"I can't be the only one reading resentment and spite into Doris's dialogue in A3G, can I? 'I won't be able to leave until I throw this into the crowd? Fine. Here you go, assholes! Now get out of my way.' I mean, why else would she toss the bouquet like that, overhand and facing forward? My guess is she deliberately threw it at Paul because she wanted to make the other ladies sad. Meanwhile, poor dim Lu Ann just says what she sees. Five minutes ago, it was 'Paul! You ate food!" --thebirdgirl
Main navigation: Advertise Discussion Forum About Twitter RSS Feed Search: Main content: « Cocaine blues Worthian memories » Don’t even ask what “crankshaft” is a euphemism forCrankshaft, 5/22/11
A linguistic phenomenon I’ve always found quite interesting is the so-called euphemism treadmill, a process by which taboo concepts are denoted by euphemistic phrases that eventually become so strongly associated with the taboo concept that they lose their euphemistic quality, which means that a new euphemism is required. Take the phrase “toilet paper,” for instance. “Toilet” is itself a euphemism — it originally referred to a lady’s dressing table, and thus was used obliquely to refer to other things that might go on in a room where the lady dresses. Now, of course, the word is intrinsically associated with a porcelain bowl that you poop and pee into, so we need new ways to talk around it. Thus we now have “bathroom tissue,” or, as the sign I noticed in the supermarket today would have it, “bath tissue,” a phrase that would make zero sense out of cultural context because, really, who would use a tissue in the bath? It would get all soggy and clumpy! While this is a topic I’m interested in, this has all largely been an attempt on my part to ignore the fact that today’s Crankshaft features the strip’s title character complaining about the chafing on his tender anus, but I’m going to have to admit to myself now that this attempt has not worked out.
Apartment 3-G, 5/22/11
As usual, the Sunday A3G offers no new plot information, but does provide a slightly different take on the week’s events. Surely we’re all glad to have seen the fourth panel here, in which a wild-eyed Paul holds the bouquet in a strangling grip and proclaims his intention to take it to his grave.
This entry was posted on Monday, May 23, 2011 at 01:42 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Crankshaft. | 205 responses to “Don’t even ask what “crankshaft” is a euphemism for” Maggie the CatMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:47 am [Reply]
Aunt Iris… I almost forgot about her and her bi-layered hair. Hmm… yep, she’s as dull as I remembered.
KarMannMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:47 am [Reply]
Repost:
@Alan’s Addiction (#Y6) on DT: Huh? What’s the “ineptly-drawn minor object” you see there? Everything looks pretty good to me, even without comparison to the previous artist.
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:51 am [Reply]
And on a more current note, thanks for introducing me to the term “euphemism treadmill,” Josh. I was well aware of the phenomenon, but didn’t have a label for it until now.
No thank you for introducing me to thoughts of Crankshaft “complaining about the chafing on his tender anus.” You bastard.
PoteetMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:59 am [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (#1): I hate The Aunt Iris Hair. Hate hate hate it. Loathe it, even. It’s the only strong emotion I feel toward A3G, now that I’ve managed to get over my obsession with misplaced cheekbone lines.
This GuyMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:59 am [Reply]
Dwight Schrute would scoff. “Don’t get me started on how coddled the modern anus is.”
As for weddings, as far as I know, it’s traditional for female guests to try to catch the bouquet, while in some cases the male guests will then try to catch a thrown garter. Maybe that’s still the case in A3G, and only Lu Ann thinks it’s normal that the orange-suited lunatic bowled over two bridesmaids and three family members trying to grab the damned thing.
PoteetMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:01 am [Reply]
A3G — That sad look on Prissy’s face is because she wishes she had larger ears, like other cats.
9CL — I’m fairly certain my cats don’t secretly wish they could eviscerate me. But I don’t blame Solange — she lives with Edda and Seth.
PoteetMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:09 am [Reply]
The “euphemism treadmill” reminds me of a college paper my mother wrote many years ago about the ever-changing euphemisms surrounding deaths and funerals. I suppose that soon, even “passed” will become too graphic and we’ll start “angelifying” instead.
Jocelyn KnockersburyMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:13 am [Reply]
A3G: At least we now have visual confirmation that Doris threw the bouquet directly away from the bulk of her guests. And they all look pleased as punch that they won’t have to feign an attempt to catch the bouquet, might I add.
Jocelyn KnockersburyMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:14 am [Reply]
@KarMann (#2): I’m not AA, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say the iron is what he was talking about. It’s square in the 2nd panel, at least to my eye.
Bill ThompsonMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:28 am [Reply]
Marmaduke: Could there be a clearer illustration of the sin of pride? In fact, has there ever been a clearer illustration in the history of Marmaduke? This can only be the very first Marmaduke cartoon, unpublished until now and showing the creature before the Fall.
Uncle LumpyMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:59 am [Reply]
Now divinely ordained, Marmaduke transcends his origins as Marmabaron to fulfill his destiny as Marmaking.
KarMannMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:24 am [Reply]
5/23 Lio: Oh my. What would Freud say?
Doug PuthoffMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:25 am [Reply]
5-22 Crankshaft: Why Charles Schulz was a genius #567: He never referred to toilet paper. Why Charles Schulz was a genius #568: He never referred to using toilet paper.
TomMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:35 am [Reply]
A3G: Meanwhile, Aunt Iris glares at Prissy with narrowed eyes as she contemplates her impending homelessness at Mrs. Bloom’s return. The sad eyes of Prissy the cat gaze up at Iris in grim terror.
blaineMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:44 am [Reply]
Does the last panel of appt 3g imply that Iris is, in fact, a Bondian supervillain?
KadzarMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:47 am [Reply]
I think Paul ’s a little confused about how human reproduction works.
KarMannMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:49 am [Reply]
Today’s Girls With Slingshots is not to be missed!
jvwaltMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:14 am [Reply]
As long as we’re pondering the state of Crankshaft’s anus… isn’t it almost certain that he has a world-class case of hemorrhoids? His work life consisted of sitting and driving a bus all day. He was, and still is, remarkably sedentary in his free time. He’s cranky, which is a clear diagnostic sign. And his general approach to medical issues is to sit around and bitch rather than seeking treatment.
In context, his request for softer “bath tissue” can be seen as a cry for help. And his daughter’s insistence on buying the cheap stuff can be seen as a passive-aggressive strategy to hasten Crankshaft’s suffering and ultimate demise, his life’s blood seeping slowly but ceaselessly into his Depends.
You’re welcome.
Bill ThompsonMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:14 am [Reply]
Crankshat: It makes total sense that Crankshat would use the latest euphemisms for just about anything. It gives the obnoxious old schmuck a further excuse to annoy people: “You said the T-word in front of a lady! Don’t you have any damned manners?”
Ralph KramdenMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:25 am [Reply]
A few weeks ago, I was in the bathroom at a baseball game, when a kid with down syndrome pulled up to the urinal next to me and dropped trou, trying to make conversation with me all the while. Everything everyone is doing in this A3G strip reminds me of that kid. The fact that everyone is looking about three feet in front or behind their interlocutors. Doris’ attempting to throw the bouquet without bending her elbows. The fact that, for all we know, Paul just grabbed the bouquet out of her hands before she had a chance to throw it, and is attempting to crush it despite the fact that his right arm is shaped like a limp noodle. Iris’ dull, uncomprehending look in the last panel as she unwittingly strangles her cat a la Lennie Small. I don’t know where this strip gets off, making fun of retarded people like this, but I for one am OUTRAGED.
the grene kni3tMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:27 am [Reply]
I am an American student spending the year in England, and here, “toilet” is the official place-word for the bathroom. It feels incredibly awkward and vulgar having to talk about it: “Where’s the, uh…”
Doctor HandsomeMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:27 am [Reply]
“No, I don’t agree with you, you crazy-eyed dingbat! Now shut up, hang up the phone, and get my fucking Fancy Feast!” -Prissy
Ralph KramdenMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:36 am [Reply]
@jvwalt (#18):
I cried.
Filthy AssistantMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:39 am [Reply]
That cat will haunt my dreams forever.
Mr. O'MalleyMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:10 am [Reply]
One treasured book that I own is The Last Grain Race by Eric Newby, who later on wrote books about cycling in Ireland. It describes his adventures sailing on one of the last squareriggers to ship grain from Australia to Europe. The trade was ended by WWII, although some of the ships are still around as training ships that show up at various “Tall Ships” festivals.
The language of the ships was Swedish, so Eric had to learn all the names of the sails and lines in Swedish. It seems that a frequent task was to clean the “skithus”. The foresail (“fock” in Swedish) seems to turn up in the conversation quite frequently also.
This fascinating book (Scandinavian Influence ON SOUTHERN LOWLAND SCOTCH) turned up during my search. In case you can’t figure out what a “skithus” is.
I have to agree with Crankshaft, though. Life is too short to put up with abrasive toilet paper. It’s possible to be green without sacrificing comfort of one’s nether regions.
The Newby book is a good read if you’re at all interested in nautical matters.
teenchyMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:19 am [Reply]
@jvwalt (#18): He still gets out of the house; he can buy his own damned toilet paper. But of course he’s enough of an asshole (literally and figuratively) to leave his family stranded. Passive-aggressive daughter should hide the next pack she buys and leave him a stack of newspapers.
KiboMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:21 am [Reply]
I always buy the “facial quality” toilet paper. This is because you can only save 1.3 cents per case buying “ass quality” toilet paper. Fun fact: Modern newspaper comics are printed on paper that’s below ass quality.
gleebMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:30 am [Reply]
H&L: An infant is going to die from exposure, and it’s funny!
Rocky StoneaxeMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:45 am [Reply]
@wholesale cheap toilet paper (#25):
Ed Crankshaft’s daughter would like to buy a gross!
BethBMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:09 am [Reply]
And Paul’s fate is sealed. While there is no hope for him maybe someone can still rescue Prissy from the indignities of Iris’ Blofeld impression.
Little GuyMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:18 am [Reply]
Luann: Getting popcorn, dialing snark up to eleventy…..
Big Nate: Godfrey is going to give the grandparents detention by the end of the week.
LorneMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:39 am [Reply]
That’s not a bouquet!
DairyStateDadMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:41 am [Reply]
@Poteet (#7): on Euphemisms for Death:
believe it or not I heard someone speaking in church a few years ago about her mother having just “transitioned.”
(And this was a UU church, just to be clear.)
wandersMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:42 am [Reply]
MW: Drew, don’t ‘go’ on the hospital wall! There’s a ‘bath’ down the hall.
Vince MMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:48 am [Reply]
MT: Should be an easy setup for the clean-cut kids – the first person I’d suspect in an electronics store theft is the hermit who lives in the deep woods.
MargaretMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:58 am [Reply]
It’s kind of strange that hooligan children are, clearly, by grand comics-writer convention, no longer okay (Those damn kids! This is a serious problem!) but it is perfectly okay to protray asshole seniors? Doesn’t that alienate their largest demographic? Or do they identify with it? “Oh, Maude, there totally IS always THAT guy in the senior home, won’t stop talking about his toilet paper. Harold be hate hate hatin’.”
sporknporkMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:00 am [Reply]
A3G: Greatest Sunday strip this year. Not only does one wedding guest get so disgusted at drawn out wedding reception that she proclaims out loud to everyone else it is “time for us to go now”, but also Iris is preparing to euthanize a very sick cat against its will. Just look at her eyes. It’s gonna hurt!
bartcowMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:03 am [Reply]
To piggyback on #15 (blaine): I like to imagine that the strip was chugging along, boring as usual, when suddenly in the last panel, BAM! Iris finally breaks out the vaguely Eastern European accent.
Maybe I just like imagining Donald Pleasance saying “Prissy”.
Vince MMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:10 am [Reply]
@bartcow (#39): I’m certainly hearing a Dr. Evil music sting there.
DoodMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:18 am [Reply]
Look at the rest of the shopping list: “bread, milk, orange juice, cat food.” That’s everything Crankshaft needs.
JessyMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:36 am [Reply]
A3G: “And Prissy agrees!” Oh really? I have never seen a more dubious-looking cat.”
DanMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:37 am [Reply]
5/23 Jumble: “After seeing him on TV, Jumble artist Jeff Knurek did this.” Let’s see here… Drew… Drew Carey. He did Drew Ca- uh. Hmm.
JessyMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:38 am [Reply]
Errrr . . . that last quotation mark just jumped onto the page.
LUJBEM FEJFMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]
@Dan (#43): Hey Now! Well, he does looks really good now. But that’s not what it means. You people, get your mind out of the gutter.
JessyMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]
@KarMann (#2): @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#9): And if we are talking about the iron, it’s really not a bad representation of the pre-electric kind of iron that had to be heated on a wood stove. And of course, that’s the only kind of iron that B.O. and Sparkle would have.
JessyMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:53 am [Reply]
@Jessy (#46): I mean Gertie, not Sparkle. Sheesh. Time for another cup of john . . . I mean joe.
Mole Man FanMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (YY#214) re: laptop question: Yes, using a restore CD will totally wipe out whatever’s on the laptop, which means spending a ton of time and trouble reinstalling everything, including the OS, hardware drivers, service packs, patches, anti-virus, anti-spyware, and all your apps.
A fresh start is preferred, but, if the laptop already has the apps you want to use, it may be easier to just give it a tuneup via selective uninstalls and deletions, cache and Registry cleaning, defragging, and full anti-virus/anti-spyware scans. CCleaner and Defraggler are two free maintenance apps with good reps, can handle most of these tasks. Those and many more apps are available at filehippo.com.
Can’t think of a comics tie-in for any of this, back to lurking…
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]
Frazz: d’awww. I am somehow reminded of a RenFest act, the Limey Birds, whose performers were Faith, Charity, and Bunny. (“This act has no Hope.”)
A&J: d’awwwwww! I agree with Arlo.
Lio: yay! more Eva! Somewhere, Count Weirdly is plotting to steal that device. (rather Suessian, at second glance.)
awright, who broke the Chron?!?
Luann: she’s telling Quill her jilling technique??
Mutts: heeee!
6Cx: what, no captions?!?
on the webcomic front, GWS takes a slice out of FC in a truly hysterical fashion. I think many ‘mudges will get a kick out of it. I’m looking forward to seeing what other ‘classics’ Danielle takes a chunk out of this week.
Mark BMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]
Today’s Mary Worth has a flashback where he talks about not wanting to break another heart. But the art shows part of Dawn’s neck missing, so that’s probably not all he broke. Or maybe it’s just really crappy artwork.
Mark BMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:02 am [Reply]
Prissy is drawn to look more like a marmoset than a cat. I think Iris is pulling a fast one on her landlord.
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]
Josh: “We now have … ‘bath tissue,’ a phrase that would make zero sense out of cultural context because, really, who would use a tissue in the bath? It would get all soggy and clumpy.”
True, but I imagine they don’t have to set the bar terribly high to reach their target demographic: people who combine having a nice hot bath and taking a shit while in it.
exapnoMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]
BB: An almost total repeat from October 2, 1975 – can’t find it online, but its in a BB book I have. The only difference is that the earlier one was a tribute to Groucho on his 85th birthday, and all the masks were Groucho masks!
And I can’t believe I am actually looking at Dick Tracy EVERY day to see the outcome of the Biscuit Blow Caper!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:10 am [Reply]
darnit. I was going to make a joke about today’s F-, decided it was too mediocre, (joke and strip) but still managed to earworm myself with early 80’s synthpop. The video was still awesome, darnitall.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:10 am [Reply]
Liberty Meadows — Tony gets Tex Averied:
http://www.creators.com/comics/liberty-meadows.html
Pseudo3DMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]
Oh no, the Chron is broken!
FW is nauseating, as usual, as the “sleazy womanizer” side of Les’s personality shines today.
MW has a flashback, but to Drew and Dawn, something I missed. Perhaps you remember?
Pseudo3DMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:17 am [Reply]
DT: Dick appears to be holding a sign that says “Evidence Bag”. But I think that may just be the seatbelt.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
Mysteriously abbreviated selection today. Maybe the Chron is getting rid of the deadwood. Hm… Naah!
Mary – Drew, Drew, stop beating yourself up! Dawn attacked you because you were too close to her food dish, that’s all.
Slylock cleverly threw Max to the monster and got the computer while it was still sucking the marrow from his leg bones.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]
Spider-Man – “What you want is wrong — Evil!”
Oh, crap. Now Martine’s going to spend the next thirty strips explaining Objectivism to Morbius.
Josh – Don’t forget “comfort tissue” and “family tissue,” a couple of euphemisms that didn’t make the final cut and went away years ago. But in a world where animated ads depict bears (ha ha) with bits of TP sticking to their furry bear asses, I think Euphemism itself is sadly coughing up blood.
(And I’ve long said (here, even) that “crank” is a dick, and “shaft” is the part between the head and the balls. No mystery there.)
Mark BMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#56): I think it’s Junior that’s hit on hard times. Laid off from the police force, he’s taken up sign spinning. The ‘Evidence Bag’ is a fast food chain that caters mainly to law enforcement types.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]
5-23 Weird Sound Effect(s):
Safe Havens — HONK HONK
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:27 am [Reply]
Golden Thought of the Day.
Wimbleton otter.
I .gif you stampeding puppies!
Corgi yearbook photo.
anonMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]
If I ever go to England, I don’t want to hear “the toilet is down the hall”. I expect to hear, “the W.C. (or the water closet) is down the hall”. I will be very disappointed to be directed to Tha Shitter, i.e., Tha Toilet. What if I just want to freshen up my makeup instead of taking a dump?…
That is the ugliest, worst drawn cat in the history of comics, and that includes the cat in FBoFW. What IS that thing?
JessyMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]
FW: Sorry, Cayla, but it’s your heart pounding like the hammer that Les is about to hit you with . . . that his thoughts about the future only center on “Lisa’s Story.” It’s the hammer of Lisa, which means that if you are smart, you will start ringing the bell of freedom.
JessyMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#61): Squeee! Love the stampeding puppies!
Esther BlodgettMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]
FW: Himself, Cayla. Les is thinking about himself. You really haven’t bothered to get to know this guy very well, have you?
Also, Batiuk spent so much time lovingly rendering the Pensive Artiste face on his avatar today that when it came time to draw the rest of him, he thought “screw it” and gave Les the arm of a GI Joe with Kung-Fu Grip.
BootsyMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#55):
A few years ago, Dr. Drew was a dashing handsome doctor-about-town. He met Dawn the 30 year old internet-addicted college student with Daddy issues. I think they went on like two dates, riding horses or playing with her My Pretty Pony collection or something. At the SAME TIME, Mary had one of those transient neighbors that Charterstone oozes from its Escher-like brick walls, a blond pony-tailed chick with brother issues. No, not the ice skating blond pony-tailed chick, the other one. Named Vera. Drew also met her about the same time and went on a couple dates with her too. Like the clueless idiot he is, he took Vera pony riding at the same place Dawn frequented. Because dating is allowed by Mary only if it leads in a straight line to the altar, and no on is allowed to casually date two people at the SAME TIME, Drew was found out and Dawn took a poke at him. It wasn’t like she shoved her arm through the back of his head or anything. I mean, she’s no Coach Kaz, despite her unfortunate haircut. I think Vera went back to her brother.
Mary meddled Drew off to the Peace Village in Vietnam or Cleveland or someplace, from whence he was allowed to return only for his sister’s lame wedding, for him to Learn His Lesson About How to Do It Correctly. Which it’s obvious, he has not.
Or something.
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#58): “(And I’ve long said that ‘crank’ is a dick)”
A bit of vernacular much beloved by Cap’n Pissgums.
@Jessy (#63): “It’s the hammer of Lisa, which means that if you are smart, you will start ringing the bell of freedom”
If I’m smart, I’m praying that the hammer of Lisa will start ringing the bell of epidural hemorrhage.
KarMannMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#65): On the bright side for Cayla, such as it is, thinking about himself is what really gets Les hot & bothered.
Esther BlodgettMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]
MT: Mark can’t understand why someone would make himself comfortable. Mark’s life is made up of starched shirts, head wounds, and fending off the advances of icky girls. It’s Nature’s Way, and he won’t have this mountain man upsetting the delicate balance of the forest by living a life of simple dignity and soft fringed garments.
TheDivaMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]
C’shaft: “No, no, you’ve made up your mind to be a shut-in, I won’t force you. I’m going to the spa now–and don’t even think of setting foot outdoors, do you hear me? You know you’re not allowed to cross the street by yourself!”
FW: It’s common sense beating you upside the head screaming “Run NOW before he tries to staple Lisa’s chemo wig to your scalp, you twit!”
Luann: So Luann is the Rebecca Black of her world?
MT: Because if an electronics store is looted, the first person I’m going to suspect is the crazy loner living up in the wilderness with no cable.
MW: Yeah, I can see where getting ineffectively pummeled in the chest by Dawn’s stumpy arms while trying to dodge the porcupine quills being shot from her head would make one a little wary about the emotional repercussions of a relationship.
Pluggers: What is a geezer-squeezer, and why do I feel like I don’t want to know the answer?
SM: Martine: “Well, duh! Did you think I was dressed in a low-cut black leotard, stiletto-heeled thigh boots, and a high-collared black cape to attend communion?
Pseudo3DMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
@Bootsy (#66): Wasn’t Vera the one who hooked up with Charley, the booze-and-porn “villain”?
Not just any DipstickMay 23rd, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]
MT. Been in the back side of the ‘Lost Woods’ myself, so maybe this was ‘thrashed’ to death already, but…. Thrasher looks more like Chuck Norris than Chuck does.
Jason D.May 23rd, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]
And while we’re on the subjects of asses in the Batty-verse…
Sunday Smirky Cancerbean: Yes, Les, do that. Because we all know your pretentious ramblings are far more accurate than anything your students might find online. Screw those professors at Oxford, you know far more than they do, I’m sure! But at least this method rewards all those poor masochists who have actually taken notes while suffering through your long-winded, self-important lectures, I suppose. Jackass.
Not just any DipstickMay 23rd, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]
MW: Purple walls, Purple doors, Purple people. Uuuugggggghhhhh. Why do I subject myself to ‘artistic hell’??????????????????????
Any one of my 10 grandsons could do better, even the 3 month old.
May 23rd, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]
@TheDiva (#70): “Pluggers: What is a geezer-squeezer, and why do I feel like I don’t want to know the answer?”
Then I won’t be too specific, but think inflatable doll made of Kevlar rather than vinyl, and with a weave similar to that of the “Chinese finger trap” party favor. Hmmm, those pluggers must watch NASA TV when bowling isn’t on. That technology just recently emerged from the space station program.
TerryficMay 23rd, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]
What’s the deal with Bizarro and Pardon My Planet switching to horizontal format? Do syndicates pay more for them than single panels or something?
Alan's AddictionMay 23rd, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]
Actually, I like to think that today’s “Crankshaft” is absolutely euphemism-free, because that way I can think of the horror he faces every time he answers “nature’s call.” And by “horror,” I mean, “splinters up his ass.”
I would like to know why the flowers in today’s “Apartment 3G” appear to be vibrating in every panel. If they’re not vibrating, why are all the characters shaking them? Are the flowers supposed to be some sort of temporary neuro-degenerative disorder, like Huntington’s Disease or ALS? Is there some sort of X-rated secret hidden inside them? Or are the characters really so bland and cliched that they literally shake with excitement at the thought of anything nuptial-related? Also, I like the idea of making Iris into a Bond villain, as evidenced by her white, pampered cat.
May 23rd, 2011 at 10:43 am [Reply]
JP: Little-known fact #1: The NYPD relies heavily on PR and marketing people to help out in suicide-jumper situations, but more than anything, they welcome the expertise of chauffeurs.
SM: Little-known fact #2: A significant percentage of vampires actually end up boring their victims to death.
RA: Little-known fact #3: (And this is a real one.) The boyfriend was at a Meetup dinner with Donna Lewis a couple years ago, and she was completely obsessed with the idea of metrosexuals—kept bugging one of the guys about whether he was a metrosexual or not. I don’t know if she had some kind of traumatic experience while watching Queer Eye or something—but it’s kind of creepy, and a little offensive.
MT: “Meanwhile“? Mark was pitted in the daytime, wasn’t he? If you’re burglarizing a store in broad daylight, boys, and hoping to that folk will blame the guy in the mountains, you’re going to need some fringier shirts.
MW: Oh, Drew, Liza doesn’t have a heart. She just has a very determined vagina.
KarMannMay 23rd, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]
For those who’ve been waiting for them, the Chron comics are back in business.
RossMay 23rd, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]
Is today’s Luann a warning to us? That since we snarked on the song way back when, they’re now going to retaliate with more songs? Because I can’t think of any other group that is even aware of Luann.
elsMay 23rd, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]
What is this, Groundhog Day? Is Doris doomed to throw her bouquet over and over again, waiting for someone to realize they’re in a damned mobius strip? If so, and the “someone” in question turns out to be LuAnn, she’ll be throwing that thing til the Armageddon.
wossnameMay 23rd, 2011 at 11:01 am [Reply]
A3G – I guess we know what Tommie’s new album is going to sound like, with all those bells and whistles: Ding dong… TWEET… blablabla stupid words… clang clang… TWEET…
Blondie – You don’t plant mushrooms out in the garden patch, dummy, you grow them in the basement. You should plant pepperoni instead.
DT – It’s nice that Dick carries a sign with him saying “evidence bag,” but what does he do with it when there’s no evidence bag in the panel?
@Frank Lee Meidere (#YY206):
And a Twin Peaks fan, too!
I would venture to guess that at least half the people who post in here are Twin Peaks fans.
@Pseudo3D (#71): No, Charley hooked up with Delia? Della? Delila? – something like that – who was having marital problems with her boring husband. Mary meddled her back into compliance.
JessyMay 23rd, 2011 at 11:15 am [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#67): FW: If that’s one of the causes of the so-called “talk and die syndrome,” Les is way, way overdue.
Gal FridayMay 23rd, 2011 at 11:21 am [Reply]
I call foul on Sunday’s C’Shaft–no way he’d use a euphemism–he’s not that kind of guy. He’d say “t.p.” or “toilet paper” or something disgusting.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 23rd, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]
@Bootsy (#66):
The Saga of Vera Shields and Dr. Drew Corey:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXn944J7uvk
(A Dingo Classic from 2007!)
commodorejohnMay 23rd, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]
A3G – Take out the phrase “Dan Diller’s studio” and you’d swear they were talking about something else entirely.
Crankshaft – I hate you all and want you to die.
DT – A warrant? A WARRANT!? God, what have they done to Dick Tracy?
FW – Actually, Cayla, that’s Ghost Lisa jabbing you in the chest, trying to get you to get the hell out of there. You might want to pay attention. Or, you know, you could stay with Dead Eyes McGee here.
Luann – Oh look, the first formal, official “fuck you” from Greg Evans to the world at large.
MT – “The world is less complicated up here…you’re not trying to shoot someone and no one is shooting at you! Now, pushing people into pits, that’s all in good fun, right?”
MW – Oh, how I love seeing this seen again: Dawn with her tiny fists trying to figure out exactly how a punch is supposed to go…it makes me deeply happy.
OBH – James has a fine sense for awesomeness.
Popeye – …
RMMD – Oh, June. Never change.
SM – Oh gee, look at that, Morbius has overcome his dilemma without Spider-Man’s intervention. What a surprise.
bats :[May 23rd, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]
@Mark B (#49): OTOH, I’m pretty sure this is a new illustration of the Rage of Dawn — at least Giella didn’t rerun an old panel. Like some people I know…
Rocky StoneaxeMay 23rd, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#60):
More Weird Sound Effects:
Tank — BOP!
Garfield — ZIP
Baldo — TAP! TAP! TAP!
Get Fuzzy — TWANG… CLAK!
May 23rd, 2011 at 12:01 pm [Reply]
Today’s Ziggy is extremely dangerous given the technophobic reputation the few fans of that strip have. A bank loan from Nigeria? Will we see an outbreak of scam victims who suddenly remembered they got a loan offer in their e-mail just last week as well?
Fashion PoliceMay 23rd, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#69):
It’s Nature’s Way, and he won’t have this mountain man upsetting the delicate balance of the forest by living a life of simple dignity and soft fringed garments.
We are having a difficult time coming to terms with finding “simple dignity” and “fringed garments” in the same sentence. Not even Miss Dale Evans was able to manage the two simultaneously.
commodorejohnMay 23rd, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]
@Fashion Police (#90): Well, it’s at least a lateral move, compared to Mark’s “all khaki, all the time” neurosis or Cherry’s hideous pink shirts and mom jeans.
bats :[May 23rd, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#85): Yep. That pretty much sums it up. And entertainingly, too!
Effluvius ErratusMay 23rd, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]
@jvwalt (#18): I’ll go you one further and argue that Ed Crankshaft is, in fact, a giant sentient hemmeroid.
MONDAYS
Archie: Hehehehe…you said “a breast.” [/butthead]
Better Half: I’m kind of suprised that someone hates the Parkers enough to go through the trouble of pulling some strings and having them issued a “warning” over some trumped-up HOA violation. If this were the Lockhorns, I’d totally understand wanting to get rid of a lecherous lush like Leroy or a neb-nosed backbiter like Loretta, but Stanley and Harriet Parker? I can’t imagine them hurting so much as a fly, unless they bored it to death.
Henry: I’m still trying to wrap my mind this old strip. Most days, Henry scamps about, playing with other kids, creating minor annoyances for adults, or indulging in minor vandalism. Other days, we see Dark Henry peeking through those black, beady eyes as he stangles someone for snoring too loudy, or today, hurls a brick a brick at a prize fighter’s face, presumeably because he just cost the kid 80-large.
H&J: Who’s the honey in the tubetop human female with secondary sexual characteristics of a variety generally thought to be attractive?
Lockhorns: Shut up and eat your Elixir Sulfanilamide stew, Leroy.
Pluggers: So what, exactly, is a geezer-squeezer of the non-Plugger variety?
RxMD: Rex Morgan, MD’s transition from medical drama to Grifters was so gradual, readers wondered if it hadn’t been so from the beginning.
SlyFox: Once again, the solution relies on information NOT PROVIDED in the in the set-up or the picture. Anymore, I half expect Slylock to “solve” most of his cases through a combination of NATO airstrikes and mental telepathy.
S-M: Jonah J. Jameson on a pogo stick! One of you, I don’t care which, end the other—and this story.
Ziggy: Never one to pass on an opportunity, any opportunity at all, even ones that weren’t really opportunities, Ziggy went ahead and had sex with that woodpecker.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 23rd, 2011 at 12:13 pm [Reply]
5/23
MT: Well, it’s broad daylight and you’re carrying booty out of the front door. But if you say your dad is stupid enough to blame John Fucking Thrasher anyway, you’re probably right.
9CL: Nothing can ever really make this right, but I’m at least holding out hope that the choreographer will be crushed to death in the ensuing sex carnage.
RMMD: I take it back. Rex and June aren’t going to put Berna and Dex in some godforsaken rest home. No, those two old farts are headed straight for a shallow grave.
Popeye: Somewhere, Freud’s cigar explodes.
GA: Slim is chagrined that his Jim Carrey in the Mask impression has gone unappreciated.
Archie: If the kids aren’t interested in current events, they’re at least curious about the personal ads filled out by 50 year old divorcees.
S-M: Round and round. And round. Our last hope is that Morbius and Martine will take out the joke shop fangs and reveal that they’ve been spicing up their marriage with a little roleplaying. Although if I were going to spice anything up, I’d leave Peter out of it.
DT: Crack muffins?!? You just never know what Carrot Top will pull out of that trunk of his!
Comcis FanMay 23rd, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]
FW: Oh Cayla. That sound is your heart knowing it’s bound to get broken because it’s not anywhere in the long thoughts of the guy connected to that shoulder.
greghousesgfMay 23rd, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]
“Bath tissue” is one of those odd euphemisms that NEVER gets said outside of advertising, though, unlike some euphemisms that actually get used in real life conversations. Just like I’ve never heard anyone call chocolate chips “toll house morsels”, which always sounded to me like chunks of concrete next to a tollbooth. Not something I’d want in a cookie.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 23rd, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]
Ah, yes. The rest of the comics are up at the Chronicle. Let’s see.
…
Well, carry on, then.
bats :[May 23rd, 2011 at 12:39 pm [Reply]
Well, *I* feel alot better…relieved, even!
ChipMay 23rd, 2011 at 12:57 pm [Reply]
By the look on her face in the final panel, Pam wasn’t able to NOT think about Crankshaft’s bunghole, either. Or else he skipped using the “bathroom tissue” and she just caught a whiff…
Effluvius ErratusMay 23rd, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]
FW: To be more precise, Cayla, it’s your your papillary fibroelastoma that’s pounding like a hammer.
ElkMeadowMay 23rd, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]
@twg (#23):
Mr. Wilson didn’t want to upset Mrs. Wilson by banning Dennis from the property.
Mrs. Wilson loves having Dennis over, serving him cookies and (Hank Ketcham, years decades ago) having him as company while she did household chores. Sometimes Dennis helped her at them. Back then, most neighborhoods had a “Mrs. Wilson”–sadly, I saw ours fall on her front porch, and she had to move away and I never saw her again.
While I was less than thrilled with the movie, it did bring out that Mrs. Wilson had wanted to be a mother, and would have been a great one.
ChipMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]
…and while on the subject of Pam, today’s CS makes me sad. Her mother-in-law really wants to go out, but she’d much rather whine and be a dick about it first!
Bill ThompsonMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#94): I think our real last hope for Spiderman is that Morbius will grab Martine and expose her to the sun, which is bound to rise some time this year. And the stage is at last set for some action, now that Spiderman and his wife are both unconscious. Spiderman’s decisive role will be to wake up and watch as Martine turns to ashes.
Joe, the Upper-Evergreen GuyMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:03 pm [Reply]
FC: “Because you’re the reason daddy drinks, that’s why!”
MW: Avoid her this week, find a rabbit boiling in a pot on the stove next week!
RMMD: Rex, just take the ticket, cash it in yourself, and move to the Carribean….
Last (and most definitely LEAST)…….
Funk the Stupid Bean: As I’ve been here on Josh’s site for some time now (I discovered it whilst looking for anti-FOOB stuff on the web), I can say with some degree of certainty that today’s strip is going to generate COTW……
Cayla: “Oh, Les! Thinking long and hard? About the future? Does this mean……..Oh my God, Oh my God, my heart is beating so fast…….does this mean…..??”
Les: “Yes, Cayla, it does.”
Cayla: **Squeeeel!!!* Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap!!** “Oh, Les!! FINALLY!! You’ve made me the happiest woman in the world! I love you!!!”
Les: “Well, Cayla, I’m so glad you’re happy for us.”
Cayla: “This is so wonderful! I feel like……..wait…..you mean ‘us’, as in *us*………you and me, riiight??”
Les: “Wait. What?? No, Cayla. What I mean is, I’m going to get a dog. But don’t worry. The cancer will be pre-installed!”
ElkMeadowMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:06 pm [Reply]
@the grene kni3t (#21):
They don’t call it the loo? or watercloset?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:14 pm [Reply]
all around the rickety tree,
the monster chased the P.I.
The P.I. thought it all in fun,
POP goes the chain-link. . . .
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:21 pm [Reply]
JUMBLE: at the risk of spoilage, [*]
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:36 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#101): Yes, I know you miss them, but all those Mrs. Wilsons are happy and free out on those country farms, chasing butterflies through the fields with nary a porch or icy front sidewalk to fret them in the entire county.
The Spectacular Spider-BrickMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:41 pm [Reply]
10 attack [(Spidey/MJ) | Morbius]
20 knockout [Martine | (Spidey/MJ)]
30 command [Martine | Morbius [drink | blood]]
40 say [Morbius (acquiesce/reject)]
50 wake [(Spidey/MJ)]
60 goto [10]
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:45 pm [Reply]
@The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#109): Shouldn’t that be:
60 goto [50]
KatyMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]
Spider-Man shows a domestic squabble. Gil Thorp shows a meeting. Dick Tracy shows muffins. Dang it to heck, if I wanted to watch my own life, I wouldn’t read the dang comics.
ElkMeadowMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#108):
So most likely those Mrs. Wilsons were already Raptured long ago….dressed in their Sunday best, with the gloves, the hats, and the ever-present domestic apron.
Little GuyMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]
@TheDiva (#70): Luann: More like Rebecca Black is the Luann of our world.
Francisco ArrowrootMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]
I came to make an off-color joke about Aunt Iris idly stroking her pussy while on the phone, but her expression and the cat’s make it clear that the poor thing is not long for this world, so it’s probably in poor taste.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#86):
A3G – Take out the phrase “Dan Diller’s studio” and you’d swear they were talking about something else entirely.
In the world of A3G, “bells and whistles” can only mean one thing: a cell phone is ringing.
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 23rd, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#112): And who said you can’t take it with you! After all, mustn’t look tatty in the New Jerusalem.
However, they were raptured right out of their sensible shoes, now left hanging high in trees and over telegraph wires throughout rural America as a warning to inner city drug dealers that they’re on hostile turf.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:02 pm [Reply]
Okay, mollificent is not one to handle her own publicity, so she needs a Constance-Darling type to help her out. ((dons glasses and strapless prom dress))
As many of you know, our own mollificent (with two L’s!) not only is as cute as a button but also sings like an angel and plays the harp to boot. She’s now working on her first CD, and part of that work involves raising some money to produce it. If you’d like, you can help her out at this site:
http://www.tinyurl.com/maidontheshore
Indulge in the pleasure of helping a totally talented, non-smug ‘mudgeon without anyone being pushed under a bus or off a ledge!
((returns to regular yard-cleaning attire))
gnome de blogMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:06 pm [Reply]
This just in: next season’s American Idol final will feature teen sensation Luann DeGroot vs. Tommie Thompson (the next Susan Boyle).
Guest celebrity judge: Gail Martin.
Esther BlodgettMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:07 pm [Reply]
DT: In a belated tribute to the Locher/Brozman era, Dick Tracy’s arm is emerging at an improbable angle to his body today. And by “improbable,” I mean “Pass me another one of those crack biscuits.”
Artist formerly known as BenMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:07 pm [Reply]
@Not just any Dipstick (#74):
Purple walls, Purple doors, Purple people. Uuuugggggghhhhh.
Where’s a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater when you need one?
DoodMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:12 pm [Reply]
@gnome de blog (#118): Gail Martin? She’s the rock-and-roll Carole King!
Artist formerly known as BenMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:13 pm [Reply]
@TheDiva (#70): Re:Luann: I’ll take “Friday” over “Hey Boy” any day of the week (har har.) Maybe ours truly is the best of all possible worlds.
MustangMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]
@Francisco Arrowroot (#114): Iris’s expression reveals that she’s regretting, not for the first time, selecting Bob’s House of Furniture Repair and Taxidermy to immortalize little Prissy.
Missing DortmunderMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:28 pm [Reply]
Just emerging from lurk mode to send this link for queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando. It’s from a Daily Telegraph article about Princes Beatrice’s “fascinator” hat going viral. As it features Corgis, I had to post it.
http://fashion.telegraph.co.uk/galleries/TMG8497577/Princess-Beatrices-royal-wedding-hat-goes-viral.html
Queek, I hope you get to see it before Josh moves on to newer pastures!
Rocky StoneaxeMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:35 pm [Reply]
Dennis the Menace and the Whore of Babylon:
http://images.comiccollectorlive.com/covers/0e7/0e758be1-6a43-4199-adcd-0788d957bcc5.jpg
Missing DortmunderMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:35 pm [Reply]
Oh, spit. That link didn’t take you directly to the picture of the Corgis. They’re about seven pictures in. Sorry! :-{
ElkMeadowMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#116):
they were raptured right out of their sensible shoes
Good! I knew a number of them who grieved that they couldn’t wear pretty shoes anymore, and that the only things that would fit their feet were in the men’s department.
As for clothing, I know that the Mrs. Wilsons in my life were always careful not to appear in public in their nightgowns and bathrobes.
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:38 pm [Reply]
Baby Blues: Ah, at last! The ultimate threat: “He could end up breaking his bed and sleeping with you.” There may be opportunities to use this in real life. Even in here — for example, “You better be careful about what you call Batiuk …”
Artist formerly known as BenMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:53 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#125): It’s interesting to see how the art has changed in Dennis. In the link you posted, Margaret has to wear big girl heels to be taller than Dennis. Now she’s a head above him in stocking feet.
Maggie the CatMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:54 pm [Reply]
MW- I haven’t been around here long enough to know of the Drew-Dawn heartbreak story, but from what I’m gathering from today’s MW it’s looking like it ended in Drew being battered during a trail ride. Is this what led her into her deep, dark, downward spiral of technology addiction?
ElkMeadowMay 23rd, 2011 at 2:58 pm [Reply]
I’ve watched too much television in my life, but I will say that the best depiction of heaven I’ve seen was on St. Elsewhere, where one of the doctors (who was Jewish) went through purgatory and limbo (both at Lake Powell, Hoover Dam territory) and went to heaven. The people there were dressed in a variety of ethnic and national costumes, cheerfully visiting each other on the garden-like grounds, which had trees and fountains all around, and children played everywhere. God was there, and looked and dressed like the doctor, including blue jeans and a striped polo shirt.
When asked why, God said, “I made you in my image.”
“Well, thank you, but couldn’t you have done something about the nose?”
Maggie the CatMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]
So John F. Thrasher left his cushy life doing lead vocals for Alabama life as a decorated military hero to live in a cave? WHAT’S this all about??
Peanut GalleryMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]
A3G (Sunday) – Paul looks like he’s clutching a wad of greenbacks and saying, “I made big money selling GRIT!”
carbunicleMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]
@anon (#62): Bog.
Puzzled in PeoriaMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:24 pm [Reply]
@Peanut Gallery (#133): And GRIT even carried comic strips as this sample from September 8, 1946 shows.
Steve the PocketMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]
@the grene kni3t (#21): Watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets was even more awkward. The US release actually overdubbed “toilet” with “bathroom” every time but one, when Moaning Myrtle tells Harry that if he dies, “You’re welcome to share my toilet.” So they left the most awkward line but removed the ones that might have given it context.
Blondie: That’s not how you get mushrooms.
Funky Winkerbean: He’s thinking about “the future,” and how there’s only misery in store for him and everyone else, just like always.
Luann: So, wait, those negative comments happened in-universe too? Hey, we affected the storyline. That’s good enough for me.
Non Sequitur: Is that why they call ‘em “bogeys”? ;)
Prickly City: Wait a minute. Is Stantis taking the “Osama isn’t really dead” position? This… will at least be interesting.
TheDivaMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:29 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#122): True dat–”Friday” at least has the advantage of being amusing in its badness and having a wonderfully cheesy video accompanying it; “Hey Boy” is the proverbial train wreck that is anguishing to witness yet morbid fascination compells you to look anyway.
Best of all possible worlds? Perhaps not, but better than the Luannverse at least–which is no great feat, I admit, but still one worth celebrating.
Little GuyMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:37 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#117): What level of support will ensure that a trio of Burbers will be outplayed, outclassed, and outsnarked in the process?
TaggedMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:41 pm [Reply]
Doonesbury: Trudeau makes a rare mistake as Trump ‘trumped’ his punchline by announcing his non-run for the presidency two weeks earlier than expected. Also, this strip may not have run in all papers as a different Sunday strip appeared in one of the local papers, though the intended one ran in the other. Go figure..
Also, looks like it’s a re-run this week, so nothing till Memorial Day Weekend at the least.
Little GuyMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:43 pm [Reply]
mollificient’s working project: Play “Tarzana Nights”!
Baka GaijinMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]
@exapno (#52): “And I can’t believe I am actually looking at Dick Tracy EVERY day to see the outcome of the Biscuit Blow Caper!” Seconded.
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#48) on Girls with Slingshots: That’s a great concept. The artwork looks like an amalgam of Dolly, Billy, and Jeffy. Someone with a better screen than mine, count the penii penises penes on that character, please.
@anon (#62): Plan to get disappointed. All over Europe, asking for the “toilet(te)” is the easist way to get to the loo.
@TheDiva (#70): “What is a geezer-squeezer, and why do I feel like I don’t want to know the answer?” There are special websites on the seamier side of the Internet that will illustrate that fact for you for $9.95 per month.
@wossname (#82): “You don’t plant mushrooms out in the garden patch, dummy, you grow them in the basement. You should plant pepperoni instead.” Outside North America and outside of Pizza Huts in those areas, a pepperoni pizza has some weird vegetable on it, not the tasty salami we’re so accustomed to.
@commodorejohn (#86): “Now, pushing people into pits, that’s all in good fun, right?” Yes, yes it is.
@Effluvius Erratus (#93): “So what, exactly, is a geezer-squeezer of the non-Plugger variety?” If this weren’t such a family-oriented website, I’d say “pocket pussy.”
@Chip (#99): We’ve got a COTW right here!
@Francisco Arrowroot (#114): I made that joke a few yesterthreads ago. It went over like a lead bridal bouquet.
@ElkMeadow (#105): You’ll see signs with “WC” on them but no one actually verbalizes the words “water closet.”
@carbunicle (#134): Bog? BOG??? You just made me drop my scone into my mug of Typhoo. We don’t use that term in polite company. That’s half a step down from saying “shitter.” Philistine!
OFF TOPIC
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#117): I’d like to help out but I don’t want to sign up for a Kickstarter account. Is there any other way?
May 23rd, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]
Belated congratulations to Mark Trail and Andy, for single-handedly preventing the Rapture on Saturday. Jesus came to earth in the form of John Thrasher, wearing his best buckskin shirt (ideal for rapturing), only to be so distracted by all the pit-trap poking and unpoking, and the housewarming of the cave, that he plum forgot to start the Judgement Day festivities. What’s more, all future rapturing activities will probably be postponed until Jesus/John Thrasher can clear up those annoying petty theft charges, which will no doubt sap most of his energy. Only Mark Trail could save the world by falling in a large hole.
DesotoMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:52 pm [Reply]
Corck artist Bill Rechin dies at age 80: http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/05/21/2228105/crock-cartoonist-bill-rechin-dies.html
ElkMeadowMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:58 pm [Reply]
@Steve the Pocket (#136):
So they left the most awkward line but removed the ones that might have given it context.
Actually, there was one specific toilet that Myrtle haunted, although she did affect the whole room. That was the one she was killed in front of. I’m rather surprised that Dumbledore never asked her or any of the other ghosts about their deaths.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:58 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#141): It actually links to Amazon, if that makes a difference; I ended up paying through my Amazon account.
But otherwise, you’ll need to ask mollificent herself—maybe she can weigh in here? (My involvement really is just posting the link because she hadn’t done so, and I thought some folks here would be interested in the project.)
Effluvius ErratusMay 23rd, 2011 at 3:59 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#141): For making me imagine a Plugger pleasuring himself with a pocket pussy, we are even.
@ArchieNemesis (#142):
Only Mark Trail could save the world by falling in a large hole.
Maybe Cherry should try that line to get Mark into bed.
Baka GaijinMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:02 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#146): I didn’t make that connection in my mind. Ew.
Puzzled in PeoriaMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:02 pm [Reply]
@Desoto (#143): Maybe we all should honor the memory of Bill Rechin by recalling our favorite Crock strips.
I remember when…. I got nothing.
Fashion PoliceMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:15 pm [Reply]
@Missing Dortmunder (#124):
Frankly, we were not at all charmed by Princess Beatrice’s hat – or fascinator if you will. It possessed that sad look-at-me quality that really good fashion rises above. One supposes that in this day and age it is the very quality which propelled it into viral notariety. The irony, perhaps, is that the hat drew attention from the very thing that made it work on any level: the young lady’s truly, truly stylish coat-dress. That was truly a work of art, and so of course was quickly forgotten in the mania over the silly hat.
One would, however, love to see that hat perched on the head of Miss Alice Otterloop, who would treat it wtih the exact amount of mock seriousness it deserves.
littlestevieMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:15 pm [Reply]
Sunday’s Cranky: I always assumed that Crankshaft made like a bear and shit in the woods and would not have the need or desire to clean himself afterwards.
mollificentMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:21 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#117): Awww shucks, ma’am *kicks dirt awkwardly* thanks! I didn’t post the link because I didn’t want Josh to think I was using his blog to shamelessly self-promote. (That’s what Facebook is for. ;)). But I appreciate your sharing it!
I’ll try answering the other questions one by one (my dang phone doesn’t let me see the posts while I’m writing one.)
Mollificent
bats :[May 23rd, 2011 at 4:26 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#117): yer standing on the roof of your house, telling us this, too, aren’t you?
Rocky StoneaxeMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:30 pm [Reply]
@Margaret (#36):
It’s kind of strange that hooligan children are, clearly, by grand comics-writer convention, no longer okay (Those damn kids! This is a serious problem!) but it is perfectly okay to portray asshole seniors?
What the world needs is a comic strip pitting hooligan children against asshole seniors:
http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Katzenjammer_Kids&feature_date=2011-05-15
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:33 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#117): SQWEEEEE!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:34 pm [Reply]
@Missing Dortmunder (#124): heeee!
I’d seen some of those before, but there were some new ones as well. Yay Corgsqui!!!!
bats :[May 23rd, 2011 at 4:34 pm [Reply]
@Missing Dortmunder (#124): weeks later, and I’m still disturbed by this “creation.” I suppose Lu Ann and Margo should be grateful that Doris didn’t find it necessary to make her bridesmaids wear hats.
mollificentMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:38 pm [Reply]
Little Guy @138: for a sufficiently large pledge, I’ll see if my graphic designer can work “Eat me, Beefwit McEldowney!” subliminally into the cover art. ;)
BG @141: the Kickstarter account is, alas, unavoidable, but you don’t have to give Kickstarter anything but your email. I’m 99% sure they haven’t sold mine to anyone. Amazon handles all the money stuff.
If anyone has more questions and doesn’t want to clutter up the CC with the OT discussion, you can email me at mollificent (at) hotmail. And thanks again, bourbon babe!! *hugs*
Effluvius ErratusMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#147): It was an unfortunate byproduct of those words being in mere proximity with one another—nothing intentional on your part—but, as in the case of involuntary manslaughter, lack of intention does not imply a lack of culpability.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:44 pm [Reply]
@Puzzled in Peoria (#148):
@Desoto (#143): Maybe we all should honor the memory of Bill Rechin by recalling our favorite Crock strips.
One of my favorite Crock strips:
http://www.comicartfans.com/gallerypiece.asp?piece=300696&gsub=45040
Dr. Krude&RudeMay 23rd, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]
So here I am sitting in my office playing a bit of ANGRY BIRDS when in walks old Crankshaft hisself.
“Hey, Crank, old bean. Did you finally came in for that ass transplant you been needing?” I asked inquiringly.
“Yeah, Doc,” replied the Shaft o’ Crank, “I think this one’s finally worn out.”
“Well,” I said joylessly, “lie face down on the table and let me have a look. Better take your pants off first.”
“You’re not gonna poke me with a long stick are you?” quizzed the Crank.
“Now why the hell would I do that?” Actually I had thought of doing just that but I happened to have lost my long pole out in the woods. I hope whoever found it puts it to good use. “Come on, now. Let’s pull down those tidy whities.”
I used my patented arse probe and dug around. “Hmmm. I see your problem. You have can cer.”
“CANCER!” Bellowed the Crankster. “But.. but.. Batiuk is suppose to only use that in Funky Winkerbean!”
“Not cancer, you old fart. A can of Cer. You know, that mountain in Siberia. Someone’s been taking bits of the mountain and canning them and selling them to tourists. You got one of those cans up your old butt, Jocko.”
I removed the can from where it was and put it in a bag and handed it to Crankshaft.
“I have no idea how that got there.” pondered the old Mudhen.
“Well, if you don’t know I certainly don’t know. But your old booty be back to working order. No transplant need.”
Crankshaft went on his way while I’m thinking about how I need to stop treating comic characters. Right about then I see Popeye heading my way. But that’s another story.
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 23rd, 2011 at 5:00 pm [Reply]
@Fashion Police (#149): “Frankly, we were not at all charmed by Princess Beatrice’s hat – or fascinator if you will. It possessed that sad look-at-me quality that really good fashion rises above.”
It’d require a forklift to rise above that Pearl Monument of millinery.
On the other hand, the design is a natural for licensing as a new beer game. A bunch of bros could alternate between wearing it and trying to throw raw eggs through the “hoop”. If they miss, they have to crack an egg in a fresh beer and tank it.
KarMannMay 23rd, 2011 at 5:19 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#141) on GWS: “I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of ‘penis’.” [*]
bats :[May 23rd, 2011 at 5:37 pm [Reply]
@Fashion Police (#149): sadly, I think even Miss Otterloop has limits.
Old School Allie CatMay 23rd, 2011 at 5:43 pm [Reply]
FW – What does Cayla have invested in this emotionally vacant, withholding, narcissistic asshole? Dudes with weak chins are a dime a dozen, sister. At least find one who treats you well.
MW – How could I have forgotten about the Dawn/Drew fiasco? How could anyone forget that magic?
ArchieNemesisMay 23rd, 2011 at 5:48 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#146): I wish Cherry was as hot to trot as you imagine. Instead, she’s discouraging Mark by saying, “Don’t get lost in the forest!” And we all know what she means by “the forest”. There’s not a lot of Lady Norelcos handy out there in the boondocks.
AndyLMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:04 pm [Reply]
That nervous, yet eye-rolling, expression on Prissy the Cat exactly conveys the emotions I would be feeling if Iris were in charge of keeping me fed and healthy.
Effluvius ErratusMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:07 pm [Reply]
@Old School Allie Cat (#164):
What does Cayla have invested in this emotionally vacant, withholding, narcissistic asshole?
However much the vanity publisher charged to print 100,000 copies of “Lisa’s Story”?
KarMannMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:08 pm [Reply]
@Puzzled in Peoria (#148): My very favourite Crock.
zerowolfMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:10 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#7): Winkerbeaned.
Fashion PoliceMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:11 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#163):
We stand corrected. Thank you for your insightfulness, and for your always-entertaining creativity.
@Scoiattolo Schiumante (#161):
Which begs the following questions: what the anonymous person who purchased the hat on ebay for $130,000 intends to do with it; and can any better use possibly be made of it than the one you describe. We are not in favor of hazing, but it also occurs to us that Wearing Miss Beatrice’s Hat might someday become a featured activity during Pledge Week.
May 23rd, 2011 at 6:14 pm [Reply]
The first panel of Crankshit should have been of the old bastard hunched over the crapper, wiping his ass, with a miserable, pained expression on his face. Okay, that expression could be from any panel, but you know what I mean.
Baka GaijinMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:33 pm [Reply]
@KarMann (#162): “I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of ‘penis’.” Try “the entire cast of 6 Chickweed Lane minus the cat.”
commodorejohnMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:35 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#172): And minus Amos.
Doc BillMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:39 pm [Reply]
FW: Cayla schmayla! If Les pops the question then Susan is going to pop a vein! Of course, in a real Funkyverse, Cayla would ask Susan to be her Maid of Honor which would lead to an interesting time at the Two Pines Wedding Chapel.
Jamus The BartenderMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:54 pm [Reply]
Crankshaft: I honestly gotta back up Crankshaft on this one. I’ll never be so poor nor the landfills so full that i’ll go back to buying that “eco-friendly” toilet paper. Scratchy as hell. Nothing but the softest rabbits, bears or whatever for this lad.
ElkMeadowMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:58 pm [Reply]
@Fashion Police (#149):
Frankly, we were not at all charmed by Princess Beatrice’s hat – or fascinator if you will.
None of us were, but we were all fascinated by it!
Jamus The BartenderMay 23rd, 2011 at 6:59 pm [Reply]
Archie: Dear God in heaven, boys, whatever you do, do NOT answer an ad for a girl seeking a “fun loving pet lover”. Just don’t, okay? You will thank me later.
Jamus The BartenderMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:03 pm [Reply]
reFOOB: They’re having sex, d’oy. Then, musician boy will leave her, because that’s what they do. Worse than vampires, musicians. Now, vampires, they pretty much never go away, just ask Mary Jane…
Jamus The BartenderMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:08 pm [Reply]
Pluggers: I had to look up “geezer squeezer” in the Urban Dictionary, and I have a feeling that’s a phrase i’ll be hearing a lot of, just before, “shush, here he comes”.
nescioMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:10 pm [Reply]
@Doug Puthoff (#13): Ever since I’ve read your comments, all I can think of is Linus saying “Tell Mom I think my anus is broken.”
Jamus The BartenderMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:11 pm [Reply]
Spider Man: At first I thought, “Oh hell, I know who this is, it’s The First Evil from Buffy…” See, (spoiler) she/he tried to turn Angel, but God sent a snowstorm or something…. but then I thought, nahh, not with that outfit.
Jamus The BartenderMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:17 pm [Reply]
Mary Worth: Dude, don’t worry about Dawn, that’s in the past, Liza is squirrel food. She is NUTS and will send you dead animals in your mailbox if you don’t get it together.
Baka GaijinMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:19 pm [Reply]
@Fashion Police (#170): “Which begs the following questions: what the anonymous person who purchased the hat on ebay for $130,000 intends to do with it…” The only obvious activity: set it in the forest see if bears really do that in the woods. He may need to set a roll of Charmin next to it for the “civilized” bears.
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:19 pm [Reply]
@ArchieNemesis (#165): “Cherry’s discouraging Mark by saying, ‘Don’t get lost in the forest!’ And we all know what she means by ‘the forest’. There’s not a lot of Lady Norelcos handy out there in the boondocks.”
But you learn to improvise. There’s all that flapjack syrup sitting there just crystallizing slowly. And there’s Andy’s … sigh … big, hot, raspy tongue. Slow, but sure. So sure.
Fashion PoliceMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:26 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#176):
None of us were, but we were all fascinated by it!
As are mere mortals said to be fascinated by the gaze of a dragon.
Jamus The BartenderMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:26 pm [Reply]
@Doug Puthoff (#13): This reminds me of the time in Preacher ( spoiler alert, natch) when Jesse Custer goes to Salvation , Texas, and meets Odin Quincannon, the local villain/rich guy, who ” started out so poor he had to wipe his ass with his hand. But he pulled himself up by his bootstraps and made somethin’ of his life. Odin cleans his crack with the smoothest silk today.” Wipes with the purest silk and refers to himself in the third person. Now THAT is genius. Thank you Garth Ennis.
carbunicleMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:26 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#141): Pity about the scone but when Crankshaft is in the house, polite is moot.
Speaking of Crankshaft’s fundament, I hope with all my heart that this is a case of ‘writing’ and that the ‘technique’ is ‘foreshadowing’ and that that ‘complication’ is cancer of the anus and that the ‘denouement’ is a global sigh of relief that the hateful monster –and perforce the strip– is dead.
May 23rd, 2011 at 7:29 pm [Reply]
@Jamus The Bartender (#182):
NUTS!? This sounds like a job for Hammie the (non-foaming) Squirrel…
May 23rd, 2011 at 7:32 pm [Reply]
@Jamus The Bartender (#182):
YOU MENTIONED NUTS!
THIS BETTER NOT BE A FALSE ALARM!
May 23rd, 2011 at 7:40 pm [Reply]
Blondie: Dag and Elmo exchange gardening plans.
justaguy2May 23rd, 2011 at 7:42 pm [Reply]
Another arranged marriage? Oh well, I had hopes that at least one A3G character was gay. Quel dommage Prissy.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:42 pm [Reply]
@Dr. Krude&Rude (#160): Welcome back, Doctor! Long time, no comment. Have you been hiding out from crazy stalker-chick nurses?
@bats :[ (#163): Brilliant.
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 23rd, 2011 at 7:51 pm [Reply]
@Jamus The Bartender (#186):
Otis could take a leaf — so to speak — from Gargantua, an early but unquestionably thorough investigator.
mollificentMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:03 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#173): *snerk*
Bill ThompsonMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:15 pm [Reply]
@carbunicle (#187): We should be so lucky. Lisa will appear, show Crankshat’s ghost how to annoy people from beyond the grave, and then tell Les about the old SOB. Les will make guests appearances in the strip, doubling his infestation of the comics as he works on a new book about the misunderstood elder statesman and thwarted artiste who was forced by cruel fate to drive a school bus.
Dr. Krude&RudeMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:30 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#192): Crazy stalker-chick nurses? Hey, hey, hey, bring ‘em on! Unless they have anything to do with Mary Worth. If that’s the case I would feel about them like Baka Gaijin feels about clowns.
EVILSCARYMARYWORTHSPAWNEDCRAZYSTALKERCHICKNURSES!
May 23rd, 2011 at 8:35 pm [Reply]
The Rapture couldn’t come soon enough if you lived in Crankshaft’s house. The misery of having Mrs. Sourpuss hovering about, drifting from room to room, and out to the garden, to ask obvious questions about your every action, and then frown in disgust at every single answer, would leave you begging for the afterlife.
kkarenbMay 23rd, 2011 at 8:41 pm [Reply]
FW – When Cayla was first introduced, wasn’t she a strong, independent woman, a strong single mom? Being with Les has made her downright pathetic. That is never a good sign for a relationship.
Mutts – Sometimes Mutts is a bit much, but this one really made me smile.
Edge City – Oh, for God’s sake. Not two weeks of “Dustin Blieber!”
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:01 pm [Reply]
FC: “It doesn’t matter what season it is, Mom, my day always ends half an hour after I take that pill you make me swallow before I can eat dessert.”
ArchieNemesisMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:07 pm [Reply]
@ArchieNemesis (#197): Found the perfect song for Cranky and his annoying daughter:
“Here We Go Again” by Riddlin’ Kids (30-second mp3 preview)
Sample lyrics: “Your face cramps and you make a frown, and then you make a whiny sound…”
ElkMeadowMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:08 pm [Reply]
@Jamus The Bartender (#178):
Today’s Dilbert had the return of its vampire.
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:33 pm [Reply]
BB: Poor Sarge. They’ve put him on such a stringent diet he’s been reduced to eating his tie down to an unreachable nub. They won’t issue him a new one, and alas, in the Camp Swampy commissary all they carry is Jerry Garcias.
Mr. O'MalleyMay 23rd, 2011 at 9:42 pm [Reply]
@Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#104): If the plot continued to follow that of The Pickwick Papers, we could expect an exciting lawsuit to come.
CrankenstankMay 23rd, 2011 at 11:38 pm [Reply]
Ha ha! It’s funny because Crankshaft has a bleeding anus! Ha ha!
greghousesgfMay 24th, 2011 at 12:55 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#131) I remember that episode! I’m just a boring old white American, though, so I don’t think I have a national/ethnic costume.
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