Crock, 5/2/11
Ha ha, someone thought that underage scat porn used as an instrument of torture was a good theme for a comic strip! Sure, why not?
Crankshaft, 5/2/11
It sure makes Crankshaft’s half-assed attempts to sexually harass hapless customer service personnel seem positively quaint by comparison.
Spider-Man, 5/2/11
This whole “human vampire” business has worked itself out in even sillier fashion than I could have imagined, with Dr. Morbius’s fiancee accidentally becoming a real vampire in order to understand her beloved’s fake vampirism. The only logical hole out of many I’ll point out here: wouldn’t Dr. Morbius, wracked with guilt over his faux-vampirism, have noticed his fiancee’s vampiric tendencies? “Say, sweetie, would you like to go out for dinner? I’ve got 6 o’clock reservations!” “Let’s make it 9, so that I don’t have to leave the apartment when the sun’s still up. Also, they serve blood there, right? You know I subsist entirely on human blood now.”
Also, regarding the last panel’s NEXT box, it probably wouldn’t be so much a race against time if Peter had woken up when MJ first got into trouble, several hours ago.
Panel from Hi and Lois, 5/2/11
Was baby Trixie from Hi and Lois not on your list of characters who filled you with dread? Well, that’s changed forever now, I’ll say.
This entry was posted on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 12:16 am and is filed under Crankshaft, Crock, Hi and Lois, Spider-Man. | 59 responses to “” ApemanMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:30 am [Reply]
How did the guy who draws Crock ever get that job? I drew better comics for my high school newspaper and my art consisted of “ants” which were three black circles drawn on top of each other with lines on top for the antennae, two in the middle circle for arms and two on the bottom for legs. And I couldn’t even draw faces inside the circles. And yet what I drew is still infinitely better than anything I’ve ever seen in Crock!
ElkMeadowMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:32 am [Reply]
Whoa, Liza is right in Dr. Drew’s space. What meds have she been taking from the supply room?
Dexter is still up in the second floor. I think strip wise maybe 15 hours have gone by, somehow. Here, in our world, I think it’s been three months.
Oh, wow, don’t jump! Your weapons took out the big O.b.L.!
PoteetMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:33 am [Reply]
I’m glad I’m not a superhero, because there’s no way I could get any sleep while encased in spandex.
AviatrixMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:34 am [Reply]
You think YOU were confused by FW. The way I saw it, Montoni went downstairs and opened the door to a closet in which an amorphous creature holding an arrow was hanging from a closet rail, and also a small copy of the creature was lunging out, surrounded by light. It makes a lot more sense for it to be a video game.
ApemanMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:38 am [Reply]
High and Lowest: It looks like Trixie is ready to move on from the bottle to BRAINSSSSSS! Nice, chewy BRAINSSSSSS!
AviatrixMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:42 am [Reply]
@SamECircle (Y12): We laugh sometimes as a defence against confusion.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:44 am [Reply]
Tawdry? Underwear? That’s tango and uniform! You’re a disgrace to whatever underwear uniform you used to wear, Crankshaft. Now drop and give me twenty!
PoteetMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:48 am [Reply]
Even in Bram Stoker’s DRACULA, which portrayed the Count as a very non-hunky fiend, being bitten by a vampire was somewhat erotic. But Martine makes it look about as much fun as getting audited. Eroticism is not allowed in S-M, period.
PoteetMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:50 am [Reply]
@Aviatrix (#4): That’s about the way I saw it, except I thought the creature portrayed on the closet was a hideously-deformed cat. The truth was a relief.
BigTedMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:50 am [Reply]
Apparently the main difference is that “human vampires” look like Lon Chaney, but the real ones just get hotter. No wonder the “crypts of Transylvania” are such a big tourist attraction among juicy Americans that the original vamps still hang out there.
AviatrixMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:50 am [Reply]
@bartcow (Y17): I didn’t read all the comments before posting mine because I thought there was no chance of oversnark for such a nonsensical interpretation. But you saw the same thing, yet managed to make some sense of it. There should be some kind of award for that.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:51 am [Reply]
@Poteet (#8): I’m guessing Dracula finished too soon for her.
AndyLMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:54 am [Reply]
Look how much empty space was left in the signature box on Spiderman. It’s like the artist keeps hoping against hope, that maybe this week, Stan Lee will acknowledge all the peons working under him who actually craft the strip. Nope. Too bad. Try again next Sunday.
BigTedMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:55 am [Reply]
Is Trixie on ecstasy? What a day to be without her pacifier!
This GuyMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:55 am [Reply]
I’m sure I’m not the only one who thought of a great epitaph for a mansion-dwelling terrorist: “Christ, what an asshole.”
AndyLMay 2nd, 2011 at 1:06 am [Reply]
Ah, nothing indicates the great outdoors more than a squirrel in the foreground caught in the act of climbing down from a vertical tree-trunk onto a horizontal branch. … apparently. … because that’s how they always indicate it.
Push TrotMay 2nd, 2011 at 1:10 am [Reply]
It’s early morning here, but before going to work I just want to say congratulations, you got the bastard.
I’ll never forget that fateful day almost ten years ago, and I don’t think anyone in our generation will. Now at least there’s a sense of closure, and although it won’t bring anyone back, it will make it a little less hard to bear for those who still suffer.
Ten years ago I lighted a candle in front of the American embassy. I think I’ll drive by and do the same today.
Comcis FanMay 2nd, 2011 at 1:11 am [Reply]
FW: Come on. Darin is cramping Les’ style? Considering Les’ style consists of old-man polyester jackets, a physique that doesn’t even lift power-walking weights, and tentatively smooching his supposed lady friend, doesn’t seem there’s much of a threat there. On the other hand, maybe the idea is that Darin will serve as yet another romance-dousing reminder of Lisa. That’s probably it.
sakMay 2nd, 2011 at 1:13 am [Reply]
This is the adorable. Peter Parker is wearing spiderman pajamas to bed.
Alan's AddictionMay 2nd, 2011 at 1:21 am [Reply]
I hereby give today’s “Crock” strip the coveted “Best Euphemism of All Time” Award. Specifically, inserting the phrase, “suffering from disease, fatigue, and starvation” for the more commonly used phrase, “Still drunk from the night before.” Also, it’s worth noting that most of us have desperately tried (with varying levels of success) to remove/destroy any embarrassing photos/movies/evidence that we were ever disgusting or immature in our youth. It’s highly disturbing that Crock not only has hung on to his personal, wretched mementos of a (hopefully) bygone era; but that he seems to prize them.
I used to wonder about the comics page’s quaint aversion to all things remotely sexual or scatological. Now, thanks to seeing Crankshaft mention the word “underwear” and the unspeakable Lovecraftian horrors it brought to my mind, I know that the taboo is less about social conformity, and more about protecting the readership from clawing clawing off their own faces in terror.
Today’s “Spider-Man” is a treasure trove of snarky potential. First of all, Mary Jane should be VERY familiar with being drugged and unconscious, or, as Peter refers to it, “the honey moon.” *Rimshot* Also, I’m disappointed that the close-ups of Mrs. Human Vampire are entirely above the neck, because that outfit she’s wearing is easily the smartest and most interesting thing in the entire strip. I’m being serious, that bodice-thingy has a higher IQ than anyone who wanders around Transylvania looking for Dracula just so they can be bitten and turned into a vampire. Finally, I’m pleased to see that Peter Parker sleeps in Spider-Man flannel feety pajamas, just as any respectable man-child would.
I like to think that Trixie is suffering from severe heroin withdrawal and is taking her mind off of her physical cravings by chewing on her play pen.
May 2nd, 2011 at 1:52 am [Reply]
I like how Morbius’s sad face registers the dawning realization that his girlfriend almost certainly banged Dracula.
Fashion PoliceMay 2nd, 2011 at 2:17 am [Reply]
We are not certain where the action in the Sunday Phantom is taking place, but the cigar-smoking gentleman in the the leftmost panel of the second row appears to have wandered in from some American trade association convention. He also appears to have wandered in from 1973. Although given President Luaga’s taste for accessorizing in purple and teal it just may be possible that pink ruffled tuxedo shirts are quite middle-of-the-road in Mawitaan society circles.
dude's gotMay 2nd, 2011 at 3:32 am [Reply]
@Poteet (#3):
Spiderman has the original pair of underoos, doesn’t he?
Bill ThompsonMay 2nd, 2011 at 4:37 am [Reply]
Spiderman is shocked to find that his wife has gone missing? She might be easier to find if they slept in the same bed. Ditch the single bed, Spidey, and stop sleeping in your underwear. For that matter, you’re a freelance photographer, right? Develop a client list that extends beyond J. Jonah Jameson. Maybe some other newspaper would like to scoop him with exclusive pictures of the latest monster to threaten the city. Either that or admit you enjoy being his photobitch.
Bill ThompsonMay 2nd, 2011 at 4:43 am [Reply]
Crankshat’s problem isn’t that he’s confused by the spelled-out military alphabet. It isn’t that he was in the military when it was T was Tare instead of Tango and U was Union instead of Uniform. The real problem is that when he was in the military, he was a centurion and the Roman alphabet didn’t have the letter U. It still trips him up.
KarMannMay 2nd, 2011 at 6:09 am [Reply]
Well, quite the timing for Doonesbury today!
KarMannMay 2nd, 2011 at 6:18 am [Reply]
Looks like Bob Weber Sr. decided to borrow a bit of art from Bob Weber Jr. in today’s Moose & Molly. [*] So, how many symmetries can you find?
FireflyMay 2nd, 2011 at 6:27 am [Reply]
Is it normal for female vampires to wear stripper-worthy outfits?
gleebMay 2nd, 2011 at 6:41 am [Reply]
‘bean: Creepy Les sure is having a hard time juggling so many sexual relationships.
Phantom: Guran takes unexpected pleasure in a woman’s collapse.
Slylock: Sure, it’s an empty suitcase. But that’s just because it’s a prop. These two have to meet here for their trysts because the rest of the prairie dog colony persecute their love. Slylock the Oppressor strikes again.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 2nd, 2011 at 7:00 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#yy138):
More Weird Sound Effects (Sunday Edition):
reFOOB — BONK!
Non Sequitur — FOOMP
Rose is Rose — CHING CHING… KISS
Baby Blues — SKRRCCH! BAZOING! BONK
May 2nd, 2011 at 7:11 am [Reply]
Happy Monday! Congrats to the CotW, the floaters, and the floatillion! Next week, a revamped Peanuts has Snoopy as the Famous Special Ops Sniper ready to take out Osama bin Ladin.
As promised, bringing up the rear is the Duck Boat with the Evil Empire observation by Shrug, accompanied by ElkMeadow and the Sherlock Holmes and Occam on-target prediction in Curtis.
animusMay 2nd, 2011 at 7:13 am [Reply]
Is it normal for female vampires to wear stripper-worthy outfits?
Yes. I’ve seen it in a lot of films.
Little GuyMay 2nd, 2011 at 7:14 am [Reply]
Actually, this is the dead-on call by ElkMeadow.
SpundeMay 2nd, 2011 at 7:26 am [Reply]
Judge Parker: Even Judge Parker must be stunned at the level of smugness it takes to, while standing on a rooftop preparing to jump, begin your name with “Dr.”
PatrickMay 2nd, 2011 at 7:27 am [Reply]
That’s a heck of a lot of set-up panels in Crankshaft for such a lame joke. Gotta give it to the artist, though. Every angle of Crankshaft’s head has been lovingly rendered.
Peanut GalleryMay 2nd, 2011 at 7:33 am [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#7): In that case, he should have said “niner”.
Krazy KatMay 2nd, 2011 at 7:45 am [Reply]
Good thing Peter was wearing his Spiderman PJs!
Peanut GalleryMay 2nd, 2011 at 8:03 am [Reply]
@Little Guy (#31): Expect variations on this gag to be showing up everywhere immediately. But don’t expect comments to appear in the comic strips until a couple of months from now!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 2nd, 2011 at 8:13 am [Reply]
IP: yeah, chimps get like that when they get older.
JS: *obvious “Young and the Restless” comment here.*
Bizarro: NICE!!!
JUMBLE: wouldn’t you like to ride in my beautiful, my beautiful balloon.
Mutts: o dear, another week of Shelter Stories. *puts on heart armor*
PBS: I feel your pain, Pig.
RwO: tiny lettering WIN! (you do realize that is Les and Cayla after the next timejump.)
6Cx: updated pee mail joke, how current.
Zits: mmmmm, snickerdoodles. . . .:-)~~~
SB: *dies laughing*
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 2nd, 2011 at 8:21 am [Reply]
@Firefly (#28):
yes.
(nsfw)
KarMannMay 2nd, 2011 at 8:32 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#39): Your SB is Speed Bump, not Strange Brew, right? If so, hell yeah, me too. :)
mvgMay 2nd, 2011 at 8:36 am [Reply]
Peanuts: When did Charlie Brown move to Westview?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 2nd, 2011 at 8:46 am [Reply]
epic happy pup.
they see me rollin.
bellehbellehbelleh! (as demonstrated here.)
rhapsosqui in blue.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 2nd, 2011 at 8:47 am [Reply]
@KarMann (#41): yes, Speed Bump it is. :-)
frothyMay 2nd, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]
“Ha ha, someone thought that underage scat porn used as an instrument of torture was a good theme for a comic strip! Sure, why not?”
It’s not being used as an instrument of torture at all. It’s being used as a source of entertainment for the men, to boost their morale. Those guys are the soldiers, not the prisoners. Crock’s idea is that the men would like to see these so that they can point and laugh at them, not be tortured by them.
RhekaridMay 2nd, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]
So, blankets are Spider-Man’s kryptonite? “Too heavy and warm! Can’t…move! Desire to save lives, fading! Must help MJ….hey, is that a potato chip between the cushions? *crunch*”
ElkMeadowMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#y8):
Even in Bram Stoker’s DRACULA…. being bitten by a vampire was somewhat erotic.
Somewhat erotic? SOMEWHAT?! What edition did you read? The Illustrated Children’s Classics?
Poor ThompsonMay 2nd, 2011 at 12:37 pm [Reply]
I’m not sure what to think about the fact that in the Marvel universe having a medical condition automatically leads to one becoming a super hero or villian. I have Tourette’s Syndrome, so I’m trying to come up with a good name for myself in case I ever move there. Unfortunately, “The Tick” is already taken.
That Library NutMay 2nd, 2011 at 1:15 pm [Reply]
Trixie will eventually have that exact same face and say that exact same thing when she is infected with the zombie virus. “Chip certainly tastes…CHEWY!”
Black DrazonMay 2nd, 2011 at 1:19 pm [Reply]
Oh, good. Crock is Marvin in the future, leading the foreign legion to war in the desert without outdated equipment and no food. Everything makes way more sense now, to be honest.
Is Mary Jane in trouble again? After the mainstream SM was made a single man again, did they make sure they only hired people at Marvel that think “marriage” is a synonym for “constantly kidnapped ad nauseum”? Don’t get me wrong, they deserve work too, and couldn’t have found a happier home.
RoktoberMay 2nd, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]
“From you Morbius! I learned about vampirism from watching you!”
Parents who indulge in vamprism have children who indulge in vampirism. Talk to your kids about being an unholy creature of the night before its too late.
Hamburger CheesedoodleMay 2nd, 2011 at 2:23 pm [Reply]
Spider Man: http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/2088/yeahnothanks.jpg
Mysterious shirtless lawyerMay 2nd, 2011 at 2:38 pm [Reply]
“Also, regarding the last panel’s NEXT box, it probably wouldn’t be so much a race against time if Peter had woken up when MJ first got into trouble, several hours ago.”
Yeah, but then we wouldn’t get to see MJ drugged and unconscious, with her skirt half-way up her thighs. For someone who lives in Baltimore, that must be pretty close to heaven.
Victor VonMay 2nd, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]
“I live again… as a vampire… therefore, this sexy Halloween costume was my only choice. Available from Target.com, $49.95.”
calibanMay 2nd, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]
How come I Can’t See You In My Mirror? Great rock ‘n’ roll.
Johnny QMay 2nd, 2011 at 5:59 pm [Reply]
Spiderman waking up late reminds me of the ’50s TV show THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN, where the Man of Steel always arrived to save the day not one second earlier than he had to.
LiamMay 2nd, 2011 at 10:16 pm [Reply]
Hi and Lois-Run, Trixie’s got a taste for human blood.
OwenMay 3rd, 2011 at 6:13 am [Reply]
@#13
I was personally thinking that the Spider-Man credit box was a template designed to include credit for Stan Lee and whichever artist happened to be saddled with the job on any given Sunday – but that the current artist flat out refused to have their name associated with this abomination.
GregMay 3rd, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]
She’s a vampire now, but I’m glad to see she has the good taste to wear a pearl necklace. Very classy.
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