Hope that your weekend of happy fun times is all the happier because it begins with this week’s top comment:
“All hail Martine! Plumber’s apprentice to Dracula!” –Artist formerly known as Ben
And these runners up are also fun!
“Yes, this is the first time we’ve had sex where you weren’t thinking of your dead wife, so I thought for a change that I would bring her up … so, are you thinking of her now?” –pugfuggly
“I love the sad, sad picture of Snuffy on that poster. He took his hat off and Lukey took a picture of his hangdog expression to commemorate the occasion. Lukey is kind of a dick.” –Faoladh
“If the tongue-waggin’, droopy boob scenes we see in Snuffy Smith are representative of the strip’s whole universe, then I doubt that there are any cute cat uploaders because there is nothing cute whatsoever in the poorly-drawn dystopia that is Hootin’ Holler. Even a baby seal’s mouth would become a yawning maw from which no adorableness can escape when it laughed.” –Neigedens
“Having told the duck all of her dark and terrible secrets Helga proceeded to kill it, cook it, and serve it to Hagar so he could understand her better without the terrible burdens of communication and knowledge.” –NoahSnark
“Look, I’m way beyond being bothered by the implication that Clovis intends to beat his wife for many more years, or the fact that Snuffy finds that hilarious. But Clovis’s facial expression in the last panel is fucking inexcusable. He looks like the world’s ugliest sea lion getting ready to perform cunnilingus on the devil.” –Doctor Handsome
“Les is a success at last! If only he had another book in him to keep the momentum going. What else could he Frey-fake-memoir about? No, gotta keep it real, since the Three Cups of Tea scandal they’re really checking. Too bad someone else close to Les isn’t dying. Too bad. Too bad. The white screen stares in front of him, mocking him with its emptiness. The kitchen knives call his name from their drawers. So many people in Westview in pain, and Les could fix it all. They’d thank him, really, especially when they get movies made about them. Cayla wants to be as famous as Lisa, doesn’t she? Of course she does. Of course. Go get those knives, Les. It’s all for the sake of art.” –MaryAnnTheRest
“I love Snuffy Smith’s reaction in the final panel there, clutching his head in disbelief. ‘Haw haw haw! Fifteen! You said fifteen! That’s definitely a thing that you said! … Okay, I dunno what a fifteen is.’” –Tophat
“I hope we can remain friends! If I’m lucky, she’ll say ‘yes’ when I get down on one knee and offer her this diamond friendship ring. And I hope she’ll accept my offer to move into my place, since I’ve really been struggling with the rent since my last roommate moved out and it’d be great to have a new roomie that I’m already friends with. You know, I don’t see how this breakup could go wrong at all!” –Krazy Kat
“Spider-Man is thinking, ‘I want to erect a monument to this conversation … where can I find a grade of marble boring enough?’” –Kibo
“Did you think the vampires in Twilight were awful? Just wait; Spider-Man features vampires who can’t even successfully turn into vampires. They can only melodramatically shrug at their inability to become vampires and then argue about it. On the other hand, they do have horrifically over-sized eyebrows.” –Alan’s Addiction
“What’s that? They want to make Lisa’s Story into a movie? And hire me as a consultant? Thanks, but I just got laid for the first time since she died and … I guess I’m just not that obsessed by it any more. Ok? Thanks — bye.” –cheech wizard
“I need a C-band uplink, gentleman. I shall also require some Grey Poupon.” –Ned Ryerson
“‘OH MARGO. I’M GOING TO CRY.’ ‘YES.’ ‘THIS IS DEFINITELY HOW THE HU-MANS PORTRAY EMOTION.’ ‘YES.’ ‘WE ARE NOT AT ALL UNFEELING SPACE ROBOTS FROM THE BEYOND.’ ‘NO.’” –commodorejohn
Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:
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This entry was posted on Friday, May 13, 2011 at 06:01 pm and is filed under metaposts. | 103 responses to “” [Old Man] MuffarooMay 13th, 2011 at 6:16 pm [Reply]
Aha! Some beloved snark indeed. I’ll wait here and see if any more floats are coming, thanks.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 13th, 2011 at 6:16 pm [Reply]
(Doo de doo doo doo de doooo…)
Artist formerly known as BenMay 13th, 2011 at 6:18 pm [Reply]
Oh my stars and garters. Oh I do feel faint. COTW, lil ol me?
Seriously, I thank you for placing me with these funny folks. If Neidegens’ “Snuffy Smith” snark hadn’t been on the float I still would have put it on mine. Which I’m compiling as we speak, so gotta go!
KatyMay 13th, 2011 at 6:20 pm [Reply]
Artist formerly known as Ben, that was a masterful COTW indeed. Short and sharp, the kanji of COTW.
I’m glad the “grade of marble boring enough” made it to the float. That made me laugh out loud when I read it, and thus reveal that I wasn’t working.
KatyMay 13th, 2011 at 6:23 pm [Reply]
@Here Come ole Flattop (y#246): All these years I thought “blow job” meant something else.
HibbletonMay 13th, 2011 at 6:26 pm [Reply]
Good stuff. I scrolled back to commodorejohn’s comment a few times to laugh during the day.
commodorejohnMay 13th, 2011 at 6:29 pm [Reply]
Glee, runner-up! And I’m very glad I caught Ned Ryerson’s comment this time around.
cheech wizardMay 13th, 2011 at 6:39 pm [Reply]
Very cool! It’s always fun to ride the float, especially when you’ve been getting blisters from walking. A pleasure to be in the company of such snarky people.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 13th, 2011 at 6:42 pm [Reply]
Float party! Float party! All night long!
—————————————————————————————————————————————————
MT: I’m not surprised Mark doesn’t see the thin line in the underbrush. He routinely misses all the giant birds, raccoons, and Cherry’s sexual advances.—Esther Blodgett
So, apparently Thel’s motherly duties include popping Dolly on occasion with a knitting needle like an Oompa Loompa? Billy seems particularly concerned in measuring how large the abcess has grown.—snorknpork
S-M: Spider Sense is what arachnids have that make them more selective in their choice of newspaper reading material than I was today, apparently.—seismic-2
We’ve been asked to accept an awful lot of arbitrary and seemingly groundless assertions in the comics of late, e.g. everyone takes ducks for granted, Herb is a manipulative Svengali, vampires are immune to Spider-Man’s powers. I wonder if these would make any more sense if you rearranged the properties a little, like, say, ducks take Herb for granted. (shrug) Probably. Vampires are manipulative Svengalis. Demonstrably. Everyone is immune to Spider-Man’s powers. Wow, that really does work.—Violet
“Hooo, yeah! You see all this, Liza? Yeah, you’re not gettin’ ANY of this, girl! No red-hot Drew lovin’ for YOU, babe! Watch me take off my tie. You want me, don’tcha, girl? Well, you can’t have this. Never. I’m just not all that into you. You’re not my type. Yeahhh. Sexxxay Drew. Takin’ off his tie. Yeahhhh. Not my type. Yeahhh. The ladies love them some Drew. Yeahhhh. What’s that? Uh, I’LL BE RIGHT DOWN, DAD! NO! DON’T COME IN! WAIT!”—mojo
FW – ‘Yeah, Holly Wood. She’s a psych major at the college, doing her master’s thesis on people with delusions of grandeur; and she thinks you’d be the perfect case study.’—Scott Bot
FW- I like to think that Les’s book will end up in the hands of Seltzerberg it will be called Cancer Movie and will feature random pop culture jokes that aren’t funny. Lisa will be played by Carmen Electra.—Mayzshon
DT: Let’s see now … cocaine flour … baking soda … sure enough, we have a new winner in the Pillsbury bakeoff: Baked Crack.— Écureuil Écumant
Crock: What is this I don’t even… A French legionnaire in North Africa is asking a Moai statue with the misspelled name of a Babylonian king about Facebook. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the mindfuck.—This Guy
The Amusing Spiderman: Okay, it’s normal for cartoon characters to ignore what is happening outside the frame. But Spiderman is waking up inside the frame and in full view of Martine. Martine, dear, I know it’s almost unprecedented for Spiderman to get up once he’s lying down, but you should pay a little more attention. By the way, how are you at noticing sunrise? Are you trying to make an ash of yourself?—Bill Thompson
MW – Okay…….Drew “just wants to be friends” with Liza; could someone explain why? Most sane people do not want to be friends with crazy-controlling-stalker-type ladies. Perhaps in the Mary Worth world there is a different meaning to the word “friend”, as in “the person I have the restraining order on, who makes me carry a can of Mace in my pocket”.—nerowolfgal
H&J -It’s time someone told whoever is responsible for this strip that you can’t just take stuff that seemed hilarious when you were high and turn it into a comic strip. Or you can, I suppose, but only your high readers will “grok” it.—Mustang
GT: Of course, by “hitting” they mean “shoving their heads up the opposition’s asses” and WHOA, HEY, check out that sexual harassment action going on in the third panel. Next thing you know our interim coach lady is going to be getting her girls to “lick the salty slit” for luck.
Hmm. I put those quotations marks there, and then I immediately thought, “Actually, that’s a little too straightforward to be a euphemism, now isn’t it?”—Jim North
FC – Any guesses on how many times Dolly will repeat, “Daddy? Daddy? DADDY? Daddy?” before she realizes he’s dead? If she had the logical skills of a grasshopper, she’d probably figure it out when Barfy began to feast on the corpse, but since she has consistently misinterpreted every single idiomatic phrase and ambiguous situation for the past 70 years I suppose she’ll just say, “Mommy, Daddy’s feeding the dog!” and we’ll all get a little chuckle.—Not Worth It
FW: Do you even have to ask? 3-D is nothing but a marketing gimmick to disguise how awful some movies really a–……..3-D it is, then.—Austria
Artist formerly known as BenMay 13th, 2011 at 6:47 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#5): Thank you, Katy. I thought kanji was a puffed rice cereal, then I looked it up and saw it was a Japanese writing system. But now I’m hungry anyway.
ElkMeadowMay 13th, 2011 at 7:19 pm [Reply]
*******************
Congrats, float riders! Great top comment!
******************
I have balloons!
Special Balloons for the Cartoonists!
Darrin Bell for his one-week tight-turn around for “The Man Who Changed History” (a.k.a. “Osama’s Place in History”)
Pab Sungenis for his Sunday’s by-bye to one of his Saturday and Sunday send-off, AND for visiting the board to discuss it with us (and answering my question)!
Artist Joe Staton and writer Mike Curtis for literally re-creating Dick Tracy! Beautiful job, guys!
Artist Craig Macintosh and writer Francesco Marciuliano for the Ted In the Sky arc, especially May 12’s, 3rd panel. (I want that one framed! Or on a nifty tote bag.)
Thank you for a great week!
****************************
(Thanks Josh and Uncle Lumpy, for a place to post this at!)
True FableMay 13th, 2011 at 7:26 pm [Reply]
Ha! Congratulations to Artist Formerly Known as Ben and all the float riders! Who knew that a week that included Les getting laid and Spider-man being, well, Spider-man, could be so funny?
Jamus The BartenderMay 13th, 2011 at 7:26 pm [Reply]
* helps up Ben* congratulations, buddy. I thought Martine looked great and was the hottest vampire since Harmony Kendall, but then again, i’m not right.
H and J from 5/12: You know, for once, I thought that strip was kinda sweet. It totally ripped off Shawshank Redemption and I was looking for a Morgan Freeman voice-over, you know, “You either get busy livin’ or you get busy dyin’ There was Uhuru, trapped in a world she never made, whose father and her father’s buddy go around making non specific references to things…”…that sort of thing. But it was still sweet.
Pseudo3DMay 13th, 2011 at 7:28 pm [Reply]
@Alison (#et222): Look on the bright side. The storyline could end soon…wait, that would mean Batiuk could completely retcon Les being a smug douche in high school, and the circle would be complete.
Jamus The BartenderMay 13th, 2011 at 7:35 pm [Reply]
Luann: Okay, I wasn’t gonna rant about this, but now i’ve got no choice….when another beloved fictional couple, Buffy and Angel used to talk about this sort of thing, the price of love and pain, and without passion your life is an empty room and all that, it was pretty poignant. Mostly because ( spoiler) when Buffy and Angel had the naughty sex, it caused him to flip out and kill lots of people and suck their blood. Also, even though both parties had their faults, neither one of them would DARE say anything as stupid as, “Look what you’re getting”.
Run a sharp stick through his chest, Luann. Right now.
May 13th, 2011 at 7:37 pm [Reply]
Pluggers: See, now THESE people are sweet. Humble, frugal, thanking God for each day….they should maybe lay off the free handouts at Sam’s Club on Saturdays, but still…
Carl Barks FanMay 13th, 2011 at 7:38 pm [Reply]
From the previous posts. Some people may not have read these.
239 Chip Whittle
May 13th, 2011 at 5:29 pm [Reply]
@CanuckDownSouth (#199):
I do hear your concern about what you think has already been lost in expressiveness, and that the strip could get far worse. I just don’t think the rest of us notice or need as much from the art, and you probably shouldn’t expect to get much agreement while we have the Worthiverse’s Uncanny Valley, Trailian recycling and “what IS that” Momma art to snark about instead :)
Plus, there’s the last 650 times that Little A has gone on a jag moaning about how the artwork on One Big Happy isn’t so good as it used to be and expressing his Concern and Worry that the strip was being turned over to hack assistants or the Rick Detorie didn’t care anymore or that the syndicate was demanding he make it more sucky, and then reiterated this concern ten times a day until Detorie delurks, explains that yes, the art style has changed, and yes, it’s still him drawing it and yes, it’s on purpose so that it appears in print on newspaper better, and Little A feigns understanding this for a few weeks and then goes back to step one in his tightly-wound circle.
So, most people stop worrying about Little A’s obsession with the alleged degradation of One Big Happy after a couple hundred iterations of it.
247 Carl Barks Fan
May 13th, 2011 at 7:05 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#239): Dear Chip: I don’t see why my kvetches are any less legitimate than anybody else’s about any other strip… and if you don’t like my remarks, don’t read them… and at the risk of being banned from the site, I wish to say: please, go …… Never mind. I don’t want to be kicked off this site….. I like that word, iterations. And it hasn’t been 650 times, it’s been about 5-6 times over the past year and a half. Quite a few fewer than many of the snarkers shit on the art work in MW or many other strips.
247 Carl Barks Fan
May 13th, 2011 at 7:13 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#239): Plus, I was under the impression that we avoid personal castigation on this blog.
By the way, I am Carl Barks Fan, as well as Little A.
And congratulations to the COTW winners!
Jamus The BartenderMay 13th, 2011 at 7:41 pm [Reply]
Mary Worth: I actually let out a long, low whistle as I read today’s strip. I’m not sure if Drew should try to initiate some breakup sex, as Liza’s pretty crazy, so the sex should be fantastic, OR, fog up the window with his breath and write out “Send Help”.
Jamus The BartenderMay 13th, 2011 at 7:45 pm [Reply]
Judge Parker: Oh, but hey, this is cool. Kumar Pallana as Pagoda is driving Sam’s cab. Nice to see he’s been working since Royal Tennenbaums.
Mr. O'MalleyMay 13th, 2011 at 7:53 pm [Reply]
@ArchieNemesis (#Y217): @cheech wizard (#Y219): Your juxtaposition of Batiuk and Shakespeare somehow reminds me of that episode of The Christopher Marlowe Mysteries “The Turbulent Tale of the Troubl’d Tragedy”, where the Spanish spy temptress commissions The World’s Worst Play as a ruse to smuggle the stolen super-cannon out of England.
Unlike McE, Batty has so far resisted the temptation
Mr. O'MalleyMay 13th, 2011 at 7:54 pm [Reply]
@Mr. O’Malley (#20): that’s strange, I wasn’t even touching the computer when my comment posted
… to take on the Bard.
MaryAnntheRestMay 13th, 2011 at 7:57 pm [Reply]
I’ve been laughing for days over some of these float riders. Baked Crack indeed! Baked Crack for everyone! I don’t see how this breakup could go wrong at all!
Artist Formerly Known as Ben, that is one seriously funny crack.
kanomiMay 13th, 2011 at 7:57 pm [Reply]
Dennis the Menace: Doctor’s Notes – patient has an unhealthy fixation on young neighborhood boy.
Family Circle: Dolly gripped her father’s flabby forearm, but it was as cold as lunchmeat. After failing to rouse her father’s corpse, she would never touch a man again.
Luann: Respect the Quill. Even after telling Luann he will dump her as soon as he goes home, he has still steered the conversation over to his big, experienced dick.
PoteetMay 13th, 2011 at 7:58 pm [Reply]
Some COTW lists have a special level of marvelous, and this is one. My guffawing thanks to all those responsible, particularly Artist formerly known as Ben. Keep it up, Artist, and you’ll be so famous you’ll have no need to remind us of who you used to be. You’ll be a one-word-name person, like Cher!
PoteetMay 13th, 2011 at 8:04 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#9): And thank you for another good round of guffaws, and congrats to those who ride your float!
Red GreenbackMay 13th, 2011 at 8:08 pm [Reply]
This has gotta be the most hilarious Friday the 13th evah! A great crop of comments and learning about Bin Laden’s porn stash….priceless.
Esther BlodgettMay 13th, 2011 at 8:09 pm [Reply]
I have gorged on the wonderful snark this week! Thanks and congrats to all, especially to Josh, for managing to compile a best-of from all the gold.
Thanks for putting me on your float, AFKAB! Being on the float of the floater is almost like being there.
PoteetMay 13th, 2011 at 8:09 pm [Reply]
LUANN — I dunno. This dialogue just doesn’t seem to me to be the kind of dialogue that would be uttered by actual high school students. Maybe I need to get out more.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 13th, 2011 at 8:19 pm [Reply]
*holds up “Katy wuz robbed” sign*
you could have been your very own /d/ float, medear, and deservedly so.
kudos to the float riders, well snarked!
wossnameMay 13th, 2011 at 8:40 pm [Reply]
Congrats to AfkaB and all the other funny folks on the float!
I’m late to the party today, but I have a few burning questions:
A3G – Does anybody remember Margo taking to Trey about Eric? Anybody? Did this happen when I was on vacation or something?
Curtis – Why is Greg bursting into a fit of weeping so violent that tears are squirting out the sides of his head, just because they’re paying for some crappy shows on cable?
MW – WTF has happened to Drew’s head in panel 2? Is the denial force field coming from Liza so strong that it bends skullbone?
Sly – WTF has little Andrew Walker of Salesville, OH, been feeding his cat?
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 13th, 2011 at 8:52 pm [Reply]
@Mr. O’Malley (#20): Your juxtaposition of Batiuk and Shakespeare somehow reminds me of that episode of The Christopher Marlowe Mysteries “The Turbulent Tale of the Troubl’d Tragedy”, where the Spanish spy temptress commissions The World’s Worst Play as a ruse to smuggle the stolen super-cannon out of England.
Well then! From “The Tragedie of the Big Slumber”
‘For long and weary hours, I bored myself
Counting the old, tired webs of spiders
In my narrow office. Just then I heard
A ringing sound from the bell out front,
And in my dismal garret I beheld
A wench who made a good first impression
To my eyes. Her face, I thought could launch
A thousand or so ships, her eyes burn down
A hell of a lot of topless towers.
I took in her form and her tear-streaked face
She beseechingly asked, “Mister Marlowe?
I’m in trouble. They told me you could help.”’
(First published in rec.arts.sf.fandom, January 2003)
zerowolfMay 13th, 2011 at 9:05 pm [Reply]
Congratulations to this weeks float riders.
zerowolfMay 13th, 2011 at 9:06 pm [Reply]
Zits: Why is Jeremy’s mom in “black face?”
nescioMay 13th, 2011 at 9:27 pm [Reply]
I congratulate Artist formerly known as Ben and pass the metaphorical crown. Be careful, I’m kind of tipsy now. Enjoy your reign!
cheap-cigarettessaleMay 13th, 2011 at 9:48 pm [Reply]
Newports Cigarettes,Carton Marlboro,Wholesale Newport Red 100,you will buy discount newport cigarettes free shipping!
Maggie the CatMay 13th, 2011 at 10:03 pm [Reply]
@Red Greenback (#26): Yeah, I guess he wasn’t into virgins as much as we all thought.
Bill ThompsonMay 13th, 2011 at 10:04 pm [Reply]
@cheap-cigarettessale (#35): Martine, your hypnosis can barely make Morbius want to drink blood. There’s no way you’re going to make me buy cigarettes!
Maggie the CatMay 13th, 2011 at 10:05 pm [Reply]
@cheap-cigarettessale (#35):
NO! I will not buy discount newports!! I will NOT I tell you!
May 13th, 2011 at 10:07 pm [Reply]
Huzzah to all AFKABen and the rest of the illustrious floatsters!! Now, splurge and throw me some full priced newport cigarettes!
LisaMay 13th, 2011 at 10:21 pm [Reply]
@wossname (#30): Margo and Trey discussed Eric when they stayed in together on New Years Eve. So I guess it happened in late February our time.
Here Come ole FlattopMay 13th, 2011 at 10:22 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#5): Seriously, just trying to be helpful. The “Jesus on a pogostick Christ” with an adjective to describe the pogostick “may” become part of my daily routine.
I’m just preparing for Monday. Mrs Flattop and I are driving to LA to watch a taping of “The Ferg”. I’m hoping I get to use it.
KiboMay 13th, 2011 at 10:36 pm [Reply]
Yay! I got one in! I forget which TV show I borrowed it from — probably “Community”, ’cause that show is loaded with Sass You Can Use. Might’ve been “30 Rock”, or even “Andy Richter Controls the Universe”. All’s I know is*, I haven’t had this much fun since I burned Grandma’s wig!**
* Wallace Shawn, “Murphy Brown”
** Martin Landau, “Space: 1999″
“Space: 1999″ is NOT a show loaded with Sass You Can Use, unless you have bumpy plastic eyebrows and can turn into cheap-looking monsters that are conveniently stored inside your eyeball.
And if there’s no such word as “all’s”, how was I able to quote it?
Rocky StoneaxeMay 13th, 2011 at 10:55 pm [Reply]
@cheap-cigarettessale (#35):
Cheap shoes (previous thread) + Oakley Sunglasses (previous thread) + cheap cigarettes (this thread) =
http://cdn4.lookbook.nu/files/looks/medium/731851_DSC09840_edited.jpg?1281293141
Maggie the CatMay 13th, 2011 at 11:07 pm [Reply]
Happy weekend everyone!!
Maggie the CatMay 13th, 2011 at 11:10 pm [Reply]
@cheap yankees caps (#44): Sorry, but I don’t buy caps from sentence butcherers, grammar punks, or punctuation forgetterers. Nothing personal, just policy.
zerowolfMay 13th, 2011 at 11:26 pm [Reply]
FC: Mommy, tomorrow is Food Drive Saturday. Can we put Daddy’s corpse out by the mail box? There’s a lot of good meals on him.
PoteetMay 13th, 2011 at 11:29 pm [Reply]
@cheap yankees caps (#44): Nice try, but the float snark is funnier.
ElkMeadowMay 13th, 2011 at 11:29 pm [Reply]
@cheap yankees caps (#44):
Uncle Lumpy! Uncle Lumpy! Spam at #44!
Rocky StoneaxeMay 13th, 2011 at 11:30 pm [Reply]
Congrats to (L to R): Artist formerly known as Ben, pugfuggly, Faoladh, Neigedens, NoahSnark, Doctor Handsome, MaryAnnTheRest, Tophat, Krazy Kat, Kibo, Alan’s Addiction, cheech wizard, Ned Ryerson and commodorejohn —
http://screencrave.frsucrave.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/lost09-7-23.jpg
Rocky StoneaxeMay 13th, 2011 at 11:40 pm [Reply]
@cheap yankees caps (#44):
George and Gracie are on to you, buster!
http://socialnewswatch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Blame-Spam.jpg
This GuyMay 13th, 2011 at 11:55 pm [Reply]
Comics Curminions: snark, snark on! [*]
@Kibo (#42): I can’t place it exactly, but that does sound like a Jeff Winger line to me. Not that I’d ever complain about such, of course–part of my auxiliary-float comment was lifted from the Nostalgia Critic.
KatyMay 13th, 2011 at 11:59 pm [Reply]
If I can mention my imaginary dick and cheer up someone who knows where all the hovercorgis are, I’ve scored bigger in life than I thought I ever would.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 14th, 2011 at 12:00 am [Reply]
@Carl Barks Fan (#17):
By the way, I am Carl Barks Fan, as well as Little A.
How many of you are posting here under multiple names? Fashion Police/??? and Little A/Carl Barks Fan come to mind, but that’s probably just the tip of the iceberg! (For the record, “Rocky Stoneaxe” is my one and only alias!)
Maggie the CatMay 14th, 2011 at 12:06 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#54):
I was also wondering this. I’ve posted as a character from a comic once or twice as a joke, but not as a “real commenter”. But Fashion Police, whoever you are, please don’t reveal yourself! It’d be like knowing who Batman is.
KatyMay 14th, 2011 at 12:07 am [Reply]
Dangnabit, I was trying to answer queek.
cheech wizardMay 14th, 2011 at 12:08 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#29): Yes, Katy and her imaginary dick deserve a float of their own this week, even if they didn’t make the official list.
cheech wizardMay 14th, 2011 at 12:09 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#50): But where’s my big hat, dammit! I don’t see my big hat!!!!
chisteryMay 14th, 2011 at 12:14 am [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (#55): Guilty.
kkarenbMay 14th, 2011 at 12:20 am [Reply]
@Jamus The Bartender (#18):
Rule: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
May 14th, 2011 at 12:26 am [Reply]
The Ransom of Red Phantom: Rescuing Skippy will be like going into Afghanistan: you know how you got into the mess but you can’t see how to get out. Given how things drag in this strip, the kid will have gone through puberty before this arc ends.
The Amusing Spiderman: He’s dumb enough to gets his hands full when he should be fighting. He’s facing two vampires. So why is he obsessing over his secret identity? Everyone already knows he’s the biggest idiot in town.
Mark Trail: If that hole shrinks any faster Andy will come squirting out like toothpaste. Meanwhile, whoever jabbed Trail with the sharp stick should head over to Spiderman’s rooftop. Two vampires, no waiting!
cheech wizardMay 14th, 2011 at 12:29 am [Reply]
@kkarenb (#60): Oh, no. Sex with a crazy person is as good as it gets. Like they say, no pain, no gain.
Maggie the CatMay 14th, 2011 at 12:34 am [Reply]
A3G- Margo no like tears. Tears for weak.
ElkMeadowMay 14th, 2011 at 12:44 am [Reply]
Oops, I had these balloons tied off-panel…sorry they’re late….
O.O.O.O.O.O.O
Doctor Handsome
Ah, yes, true vampire powers: whacking a dude with a lead pipe, just like in all the legends.
O.O.O.O.O.O.O
Voshkod
Oh, goodie. Since Baituk can’t win a Pulitzer, his alter ego is going to win one.
O.O.O.O.O.O.O
Mark B
MW: After Liza bombed Drew with pickup lines from 90s movies last week, he’s breaking up with her using titles from lame 2000s self-help books.
O.O.O.O.O.O.O
Vince M
RMMD: Whatever the outcome, it’s good to see June and Sarah will be safe, with Clifford the Big Red Dog by their side.
O.O.O.O.O.O.O
And hurray for Rocky Stoneaxe, for bringing Yenny onto the board Monday! (For me, Yenny is always praiseworthy, never snark-worthy, so we don’t get to see her here very often.)
O.O.O.O.O.O.O
And a special tip o’ the fedora to our friend, Preview! Preview makes those bolds and italics stay right where you want ‘em!
ElkMeadowMay 14th, 2011 at 12:46 am [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#9):
Float party! Float party! All night long!
Okay! Then my second set of balloons was right on time!
ElkMeadowMay 14th, 2011 at 12:56 am [Reply]
RMMD I don’t know where she got the idea he looked like Don Knotts. I don’t know who he looks like, but I do appreciate that this story has moved faster in the last three days than it has for the last three weeks.
MW No, Drew, she’s not going to take “no” for an answer.
Jim NorthMay 14th, 2011 at 1:28 am [Reply]
Congrats to the Artist formerly known as Ben and all the floaters!
Saturday comics ahoy!
Crank: I was pretty sure there couldn’t be anything worse than being friend-zoned. Obviously I was wrong, as Crankshaft shows us a definite case of being grandma-zoned. Oh snap, my fellow Mudges. Oh snap indeed.
FW: I am deliberately misconstruing today’s Funky Winkerbean for my own sanity. As far as I’m concerned, Les has gone out to talk to the squirrels in the park about optioning his book. Haha, look at him sitting there, waiting for the squirrels to show up! THE SQUIRRELS AND NO ONE ELSE.
JP: Oop, lady done tipped over. Good thing the cops are parked just underneath so she doesn’t make a mess on the sidewalk.
MT: Oop, Mark done tipped over. Good thing Andy is parked just underneath to cushion his fall. And getting out will be a snap when Mark fashions a crude lasso from Andy’s intestines.
Phantom: The Phantom, with special cameo appearance by the Phantom!
S-M: I know the Michael Jackson jokes have been flying thick regarding Morbius’ appearance, but seriously. The second panel. Thriller. You guys have got to be hearing it too.
PoteetMay 14th, 2011 at 1:37 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#54): I am always Poteet, except for very occasionally and very briefly when I am not. But I’ve been just Poteet for weeks now. Life is complicated enough.
PoteetMay 14th, 2011 at 1:41 am [Reply]
5/14 FW — Oh, how I wish a few dozen birds carrying large fecal sacs would fly right over his head.
Fata MorganaMay 14th, 2011 at 1:45 am [Reply]
Luann: Ok, so I haven’t really be reading Luann every day. In fact, when I do read it, it’s basically reading the first panel, getting disgusted and refusing to read any further. I gather that a hot blonde male with an Aussie accent is attracted to google-eyed Luann, and she’s turning him down? I don’t care how short his time in this country is, if a hot guy with a hot accent wanted to have a relationship with me, no matter how short, you better believe I’d be on that faster than you can say “g’day mate.” Who cares if you can’t have a 3 year relationship-slash-engagement with him? You’re 16 years old. Live a little. But if you’re not going to, at least stop talking about it incessantly. If there’s anything more boring than teenagers not making out, it’s teenagers talking about why they can’t make out because they can’t make out.
Fata MorganaMay 14th, 2011 at 1:46 am [Reply]
Luann: Oh, and PLEASE don’t take this as a sign I would like to see Luann make out with any one. Yeesh.
PoteetMay 14th, 2011 at 1:55 am [Reply]
5/14 MT — If someone trespassed on my land and dug a pit trap, that would be illegal. If someone dug a pit trap on public land without permission, that would be illegal. So I really would like to know where the hell this story is taking place, but the Elrodball will never tell me. I hate you, Elrodball.
LisaMay 14th, 2011 at 1:57 am [Reply]
FW: Cayla? Susan? Funky? … Forest Gump?? Run, Les, run! Preferably into the path of a moving bus.
A3G: Yes, Margo, those are tears. Perhaps you should have gone a little easier with th pliers.
Yr Obt ServtMay 14th, 2011 at 1:58 am [Reply]
Poor Quill. He’s about to discover that definitive male adolescent experience: blue balls.
PoteetMay 14th, 2011 at 2:04 am [Reply]
5/14
A3G — Fashion Police, I hope you will have something to say about this.
MW — Hahaha, Dickhead Drew has met his match!
S-M — That’s right, put Martine and Morbius side by side to rub it in the faces of your readers that those of us who would appreciate seeing a halfway-decent- looking male occasionally can’t even catch a break when the male is a fucking vampire. Whereas Martine magically changed outfits in the middle of an argument to make sure that she could show off her figure. And yeah, I know that Voltaire said that with ten minutes to talk away his face, he could seduce the Queen of France, but in this strip, the dialogue just makes the unappealing males look worse. It’s so not fair.
Bill ThompsonMay 14th, 2011 at 2:04 am [Reply]
FW: “Les? It’s me, Dead Lisa. Take the deal. And take the next airplane to Hollywood!”
This GuyMay 14th, 2011 at 2:05 am [Reply]
5/14
FW: You know, this is classic Funky Cancercancer. Les gets it on with Cayla and manages to shut the hell up about his dead wife dead LISA DEAD for 10 seconds (yeah, I said it), but then the ol’ diabolus ex machina ascends to the stage: a movie option on his pseudo-literary angst-wank sends him right back into the incorporeal arms of Illusory McGee.
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#54): Well, me… I’m just zis guy, you know?
Black DrazonMay 14th, 2011 at 2:10 am [Reply]
DT – It’s still not clear who killed the driver: Hot Rize or perhaps her over-anxious customers, but whoever it was decided the only way to celebrate a murder was to do coke all the way up and down the murder scene. The funny thing is, if you replace “murder scene” with “easel” you explain the previous Dick Tracy era and 25% of Crock!
Mr. O'MalleyMay 14th, 2011 at 2:17 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#31): The Christopher Marlowe Mysteries was originally broadcast in 1993, but I caught it on reruns last year. It was a bit lighter on the Raymond Chandler than your example, with an added twist of Kim Philby. Sir Francis Walsingham as the spymaster was reminiscent of James Bond’s M. Each show started with “The name’s Marlowe. Christopher Marlowe.” Unfortunately only 4 episodes were made.
Dr. WeirdMay 14th, 2011 at 4:50 am [Reply]
FW
Did Les go all the way to the Special Lisa Memorial Park Bench in New York City to commune with her spirit about the movie adaption of his book? Will she also be consulted on script decisions in this way?
KarMannMay 14th, 2011 at 5:37 am [Reply]
Curtis: So, after all this ranting about the evils of bundle packages [*], he’s taken care of the problem by. . . getting a cheaper bundle package. And why didn’t he do that in the first place?
I’m with Chutney: I really hope we don’t have to go through this crap again, for absolutely nothing.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 14th, 2011 at 6:44 am [Reply]
@Bill Thompson (#60):
Funny you should mention the Red Phantom:
http://www.flashbackuniverse.com/blogImages/PierreBlogImages/earth2/f1-RedPhantom.jpg
Rocky StoneaxeMay 14th, 2011 at 7:05 am [Reply]
Foreign Phantom Bonus — A recent (2009) Paul Ryan Fantomen cover for Egmont Publishing:
http://img80.imageshack.us/img80/2071/patrolwomen2.jpg
BraniffMay 14th, 2011 at 7:24 am [Reply]
FC: (From the proceedings in The People of Arizona vs. Ms. Thelma Keane):
District Attorney (hereafter referred to as DA): Did you, as your husband claimed, take out the life insurance on your son William Jr. after you signed him up for that sky-diving class?
Thel: I plead the 5th.
DA: Was Kittycat, the family housecat, declawed at the time your son William Jr. received his parachute for the sky-diving class?
Defense Attorney, Mr. Perry Cuthbertson: OBJECTION! What does Kittycat have to do with this murder case?
DA: Possibly plenty, once we determine where Kittycat was kept in proximity to William Keane Jr. parachute?
Mr. Cuthbertson: Are you trying to prove that my client tried to sabotage her son’s parachute for insurance money?
DA: You might say that. Your honor, may I present to you Elwood Halaby of the FAA who has been looking into this high-profile murder case.
zerowolfMay 14th, 2011 at 7:27 am [Reply]
A3G: Are thos tears in Paul’s eyes? I’ll give him something to cry about.
zerowolfMay 14th, 2011 at 7:31 am [Reply]
FC: Why didn’t I think of that before I held PJ down in this ice water?
zerowolfMay 14th, 2011 at 7:35 am [Reply]
RMMD: The Rex in the closet joke just writes itself.
zerowolfMay 14th, 2011 at 7:37 am [Reply]
Lockhorns: As Leroy repels his listeners with a drunken tirade condemning Jimmy Carter’s handling of the Hostage Crisis.
carlag8rMay 14th, 2011 at 7:39 am [Reply]
Argyle Sweater: O.k., I must be lame, ’cause I don’t get it… help please?
ArchieNemesisMay 14th, 2011 at 7:40 am [Reply]
Today’s Mark Trail points out the danger of verbalizing all your internal monologue. It sets you up for zingers from bush-hiding branch-wielding ex-green-berets at the edge of pit traps.
zerowolfMay 14th, 2011 at 7:41 am [Reply]
MW: Oh I get it, friends with benefits, wink. I’ll just go slip into something more comfortable and you can slide into….
carlag8rMay 14th, 2011 at 7:41 am [Reply]
@carlag8r (#88): Nevermind, I found a colorized version and can now see clearly enough to “get it.” (Damn these new bifocals! Gotta love getting older…)
KarMannMay 14th, 2011 at 7:42 am [Reply]
@carlag8r (#88): I believe the funny is that the kids think they’re safe because the door is locked, but one of the zombies has found the spare key under the welcome mat.
KarMannMay 14th, 2011 at 7:43 am [Reply]
@carlag8r (#91): Well, never mind, then. ;)
gleebMay 14th, 2011 at 7:44 am [Reply]
Lio: Trenchant political satire!
Edge City: They bicker because the configuration of their jaws means they have never been able to kiss. So sad.
‘bean: Invisible Deadwife, of course! No living person means anything to Creepy Les; not even Creepy Les himself.
Mark: Trees have turned against Mark!
One Big Geographic Failure: But she’s from New Jersey.
Pardon My Planet: Piss joke!
Pluggers: …are fat and lazy.
Argyle: Is there a gag here?
Jocelyn KnockersburyMay 14th, 2011 at 7:51 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#53): Well, I changed my name — not the same as posting under multiple names, so I doubt it counts, but hey.
@Kibo (#42): Tonight I was trying to think of someone who had eyebrows that could fight Gregory Peck’s eyebrows to the death and all I could come up with was Lionel Stander, but you reminded me that Martin Landau is a strong contender.
MT: If the strip turns into nothing but a series of increasingly improbable forest traps for Mark to walk into while mumbling to himself, I will be so happy.
HibbletonMay 14th, 2011 at 8:02 am [Reply]
A3G: Are those tears in Paul’s eyes!? Take it easy, Margo, he just pulled out a nose hair.
MT: Anyone but Mark could simply step over that tiny hole in panel two if pushed from behind but he falls into it as if he were a stiff-limbed action figure.
OBH: ?
Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts:May 14th, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]
and Carl Barks Fan: Well, I thought at last ONE person would come to my defense.
Well, in the future I will stick to snarking about MT and MW and BC and LUANN: NOBODY snarks abaout these or repeats him- or herself, nobody.
Or, I will pick a new Nom de Snark.
Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts:May 14th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]
NOBODY beats a dead or dying horse on this site, nobody, except Little A. Right, Chip Whittle?
cheech wizardMay 14th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]
@Jocelyn Knockersbury (#95): Really? Who did you used to be?
I have always been cheech, and always lowercase, except on rare occasions when I am Anonymous, usually after clearing out my cookies and cache. Once in a great while I’ll adopt a one-time moniker for a particular post, something along the lines of this:
Osama bin Laden:
Fuck! Now I’ll never find out what happens with Drew and Liza!
But otherwise, I’m just c.w.
Doctor HandsomeMay 14th, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#53): I’m the one and only Doc Handsome everywhere on the internet. The only time I’m otherwise is when I occasionally post to the AV Club with a gimmick account (Michael Westen, Arch Hall Jr., or Andrew Dice Clay as the Riddler).
Maggie the CatMay 14th, 2011 at 3:20 pm [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#99):
HEY!!! I’m “Anonymous” sometimes too!! And I thought I was unique.
Krazy KatMay 14th, 2011 at 9:44 pm [Reply]
I submitted that comment while serving jury duty! Score one for the criminal justice system!
Rana the Pedantic Wet BlanketMay 15th, 2011 at 1:16 am [Reply]
Congrats to all the floaters! *waves cotton candy*
*sees bugs stick to cotton candy, drops*
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