going to do to Pastis. (BTW, I didn’t make it to his book signing on Tuesday. Ed Dravecky, did you go?)
MW: I cringed. Well done.
DoodApril 8th, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]
Can we get June Morgan and Abbey Spencer together for a yahbo-palooza?
[Old Man] MuffarooApril 8th, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]
Smirky – The history rewrite is kind of cute, but the thing I’ll take away from this is the looks on the faces of Drederick and “Garlic” outside the closet that Les and Bull are in.
Mary – Liza seems like a plugger. Make eye contact with her once, and you’ve got a friend for life.
[Old Man] MuffarooApril 8th, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]
Momma – Since when is this a life? Seriously? You don’t remember that stormy night when that nice young doctor threw the switch that brought down the lightning that put the hellish semblance of life into your tiny, leathery frame that was sewn together from the mismatched remains of undersized psychotics?
Phantom – The flowing wisps give a graceful feeling to this scene, and imply the presence — quiet at first, but swelling to a crescendo soon — of music. OH, CHATU! OH, PHANTOM!! AH, SWEET MYSTERY OF LIIIIIFE…
Popeye – Goon Island is shaped like a coffee cup? So Goon Island must be Java, and the Goons are Java Men. (Hey, why are you stoning me? I only said “Java”! Ow! That Hirts!)
teenchyApril 8th, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#18): Ah, but did anyone ask Sophie about pi?
tb4000April 8th, 2011 at 9:54 am [Reply]
A3G: Knowing Margo and what she possibly plans to do with Trey, whatever end of that toilet brush will be the business end is up for grabs.
[Old Man] MuffarooApril 8th, 2011 at 9:54 am [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#2): Isn’t “FATWANG” simply the gerund form of “Fatwa”?
@commodorejohn (#11): holy fuck why does this strip exist.
Why, that’s to make things like this look good by comparison!
@word-doctor (#29): Would it have been going too far if Les shook a big piece of sheet metal while Bull employed a diaphragm turkey caller?
Demme, but I do enjoy the way you think!
@Hank (#33): RE: Dick Tracy. I could be wrong but I think the old police frequencies were abandoned in part because they were so easy for people to eavesdrop upon.
Very true, but five decades later, most of the people who did that are gone, and those who live have forgotten how to make a crystal radio from a razor blade and a safety pin.
April 8th, 2011 at 9:54 am [Reply]
PBS – I have loved every minute of this week. MORE!
Esther BlodgettApril 8th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]
Had to go over to Wizard of Id to see what the fuss is about. It…it should be FA-TWANG, shouldn’t it? That’s sort of a catapult-y sound effect. FATWANG, on the other hand, sounds like Rod just passed that big stone right through his urethra.
Rocky StoneaxeApril 8th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]
4-8 Weird Sound Effects:
Drabble — BUMP!
Phantom — WHACK!
Spider-Man — FWIPP
The Other Coast — SLAM!
Wizard of Id — FATWANG
Pluggers — [musical note]
Monty — SNIFF… RRRGGG
Gil Thorp — [musical notes]
Funky Winkerbean — SMACK!! WHAM!
Piranha Club –
http://www.oregonlive.com/comics-kingdom/?feature_id=Piranha
Mole Man FanApril 8th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (y#335) and others apparently confused about Phantom’s turn of events: The gun is now missing because Chatu got psyched out by Phantom’s dare and laid his gun down. Chatu then explains what the gun dare was all about: To give Stripey-Pants an excuse to shoot-to-kill instead of his usual shoot-to-disarm. So, “no violence tonight” means, er, um, the hell with it, The-Ghost-Who-Tries-Provoking-Fatal-Gunfights will beat Chatu’s sorry ass to a pulp, anyway.
S-M: Even with “Spider-strength” and adhesive abilities that somehow work through boots, wouldn’t MJ’s weight pull Spidey off the wall a little? Although, now that I look at it, she should probably be flopping sideways from being pulled up from webbing around her stomach or crashing into the ledge because he’s pulling her up from a location in the middle of the rooftop instead of at the edge. So, who says you need a particle accelerator to rewrite the laws of physics?
Esther BlodgettApril 8th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
@Dood (#38): Hahahahaha!
pugfugglyApril 8th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
@Hank (#34): @Calico (#36):
I think that every momma strip should end in a Livia-inspired demotivational statement
“It’s all a big nothing….In the end you die in your own arms….”
Scott BotApril 8th, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]
FW – Ok, it was all a fake, Bull and Les are buddies now, everything is all warm and fuzzy. That still doesn’t explain why Les peed his pants…
CalicoApril 8th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]
MW – Um…I don’t think being late for a Nurses’ shift due to a creepy infatuation is an “it can wait” issue, unless you’ve got your own physical crisis or someone in your own family is dying.
Way to go, Liza.
April 8th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]
Momma is odd today: despite being a narcissistic creep, it’s strange that she’s smiling and her head is not flattened by that piece of cardboard she wears everywhere.
CalicoApril 8th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#53):
My favorite Livia scene (parts NSFW due to edit)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ft5XekX4FQ
April 8th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]
Jumble: Mmmmm, JACK AND COKE. I’d leave out the coffee though.
Momma: Breaking the fourth wall to cry for help? It could work if the strip had any readers besides this blog.
MW: She’s making crazy psychos everywhere look bad with that horrible dialogue.
zenveloApril 8th, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]
One of life’s questions: why does Mark Trail’s forehead have a jigsaw puzzle piece missing?
Scott BotApril 8th, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]
MW – ‘Oh, I don’t actually work here, I got fired a long time ago. I just stole this uniform so I can hang around stalking you without arousing too much suspicion.’
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]
9CL: What a coincidence. Binky of “Brewster Rockit” fucked up his spleen today too.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 8th, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]
ikkle big kitteh squee.
I see your Betty White lols, and raise.
probably moar later.
Rocky StoneaxeApril 8th, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]
Momma — There’s a novel called Neighborhood Watch currently up for grabs on eBay. Anyone know if “our” Mell Lazarus is the author?
http://cgi.ebay.com/NEIGHBORHOOD-WATCH-MELL-LAZARUS-Hb-Dj-1ST-Print-/190517995925?pt=US_Fiction_Books&hash=item2c5bc1e995
wossnameApril 8th, 2011 at 10:16 am [Reply]
FC – This is either the stupidest, or the most profound and existentialist, FC ever. Uh… I’m going with stupidest.
S-M – “As a reward”??? You patronizing asshole, she’s out there working to support your TV-viewing lallygagging lifestyle, and you’re going to give her a “reward” like she’s a good little girl?
Blondie – Win! Not so much for the punchline, but mainly because I suspect most people hate that “excellent choice!” routine and have been tempted to ask exactly the question that Dagwood asks. (And I’m sure you boys also appreciated the fanservice.)
DT – Oh ha ha ha! Barney Dhatkham! Ya get it? But I suppose corny character names are in the Gouldian tradition.
Dil – OK, now that was very funny in a totally meta way.
Jesse RApril 8th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]
“Just a moment, June, my Rex-Sense is tingling. It warns me when people expect empathy from me.”
kkarenbApril 8th, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]
FW – I called it Y@219! It looks like Batiuk is retconning the Les-Bull relationship to establish that Bull did not really bully Les. This explains their friendship now. It still stinks.
@Écureuil Écumant (#8):
Speaking of stinks – that is execrable. Unfunny and hideous.
RMMD – Isn’t it time for June to change her clothes? She has been wearing that starfish cowlneck for a couple of months now.
ms. docweaselApril 8th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]
PLANK
HATCH
OFFEND
FLAVOR
HALF AND HALF
OtherApril 8th, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]
MW: Well, then, I guess the hospital will have to ‘let her go’ in the other sense. She can enjoy being in the moment while packing her meager belongings, a disturbingly high percentage of which will be blurry night-vision photos of Drew Corey.
commodorejohnApril 8th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]
@Other (#68): But that’s all for the best, eh? Free from all other attachments, she can pursue her feelings for Drew with total abandon! To love with simplicity and purity!
CallidusApril 8th, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]
A3G- Oh my god a satchel bomb! Noble Trey, many have tried to assassinate Margo, but none have been willing to give their lives in a suicide attack. But it will all be for naught as Margo will sniff out your plot and show you just how much pain can be inflicted with a toilet brush.
Effluvius ErratusApril 8th, 2011 at 10:49 am [Reply]
Drabble: Oh, Norman, are you really gonna fall for old pet duck ruse?
Henry: So is the joke that Henry’s cold, emotionless psychopathic stare scared the hiccups out of this guy?
Judge Parker: “Approach Derek as you would a calculus exam…find a solution”? Is this Judge Parker or Small Wonder?
Marmaduke: Foolish mortals! Don’t you know your loved ones are gone forever, devoured in body and soul?
Mary Worth: Every Mary Worth story starts the same way. You get three to five days of Mary and someone else talking vaguely about the lives of other people; then we shift to those other people going Kabuki-like through the motions of life—holding clipboards authoritatively; eating imaginary food from empty plates; pointing at things for no reason; making awkward, content-free chitcat; etc. After 5 to 10 days of this, we come to a tipping point where the reader experiences a sort of inward groan and thinks, “Wow, I guess this story is really going to be about this total nonproblem.” Normally it’s a moment of disappointment (more at myself than Karen Moy), but since this story is shaping up to be one part My Dinner With Andre and two parts Fatal Attraction, I’m kind of feeling good about where this is heading.
Nancy: Woah! Is Sluggo about to lose his cherry? Looks like living with Fritzi has made Nancy a bit precocious.
Marvin's MomApril 8th, 2011 at 10:52 am [Reply]
Josh, I’m sitting in my high school biology classroom failing to inspire my teenagers right at this second. I felt like you were speaking RIGHT TO ME with that Jumble comment. I hereby assign you to put a comment in your next post that cheers up high school teachers instead of depressing us. Or I double-dog-dare you to, if that type of thing works better (wait a minute–that’s my problem. I’ve been giving these kids assignments instead of daring them to complete their worksheets!)
commodorejohnApril 8th, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#71): Are you kidding? I’m pretty sure Sophie was the inspiration for Small Wonder.
…I’m not quite certain how the chronology works out there, but I think it has something to do with Judge Parker time.
Scott BotApril 8th, 2011 at 10:55 am [Reply]
Nancy – I realize most police departments tend to be somewhat lenient about it, but do you think it’s such a good idea to advertise your prostitution service so openly?
Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™April 8th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]
Hello? Concierge? I’m up in Room 3G of the Mezzanine Suite. We have a stopped up toilet. Yes. Stopped up. Problem with kielbasa from the Girl and the Goat. Do you have someone, someone who speaks French, with a pair of rubber gloves and a European brush? That would benefit us all. Oh, and better yet, a shrew. Thank you.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 8th, 2011 at 11:00 am [Reply]
9CL’s new street sign.
ikkle big kitteh squee in triplicat.
bobkitteh
otterly dirty look.
playin’ hoops.
happy with flowers.
odinthorApril 8th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]
#5. CanuckDownSouth. —
There won’t be any consequences of Nurse Liza’s dereliction because comic-strip writers seem to think *all* jobs operate on Sitcom Labour Rules where running off and missing your shift due to the latest wacky script hijinks causes no problems whatsoever. Sadly, even getting the writer to watch a handful of Scrubs episodes would lead to a more realistic understanding of the pressures of working in a hospital.
Wait a minute. Are you saying that one has to schedule spontaneous supply closet weird sex so that it occurs during hospital workers’ breaks? OK, that certainly changes my plans for this evening. [Sighs and puts away his special stethoscope with the vibrating tip.]
Plinko CommieApril 8th, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]
Funky Winkerbean: In any other strip, the punchline would be the bully and the victim conspiring to stage a beatdown, fooling the bully’s cohorts. In Funkytown, the punchline is that that the sound of Bull punching his own palm is enough to cause Les to cry out in pain.
Beetle Bailey: Upset of the year: Mort Walker, he of the Gizmo character and 50’s-era “rebels”, beats his slightly more with-it cartoonist competition to the Rebecca Black bandwagon. Hidden panel: the camp hiking to Sarge’s cadence of FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN.
Pluggers: The Walkman is Plugger material. OK, fine, I get it, I’m old and living on borrowed time. I misread the Malt Shop sign and assumed that this was where Pluggers go to get their Colt 45.
ghApril 8th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]
Once again, Josh, you have bottled the Essence of Margo. I believe this is batch #794.
IconoclastApril 8th, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]
A man whose faced with a potentially challenging legal issue wants to consult with a trained legal professional instead of relying on a clueless doctor and a scheming nurse for advice? The nerve!
Artist formerly known as BenApril 8th, 2011 at 11:19 am [Reply]
MW: Warning to Doctor Drew, on top of the other ones. This chick is gonna get herself fired real soon. How much of her credit card debt are you ready to take on?
Momma: This is, I assume, the “Get Yourself Back in the Will” club.
C-Shaft: He’s not malapropping. Not one. What’s in that coffee?
A3G: “Whoa darlin’! One question at a time! And yes, as a matter of fact I did have a scotch or three at breakfast.”
S-M: Anyone else feel cheated that we don’t get to see MJ chunder all over her husband’s spandex?
DT: There is, of course, the punny “Dhatkham” name, which is to be expected. What tickles me more is that the team’s computer hacker is going to be a Flintstones uberfan. I hope they meet with him while he’s eating Cocoa Pebbles in a fake sabertooth skin.
BB: Miss Buxley is overjoyed to find out that she exists, even though it’s not Wednesday.
H&J: Jamaal is hoping to at least get to second base with the jury.
Phantom: A guy in a purple wet suit is beating on a shirtless guy while taking note that he’s been working out. In many places this is called a “hot date.”
PBS: I’ve never seen a cartoon character swear with a golf tee before. Not even when they’ve been playing golf.
Archie: Careful, Jughead. It was being proactive that brought us Poochie.
OBH: I always thought “Who Let the Dogs Out” was a song beloved of elderly wedding guests and no one else.
WofI: Congratulations to Sir RODney on his FAT WANG. His AVN award should be arriving in the mail any day now.
Pseudo3DApril 8th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]
Just noticed the “ChickweedCafe.blogspot.com” in today’s 9CL. It’s essentially the same thing as the Livejournal page, including lack of comments. It does, however, include an email address and a recent picture (which looks far creepier than I had previously imagined).
Mole Man FanApril 8th, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]
A Beetle Bailey and H&L creator has a book out: http://herocomplex.latimes.com/2011/04/06/flash-gordon-peanuts-calvin-and-hobbes-classic-strips-reconsidered/
Scott BotApril 8th, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]
@Plinko Commie (#78): Hidden panel: the camp hiking to Sarge’s cadence of FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN.
Will Beetle be kickin’ in the front seat or the back seat? Which seat shall he take?
(and thanks a lot for getting that song stuck in my head)
jayjaybearApril 8th, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]
@Plinko Commie (#78): Pluggers can’t drink Colt 45! Their spokesman was that Negro who backstabbed Han Solo!
DoodApril 8th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]
The fourth panel of Rex Morgan, M.D.:
Rex: “Ohferchrissakes! #@%& those two nincompoops!”
June: “Uhm, Rex, the phone is on. Berna can hear you.”
Sarah in ORApril 8th, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]
Being a math teacher, I solved that jumble w/out bothering to unscramble the words. Sad, huh?
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]
@Mole Man Fan (#51): Thank you. I didn’t understand that he was laying the gun down. I thought he was just turning it sideways from having seen too many badass gangsta movies. The pacing was just too fast for me. Also, do you think Liza might like Drew?
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#60): That works out well, as he doesn’t work there either. Does anyone work there?
KatyApril 8th, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]
June Morgan has that blue cowlneck again, but its little yellow bows have morphed into stylized stars or daisies.
Does it … make noise in her closet at night? What with all the squirming?
Alfred E. NeumanApril 8th, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]
MW— Dr. Al’s advice to lovelorn nurses: After you’ve chosen the doctor of your dreams from the hospital showroom floor, be sure to let him know that you are willing to abandon your patients at the drop of a speculum in order to spend time bonking him. Doctors are always impressed by a total lack of professionalism from nurses. A marriage proposal is sure to follow!
DoodApril 8th, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]
You know, in Mary Worth Land, shift happens. In the moment.
Effluvius ErratusApril 8th, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]
@jayjaybear (#85): I’m pretty sure there are black Pluggers. In fact, Effluvia and I once rented a “house” from one. “Black Pluggers remember what it was like to singly raise four children, outcast, south of the Mason-Dixon in the 1950s, in a 400-square-foot uninsulated shack in the middle of the woods, with a wicked wind blowing from Breton Bay…so fix the damn furnace yourself if it’s so important to you.”
[Old Man] MuffarooApril 8th, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]
@Sarah in OR (#87): That’s how I mostly used to do it. These days I go to the Flash version to see how fast I can jump through all their hoops. They make you unscramble some words before you can blurt out the solution in the boxes for some reason.
Scott BotApril 8th, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#89): I really don’t know. My theory is that they’re inmates in a mental hospital where all the patients are under the delusion that they’re doctors and nurses.
It would explain a lot, actually.
commodorejohnApril 8th, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]
@Alfred E. Neuman (#91): Added to my phrasebook: “at the drop of a speculum.” COTW!
Walker of DogApril 8th, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]
DT: “Dhatkahm… sounds foreign. I better kill him.”
FC: Bil and Thel are abandoning their children one at a time, to avoid creating a clump of urchins that might draw attention. PJ’s already gone, and since they’re going in reverse birth order, why yes, Jeffy, as far as you’re concerned, we are there.
GT: ‘Better’, ‘exhausted’ – all irrelevant, since the pillow is making her hypoxic.
Jumb: Like the rest of us, the math teacher’s life feels incomplete, as if he is missing the answers to the universe’s great mysteries. Fortunately there is someone who can help, someone to give him the information he didn’t ask for or even know he wanted. Why try to work out these questions for himself, he thinks, even if he would enjoy the challenge, when this generous soul will fill in the blanks and clear a hurdle from his path?
What the math teacher used in his coffee to make it whole: |M|S| |D|O|C|W|E|A|S|E|L|.
(Also, I wouldn’t trust a restaurant that has a clearance sale on food.)
gnome de blogApril 8th, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]
@Mole Man Fan (#51):
So what did “either way, this will be your last night in Boomsby Prison” mean?
April 8th, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]
Pluggers remember when Hoover killed Hitler on a unicorn.
A plugger’s wristwatch is his fridge.
Pluggers believe in saying it with flung feces.
Pluggers sometimes eat their young.
Pluggers in mirror are closer than they appear.
A pluggers freezer is his castle.
Plugger kids tell the teacher their dad ate their homework.
Pluggers think rap music is what you do when you buy somebody an 8-track for Christmas.
Pluggers say “Merry Christmas” all year round.
It is the law! Are they not pluggers?
Pluggers live in vain.
Pluggers put their hands over their heads when they see an airplane because they think it will poop on them.
Pluggers fear color television.
Pluggers don’t ask for directions because they never go anywhere unfamiliar.
Pluggers suck.
April 8th, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]
Here’s an apostrophe to use in #99: ‘
gnome de blogApril 8th, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]
@ms. docweasel (#67):
You just can’t help it, can you?
April 8th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#94): I’m doing the Flash version too. The only thing I don’t like is the way a screen telling me how many “coins” I have won pops up and obscures my view of the cartoon. I’ve learned that if I click “play again” it goes away again, though.
Do you think the Jumble spoilers believe they are performing a public service, think that they will be impressed that they solved the puzzle, or actively want to dampen other people’s fun?
gnome de blogApril 8th, 2011 at 12:01 pm [Reply]
Forget Rex’s “why me?” pose. June is looking mighty sultry in panel 2.
Doctor HandsomeApril 8th, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]
What the hell club would name Momma “Mother of the Year?” The Khmer Rouge?
gnome de blogApril 8th, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]
So how does Drew, who just breezed in from Southeast Asia and strolled into the hospital for no apparent reason, know or care about when nurses’ shifts start?
CalicoApril 8th, 2011 at 12:06 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#81):
I hear “Doctor” Drew is getting his own show on HLN. Be afraid, Nancy Grace, be very afraid.
April 8th, 2011 at 12:07 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#99):
Pluggers rebroadcast, reproduce or otherwise use the game without the express written consent of Major League baseball, and they don’t care whether its prohibited or not, dammit!
April 8th, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]
MW: In the alternative storyline playing out in the background, the Drew-clone is about to walk past the ponytailed Liza-clone without incident. But in that scenario, where is the gripping emotional rollercoaster or the heart-pounding plot twists?
Phan: Chatu is puzzled – is the Phantom angry or turned-on? Or both? Suddenly he really wishes he had a shirt on.
RMMD: It’s true, Rex – other people are the worst.
S-M: MJ’s motion sickness is as made-up as her 24-hour menstrual cycle.
Plug: Pluggers remember an even earlier time, when Japan was our hated wartime enemy.
But since we won, Pluggers are cool with them now.
A3G: After much research, Trey has brought a gift he knows will be perfect for Margo: a plunger.
gnome de blogApril 8th, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#102):
I suppose it’s also possible that Jumble spoilers simply enjoy the reaction they get from people who understand common courtesy.
April 8th, 2011 at 12:19 pm [Reply]
You know what I’d like to see? A Comics Cookbook.
No recipes from us, the mudgeons, but from the comics charaters themselves.
Tuna Casserole (ech), tofu croquettes, Helga’s “Pot au Feu,” whatever Elly puts on the table for her unappreciative and whiny brood, Diane Wilkins’ roast chicken, Montoni’s Pizza, Loretta Lockhorn’s nasty meatloaf, whatever that brown crap is in Abby Spencer’s mixing bowl, Meatball juice martinis from Cookie, all those nasty “veg-tables” from DtM, etc.
Oh…and Dag’s epic sandwiches!
April 8th, 2011 at 12:19 pm [Reply]
Colognes and Perfumes of the Funnies:
Mary Worth’s Liza – Desperation
Luann’s Tiffany – Bitter – by Coty
A3G’s Margo – Eau de Toilette (Brush)
Gil Thorp’s Al-Jo – Glove’s Baby Soft
Sally Forth’s Sally – Burnt Out Musk
FW’s Les – Janitor in a Drum (mingled with pee)
CalicoApril 8th, 2011 at 12:19 pm [Reply]
Oh, and Dennis is a hoarder! Haha!
CalicoApril 8th, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]
@Old School Allie Cat (#111):
Ha, funny we posted our Comics Product ideas simultaneously! I knew this would be a good day. : )
Now, a face off between Mary Worth and Charlie Sheen.
“I have Tiger Blood and Adonis DNA!”
“Charlie, I’m NOT afraid! Now let’s go the Bum Boat for the ‘7 Gram Rock’ special!”
April 8th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]
@Walker of Dog (#97):
FC: Bil and Thel are abandoning their children one at a time, to avoid creating a clump of urchins that might draw attention. PJ’s already gone, and since they’re going in reverse birth order, why yes, Jeffy, as far as you’re concerned, we are there.
They’re saving Billy for last so they can pin it on him.
Alfred E. NeumanApril 8th, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]
Jumble— Based on the solution to today’s puzzle, it looks like LUJBEM FEJF has been hitting the massage parlors again.
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]
@Calico (#110): Oh yes. Plus spit roasted whole pig, and those giant beef shoulder roasts Helga makes for Hägar.
TomApril 8th, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]
Rex isn’t looking put-upon: he’s doing his Dr. Mesmer impression!
Writer's BlockApril 8th, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]
Every time I think I’ve got the author of Funky Winkerbean all bottled up, he squeezes past me, by changing history and established character traits to suit his current storyline. Brilliant! The beauty part is, it’s just a comic strip, so it’s not like his readers are really paying attention anyway. Now where were we? Oh yeah, the dimwitted bullying coach is playing amateur physical therapist, and inappropriately rehabbing a teenage girl’s surgically repaired leg. Only he’s kind and gentle now, so what could go wrong? I’m outfoxed again.
Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts:April 8th, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]
@Mole Man Fan (#83): Brown is an expert on The Comics? He helps produce two of the crappiest strips out there.
nancy sluggo 4everApril 8th, 2011 at 12:48 pm [Reply]
MW: Wait. Isn’t Nurse Liza just Dawn in a blond wig? “Being in the moment” indeed – dad’s kite therapy certainly HAS paid off!!!
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]
Prickly City: Stantis has obviously been greasing the bearings on his weathervane,
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 12:51 pm [Reply]
HTH: Well, Doc, it looks more like Hagar’s diet is adhering to him, not the other way ’round.
Jim NorthApril 8th, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]
A3G: Two weeks? Man, time flies like an arrow in Apartment 3-G, dunnit? And Trey flies like a toilet brush, am I right?
. . . wait, that didn’t work out so well.
BC: Dammit, it’s bad enough we’ve got two Funky Winkerbeans already, we sure as hell don’t need a third. Sign yourself up for some chemo quick, B.C., before it’s too late!
Blondie: Some days, Blondie makes me laugh. This is one of those days. I just wish they could keep up the laughs on a consistent basis. I sometimes wonder if maybe the reason they can’t is because of executive-legacy-strip-related meddling, or if maybe the monkeys at the typewriters just aren’t up to Hamlet level some days.
Crank: “-I was afraid someone was going to lose an ear to frostbite.” The laughs are kind of sucked out of this punchline given it’s evident that’s exactly why Kristen wears her hair like that. From now on, every panel she’s in will be set up specifically to show off her missing ear.
DtM: In an attempt to up his menace quotient, Dennis has taken to shoplifting junk from pawn shops. Since he can sneak around just under the level of the counter, he knows he can easily go back for more at any time. Alice is unimpressed, but only because she hasn’t noticed the sweet-ass Tesla bottle capacitor in the middle of the pile.
DT: Things to love about today’s Dick Tracy: They’re going to be using the old 2-way wrist radios, the name “Barney” Dhatkham, and the luscious Liz is wearing something off the shoulder. Hot cha cha cha!
FW: More or less depressing than yesterday’s strip? You make the call!
Oh, wait, definitely more depressing. Hey kids who get bullied all the time, it looks like Mr. Batiuk is here to tell you . . . it doesn’t get better! The best you can hope for is that you find a not-bully to pretend to bully you so you won’t get bullied by the real bullies! Yah, that’s the ticket! Any kid can do that, right? It’s easy!
MW: Yah, turns out she’s a crazy lady, but I’m not too worried, myself. This storyline will wrap itself up pretty quick when young Dexter learns that Nurse Crosby here has been secretly euthanizing the patients. She’ll wake up in a room covered in saran wrap in just a couple of weeks, tops.
Pluggers of the Future remember the original iPods. They were made by Wurlitzer and played Brittany Spears songs on vinyl records.
RMMD: “Oh, for Pete’s sake, honey, I told you I don’t want to hear about the plot tonight. I’ve got a headache.”
Rocky StoneaxeApril 8th, 2011 at 12:55 pm [Reply]
@Calico (#110):
According to the website CalorieLab, such a cookbook has already been published… in Scotland!
Scottish Comic Strip Cookbook a Nutritional Disaster
A cookbook based on the recipes supposedly used by the popular comic strip character Maw Broon (Ma Brown, as pronounced in the Scots vernacular), has risen to the number 2 position on the Scottish bestseller list. Outselling cookbooks from health-oriented celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, Ma Broon’s Cookbook includes recipes for a bacon-and-egg pie (containing half a pound of bacon), sugary “clootie dumplings,” and beef-fat-laden “stovies” stew. A more contemporary Scottish treat, the deep-fried Mars Bar, is not included in the cookbook. Of the recipes nutritionist Carina Norris commented, “There’s no way that I could recommend them … You could well end up obese.”
Maggie the CatApril 8th, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]
@Hibbleton (#17): A3G: Margo holds the mythical fur-lined-bunghole. Looks like it’s Trey’s turn in the barrel.
Hahaha, I giggle every time I think about this.
Jim NorthApril 8th, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]
@Jim North (#123): I totally misspelled “Britney Spears”. Maybe I should just leave Britney alone.
MibbitmakerApril 8th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]
Oversnarpologies where/if needed…
Ziggy’s not ‘pro-bird-life’.
S4th: Omigod, she’s the “living vampire” from Spider-Man!
RwO: A day in the life of an air traffic controller.
PCity: I guess, for Stantis, “conservative” means “old jokes”.
MaryAnnTheRestApril 8th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#54): Hey, yeah, what happened to that mysterious yellow liquid? It wasn’t part of a Les ambush, so I guess it really was pee. Now we know why Bull won’t touch him.
Yesterday we had boojum’s absolutely spot-on analysis of Mark Trail being written by his (her?) three year old daughter. I think FW is being written by my 8 year old son.
“And then he was like I’m gonna beat you up, and everyone was like oooh burn. So they chased him and he hid. And then … then … he PEED HIS PANTS! Hahahahaha! So the guy goes in and he’s like slam! smack! But he just going like this Mom, watch.”
** punches fist into hand **
“Did you hear how loud I can do that? You could probably hear that through a door! Mom? Mom?”
CalicoApril 8th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#116):
Oh, and Cherry’s luscious pancakes. With lots and lots of syrup!
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#124):
Wow, fried goodies! My heart is fluttering, but maybe not in a good way.
April 8th, 2011 at 1:03 pm [Reply]
MW: Dr. Drew is crestfallen at Liza’s inability to pick up on the simplest social cue, and with the realization that she’s already hopelessly obsessed.
Blondie: Ha! It’s as if that mysterious, cute little owl ushered in a whole new era for this comic. I am unironically a fan.
9CL: Against my better judgment I read this one today. For those of you that will continue to read it, someone best make this stop!
MibbitmakerApril 8th, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]
Phantom: Translation: “Macho macho macho macho macho macho macho macho macho macho macho macho macho macho…”
MW: This is why, as was in the news last night, hospitals make tons more mistakes that anyone ever knew.
Lockhorns: “Thank you, Ed Sullivan!”
JP: “…and if you can fake a shared interest, you’re in!”
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 1:05 pm [Reply]
A3G: “I’ve just gotten in from the Miami airport, Margo. Wanna party?”
boojumApril 8th, 2011 at 1:06 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#124): I could SO go for bacon-and-egg pie right now. Ask me about it!
‘Clootie dumpling’ sounds like something both filthy and… oddly tender. Like something your mother called you as a child, and later you found out was an anatomical term of soul-searing inappropriateness.
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 1:06 pm [Reply]
A3G: … “More cocaine, mule!”
MibbitmakerApril 8th, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]
GT: Laying face down, stiff as a board on your bed is “Making you better”?!
Garfield: Alternate comeback: “I dunno, who writes yours?”
FW: The ruinous retcon returns!
9CL: Inbred arrogance is not sexy, girl.
boojumApril 8th, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]
@Jim North (#126): Not knowing how Ms. Spears spells her name is clearly a sign of grace.
LiamApril 8th, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]
Marmaduke-Tired of living under his reign of terror the local neighborhood has banded together to put down Marmaduke.
Mary Worth-Meanwhile at least two of Nurse Liza’s patients would die because they did not get the medicine they needed.
Beetle Bailey-Life at Camp Swampy is so horrible that they do this every Friday.
Dilbert-It is nice to see Scott Adams finally admitting his shortcomings.
Calvin's Cardboard BoxApril 8th, 2011 at 1:12 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#102):
Pluggers are shocked to find a Jumble spoiler in the comments under a post that discusses the Jumble.
That is why I never come here until after I have read the day’s Mary Worth. I’d hate to spoil my surprise at learning that the plot really is turning out to be as simple and linear as it seemed.
Jim NorthApril 8th, 2011 at 1:14 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#54) & @MaryAnnTheRest (#128): It was fake pee poured there by Les himself so that the bullies could tell he was in there. The ruse wouldn’t work if Bull was suddenly like, “Maaaaaybe he’s in this jaaaaanitor’s cloooooset . . . I think I’ll cheeeeeeck!”
Since the actual bullies think they’re the ones who sniffed Les out, they’ll be less likely to question why Bull didn’t drag Les out to beat him up where they could watch. As many idiotic turns Batiuk takes in his idiotic storylines, especially this one, the fake pee under the door turns out to possibly be one of the least idiotic.
MibbitmakerApril 8th, 2011 at 1:14 pm [Reply]
Arch: Archie’s look says, “That’s a punchline?”
BBailey: (see Archie above)
Blondie: George Harrison did that joke first… and better!
DT: “Dhatkham”?!??!!! NOnononononononononooooooo!!! Is – is that a giant knife I see in our collective backs? And after that momentary good will with the arbitrary “Flintstones” reference, too! (for me, at least)
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 1:18 pm [Reply]
RMMD: June, can’t that stuff wait? I’m right in the middle of this Reader’s Digest article, “Learn Chiropractic in the Privacy of Your Own Outdated Law Library”.
boojumApril 8th, 2011 at 1:20 pm [Reply]
Phantom: And thus is born Strip Fight Club. For every roundhouse punch landed, the receiver has to take off one piece of clothing. Believe me: NO ONE talks about Strip Fight Club!
Note: The Phantom seems to be doing well in this round. But any minute now, that one-piece head-to-toe lycra number is gonna start to look like an even worse idea than usual.
commodorejohnApril 8th, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]
@boojum (#133): No man yet has seen Margo’s clootie dumpling and lived to tell the tale!
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#37):
I need to find a way to work the line ‘I’m wearing rubber gloves and holding a toilet brush’ into my daily conversations.
How ’bout…
“I thought I would never get invited to the Playboy mansion, yet here I am wearing rubber gloves and holding a toilet brush!”
April 8th, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]
@Calico (#129): Syrup is not just for pancakes, anymore.
[Old Man] MuffarooApril 8th, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#102): An interesting thing I learned from Edward Eager (I think it was in Half Magic) is that watching silent movies was far from silent, because many children, and even some adults, had to blurt the titles out loud, with the emphasis on “loud.” It’s like people who can’t have a thought in their heads without immediately broadcasting it — I think this is called “Trail’s Syndrome.”
There’s also an element of trollish triumph when they get a reaction, as was suggested up there (waves vaguely) somewhere.
Not Just Any DipstickApril 8th, 2011 at 1:27 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#144): “and nothing else”.
Not Just Any DipstickApril 8th, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]
RMMD: “And the question is…”
boojumApril 8th, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]
@Mibbitmaker (#131): On the Phantom – It’s like Sam Anderson’s comment on major league baseball: That scene is as manly as “a y-chromosome throwing a bachelor party for a penis with a beard.”
Not Just Any DipstickApril 8th, 2011 at 1:31 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#100): Ha Ha Ha, Here I thought someone else was correcting the ‘Old Man’. Didn’t see who it was until third time I read it. I must be getting ‘old’, What? can’t hear you!, WHAT!!!!!
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 1:31 pm [Reply]
@Not Just Any Dipstick (#147): “So there.”
boojumApril 8th, 2011 at 1:33 pm [Reply]
@boojum (#149): I also have to give props to RiffChick’s equally brilliant companion comment: “Gray’s Anatomy is as girly as Audrey Hepburn painting her toenails in a field of daisies.”
Effluvius ErratusApril 8th, 2011 at 1:35 pm [Reply]
@boojum (#142): Well, the domino mask will count as one article of clothing, and then the guns, the holsters, and skull rings will go, each in their in their turn, before he gets to the purple bodysuit. And after that he’ll still have the fishnets, garters, and whale-bone corset.
terrapinApril 8th, 2011 at 1:35 pm [Reply]
A3G: “So bend over and take it like a man Trey!”
Blondie: Has been hitting them out of the park lately. What’s going on?
FW: Aww man! Shoot!
Phantom: Two weeks of these two trading punches. Alright!
bats :[April 8th, 2011 at 1:36 pm [Reply]
@Dood (#42): Yay! I can trot out some old mashups for your viewing pleasure, Dood! Happy to do it…have a great weekend, folks!
Dr. WeirdApril 8th, 2011 at 1:37 pm [Reply]
FW
So… Bull didn’t actually bully Les. As the school bully, is Les the ONLY person Bull put on this show for? Did he continue to heap verbal and physical abuse on other hapless students? Or was Les the specialest snowflake who was the ONLY person ever (apparently) bullied at school in their class? Yeah, that sounds about right for the direction of the strip. I’ll bet we’ll see teenage Les winning a Pulitzer for a school paper article soon.
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#138): Sigh, I do it first too. I suspect not many are caught out. I just always wonder what the purpose of those posts is. She’s not trying to make us laugh, she’s not praising someone, nor is she soliciting camaraderie, information, sex or stuffing recipes. I really want to know. Just a quick, “Hey, I’m seeking validation as a person smart enough to unscramble short words” or “I’m out of paper, don’t have networked e-mail and I need to be able to refer to this solution from any computer.”
This comment, by the way has the dual purpose of griping, and acknowledging your and [Old Man] Muffaroo’s contribution to my research. Mine aren’t good purposes, but you can at least tell what they are. In the future you can say, “Sure there are still people posting Jumple results, but thanks to OMM, at least Aviatrix isn’t whining about it anymore.”
Not Just Any DipstickApril 8th, 2011 at 1:40 pm [Reply]
DT: Who’s next: Doc Writer, Earl Address, Ex Cells, X Mall, Direct Orey,Blue Screen, Win Dos, and many many more.
Not Just Any DipstickApril 8th, 2011 at 1:45 pm [Reply]
MW: I don’t think (well that’s a given) that anyone has mentioned that the lovely couple has made a quantum leap closer to the windows. Artistic (to use a term horribly) license should not imply the ability to ignore the concept of perspective entirely.
mollificentApril 8th, 2011 at 1:46 pm [Reply]
MW: Yeah, ok, I was laughing before, but now I’m actually a little embarrassed for her.
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#62): BWAAAAAAAHHHH! Totally awesome. Angela Lansbury WINS. (Disagree? Behold. Sorry, Helena…
(and the other squee was otterly lovely too!)
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 1:47 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#155): Wow, bats :[! Sometimes warmed over leftovers are better then the first time.
I can’t believe you left out Blondie calling them “Cookie and Alexander” (one for each).
Not Just Any DipstickApril 8th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]
Did I mention You Nix, or Peng Quinn? Maybe Red Haht?
bats :[April 8th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]
@Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts: (#119): those who can’t, write books about it.
Yes, Josh, Rex Morgan IS art. (Not quite today’s histrionic panel, but one from a few years ago.)
Scott BotApril 8th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#157): nor is she soliciting camaraderie, information, sex or stuffing recipes.
You never know, there may be someone out there that has a fetish for people that can solve the Jumble. She’s probably making sure she’s covering all the bases.
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 1:53 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#164): It’s not that they aren’t capable of solving the Jumble — unquestionably they are. The issue is that they finish so quickly.
DoodApril 8th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#155): Thank you. I think.
Not Just Any DipstickApril 8th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]
MW: Panel 1: ” I bet yours is this long” 2: “I can hold em both, like this.”
Scott BotApril 8th, 2011 at 1:56 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#165): I know, sorry, I was just making a (very bad) joke. She irritates me just as much as she does everyone else, mainly because a while back she was being very snarky about us telling her to stop spoiling it.
JamesApril 8th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]
Today’s Marmaduke reads like it’s been edited from some original, joke-like format, a la Lockhorn vs Lockhorn. ‘We’ve all lost things recently and want to look in Marmaduke’s doghouse’. There’s not even a joke there, it’s just ‘Look, we’re angry and this is why we’re angry, it’s not a funny reason. Your dog’s annoying.’ Even by this strip’s standards, that’s astonishingly jokeless. I look forward to future attempts to reduce the strip to its core principles; ‘My dog’s big’, ‘Your dog’s big’, ‘Look, that’s a big dog’, ‘Achtung, ein großer Hund!’.
MWDGApril 8th, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]
MW:There was a girl like Liza in my high school, oddly enough her name was Liza. Anyhow she was the school slut. She had been in Special Ed through fourth grade but they lowered the maximum IQ for enrollment in Special Ed to 70 and Liza had an IQ of 71. Even with her limited wits, Liza usually got an “A.” At the end of eight grade she was caught by a local news team leaving a Howard Johnson’s Motor Lodge smoking a Virginia Slims cigarette, carrying a bottle of Jack Daniels, arm in arm with her former Special Ed teacher!
That being said I think Drew is better off with Liza than with that perpertual wet blanket Dawn.
Calvin's Cardboard BoxApril 8th, 2011 at 2:00 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#157):
It could also be an experimental, next-generation spam bot that escaped from the Cloud and now seeks out Jumble topics on the internets where it can spread its message.
It is eerily like spam the way that a spoiler post or two will always appear without commentary, just detailing the solution.
boojumApril 8th, 2011 at 2:02 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#157):
…soliciting camaraderie, information, sex or stuffing recipes…
Geez! You come here one time – one time! – thinking you’ve hit your bookmark for the BigGalsHungryForStuffing chat line, and do you EVER hear the end of it? No!!!!
This GuyApril 8th, 2011 at 2:04 pm [Reply]
Marmaduke: You know, things like watches… hamsters… children…
PBS: Done with all that stupid worldplay? Are you new here? (Answer: no and no.)
PC: I guess the desert environment preserves those ancient jokes so they can be used again.
@Écureuil Écumant (#165): Rule 36 strikes again, eh?
MibbitmakerApril 8th, 2011 at 2:08 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#62):
Craig Ferguson: “Do we have a picture of Paul McCartney…?”
Though, in this case, she looks more like Mary Worth!!!!!
Calvin's Cardboard BoxApril 8th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]
Rule 36? Isn’t that just Rule 34 with two fingers up your ass?
ElkMeadowApril 8th, 2011 at 2:11 pm [Reply]
@Liza (#14):
Well, since you put it that way, Liza, it all makes sense.
ElkMeadowApril 8th, 2011 at 2:12 pm [Reply]
@Liza (#14):
Hey, Liza, ever read the book, “The Return of the Native”? Drew might just be thinking about getting his own condo, next to his sister and new brother-in-law, and living there the rest of his life.
UncleJeffApril 8th, 2011 at 2:12 pm [Reply]
@Calico (#110): per request: Montoni’s Pizza
Mix two cups of flour made from the chaff of the wheat wtih one cup of tears.
Add the yeast of resentment, mix well and allow the dough to rise.
After an hour, hit the dough with crushing despair until it is flattened into a disc.
Put in oven set at 450 degrees to simulate your soul’s eternity.
Remove after 15 minutes.
Toppings?
You can’t top what you did in high school, so why bother with toppings.
Enjoy.
April 8th, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#99): Did you just make a “Scanners Live In Vain” reference? That’s amazing.
ElkMeadowApril 8th, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]
@Hank (#33):
RE: Dick Tracy. I could be wrong but I think the old police frequencies were abandoned in part because they were so easy for people to eavesdrop upon.
Heck, everyone in my small town had a police scanner decades ago. That’s how my parents (and everyone else) found out I had an outstanding parking ticket in another state, and that I was getting ticketed for parking on the pavement at the county fair.
Artist formerly known as BenApril 8th, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#2):
FW – FUCK.
You got the subtext right.
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 2:32 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#180): But no one has a police scanner in their kitchen anymore. That’s the beauty of it. It’s like posting details of your operation to a BBS. They could use disposable cellphones, but then they would lose deniability that they were doing anything covert.
Maggie the CatApril 8th, 2011 at 2:34 pm [Reply]
All the fuss about the Jumble and the spoilers has me wondering: did anyone even HAVE to do today’s puzzle to solve it? Seriously, what else could it have been? I’m not a genius of Einstein proportions by any means and I knew the answer at first glance so any spoilers today were instead foiled by my average wit solving a super easy riddle.
MaryAnnTheRestApril 8th, 2011 at 2:36 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#157): Ha, I want to work “I’m seeking validation as a person smart enough to unscramble short words” into everyday conversation.
Artist formerly known as BenApril 8th, 2011 at 2:36 pm [Reply]
@Calico (#106): Ooh, I loved when he had Helen Clark on Celebrity Rehab.
Push TrotApril 8th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]
JP: Sophie: “So, to get Derek talking to me, I have to act dumb?”
Since I can’t remember Judge Parker from yesterday, I’ll just pretend that the remark from Neddy that propted Sophie’s question was “Word of advice: Guys really like boobs.”
April 8th, 2011 at 2:50 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#37): @MaryAnnTheRest (#184):
I was trying to do that with an earlier statement. We should have a conversation:
You – ‘Hi, I’m seeking validation as a person smart enough to unscramble short words.’
Me – ‘Pleased to meet you. I’m wearing rubber gloves and holding a toilet brush.’
LiamApril 8th, 2011 at 2:51 pm [Reply]
Apartment 3G-Trey better be drunk if I have any idea where that toilet brush is going.
bats :[April 8th, 2011 at 2:56 pm [Reply]
@Mibbitmaker (#174): HAHAHAHAHAHA…it never gets old!
And speaking of people with minds like steel traps (Geoffrey Peterson notwithstanding)…
littlestevieApril 8th, 2011 at 3:02 pm [Reply]
@MWDG (#170): Also if Drew did persue the always lovely Miss Dawn Weston, he would have to deal with that creepy daughter lovin’ father, Wilbur. So Nurse Pixiecut, would you just get on with it and blow Drew already, so he can start his shift.
bbofunApril 8th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]
Remember a few weeks ago when the Phantom said “No violence tonight”?
Neither does he.
Maggie the CatApril 8th, 2011 at 3:08 pm [Reply]
@littlestevie (#190):
I don’t think Drew would even let her. She’s so desperate it’s a turn off of massive proportions. Guys will take advantage of an “easy” girl, but when they’re slavishly devoted/crazed-in-the-moment it’s just too creepy and the subsequent “brush off” is not handled well. I think she’s the rabbit-stewin’ type…
But also, I don’t think Drew is into vaginas anyhow.
Artist formerly known as BenApril 8th, 2011 at 3:09 pm [Reply]
@Not Just Any Dipstick (#148): Yes! That’s totally the Great Carsoni.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 8th, 2011 at 3:12 pm [Reply]
ahhh, Baretto, how you are missed.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 8th, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#155): darnit, now you’ve got me thinking of that PanPan oppai video mashup.
ghApril 8th, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#99):
Pluggers never find coins under the couch cushions because that would force them to stand up.
Jim NorthApril 8th, 2011 at 3:26 pm [Reply]
I’m pretty sure we’re all reading this whole Phantom situation wrong. Ol’ Stripey Butt probably has a sound effects machine hidden somewhere on him. He’s actually just swinging his fists through empty air while the machine makes it sound like he made contact. Gotta make it seem real for the bulli- er, guards just outside the door, after all!
Rocky StoneaxeApril 8th, 2011 at 3:30 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#50):
4-8 More Weird Sound Effects:
Scary Gary — CRUNCH
Lio — THUNK (implied)
Diamond Lil — LAP x 22
Red & Rover — SQUEAKY x 8
Pajama Diaries — SCRUB SCRUB
Rabbits Against Magic — SLAM! + [musical notes]
April 8th, 2011 at 3:31 pm [Reply]
@Not Just Any Dipstick (#150): You middle-aged people, GET OFF MY LAWN!
@Stij (#179): Yes, I did. I figured at least Ed Dravecky would get it, so this is like batting 2.000 for me!
@Jim North (#197): Bull Bushka and Phantom, eh?
Scott BotApril 8th, 2011 at 3:36 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#99): Pluggers figure they should buy parts at the junkyard because that’s where the car came from in the first place.
Jim NorthApril 8th, 2011 at 3:37 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#199): Think about it. Have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time? Has anyone?
littlestevieApril 8th, 2011 at 3:43 pm [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (#192): Well Nurse Pixiecut does have kinda boyish features.
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 3:43 pm [Reply]
@gh (#196): Also that would require them or someone willing to sit on their couch to have had coins in the first place.
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 3:43 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#198): And…
Andy Capp – PANT PANT
Alley Oop – MUNCH!
April 8th, 2011 at 3:46 pm [Reply]
@littlestevie (#202): One could use all of Al Bundy’s jokes about Marcy on Nurse Pixiecut.
ghApril 8th, 2011 at 3:50 pm [Reply]
It’s like Schrödinger’s coins. We’ll never know if they are there.
pugfugglyApril 8th, 2011 at 3:50 pm [Reply]
@Old School Allie Cat (#111): Momma mixes her own out of others, calling it ‘burnt-out-bitter-desperation”
SpundeApril 8th, 2011 at 4:03 pm [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (#183):
I thought for a minute it might be some sort of pun on whole numbers, but then realized that was too rational.
littlestevieApril 8th, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#205): Nurse Pixiecut reminds me more of Kelly.
littlestevieApril 8th, 2011 at 4:07 pm [Reply]
RMMD: Rex, by the way, did you solve the Jumbles yet? Ms. Dockweasel has the answers for you.
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 4:13 pm [Reply]
@gh (#206): There could be coins still in it from the previous owners, the ones who left it on the curb where the Plugger found it.
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 4:14 pm [Reply]
@littlestevie (#210): That reminds me. Has anyone clicked on Ms. Docweasels’s name (@67)? I’m at work and the company server blocked the site saying it was “Adult/Sexually Explicit.”
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 4:18 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#212): I got “The page you are looking for is either not existing or cannot be displayed!”
Rocky StoneaxeApril 8th, 2011 at 4:20 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#198):
4-8 Still More Weird Sound Effects:
Andy Capp — PANT PANT
Mandrake — BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
Alley Oop — MUNCH! MUNCH! MUNCH!
Bonus: Aquaman by Mad’s Don Martin:
http://namtab.com/aquablog/donmartin.gif
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 4:23 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#212): But if I go to the root of the link and not the /blog subpage, it redirects to what I inexpertly class as furry hentai.
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 4:26 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#214): Ah! Don Martin! Master of the weird sound effect.
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#215): Oh ho! So you’re able to track the spoiler! Or smack the troiler. Either way.
DoodApril 8th, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]
Do people like Wilson and Nolan, Bolle and Shulock, and Moy and Giella sub out detail projects like desktop photos or wall paintings to Billy Keane? I mean look at Rex Morgan’s desk. Were the creators stumped, thinking, crap, we need a family portrait there! Get Billy on the phone!
Scott BotApril 8th, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#215): That may explain the ‘weasel’ part of the name.
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 4:29 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#216): Or at least her overendowed, monkey wrench-wielding avatar.
Rocky StoneaxeApril 8th, 2011 at 4:33 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#204), @Rocky Stoneaxe (#214):
Ah, I see Sequitur scooped me on Andy Capp while I was reading the rest of today’s comics. However, he left out a couple of Alley Oop’s “Munches” and skipped Mandrake’s “Blams” entirely. Also, I hope everyone enjoyed the Don Martin cartoon I threw in as a bonus!
DoodApril 8th, 2011 at 4:36 pm [Reply]
Queen Margo is going to dub Trey with her glave of commodious cleanliness while administering one heck of a swirlie.
ghApril 8th, 2011 at 4:36 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#211):
Yes, the sofa by the side of the road: “Plugger curb appeal.”
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]
I’m certain someone has already written this as a science fiction story, but what if a certain amount of the lamest trolls and most pointless spammers were actually nascent AIs, born of the Interwebs and reaching out tentatively to make their first contact with the world? Instead of “ma ma da da goo” they babble “Gucci p0rn Canadian pharmacy.” Improbable, perhaps, but it’s not like they’re going to start by blogging on Live Journal.
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 4:41 pm [Reply]
Red & Rover: I think I’ll try that squeaky-toy trick next time a connubial spat heats up.
Chip WhittleApril 8th, 2011 at 4:41 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#213):
I got a rock.
April 8th, 2011 at 4:41 pm [Reply]
@gh (#222): Pluggers freecycle by going through each other’s trash. Dog pluggers are especially good at this.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 8th, 2011 at 4:43 pm [Reply]
I got to squee IRL today. 10-week old German Shepard pup, all floof and ears and paws and enthusiasm. waz mighty, mighty kewt.
Scott BotApril 8th, 2011 at 4:43 pm [Reply]
@gh (#222): It goes well with the lamp that they fished out of the dumpster last week.
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 4:48 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#225): Igneous, sedimentary or metamorphic?
Chip WhittleApril 8th, 2011 at 4:53 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#229):
Arena!
April 8th, 2011 at 5:00 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#225):
I got a roll.
I got that ol’ boogie-woogie
Right on down in my soul.
April 8th, 2011 at 5:03 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#225): Everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around.
Effluvius ErratusApril 8th, 2011 at 5:13 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#223): Shit, if that’s the case, the spontaneous emergence a Jumble-solving artificial intelligence that has also figured out which Internet forum is most appropriate for its communications is quite a breakthrough. Kind of scary, but still a breakthrough!
(Oh, and I think it was a William Gibson-penned X-Files (“Kill Switch”?) that posited the Internet as a primordial ooze of scripts and viruses from which artificial intelligence might “naturally” evolve.)
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 8th, 2011 at 5:18 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#233): that explains some image boards, then.
Chip WhittleApril 8th, 2011 at 5:19 pm [Reply]
Apartment 3-G: “I’ve been doing some homework. It’s all here in this satchel.” Silly, drunk Trey, thinking he’s here for the “in trouble with the teacher” scene when Margo made it clear it’s “naughty maid” night.
Family Circus: “Are we there yet?” “Depends on where we’re going.” I’m glad Billy hasn’t given up trying, but if the koans are this complicated Jeffy’s not going to be able to understand them well enough for his head to explode.
Gil Thorp: “Coach Alcala isn’t making me exhausted. She’s making me better.” Um…you know that’s not high school sports you’re in, dear, that’s a cult. Or, well, Texas high school sports. Either way, get help.
Love Is… clearly not vamping because Kim Casali hasn’t got any idea for anything today. Tomorrow: Love is…stuff, with thingies on top!
Mark Trail: Wait, wait, we get a halfhearted closure of the gibberish diamond-smuggler plot before we get a halfhearted closure of the gibberish drug-smuggler plot? Has society degenerated to the point that Mark Trail no longer respects the order of operations? Mark Trail is already enough of an unmatched parenthesis himself.
Shoe: Um…Pathetic Drunk Bird With An Aviator’s Cap There is talking to a hallucination, a ghost, or a hologram, right?
Spider-Man: “I forgot! You get airsick, honey! That’s totally a personality trait that’s ever been mentioned before and I’m just the jerk for forgetting why I don’t web-sling you everywhere! Besides it revealing you’re someone important to…me…wait…man, if I web-sling you home I’m a jerk, if I don’t I’m a jerk, what *is* this?”
Todd the Dinosaur today makes me want to lift its word balloons out and put them down on Zippy the Pinhead.
Rocky StoneaxeApril 8th, 2011 at 5:20 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#231):
Your jellyroll might be fine, but it ain’t as good as mine…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhtG5YrQ-lY
AustriaApril 8th, 2011 at 5:25 pm [Reply]
reFOOB: A cup of hot lemon? What, do you microwave a lemon and then put it in a cup? Is that what Canadian health care was like back in the 70s?
FW: Hey Arnold did this better.
MW: “SCREW THE RULES, YOU HAVE MONEY.”
RMMD: Nice, but my favorite panel will always and forever be “An outbreak of MRSA? Where?!” Mayor Dalton’s Prostate having a Pacebook page comes in a close second.
Zits: Holy guacamole, Jeremy’s mom turned into a pantry!!
Makya McBeeApril 8th, 2011 at 5:31 pm [Reply]
The other good thing about Mell Lazarus’ “Momma” (and that may be the first time in the history of the world those words were ever written) is that his drawings give hope to even drunken chimps that they too may one day be comic strip artists.
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 5:34 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#236):
Bootsy might trump both our, er, aces.
Jeeellllly roll! Je-e-ee-eeelllly ROLL!
Damn, now I’m hungry for a stack of pancakes.
boojumApril 8th, 2011 at 5:36 pm [Reply]
JP: Wait, wait. First we find out that Sam was a jazz trombonist in another life, this one potentially interesting. Now Abbey is revealed as a fan/disciple of Fats Waller!
Find out what they like, and how they like it,
And let ‘em have it just that way!
Mmmmm – Abbey in translucent white satin, cut down to there and hugging all the right places, in the wee, wee hours of a smoky Harlem nightclub…….
boojumApril 8th, 2011 at 5:39 pm [Reply]
I blame bats:[’s mash-up for that one.
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 5:39 pm [Reply]
@Austria (#237): Hot lemon: it’s a thing in Canada. There’s a pouch, like the kind Kool-Aid comes in, and you tear the edge off, pour it into a mug and fill it up with hot water from the kettle. And so it’s hot, and lemony, and it has some kind of drugs in it, probably the sort you shouldn’t use before operating heavy machinery. I’ve never had it. After I finished off a bottle of kiddie aspirin around age four, my parents instituted a drug-free home, but the people on the TV commercials always seemed to feel better after drinking it.
boojumApril 8th, 2011 at 5:42 pm [Reply]
Hey! Whatever happened to our daily collations of random lines from the funnies? I want one!
Écureuil ÉcumantApril 8th, 2011 at 5:43 pm [Reply]
@boojum (#240):
Aaaaahh, but just Sam’s luck he was a bad mess –
‘Cause that tall cool woman had the ba-a-a-alls.
April 8th, 2011 at 5:46 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#242): The people in TV commercials enjoy doing laundry, walking on the beach and talking about how they sometimes don’t feel “fresh.”
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 5:49 pm [Reply]
@boojum (#245): And they have the best parties, with only the hottest girls and a never-ending supply of the coldest beer. All we have to do is buy the products and we can have lives like theirs!
This GuyApril 8th, 2011 at 5:51 pm [Reply]
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#175): Sometimes, yes. You might say Rule 36 is the reason for Rule 34–it states that “If you can imagine it, it’s someone’s fetish.”
boojumApril 8th, 2011 at 5:55 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#244): As a horsewoman, Abbey Spencer knows the difference between a stallion and a gelding, and which one makes a dependable packhorse. Sure, there are times, late at night, when she regrets some of her choices. But she can always slip down to the stables and, uh, be impeccably groomed.
boojumApril 8th, 2011 at 5:56 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#246): And their hair always looks awesome!
[Old Man] MuffarooApril 8th, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]
@Jim North (#201): I’ve never even seen them separately! Back when it was vaguely possible Ed and I might have been in the same place, I didn’t know him from Adam’s off ox.
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#223): I don’t suppose we were the first to think of it, but we have speculated about the spambots gradually gaining sentience and perhaps becoming expert snarking Mudgeons one day. And when I say “we,” I mean me and whoever else it was. (Seriously, it’s a miracle I remember me, let alone other people.)
@boojum (#245): When a plugger doesn’t feel fresh, she goes out and rolls in something dead for a while.
KinghasnoclothesApril 8th, 2011 at 6:00 pm [Reply]
FW: I’ve been catching up and I’m confused. The coach that died was the girls basketball coach? Are we sure, or do all of the drawings of the coaches look alike? And the obit got into the paper before the Les’ daughter found out through her social networks? And Les wanted to hide this from his daughter?
Also I noticed in the 4-7 Mark Trail strip in yesterday’s blog “Margo in Repose,” contained what looked like the word “terminal” with an arrow pointing at a character. That visual device would be very helpful in Funky Winkerbean.
boojumApril 8th, 2011 at 6:02 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#250) :
When a plugger doesn’t feel fresh, she goes out and rolls in something dead for a while.
Dead? Let’s just say ‘organic.’
Jim NorthApril 8th, 2011 at 6:02 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#242): Oh, like TheraFlu (apparently called NeoCitran up Canada way)? We’ve got that down here, too. Never heard it called “hot lemon” before myself.
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 6:10 pm [Reply]
@Jim North (#253): Yeah, or in the drug-free home you just pour the hot water into a mug with lemon juice and honey. And, optionally, rum.
Jim NorthApril 8th, 2011 at 6:12 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#254): And, optionally, rum.
At least it’s not drugs!
Merry PooksterApril 8th, 2011 at 6:14 pm [Reply]
RMMD:
Rex: “ah June, we still have that ticket in our safe don’t we?”
June: “you thinking what I’m thinking?”
Rex: “Belize”
April 8th, 2011 at 6:15 pm [Reply]
@Kinghasnoclothes (#251): “… the word “terminal” with an arrow pointing at a character. That visual device would be very helpful redundant in Funky Winkerbean.”
Fixed that for you.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 8th, 2011 at 6:16 pm [Reply]
@Makya McBee (#238): well, there’s that new “Cathy as done in MS Paint” strip, so it seems they have succeeded.
Sgt. StonedApril 8th, 2011 at 6:20 pm [Reply]
MT: So, Mark was shot, but instead of taking him immediately to a hospital they stand around talking. Furthermore, Mark’s shirt and no bullet holes in it or blood on it. The chick on Drug Island must be a first rate surgeon as well as a first rate tailor.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 8th, 2011 at 6:22 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#250): that Plugger comment will be on a float.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 8th, 2011 at 6:25 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#258): ah, “Replay All” is the name.
9th result when googling “new comic strip with horrid art by a woman from washington dc”
I will do my best to try and forget that I know that.
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 6:29 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#261): I found it more easily under the name Reply All.
demoncatApril 8th, 2011 at 6:34 pm [Reply]
rexs expression is saying see what we got into for knew agreeing to help Berna and benard with the lottery would wind up being nothing but trouble and pain. dr. cory is telling the nurse you better get to work and change your smile less mary comes by and starts seeing the chance to meddle and hook us up.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 8th, 2011 at 6:37 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#262): that’s what I meant to spell, yes.
*embarrassed*
Joe BlevinsApril 8th, 2011 at 6:39 pm [Reply]
Today, ZOMBY encounters some avian hypocrisy.
SideshowJonApril 8th, 2011 at 6:44 pm [Reply]
If Les knew that the Bully wasn’t really going to beat him up, what’s with the yellow liquid seeping in from under the door?
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 6:48 pm [Reply]
@SideshowJon (#266): I think that’s been pretty conclusively analyzed by @Jim North (#139).
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 6:54 pm [Reply]
@SideshowJon (#266): Batiuk gall.
SideshowJonApril 8th, 2011 at 6:54 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#63):
According to the Wikipedia, IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 6:57 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#267): I gots to know. Do we pronounce your new name like the duck says AAAAAAAFLAC?
txcowgirlApril 8th, 2011 at 7:00 pm [Reply]
I’m sorry for being such a noob. But, what comic is the Plugger one?
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 7:02 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#270): To pronounce my current name,
1. Look at ‘The Pouch’ as pictured in Dick Tracy.
2. When you have recovered enough to form sounds other than the horrified scream that step one wrenched from your throat, tack on “viatrix” with the usual pronunciation.
April 8th, 2011 at 7:04 pm [Reply]
@txcowgirl (#271): It’s just called Pluggers. Pluggers couldn’t remember anything more complicated.
txcowgirlApril 8th, 2011 at 7:07 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#273):
Thanks! You’d think the Houston Comical (newspaper for 4 million people) would have it.
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 7:11 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#272): Okay, then. One vomet inducing gag reflex followed by “viatrix.”
I wonder if “The Pouch” has other pouches on him. They’re probably concealed. The guy could be a regular human cargo pants.
Jim NorthApril 8th, 2011 at 7:13 pm [Reply]
@txcowgirl (#274): You mean the Chronicle?
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 7:13 pm [Reply]
@txcowgirl (#274): It does on their website.
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 7:14 pm [Reply]
@Jim North (#276): One second faster than me. I must be getting old.
Jim NorthApril 8th, 2011 at 7:19 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#278): Don’t worry, you’ll get your chance to shoot first in Comics Curmudgeon: The Special Edition.
Pseudo3DApril 8th, 2011 at 7:21 pm [Reply]
@Dr. Weird (#156): But in Time-Skip 1 wasn’t Bull a jerk because his father was abusive? Wasn’t that one retcon enough? How will Batiuk retcon a retcon?
Also, Blondie is becoming self-aware.
Pseudo3DApril 8th, 2011 at 7:31 pm [Reply]
@This Guy (#247): The only thing funny about Rule 34 is its relation to Route 34, the first place where you could breed two Pokémon together (and thus, leading to “Hot Skitty on Wailord Action”)
Otherwise, it’s quite horrifying, but fairly easy to avoid.
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 7:33 pm [Reply]
@Jim North (#279): Actually it’ll be the Senior Tour. Dagnabit.
Pseudo3DApril 8th, 2011 at 7:46 pm [Reply]
Inspired by a 9CL suggestion a few posts ago, I decided to run today’s 9CL dialogue from English to German to Lithuanian to Japanese to Spanish and back to English again.
(Edda)
“Well … I do not know the region. I have now are sexy! So … 8.”
(Seth)
“Good. I’ve seen.”
(Edda)
“Me! What stops. Starting to burn my eyes if I do not know sexy.”
April 8th, 2011 at 7:49 pm [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#281): but why would you WANT to avoid it? (not safe for childhood memories, but probably safe for work.)
oh, that is why. . . . . (SFW, not safe for brain.)
AaaaaaaaaviatrixApril 8th, 2011 at 7:55 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#275): My plan is to slowly restore my name each day as Dick Tracy refrains from horrifying me. If they reveal any more pouches, I may have to reverse that progress.
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 7:56 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#285): Yeah. I’d hate to see what he would pull out of his testicles.
ElkMeadowApril 8th, 2011 at 7:57 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#227):
Congrats!
Dr. WeirdApril 8th, 2011 at 8:06 pm [Reply]
@Kinghasnoclothes (#251):
All coaches look alike. The coach who died was the coach during Les’s high school years. The bully who tormented him is the current coach and Summer’s PT. As the old coach meant nothing to Summer, there was no particular reason for her to be in the Sunday strip, it was all about Les and his feelings.
@Pseudo3D (#280):
How does one retcon a retcon? It’s never pretty… I’ll direct you to this short comic strip retelling of Hawkman’s history to show you though:
http://www.comicsalliance.com/2010/07/15/hawkman-history-lbfa-comics/
Uncle LumpyApril 8th, 2011 at 8:18 pm [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#285):
Hey, I like “Aaaaaaaaaviatrix” as a kind of VU meter of horror! But I also like “viatrix” for the Classical Roadie Chick vibe.
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 8:22 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#289): Trixie?
Jim NorthApril 8th, 2011 at 8:27 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#289): I like Viatrix® for the way it helps me control my allergies and get on with my day.
And the side effects are a hoot! Like . . . literally. I start making owl noises every once in a while for no reason.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 8th, 2011 at 8:28 pm [Reply]
@Jim North (#291): are you . . .are you . . . are you. . . .
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 8:39 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#292): Yes. He writes scrips for Family Guy.
SequiturApril 8th, 2011 at 8:51 pm [Reply]
@Sequitur (#293): And today is “t-less” Friday.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 8th, 2011 at 9:35 pm [Reply]
iz also Metapost Friday, so new thread —->
Just MeApril 8th, 2011 at 9:58 pm [Reply]
The best part about the jumble cartoon is that the teacher gets his coffee at Roast & Toast. Roast & Toast; one stop shopping for your caffeine and carbohydrate needs.
Jocelyn KnockersburyApril 8th, 2011 at 10:04 pm [Reply]
My dad was a math teacher, and I’m pretty sure his answer would have been BOOZE AND ALSO BOOZE.
dasein668April 8th, 2011 at 10:22 pm [Reply]
I think “Toilet Brushin’ Margo” may be the new “Finger Quotin’ Margo”.
ShiniApril 8th, 2011 at 11:24 pm [Reply]
I see you guys discovered Reply All.
9CL makes me mad where you can see hints of quality, but is buried under the shit of pretentious claptrap and an artist’s ego and inability to keep his fetishes in check.
Reply All is just trash – an average MSPaint Webcomic from a 4th grader has better quality then this! It makes me absolutely furious that better artists and writers like Dana Simpson (of Ozy and Millie fame) and Scott Kurtz (your opinion on his attitude nonwithstanding) have TRIED for YEARS to get into the funny papers, and shit like this gets in.
daleApril 9th, 2011 at 12:57 am [Reply]
@Aaaaaaaaaviatrix (#272):
I have been mentally singing it, like Handel’s chorus.
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SixApril 10th, 2011 at 8:44 pm [Reply]
That’s not a toilet brush. That’s a wildly optimistic cock ring/bondage device. :p
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