Spider-Man, 5/18/11
Oh, the sight of the hapless Spider-Man’s feet sticking uselessly upwards as Morbius the Human Vampire hauls him to safety warms my shriveled heart! You might think, based on the hideous claw Morbius also has a hold of in that panel, that Spidey has been attacked in mid-air by yet another vampire in this chamber of horrors, but no, that’s just MJ’s hand, drawn very badly.
At any rate, Morbius’s transformation into a Non-Human Vampire is clearly well underway, as rather than referring to MJ as a “woman” as a normal person would, he’s going for the stilted “female” instead. I dearly hope that he and his vampire bride are also speaking in heavy Transylvanian accents for no good reason.
Apartment 3-G, 5/18/11
Don’t get upset, ladies! Paul may have partaken in your lady flower-grabbing game, but he is ALL MAN! He did it for his COACH, who was a MAN, who coached him in a SPORT. A sport for men!
B.C., 5/18/11
This sentient talking turtle has been a beloved B.C. character for years, but, uh, I guess he’s going to be killed and eaten now.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 18, 2011 at 08:45 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, B.C., Spider-Man. | 257 responses to “” KarMannMay 18th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]
Reposted, just because I can, and I need others to suffer along with me:
A3G: Gee, for some odd reason, it seems as though Paul has a sudden need to reassert his for-realz masculinity. Wonder why that would be?
Shoe: Looks like this strip describes the outcome of the previous day’s Lockhorns, and the conclusion of their mutual hatred for each other.
9CL: Huh. Most dancers, with their petite frames, can barely fit a few fingers. Looks like Seth managed to get his whole hand in, though! Remarkable.
May 18th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]
Beetle – It’s certainly the yellowest sunset I ever saw. They should let the color monkeys out every so often so they don’t completely lose touch with the natural world.
Family – “Mommy, was that new lamp you bought very expensive?”
“We sorta clocked Billy with it. Oh, and he’s not movin’.”
May 18th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]
Smirky – “Les, baby, this’ll be golden! These vampires will sparkle and smirk. They’ll smirkle!” (Pretty high concept for low-grade porn producers.)
Mark – The fact that the hole isn’t full of brackish water makes me suspect it was dug last night. Mountain Man would appear to have a bright future in the burgeoning hole-digging industry, if he wanted.
AhClemMay 18th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]
SM – We’ve been down this road before. Bitten by a radioactive spider AND a would-be vampire, he will still have his spider powers, but will now have to wear black Spandex and spout cheesy dialogue. Cheesier than usual, anyway.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 18th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]
5-18 Weird Sound Effects:
Zits — TRIP! CLIK!
Edison Lee — PHWEEET!
Strange Brew –PPHPPC SNORT
Piranha Club — RINGA DINGLE x 3
Safe Havens — THUD THUD THUD THUD
B.C. — RUSTLE RUSTLE… TOSS… SCHLUNK
Rose is Rose — SNIFF SNIFF… CHOMP… PFFFT
Phantom —
http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Phantom
Bleeker the Rechargeable Dog —
http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Bleeker
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 18th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]
Marfield – Jesus, dogs! Didn’t they teach you not to crap while you’re still eating? Considering the degree of parenting in this strip, the mutts are probably Marvin’s only role models.
Mary – It was hard for Drew to resist being pulled in. He loves that game! It would have been so easy to beat Liza’s “scissors” with a well-played “rock.”
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 18th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]
MT: I see that Elrod is offering his take on Saturday’s Raptural Event. Of course, in the Elrod theology, the End Times are far more terrifying, given that the decision of who shall be damned and who shall be saved rests on the capricious shoulders of tree squirrels.
A3G: With the old-timey lady-suits and the marcelled hair, you might think this strip is stuck in the past. But the artist is obviously trying to appeal to kidsthesedays by including a “find the six differences” feature in every strip!
(snarpologies today!)
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 18th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]
BC mentioning evolution.
it really is the End Days.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 18th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
Pluggers – “2XL calling GQ…” (Isn’t there anyone on the air?)
Josh – We’ll know that Morbius’s transition to the dark side is complete when he says “Bah!” Dead giveaway.
AhClemMay 18th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
MT – Mark’s underground prison seems brightly lit for a hole in the ground. Why doesn’t he just climb up the electrical conduit and escape?
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 18th, 2011 at 8:58 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#3): Semi-related (to hole digging) personal story: The former owner of my house dug a quite large, rectangular fish pond. While he was working on it (because it took a number of days), the neighbors became quite concerned because it looked like he was digging a grave.
pugfugglyMay 18th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]
Evolution? In B.C.?? Poor heretical tortoise, you might have expected a quick death when you were only being hunted for your tasty flesh, but now you’re going to have to sit through an Answers in Genesis seminar before they crack open that keratin shell…
KarMannMay 18th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#9): Actually, more of an undead giveaway.
PatrickMay 18th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]
To be fair, those ladies have been hanging out in the reception hall since 1963, it’s about time one of them caught a bouquet.
Little GuyMay 18th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]
Luann: Okay, Crystal needs to slapped upside the head. Or banshed to Westview, Land of Smirkiness. Whichever is move evil and despised by the general populace.
Little GuyMay 18th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]
more evil
jayjaybearMay 18th, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]
A3G: Hillary Swank and Eve Arden there are going to be waiting for Paul in the alley with pillowcases full of bricks.
CanuckDownSouthMay 18th, 2011 at 9:07 am [Reply]
Since both A3G-extras women’s collars and hair have changed (along with the sleeves on one), I’d like to think that Paul is turning a bit and we’re seeing different irate women in each panel. It’s one thing not to keep track of that main characters’ dresses from day to day, but in 2 side by side panels? Then I remember that it’s Bolle, whose apparent level of care means he could easily be scrawling these with one hand while turned away to punch in the pizza delivery phone number with the other.
menamebephilMay 18th, 2011 at 9:07 am [Reply]
Is… is that caveman’s foot on backwards? Because it looks like that caveman’s foot is on backwards.
Pseudo3DMay 18th, 2011 at 9:07 am [Reply]
MT – I knew it! Only squirrels would try to build traps for the evil humans! Squirrels are just rats with tails, after all.
FW – “Weese”?
DT – Like Pluggers, Sam has a membership to a certain membership club store. Except he has a similar name to them! What fun!
A3G – Don’t make it worse, Paul. Just say you caught it for your mind-challenged girlfriend.
Scott BotMay 18th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]
FW – No, Lisa, I think the correct phrase is ‘you’re a couple tacos short of a combination plate, Les.’
GT – Battle of the Bands! Darryl Hall and Henry Rollins are gonna beat the crap out of Kenny Rogers! Coward of the county, indeed.
HotC – Yes, it’s typical grade school stuff, but it’s still more mature (and funnier) than anything Luann can come up with.
MT – So John Thrasher is actually a giant squirrel? I’m confused.
Pluggers – If you don’t know some secret way you can check on,
You’ll break your neck on
Naughty number nine.
May 18th, 2011 at 9:11 am [Reply]
“Sorry, ladies, but I’m keeping it! Now I just have killing a unicorn left on my bucket list!”
pugfugglyMay 18th, 2011 at 9:11 am [Reply]
A3G: ‘Coach’ is just the pet name that Luann makes Paul call her, and she let him know beforehand that if he didn’t grab that bouquet and bring it back to her, he would certainly be ‘benched’ for the foreseeable future. Now give her five laps around the reception hall and hit the showers, Paul, and you might see a little action in the endzone by the fourth quarter.
Edgy DCMay 18th, 2011 at 9:13 am [Reply]
Look at those wedding guest dingbats whining in two-part harmony — haircuts and dresses as ananchonistic as the demeaning ritual they’re taking more than a bit too seriously. Do the Apartment 3-G artist and writer step out of a time machine every morning, file their strip, and then head back to 1961 in time for morning coffee and the paper. “What’s that madman Kruschev up to anyhow?” “I’m sure I wouldn’t know, dear — pass me the society page, would you?”
un malpasoMay 18th, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]
Wait… if Morbius bites Spiderman, does that mean that he (Morbius) will become a radioactive spider-vampire, or does it mean that Spiderman will gain the proportional powers of a semi-vampire in addition to his spider powers?
Or did I just… BLOW YOUR MIND?
Or (more likely) will something interesting NOT happen?
Maggie the CatMay 18th, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]
In regards to the “come and go” sleeves, @wossname (y#299): @Fashion Police (y#227): , they might be made in the style of the Tudor era, with detachable sleeves… or maybe the artist is just lax when it comes to continuity.
Puzzled in PeoriaMay 18th, 2011 at 9:17 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#20): What? I thought rats had tails too!
FaoladhMay 18th, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]
“Pluggers are fat” may be the most overused “joke” in the Pluggers’ repertoire. Haven’t the people who submit things to it ever read that panel, even once? I guess that I’m going with “Pluggers can’t read, they just look at the pictures and giggle at the funny-looking people-animals”.
nescioMay 18th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
B.C.: I’d like to point out that that’s B.C. in the first two panels spearing the turtle. Then for some reason the turtle’s being carried away by Thor in the final panel. And Thor’s stoned. I doubt this is an art mistake, rather it’s the usual nonsense.
SlylockFox: The other dogs back in the cage seem unnaturally happy for their free former companion. And one of them looks like a kangaroo.
RoseIsRose: I’m getting a horrific Alien vibe off the middle panel.
NeigedensMay 18th, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]
@un malpaso (#25): I am SPELLBOUND with boredom at the prospect. Maybe Spiderman will be the first human-spider-vampire that uses his new powers to stay up all night watching infomercials. Oh wait, pretty sure that’s about all Spiderman does anyway.
DoodMay 18th, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]
Pluggers: Can this cartoon exist without Reed Hoover of Dallas, Texas? Discuss.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 18th, 2011 at 9:27 am [Reply]
hoverboxer, or ‘what can brown do for you?’
and after the spanking. . . . (RUN AWAY!)
X-Muppets. *dies of geekery win*
naughty milk ad featuring a certain mouse couple.
some things work better without captions.
Norm at swim lessons.
otter yer mark. . .
blue corgi pup.
I had a fun moment of Zensqui yesterday. Was running some errands, and NPR was talking about California’s politics, and mentioned that a part of Gov. Brown’s charm offensive was bringing ‘his cute corgi dog’ to meetings and events. :-)
Doctor HandsomeMay 18th, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]
“My coach would’ve benched me if I’d missed this pass! Seriously, he would have made me lay perpendicular across his thick chest so he could hoist me in the air with his muscular arms! It happened a lot!”
Comcis FanMay 18th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]
@jayjaybear (#17):
Ha! Can’t go wrong with an Eve Arden reference, especially in A3G.
BraniffMay 18th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#5): Family Circus: CRASH! SMASH!
In the sequel–SLASH!
(Taken from the webcam depicting the scene of the death of William Keane Jr., Jefferson Clinton Keane, Doris Leah (aka Dolly) and Phineas Johnson (aka PJ) used by the prosecution in its successful conviction of the defendant in The People of Arizona vs. Thelma Louise Keane)
Maggie the CatMay 18th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]
@Dood (#31): No, it could not. And besides being a Plugger kingpin, he’s also an artist! And no, it’s surprisingly not a paint by number Elvis on black velvet.
Puzzled in PeoriaMay 18th, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]
@Dood (#31): Reed Hoover? Is that a vacuum cleaner made from a thin reed whereby you suck on the reed to vacuum the dirt? Sounds disgusting.
OKStanMay 18th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]
S-M: The big question for Spider-Man is: Will being bitten by a radioative spider AND a cheesy wanna-be vampire improve his TV-remote piloting skills? Will we get to see him complaining about nothing on the TV in stilted Transylvania, even if the closest he’d been to Europe is Rockaway Beach?
I’m on the edge of my seat, but that’s because there are several pillows behind me I really should move.
May 18th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]
FW – Take her advise, Les. Don’t let your imagination run away with you!
That way lies madness. Next thing you know, you will be sitting on a park bench having conversations with imaginary people.
May 18th, 2011 at 9:42 am [Reply]
Having already proven that Spider-Man has neither super strength, dexterity, spider-sense, nor a modicum of courage, Morbius and Martine are betting that the little prick doesn’t even have radioactive blood.
twgMay 18th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]
MW: I’m going to pretend that Drew thought, “I want to go to there.” and he’s Liz Lemon to Liza’s Dennis Duffy. I like this whole thing a lot more now. STAY AWAY DREW SHE IS THE RAT KING.
TheDivaMay 18th, 2011 at 9:47 am [Reply]
A3G: Paul does know that the men have their own “object thrown into the crowd for the singletons to fight over” thing, right? Or did everyone decide they didn’t want to see Nerdy Bride divested of her garter?
SM: I’m not sure what happens when a mutated human-vampire chows down on a mutated human-spider, but somehow I think the results will involve lots of whining and lying on the couch.
C’shaft: Man, if that’s not an idea that makes you pray for the Rapture…
FW: Wow, I think they finally came up with a concept more irritating than Twilight.
Luann: Has anyone in the history of ever used the phrase “Did I make a funny”?
MT: “Hey, keep it down over there! Some of us are trying to locate our winter nut stashes!”
MW: Only Dr. Drew could look at Liza’s “NOBODY turns me down!” death glare and think “So far, so good…”
MustangMay 18th, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]
A3G – Any other woman in the universe would be mortified if her date did something like leaping through the air to snag the bouquet, but if Luann had a thought balloon above her head right now, it would just say “Purdy flowers!”
Esther BlodgettMay 18th, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]
FW: For all the fuss Les is making over this, you’d think the Hollywood people were going to go back and actually retcon his book with their lame ideas. Only a total jerk would do that.
MW: Try reading Drew’s thought bubbles in Homer Simpson’s voice for even more hilarity. Also, is it too much to hope that “The Hombres” is the local women’s football team?
S-M: I like how Martine is slowly morphing into Samantha’s naughty cousin Serena from “Bewitched.”
But What Do I Know?May 18th, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]
@TheDiva (#42): Oh, Paul knows. In fact, he’s hoping the garter-winner is a real hunk so he can fantasize about his old Coach while they’re dancing. If you liked it you should’da put a ring on it, ladies!
Alice BluegownMay 18th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]
Paul is to be congratulated on striking a blow for equality in the perennially female-dominated arena of freestyle bouquet-catching (scheduled for inclusion in the 2012 Olympics). Either that, or he genuinely wants to be the next bride, which is freakin’ weird.
LawyerbobMay 18th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]
A3G: Paul shouldn’t mouth off like that. Margo and her blonde twin sisters are about to descend on him like the Furies, while Luann watches with that bemused expression she wears whenever she witnesses a Margo-induced outbreak of mass slaughter.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 18th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (#36):
My favorite line from that link: “Wouldn’t it be funny if Hoover sucked?”
JasperMay 18th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]
MT- Enough already, is all that yelling really necessary?
H&L- Someone needs to bring some money into this household. The Flagstons living room is often without furniture. Today it features a stool and a circa 1960 HiFi.
MW- “…so far so good”? Really Drew? What part of she doesn’t get that you broke up with her don’t you get? I say you use the bitch, take her up on the ticket offer to see the Hombres (whatever the hell that is) and get one last blow job for good measure.
Esther BlodgettMay 18th, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]
@Katy (#y203): The first place BelSpouse and I lived in had those two-button light switches. I think the house was built in 1919 (or possibly 1929). I remember the snap-snap! sound well.
BTW, thanks so much for your supportive words yesterday. The surgery went OK, but post-op had a few glitches (all worked out eventually). And then, coming home from the hospital, in my physical and emotional exhaustion I managed to clip the utility pole in the alley and sort of vaporized the rear passenger door. On his car, naturally. Not my best day ever. :P
Doctor HandsomeMay 18th, 2011 at 10:18 am [Reply]
Paul’s the type of guy who would shove a little kid out of the way to catch a foul ball at a baseball game, then gloat to the kid that he was keeping the ball. Or at least he would be, if he were the type of guy who would go to a baseball game.
ElkMeadowMay 18th, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]
@wossname (#y299):
Thanks!
@Ned Ryerson (#y303):
Good last word for the thread.
ElkMeadowMay 18th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]
@un malpaso (#25):
I think he would get rather sleepy, so much that he would sleep in his clothes, uncomfortable though as they look, and have a television remote stuck to his hand.
ElkMeadowMay 18th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]
@TheDiva (#42):
Luann: Has anyone in the history of ever used the phrase “Did I make a funny”?
I’ve heard it, but it was a euphemism for a fart.
MibbitmakerMay 18th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]
@Dood (#22): Please go to 9 Chickweed Lane! Please go to 9 Chickweed Lane!
spikeMay 18th, 2011 at 10:32 am [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#11): Margo is in Panel 1, but not Panel 2.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#39): Lisa’s not imaginary–she’s very real!!! And, like Gereralissimo Francisco Franco, she’s still dead…
@Esther Blodgett (#44): Is your FW snark a veiled swipe at Batiuk? :-)
ElkMeadowMay 18th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#50):
In the mid-1980’s, I was living in Chehalis, Washington (“It’s not Hell, but you can see it from here.”) The two-button light switches were in at least two apartment buildings I was in. One of the buildings also had delivery doors, where the grocery store would go up the back stairs of the apartment building, and put your stuff in a small cupboard that was by your door, and you had a door on the other side to take it into your apartment. The cash register at one hotel had a lot of extra keys on it, including “breakfast, lunch, dinner, laundry, housekeeping.”
Mark BMay 18th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]
Drew is missing a bet. Liza has obviously figured him out, and is trying to entice him with a ticket to see a gay porn movie in Spanish. “The Hombres” has gotten lots of great reviews, and Liza’s offer to take him means she’s finally accepted his rejection for what it is. It’s a measure of her magnaminity that she’s accepted him as he is, and is willing to share it with him.
Mark BMay 18th, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]
Um, the name of the movie is “The Hombres Game”. Kind of like “The Crying Game.” That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Alan's AddictionMay 18th, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]
One can only imagine the horrifically twisted position Spider-Man must be in to be hoisted up by his left arm and right hand. However, and this is the important part; he still has his left hand free. I want to know how he goes from having a free hand with which to grab, punch, or frantically scrabble at the ground. He’s also being held in such a way that he’s at a convenient groin-height, yet he’s still somehow captured. Of all of this strip’s numerous sins against intelligence and common sense, not only is this the gravest, but the strip passed on the chance to become the greatest story in all of literature. That’s right; based on the evidence at hand, Spider-Man passed up the chance to punch an effeminate, ineffectual vampire in the gonads, thereby freeing himself and potentially winning the battle, not to mention how awesome such an event would look in a comic strip.
Based on today’s “Apartment 3G,” it seems fairly safe to say that Paul is self-centered, callous, overly-competitive, and self-absorbed. Basically, he’s a less-masculine version of Margo.
Today’s “B.C.” displays an appalling lack of knowledge about how armor or shellls work. Know what you call a shell that stops a spear from killing you? Effective. It’s true that the proto-human in the strip did catch up to the turtle, but that’s probably because turtles are slow and awkward, not because of the spear or the shell. And our early ancestor still has to work through the shell’s tough outer layers to get to the tasty meat inside. I guess what I’m saying is, both the turtle and the man are in a lose-lose situation, and I’m irritated by the writers of “B.C.” for their lack of basic biological knowledge.
May 18th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]
S-M: Spidey’s about to become a Spider-Man/Batman hybrid. He can watch TV all day while scientists study his biology. Sweet deal until the probing!
FW: Les’s wildest imagination is depressingly boring (or is that boringly depressing?) and contrived — something he has in common with his creator since 1992.
A3G: “I’m — hmph! — macho! Not a wuss who does ladies stuff at weddings! Grunt! Grunt!”
Dilbert: Just STAY OUT OF DINGBURG!
Bring me the Hart of Johnny on a PlatterMay 18th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]
I like the use of onomatopoeia in today’s BC.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 18th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]
S-M: “Spider-Man’s blood… making me… so… lethargic. Must… watch… Cake… Boss.”
A3G: This is a new experience for Lu Ann Powers. Thanks to Paul, she’s not the dumbest blonde in the room.
BC: Uh, Turtletop, your still alive. Without the shell–presumably the keratin in question–the spear would have gone straight through your flesh. The evolutionary benefits are still in effect.
GT: “That seem fair to you?”
“Nope.”
“Me neither. Not really our problem, though, is it?”
“Guess not.”
“See you tomorrow, Kaz.”
FW: If Les is letting his imagination run away with itself, he should really try and catch up with it. That way he could write books without loved ones dying first.
H&J: Young Leroy Lockhorn gets an early start.
BB: The sun is setting while the sky is still light blue. Maybe there is something to this May 21 thing.
H&L: Does Chip actually think Trixie has her own income, or is Hi just being a cynical asshole? Both are plausible, but my money is on the latter.
Phantom: “Sorry, not all old jungle sayings can be good.*” Old jungle saying
*In the Bandar tongue, natch.
JP: Uh-uh, coppers. Constance has the exclusive rights to this suicide. New York’s finest have been screwed by Dewey Cheatham yet again.
Agnes: Agnes got sent to the principal’s office for talking about her face slipping off her skull? Doesn’t the school have a drug counselor?
Blondie: Dagwood will return your DVD when he’s done writing that epic Harry Weasley/Snape slashfic.
RMMD: You want proof that Anthony Amato is involved? If only there were someone who could testify to that involvement. Someone, say, with two felony convictions and a reason to talk. But no, there doesn’t seem to be any such person around. Might as well keep talking to the middle-aged GP dressed for the clubs.
Doctor HandsomeMay 18th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]
I’m not saying Les is a shitty writer, but even when his imagination runs away with itself, it’s spectacularly unimaginative.
GulielmaMay 18th, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]
Luann: Oh, shut it, Crystal.
Lio: A boy and his cephalopod…
PBS: Larry takes his small wins where he can.
Spiderman: I’m thinking that either vampire biting Spidey will have the same result as in a “Fanboy and Chum-Chum” episode, where the vampire realizes he’s bitten the kid before, and that it made him flatulent, dumb, and addicted to video games.
FW: Batiuk has clearly never heard about “development hell.” Yeah, it took the guy who optioned “Atlas Shrugged” almost a decade to get his film on the screen, but “Hollywood” will jump right on “Lisa’s Story” a week from next Tuesday. Not that I’m a fan of Ayn Rand or anything.
Piranha Club: And, for the rest of the week, Ernie fumbling to ask Doris if Arnold is the father of the kid. Hope she hits him hard.
John MichaelsonMay 18th, 2011 at 11:06 am [Reply]
I thought Johnny Hart was a die-hard bible thumper. How did the word “evolutionary” make it into one of his strips?
MibbitmakerMay 18th, 2011 at 11:06 am [Reply]
Curtis: I’m stuck between naivete (“Reality” shows are real!) and cynicism (“Reality” shows are totally scripted!). Mibbit in the Middle.
DT: Shouldn’t Dick Tracy labels be rectangular? I like the new new Dick Tracy, but some things just shouldn’t be messed with!
S4th: Unfinished business! Un-unfinish it, Ces.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 18th, 2011 at 11:06 am [Reply]
@Doctor Handsome (#51): I can see the resulting headline:
YANKEE LINEUP TAKES TO STANDS, BEATS ORANGE-SUITED DOUCHEBAG, WINS PUBLIC’S HEART
May 18th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]
@TheDiva (#42):
Re: making a funny, I’m pretty sure it was Urkel, if anyone.
Doctor HandsomeMay 18th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]
Is lofting a spear in a half-assed, lazy little arc like that really the best technique? Sure, it worked this time, but it was a fucking turtle. You could have easily just walked over there and picked it up with your hands.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 18th, 2011 at 11:10 am [Reply]
@Dood (#31):
Pluggers: Can this cartoon exist without Reed Hoover of Dallas, Texas? Discuss.
What Hoover says whenever he has an idea for a Pluggers cartoon:
http://vac.3itechnology.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Cheap-Eureka-Style-DCF-21-Vacuum-Filter.jpg
Scott BotMay 18th, 2011 at 11:10 am [Reply]
Pluggers – I think Brookins has come up with the ultimate artwork for his strip. There are so many potential captions that could be matched up with that drawing, from ‘you’re a Plugger if you have to tell those damned kids to get off your lawn’ to ‘you’re a Plugger if you have to squint at the menu at Ponderosa’ to ‘the Plugger wedding outfit’.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 18th, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#50): Glad to know the Spouse’s surgery went well. And hey, the car gets an exciting new door!
Baka GaijinMay 18th, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]
@Mr. O’Malley (#Y293): “@Baka Gaijin (#273): Not to mention your new-found ability to make free long distance calls.” Shhhhh. No one’s supposed to know. The phone narcs are everywhere!
MaryAnnTheRestMay 18th, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]
Today’s Luann reminded me of the much funnier Joel Stickley blog, How to Write Badly Well. Lesson: Choose one character to bully.
http://writebadlywell.blogspot.com/2011/02/choose-one-character-to-bully.html
Seriously, Evans, when your strip’s schtick is a lesson in How to Write Badly Well, try to come up with another damn idea.
MibbitmakerMay 18th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]
Marvin: Armstrong better be careful if he’s ever in Wisconsin.
Other Coast: Wings, maybe.
MW: Uh-oh… that’s her horse’s-head-in-the-bed look! (“Fatal Attraction” jokes being worn out by now)
Mark BMay 18th, 2011 at 11:17 am [Reply]
Judge Parker: Cheatham Publishing split up from their merger with Dewey & Howe? First I’ve heard of it.
Puzzled in PeoriaMay 18th, 2011 at 11:17 am [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#72): Or…You’re a Plugger if you fit into cat genes.
Mark BMay 18th, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]
Mark Trail: That perspective only works if the tree is the size of a skyscraper and the squirrel is 300 ft tall.
Mordock999May 18th, 2011 at 11:19 am [Reply]
Today’s Luann – 05/18/2011
Meanwhile at the Pittsville Public Library…..,
Gunther – “And then, Ms Phelps said:
“Tiffany, You wanted to HELP the school and You DID.”
“Your Pageant was Pure!”
“And Your HEART was BIG!”
Gunther – “….And do You know what happened THEN, Kids?”
The Kids – “No! WHAT, Unca Gunther?”
Gunther -”Well in Pittsville, they say, that A Tearful Tiffany’s Boobs grew THREE sizes that DAY! And THEN the TRUE meaning of Chris…,”
The Kids – “Her Boobs, Unca Gunther?”
Gunther – “No! I MEANT Her Butt! NO,NO, I MEANT Her Heart! Her HEART!!!!”
____________
DEATH to TJ!!!
May 18th, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]
@John Michaelson (#66):
I thought Johnny Hart was a die-hard bible thumper. How did the word “evolutionary” make it into one of his strips?
B.C. “evolved” after Hart’s grandson — Mason Mastroianni — took over.
GregMay 18th, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]
And yet excessive and gratuitous onomatopoeia is a pre-evolutionary adaptation. Hart Studios for the win!
(Wait. What? I think I’m drunk…)
KatyMay 18th, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#50): Heck. HECK. Um, here are the good parts about yesterday:
1) The damage to his car will teach him to cut that shit out and not get sick again.
2) You have a few days before he’s energetic enough to get mad.
All joking aside, it’s been my experience that after a terrifying health issue settles down, either the patient or the caregivers, or both, have weird reactions. For instance, my sister and I both spent the first [mumble] decades of our lives pretty much napping like tortoises, but after her gigantic scary surgery, we both started having anxiety attacks. It was bewildering.
So if you think you’re losing your mind, the chances are very, very high that you’re not. You’re reacting normally to an abnormal situation, and personally, I give big ups to Ativan.
ApemanMay 18th, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#7):
Difference 1: Random blonde woman on the left and Margo have merged.
Difference 2: Random blonde woman on the right’s hair has grown 3 inches.
Difference 3: Two men have appeared in the background to snark on Paul for catching the bouquet.
Difference 4: Luann appears suddenly on the far right, demonstrating a previously-unknown ability to teleport.
Difference 5: The curtain has moved from the doorway (at right) to the window where it belongs.
Difference 6: When I looked at panel 1, I was merely disinterested. After looking at panel 2, I find I am now depressed.
May 18th, 2011 at 11:33 am [Reply]
@Bring me the Hart of Johnny on a Platter (#62):
I like the use of onomatopoeia in today’s BC.
According to Wiley’s Dictionary, “onomatopoeia” is a species of tomato plant named after Apolo Ohno and Edgar Allan Poe.
Effluvius ErratusMay 18th, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]
Spider-Chump, Spider-Chump, about as heroic as a lumpy dump,
Is he dumb? Listen, chum, the vampire villain just saved his bum,
Look out! Here comes the Spider-chump!
JP: I had my doubts about Constance, but now that she’s telling bald-faced lies to the police that may well result in a woman’s death, all for the sake of garnering some publicity for her client, I know she’s right at home here in Parkerville.
CalicoMay 18th, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#2):
Wind in the Willows playing “Tea for Two”
The sky was yellow and the sun was blue
May 18th, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#5):
More Weird Sound Effects (from the same people who bring you B.C.):
http://www.creators.com/comics/dogs-of-c-kennel.html
Scott BotMay 18th, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]
@Puzzled in Peoria (#78): I like that one!
Now all we need is the ultimate Pluggers caption: ‘You’re a Plugger if you’re pissed off about everything and anything.’
Fashion PoliceMay 18th, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (#26):
Certainly a possibility, although one would have hoped for an Elizabethan ruff as well.
May 18th, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]
MW – I’ve never had tickets to an Hombres Game – is that something like a Donkey Show? I kind of hope so.
A3G – Enjoy the flowers now, Paul – it’s going to be tough to get back home with a knife in your rear tire.
S4th – I actually kind of feel for Ted, being a high-anxiety, hold on to things kind of person myself.
commodorejohnMay 18th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]
A3G – Words could only detract from the hilarity. Ahhh…
BS – Did…did I just see a giant rat humping a small dog while a man in an Aztec Valkyrie costume reads the newspaper? …did I inhale PVC fumes this morning or something?
Bizarro – Oh great, now Google is buying out childhood. When is the FTC going to put a stop to this?
Crankshaft – Crankshaft isn’t on the cutting edge of human development. Crankshaft transcends human development. He will be stomping moodily around far-future Ohio eons after the human race is dead and gone.
DT – Nice of them to borrow the steel-mill set from Terminator 2. I’m sure this isn’t foreshadowing at all.
FW – “Vampire Lisa’s Story” isn’t half so stupid a premise as “Funky gets sent back in time, wanders around aimlessly, accomplishes nothing, and learns nothing,” that’s for sure.
GT – Oh man, are they going to double Escher-punch Cheating Bar Owner? Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease…
JP – The amazing human mange, ladies and gentlemen.
MT – So…if John (Fucking) Thrasher is Jesus, is this Mark’s Damascus road experience?
OBH – Ohmygod, it’s a crazy cat lady! There just aren’t enough of them in the comics.
Pluggers – Pluggers are big fat fucks. And they seem pretty open about it.
SF – Ted is still worried about his wife’s old diary because he simply cannot conceive of outgrowing the ideas you had as a child.
WoI – Ah, the old Gideon ploy…
Fashion PoliceMay 18th, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]
We would dearly love to see the lumber-headed Mr. Linski marry Mrs. Powers and carry her off to Hoboken and freeing up space in the old apartment for Miss Emma St. John. The chance for prolonged suffering under the tutelage of Miss Margo Magee and a closetful of clothing from the Frank Bolle collection may well be a penance that would tempt her down off the ledge.
Esther BlodgettMay 18th, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#86): Damn you for making me think about Spider-Man’s bum.
commodorejohnMay 18th, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]
@Fashion Police (#93): That would be pretty great, but it’d upset the blonde-brunette-ginger balance of the apartment. Maybe they could take Constance instead, and Margo could ruthlessly mock her neo-hippy Fourth Doctor outfit.
CharterstonedMay 18th, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]
A3G – Does this mean that Luanne has a shot at catching the garter?
Uncle LumpyMay 18th, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#86):
… about as heroic as a lumpy dump …
Hey, gimme a little bran and I hold my own, thank you very much.
Esther BlodgettMay 18th, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#73): That’s the spirit! And if nothing else, when life hands you lemons, write a blog post about lemonade. (Just don’t let Hollywood get their butchering hands on it.)
TaggedMay 18th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]
Dilbert: Why don’t you just ‘desert’ your company & and get it over with if you’re taking points from a book only high-schoolers read anymore?
Rocky StoneaxeMay 18th, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]
Mark Trail — Fortunately, a couple of soldiers show up in time to rescue Mark and take out the giant squirrel:
http://scienceblogs.com/tetrapodzoology/upload/2007/03/megasquirrel.jpg
Baka GaijinMay 18th, 2011 at 12:39 pm [Reply]
Pluggers: What’s with the ugly mug on that plugger. He must have just found out the only all-you-can-eat restaurant he’s allowed in is Sweet Tomatoes. Salad and soup. Bah! Old Country Buffet, Fire Mountain, Ryan’s Steakhouse, HomeTown Buffet, Golden Corral, Cici’s Pizza, Furr’s Family Dining, Ponderosa Steakhouse and now the Sizzler have all banned him for DWP, Dining While Plugger.
commodorejohnMay 18th, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#101): Pluggers have put more buffets out of business than the entire health department.
Mark BMay 18th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#98): Cave Johnson [from the game Portal 2] had the ultimate take on making Lemonade:
All right, I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”
Baka GaijinMay 18th, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#102): Ha ha! Pluggers are fat. Yup, that’s the joke. No, the joke is they’re fat and ignorant. Ha ha. Ahem.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 18th, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]
@Doctor Handsome (#70):
I tossed a spear into the air,
it came to earth, I know not where.
(but later found, it was stuck in,
a tortoise shell, made of keratin.)
May 18th, 2011 at 12:46 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#95):
Miss Darling might work out at that, although she would have to go a few shades ligher as well.
However, consider that Dr. Emma St. John, Ph.D. might well conclude that serving her penance as a blonde and consequently inheriting Mrs. Powers’ IQ might further slake her craving for chastisement.
Baka GaijinMay 18th, 2011 at 12:46 pm [Reply]
Luann: Miss Phelps, arm around Tiffany’s shoulder, looks deeply into the teen’s eyes and asks if she knows the story of Sappho.
Mark Trail: Mark’s toast. Andy’s focused his laser-sharp mind on getting that giant squirrel.
Mary Worth: Drew’s next date will be that ugly black and white dogthing in Mother Goose. Yes, I made a piñata joke.
Pseudo3DMay 18th, 2011 at 12:51 pm [Reply]
@Puzzled in Peoria (#27): That should’ve been rats with fuzzy tails, sorry.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 18th, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]
squirrels are rats with feather boas.
Baka GaijinMay 18th, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]
This may be a rerun but I wholeheartedly approve. Dead clowns and a child prodigy genius in the final panel. What’s not to love?
Effluvius ErratusMay 18th, 2011 at 12:54 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#Y213) & @Esther Blodgett (#94): Why do people always blame me for their own sex-thoughts about comic characters?
Is it because I say stuff like, “Liza is grossly mistaken if she thinks she can seduce Dr. Drew by imitating Mary’s ‘I’m coming’ face in panel 2″ or “If I had proportional spider-strength and someone trying to murder me had me in a stranglehold, I’d do a lot more than let my arms hang limply at my side while I look wistfully upward and away. Then again, I’m not into choking games”?
That hardly seems fair.
Baka GaijinMay 18th, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#111): AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! Mary’s O-face!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! At least I have a few hours before bedtime to get that image out of my mind. Ces’ Super Happy Clown Comic can counteract the squick.
fluffyMay 18th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]
One of my coworkers would always refer to the singular woman in any given development group as “the group’s female.” That creeped me out to no end.
commodorejohnMay 18th, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]
@fluffy (#113): Did they later find taxidermied corpses in his apartment? If not, they should take a look – might be something there.
Fashion PoliceMay 18th, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#95):
It belatedly occurred to us that Miss Magee may have difficulty belittling Miss Darling’s “neo-hippy Fourth Doctor outfit” since it is rather more chic than anything the Bolle Collection has to offer.
We still hold to the faint dream that Mr. Barreto could recover his health sufficiently to allow Mr. Bolle his much-deserved retirement, or that Ms. June Bridgman is eager to get back in the traces. We were not completely satisfied with Ms. Bridgman’s work but she certainly belongs in the first division. Otherwise, we have every certainty that somewhere there exists a young, talented woman eager to restore Apartment 3-G to its gloriously stylish heritage.
Pseudo3DMay 18th, 2011 at 1:13 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#92): Re: FW: The “Funky gets sent back in time” storyline was a good idea but promptly ruined. If Batiuk wasn’t such a sucky writer, there could be room for good in Funky Winkerbean. BATIUK, WHEREVER YOU ARE, YOU SUCK!
terrapinMay 18th, 2011 at 1:26 pm [Reply]
MT: You know what would be funny? If John Thrasher used this opportunity to give Mark a golden shower. But that won’t happen.
RMMD: How ironic is it that the words “We’d love to jail that guy.” are being spoken by OJ Simpson?
FW: Yeah, that’s the nice way to say “I think you’re a bleeping idiot”.
Victor VonMay 18th, 2011 at 1:26 pm [Reply]
I don’t think the Turtle is “beloved” so much as he is “extant.” Which puts him on par with all the other characters in BC.
cheech wizardMay 18th, 2011 at 1:31 pm [Reply]
A3G – I don’t know about Paul’s coach, but every one I ever had would have banished me to the Glee Club if he’d gotten wind that I snatched the bouquet at a wedding. In fact, the whole team probably would have kicked my ass.
FW – “You’re letting your imagination run away with itself.” Considering this is coming from his dead wife, this is like your State Farm agent telling you you’re buying too much insurance.
MT – It would seem that John has disappeared into the mountains in order to become one with the shrubbery. But if Mark can wrestle with him all day and all night, perhaps the Indians will receive the gift of corn.
RMMD – “We’d sure like to catch that guy. But first, I need to find out if that smug waiter is boning my ex-wife Nicole. I’d hate to see her lose her head over a guy like that.”
Old School Allie CatMay 18th, 2011 at 1:33 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#103): Ah, man – we have been enjoying the hell out of Portal 2. My husband is scurrying to finish it before Amazon delivers LA Noire. So much about that game is quotable.
TophatMay 18th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]
I actually feel bad for Nameless Blonde Girl One and Two in Apartment 3G today. They obviously summoned their last remaining strength and pried themselves out of the hideous purple mass of humanity to catch that bouquet, not because they want to get married but because they hoped having the damn thing would give them enough personality to protect them from being reabsorbed. The look of terror on Nameless Blonde Girl Two in the second panel is heartbreaking as we watch them slowly get drawn back into the background, her hair wildly changing styles as she mutters “noooooooo” under her breath.
trey le parcMay 18th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]
S-M: This strip deliverson the basic premise of the comics; I laugh every time I see and read it. But Steve Ditko would not be amused. Stan Lee probably would be amused, if he could extract a licensing fee from my amusement.
Peanut GalleryMay 18th, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]
Edge City – Sanderson Scooper?
This GuyMay 18th, 2011 at 2:30 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#8): Sure, they’re mentioning it, but I think they’re mocking it. “Oh, if your crazy theory is real, then how’s come a guy with a spear can kill a turtle? Ha, I’ve beaten you with your precious ‘logic’!”
@Faoladh (#28): Oh, indeed they have read it. They know that in addition to being fat, pluggers fear and abhor change in any form. To a plugger, nothing is funnier than a joke that’s been repeated over and over for years–in fact, nothing else is funny at all.
Baka GaijinMay 18th, 2011 at 2:32 pm [Reply]
Nancy: No snark but that’s some great parenting Fritzi.
tb4000May 18th, 2011 at 2:32 pm [Reply]
S-M: I think Stan the Man has forgotten that his most famous Marvel creation is supposed to be SAVING people from supervillains, not constantly getting captured by them.
Ned RyersonMay 18th, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#101): This just in….plugger has just been banned from Duff’s Smorgasbord.
Scott BotMay 18th, 2011 at 2:42 pm [Reply]
Pluggers – I know this is supposed to be a joke about Pluggers and their double extra large shirts, but I look at the drawing and all I see is “Pluggers say ‘Fuck you.’”
Baka GaijinMay 18th, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]
@Ned Ryerson (#127): It figures. After Pluggercat filed that lawsuit against Duff’s because their “all you can eat” wasn’t “all he could eat” what else could Duff’s do? [*]
UncleJeffMay 18th, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#85): ooooooooooooooooooooohhhh. (smacks forehead)
UncleJeffMay 18th, 2011 at 2:51 pm [Reply]
@Ned Ryerson (#127): This also just in….Pluggers are barred from the Jolly Troll Smorgasbord. The Jolly Troll went out of business in the 1980s but this is a special retroactive ban for Pluggers.
Effluvius ErratusMay 18th, 2011 at 2:55 pm [Reply]
@UncleJeff (#131): Sort of like Skynet trying to kill Sarah Connor?
DoodMay 18th, 2011 at 3:02 pm [Reply]
If Plugger dogs tend to marry Plugger chickens, what do Plugger cats marry? Plugger mice?
LaziestManOnMarsMay 18th, 2011 at 3:03 pm [Reply]
:::Sigh::: A turtle’s shell is comprised of bones that have fused together, and the whole thing is covered in a layer skin, of which the modified scales are made of keratin. Saying that the “evolutionary benefits of keratin” didn’t protect the turtle is akin to saying: “I survived my accident because the layer of paint on my car was tough enough to withstand the impact.”
Please don’t get your science facts from BC.
DoodMay 18th, 2011 at 3:05 pm [Reply]
Regarding B.C., isn’t it keratin all the way down?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 18th, 2011 at 3:09 pm [Reply]
@This Guy (#124): evolving, like a bossturtle.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 18th, 2011 at 3:10 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#101):
Cat Plugger likes his sushi the same way he likes his women (NSFW):
http://rageagainstthemanchine.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/good_sushisized.jpg
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 18th, 2011 at 3:11 pm [Reply]
Hang in there, Norm!
sleepy weezoh squee.
Black DrazonMay 18th, 2011 at 3:14 pm [Reply]
Judging by the look on the caveman’s face in the final panel of BC, there’s a lot to be said about hiding in a patch of marijuana, too.
LiamMay 18th, 2011 at 3:14 pm [Reply]
Apartment 3G-Since whoever catches the bouguet next and Paul did it for his coach that means he is going to make his coach one lucky man.
MW-Drew, those tickets literally have your name on them. Liza bought them in your name. Looking at the expression on Liza’s face Drew is going to go to that game even if she has to break into his house in the middle of the night, tie him up, and toss him in the trunk of her car.
MT-Since we don’t see who Mark is talking to I am going to assume that he his talking to Jesus. Mark is such a man that the Almighty calls on him to reconcile his personal problems.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 18th, 2011 at 3:19 pm [Reply]
4:20 bunny.
Randrew CoxMay 18th, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]
I that turtle is going to be ok.
Randrew CoxMay 18th, 2011 at 3:35 pm [Reply]
I guess i thought the work think.
The RidgerMay 18th, 2011 at 3:36 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#103): My favorite take on ‘life and lemons’.
Puzzled in PeoriaMay 18th, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]
A spear hit the shell
But if turtles wore girdles
Spears would often miss
May 18th, 2011 at 3:47 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#11): Another personal hole-related story to add to yours: The teenage boy next door is sort of permanent fixture in my house. Annoying kid, poor attention span, not too bright, but mostly harmless; doesn’t like his stepdad and his mom’s not quite all there, so he’s latched onto my son, about his age.
One Sunday morning, my family departs an all-day, family-only event. The kid next door, sitting in a lawn chair in his driveway, waves goodbye. When we return that night, he’s sound asleep in the same lawnchair, but there is now a five-by-five foot hole in the kid’s yard. Seems that soon after we left, he started digging, and continued going deeper and wider into the ground, until he had a nice big hole. For the next 2 weeks, he enlarged this hole, day and night, until it was the size of a nice pit trap. Then his stepdad made him fill it in.
Calvin's Cardboard BoxMay 18th, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]
@Dood (#135):
The acronym is such a cliche at this point, I feel the need to spell it out: I literally laughed out loud at your comment.
kanomiMay 18th, 2011 at 3:49 pm [Reply]
Blondie: Why does a boy who is old enough to have a newspaper route and his own Xbox feel the need to sit in another family’s living room and play with a giant red toy car?
Does Elmo make “vroom, vroom” noises while pushing the plastic contraption in sad little half-circles around the Bumsteads’ rumpus room?
Mary Worth: Does Liza pitch for the santa Royale Hombres? Because she’s leading the league in strikeouts. (Mark Trail, of course, tops the charts in slugging percentage.)
Pluggers: Not sure how long Pluggers has been … plugging … this blog in the comic, a site where you can buy blurry paintings of old trucks, but isn’t that against the Comics Code or something? It’d be like if Beetle Bailey had an URL hawking golf-themed hip replacements every day.
Ziggy: Excuse me waiter, but there’s a pantless ament in your restaurant.
Calvin's Cardboard BoxMay 18th, 2011 at 3:56 pm [Reply]
@ArchieNemesis (#146):
Whew! For a while, I was worried you were talking about my teenage stepson. However, he would never have the energy to dig a pit that large.
Last summer, he and his friend had the bright idea of building a dirt ramp to ride bicycles off of (a bicycle is no longer a mode of transportation, it is a vector to use for launching yourself into the air). They spent about two hours digging a hole and building the ramp next to it. Got a pit about 2 feet deep and a ramp about 1 foot high. (This is New Hampshire, so the granite-to-dirt ratio is pretty high.) Then they ran out of steam and left to go ride skateboards.
Two weeks later, I decided to fill in the hole in the middle of the lawn. The kid came home while I was doing this and flipped out. “I was working on that!” I promised to stop. Two months later, once the grass had grown over everything, I was able to fill it in without him even remembering it had existed.
May 18th, 2011 at 4:01 pm [Reply]
@ArchieNemesis (#146): When we were kids, we had this ideal to make an underground fort, so we excavated a pit in a corner of a field which was never plowed. Once the pit was finished, we covered it with a sheet of plywood, and covered the plywood with dirt, and the whole thing was only accessible from a tunnell wich was hidden with underbrush. The whole thing was pretty much invisible, and we had great fun with it for a month or so, until the spring plowing. The man plowing the field used that corner of the field to turn the tractor around, or at least he tried to until the tractor fell in. We got into SO much trouble …
Mark BMay 18th, 2011 at 4:02 pm [Reply]
Idea, not ideal … also which, not wich … use preview next time …
Baka GaijinMay 18th, 2011 at 4:03 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#137): That image is both appealing and repellent, unlike Pluggers who are only the latter.
@kanomi (#148): “Golf-themed hip replacements.” Your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
cheech wizardMay 18th, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]
@Dood (#135): But once you get through the keratin, it’s nothing but turtle. All the way.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 18th, 2011 at 4:09 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#79): I thought that 300-foot-tall squirrels did represent the working perspective in Mark Trail.
cheech wizardMay 18th, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]
@kanomi (#148): re: Pluggers shilling for a blog. I don’t know – if Brooke can get away with repeatedly hyping Edie Ernst, Long-Winded Old Nazifucker, the syndicates must not have any real strict rules about it.
ArchieNemesisMay 18th, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#150): Great story. Loved building forts as a kid. Don’t sweat the typos, some days clicking both Preview and Post is just too much effort for me too.
gnome de blogMay 18th, 2011 at 4:21 pm [Reply]
@ArchieNemesis (#146):
When I was 10-11 years old my brother and I decided to dig a hole out behind the barn. I can’t remember why. This was up in the high semi-desert country north of Mt. Shasta, near the Oregon-California line and about 4,300 feet elevation. The soil was pretty sandy so the digging was easy, but the sides caved in pretty easy too. We got it about 3 feet deep and maybe 4 feet across, which wasn’t bad considering I was maybe 4′6″ at the time. The next morning a half-inch or so of water had seeped in. Since that country is higher and drier than anything Mark and Andy are likely to encounter around Lost Forest, I don’t understand why Mark isn’t up to his knees in soggy bottom.
May 18th, 2011 at 4:30 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#154):
The Trailiverse is non-Euclidean and has a similar relationship to perspective as the AbbeySpencerverse has to gravity and the female anatomy.
May 18th, 2011 at 4:37 pm [Reply]
@gnome de blog (#157): Depends on where the water table is. Some older guys I knew dug a massive pit out in the woods when I was a kid and it stayed pretty dry except for when it rained. They covered it up with logs and built a below-ground hideout – must have been 5-6 feet deep, perhaps more.
Mark BMay 18th, 2011 at 4:38 pm [Reply]
@Old School Allie Cat (#120): Yeah I love the writing in Portal. The game play is good, but not really all that different than Portal 1. There’s a few new elements, but they are easy to figure out. I loved all of the little environmental details, it took me about twice as long to finish as I could have, because I wanted to explore as much of the environment as I could, instead of just rushing through.
VoxelMay 18th, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]
B.C.: Commenting on the freakshow surmounting deformities usually showcased here is sort of unnecessary, but I must remark on Thor’s harpoon-foot in panel three;
Remark on Thor’s harpoon-foot in panel three: What the hell? Was this drawn by a cephalopod?
May 18th, 2011 at 4:41 pm [Reply]
@gnome de blog (#157): Do kids need a reason to dig holes? That’s just kind of what you do as a kid, at least in my experience.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 18th, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#162): “diggin’ to China, brb”
kids and dogs.
Puzzled in PeoriaMay 18th, 2011 at 4:54 pm [Reply]
What’s more fun then digging a hole?
Watching someone dig a hole!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enmQ9kEOVKI&feature=related
Jamus The BartenderMay 18th, 2011 at 4:57 pm [Reply]
Slylock: I like it when Cassandra reprimands ME in a loud voice* drumshot*
gleebMay 18th, 2011 at 4:57 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#44): Right. That’d be like pretending Bull was never a thuggish bully and Creep Les his submissively urinating victim.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 18th, 2011 at 5:01 pm [Reply]
Ika & Ishmael need a cross over.
Jamus The BartenderMay 18th, 2011 at 5:03 pm [Reply]
FW: “…Les and Lisa are vampires, whaddya think?” As Seth Green once put it, “That actually explains a whole lot.”
Buck RipsnortMay 18th, 2011 at 5:03 pm [Reply]
Beetle Beetle discovers his Madonna fetish — the Holy one, not the pop singer.
bats :[May 18th, 2011 at 5:03 pm [Reply]
@Bring me the Hart of Johnny on a Platter (#62): fabuloso screen name!!!
@John Michaelson (#66): Mr. Hart died some years ago. Does that make him a dead-hard Bible thumper?
@LaziestManOnMars (#134): that’s what Wikipedia is for! (And spot on about turtle shell — I’m gonna go smooch my turtle, Tank Girl, now, since I didn’t need to see a speared turtle)
Oh…this is for KarMann. He was wondering about the feasibility (or pokability) of certain individuals…
ElkMeadowMay 18th, 2011 at 5:13 pm [Reply]
@John Michaelson (#66):
Maybe because Johnny Hart is dead?
Scott BotMay 18th, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]
@John Michaelson (#66): When Mr. Hart passed on, it went from a boring strip with creepy evangelical overtones to a plain boring strip.
Mr. O'MalleyMay 18th, 2011 at 5:18 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#150): When I was a kid a bunch of us were out in the woods when someone spotted a hole about 2 feet wide in the side of a hill. The bravest of us crawled in and after a while we heard his voice telling us we should all come in after him. We did so and found ourselves in an underground chamber big enough to hold about 8 people. It had been dug as a pit about 15 feet deep and then roofed over, and the roof let in some light.
Later we tried to look at the roof from the top, but it was on the side of a hill covered with thick brush, so we weren’t able to find it.
I suppose it was built by some previous generation of kids, more industrious than our own.
kkarenbMay 18th, 2011 at 5:24 pm [Reply]
@Edgy DC (#24):
In 1961 the society page would have been called the “Women’s Section.”
A3G – “The coach would have benched me if I’d missed this pass.” What sport involves teams of men throwing bouquets at each other?
Pluggers – 2XL? That’s at least a 5XL.
VioletMay 18th, 2011 at 5:33 pm [Reply]
That is clearly a sunrise and not a sunset in today’s Beetle Bailey, but I think there’s a fairly straightforward explanation: they’ve been up all night and Miss Buxley is still very, very drunk. I wouldn’t extend yourself overmuch with the flattery, Beetle; it’s pretty much in the bag.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 18th, 2011 at 5:34 pm [Reply]
You know, one of the things I love about this site is that an extended “holes I have known” discussion can spring up, without its becoming some weird Rule-34-type thing.
Effluvius ErratusMay 18th, 2011 at 5:35 pm [Reply]
@kkarenb (#174):
What sport involves teams of men throwing bouquets at each other?
Well, people throw flowers to the victors in bullfighting. And joutsing (the official state sport of Maryland). Does that count?
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 18th, 2011 at 5:42 pm [Reply]
@Mordock999 (#80): DEATH to TJ!!!
Haven’t seen him in a while. Maybe he’s dead.
@tb4000 (#126): I think Stan the Man has forgotten that his most famous Marvel creation is supposed to be SAVING people from supervillains, not constantly getting captured by them.
Well, he’s keeping them busy enough that they’re not bothering anybody he’s not married to.
@Puzzled in Peoria (#164): What’s more fun then digging a hole?
Watching someone dig a hole!
“It takes a village to dig a hole.” —Me
May 18th, 2011 at 5:50 pm [Reply]
@Puzzled in Peoria (#164):
What’s more fun then digging a hole?
Lady cops and waitresses!
Effluvius ErratusMay 18th, 2011 at 5:55 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#179): That’s it, I quit! I’m joining the Jungle Patrol to dig a hole!
Pseudo3DMay 18th, 2011 at 5:55 pm [Reply]
Because McEldowney fancies himself as an artiste, wouldn’t it make more sense if he spent time improving the artwork on the strip? Seems it hasn’t changed much in years.
Likewise, if Tom “I Want A Pulitzer” Batiuk finds that the cancer obsession (fetish?) isn’t working out, maybe he should try another topic that’s not trite or sounds like an author tract. However, without shifting gears too much, he can probably have Les slip into complete insanity while returning focus to the titular character.
CrankenstankMay 18th, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]
You know, I’m not that familiar with Vampire biology, but I have to think that drinking the blood of somebody who’s been turned into a mutant by a radioactive spider bite can’t be that healthy even for the undead.
Pseudo3DMay 18th, 2011 at 5:58 pm [Reply]
Phantom: As a superhero, Phantom is disappointing. He has no class, no elegance, no cool costume, no cool car, no invulnerabilities, and no super-strength. He could probably beat all those goons by his fists but uses a gun, which seems to me to be cheating.
LiamMay 18th, 2011 at 6:03 pm [Reply]
B.C.-That spear is pretty sharp to pierce a turtle shell and that guy is pretty strong to be able to pick up and carry the turtle one handed.
ElkMeadowMay 18th, 2011 at 6:06 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#176):
You know, one of the things I love about this site is that an extended “holes I have known” discussion can spring up, without its becoming some weird Rule-34-type thing.
Yep, me too. I always enjoy reading about these slices of life.
When we dug up out play area, we used to find “cut worms” in the clay dirt, which were big grey grubs. In a different neighborhood, we’d find yellow shrimp-like grubs in the sandy dirt and come to find out that they were Pandora moth larva. Earthworms are not native in Central Oregon.
Uncle LumpyMay 18th, 2011 at 6:28 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#185):
Cutworms are beetle larvae; they eat grassroots and “cut” your lawn from below to the point you can just roll up the grass and thatch and throw it away. There’s a very narrow window of killability before they start doing real damage.
littlestevieMay 18th, 2011 at 6:42 pm [Reply]
MW: As a loyal San Diegan, I am rather upset by the cheap ripoff of the San Diego Padres nickname to the Santa Royale Hombres. Can’t Moy do something original like the Santa Royale Meddlers or the Santa Royale Fighting Salmon Squares? Is this another one of those Maiseys things?
Mr. O'MalleyMay 18th, 2011 at 7:04 pm [Reply]
@littlestevie (#187): I think the concept of downsized sports team names has some potential:
San Francisco Moderately Tall People, Arizona Garter Snakes, Colorado Plateaus, St. Louis Bishops, Pittsburgh Downloaders, Los Angeles Circumambulators, Cincinnati Pinks, etc.
May 18th, 2011 at 7:22 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#186):
We called them “cut worms” because we would put them on a rock and cut them in half with a hoe. What seemed to be perfectly normal behavior then grosses me out now.
The RidgerMay 18th, 2011 at 7:36 pm [Reply]
MW: Drew is close to yielding. Liza knows him so well – she bought Hombres’ tickets! And he really wants to go!
Drew, you should just yield. Surrender your free will and the rest of your life. Liza will cater to your every whim and sex you up good. All you have to do whatever she says. It won’t be that bad, dude.
And you’ll get to live.
Some GuyMay 18th, 2011 at 7:49 pm [Reply]
“I dearly hope that he and his vampire bride are also speaking in heavy Transylvanian accents for no good reason.”
Then you’ll love the way Morbius talked in the 1990s Spider-Man cartoon.
ElkMeadowMay 18th, 2011 at 8:35 pm [Reply]
@The Ridger (#190):
Jareth Liza: I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave.
Helen ClarkMay 18th, 2011 at 8:38 pm [Reply]
Nurse Liza, you ninny, you don’t land a man with baseball tickets. Cripes.
Listen. ((hic)) I can see that you have your priorities in order. After all, it’s much more fun to flirt with the … well, I was going to say “interesting doctor,” but that would be overstating it a bit, now, wouldn’t it? But I certainly would rather spend my day flirting with a doctor than dabbing at the chin of some sloppy sick person.
So you need to get this straight in your blond little brain: A man can get baseball tickets from a ticket booth. You need to offer him something he can’t get ((hic)) elsewhere. Now, my understanding is that Dr. Drew has spent some time in the Far East, so the erotic bar is set rather higher. You get yourself off of that texting nonsense and onto more productive use of computing technology. I don’t spend a great deal of time on the Internet—much more enjoyable to have a cocktail down at the club—but I do believe that you could find some Internet websites that would ((hic)) expand your repertoire.
This doctor seems like a malleable sort. It wouldn’t take much to keep him interested. After all, who’s your competition? That 30-year-old woman who makes sandwiches for her father and sleeps with a ((hic)) teddy bear? You get him liquored up, you surprise him with a few expert moves, and—well, hole in one! ((hic)) as we say down at the club.
commodorejohnMay 18th, 2011 at 8:45 pm [Reply]
@Helen Clark (#193): Or rather, one in hole!
NemovirMay 18th, 2011 at 8:46 pm [Reply]
A3G: Coach would bench you? More likely the coach would hit you with a baseball bat for pissing off all the single, desperate women.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 18th, 2011 at 8:48 pm [Reply]
@Mr. O’Malley (#188): the Striped Kittens, the Tawny Kittens and the Red Down would be our local teams.
would San Fran have the Four-Ninthers? (4/9ths of a good team!)
carbunicleMay 18th, 2011 at 8:56 pm [Reply]
@menamebephil (#19): I see what you are seeing and what I see does look like a backwards foot. That is one of BC’s many drawing quirks, but this instance has been rendered a little lazily even for BC standards.
One upon a time this loosey-goosey style signaled that it was about the gag and not the art. Back when there was art on the funny pages. When A3G, Steve Canyon and Tarzan were the standard … dammit I made myself sad.
May 18th, 2011 at 9:47 pm [Reply]
MT – “My name is Mark Trail! I know your father! Prepare to die!”
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 18th, 2011 at 9:54 pm [Reply]
@Peanut Gallery (#198): Mr Trail, you don’t by chance have six fingers on your right hand?
But What Do I Know?May 18th, 2011 at 9:58 pm [Reply]
@Mr. O’Malley (#188): Not to mention the Oakland Kind-of-Good-at-Sports, the Seattle Tugboat Captains, the Minnesota Siblings, the Kansas City Aristocrats, the Washington Regionals, the Tampa Bay Imp Rays, the Chicago White Footies, the Atlanta Not-Real-Scareds, and the Arizona Garter Snakes.
But What Do I Know?May 18th, 2011 at 9:59 pm [Reply]
Darn, you said that last one already! Great minds. . .
Mark BMay 18th, 2011 at 10:05 pm [Reply]
@But What Do I Know? (#200): The Texas Deputies, the Houston ICBMs, The Dallas Calftots(NFL), the New Orleans Kind of Virtuous Guys(NFL), the Sacramento Earls(NBA), The LA Puddlers(NBA), also LA Dinghies(assuming Clippers refers to Clipper ships). This well is very deep. Almost as deep as the hole Mark Trail is in.
Mark BMay 18th, 2011 at 10:07 pm [Reply]
Eh, maybe the better name for the Houston baseball team would be the Houston Fizzlers, which also works for the NBA team.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 18th, 2011 at 10:13 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#203): If NBA is included, that would give us the Washington Gobs.
(I seem to have Arrested Development oddly on the brain lately.)
seismic-2May 18th, 2011 at 10:14 pm [Reply]
Actually, the “Hombres” sounds like the sort of team that H&J would root for. The hometown “guys”, who play that game with a ball.
And forgive me if this has been reported previously herein, but today’s Washington Post carries the following synopsis for a new TV series that is slated to be aired by CBS this fall:
The drama “A Gifted Man,” about a surgeon whose life changes when he starts getting advice from the afterlife from his deceased ex-wife, is also new to CBS’ schedule.
If he gets that advice while conversing with her on a park bench, then those folks who are predicting that May 21 will be the beginning of the end of the world will have been right. I hope.
Peanut GalleryMay 18th, 2011 at 10:31 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#9):
“2XL calling GQ…” (Isn’t there anyone on the air?)
Made me look. Your War of the Worlds reference had me thinking maybe today’s Pluggers was something to do with the upcoming Rapture. But no.
For some reason, Pluggers captions have become mixed up in my mind with caveman jokes. The caveman-Plugger caption formula is simply “A Plugger’s (fill in the blank) is a rock.” So I read today’s cartoon as “A Plugger’s T-shirt is a rock.”
Other examples:
A Plugger’s car is a rock.
A Plugger’s telephone is a rock.
A Plugger’s favorite reading material is a rock.
A Plugger’s investment portfolio is a rock.
A Plugger’s TV dinner is a rock.
A Plugger’s “significant other” is a rock.
May 18th, 2011 at 10:35 pm [Reply]
@The Ridger (#144): I heard a slightly different version of that on Stephen Colbert’s show, and it’s my favorite take on the subject:
“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Provided life also gave you water, sugar, and ice. Otherwise, that advice is just cruel.”
PoteetMay 18th, 2011 at 10:41 pm [Reply]
OBH — I just don’t find irresponsible cat ownership funny. I might feel differently if I hadn’t dealt with the consequences so often.
ElkMeadowMay 18th, 2011 at 10:52 pm [Reply]
I heard another lemons story once, can’t remember who said it:
When life gives you lemons, take them. “Hey, thanks! Lemons, just what I need. What else you got there?” Then pass the lemons off to someone else, fast.
TheDivaMay 18th, 2011 at 10:58 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#196): Around here we’d have the Ponies, the Foothills, the Chunks of Rock, and the Snowdrifts. (Actually, I can remember seasons for all four teams when these monikers would have been more accurate…)
daleMay 18th, 2011 at 11:03 pm [Reply]
Mark Trail
Aside from the questions of who dug the hole and how did they do it:
Where did they put the DIRT?
May 18th, 2011 at 11:16 pm [Reply]
S-M — “Feast on Spider-Man instead”??? Bleaarrgh! That settles it. Even if it means living forever, I don’t ever wanna be a vampire.
Uncle LumpyMay 18th, 2011 at 11:23 pm [Reply]
@dale (#211):
Where did they put the DIRT?
In the other hole. You can’t see it ’cause it’s all filled up now.
ChowderMay 18th, 2011 at 11:29 pm [Reply]
A3G: I love the way the cut of the complaining lady’s blouse changes completely between panels. It’s like the artist is trying to distract you from how conservatively plankish the outfits are by giving you more of them.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 18th, 2011 at 11:44 pm [Reply]
@littlestevie (#187), @Mr. O’Malley (#188), @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#196), @TheDiva (#210):
I did a double take the first time we drove through Lewisville, TX (near Dallas), and saw this team’s name emblazoned on a water tower:
http://lhs.lisd.net/images/indexpage/LHS%20LOGO.png
Baka GaijinMay 18th, 2011 at 11:51 pm [Reply]
@kkarenb (#174): “What sport involves teams of men throwing bouquets at each other?” Very good question. Intramural hissy-fitting perhaps?
@littlestevie (#187): “Can’t Moy do something original like the Santa Royale Meddlers or the Santa Royale Fighting Salmon Squares?” Ha ha HA!
KarMannMay 18th, 2011 at 11:52 pm [Reply]
@dale (#211): At risk of disagreeing with my esteemed colleague Uncle Lumpy, he put the dirt in the hole, of course. After all, it’s already been established that it’s bigger on the inside.
ElkMeadowMay 19th, 2011 at 12:14 am [Reply]
MW Holy crap! Liza is still at it. And she’s suppose to have patients? She’s so out of it, there must be a shortage in one of the pharmacy closets. Or Angry Birds has fried her brain.
RMMD Another day of Riley Olsen’s humiliation. The police plan to get all info on Tony and Holly from Riley. People whose last names end with the letter X are of no concern to the investigation.
ElkMeadowMay 19th, 2011 at 12:19 am [Reply]
About Mark’s pit, Prince Valiant’s story line had Mordred consigned to a pit. He had to continue to dig it himself, sending up a bucket of dirt to get a scrap of bread. After a number of years, his captors took pity on him (falling under the spell of his melodious voice, probably sounded like Alan Rickman) and freed him. He’s suppose to be sulking away in the countryside somewhere. With the current “magic” storyline, he’s probably a drinking buddy of Salazar Slytherin.
ElkMeadowMay 19th, 2011 at 12:21 am [Reply]
@Poteet (#212):
I thought having the male vampire feast on Spiderman was a bit sexist, and the female on MJ was a bit sexist. Why don’t they both feast on each? Unless FV (female vampire) suspects that Spidey might cause cancer.
This GuyMay 19th, 2011 at 12:37 am [Reply]
So these webcomic guys have done two comics in what might, who knows, become a recurring thing: a fan sequel to Calvin and Hobbes titled Hobbes and Bacon, the premise being that Calvin is (in 2011) married to Susie and they have a daughter named Bacon, after Francis Bacon. If I’d known what it was before I clicked the link the first time, I would’ve been prepared to be outraged, but… I can’t be. It’s funny, endearing, and well-drawn. It’s nice to see someone doing a C&H homage without having it be “LOL CALVIN IS PSYCHOTIC AND UNDERGOES TREATMENT.”
Chip WhittleMay 19th, 2011 at 12:43 am [Reply]
@Peanut Gallery (#206):
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#9):
“2XL calling GQ…” (Isn’t there anyone on the air?)
Made me look. Your War of the Worlds reference had me thinking maybe today’s Pluggers was something to do with the upcoming Rapture. But no.
Shouldn’t that be “2XL calling CQ”?
Real Life Adventures also did a math joke today, but as usual when people don’t actually try they made a math problem that doesn’t quite work.
Bill ThompsonMay 19th, 2011 at 12:48 am [Reply]
The Amusing Spiderman: What’s so special abour rendering Spiderman unconscious? Knocking him out is a lead-pipe cinch.
FW: I’d love to see the rejection slip that set off Batiuk’ rant. It’s bound to be more entertaining than this.
MT: It’s very reassuring to hear the deranged hermit tell you that he’s never trapped a human before. I’ll bet he tells that to all his dinners.
KarMannMay 19th, 2011 at 12:58 am [Reply]
@Bill Thompson (#223) on S-M: I thought all it took was a reasonably good daytime soap opera.
MT: What John F. Thrasher means, of course, is that no one else has been so stupid as to fall for it (so to speak) until now.
JP: Constance, given the way things look here, you just might want to clarify the meaning of the word “client” for the officer there.
Also, I thought Lucy Liu was at the jazz club, not the theater? But there she is, being *ahem* escorted away.
May 19th, 2011 at 1:03 am [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#222): re: Real Life Adventures: huh? You can easily solve for (xy), then multiply by 12. What am I missing?
Chip WhittleMay 19th, 2011 at 1:14 am [Reply]
@CanuckDownSouth (#225): You understand it perfectly; there’s no way of solving for x or for y separately, and no need to since ‘xy’ is all the problem actually calls for. But unless the problem is trying to test whether students recognize the associative property at work it’s weird to set up a problem where there’s two things that look like variables but only one actual variable. Algebra’s confusing enough to teach; messing with the meaning of symbols is bizarre, like deciding to teach the quadratic formula but only using it in base eight.
commodorejohnMay 19th, 2011 at 1:19 am [Reply]
@This Guy (#221): That’s…aww, I think I might have to start following that…*wipes away a sentimental tear*
CanuckDownSouthMay 19th, 2011 at 1:23 am [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#226): OK, but it’s a perfectly reasonable problem once you’ve moved on from single-variable to multi-variable algebra, and understanding (x)(y) = (xy) is something that should be tested. The math problem can be solved, so as far as I’m concerned it ‘works’.
Maggie the CatMay 19th, 2011 at 1:25 am [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#162): No shit… what is it with kids wanting to dig holes in the yard? My siblings and I dug holes and now my kid who is so inactive that he probably wouldn’t run from a burning building is always wanting to dig holes. WTF?
LisaMay 19th, 2011 at 1:36 am [Reply]
I’m sure I’m a little late to this party, but, Holland Dikes?!?
Uncle LumpyMay 19th, 2011 at 1:38 am [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (#229):
Boyz love teh holz. Also: stix R gunz. Fight’em!
Maggie the CatMay 19th, 2011 at 1:44 am [Reply]
@Lisa (#230): I’m ashamed I didn’t even notice his awesomely punny name.
Maggie the CatMay 19th, 2011 at 1:46 am [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#231): Travel toothbrush holders are also guns. And swords. And daggers. And pipes. And cigars.
Damned Disney and that Peter Pan… my 2yo is already a pretend violent tobacco user.
commodorejohnMay 19th, 2011 at 1:56 am [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (#229): Instinct, that’s my explanation. Some deep-rooted brain function in children imbues them with a powerful drive to dig holes in any suitable scrap of ground.
commodorejohnMay 19th, 2011 at 1:59 am [Reply]
@KarMann (#1): Well, I’m only 17 hours late in noticing this, but I nominate your 9CL comment for comment of the…I dunno, I’ll say the millenium, though that might be a bit hasty.
KarMannMay 19th, 2011 at 2:17 am [Reply]
@Lisa (#230): It gets worse. Note that Holland’s associate is Mr. Oates. Holland. . . Oates. . . .
KarMannMay 19th, 2011 at 2:26 am [Reply]
And, if I may indulge in a mention of the “classic” appearances today. . . .
Bloom County: I imagine this is what Batiuk goes through every morning in his bathroom. Just substitute “cancer” for “terrorists”, of course.
FT: Commentary on the preponderance of golf jokes in the comics, plus Mary Worth. Win. [*]
May 19th, 2011 at 2:27 am [Reply]
@KarMann (#236): Wow. I missed that. I think I got distracted by trying to figure out if Paul and Lu Ann were actually twins. Why does his mom want to see them so badly? Why does Lu Ann look like Paul with a wig today? Is this story line going to turn into some kind of fight club/psycho thing?
Uncle LumpyMay 19th, 2011 at 2:36 am [Reply]
@Juicy Couture (####):
why ia can not find my last comment? chrisitian louboutin
christian louboutin shoes
Can’t imagine. But today has been a good day.
AnonymousMay 19th, 2011 at 3:43 am [Reply]
Keratin. The punchline ends with the word keratin. To appeal to a mass market, no doubt.
Mr. O'MalleyMay 19th, 2011 at 3:43 am [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#226): Since there aren’t any numbers ≥ 8 in the quadratic formula, it would be the same in base 8.
Mr. O'MalleyMay 19th, 2011 at 4:13 am [Reply]
FW: Monopolizing the conversation when the other party is a ghost is not really very noteworthy.
Just imagine how much different it would have been if Hamlet didn’t let his father get a word in edgewise.
JP: Product placement sure is an art to itself.
MT: But I get plenty of those giant squirrels. A couple of them will make enough jerky to see you through the winter.
Phantom: So now the REAL plot starts. College boy will have to perform witchdoctor rituals following emailed directions.
RWO: This is funny, and apparently not too edgy for the comics these days.
Mr. O'MalleyMay 19th, 2011 at 4:34 am [Reply]
So I guess my other reduced local sports teams would be the San Francisco 51ers*, the Oakland Borrowers and the San Jose Ling Cod. Or possibly Leopard Sharks (well, they’re sharks, but kind of mild-mannered ones). A bit close to real Australian sports team Parramatta Eels. There’s also the Rabbitohs—their backstory is stranger than the Dodgers.
*based on the old poem
The miners came in ‘49, the whores in ‘51
And when they got together they produced the Native Son.
May 19th, 2011 at 5:20 am [Reply]
FW
Why does Les think that way about Hollywood movie adaptions? Has he had any firsthand experience with the movie business before now? (No). Secondhand, from other writers? (No, he never talks to any, or even his agent, who might have) Anything at all besides his superficial imaginary scenarios to suggest it might not be a good idea? Perhaps he’s seen some adaptions without integrity? Twilight itself managed to be made without cramming in elements from, I don’t know, Jersey Shore.
So his imaginary dead wife is trying to talk him out of the imaginary bad things Hollywood will do to his holy book. Truly, he is a martyr. I expect the Pope will put him ahead of John Paul II on the list of potential saints at any moment.
gleebMay 19th, 2011 at 6:40 am [Reply]
Archie: Why is Veronica unbuttoned to the waist?
‘bean: Creepy Les needs to talk with Imaginary Deadwife because anyone else would have just walked away by now. Even Imaginary Blue Cat would have told him to shut the hell up already.
Constance Darling, Tireless Promoter!: Well you have to admit, even to a cop interviewing her, she constantly pimps the book. Also, it looks like ex-Judge Parker has successfully missed the play.
Mark: “I’ll eat well tonight!”
Pluggers: …believe in unnecessarily repetitive redundancy.
gleebMay 19th, 2011 at 6:43 am [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#239): Ia! Ia! Christian Louboutin!
gleebMay 19th, 2011 at 6:49 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#181): But if McDonwer improved the art, he’d be jumped by aesthetes of both sexes, wanting to bone him senseless. At least, that’s what he thinks the reaction to superior art is.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 19th, 2011 at 7:34 am [Reply]
A further sign of the End Times: The titular character of Judge Parker is getting more visibility and action than Mary Worth is in her strip.
Indeed, it is prophesied: “He who was only known by name and memory shall suddenly reappear, while the White-Haired One shall lose her mighty power.”
It goes on: “Sergeants shall intertwine with Privates. The Dark She-Devil of the Great City shall wear pink and frills, and the men will delight in flowers and women’s pursuits. He who seeks justice with his fists will wail from the pit.”
But the final sign? “A creation lacking all beauty and wit will appear, and those who look upon it will find their mouths empty of words and their souls filled with despair. And this Abomination will be syndicated across the land.”
This last, of course, refers to Reply All.
Peanut GalleryMay 19th, 2011 at 7:37 am [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#222):
Shouldn’t that be “2XL calling CQ“?
Yes indeed, it should be. “Calling CQ” is a request for anyone who’s receiving to respond. Good to see you know your ham radio lore!
Carl Barks FanMay 19th, 2011 at 7:50 am [Reply]
Archie: I’ve been “reading” this strip, of course originally in comic books, since about 1954, off and on, and I can’t recall ever seeing Veronica’s mother before. How often does she appear? What’s her name? (Please don’t tell me, Mrs. Lodge.) Lately, I have been reading it only on the Houston Chronicle pages. I don’t read comic books any more, except I have a carton full of old favorites in the closet, which I look at, occasionally. Some Walt Disney things etc.
Carl Barks FanMay 19th, 2011 at 7:51 am [Reply]
Archie: I think the new Archie art is pretty good, but, like many, I miss those extraneous hot babes that used to populate the corners of the panels.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 19th, 2011 at 7:57 am [Reply]
A&J: tipwaitressveal!
Lio: somewhere, bats :[ is grinning.
OtH: ummm, the Far Side did this joke already. and did it better.
rMC: ‘Shazam, baby’ indeed! Dang, that’s a lovely Beary.
Archie: dang, Ronnie, past the slut-button much?
Bizarro: Tank McNamara couldn’t have done it any better.
RwO: ouchouchouchouch.
SF: d’awwww.
Calvin's Cardboard BoxMay 19th, 2011 at 8:06 am [Reply]
9CL – We plebes have a word for that kind of love. We call it “lust”, and find that it is a lot more fun if we don’t try to overintellectualize and sterilize it – just bend over and start fuckin’!
Pluggers – Through all the permutations, the only common thread of what makes someone a Plugger has been “Pluggers don’t give a shit”. Now, we find that some Pluggers do give a shit. Well, OK, maybe there is one other commonality we can still find: “Pluggers are idiots”.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 19th, 2011 at 8:16 am [Reply]
@Carl Barks Fan (#250): Heh, you’re a closet Carl Barks Fan!
Jocelyn KnockersburyMay 19th, 2011 at 8:42 am [Reply]
Archie: Far be it for me to complain of such bounty, but, er, apparently those peaches have Veronica so excited that she’s completely undone her blouse.
MW: Far be it for me to complain of such bounty, but wasn’t a lady named Mary Worth in this strip at one time?
AnorakMay 19th, 2011 at 2:41 pm [Reply]
It stands to reason the only characters that believe in evolution are the first to get hunted.
Just some guyMay 19th, 2011 at 10:29 pm [Reply]
This B.C. is a slam on evolution, isn’t it? Isn’t it?
Please read the posting and discussion policies before posting. You are not required to supply an e-mail address to comment; however, doing so decreases the likelihood of your comment being flagged as spam. E-mail addresses will never be made public or seen by anyone but the site writers, who may use them to communicate with commentors. Leave a Reply« Name
« Website
Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. If you are HTML-savvy, you can use the following tags:
« The handsomest bride The narration box emphasizes that Drew is emphasizing things » 
Like the site? Say it with cash! Your generous contributions keep this site strong and independent. Thanks! You too can advertise on blogs All the cool kids… 
…buy Comics Curmudgeon merchandise!
Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery A tough act to follow Posting and discussion policies Privacy policy Email Josh Mobile / Lo-Fi Version All post content © 2004–2011 Joshua Fruhlinger. Comics reproduced here for purposes of review only, and all rights remain with their creators; please don't sue me. All comments remain the property and responsibility of those who posted them. Blog powered by WordPress, which is way cool. Hosting provided by ServInt Internet Services, who are lovely people. Site designed by the charming and talented Adam Norwood; logo designed by the talented and charming Francesco Marciuliano. This blog was once known as I Read The Comics So You Don't Have To. It is in no way affiliated with Funny Paper, which used to read the comics so you don't have to, and may do so again. Are you still reading this? Why are you still reading this? A.L.
0 comments:
Post a Comment