Herb and Jamaal, 3/31/11
You can’t really call this the gayest Herb and Jamaal ever — not in a world where this strip exists — but still, a couple of guys takin’ off their shirts and inspectin’ each other’s bods — that seems just a little bit homoerotic, right? It’s all good fun until we get to panel three. Jamaal’s nose stands out straight and stiff as he admires what he thinks is his friend’s good fashion sense, then almost immediately retract into flaccid tinyness when he finds out that Herb has body hair, like a normal male human. I don’t know what’s more unsettling: that Jamaal has a nose-cock, or that Jamaal finds sweater vests so deeply arousing.
Apartment 3-G, 3/31/11
You know, we’ve all had so much fun making fun of the extended failure to explain who or what Dan Diller is that I just realized something: nobody actually cares, and drawing it out isn’t making anybody care anymore. So knock it off, Apartment 3-G; it’s not amusing. Do those people sitting behind Iris and Dan look like they’re enjoying themselves, even when you take the fact that they’ve paid good money to see a play starring Tommie into account?
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/31/11
Ha ha, that Elviney’s the real death panel, amiright? No, seriously, I think she’s taking him somewhere secluded to beat him to death with that enormous skillet.
This entry was posted on Thursday, March 31, 2011 at 09:01 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Barney Google & Snuffy Smith, Herb and Jamaal. | 267 responses to “” Rocky StoneaxeMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]
Dick Tracy — Mr. Bribery prepares to drown his cigar-smoking cat (from 1966):
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe8briw1bXd_PrjyMZOmwrIV18v3p7QkhHnGzMzMosy73XLOuQ_AFlQvo0m-eyg4u0dt7erTD2O2MMzlaRysTHyEjW4hyphenhyphenA8Y18_8xH3Q-HZDHGXZe8HDW-tS7OpkhbeY_4nsXespM6lR_I/s400/dick+tracy335a.jpg
Scott BotMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]
Pluggers – Yeah, show a little class here. Rolling up your sleeves really takes away from the effect of the polyester shirt and the clip-on tie.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]
3-31 Weird Sound Effects:
Garfield: RIIING
Wizard of Id — THWACK
Hagar the Horrible — SLURP!
Edison Lee — TAP TAP TAP TAP
Gasoline Alley — SLAP! BZZZZT! BZZZT!
March 31st, 2011 at 9:06 am [Reply]
SS: We’ll find Lukey’s decomposing body right next to the corpse of the General that Beetle stumbled across the other day.
nescioMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:07 am [Reply]
Ziggy: He tried and failed, doc.
Pluggers: So the plugger guy/dog changed into his shirt and tie at the restaurant? I’d make that today’s pluggerism.
LUJBEM FEJFMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:10 am [Reply]
BG/SS- I don’t think I would be eating anything pan fried after a Elviney prostate exam.
skeltometerMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:12 am [Reply]
C’mon Aldo-style double fatality car wreck for the good doctors! Oh wait, that would only occur if they were in the Funkyverse, and it would involve a painful and drawn out death, not sweet, instantaneous departures from this mortal coil.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]
A Dick Tracy character I hope they never bring back is J. Scotland Bumstead a/k/a “Scottie of Scotland Yard”. (Was this a tip of the Gould fedora to Blondie’s Dagwood Bumstead?)
http://d1466nnw0ex81e.cloudfront.net/iss/600w/508/615081/3389491_1.jpg
Effluvius ErratusMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:17 am [Reply]
Phantom: It Kit on acid? Taken together, none of his thoughts make any kind of coherent sense.
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]
3G – “Now don’t be coy and make me guess why you’re famous.”
“Shh… I’m gonna kill you, Tracy. Boy, I hate rats!”
Close – Hey, it’s like that funny movie! Except for the adjective.
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
Gasoline – Slim’s using picto-cursing, where each symbol represents a word or concept. The jokester is completely unfazed at being called a “Star-Slinky™ Twat.”
Phantom – “…but I will get this shot off!”
Is he talking about his head? [*]
March 31st, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
Zits – Be fair, Jeremy. The idea would have worked if you hadn’t untied the keys from your head.
@gleeb (#y271): How’s he going to shoot Chatu non-violently? Can anyone decode the Phantom code here?
“Dead villains: clean hands.”
March 31st, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]
A3G: This storyline is creeping me out because Dan looks way too much like me, though I’ve dwindled the ZZ Top down to a Joshbeard for the sake of employability. So I’m hoping he’s not famous for the smell of his farts, since somebody’s sure in the process of clearing out the entire row behind ‘em just as the curtain rises. Maybe it’s Iris, since Dan shushes her in panel 2.
But What Do I Know?March 31st, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]
A3G — We already know why he’s famous! Someone googled “Dan Diller” the other day, and he’s a realtor in Lancaster, PA. Can we just move on?
GT — Hey, this is kind of nuanced and morally ambiguous–you know, in a realistic kind of way. I’m sure most of us have experienced the “rules” being bent for star players and the rhetorical gyrations associated with that practice. I’ll be interested in seeing how the Coach justifies it here. . .
The Ghost Who Makes No Sense — Is this dialogue being written by a computer? I mean, the individual sentence are grammatically correct, but they don’t make any sense put together.
MW — Looks like March was National Harass Your Grown Children for not Spending Time with You Month. I can’t wait for April!
BraniffMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]
Barney Google–The Hooten Holler folks are trying to do their version of The Beverly Hillbillies, I take it?
FC–Jeffy and Dolly (unseen): “Billy has a$$boogers. Billy has a$$boogers. Billy has a$$boogers. nananananannananananana!!!!!”
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]
@Braniff (#15): Assbooger’s Syndrome: no laughing matter!
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]
Heathcliff — Gallagher’s cat borrows a spare “Billy the Bookworm” costume from Gunther Berger!
Herb & Jamaal — Josh, most people have never thought of mucus and man-juice as being one and the same… which is why you da man!
NekrotzarMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]
Hey Dan Diller – do Whipping Post!
Chyron HRMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:37 am [Reply]
9 Chickwit Lane – What have we done to deserve this? (We would also have accepted: “How can Brooke expect to be taken seriously?”)
Dick Tracy – I don’t understand what panel 1 has to do with yesterday’s strip, nor do I see how panels 2 and 3 logically follow from it. I’m not entirely sure if the last two panels are set in the present day, or part of the flashback. Now this feels like a real Dick Tracy story!
LorneMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]
“Mobility” is one of the 5 core values of the Canada Health Act, which would explain Elviney’s warning to “keep moving”, though I’m not sure her plan is “Universal”, Accessible” or “Comprehensive”. But the beating she’s planning is sure to be “Publicly Administered”.
This gag is exclusively for my friend Doug and the people at his office, which is a fairly larger audience by newspaper comic standards.
boojumMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]
A3G Blues: Day 2 of the Blue People Watch. Clearly, the narration box should have read “Iris and Dan return to the seats early.” In the first panel, the poor Blues – having been called to the set before their pitifully short break is done – rush headlong to find their seats; look at the panic in their eyes. By the second panel, all but one (and what dreadful punishment awaits him?) are in perfect order. But you can read the resignation in their taut faces; too late. The Fronties, they know, will blame this mistake on them.
Once again, there will be no Process Blue gruel for dinner tonight. And the second act of Big City (words and music by Tommie Thompson, LPN) still looms ahead of them.
ShrugMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:54 am [Reply]
In today’s FAMILY CIRCUS, the little melonhead has heard of the expression “To “P” on someone from a great height,” but he is still working out the preliminary details.
Dennis JimenezMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]
BG&SS – Elvineycare – Death Panels – Gigantic Black Lollipops – Death Marches to Elder Internment Camps – if ever anyone needed a tea party, it’s Hottin’ Holler.
A3G – Shhs, Iris – don’t blow Jebus’ cover….
H&J – Well, at least thank you for not commenting on his dicky!
Adios Amigos! DJ.
MayzshonMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]
Since my last comment was on a dead thread:
9CL: “I was impressed by your ability to dress yourself. Most men I sleep with haven’t reached that level of basic competence.”
March 31st, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
Phantom — I think there is a typo in panel 3 that is confusing us. I think it was meant to say “no VIOLINS tonight.” That would make much more sense…
Dick Tracy — Seems the new artists are just showing off by resurrecting every single DT character and gizmo to display their drawing capacity. I for one, was not impressed, til Rocky (#1) posted the cigar smoking cat. New DT artists: I WANT MORE OF THAT CAT!!!
Snuffy Smith — Perhaps Elviney will invite the Smiths to videotape her bludgeoning Lukey to death. I understand there is a black market for snuffy films…
Nancy — Aunt Fritzi is looking a little like Moonbeam McSwine without the corncob pipe.
Doctor HandsomeMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]
Yes, Herb, I know you’ve been putting in some time at the gym lately. My first clue was the fact that we’re at the fucking gym.
Scott BotMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]
DT – So the Naughty Number Nine cat from Schoolhouse Rock has graduated to cartoon villany? My mom was right – hanging around pool halls will lead to a life of crime.
Popeye – He’s gonna lose his security deposit if he’s not careful.
TheDivaMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]
C’shaft: ….She does?
FW: I think you mean “final approval”…oh, never mind. Ha-ha, that Mallory, what a snob, MOVING ON THEN.
GT: Right, because serious athletes never miss a game ever, for any reason.
MW: Hey, nobody told me Dr. Jeff’s son was a life-size Ken doll!
Pluggers: Hey, nobody wants to get their cuffs into the mac and cheese bin at Country Buffet.
KatyMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]
Mary Worth: Ugh, Jeff is now acting like Wilbur, who was acting like Aldo. Is every aging man in Charterstone an Aldo understudy? Yes? Okay then.
Krazy KatMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:05 am [Reply]
Herb is telling Jamaal that he’s putting time in at the gym… while they’re both at the gym. In related wasted breaths, I told my boss today that I’ve been showing up for work every day.
The WazMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]
reFoob – Is it just me or does John/Rod’s face in panel one say less ‘rough day’ than ‘husband arrested – bodies of wife and kids found in freezer’?
JessyMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]
MW: Just like the pictures in yesterday’s strip, the bookcase in the first panel of today’s strip is oddly angled, and looks much smaller than it should. Also, the walls change color from black in panel 1 to green in panel 2. Now we know why Mary was not in on the “Internet meddle”: Unseen, she is bravely trying to hold together the unraveling fabric of the space-time continuum. This will be revealed in a later strip in which Wilbur is horrendously sucked through a black hole into a dimension which contains no sandwiches.
Zork The MightyMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]
Modern health-care makes its way to Hootin’ Holler! Does this mean that the residents’ grotesquely long waggling tongues will soon be fixed by Doctors Without Borders?
Esther BlodgettMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]
@wossname (#y272): re: RMMD. Awwww, beat me to it! :)
DoodMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:14 am [Reply]
What’s the problem, Lukey, did the Rex Morgan mobile clinic just roll into Hootin’ Holler?
Pseudo3DMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]
Spider-Man – It would be weird, creepy, and yet plausible if it turns out Spider-Man was fighting Mrs. Morbius out there.
Family Circus – It’s unsettling how the Keane’s house bulges out above the first story. Also, the stone facade on the first floor probably is original to the Keane home since the 1950s, when such things were fashionable.
AustriaMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]
FW: Oh joy, a Yes Woman: the only person more annoying than the person they accompany.
RMMD: Now when you start a law career, the moment you embark, there is that joke you’re bound to hear, a lawyer is a shark. Ignore that, it’s simplistic and it’s dumb. Only some of you will turn out sharks, just some! The rest…are crocodiles, apparently. Seriously, what?
SF: I had to stifle my laughter.
Scott BotMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:18 am [Reply]
GT – If I were him, I’d probably take pitching over being in a band. After all, the band can try real hard, but Jimmy will quit, Jody will get married; and they should know they’d never get far.
DoodMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#38): Was that in the summer of ‘69?
John C FremontMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:23 am [Reply]
Mark Trail thinks he can start a fire by pouring honey from a honeypot. Silly old photojournalist.
Little GuyMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]
SnuffSnuff: Ha ha! Because implied domestic violence is still funny!
JP: So, it boils down to a girl more popular than Sophie is dating a boy more popular than Sophie, and it’s pissing off Sophie.
Ces, I think one of Sally’s unnamed and unseen relatives has wandered off to another strip.
DoodMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]
@John C Fremont (#40): Does that make Kelly Welly Tigger?
Scott BotMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]
@Dood (#39): Yep, it was. And sometimes he’ll pick up that old six string, and think about her and what went wrong.
Esther BlodgettMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]
MW: “I’m headed there now, my son’s speech balloon! Why don’t we ride in together?”
GT: I don’t know why, but it just cracks me up that Gil Thorp’s coffee cup says “Gil” and his nameplate says “Thorp.” When he’s alone in his office I bet he picks them up and acts out the old “Electric Company” skit: “Gil…Thorp…Gil Thorp! Whee, that’s fun!”
S-M: Dumb superhero…or DUMBEST superhero?
Esther BlodgettMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#27): Re: Naughty Number Nine cat. Well, that song is going to be in my head all day! Aside: I always felt so bad for the mouse in that video, getting tied up and smacked with billiard balls. Now I’m going to feel bad all day. *sniff*
Red GreenbackMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]
Okay… but first, I’ve got to ask you where you got that nice sweater vest unitard.
Fixed.
March 31st, 2011 at 10:50 am [Reply]
@But What Do I Know? (#14): Yes, it’s been National Harass Your Grown Children For Not Spending Time With You Month. Or, as “Momma” calls it, March.
Old School Allie CatMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:52 am [Reply]
MW – Drew’s headed to the hospital, huh? Isn’t that where *Jill* works? And as the Worthian universe dictates, any two people of opposite gender and similar age who are close in geographic proximity are pulled inexplicably toward each other romantically – NO MATTER WHAT.
Do we think Jill might $*%#ing fall in love with Drew? You bet your *^@.
Maggie the CatMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]
This should keep everyone on the island busy for a while!–Mark Trail
He’s right. I’ve found that giant party bongs do keep everyone occupied for a decent piece of time, and his woodshed o’dope bonfire will have them partying into the wee hours. Toke up, smuggle island smugglers!
boojumMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]
H&J: My concern about this strip is on several levels:
1. Very few black men have enough body hair to read as “fur sweater vest.” Does the author of Herb and Jamaal not know this?
2. Jamaal’s initials are JJJ? Do we know what the other two J’s stand for? I would have looked it up myself but, you know – Herb and Jamaal.
3. Alternatively, is Jamaal using J. Jonah Jameson’s gym bag? I must have missed another Very Special Crossover Episode of Spiderman: The Strip.
4. Are they, in fact, at the gym? I know that’s what the sign says. But the room they’re undressing in is, you will notice, glass on two sides and lit with special mercury vapor lamps – from the outside. I’m thinking Lon’s Down-Low Gym is a specialty fetish club where, for a few bucks extra, the regulars can indulge in a little public exhibitionism (lockers are provided to enhance the vibe of an “innocent” locker-cam) before moving on to God knows what depraved couplings and ritual practices in the interior rooms. Next up for Herb: an exquisitely exhausting five-hour hot-wax-and-tweezers session from which he will emerge very, very smooth-shaven. And a little more dead inside.
Effluvius ErratusMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]
Phantom, Redux: Kit’s free-form, Joycian mental monologue aside, Like many commenters here (gleeb, [Old Man] Muffaroo, and others), I am perplexed by this “Phantom’s Code.” The only Phantom’s Code I know of is his oath: “I swear to devote my life to the destruction of piracy, greed, cruelty, and injustice, in all their forms, and my sons and their sons shall follow me.”
That’s a pretty open-ended oath allowing for a diversity of tactics up to and including lethal violence, and it’s not like the Ghost-Who-Appears-In-Newspapers hasn’t killed people before and for much less than what Chatu has done to Kit, his loved ones, and the people of Bangalla. Is this a case of Tony De Paul losing his grip on the character or of some namby-pamby newspaper comics code cramping the Phantom’s style?
Or does Kit just kind of freak out whenever he’s inside a prison? His panicked dithering is this episode is rather reminiscent of his comically inept reconnaissance of Gravelines. Was he pinched for in college for underage drinking and had a bad night in county lockup or something?
SwordsmithMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]
MW: I’m going out a limb to defend Jeremy here. Someone else setting my clock ahead without my knowledge could work, I’d do everything 15 minutes ahead of time, and not discover until afterward that I wasn’t as late as I’d thought. But if I did it, I’d know it, and I’d know I had 15 “extra” minutes to waste. Worse, I’d end up going back to sleep and without an alarm to wake me, I’d get up hours later.
WoI: What, that’s the first time I remember seeing this guy do his job, and you’re going to discourage him?
Soup: I still don’t get how this works. Are they playing with ONLY swear words allowed? Seems to me that game would drag on forever, Scrabble is slow enough with a 600,000 word vocabulary, let alone with a seven word one.
Baldo: Ha ha it’s funny because he doesn’t love his children unconditionally or equally.
Curtis: Ah that naive Curtis, he doesn’t realize Gramps meant the government.
MT: OMG, abandoned shack, and strike anywhere match cover. I’m reporting this to DT Crimestoppers!
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle PatrolMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:06 am [Reply]
’shaft — Is the surprise for the week that Mindy is a lipstick lesbian?
Esther BlodgettMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#53): Definitely not! No one will be surprised.
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]
H&J: Now that the homoerotic subtext has been dealt with, congratulations to Stephen Bentley on naming “Lon’s Gym.” Not an outstanding name, but a name nonetheless. Which makes it all the more baffling that Herb has to explain that he’s been spending time at the gym when he and Jamaal are standing in that gym.
A3G: The opening of Big City is big enough news to draw Ted Koppel, I see from the background.
SSmith: Elviney and Lukey’s bedtime play involves going down to the woods to play doctor, grownup-style. All well and good, but I think bringing a skillet to stand in for the bedpan is taking things a little far.
HtH: Totally screwed up the joke, people. It’s like Henny Youngman coming out on stage and sobbing, “Please, for the love of God, take my wife!”
BB: That’s because you haven’t downloaded the “Find Heroin Parlors” app, Plato.
GA: I always had faith that someone at some time would start beating up on Slim. What I didn’t foresee was that person being even more detestable than he is.
H-Cliff: Gunther made a costume for Heathcliff before getting down to that fetish ballgown for Luann.
MT: Yes Mark, tell Lonnie to bring her four year old daughter to the plane. All they have to do is dodge the uncontrollable wildfire that you just set. Lotsa luck, anti-Smokey.
Drabble: Unlike the rest of the characters, the dog is easy to like. It’s also about the size of a sneaker. Shouldn’t the Keanes have adopted this fella?
S4th: How long before someone actually sets up that Facebook page?
FW: Somehow Mallory is out of line because she doesn’t like people randomly running up to her and snapping pictures. If it were me the camera would have gone flying into the wall.
C-Shaft: Okay, pervs. The good news is that Mindy and her friend are about to shed their slacks and sweaters and Really Get to Know Each Other. The bad news is that their explorations will end when one of them finds a breast lump.
MibbitmakerMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]
Only read this thread’s 3/31s. Oversnarpologies if needed…
Garfield: He ought to be mortified to have said that to Liz, let alone Mrs. Feeny!
GA: Kill him! …No, oddly enough, not Slim in this case.
MW: “But I can’t, Pops, I gotta go spend all day on the internet!”
inapewetrustMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]
“you say you’ve been putting in some time at the gym, herb? i don’t think your story checks out. because if that were true, then what are you doing at this gym, where we are as you tell me this, right now?”
BraniffMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:15 am [Reply]
To (Old Man) regarding post #16: If I offended you or anyone else in this community, I regret it and am truly sorry. To the moderator, if you think my post was offensive, please remove it. Thanks.
Not Just Any DipstickMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:15 am [Reply]
MW: At least one of the men behind them just puked. No surprise the seats remain empty. The other guy’s sly smile is very appropriate for sensing a really ripe and disgusting fart. I think it was really a double barelled assault that Dan and Iris planned earlier. They will now down some beano and enjoy the show.
SoccerheadMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]
ReFoob: At first I thought Michael was offering to mix his daddy a double martini,or some such thing.
Willy n Ethel: Neat LUJBEM shoutout.
March 31st, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]
@Swordsmith (#52):
MW: I’m going out a limb to defend Jeremy here…blockquote>
I’m sure it was a typo, but I would love for the Duncans to move to Charterstone. If anybody is impervious to Mary’s meddling, Jeremy is that body. She’d be such a jibbering mess after trying to meddle him into merely being physically upright that Dr. Jeff would have to lock her in her condo and feed her shrimp scampi through a slot.
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#51): Is there a newspaper comics code that forbids deadly violence? Because even though Dick Tracy usually ends storylines while standing back while the villains collect their Darwin Awards, I’m pretty sure he fires off a shot here or there.
Rana the Pedantic Wet BlanketMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]
9CL I would find Seth a much more convincing spokesman for what being gay is or is not like if he weren’t explaining this to a woman he just had sex with!
This GuyMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:24 am [Reply]
Baldo: “…and Bart… well, we love Bart.”
Crank: You can judge a book pretty well when the cover says “by Les Moore.”
S-M: “Sure, it’s really unlikely, and you’re a pretty shifty character, but I don’t want to live in a world where you can’t trust mad scientists who turn themselves into vampires.”
Cooler KingMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]
FC: “I can’t tell, honey, you’re too far away. Lean a little further out from the window! A little more… little bit more, come on Jeffy you can do it!”
/splat
“There, perfect. Oh, and that’s a 9, not a P. Can you clean this up, Billy?”
MW: Panel One sort of looks like what would’ve happend if the ‘Wonder Years’ didn’t end its run when it did.
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#36): I actually like the Keane compound’s stone facade, and if I were in the market for a house I’d either look for something similar or plan to install it. It’s like bringing a little bit of Bedrock to your town.
MibbitmakerMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]
Phantom: So, after allllllllllllllllll that, ol’ Kit still gives Python every chance not to be out of humanity’s hair permanently. The “Phantom Code” is a friggin’ moron! That stripeyass idiot would let bin-Laden go! Ass!
Popeye: “Lek’s stop them scum by destroyin’ me housk. Hey, it woiked when I stopped dat fly from interrupking me nap back in me old movin’ pitchkers. Twiske!”
6C: TIAIF! (Twitter Isn’t Atomatically, Inherently Funny)
commodorejohnMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]
Agnes – Agnes’s grandma is an ascetic? I always thought they were Catholic…
A3G – “Make you guess why I’m famous? Alpha and Omega? Lord and Creator? Any of this ringing a bell?”
Crankshaft – “Or my dad, Jeff. He may seem like a haggard self-pitying loser, but he’s actually a self-absorbed walking cliche of Boomer narcissism! Or my…you know what, let’s just go back to college. Come on, I’ll get the car warming up.”
Curtis – Uh, wow. Seriously, this is pretty fucked up.
DT – Wait, what? Is Dick Tracy turning up its nose at mass-scale police brutality? I mean, I know it’s just doing it because Dick Tracy is all about the personal violence, but even so, this is pretty stunning.
Dilbert – A-yup.
FW – Well at least someone in this world still takes their privacy seriously. (P.S. Holy shit, is that Jinx with the camera? I thought she’d dropped out of the strip altogether! Guess she wasn’t so lucky.)
GT – Uh, we are talking about baseball, right? Where’s Kaz’s other hand…?
JP – You know, I think this is the first time we’ve actually seen them doing horse-maintenance. Has the recession so impacted their fortunes that they don’t have a stable-hand anymore, or do they just like dabbling with physical labor so that they feel they’re broadening out their experience?
Jumble – “If any of you could put in a word for me I’d love to be a freemason. Freemasonry opens doors.”
Luann – So in addition to pointing out that it has a total cast of about twelve, Luann would also like to remind you to notice how nobody ever looks any different, ever.
MT – Mark Trail: JUSTICE ARSONIST.
MW – “I’m headed there now! Why don’t we just ride in together? SERIOUSLY GET ME OUT OF HERE AND AWAY FROM MARY THIS IS MY ONLY RESPITE.”
Momma – Mary-Lou, that oven is definitely large enough for her.
NAOQV – WIN.
PBS – Of course not, Goat! Facebook would never want to privately humiliate someone! Not when they can just “accidentally” make every single thing about your entire profile open for public view! Oops, tee-hee!
Phantom – The Python seems to have flipped his gun around in panel three. Long end goes towards the other guy, Chatu.
RMMD – I hope that his lawyer actually is a real crocodile.
mvgMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:33 am [Reply]
Luann: Duct tape?
GT: He’s a PITCHER, fer chrissakes, Gil. He doesn’t have to throw in EVERY ferschluggina game. You trying to ruin the kid’s arm? Don’t you have more than 1 zoggin’ pitcher?!
S-M: Perhaps Morbius has discovered the secret to astral projection. If so, Spidey’s gonna be all over him to learn how to do it — then he can fight crime AND mope around on the couch watching “The View.” Except it’ll have to be called asshole projection.
Effluvius ErratusMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#62): I don’t know. I think there must be, because even tho’ Dick Tracy might pop-off a round or two and wound a suspect, or the bullet might ricochet such that it sets off a Rube Goldberg chain reaction resulting the perp’s death, I can’t say I’ve seen him directly make a kill, righteous or otherwise, since I started reading the strip as a kid.
Scott BotMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#68): FW –(P.S. Holy shit, is that Jinx with the camera? I thought she’d dropped out of the strip altogether! Guess she wasn’t so lucky.)
Her cancer is in remission, so she’s come back to school for a while.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#68): “RMMD – I hope that his lawyer actually is a real crocodile.”
“hullo zeeba naybor!”
MibbitmakerMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]
ZtP: A professional idiot!
S-M: Then dreaming about it was just a WILD, UNRELATED, IMPROBABLE COINCIDENCE?!?!! Spider-Idiot![/Dwight Schrute]
A3G: Mind games even John Lennon c. 1973 would hate! What are you, hairy? Gelman? * Will hairy insist the 2nd act be prefaced by telling the audience about a “Big Announcement”?
BretMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]
I couldn’t make a liar out of Hilary Forth:
https://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_162666927125535
LiamMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]
A3G-The ending to this is rather obvious. The hobo looking guy is either the writer or the director of the play. I am leaning heavily towards writer because the director is probably backstage.
MT-I am praying that this storyline leads to Mark’s first time getting stoned.
twgMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:46 am [Reply]
@mvg (#69):
I think the duct tape is to fake cleavage, but you don’t want to stick that stuff directly to your skin.
March 31st, 2011 at 11:49 am [Reply]
@twg (#76): Your normal skin is fine, as long as A. it’s a region free of hair, and B. you don’t leave it on for too long, but I wouldn’t recommend it for personal regions…
Effluvius ErratusMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]
@Liam (#75):
MT-I am praying that this storyline leads to Mark’s first time getting stoned.
Mark? Stoned? Mark is stone — immaculate.
When the punching’s over
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights
Cancel my subscription to Field & Steam,
Send my credentials to my magazine
I got some friends inside…
Before I sink
Into the big sleep
I want to hear
I want to hear
The scream of the pancakes…
Well the punching is your special friend …
Set drugs on fire as it intends
Punching is your only friend
Until the end
Until the end
Until the end
March 31st, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]
DT: Yeah, right. “Hey, we’ll make this strip great again and reverse all the insane crap Locher subjected it to by going back to the excellence of Chester Gould” — in the 1960s?!??! Not the 1940s?! Hey, Joe and Mike — that’s like returning Funky Winkerbean to its glory days after the first time jump!
(and damn, did that Gould have a bizarre nostril fetish or what?)
MT: Smokey the Bear: “Mark Trail! How could you?!”
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:01 pm [Reply]
obvious target market is obvious.
a stick, I haz one.
low flying hovercorgi.
word-doctorMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:05 pm [Reply]
Archie-Hedonism funny when it’s about math problems, but it’s a very short slide to concupiscence, with chronic sins of commission when Veronica’s within 50 yards.
FC-Is this referring to minding one’s Ps and Qs, or is it supposed to be funny because “it” is so far away that Thel can’t tell which child belongs to the enormous head? It looks a bit like Billy got a perm…
SF-What bugs me even more than Ted’s freaky managerial style is the artist’s inability to draw a decent cap. These look like a mashup of a papal tiara and Mallard Fillmore’s beak. The only cap I ever saw like this was worn by my Uncle Larry; it had roughly a 12 inch brim and said “Mine’s bigger than yours” on the crown.
Red GreenbackMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:05 pm [Reply]
When Dan Diller sez “In some circles, Iris”, I think one of the “circles” he is referring to is The Comics Curmudgeon Community. Dude not only got a published Pluggers entry, but an accepted They’ll Do It Every Time entry as well.
ShrugMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:07 pm [Reply]
@But What Do I Know? (#14):
“A3G — We already know why he’s famous! Someone googled “Dan Diller” the other day, and he’s a realtor in Lancaster, PA. Can we just move on?”
Not before noting that he is also the author of this famed bestseller:
Title: Analysis of the single class of stock requirement of S corporations under I.R.C. section 1361(b)(1)(D) and regulation section 1.1361-1(1) /
Author(s): Diller, Daniel.
Year: 1993
Description: 93 leaves ; 29 cm.
Dissertation: Thesis (M.S.)–Bernard M. Baruch College, 1993.
Language: English
SUBJECT(S)
Descriptor: Subchapter S corporations — Taxation — United States.
Stockholders — Taxation — United States.
Note(s): Includes bibliographical references (leaves 89-93).
Responsibility: by Daniel Diller.
March 31st, 2011 at 12:19 pm [Reply]
@Swordsmith (#52):
“Soup: I still don’t get how this works. Are they playing with ONLY swear words allowed? Seems to me that game would drag on forever, Scrabble is slow enough with a 600,000 word vocabulary, let alone with a seven word one.”
The real problem is that the swear words they are using are things like
“%$#@&$#@%!!” and very few Scrabble sets contain tiles for the %, $, # etc. characters, so they have to carve their own as they go.
March 31st, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]
@Shrug (#83):
Title: Analysis of the single class of stock requirement of S corporations under I.R.C. section 1361(b)(1)(D) and regulation section 1.1361-1(1)/
And they say the language is “English”?
Batman BeatlesMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]
9CL – Why do I get the feeling there will be a pregnancy similarly to that awful Madonna movie “The Next Best Thing”?
DoodMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]
“In some circles” Dan Diller is known as Saruman, or Sharku in the uncouth tongue.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]
@Batman Beatles (#86): I don’t think a gay man can get a woman pregnant in McEldowney’s universe. Or — no, what am I thinking? Of course he can, if they’re both artistic enough.
Walker of DogMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:33 pm [Reply]
@LUJBEM FEJF (#6): You don’t eat pan-fried? Then you don’t eat nothin’.
@wossname (#Y272): Chatu’s life is over if he fires because Walker’s unitard is made of napalm. Also, Walker’s plan needs work.
@boojum (#21): Process Blue is people!
@Krazy Kat (#30): Important follow-up: when you told your boss you were at work today, how did his/her nose respond?
Fashion PoliceMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]
Which is creepier, Mr. Weston’s amorous fixation for his daughter, or Dr. Cory’s for his son?
And what about the bright red cashmere sweater? We are sadly aware that the days of doctors dressing like professionals is over, but Dr. Cory’s aggressively blatant leisurewear rather sends the message that he really doesn’t have any interest whatsoever in his patients. One could say the same for Dr. Cory the Younger’s Spanx® t-shirt.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:39 pm [Reply]
Curtis: Curtis’s parents really need to be paying more attention to his education if he thinks leaches are standard equipment in laboratories.
Phantom: “I uphold the Phantom code! No violence tonight!” I never knew the Phantom had a “no violence” code. It must be right up there with his “no purple costume” code and his “always be there for your children” code.
(Brought over from the end of yesterday’s thread. Sorry.)
MaryAnnTheRestMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:39 pm [Reply]
MT: A pack of matches? Would Bear Grillis carry a pack of matches? I think not, sir.
RMMD: At first I thought “My lawyer is a crocodile” was a mangled metaphor, but on reflection, I think I’ve seen that lawyer defending Shady Shrew.
Professor FateMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]
MW: The Kites are in the trunk let’s go!
PBS: I hate myself for it, but I would like this to be at least an option.
FW: The hell? And just who are these people? The last we saw of Malloy was she was the target of crude come ons from The clone of Les until she swtiched classes to escape. I don’t get how that makes her a stuck up bitch but I guess rejecting even the clone of Les is a mortal sin in Batuik’s eyes.
9CL: Yes you have proven gay men can be boring. Hell you’ve just proved a comic strip with gay men in it can be boring. And if she gets pregnant i’ll need to hurt someone.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]
@Dood (#87):
“In some circles” Dan Diller is known as Saruman, or Sharku in the uncouth tongue.
Or possibly the Bandar tongue.
boojumMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:43 pm [Reply]
Psssst! Josh and Uncle Lumpy!
Perusing some old comments, I think #40 on the “Gross Saturday” post just might be spam.
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Little GuyMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Skull Caves: “Violence Tomorrow…. Comedy Tonight!”
boojumMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]
@boojum (#95): Sorry, the ten separate links in the cited comment didn’t show up as clickable.
ShiaiMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:48 pm [Reply]
A3G: Dan Diller, World’s Most Famous Leon Russell Inpersonator.
SarahMMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:50 pm [Reply]
9CL – In between Seth being absolutely convinced that a man with a wife and 11 children (!) is gay, and then him sleeping with a woman while still firmly declaring himself to be gay, I honestly don’t get what point the creator is trying to make about human sexuality. Is he unaware that it is actually possible for someone to be bi-sexual? Because as I understand it, if you’re straight, you are attracted to the opposite gender, and if you’re gay, you’re attracted to your own gender. Apparently, Brooke is adhering to different definition of “gay” and “straight” than the rest of us uncultured beefwits!
But Calvin and Hobbes said it best: “Look, pal, there’s no point expressing ideas if you can’t make them understood! You’re just babbling to yourself!”
ShiaiMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]
Hey kids, try this for breakfast…it’s chock-full of whatever makes Luann what she is! (Thanks to Mark Evanier for this link)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sa_steve/3236860481
Fashion PoliceMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]
@Old School Allie Cat (#48):
Like many others, we are quite fond of Miss Black. We have even forgiven her for wearing purple boots to the rehearsal dinner, and in our view she deserves a better fate than further entanglement with Clan Cory. We find it implausible that even such a hound dog as Dr. Cory the Younger would deign to enter the bowels of the hospital where the Administration peasants toil away, but this being Mary Worth we suppose some contrivance will be engineered to ensure their meeting. We salute your astute observation.
March 31st, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]
@SarahM (#99):
“But Calvin and Hobbes said it best: “Look, pal, there’s no point expressing ideas if you can’t make them understood! You’re just babbling to yourself!”
Or as Foghorn Leghorn said (approximately), “Your beak is flappin’, son, but nothing’s coming out!”
boojumMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]
@Old School Allie Cat (#48):
Do we think Jill might $*%#ing fall in love with Drew?
Well, it is her turn. Fair’s fair.
Walker of DogMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:57 pm [Reply]
A3G: The two exasperated patrons in the row behind Iris and Mystery Dan have had enough, and they are storming out. Between this insipid conversation and the intolerable performance onstage, they will be swearing off the theater for life. Hello Netflix!
DT: The name’s Nah Tay. Jean Nah Tay.
GT: Gil: “Well, is it a theory or a rule? Here, let’s check the internet on your compute – - AAUGH! What the hell is that?! What are you looking at?!
(looks down)
…And since when are you left-handed?”
RMMD: Today’s strip is offensive to Welsh people. And crocodiles. And (looking at Panel-1 Dex) the Texas blind salamander.
S-M: Repurposing old fishnets as wainscoting? A… unique decorating choice.
A3G: “Check out my transplanted chest hair! Doesn’t it look great? And in completely unrelated news, I’ve recently become a never-nude.”
Plug: First Reed Hoover of Dallas, now Delores Green of Fort Worth? Arlington and the other Mid-Cities, surrounded and recognizing the futility of further resistance, lay down their weapons and await their Pluggerized fate.
Effluvius Erratus NastiusMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]
@Dood (#87): Ah—and he has come to New York to steal the Ring of Power right out from under Margo’s clitoris.
Chyron HRMarch 31st, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#88): If McEldowney’s “universe” encompasses all of his comic stip endeavours, I’m pretty sure a woman can get a gay man pregnant there.
bats :[March 31st, 2011 at 1:05 pm [Reply]
Dean Booth suggested the origins of the mysterious Dan Diller a week or so ago…and it wasn’t Colorado! I’m further exploring that possibility…
Monty Python's Family CircusMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]
FC
“Ah. You have beautiful thighs.”
March 31st, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]
@Batman Beatles (#86): “Awful Madonna movie” is a redundancy.
bats :[March 31st, 2011 at 1:09 pm [Reply]
Just in case anyone else was in a quandary, l A l S l S l l C l H l A l P l S l is not the answer to today’s Jumble. I tried.
boojumMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:21 pm [Reply]
@SarahM (#99): Well, of course Brooke is adhering to different definitions of “gay” and “straight” than the rest of us! What part of “uncultured beefwits” are you failing to understand?
You see, Seth’s unbridled passion for Fernanda has nothing to do with sex, as it would for mere humans. D’uh! Seth is gay! (Remember? He cruelly and publicly dumped his long-time male lover to play Sink the Salami with Fernanda on the first dance.)
As a Certified McEldowney® Sensitive Artiste, Seth is (a) above the petty morality of mortal men, and (b) inexorably drawn, like a 13 Wide moth to a lovely flame, to the corresponding unicorn-like purity of Fernanda’s soul! His thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are his ways your ways.
Why can you not understand this? Why sully what is so obviously spiritual – nay, holy – with your crass “definitions”?
True, they’re totally bumping uglies. But he doesn’t love her in that way.
FafMorMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]
I’ve gotta believe that Dick Tracy and the Phantom are subtle campaigns for the death penalty. Once the criminal is killed off (not directly by the hero, of course, but by the circumstances of the criminal’s own depravity and evil), the sense of relief, in fact, sense of pleasure with the righteousness of the well-deserved horrible death can’t help but persuade even the most tenderhearted reader that everyone is better off if vigilante heroes just did the job quickly, rather than lingering on for months of indecision.
tl;dr – RELEASE THE RATS
bats :[March 31st, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]
@boojum (#111): I shudder to realize how much sense you analysis made!
littlestevieMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]
MW: WTF Drew? Are you just going to show up at the hospital and walk the halls and spy some patient and then snag them for your own? I think when you blew out of Santa Royale for Vietnam, Santa Royale General might of severed your contract with them and cut off your priveleges. Hospitals get a little snippy when you skip out on them. The only thing you are going to do at the hospital is to apply for a job as an orderly, and pray they even give you that.
Esther BlodgettMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:34 pm [Reply]
@Braniff (#58): No, no, a sense of humor really helps when coping with Assboogers.
boojumMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:34 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#113): Well, I felt it had to be said. Genius makes it own law.
commodorejohnMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:35 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#107): I love you so much.
But What Do I Know?March 31st, 2011 at 1:35 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#78): No one gets off the island alive. . .
AviatrixMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:36 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#68): Re: JP, I was blithely assuming the latter, because we do see grooms holding the horses from time to time. While it’s possible that the little orphan girls have to get up and muck out the stables every morning, I think it’s more likely that this bout of manual labour is an occasional thing, kind of like the Queen visiting her infant offspring in the nursery.
But What Do I Know?March 31st, 2011 at 1:37 pm [Reply]
@Shrug (#83): Oh yeah, that’s a real page turner. . . Maybe he flew to NYC to find a publisher for the sequel . . .
AviatrixMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]
Now we know Mark has been hit on the head one too many times. He didn’t close the cover of the matchbook before striking. Before you know it, he’ll be using contractions and poaching.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:45 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#107): that works so much better than Rufus' attempt at "We were sent by Him who is called I Am!" [*]
AviatrixMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:45 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#51): Maybe the Phantom has given Chatu not so much a loaded gun, as a gun-shaped grenade. He pulls the trigger and Chatu’s dead for sure, and everyone within a three metre radius has to make a saving throw.
Or Kit has a gun hidden in his codpiece.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:45 pm [Reply]
You probably won’t be hearing from me again for awhile. After a torrential downpour this morning, I discovered flooding throughout our house. My eight-year-old woke me from a sound sleep 90 minutes ago and said “There’s water on the floor!” The high winds — not quite hurricane caliber, but still strong — forced a substantial amount of water under my front and side doors. Mrs. Stoneaxe, who came home from work to find a very frazzled husband and son, is currently out buying janitor supplies (mops, buckets, etc.). All we can do now is take pictures and try to contain the damage as much as possible.
I’ve lived in Florida most of my life, but this has to be the cruelest joke Mother Nature has ever played on us!
Esther BlodgettMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#124): Ack! Hope all turns out well. You might try applying some of that boldface to the affected areas – it always works for Mark Trail. Alternatively, sprinkle hair on the floodwater and then punch it out of the house. Good luck!
CanuckDownSouthMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]
@Professor Fate (#93): FW: … I guess rejecting even the clone of Les is a mortal sin in Batuik’s eyes.
Isn’t that the very definition of a Marty Stu? You are good/bad depending purely upon whether you accept the wonderfulness of the MS authour avatar?
Baka GaijinMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]
@boojum (#50): ‘Next up for Herb: an exquisitely exhausting five-hour hot-wax-and-tweezers session from which he will emerge very, very smooth-shaven. And a little more dead inside.” Herb’s not the only one.
@Mibbitmaker (#67) on The Phantom: Don’t edit yourself, Mibbit. Let us know how you really feel.
@commodorejohn (#77): “Your normal skin is fine, as long as A. it’s a region free of hair, and B. you don’t leave it on for too long, but I wouldn’t recommend it for personal regions…” Personal experience speaking?
@Effluvius Erratus Nastius (#105): “Ah—and he has come to New York to steal the Ring of Power right out from under Margo’s clitoris.” And to think we thought the ring rolled under the couch where the cat got it. I knew there was pussy involved.
@Esther Blodgett (#115): “No, no, a sense of humor really helps when coping with Assboogers.” Should we get a ruling from Fashion Police whether Assboogers are an appropriate accessory for assless chaps?
@Esther Blodgett (#125): You took the words right out of my mouth. Rocky, newspapers make excellent sopping cloths.
commodorejohnMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#124): Oof. Hope things work out for you…
@CanuckDownSouth (#126): That it is, CDS. That it is.
Purple ProsecutorMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]
A3G: I’m fairly certain the A3G writers have no idea who or what Dan Diller is. They are simply drawing out the ambiguity as long as they possibly can. This will lead to a very anticlimactic reveal, when it turns out that Dan Diller is a hobo after all, but some kind of FAMOUS hobo.
commodorejohnMarch 31st, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#127): Personal experience speaking?
Thankfully no, but I have heard a few terrifying stories…
March 31st, 2011 at 2:11 pm [Reply]
Phantom: My guess is that all those wavy lines in the air are gas fumes that the Phantom has released into the jail, and if Mr. Baddy shoots, it will cause a horrendous fireball. This will allow The Phantom to adhere to his “no violence” code.
And I know we’ve all been kind of harsh on Spiderman for his easy-going crime-fighting ways — but you’ve got to admit, unlike the Phantom, at least he goes after criminals who aren’t already safely locked up in jail!
Baka GaijinMarch 31st, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]
Judge Parker: Quit whining kid and learn a talent already. Find a very public and shameful way to force the school ban pretzel rods from the lunchroom.
Pluggers: The sad thing about this pathetic tableau is that Plugger Chickenlady will be having a cluckin’ good time with Frenchy McMaître d in the walk-in by the salad course and Plugger Dogman will never be the wiser.
Garfield: Jon’s scorching case of assboogers has flared up again rather suddenly.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMarch 31st, 2011 at 2:26 pm [Reply]
@But What Do I Know? (#120): We missed out on home-wreckin’ Jackie Thornton because of that? (I’m assuming, of course, that she threw herself in front of a bus when she learned that she had to market Daniel Diller’s tome.)
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#124): Oh dear—good luck!
bourbon babe, unbuckledMarch 31st, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#132):
Quit whining kid and learn a talent already.
Why doesn’t she just buy a boyfriend from India?
DoodMarch 31st, 2011 at 2:28 pm [Reply]
I like the way Iris is reciting 50 Ways to Leave Your Hobo Tramp with her, “You don’t need to be coy, Roy. Don’t make me guess, Jess. No need to be wan, Dan … just set yourself free.”
AnonymousMarch 31st, 2011 at 2:28 pm [Reply]
MT: Fuck the plane! Guard the pot!!
These drug guys are idiots. You’d think that they were on something, or something.
March 31st, 2011 at 2:35 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#124): we’ll be waiting for Mark to dedicate a special Sunday edition to you. “Nature is not cruel! You should buy a bucket and be prepared! What? There are no pancakes? Curse you, Nature!”
Take care and do whatcha gotta do. Thinking dry thoughts for you from Arizona.
Baka GaijinMarch 31st, 2011 at 2:39 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#134): One who likes boat wrestling?
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 31st, 2011 at 2:42 pm [Reply]
@littlestevie (#114): Hopefully Drew hasn’t burned any bridges in the hospital cafeteria. And if he works there, lunch is 25% off!
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]
MT: I really hadn’t paid much attention to the bales in the Drug Storage Shed, but as has been pointed out, they must be smuggling pot. So they’re loading up their little two-seater plane with, what — two or three bales of the stuff — and flying it into the States where they’re selling it for enough profit to pay for the fuel there and back again.
Plus — pot?! How very…non-threatening.
Alfred E. NeumanMarch 31st, 2011 at 2:53 pm [Reply]
Phantom— For all of you who are wondering, The Phantom’s Code is based on the ideas of the Roman philosopher, Pseudolus, who once said:
“Something familiar,
Something peculiar,
Something for everyone:
No violence tonight!
…
Something convulsive,
Something repulsive,
Something for everyone:
No violence tonight!
…
No royal curse, no Trojan horse,
And a happy ending, of course!
Goodness and badness,
Panic is madness–
This time it all turns out all right!
Tragedy tomorrow,
No violence tonight!”
March 31st, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]
MT: Now that I know these guys are basically harmless pot smugglers, I’m starting to rethink this whole scenario. I mean, we only have the woman’s word that Otto is a killer. In reality, although he seems to have a crush on her, he’s very respectful towards her and non-demanding. I’m starting to think that Momjeans is actually a meddling CIA operative working with her midget partner and that they’ve been sent to destabilize a region that has begun to enjoy a solid crop-based economy under a stable and benign leader.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 2:58 pm [Reply]
@Alfred E. Neuman (#141): Brilliant.
Chip WhittleMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:02 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#124):
You probably won’t be hearing from me again for awhile.
Yikes. Yeah, as others said, here’s hoping it turns out not as bad as it looks.
Brewster Rockit: The donut people’s most vexing health problem is “find a creeping staleness”? I think the donut people need to elect a copy editor.
Dustin: Remember, kids, Dustin’s Dad is supposed to be the respectable figure in the strip. Dustin himself is the jerk-face loser-boy.
Family Circus: “Mommy, is this a ‘P’ or a ‘Q’?” “I can’t tell, dear, the clothes line is somehow making the whole house look like some optical illusion puzzle!”
Gasoline Alley: How would have guessed that when Slim finally got savagely beaten, he wouldn’t be the person on-screen who deserved it?
Love is… …sweet dreams. Sweet, baffling dreams of Sisyphean tasks. Taking hearts out of the basket to toss into a net…the heck?
Mary Worth: Male Unit Of Some Name I Can’t Remember is so eager to bond with his son that if he’d claimed he was going to the bathroom to kill himself the answer would still be “I’m headed there now! Why don’t we ride in together?”
The Phantom: “If he fires, his life is over! Maybe mine, too…but I will get this shot off! Live or die, I uphold the Phantom Code! No violence tonight! Except for his shooting me! And my shooting him! And my killing him! And his maybe killing me.”
[ BLAM! BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM! BLAM! ]
And as he slumps over dying, The Phantom realizes that wasn’t the Phantom Code he was thinking of, he was just remembering Morse Code wrong.
The Phantom also resolves this is the last time he gets a plan from Peter Parker.
Retail: So, the new cashier’s drawers being correct to the penny might indicate he’s ripping them off…uh…by…a clever leave-a-penny-take-a-penny drawer scam? Huh?
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:09 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#144):
Brewster Rockit: The donut people’s most vexing health problem is “find a creeping staleness”? I think the donut people need to elect a copy editor.
That one really stumped me. It wasn’t until you mentioned “copy editor” that I looked at it again and realised it probably should be: “find a cure for creeping staleness.” Now it makes sense — in a donut-people kind of way. Thank you.
Vince MMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#144): All I could figure from BR was that a creeping staleness would prevent them from being eaten and was thus good. If a punchline doesn’t work I hammer on it until it does.
IrvingMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]
Dan Diller is clearly a very fine, bearded, playwright.
(bonus points for identifying the reference)
March 31st, 2011 at 3:18 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#143): Thanks!
This one, not so much:
Spider-Man— Morbius obviously suffers from a severe sleepwalking disorder. Spider-Man will spring into action to resolve the situation by calling for a somnambulance.
ArchieNemesisMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#36): Morbius’s fiance as the attacker makes sense: she was armed and ready when Spidey popped in the window, and Morbius was obviously lethargic and weak. Maybe she is dominating Morbius, forcing him to improve her powers, and harassing the citizenry? The plot then becomes Spiderman’s attempt to save his sleepy friend Morbius by breaking up his marriage. The only hitch is that she is also a more manly man than either Spidey or Morbius.
MrBribarysShrunkenHeadsMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]
My 38 year comic strip fanboy dream of seeing Bribery, Ugly Christine and The Smoking Cat and a Space Coup again in a daily comic strip has come true (and a Nay Tay reference)! Too bad they all met such definitive ends (except the cat).
littlestevieMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:26 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#139): Only if salmon squares and potato-aide are on the menu.
Batman BeatlesMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:28 pm [Reply]
@greghousesgf (#109):
Well Evita was OK.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:30 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#125), @commodorejohn (#128), @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#133), @bats :[ (#137), @Chip Whittle (#144):
Update: Fortunately, we live six blocks from a Home Depot. Mrs. Stoneaxe (who’s one smart cookie) bought a small wet dry vac there for $30.00, and it’s been a big help to us. Some books we had sitting on the floor in one of the rooms got wet — including a signed copy of Ray Gotto’s Cotton Woods strip compilation. I’m guardedly optimistic we can salvage most of our personal possessions, but it does make me wonder what would happen if we ever had a direct hit by a hurricane!
yaoi huntress earthMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]
9cwl: Anyone else find it “interesting” that the more comic tries to make Seth seems like a decent person, the more you remember what a jerk he is. Don’t judge him, but it’s ok for him to turn his nose up on Roger for not being high-brow enough to fit is idea of gay.
Baka GaijinMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:34 pm [Reply]
@littlestevie (#151): The menu of the damned.
bats :[March 31st, 2011 at 3:36 pm [Reply]
@Alfred E. Neuman (#141):
One two three KICK
And turn and KICK
And turn and KICK KICK KICK
Sway and sashay and KICK
(of course these are non-threatening, non-violent kicks…)
Artist formerly known as BenMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:37 pm [Reply]
@littlestevie (#151): @Baka Gaijin (#155): Augh! Is there no escape for him?
@Chip Whittle (#144):Re Dustin: Well how are young people going to learn the unforgiveable error of not being settled into a career by age 21 if you don’t throw them to identity thieves?
March 31st, 2011 at 3:41 pm [Reply]
@boojum (#50):
Jamaal’s initials are JJJ? Do we know what the other two J’s stand for?
Probably Jamaal. At least, I seem to recall his name is Jamaal J. Jamaal, and how much imagination do you think was spent on that middle name?
@Braniff (#58): No, I thought your post was funny. Of course, I thought mine was too, so there’s that.
@Mibbitmaker (#73): Spider-idiot!
The thing is, Pete got the intelligence of a spider. Not the proportional intelligence of a spider, mind you, but the actual intelligence of a spider. I mean, it was pretty smart for a spider, but it was still just a spider.
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#124): Do what must be done, and hurry back soon. Best wishes for tranquility and strength coping with the water and its effects.
FishiesMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:41 pm [Reply]
When I first saw Herb and Jamaal I thought they were a gay couple. I was really confused when one of them had a wife. Ah well.
ArchieNemesisMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:45 pm [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#36): Upon further research, it seems that the vampirish thing that Spidey was fighting was way too ripped to be a girl. If it was female, it was showing a remarkable amount of vampire-thing cleavage. But strangely enough, on March 30th, the fiance, clutching the ever-opening bathrobe, is revealing what seems to be a defined pectoral line. OK, I’m outta here. Between Love Is … and Spiderman, I’ve had my fair share of androgyny for the day.
gleebMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:46 pm [Reply]
“Look in your heart, Elviney. I’m praying to you.”
Chip WhittleMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:46 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#153):
Good! I’ll check the linen closet for spare sponges and mail them down your way.
@Frank Lee Meidere (#145):
It wasn’t until you mentioned “copy editor” that I looked at it again and realised it probably should be: “find a cure for creeping staleness.” Now it makes sense — in a donut-people kind of way.
I think you’ve got what the caption ought to have been. “Cure for” would fit easily enough on a line and get omitted by accident that it rings right.
PC and Pixel today also needed copy editing, at least if it was to make the joke I think it wanted to make.
Freshly Squeezed: Yes, kids, remember: the greatest mercy to come to the deceased is not being on the Internet. It makes sense as long as the only thing you know about the Internet is that you hate it.
Heathcliff: Oh, good Lord, a frustrated Gunther is inflicting cosplay on the other strips now.
@Fishies (#159):
When I first saw Herb and Jamaal I thought they were a gay couple. I was really confused when one of them had a wife.
Oh, relax. Herb and/or Jamaal only married her for her Art, who manages the equipment rack at Lon’s Gym.
PamsterMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]
#153 Rocky Stoneaxe: Put any books and papers that got wet in the freezer until you can deal with them. It will prevent mildew growth and the pages from sticking together. Other tips are at http://www.waterdamageinformation.com/water-damage-information-articles/Tips-for-Salvaging-Water-Damaged-Books–Papers_AE69.html.
LiamMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:51 pm [Reply]
Doonesbury-I can hear “The Odd Couple” theme.
Dustin-I don’t know which is more shocking the dad is going through with the scam or he is giving the scammer Dustin’s account number.
Sally Forth-Is this a subtle reference that Ted beats the softball team that he coaches?
BootsyMarch 31st, 2011 at 3:55 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#153):
Rocky, condolences and good luck with the drying out. Of your stuff, I mean. Not you personally; you may need to drink more before this is over. And as far as hurricanes go, if you’re like me you spend the summer watching the Gulf and gassing up the car.
March 31st, 2011 at 4:26 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#124): Good luck Rocky, sorry for the bad news.
Just some guyMarch 31st, 2011 at 4:31 pm [Reply]
Hey, Jamaal, I’ve been putting in some time at the gym!
Oh, uh, yeah Herb, I figured that out, since we’re AT THE GYM right now, as you can see from the second panel!
March 31st, 2011 at 4:32 pm [Reply]
SS: I grew up in a rural setting, and a friend’s aunt killed his uncle with a cast-iron skillet to the head, so this seems about right.
Here Come ole FlattopMarch 31st, 2011 at 4:36 pm [Reply]
@Alfred E. Neuman (#141): Are you sure you’re not quoting Wang Chung?
PoteetMarch 31st, 2011 at 4:40 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#124): I am so sorry. Good luck and courage, mon ami! And Pam at #163 is right — freezers are what they’ve used during Iowa library floods, I do believe.
Fashion PoliceMarch 31st, 2011 at 4:48 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#127):
Regretfully, our experience wtih chaps is limited to trailing dogies through the mesquite. We have never had cause to consider accessorizing assless chaps, but we suspect that, like heavy perfume or six-inch heels, assboogery would be regarded among the more discriminating as overindulgent.
March 31st, 2011 at 4:48 pm [Reply]
H&J – I don’t get this Herb and Jamaal homoerotic thing. Would anyone believe that Mary Worth gives straight guys hard-ons? And does Crankshaft make women cream in their jeans? Then don’t believe H&J is either homo or erotic.
PoteetMarch 31st, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]
@Alfred E. Neuman (#141): YAY!!
PoteetMarch 31st, 2011 at 4:50 pm [Reply]
9CL — I’m hoping I’ll never see Mark again. That way I can tell myself that he escaped to another comic strip. A less-pretentious comic strip. A sane comic strip.
commodorejohnMarch 31st, 2011 at 4:59 pm [Reply]
@SF_Reader (#172): I…uh, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to read Crankshaft again [*] Thanks for that image.
Joe BlevinsMarch 31st, 2011 at 5:00 pm [Reply]
Zomby fails in a whole new way!
Chyron HRMarch 31st, 2011 at 5:05 pm [Reply]
Dustin – I just thought I’d hop on the bandwagon and say that the mom is really hot. I mean, uh, the dad is a jerk. Also, too.
Ukulele IkeMarch 31st, 2011 at 5:05 pm [Reply]
@Braniff (#58): Oh, man, you totally tricked me into scrolling back and reading “assboogers” again.
Pluggers: You could head off this tendency when, upon dressing a Plugger nicely, you included a jacket of some sort to top off the ensemble. Shirtsleeves and a necktie don’t cut it on their own.
Baka GaijinMarch 31st, 2011 at 5:18 pm [Reply]
@Ukulele Ike (#178): I have a feeling we’ll be seeing Assboogers on the COTW float tomorrow. Now I’m ambivalent whether I want to be chosen to be up there.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 5:19 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#162):
PC and Pixel today also needed copy editing, at least if it was to make the joke I think it wanted to make.
If I work my way through the tortured prose, I think she did exactly as told: she forbade the children to not touch anything.
John C FremontMarch 31st, 2011 at 5:26 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#124): Yoiks! Beaming positive thoughts your way, buddy!
You know, they always tell you that if life hands you lemons you should make lemonade. I don’t think they ever said what to do when life hands you several feet of water. They should get to work on that.
Stroker AceMarch 31st, 2011 at 5:28 pm [Reply]
Hand & Job – Herb will be ogling ‘Men’s Workout’ while waiting for the Nair to do its work on his chest.
Uncle LumpyMarch 31st, 2011 at 5:28 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#153):
Floor squeegee!
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 5:38 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#153): If the commercials can be believed (and who couldn’t believe an upright guy like Vince?), a couple of those Shamwows should put everything right.
PS: You might try packing the wet books and papers in rice. It’s supposed to be quite good at drying things out. Of course, that’s only if you use uncooked rice. Cooked rice, rice pudding and things like that wouldn’t work quite as well.
Cheeky Wee MonkeysMarch 31st, 2011 at 5:46 pm [Reply]
It’s great to have a gay couple in the comics. I just hope there’s no trouble for the author, like Lynn Johnston had when she made Lawrence come out of the closet.
I do find it a little unnerving that we don’t see Herb for the rest of the comic, though. What exactly is he doing that we’re not allowed to see?
Baka GaijinMarch 31st, 2011 at 5:49 pm [Reply]
@Cheeky Wee Monkeys (#185): What’s Herb doing that we’re not allowed to see? Something that would make the old ladies who read newspaper comics and write letters, swoon if they saw it. [*]
plain bellied sneetchMarch 31st, 2011 at 6:00 pm [Reply]
AG: Wait, I’m confused. I thought the guys in ZZ Top were named Billy, Dusty and Frank. Where does Dan fit in to the band?
commodorejohnMarch 31st, 2011 at 6:05 pm [Reply]
@Cheeky Wee Monkeys (#185): Don’t worry – with its commitment to absolute nonspecificity, Herb & Jamaal has plausible deniability built right in!
ChanceMarch 31st, 2011 at 6:11 pm [Reply]
“Hey, Jamaal, I’ve been putting in some time at the gym lately,” Herb informs his friend, while they are both actually inside the gym.
ChanceMarch 31st, 2011 at 6:14 pm [Reply]
And another thing. Why are there more sandwich fetishist characters in the comics than there are out gay characters?
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 6:17 pm [Reply]
@Chyron HR (#106): Only if they are both sufficiently sensitive to art.
giraffe-oMarch 31st, 2011 at 6:17 pm [Reply]
Herb & Jamaal : I can’t tell exactly what’s going on with that horrible perspective in the rendering of panel 1, but… it looks like Herb is kneeling down… for some reason? And from the angle of the word balloons in panel 2, looks like the men’s locker room at Lon’s Gym is right in the front window?
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 6:25 pm [Reply]
@Chance (#190): Because there are more food companies partnering with comic strips than gay bars?
ChanceMarch 31st, 2011 at 6:31 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#193): No, that can’t be it. I’m thinking the source lies in the shameful, twisted desires of the creators.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 6:36 pm [Reply]
@Chance (#194): Need our two ideas be mutually exclusive?
Alfred E. NeumanMarch 31st, 2011 at 6:37 pm [Reply]
@Here Come ole Flattop (#169) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#141): Are you sure you’re not quoting Wang Chung?”
I don’t think so. I’ve heard that Pseudolus is a pseudonym for the philosopher Sond Heim.
Kate MonsterMarch 31st, 2011 at 6:40 pm [Reply]
Is it just me, or is that BG&SS strip actually just a rough draft for Mallard Fillmore?
ChanceMarch 31st, 2011 at 6:44 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#195): You mean… the sickness goes all the way to the top of Big Sandwich?!
Écureuil ÉcumantMarch 31st, 2011 at 6:59 pm [Reply]
9CL: “All I ever wanted was to … have a couple of dogs …”
Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. You already do. Size 13, as I recall you said.
“You might pretend you ain’t got ‘em on the bottom of you-woo-woo
But don’t fool yourself, boy, they’re winkin’ at you
Don’t fool yourself, boy, they’re blinkin’ at you
That’s why I’m gonna…”
March 31st, 2011 at 6:59 pm [Reply]
Would British guys who don’t have pet snakes count as Aspless Chaps?
boojumMarch 31st, 2011 at 7:00 pm [Reply]
@Kate Monster (#197): Pssst! Ix-nay on the Allard-may. It’s against The Rules.
http://joshreads.com/?page_id=514
Maggie the CatMarch 31st, 2011 at 7:12 pm [Reply]
@boojum (#201): @Kate Monster (#197):
LOL, just call it the duck comic. It could be Donald or Daffy or some other foul.
hypochrismutreefuzzMarch 31st, 2011 at 7:29 pm [Reply]
But but … why would Herb say that he was putting time in at the gym when he was at the gym while he was saying it? That makes no sense.
Also, I think Mr Diller is a dollar short of a tenner. Or is he a ten O’Clock scholar? We may never know.
Alfred E. NeumanMarch 31st, 2011 at 7:33 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#124): When our previous house flooded due to a combination of poor drainage and torrential rains, I rented a heavy duty wet-dry vac. After hours of vacuuming, and billions and billions [use Carl Sagan voice here] of gallons of water disposed of, we took a chance and did not pull up our carpeting and padding. Everything dried out just fine with no odor whatsoever. I hope things go that well for you. Good Luck!
Pseudo3DMarch 31st, 2011 at 7:51 pm [Reply]
@Shiai (#100): I posted that link a week ago, I think.
Pseudo3DMarch 31st, 2011 at 7:55 pm [Reply]
I’m REALLY curious as to what Luann would need duct tape for. Is it…
a) for use on the gown for a failed “shabby-chic” look?
b) for herself because her outfit is S&M-themed?
c) to shut up others who think her gown is hideous?
d) for something not mentioned?
March 31st, 2011 at 7:57 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#153): Glad things are looking a little better for y’all. The freezer idea sounds like a good one, although if the relative size of your freezer and your book collection are anything like mine, it’s not going to be all that helpful. Good luck with the flood, and I’m glad y’all didn’t get hit by a tornado.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 8:12 pm [Reply]
@Chance (#198): Keep quiet about that unless you want to become the secret ingredient at a Doublemeat Palace.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 8:16 pm [Reply]
@Shrug (#200): Not sure about that, but due to their often bony frames, they’re often considered Assless Chaps.
AviatrixMarch 31st, 2011 at 8:19 pm [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#206): Before putting on a strapless gown, you lift your boobs, arrange your cleavage as required, and wrap a strip of duct tape around underneath from the sides. You can buy fancy stick on bra cups that do the same job, but they don’t have the staying power of duct tape and are much more expensive.
Duct tape can also be used for emergency hem adjustments.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 8:22 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#209): I don’t think I said “often” often enough in that comment. Often.
Often.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 8:23 pm [Reply]
@Aviatrix (#210): Nothing has the staying power of duct tape.
Not Worth ItMarch 31st, 2011 at 8:29 pm [Reply]
So, if you click on Josh’s link to see the actual “gayest Herb & Jamaal ever,” you arrive at a page that also contains a Momma strip. If you continue to read that page, you will note an ancient query as to why the mothers in said strip are 1/10,000 the height of the kids. Well, I did read that far, and was struck by an epiphany! I bet I know why!!! I bet the artist is looking back to the days of his youth, before Boniva and chiropractic, when elderly mothers were hunched, shrunken, and osteoporosis-stricken people who had never been over 4′9″ at their best because they were born in Russia in 1882, while their American-born kids sprang up lean and tall because McDonald’s hadn’t been founded, and because their after school activities involved a lot of running around and no X-boxes. I imagine that the proportions of the characters don’t even cause other centenarians to blink.
CrankenstankMarch 31st, 2011 at 8:31 pm [Reply]
I believe you have mistakenly identified the goings-on in Snuffy Smith today: this is a hillbilly mating ritual, and the skillet is going to be part of the ceremony. Nuf sed.
illyanadmcMarch 31st, 2011 at 8:38 pm [Reply]
should it be embarrassing for me to admit that i felt a slight sense of pride when i correctly predicted which herb & jamaal strip that link points to? if not, what about when one considers the fact that i couldn’t remember the specific joke, only that the two guys are doin’ it behind a counter? i think i need to work on accomplishing tasks which are actually worthy of pride, or at least more so than remembering a homoerotic panel of an otherwise forgettable comic strip.
commodorejohnMarch 31st, 2011 at 8:40 pm [Reply]
@Aviatrix (#210): Ah! So they are not, as Mr. McEldowney seemed to believe (ages ago, in the “priest and nun want to get married” storyline, the last 9CL romantic involvement that didn’t make me want to claw my eyes out and spew pure bile at Brooke,) powered by magic?
Here Come ole FlattopMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:14 pm [Reply]
@Alfred E. Neuman (#196): I don’t know, the meter of the rhyme seemed to dredge up some of the “outstanding” work of the ’80s. Of course, I’m currently listening to some of the other masters (philosopher Sond Heim not included), Mssrs Pink and Floyd. . . If I ever have 10 grand hanging about that I have nothing to spend it on, I’m buying Fender’s reproduction of Gilmore’s black strat.
scottMarch 31st, 2011 at 9:53 pm [Reply]
A3G- I don’t know why Dan is famous, but I’dbet money that when you lift up that beard, there’s a fashionable scarf underneath.
Rocky StoneaxeMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:05 pm [Reply]
Update: We’ve been mopping, wringing, drying and vacuuming all day and into the night. Pamster and Frank Lee Meidere both had excellent suggestions for removing moisture from wet paper (freezer and rice, respectively). Mrs. Stoneaxe and I will probably go with the latter since we barely have room in our freezer for a pack of hot dogs at this point. Thanks, guys!
NBC Nightly News actually mentioned — albeit briefly — the heavy rain and tornadoes that plagued our area today. However, someone should tell Brian Williams only locals refer to the southside of town as South Tampa. (Still, he didn’t refer to us as Tampa Bay, so there’s that!)
commodorejohnMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:18 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#219): Glad to hear things are less disastrous for you; here’s hoping for the rest of the cleanup to go well :)
Esther BlodgettMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:29 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#219): As long as he didn’t refer to you as “drowned rats,” you should count your blessings. Glad to hear things are drying out!
AviatrixMarch 31st, 2011 at 10:54 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#216): I’m sure you know how duct tape is like The Force (and whether you do or not, I’m sure someone will tell you shortly), and The Force is kind of like magic, so she wasn’t entirely wrong.
[Old Man] MuffarooMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:02 pm [Reply]
@Alfred E. Neuman (#196): Sondheim co-screenwrote the movie I’m watching on TCM now: THE LAST OF SUSAN, I think is the title. The other screenwriter was Anthony Perkins.
Frank Lee MeidereMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:19 pm [Reply]
@Aviatrix (#222): You mean the strong adhesive power of duct tape is actually caused by midi-chlorians?
Baka GaijinMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:40 pm [Reply]
Nancy (Thursday): My new chimney brush!
MrBribarysShrunkenHeadsMarch 31st, 2011 at 11:46 pm [Reply]
No mention of Creepy FDR and the Woman Who Inspired The Queen of Hearts To Jump In A Smokestack AND Matty Square (who smoked squares instead of rings)’s smoking cat (and Nay Tay reference, a beloved psychopathic head-shrinker who openly did cocaine to get into a murderous frenzy, in the comic strips in 1965!)?!
PoteetApril 1st, 2011 at 12:01 am [Reply]
@littlestevie (#114): Thank you. I have little knowledge of the medical profession, but that sounded very weird to me.
This GuyApril 1st, 2011 at 12:20 am [Reply]
Duct tape–it’s almost the only thing that really works sometimes.
I’ve seen duct tape hold up a car and prevent a car from moving. I’ve seen duct tape used to make a boat, a cannon, and a bridge (all on the same TV show, of course.) I’m not saying I believe duct tape can do anything, but I wouldn’t count it out on most things.
@Aviatrix (#222): I’ll spare the thread that old saw, but I did recently read that “The Force is a lot like duct tape: it has a light side and a dark side, and it’s really handy when you need to kidnap princesses.”
Alfred E. NeumanApril 1st, 2011 at 12:31 am [Reply]
@Here Come ole Flattop (#217): I’ll ‘fess up. My rhyme was a total rip-off of the lyrics from this song: Comedy Tonight.
CanuckDownSouthApril 1st, 2011 at 12:36 am [Reply]
@This Guy (#228): “In submillimeter astronomy, duct tape is a HARD mount” – fellow grad student
“hard mount” = fully bolted / integrated, the technology changes rapidly, and we *duct* tape a major dewar to a cart for storage between observing runs in Hawaii…
Frank Lee MeidereApril 1st, 2011 at 12:40 am [Reply]
@Alfred E. Neuman (#229): I knew that. I even recognised the words. But it was still funny.
Frank Lee MeidereApril 1st, 2011 at 12:44 am [Reply]
@littlestevie (#114):
MW: WTF Drew? Are you just going to show up at the hospital and walk the halls and spy some patient and then snag them for your own?MW: WTF Drew? Are you just going to show up at the hospital and walk the halls and spy some patient and then snag them for your own?
Well, according to today’s strip — yes. Right down to the clipboard, white coat, and stethoscope. It’s just like the teaching profession. You can leave a college for several years, then go back, look for a class whose teacher hasn’t arrived yet, and start teaching. Right?
At least, I hope that’s right. Or… . You know, I think I’m beginning to see why I haven’t been getting a paycheque.
Frank Lee MeidereApril 1st, 2011 at 12:48 am [Reply]
April 1
Phantom: So we have a week of the Phantom standing in front of a gun-wielding murderer with nothing happening, and just as the action begins to not pick up at all, we get a flashback to the Phantom leaving his family in order to go stand in front of the gun-wielding murderer. Way to pack in the suspense — and by “suspense” I mean zzzzzzzzz.
FW: Yeah, yeah, the spoilt little rich girl fainted and all that, but the real question here is why the hell is a teacher feeding the kids a batch of totally unsupported propaganda about how life is just going to be miserable…for…. Oh. Right. Kind of forgot which strip this was for a moment there.
MT: Whoa, good thinking there, Mark. What if Momjeans had started running off in a random direction instead of towards the plane?
DtM: Yeah — that joke pretty much only worked back when kids actually got spanked. Trying to resurrect it for newer audiences is just going to confuse them.
GT: Yeah, girl-in-bed! You tell him! After all, there’s no way that the thing he keeps talking about to everyone who will listen could possibly be the “real issue.”
bats :[April 1st, 2011 at 12:58 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#219): you made the noon local news here in Tucson. And friends of ours from CA had planned to go to a fly-in in Lakeland, where some 40 planes were damaged or destroyed, only their own plane was out of commission (damaged from a home-grown storm) a couple of weeks ago. The video of all the private planes torn apart was pretty nasty.
PoteetApril 1st, 2011 at 12:59 am [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#232): Bwahaha!
Maggie the CatApril 1st, 2011 at 1:12 am [Reply]
WHY IS THE GREATEST MUSIC PRODUCER IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE HERE???
He’s in the city checking on his Manhattan franchise, of course. Some crazy guy caused mass chaos when he shook his wet rat-fur hat all over the place and the NYHD has shut it down until further notice.
Maggie the CatApril 1st, 2011 at 1:14 am [Reply]
MW- Honey, I don’t think Dr. Drew is interested in the dessert on your platter if you know what I mean.
Besides, his surgeoning days are over. Just look at that broken wrist.
Maggie the CatApril 1st, 2011 at 1:17 am [Reply]
RMMD- I couldn’t stop LOLing at the waitress’ “Ask me about pie” tag. Why such detail? Is asking her about pie some kind of foreshadowing? Will Dex finally get a “piece” of hot waitress “pie” now that he’s going to be rich?
AviatrixApril 1st, 2011 at 1:17 am [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#224): In my Star Wars:
1. there are no midichlorians,
2. Han shot first, and
3. ‘Gungan’ is a food animal, something you buy in a tin, between the Spam and the tunafish.
April 1st, 2011 at 1:24 am [Reply]
Yikes, besides the drug-shed-fire on smuggle island, there’s also been a massive tar spill and all the islanders have been covered in sticky, tarry goo! As Mark, Momjeans, and the little girl make for the plane they become stuck in their tracks, unable to take another step towards freedom due to their tar coated feet foiling the escape. Luckily, the smugglers also become stuck and they all die in the midday heat like a brachiosaurus in a tar pit. Their misery is lessened, however, when they get really, really stoned as they wilt away.
HoverboyApril 1st, 2011 at 1:28 am [Reply]
Now that you’ve pointed out Jamaal’s weird nose-wang I’ve looked back through the archives to see how many times it appears. The answer: frequently. What. The. Hell?
Jim NorthApril 1st, 2011 at 1:45 am [Reply]
Jumble Oh, you leevrc ratdabs!
LisaApril 1st, 2011 at 2:00 am [Reply]
How long is this Judge Parker/Luann crossover supposed to go on for? I’m wondering how Angel and Sam are getting on at the jazz club… oh, I just made myself throw up a little.
tedlerApril 1st, 2011 at 2:06 am [Reply]
For all those wondering:
According to Lee Falk, the Phantom only uses his guns to shoot the guns of villains. This is of course stupid, but I think that’s the angle being played here.
KarMannApril 1st, 2011 at 3:14 am [Reply]
Dammit, FEJF, you really had me going there! Leevrc ratdabs, indeed!
ZaneTarloApril 1st, 2011 at 3:22 am [Reply]
I guess that from the shameless hotsy-totsy cameltoe-age in Luann today, it’s safe to say this is just a pre-game show for what will come in the pageant.
monsieurjohnApril 1st, 2011 at 6:23 am [Reply]
Continuity in Marmaduke?? This is the worst April Fool’s joke ever.
John C FremontApril 1st, 2011 at 6:26 am [Reply]
MW – Hey, she’s Liza with a “Z,” not Lisa with an “S.” (Lisa with an “S” goes “sss” not “zzz.”)
RMMD – “There is no ‘I’ in ‘team,’ but there’s an ‘I’ in ‘pie.’ In – there’s an ‘I’ in ‘meat pie.’ ‘I’ want to be the ‘meat’ in your ‘pie.’ Oh, I give up, just tell me about pie already.”
Seriously, I think I’m in love with that waitress. And I can quote Liza Minnelli. And no, I don’t see the contradiction.
CharterstonedApril 1st, 2011 at 6:31 am [Reply]
A3G – Maybe this whole event is supposed to be interactive theater, with the actors sprinkled among the audience. “Dan Diller” is actually Tommie in a beard and wig, and the audience role is just to play dead. Anyway, that’s what it looks like so far.
Frank Lee MeidereApril 1st, 2011 at 6:47 am [Reply]
@Aviatrix (#239): I’m with you on all of it. Did you ever see the Robot Chicken skit where, after telling Luke “I’m your father,” Darth Vader then goes on to reveal plot points from the other movies? When he gets to the part about the midi-chlorians Luke walks away in disgust saying, “Well, if you’re not going to be serious…”
Frank Lee MeidereApril 1st, 2011 at 6:50 am [Reply]
@tedler (#244): Okay, thanks for the information. That would explain a Phantom code of “no gun violence.” But if I remember the Phantom comics I read as a kid, he has a ring which leaves a distinct skull-shaped mark when he punches people, and in many circles, punching is also considered violence.
Little GuyApril 1st, 2011 at 7:36 am [Reply]
FC: To Northeast ‘Muungeons, a rare instance of good timing.
BR: *snerk*
Curtis: How long before they spend all the money they find on Saturday and return to abject poverty? I don’t think Billingsly ever saw “The Jeffersons”.
JP: blah blah blah mope mope mope blah
Candorville: blah blah blah mope mope mope blah
Little GuyApril 1st, 2011 at 7:37 am [Reply]
Muungeons — Those Mungeons of Dutch/Afrikaan ancestry.
Frank Lee MeidereApril 1st, 2011 at 7:37 am [Reply]
@Hoverboy (#241): I’d never noticed it myself until Josh pointed it out. I think this is the only comic in which a character shows positive emotions through a lengthening nose. Is this why H&J has continued to exist for all these years? It sure can’t be because of the jokes.
CanuckDownSouthApril 1st, 2011 at 8:09 am [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#250): … with you on that. And I’d add that it’s bloody well established in the original trilogy that Luke & Leia’s mom lived long enough for Leia to know her, plus Vader didn’t seem to know that he was the father of *twins*. As far as I’m concerned, the prequel trilogy simply isn’t Star Wars continuity at all. At best, it’s an alternate, somewhat similar universe.
SpundeApril 1st, 2011 at 8:14 am [Reply]
A3G: That’s right! I knew I knew the name! Dan Diller got his start producing SuperHoboTramp back in the ’70s.
Terry in MarylandApril 1st, 2011 at 8:29 am [Reply]
Phantom: Has Falk been reading Comics Crumudgeon? Are they going to start to deal with hand off to the next generation? Two things could happen here. One, Stripey gets shot and goes to the Great Skull Castle in the Sky. Then young Kit gets his archvillian, The Python, the man who killed his father, as his raison d’etre while he spends the next year or so trying to train himself to wear the purple spandex and follow in his ancestral footsteps. The other option, Stripey either kills Python or gives him a giant weggie, in either case incapacitating him and ending this story line. Stripey realises, however, that young Kit is getting about that age and it’s time to start training him as the next Phantom. Yeah, I think about the Phantom way too much.
MW: Ooooh, some hospital carrying on is on the horizon!
MT: Ok, so they sneak into the plane and take off. What’s stopping the bad guys from just shooting down the plane?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 1st, 2011 at 8:39 am [Reply]
AD: whelp, there’s our funny pages lesbian, and it’s an ant. (didn’t the Simpsons do that joke already?)
NAoQV: o_O? digging up something written by Wiley’s grandfather, perhaps?
GA: /fail. and too soon for earthquake gags.
LaCuc: ok, now that was funny.
SFx: y’know, when Mr. Weber Jr references his other strip, it’s not nearly so bad as when BMcE does it. That, and it would be rude to snark on a 10-year old guest artist.
SB: ok, that was clever.
commodorejohnApril 1st, 2011 at 8:41 am [Reply]
@Aviatrix (#239): Bless you, milady. Bless you.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 1st, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]
Love Is. . . . oral for dessert.
WeaselboyApril 1st, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]
Spiderman, meet Ockham’s Razor. Ockham’s Razor, Spiderman.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoApril 1st, 2011 at 8:52 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#260): I would have preferred a “flossing after dinner” joke, but couldn’t, for obvious reasons. . . .
[Old Man] MuffarooApril 1st, 2011 at 9:09 am [Reply]
Zippy – Happy 40th, tapered one.
@Aviatrix (#239): In my Star Wars prequels, every other Gungan besides Jar-Jar talks like Rex Harrison: “Ah, I see you’ve met Jar-Jar. Yes, well… Good fellow; heart of pure gold, you know, but he’s never been quite right since the accident.” [I tend to agree with CanuckDownSouth @255.]
[Old Man] MuffarooApril 1st, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]
Hägar – Shenanigans! If he can hold that overloaded Dagwood pizza as if it were an empty box, it’s got to be full of Goon shavings!
R=R – Hoping Dean Booth is doing a version of this where Jimbo’s pointing lower.
[Old Man] MuffarooApril 1st, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]
Curtis – Oooh, what’s in the vase? Berna’s lottery ticket? An airplane key? A singing frog? My luck it’ll be the damn Flyspeck Island Chameleon, who hasn’t been unseen in the strip for weeks.
Mark – With all those splotchy blotches on his shoulders and pants, Mark’s really let himself go. I don’t think the Elrodball even recognizes him, which is why it’s clearly hurling itself straight at his face at about 65 mph! Oh, and the shed’s on fire.
[Old Man] MuffarooApril 1st, 2011 at 9:17 am [Reply]
Rx – Kick-ass waitress! Her button apparently says “Kiss Me and DIE!”
Phantom – I don’t want the action to speed up. I want it to creep on in this petty pace from day to day. I’m hoping for a week or more of “This is an ex-Phantom! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! He’s rung down the curtain, shuffled off the coil and joined the bleedin’ Choir Invisible!” from Python.
Ziggy – Bad news! Zig’s looking for his darling Clementine.
The RidgerApril 1st, 2011 at 6:57 pm [Reply]
@KarMann (#245): Ditto FEJF, for me, my father AND my brother! Saying “in newspapers” was the smartest bit!
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