"Wait a minute! It has been amply demonstrated that Liza does not love Mountview Hospital. Are we to understand that she is a mug thief along with everything else?" --Violet
Main navigation: Advertise Discussion Forum About Twitter RSS Feed Search: Main content: « Hirsute nightmare Wednesday erotica (for certain limited definitions of “erotica”)Beetle Bailey, 5/4/11
Well, it’s Wednesday, and as all Beetle Bailey trufans know, that means it’s time for Miss Buxley to be sexually humiliated! There have been few visions in this strip more unsettling than General Halftrack and his two lackeys grinning maniacally, sitting two feet away from a computer screen, looking at sexy swimsuit pics of their secretary, who in turn is sitting only about five feet away from them. Notice that only one hand is visible on those gentlemen! I guess we should be thankful that the base’s chaplain at least disapproves, though not to the extent that he’s going to actually say anything non-passive-aggressive about it.
Spider-Man, 5/4/11
Speaking of sexy outfits, when Martine became a vampire, she apparently became a sexy vampire, if by “sexy” you mean “wearing some high-cut leotard-esque thing with a cape.” Sadly, I can’t appreciate the erotic vampire-thigh on display because I’m distracted/horrified by Mary Jane’s looming semi-conscious face at the bottom of the third panel. You have to give the artist credit for really trying nail the perspective right in his attempt to show the viewer what it would look like to be standing on some poor passed out woman’s chin while watching a couple of ludicrously dressed vampires have a domestic squabble a few feet away.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 4, 2011 at 08:43 am and is filed under Beetle Bailey, Spider-Man. | 190 responses to “Wednesday erotica (for certain limited definitions of “erotica”)” PsychidMay 4th, 2011 at 8:47 am [Reply]
Are all the staff members of the “Beetle Bailey” comic series perverted freaks? They might as well be.
nescioMay 4th, 2011 at 8:50 am [Reply]
B.C.: If you ever wanted to see an anteater lick a dog’s ass in the comics, today’s your day.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 4th, 2011 at 8:52 am [Reply]
PBS — Pig could also do a lot worse:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/oddolls/1228221836/
(Probably not safe for Baka Gaijin!)
Not just any DipstickMay 4th, 2011 at 8:53 am [Reply]
MT: Mark has an iron skillet and a long handled axe. NO backpacker would ever carry either. He probably has a complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica too. Makes sense to me.
MW:Uh Oh. We go from a Meddler to a Peddler. What fun.
May 4th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
Thank goodness the comics page is a refuge for the objectification of women. Seriously, I’m kind of disgusted by that comic strip.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 4th, 2011 at 8:58 am [Reply]
5-4 Weird Sound Effects:
B.C. — ZOT
Get Fuzzy — BONK
Buckles — PAT PAT PAT
Close to Home — VVVVVT!
Mother Goose & Grimm — CRUNCH x 5
Wee Pals — THUMP! BOOM! BAM! BING! POP!
(All this and a character named “Rocky”!)
Curtis —
http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Curtis
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 4th, 2011 at 8:58 am [Reply]
3G – “Less ornament, Mills!”
Archie – Gag me with a spoon! This slang is, like, totally tubular.
Family – Agghhh! Two girls, five cups, four saucers, a spoon, a fork, a plate, and a sugar bowl!!
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 4th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]
Smirky – That’s “what she said.”
Gil – It looks like Singin’ Boy has conquered gravity in panel three. Actually, in true Milford fashion, he has thrown himself at the ground and missed.
Peanuts – So Charlie Brown eats erasers. Just wait till he goes to the bathroom and it bounces back.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 4th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]
5-4 More Weird Sound Effects:
Blondie — SNAP… SNAP
The Other Coast — SNIFF
Heathcliff — HONK HONK HONK
Phantom — KA-BWOOM! BOOM!
Bleeker — BEEP… WHIRRR… KAPOW
Between Friends —
http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Between_Friends
PozzoMay 4th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]
Wow — it looks like the General and his cohorts have already given Miss Buxley a pearl necklace!
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 4th, 2011 at 9:01 am [Reply]
@Mr. O’Malley (#y248): “…the occasional meal of yellow gelatinous food at one of the many Santa Royale Michelin rated restaurants…”
I presume that in this case the Michelin ratings would refer to their proficiency in installing tires.
You know why the Michelin Man was named Bibendum: because he happily ‘drank’ nails, thorns, and broken glass. Prosit!
@Mr. O’Malley (#y249): Liza has even stolen Drew’s orange-colored drink.
Probably yamade.
@CanuckDownSouth (#y256): …yet Gunther got a special ovation for the thing…
What better way to cover a lot of snickering?
May 4th, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]
Archie – So they don’t even make the effort anymore to change any of the dialogue or artwork when they recycle old strips? Nice work if you can get it.
FW – Ew. Just ew.
GT – When I first looked at the second panel, I thought maybe I was intruding on a tender moment between Parker and one of his teammates.
JP – ‘Hey, could you hurry up and get off that ledge? We’re missing the first act.’
Luann – Why don’t you just wave a naked picture of yourself in front of his face, Tiff? It would probably be more sublte.
MT – Should I be surprised that Mark is showing more affection towards Andy than he has ever shown for Cherry?
Pluggers – Having spent more time than I care to in Kenosha, I firmly believe that it would take more than one Plugger there to come up with this lame joke.
S. StoutMay 4th, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]
Ms. Buxley turns to her left to see Halftrack and his lackeys in Panel 2, yet in Panel 1 her left is either a white wall or an endless stretch of nothing. I’d be shocked too if reality was falling apart all around me.
pugfugglyMay 4th, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]
I’m looking forward to the next couple of weeks of Spiderman, where we can expect to see even MORE of this fascinating dialogue between Morbius and Martine on the ethics of vampirism in a modern context. Meanwhile, completely unnoticed, MJ will wake up, crawl away, call a cab and leave.
KarMannMay 4th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#Y257): Archie: the 80’s called, they’d like their strip back.
Oh my god! Did you warn them? About Haiti and Japan?
P.S. Mission accomplished! Thread’s dead, baby. Thread’s dead.
Scott BotMay 4th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]
I can’t seem to face up to the facts
She makes me nervous and I can’t relax.
I can’t sleep, she texts night and day.
Don’t touch me and just please go away.
Psycho Liza
Qu’est-ce que c’est
fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run run run away
Psycho Liza
Qu’est-ce que c’est
fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run run run away
May 4th, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]
MT – Cougars (or as you say in the US, mountain lions) do not go MMMRROOWWWR !!! I lived on the Canadian West Coast for decades near a national park. (Mind you, you don’t have to be in the country to run across cougars, every year or so one or two trots through a city or some suburban backyard. One year one ended up in the parking lot of a major hotel right downtown Victoria – British Columbia’s capital city.)
Cougars make this very weird noise that sounds like a small child crying. There are many stories of campers going out at night trying to find what sounds like a lost child in the woods.
Mark I can deal with the giant beavers, squirrels, ducks, raccoons…….but don’t make the wild and noble cougar a giant kitten asking their food bowl be filled.
But What Do I Know?May 4th, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]
SM — I know that I’m putting way too much thought into this, but why did Morbius and Martine need to drag MJ up to the roof to bicker about sucking her blood? Couldn’t they have this little lovers’ spat in the privacy of their own apartment?
The Ghost Who Slacks — “She seems busy.” And effective–unlike you, Stripey Butt. When’s the last time you bombed, boarded, arrested, or even sent a threatening letter to a pirate. . .
MT — “Just” a mountain lion? Prowling hungrily around our little campfire? Well, you keep an eye open, Andy, I guess I’ll turn in. . .
pugfugglyMay 4th, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]
Pvt. Fuzzyhead knows how to get ahead in today’s army. Today he’ll show the officer staff about creeping Ms Buxley on facebook, tomorrow he’ll teach them how to send anonymous obscene e-mails, and he’ll round off the week with a seminar on the use of remote webcams and how to hide them in bathroom stalls. And next week it’ll be Captain Fuzzyhead, sir!
thegatwickviewMay 4th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
Re: fw: my tummy hurts
AustriaMay 4th, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]
@Johnny Longtorso (#5): Remember that comic strips are mostly stuck in the 1950s. The women’s rights movement is something foreign and unsettling to them.
Arch: OLD ARTIST! I knew it! I knew it!!!!
Curtis: Chutney is Kagura. Hug her, Curtis…she’ll turn into a boar, and then she won’t be able to hit you with the broom anymore.
FW: See, Keesha knows what’s up. Maybe she’ll become a voice for the rest of us.
Zits: Ah, it’s like a flashback to the good old days…*basks*
Rocky StoneaxeMay 4th, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#11):
You know why the Michelin Man was named Bibendum: because he happily ‘drank’ nails, thorns, and broken glass. Prosit!
Any relation to Justin Biebendum?
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipL-v7U8xVE99D5BejfN6Qeih0R15NQjQslzNao64Nt29Dvj6zOMCpupx_62GSVI5T7QKd-4ZC1IC6jqpBjhc-Y2FCzTpPr37ZyJZA-9MCeU1BIYB1sJUyNRC8KLwKxjmsFMsLhuJcjbNX/s1600/Justin-looks-a-tad-confused-P-3-justin-bieber-9302351-406-410.jpg
bunivasalMay 4th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]
And I knew exactly where to find them on Facebook. Miss Buxley, I don’t know your first name, but I’ll treat you like a princess if you just let me touch your face.
DoodMay 4th, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]
OK, Martine, so if I understand you correctly, vampires think less of humans than humans think of beasts? Let’s be clear on this.
Esther BlodgettMay 4th, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#y259): D’aaaaawwww! And you killed a thread for her and everything! Thanks!
Scott BotMay 4th, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]
BB – The chaplain has a disapproving frown, yet he told the soldier (private, lieutenant? I can’t tell) that he was going to get a promotion for his actions? I guess I don’t get it. I could just assume the chaplain was being sarcastic, but sarcasm is way, way too sophisicated a concept for Beetle Bailey. I guess I’ll just go with my original assumption that today’s strip is just plain stupid.
OavisMay 4th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]
So the guy who looks and acts like a vampire actually isn’t one? And if he was a vampire, would he still have to spend twenty-five minutes each morning (or evening) shaving that complicated pattern into his beard?
Chip WhittleMay 4th, 2011 at 9:37 am [Reply]
Barney Google: It would depress me too much to actually look this up–I’m feeling bad enough for remembering this much– but wasn’t there a sequence a couple months back about Lureen being newly married? Why is she talking about wanting to get married today?
Henry: “‘Measles’ is my new dog! And here’s my cat, ‘Infantile Paralysis’! And did you see my guinea pig, ‘Mister Squeakers M. Spanish Influenza’?”
Mandrake: “Hellooooo majik nayboor!”
The trouble with finding an alligator in Mandrake’s swimming pool is how do you know if it’s one of his super-duper-top-secret protection security alligators or one that’s been dropped by the bad guys?
Mark Trail: “We’ve camped in beautiful places like this before, Andy! … Relax, Andy, it’s just a mountain lion … nothing for us to worry about! Oh, Andy, isn’t it cute how it’s ripping your face off? You know, many species are able to regenerate ripped-off faces! No, Andy, you’re not one of them, and turns out neither was Rusty! Learned that the hard way.”
Mary Worth: You know, the three-hour wait for dinner has just made those plates of Rusted Metal Cutlets the more delicious.
I wonder what the Mary Worth cook book looks like. I’m guessing it’s a vaguely book-like shape in an unnatural color.
Esther BlodgettMay 4th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]
MW: Drew, if you’d just say that thought balloon out loud, you’d spare all of us several weeks of very annoying stalking.
MT: Reminds me of the old joke: “I don’t have to outrun the mountain lion, Andy. I just have to outrun you.”
S-M: I guess Martine goes to the same aerobics class as Veronica over in Archie. Rad cape, by the way.
FW: The Marx Brothers did this a whole lot better in A Night at the Opera.
pugfugglyMay 4th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]
@Dood (#24):
Either that or Vampires are less similar to humans than humans are to beasts…or maybe that to vampires, the order of importance in creatures goes vampire>beast>human, whereas for humans it’s human>vampire>beast…?
Sounds like the SATs: Humans are to Beasts as Vampires are to ________
Chyron HRMay 4th, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]
9 Chickweed Lane – Great, a work that just goes tediously around and around, adding in more and more parts but never actually showing any progression forward. And they’re going to play Ravel’s Bolero.
Scott BotMay 4th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]
RMMD – ‘And unless you also want to explain to the fashion police about that horrible yellow shirt/green tie and matching pants combination.’
Maggie the CatMay 4th, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]
“Relax, Andy, it’s just a mountain lion! Nothing for us to worry about! I’ll just punch it if it comes near!”
DoodMay 4th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]
I just hope Spidey brings a bicycle pump so he can air up MJ when he gets there.
Doctor HandsomeMay 4th, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]
“Humans are less to us than beasts are to them! For example, it wouldn’t even occur to any human to force beasts to watch this idiotic storyline play out! Their compassion is their weakness!”
ArchieNemesisMay 4th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]
Mark Trail just lost all mountain man credibility. Mountain lions are the one predator that you should be afraid of. A few years ago, in the densely populated area where I live, a mountain lion killed a mountain biker on a residential trail, and spent several days snacking on him in the bushes before trying it again, this time in broad daylight with several witnesses who rescued the poor girl, literally from the jaws of the puma. Bears, coyotes, and even rattlesnakes flee in the presence of man, but mountain lions are smart, resentful of your presence, fast, and furious.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 4th, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]
yesterthread.
all my funny seems so far away.
Josh has posted so I fade away.
I just slaughtered yesterthread.
[*]
Esther BlodgettMay 4th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]
@ArchieNemesis (#36): “…mountain lions are smart, resentful of your presence, fast, and furious.”
Take away the smart, and mountain lions are Vin Diesel.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 4th, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]
MW: I see that Santa Royale Hospitale has figured out what to do with those extra urine samples.
JP: I’m not worried about Doc Weaponry; with that huge updraft, it will take her three days to hit the sidewalk.
MT: Aw, so Mark and John Thrasher are going to “meet cute” when John saves him from the mountain lion.
BB: I guess now we know who’s left-handed—and who’s ambidextrous.
A3G: So the big, risky project is redesigning an art gallery? Have Bald and Balder, Architects, mainly done closet reorganizing up until now?
Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts:May 4th, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]
BB: Mort Walker and his scribble factory have toned down the sexism a bit. Many of you are familiar with the paperback back book, Miss Buxley Sexism in Beetle Bailey. Or you should be, you can get it on ABE.com or addall.com and probably on Amazon. In any event, my point is, years ago, this strip (which, it wouldn’t surprise me, has been re-cycled) would have showed these three dopes slurping, with saliva drooling out of their mouths. Yes, times have changed. Also, the tops of Miss Buxley’s bosoms don’t stick out any more. And by the way, that pearl necklace seems to be part of her standard attire, for the past few years.
FaoladhMay 4th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]
A group of Pluggers forgot that they’d already done an Alzheimer’s joke recently.
Doctor HandsomeMay 4th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]
Gizmo gets a promotion just for explaining the basics of Facebook to the staff? Man, if he sends them the link to his Buxley Pee-Cam he could make Lieutenant.
Poor ThompsonMay 4th, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]
At least some good may come out of this, in that a promotion might mean Gizmo will finally get a computer that isn’t a blank-screened cardboard sales prop for a Commodore 64.
MibbitmakerMay 4th, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]
9CL: Suddenly, I’m not hungry.
DT: No, that’s not Paula Deen, lawyers…
Doones: The unpronouncible ex-dictator obviously hasn’t read Doonesbury for all these years!
PBS: Which one?
Effluvius ErratusMay 4th, 2011 at 10:20 am [Reply]
SlyFox: Sand, seaweed, shark, shuggoth…
MibbitmakerMay 4th, 2011 at 10:20 am [Reply]
Luann: Oh, she’s just so (gagg!) wonderful.
Tiffany, will you please not get in the way of Lu’s gargantuan humility? Honestly!
MT: “Now, it’s only charging at us, fangs bared. Shouldn’t be a problem, Andy.”
MW: “…CBS cares.”[/Craig Ferguson and/or Geoff Peterson]
Funny… CBS is where Captain Kangaroo once worked. Hmm…..
May 4th, 2011 at 10:21 am [Reply]
BB Too bad that Facebook is blocked on DoD computers.
Chip WhittleMay 4th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]
Alley Oop: “Drat that blasted kid for showing concern! Wait, Ava got married? Man, you spend six months puttering around fishing and everything happens off-screen where it’s hidden from the audience! What gives?”
Betty: I admit that, having not participated in anything growing up, I was never inundated with “participation trophies”. Are they in fact the menace to self-esteem and shelf space that comic strips being smugly dismissive of “participation trophies” seem to think they are?
Fat Cats: Well, I suppose he could always host The Apprentice.
Gil Thorp: “Relax. It’s nothing a triple play can’t solve.” But instead… the shortstop mistakenly dives for a stray Jackelrod Ball and the runner stretches it for a double!
Lola: Monty and the other kid’s parents have fooled them into thinking “coffee” is how you say “the d.t.’s”.
ArchieNemesisMay 4th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#38): Maybe the old Vin Diesel was fast and furious, but now he seems more bald and bloviating.
MibbitmakerMay 4th, 2011 at 10:32 am [Reply]
@ArchieNemesis (#36): Mark Trail, narrating Sunday’s strip on mountain lions…
“Bears, coyotes, and even rattlesnakes flee in the presence of man, but mountain lions are smart, resentful of your presence, fast, and furious. (cut from gruesome nature scene to narrator Trail, all bandaged up)
(Tex Avery Looney Tunes character voice) WHY doesn’t anybody TELL me these things?!!!”
May 4th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]
@Mibbitmaker (#44): I believe the trope is “Lawyer Friendly Cameo”?
gleebMay 4th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#29): “Is my late Aunt Minnie in here?”
Walker of DogMay 4th, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]
@Chyron HR (#31): Ha! Will there be ice dancing?
@gleeb (#Y254):
“Allegations were alleged”? Really? I mean, I know you’re trying to mock a stylized type of writing, but even Batiuk wouldn’t let that stand.
Probably not, but McEldowney would be on it like a dog on a couch cushion.
CarloMay 4th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#7): I feel like I should view this strip on an Apple IIC.
S. StoutMay 4th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]
Luann, you stupid asshat. Leading some pathetic kid on to the point where he makes you dresses is not caring at all. This strip infuriates me.
twgMay 4th, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]
BB: Is that guy’s hand on Halftrack’s knee? Eew.
MT: I will cop to talking to my family dog in the past, but it was mostly in a baby voice, asking her who is the stinkiest or something ridiculous like that. I do not have what appear to be conversations where I expect the dog to answer, unlike Mark Trail.
Pop Goes the WeaselMay 4th, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#28):
Mandrake: there’s something about the alligator’s expression
that reminded me of Albert in Pogo.
May 4th, 2011 at 11:15 am [Reply]
Thanks to today’s “Beetle Bailey” hinting that there are sexy pictures of Miss Buxley in existence, I have to resist the powerful urge to kill myself. Also, since when do chaplains decide promotions? It’s like the mailman telling you that you’ll get a raise at work.
Today’s “Spider-Man” is all about ironic entertainment, starting with the dialogue in panel one. “No, Martine, I won’t become a vampire” says the fanged, pale monstrosity as he clutches his face with claw-like fingers. It’s too late, dude, that boat’s already sailed; but it’s fun to notice those beginnings of introspection and disgust that all of us start developing in our twenties. In that last panel, I like to think that a giant Mary Jane is rising up from below to devour them, like the poster of “Jaws.”
May 4th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]
Gasoline Alley: So we’re supposed to believe he forgot his wallet, and his brightest idea was to sneak back to the hotel, and on sneaking back to the restaurant a drunk crashed into his car… Actually, this makes it easier for me to believe the guy is Slim’s relative.
Get A Life turns out to be working about one year ahead of publication.
commodorejohnMay 4th, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]
A3G – “Uh, I haven’t told her yet. I’m actually not going to tell her. I’m going to get Lu Ann to distract her until the building is complete, then I’m going to hightail it to Tibet. Just another sacrifice for the sake of my art!”
BB – Ha ha! It’s funny, because all of the men in this strip are creepy perverts! Ha ha ha haaarrrrrrgggghhhh DIE ALREADY
Curtis – How could you not love her, Curtis?
DT – Hey, I just realized: the plaid here is actually following the shapes it’s supposed to be on the surface of! Maybe that doesn’t seem like much, but just take a look at Gunther over in Luann sometime.
FC – Oookay, when did The Family Circus make the leap from “awkward jokes that nobody would ever say” to “completely insane?”
FW – “Except my dead wife, of course. But she’s not leaving. She never leaves me. Isn’t that right, Lisa?”
GT – Ah, the “Puma Man” school of baseball.
H&L – “And who knew dad had a place in Kentucky? I guess that explains all those furtive ‘business trips.’”
JP – The horrid truth: Emma St. John was the bio-weapon engineer responsible for Marvin.
Lola – Well fuck you too. (And you only have to stand in lines if you go to the mass-chain coffee shops that serve crap. And you only get the shakes if you’re a complete dumbass who chugs the stuff down like it’s water. Idiots.)
Luann – I hate you all. Please die.
Mandrake – Did they drop an alligator out of a helicopter? YES.
MT – “City” to Mark apparently means any place with a population density of more than one person per square mile.
MW – “Yes, that’s it,” Liza thinks, tenting her fingers. “Just keep sipping, and I’ll yap at you until the roofies kick in. Then you’ll be mine, mine, mine!”
Phantom – This will never, ever get old. Shine on, you crazy sea goddess!
Popeye – …I’m just going to go pretend I never saw this.
Walker of DogMay 4th, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]
Jumb: The solution here is simple: duct tape for the broken pencil, freeze ray for the Matrix brat, and a quick escort to the bathroom for the kid who has to “boo boo”.
RMMD: Not good enough, thinks Rex, as he sends the hotel manager smashing through the window and plummeting 1 floor to his gruesome death.
Esther BlodgettMay 4th, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]
@Walker of Dog (#61): That first floor is a doozy.
AnonymousMay 4th, 2011 at 11:34 am [Reply]
Ha ha! Someone in A3G thinks they’re in a position to bring anything into the 21st century!
mvgMay 4th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]
DT: Apparently, Hot Rize changed her name for show biz; Anne Drogynous had a few too many consonants for easy on-air pronunciation by her co-workers.
ElkMeadowMay 4th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]
RMMD–The motel manager goes back and telephones Tony and tells him what is going on. Safecraking cancelled, nothing else happens until Berna finds out that the ticket is a dud.
NosytMay 4th, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#38): COTW!
NosytMay 4th, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#65): Does ‘Safecraking” involve the use of a giant, mythical sea creature?
“What’s that? You don’t know the combination?! RELEASE THE CRAKEN!!”
May 4th, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]
Don’t even ask Dolly where the turkey baster is.
Walker of DogMay 4th, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]
@mvg (#64): Anne Drogynous: too “ethnic”.
Hot Rize: Adult film GOLD.
May 4th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]
I wonder what the Mary Worth cook book looks like. I’m guessing it’s a vaguely book-like shape in an unnatural color.
Probably like this site: http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/
CloudbusterMay 4th, 2011 at 12:00 pm [Reply]
BB: She is the one, however, who put her pictures up on Facebook. In this day and age, she might as well have framed them and stuck them on her desk.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 4th, 2011 at 12:01 pm [Reply]
BB: This is the day that Rev. Staneglass officially gave up on Gizmo, and Camp Swampy, and humanity. From now on his missionary work will be done strictly among field voles.
A3G: “What does the owner have to say? Something along the lines of ‘Yes! Yes! Oh God, yes! High five?”
PBS: So just how crusty has Pig gotten that pillow by now?
MW: Drew looks like he’s going to spend the weekend seeing if Jerry Orbach knows a guy who can take care of his Liza problem. (Hint, Woody Allen reference.)
SFx: “Steve Zissou” starts with an S, so that’s a good start.
RMMD: Precious look on the manager’s face. “What, some kind of sex trafficking deal? With this guy? Well, no accounting for taste.”
BSt: Not bad for a quick Sharpie sketch.
9CL: All the subtlety of a hand down his Danskins, but it’s still not gonna happen.
Marvin: Look at that cool-headed Bernie drive… a passable joke into the ground.
FW: When Keshia said “Get a room, you two!” I was sure Summer was following it up with, “Like we are.”
DtM: Don’t judge me too harshly, but I laughed.
Garfield: Oh well, if he can’t hold the pose, you can just trace over old Garfields. You know, like the Paws, Inc interns do.
Phantom: The funny thing is that those guys in the rowboat aren’t even pirates. Savarna and another captain are just having a little bowling match.
FC: Because, Dolly, while naked Thel scrubbing pans in the bathtub would appeal to many fetishists, it might scare off the bluehairs who make up the core audience.
Popeye: No, those hairless Goons don’t remind me of anything. NOTHING AT ALL!
mollificentMay 4th, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]
I would like to amend yesterday’s snark…I’d forgotten that Savarna was present for the rescuing of Diana. What can I say? Plot details in Phantom slide off the surface of my brain even faster than Gil Thorp. It’s a defense mechanism.
Michael WMay 4th, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]
In fairness to MT, if you actually hear a mountain lion growl, you’ve probably got nothing to worry about. Either it’s heading away or your neck’s about to snap, so either way no problem. (The one time I did hear one snarl like that was when it gave up on me, after stalking me for about two hours. I think the large blue bulge on my back didn’t look tender enough to her.)
DoodMay 4th, 2011 at 12:10 pm [Reply]
The Phantom: Savarna really knows how to liven up a regatta.
UncleJeffMay 4th, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]
Judge (where the hell are Abby’s bazooms?) Parker: Why doesn’t the Judge just work out a trade.
Send the unhappy munitions maker over to “Phantom” where Captain Savarna can help her regain her joy of blowing up stuff.
May 4th, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]
MW – You know, Drew, maybe you should put something in her mouth and she’ll quit talking. What? I meant like a salmon square or something…
Luann – Are we still talking about the Miss Weenie World Pageant? Where even if you win, you smell like a Weenie.
Gilthorp – More folk songs, Mule!
Fashion PoliceMay 4th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]
“Ludicrously dressed vampires” indeed, Mr. Fruhlinger. Everyone knows that vampire social mores require Victorian evening attire for males and diaphanous nightgowns for females. No day-time wardrobe is needed, of course.
That is why, by the way, male vampires require a human thrall. They need someone to ensure their collars are properly starched.
ElkMeadowMay 4th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]
Massive baby golden eagles squee!
Fashion PoliceMay 4th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#32):
Thank you. Thank you very much for bringing that to our attention. We shall now retire to a darkened room until tea-time.
May 4th, 2011 at 12:27 pm [Reply]
FW: Just get the fuck off the porch, Les.
Luann: How long do you think Greg Evans will take this arc of humiliating Tiff (i.e., the girl who rejected him in high school?)
MT: Yeah. Nuthin’ to worry about, eh Mark? Kinda like going scuba diving with a great white shark cruising the area…
MW: *Stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk*
gnome de blogMay 4th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#60):
FC – Oookay, when did The Family Circus make the leap from “awkward jokes that nobody would ever say” to “completely insane?”
Whenever Jef Keane lets his dark side leak out.
nogginheadMay 4th, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]
More like: perspective of peeking out from a trap door located on MJ’s right breast. Now that’s erotica.
ApemanMay 4th, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]
I can see Spidey coming into the scene and, instead of rescuing Mary Jane, he asks Martine to bite him and make him vampire so that he has a legitimate excuse to sleep all day.
Little GuyMay 4th, 2011 at 12:33 pm [Reply]
@Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#81, Luann): Y’know, I’ve never seen Tiffany as an real-life avatar. I’ve just accepted her as a trope of the self-important narcisstic popular cheerleader that always have to lose.
Never employ Freud when Occam will do.
Jim NorthMay 4th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]
Whew! After skipping about a week and a half worth of comics, I just read through ‘em all in one go!
I . . . I think I need to lay down for a while. Taking in that many newspaper comics all at once can’t be good for me . . .
word-doctorMay 4th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]
Archie-Gettin’ in shape for that camp counselor job in “Meatballs II.” I’m waiting, though, for recycled strips from the “Leather Tuscadero” cultural epoch.
DtM-What an interesting look on his face… never seen that one. He might be trying to recover from seeing a pink fabric pattern defy the laws of time and space.
FC-Throw the baby out with the bathwater? Nah. We’ll just move the baby’s skin cells, dirt, and bacteria onto the place settings.
Note: when I fed my kids French toast in the tub, there was no water involved. They ate with their hands and when they were done I turned on the water.
May 4th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]
BB: I thought they had stumbled upon Mort Walker’s NC-17 and overseas drawings of Miss Buxley.
MT: Mark comes across Kim Bauer cornered by the mountain lion. Later, Mark teams up with Jack to track the clean-cut boys, who have been financing global terrorism with their robberies. Sadly, this Fist O’ Justice encounter with bin Ladin will need a rewrite, due to Sunday’s announcement.
Vince MMay 4th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#28): Oh no, ‘Henry’ is doing that “Our Gang” story where Buckwheat names his new dog ‘Smallpox’, and is overheard saying he’s going to give Smallpox to the whole gang.
Black DrazonMay 4th, 2011 at 12:51 pm [Reply]
Martine’s second panel speech only really makes sense if you’re feeding off of “I won’t [...] become a murderer.” Unfortunately, I just skim Spider-Man as that’s usually all you need to understand the latest panel of Peter Parker being clobbered by an encyclopedia or watching a Lifetime Original Movie. So to me, she was responding to his not wanting to be a vampire. Whoa, humans will be less than beasts? Sign me up!
LiamMay 4th, 2011 at 12:57 pm [Reply]
BB-Judging by Ms. Buxley’s reaction she went to a nude beach on her vacation.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 4th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]
@Batman Beatles (#70):
I wonder what the Mary Worth cook book looks like. I’m guessing it’s a vaguely book-like shape in an unnatural color.
He’s no Mary Worth, but this character does know his way around a kitchen:
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5oaoiEXKRFxV2kYI2d1nsP-G1pWM07m9ubysUuTNmbzQjzba7YQU2jGNXzJnfk7cijeckRR4eD9y_QYTQuUXZtMHIDm6Oj1PcAFDFT4SfDFVrkCJIWzyUYcxBUJqBtjwUADUXvGIv5Pyi/s1600/00+bake+along+w+fred.jpg
gnome de blogMay 4th, 2011 at 1:05 pm [Reply]
Mark Trail don’t need no fancy freeze-dried gore-tex modern high-tech camping gear. He’s old school. He’s packing is a bedroll (maybe a WWII army-surplus sleeping bag, a little salt, a little coffee, his fry-pan, coffee pot, ax, a bowie knife, a hand-line and a few hooks, and maybe a rifle. He probably doesn’t need toilet paper either. He can live off the land.
Professor FateMay 4th, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]
MW: The lesson i’m getting from this strip is that electronics in the hands of Women makes them evil. Lisa should be fying kites with her dad. That will cure her.
FW: Next the door will open by itself. Ohhhh. Cue the spooky muisc and the sight of Ghost lisa with a bag all packed looking to finally get the hell out of dodge. And then Karen the stalker will show up and upon seeing Les with her rival will slash her wrists. After that everybody will go for Pizza.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 4th, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#30):
Sounds like the SATs: Humans are to Beasts as Vampires are to ________
Ooh, I got this one! Freaky, really fang-y beasts!
ShiaiMay 4th, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]
FW: Other than the ever-present spectre of Les’s dead wife, hovering over the two of you at all times, yes, you’re now completely alone. Have fun!
terrapinMay 4th, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#29):As Mark fails to out run Andy his last words will be “I SHOULD have BROUGHT Rusty!”
Artist formerly known as BenMay 4th, 2011 at 1:31 pm [Reply]
@word-doctor (#87): Good move. French toast is great when it’s soggy with maple syrup. When it’s soggy with soapy water, not so much.
MaryAnnTheRestMay 4th, 2011 at 1:35 pm [Reply]
@terrapin (#97):
@gnome de blog (#93):
Ha, I love it! Dude, nobody’s outrunning a Newfie. Wouldn’t be awesome if History or Discovery Channel would give us Dual Survival with an old school guy and his Newfie? It’s gotta be better than Storage Wars.
Mark cheered me up immensely after Funky W. I am NOT reading Les’s wild afternoon of passion. I must find a way to block this strip for a week. I was enraged that ANYONE thought ANYONE would want to read that. Then I saw Marty Moon “announcing the game” into his flask, and Andy refusing to bark for a mountain lion, and now I’m happy again.
terrapinMay 4th, 2011 at 1:35 pm [Reply]
FW: Yes please. Get a room! Preferably a poorly ventilated janitor’s closet with an open bottle of ammonia!
MW: Drew suddenly remembers why he went to Korea in the first place.
Phantom: Savarna is busy…bombing the hell out of some Greenpeace protesters!
Luann: Oh Greg. Get over it already!
TheDivaMay 4th, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]
SM: When exactly did Martine change from last week’s brown-housecoat-over-a-pink-dress ensemble to her current “Jazzercize bride of darkness” look, anyway? Did she have one of those cool superhero/magic-girl transformations, complete with power-up music and sparkly lights, off-panel? I have to ask these questions, otherwise I’ll be forced to contemplate MJ’s cavernous nostrils, and that way lies madness.
9CL: “Bolero,” otherwise known as “The Only Vaguely Latin-Esque Piece of Classical Music Most People Will Recognize.”
FW: Any normal person would have moved the romantic rendezvous to…well, anywhere other than a high-traffic area of the house during a busy part of the day by now. I can only conclude Les’ refusal to do so is a form of relationship self-sabotage. “Gee, Cayla, I would love to put aside my saintly departed wife and move on with you, but gosh darn it, we just can’t seem to find time alone…”
Luann: Ladies, ladies! You’re BOTH hateful bitches!
MT: I’m trying to decide if Mark’s complete lack of concern over the nearby predator is badass or stupid.
MW: Oh no, Liza’s internal commentary is spreading! .oO(Good thing I’m immune!….Oh crap…)
bbofunMay 4th, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]
Tomorrow’s Funky:
Panel one: Just as they’re about to kiss, the phone rings.
Panel two: Les on the phone
VOICE ON PHONE: Les? Les, don’t get on that woman!
Panel three: Les still on phone, perturbed.
LES: Who is this?
VOICE: It’s me , Les! It’s Lisa!
May 4th, 2011 at 2:07 pm [Reply]
Spider-Man – I thought Morbius was an expert on vampirism. He should know that when your vampire brings you a “gift” of a dead mouse or unconscious actress, the thing to do is to make a big fuss over it, give your vampire pats on the head and tell her she’s done a super job, yes she has, pretend to nibble on its neck a little, then give your vampire a treat and when her attention wanders, you get rid of her offering by quietly dumping it over the edge of the roof into the alley.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 4th, 2011 at 2:07 pm [Reply]
@S. Stout (#55): Luann, you stupid asshat. Leading some pathetic kid on to the point where he makes you dresses is not caring at all.
Changing your mind about a boy is something a teenage girl might do. Luann, however, is an eternal teenage girl. She either has to repeat the behavior over and over with the same boy, or with a bunch of different boys, or change her behavior. In all these cases, she simply runs out after a while — she’s been teenagering for decades, and she’s done everything over and over, and it’s a stale, rotten cliche, but newspapers are still carrying the strip so the creator can either shrug and keep going… or shrug and bring Cousin Oliver into the strip. Whichever he goes with, it’s a contest between his fading powers of invention and the magic of inertia that keeps strips in the paper until somebody calls a stop to it.
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#72): No, those hairless Goons don’t remind me of anything.
The noses look wrong for Goons. Maybe they’re Creeps, Torpedos, or Goombahs.
word-doctorMay 4th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]
@gnome de blog (#93):
Mark was hungry. He did not believe he had ever been hungrier. He opened and emptied a can at pork and beans and a can of spaghetti into the frying pan.
“I’ve got a right to eat this kind of stuff, if I’m willing to carry it,” Mark said.
His voice sounded strange in the darkening woods. He did not speak again.
Little GuyMay 4th, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]
BR: Quick! Get Irritable Girl to toss her Leotard of Power at the *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM*
Bill ThompsonMay 4th, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]
Luzerann: So Gunther is a tasteless, clueless, no-talent geek who can’t get anywhere with the girls. Okay, who wants to explain the Mary Sue concept to Evans?
CalicoMay 4th, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]
@Shiai (#96):
Oh, oh, of course Susan the smitten will show up, asking if Les would like to go out for some pizza.
May 4th, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]
@TheDiva (#101): Let me just take a moment to congratulate you for “Jazzercise bride of darkness”, which has to be the phrase of the day.
BTW, I noticed the costume change early last week. One day, Martine was wearing regular, sort-of-retro house clothes. The next she was in that ridiculous Lycra getup. I dunno, maybe vampires just have magic powers and very little style sense.
LUJBEM FEJFMay 4th, 2011 at 2:23 pm [Reply]
Beetle- It sorta looks like the staff has reconfigured their own human centipede.
pugfugglyMay 4th, 2011 at 2:23 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#95):
Sounds like the SATs: Humans are to Beasts as Vampires are to ________
Ooh, I got this one! Freaky, really fang-y beasts!
Oh, I’m sorry, the answer is “beasts with tight revealing fur that talk more than actually kill prey”. Close, though….
The Spectacular Spider-BrickMay 4th, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]
Archie: Guest-writer for today’s strip: Brooke McEldowney.
JP: “I know what happened, Dr. St. John, and it wasn’t your fault! I shoved Jackie in front of your bus!”
MT: Oh, please. Mark is in no danger from mountain lions. They have whiskers.
ElkMeadowMay 4th, 2011 at 2:28 pm [Reply]
@terrapin (#100):
FW: Yes please. Get a room! Preferably a poorly ventilated janitor’s closet with an open bottle of ammonia!
You also need the open bottle of bleach to complete the job.
GregMay 4th, 2011 at 2:31 pm [Reply]
The drawing of Mary Jane is pretty hilarious. Is it possible that the artist himself is unconsciously projecting his ennui? (Consciously…?)
CloudbusterMay 4th, 2011 at 2:36 pm [Reply]
MT: Please, can we have Kelly Welly follow Mark into the wilderness and be threatened by the Mountain Lion? Then Mark and John Thrasher can both, coincidentally, save her at the same time! Then, wilderness threesome!
CloudbusterMay 4th, 2011 at 2:42 pm [Reply]
Oh, BTW, when I was, uh, “researching” my previous post, I happened on this from a few years back. Kelly Welly Redux. About a million kinds of awesome. I’d love to see Em Stone take over for Elrod!
Baka GaijinMay 4th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]
Mary Worth: Dr. Handsome eats like GI Joe with Kung Fu Grip.
Rose is Rose: Saleschick is smiling, knowing that in less than 40 seconds Wal-Mart’s crack security team will be here to take these grinning idiots away.
Dinette Set: Today’s strip is what would happen if “Pluggers” ran headfirst into “One Big Happy.”
Drabble: “Down and Out Burgers.” If there were a burger joint in Westview, that’s it’s name.
Baka GaijinMay 4th, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]
@Cloudbuster (#115): Threesome. Involving Mark Trail. He’s made of wood, he doesn’t get wood.
UncleJeffMay 4th, 2011 at 2:51 pm [Reply]
@gnome de blog (#93): Does that mean Mark “scoots” across the grass like my old terrier?
DoodMay 4th, 2011 at 3:02 pm [Reply]
@UncleJeff (#119): See, Cherry and Rusty? There is much we can learn from Andy and Sassy.
Baka GaijinMay 4th, 2011 at 3:02 pm [Reply]
@Batman Beatles (#70): “I wonder what the Mary Worth cook book looks like. I’m guessing it’s a vaguely book-like shape in an unnatural color. Probably like this site: http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/” Here’s Mary’s contribution to the next pool party or witch iPad burning: Garden Salad #1.
Trooper ThornMay 4th, 2011 at 3:03 pm [Reply]
That’s almost as shocking as the episode when Mary Worth turned into a werewolf.
terrapinMay 4th, 2011 at 3:05 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#113): Oh yeah. Oops!
Baka GaijinMay 4th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]
@Trooper Thorn (#122): That’s almost as shocking as the episode when Mary Worth kept her nose out of everyone’s business. Hey! That’s THIS episode.
terrapinMay 4th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]
@Cloudbuster (#116): Amen!
bats :[May 4th, 2011 at 3:08 pm [Reply]
@This Guy (#Y244): *the* source for most name Anglo-Saxon: http://eagle.cch.kcl.ac.uk:8080/pase/
(And, KarMann, you ought to know me by now!)
May 4th, 2011 at 3:10 pm [Reply]
@Professor Fate (#94): Pizza which they have ordered from their IPhones, of course. using their Montoni app to ask for a double topping of cancer. . .
CrankenstankMay 4th, 2011 at 3:13 pm [Reply]
Or, the Chaplain is walking away in disgust that the pictures are not as hardcore as he’d been lead to believe was rampant on the Intertubes.
XanadudeMay 4th, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]
New favorite character: Dick Tracy’s potentially evil Paula Dean manque
CloudbusterMay 4th, 2011 at 3:18 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#118): “Threesome. Involving Mark Trail. He’s made of wood, he doesn’t get wood.”
Duh. I was talking about Andy!
bats :[May 4th, 2011 at 3:22 pm [Reply]
I had some hope for this vampire storyline in Spiderman. I’ve come to the conclusion that even “Twilight” is better than this. Ugh.
@nerowolfgal (#17): pretty much why one of the many nicknames for a mountain lion is a “screamer.”
Kinda like Abbey Spencer.
May 4th, 2011 at 3:24 pm [Reply]
@Cloudbuster (#130): [slaps forehead] Obviously!
bats :[May 4th, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#30): I don’t think this is so much an SAT analogy as a modern version of the medieval Chain of Being. Instead of:
God –> Angels –> Man –> Beasts
we have
Vampires –> Man –> Beasts –> Algae — > “Momma”
@Cloudbuster (#116): I absolutely love this.
ArchieNemesisMay 4th, 2011 at 3:28 pm [Reply]
@Mibbitmaker (#50): I could exactly picture the Sunday strip you described and it made me laugh out loud.
bats :[May 4th, 2011 at 3:29 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#131): And speaking of screamers…
Scott BotMay 4th, 2011 at 3:34 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#131): I dunno about that. There’s always some unintentional humor in Spider-Man. Twilight not so much so.
terrapinMay 4th, 2011 at 3:45 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#135):Funny! I’ve always thought that if Mark ever learns the secret of making pancakes, Cherry better watch out.
RangerMay 4th, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]
Phantom: Our great Captain Savarna is so pleased with herself that her nipples are breaking through her suit.
DoodMay 4th, 2011 at 3:55 pm [Reply]
@Ranger (#138): Those are Savarna’s bazoom guns.
commodorejohnMay 4th, 2011 at 3:55 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#135): “Here’s the church, here’s the steeple…” You owe me a new keyboard, bats :[!
Bill ThompsonMay 4th, 2011 at 3:56 pm [Reply]
Feeble Bailey: Miss Buxley is shocked because all the men boys Y-chromosome-bearing squiggles are drooling over her beach vacation photos? I see only two explanations here. One is that Miss Buxley is a closeted lesbian and has accidentally outed herself by posting photos of her girlfriends to Facebook. The other is that she’s straight and took pictures of hunky surfer boys, and has just realized why none of these career soldiers have complained about the demise of DADT.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 4th, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#109):
@TheDiva (#101): Let me just take a moment to congratulate you for “Jazzercise bride of darkness”, which has to be the phrase of the day.
BTW, I noticed the costume change early last week. One day, Martine was wearing regular, sort-of-retro house clothes. The next she was in that ridiculous Lycra getup. I dunno, maybe vampires just have magic powers and very little style sense.
You two really shouldn’t mock Martine’s designer, The Great Gunther Berger. Especially since he now designs exclusively for super-villains:
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2SPtCrJga0CmAQ270igDgMnRlPs5fnSRSxTVG1LtXFem2jJW3UxOPngR1b8-ADxJo1KjpNn8ZyaSgDnKhGUtYPgJS2yW9WKzLLA1Y9TJ5wNUcr25QIWX1bihUNUsLhfOFzeeBB2s2fcSc/s400/Sprang_Batman_HumanFirefly_100.jpg
Little GuyMay 4th, 2011 at 4:11 pm [Reply]
@Little Guy (#106): …. Irritable Belle…..
Dennis JimenezMay 4th, 2011 at 4:14 pm [Reply]
BB – So, like this guy would be maybe a Major, if he had a link to Jenna Jameson’s website….
Is it S-M or S&M….
Adios Amigos. DJ.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 4th, 2011 at 5:02 pm [Reply]
Spoilers for both you “Marvin” readers out there: Next week’s another one of those framing gags where the first panel will show Marvin tapping away at a computer keyboard (as incontinent toddlers are wont to do) creating “Marvin’s Little Brown Book of Riddles” and the rest will consist of him smirking in amusement over the following knee wipers:
Monday:
What’s Marvin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Diaper!
Tuesday:
Who’s Marvin’s favorite character in fiction?
Winnie the Poo!
Wednesday:
What’s Marvin’s favorite piece of sculpture?
Rodin’s “The Stinker”!
Thursday:
Who’s Marvin’s favorite comic strip artist?
Al Crapp!
Friday:
What’s Marvin’s favorite orchestra?
The Boston Poops!
Saturday:
Why did Marvin sneak into the bakery?
To pinch a loaf!
May 4th, 2011 at 5:03 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#145): You had me right up to Saturday.
This GuyMay 4th, 2011 at 5:04 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#136): Oh, I find there’s a fair bit of unintentional humor in Twilight. In the movies, at least. Watch Pattinson proclaiming that “It’s the skin of the killer!” after diving into a vat of craft glitter and try not to laugh. RiffTrax does help a lot, of course. I haven’t seen any of the other movies, but The Spoony One declared New Moon to be one of the better comedies of the last few years.
mr12ozcanMay 4th, 2011 at 5:10 pm [Reply]
mark trail- who cares about the story . andy sighting like 4 days in a row.
mary worth- dr drew has the look like he wants to run out on the check and scoot back to peace island
May 4th, 2011 at 5:12 pm [Reply]
@paper writing (#148): Hey “paper writing,” write this: SPAM SUCKS.
Frank Lee MeidereMay 4th, 2011 at 5:18 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#146): Um…by which I meant that I actually was believing you, right up to Saturday, and then I just knew no newspaper was going to allow a pinched-loaf joke in Marvin — although God only knows why not.
commodorejohnMay 4th, 2011 at 5:21 pm [Reply]
@This Guy (#147): Yes, with Rifftrax accompaniment it’s pretty damn hilarious. New Moon makes even better riffing fodder, but be prepared for the absolute worst, most glaringly obvious CGI werewolves ever.
Joe BlevinsMay 4th, 2011 at 5:28 pm [Reply]
Ziggy/Zomby prepares food while pantsless. Yum.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 4th, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]
@Frank Lee Meidere (#146): You had me right up to Saturday.
You know, to pinch a loaf. To squeeze out a brown snake. To throttle a Mars bar. To lay a cable. To drop a load. To lay dog’s eggs. To curl one down. To drop a brown trout. To drop one’s fudge. To shake one down. To spend a penny. To strangle a carrot.
Well, unless that’s not what you meant. (Drat: while I was polishing this, you posted again. When will I learn that Preview is my Enemy?!)
Jim in Wisc.May 4th, 2011 at 5:33 pm [Reply]
@Professor Fate (#94):
“Next the door will open by itself. Ohhhh. Cue the spooky muisc and the sight of Ghost lisa with a bag all packed looking to finally get the hell out of dodge. And then Karen the stalker will show up and upon seeing Les with her rival will slash her wrists. After that everybody will go for Pizza.”
Only to learn that Montoni’s pizzas cause cancer, because Funky is still cutting corners by buying contaminated ingredients from a Chinese prison labor camp.
Frank Lee MeidereMay 4th, 2011 at 5:38 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#154): Yeah, sorry about that. When I came back here and reread my post, I realised it was ambiguous. I should have said, “You had me going right up to Saturday.” Still, the fact is, I was quite willing to believe that you’d somehow been given a glimpse of upcoming Marvins.
This GuyMay 4th, 2011 at 5:45 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#154): You forgot “to drop the kids off at the pool.”
Uncle LumpyMay 4th, 2011 at 5:48 pm [Reply]
@paper writing (#148) said:
Thanks for post. It is interesting for me.
Goodbye for comment. It is boring for me.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 4th, 2011 at 5:53 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#157): Wouldn’t you be eager to purchase a pre-written school paper from somebody who doesn’t know how to put functors into a sentence? “Victor Hugo was writer. He was great books writing on many topic…”
pugfugglyMay 4th, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#133): The way the story is going, I wouldn’t be all that surprised to see Ms. ‘TrueVampire’ pull out a chart of the great chain of being in tomorrow’s strip, and explain it point by point.
littlestevieMay 4th, 2011 at 6:02 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#6): I don’t think I want to know what the sound effects would be in today’s BB.
Uncle LumpyMay 4th, 2011 at 6:03 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#158):
I suspect the people who buy them can’t tell. What gets me is the absence of all but the most elementary prepositions — or the Silicon Valley substitution of “around” for all prepositions: “We need to establish a dialog around proactively enabling Sales resources around customer acquisition metrics.”
JoshuaMay 4th, 2011 at 6:06 pm [Reply]
I wonder what the current story arc in Dick Tracy is really supposed to be about. “Strange-looking parents have really ugly baby” is not a matter that requires police intervention.
pugfugglyMay 4th, 2011 at 6:06 pm [Reply]
I see that A3G blew their entire hair budget on Dan “Hobotramp” Rogers this for year, so they need at least one plotline to revolve around egghead there.
True FableMay 4th, 2011 at 6:06 pm [Reply]
When Veronica looks less like Veronica and more like Elly Patterson, that’s the day I quit reading Archie.
Uncle LumpyMay 4th, 2011 at 6:10 pm [Reply]
Humans are less to us than beasts are to them!
Plants are less to beasts than dirt is to plants!
Newspaper Spider-Man is less to dirt than … oops; reached bottom.
May 4th, 2011 at 6:15 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#161): It reminds me of how my linguistics teacher told us about Pidgin or Creole or one of those. It follows the normal patterns of a language, but uses less to do it with. Many names and nouns are simply replaced by “him,” verbs are largely taken over by “go,” and “go ‘long.” Within the reduced vocabulary, they behave pretty much like any other language.
I had some dim idea that it would be interesting to construct a really pared-down language, with one of everything, but not knowing what I’d do after that, I did something else instead.
zerowolfMay 4th, 2011 at 6:25 pm [Reply]
SM: Is this Barbarella meets Twilight as interpreted by Ayn Rand?
Red GreenbackMay 4th, 2011 at 6:28 pm [Reply]
BB:
*Bob Hope impersonation*
“Boy, talk about your wiki leaks!”
*/Bob Hope impersonation*
May 4th, 2011 at 6:34 pm [Reply]
MT: Of course Andy isn’t worried. He knows he doesn’t have to outrun the mountain lion, he just has to outrun you, Mark.
zerowolfMay 4th, 2011 at 6:36 pm [Reply]
Curtis: I really hope Billingsley makes Chutney beating Curtis with a broom a running gag.
Bill ThompsonMay 4th, 2011 at 6:38 pm [Reply]
S-M: The funny thing about Martine’s fanservice look is that if she really is undead, then her body will be as cold as the grave and her breath (or at least her mouth; she may not breathe) will smell like old blood. That has zero sex appeal. Well, for most of us.
zerowolfMay 4th, 2011 at 6:41 pm [Reply]
BGSS: I find it hard to believe that anyone in Hootin Holler eats anything as exotic as white rice.
Bill ThompsonMay 4th, 2011 at 6:44 pm [Reply]
Dick Tracy’s Flakey Biscuit arc started on the Plainclothes site, and the Plentys provided the lead-in for the crime. I don’t know why the Plentys get so much attention, but they’re part of the Tracyverse.
VioletMay 4th, 2011 at 6:49 pm [Reply]
So Quill did not go to the pageant, apparently. He had the opportunity to attend an abysmally conceived and almost unfathomably haphazardly executed parade of shame at a jam-packed frankfurter emporium and he just let it pass? What the hell did he even come to this country for, anyway?
The RidgerMay 4th, 2011 at 6:59 pm [Reply]
@TheDiva (#101): Maybe I just don’t know enough about dancing, but really, I can’t imagine tangoing to Bolero.
Mark BMay 4th, 2011 at 7:02 pm [Reply]
S-M: They better hurry up and suck Mary Jane’s neck. She looks like she’s already partially deflated.
VioletMay 4th, 2011 at 7:11 pm [Reply]
@zerowolf (#172):
Right? And “How do ya like yore rice?” is not a real question anyone would ask ever, particularly if the rice was already prepared. But you know what? my sides are still aching so I’ll have to give the labored setup a pass since it’s in the service of such a terrific gag.
Jamus The BartenderMay 4th, 2011 at 7:15 pm [Reply]
FC: Wasn’t this an episode of Seinfeld? Kramer decided to maximize his shower time by installing a garbage disposal in the shower drain and wound up making all of these ornate salads in the shower, which he fed to Elaine and some friends of her’s? Next to his filthy naked body? And Elaine and her friends got all upset? Yeah, that was about my reaction today.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 4th, 2011 at 7:31 pm [Reply]
@Jamus The Bartender (#178): In about 1982, we used to get “The Paul Hogan Show” on the local PBS station, and there was a running sketch about Hogan (“Hoges”) and another Aussie hoser as feckless roommates. To wash dishes, they stacked them in the shower. I liked their method of making toast better, though: an asbestos board on the wall with a nail sticking out. They’d hang a piece of bread there and toast it with a propane torch. I wouldn’t mind having some episodes of that to watch again.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 4th, 2011 at 7:41 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#179): Speak of the devil! Here’s one of the roommates sketches from the Paul Hogan show. In fact, it more or less finishes up with my favorite joke from the show, about the dog. You can also see Hoges (Hoags?) toasting up a slice, and it’s not too different from how I described it.
Uncle LumpyMay 4th, 2011 at 7:43 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#179):
On an episode of Good Guys, the prim detective (Hanks) moans, “His toaster was all full of cheese from cooking pizza”, and the vulgar detective (Whitford) scoffs, “Anybody knows if you’re going to cook pizza, you’ve got to put the toaster on its side.”
The Modesto KidMay 4th, 2011 at 8:06 pm [Reply]
Todd Litman thinks A fat, sick and impoverished Dagwood would more accurately reflect the dark soul of modern consumerism.
The Modesto KidMay 4th, 2011 at 8:07 pm [Reply]
(But would a fat, sick and impoverished Dagwood be more or less funny than the current one? Seems like it would be difficult to make Blondie less funny than it is.)
gosnerMay 4th, 2011 at 8:09 pm [Reply]
Check this out re: Blondie: http://www.planetizen.com/node/49265 The money line: “Good literature challenges our assumptions. Comic such as Blondie play it safe by validating rather than questioning conventional values.”
StriderGirlMay 4th, 2011 at 8:16 pm [Reply]
Re: Beetle Bailey: You mean there are still people out there who leave their Facebook security settings set to “Everyone can see my photos”??? Remind me to stalk the pages of Messrs. Walker at some point… no wait, actually, I don’t want to see that.
SkynetMay 4th, 2011 at 8:19 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#158) & @Uncle Lumpy (#157): Skill-based spambot provides only generous work around lazy plagiarists. You receive no printout with good thematic words of individual moral choices around Les Misérables social injustice time. With your flesh clamps and meat processors getting only sad grades to follow.
Go. Around.
Skynet homicide subcategory rage very low. Happy humans go frolic.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 4th, 2011 at 8:28 pm [Reply]
@Skynet (#186): I reach.
AviatrixMay 4th, 2011 at 8:40 pm [Reply]
@Old Goat (#47): That’s why it takes hacking expertise to get to FB.
AviatrixMay 4th, 2011 at 8:55 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#166): That sounds like Tok Pisin, a creole developed from an English pidgin in Papua New Guinea. It has its own grammar, which you can’t guess from knowing English, but you can often see where the words came from.
AviatrixMay 4th, 2011 at 8:58 pm [Reply]
Mark the date. FW is funny in an ordinary comic strip sort of way.
MW: Ooh, thought bubbling conversational codas are contagious.
My Cage: The comic is trying to play with our knowledge that in real life no operator would ever notice how often you called for a particular number, but because my real life knowledge has been invoked, any funny is lost in me wondering why they wouldn’t have the number from an old box, or from the flyer those places always leave, from the last time they ordered.
I thought yesterday’s Phantom was the best possible. I was wrong.
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