"All hail Martine! Plumber's apprentice to Dracula!" --Artist formerly known as Ben
Main navigation: Advertise Discussion Forum About Twitter RSS Feed Search: Main content: « CPS can’t save you now, Billy Metapost: Another weekend, another COTW » Marital mirth horror-showBeetle Bailey, 5/13/11
Now that Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell has been repealed, the love between Sarge and Beetle that Dare Not Speak Its Name is no longer the most poignant human relationship in this strip. That title now belongs to the Halftracks’ marriage, aka The Love That Could Freely Speak Its Name Were It Not Cold And Dead And Shriveled Up At The Bottom Of A Ravine. At one level their relationship is fairly simple: he drinks and makes doomed passes at younger, prettier women, she nags him, and neither of them would think about leaving the other because what else is there in life but this? And yet within these basic parameters, endless permutations of pain and hatred are possible.
Today’s skirmish is particularly amazing. Can you imagine the trouble Mrs. Halftrack must have gone through to have an enormous liquor bottle custom made? The expense? The meticulous attention to detail needed to get label just right? Not to mention the hours and money spent pouring gallon after gallon of scotch into the thing. And yet, by the way her expression of feigned helplessness in panel one smoothly transforms into a hardened glare in panel two, we can tell that every minute and dollar was absolutely worth it, just to rub her anger in the pathetic old drunk’s face. Good luck moving it out of the living room where your guests can see it! Oh, wait, you don’t have guests, because nobody likes either of you.
Funk Winkerbean, 5/13/11
Uh, Summer is aware that Les’s book is about her mother’s slow, agonizing death, right? Or maybe she knows how Hollywood works and realizes that by the time Lisa’s Story hits theaters in three years or so, it will be about a sexy, ruthless secret agent dedicated to tracking down and capturing a terrorist mastermind code-named “Cancer.”
Mark Trail, 5/13/11
“Yes, it’s wholly possible that John is a dangerous armed lunatic! That’s why I’m going to let you walk six feet in front of me, Andy. Try not to get shot or fall into any pits or whatever!”
This entry was posted on Friday, May 13, 2011 at 08:44 am and is filed under Beetle Bailey, Funky Winkerbean, Mark Trail. | 255 responses to “Marital mirth horror-show” Rocky StoneaxeMay 13th, 2011 at 8:47 am [Reply]
All I ever see from Josh is “B.C. — B.C. — B.C.”! Someone needs to snark on Mason’s other strip:
http://www.gocomics.com/dogsofckennel
($20.00 is $20.00… even if a dog pulls it out of his ass thin air!)
jayjaybearMay 13th, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]
BB: The “Co-Dependent Enablers” classes Mrs. Halftrack’s been taking are paying off!
FC: In later years, the psychic trauma of being the one to find her father after his suicidal overdose condemned Dolly to a life of prostitution, as she became the sole worldwide provider of “hydrocephaly fetish” services.
Momma: Mell Lazarus apparently forgot to pay the Perspective bill.
Phantom: Linda Hunt’s new foray into cross-gender roles doesn’t look like it’s going to get her another Oscar at this point.
jayjaybearMay 13th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]
S-M: MJ speaks for us all…
Not just any DipstickMay 13th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]
Boondock Lake? Boondock????????? Come on now. We can do better. Maybe Loserwoods Camp, or Sunshine Acres (hint, nudist), but Boondock?????
AnonymousMay 13th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]
FW: Dear Panel 2 Darin,
A penny for your thought bubble.
Sincerely,
Comcis Fan
Chyron HRMay 13th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]
I prefer to think of Lisa’s Story as the tale of a brave growth that refused to give up, even when it was called malignant. Like Rocky… or Rocky III!
AnonymousMay 13th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]
MT: This dim wit and his big ugly dog have been romping through wilderness areas for over sixty years now and they STILL don’t have a lick of sence between them as to navigating through unfamiliar territory!
This stupid comic strip isn’t even worthy of commenting on any longer.
I agree with the others, Mark Trail should be CANCELLED!
DoodMay 13th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]
Mrs. Halftrack, given the position of her buxleys, would fit in perfectly in Hootin’ Holler society. And Snuffy and friends could help the general lift and pour from that gigantic bottle of scotch. Bottom line: The Halftracks would be greeted as liberators.
Comcis FanMay 13th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]
FW: No, Summer. The 3-D version would make all the more vivid the doctor’s fatal error in giving Lisa the all-clear based on the wrong patient’s scan.
And Josh, Les has managed to monetize Lisa’s story into cash and, more importantly, fawning self-aggrandizement. Why should Summer see it any other way?
pugfugglyMay 13th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]
Lisa’s story, in 3D. It’s like the gloom and misery is coming RIGHT AT YOU!
Scott BotMay 13th, 2011 at 9:01 am [Reply]
GT – Sure, it’s fun for you, you’re not the one getting smacked upside the head repeatedly by your teammates. Unless Al-Jo is into that sort of thing, which leads this comic into a direction that’s much more interesting than usual.
MT – Isn’t it usually Timmy that falls in the well?
MW – Meet Liza, this year’s recipient of the Most Delusional Female Character in Comics Ever award.
Pluggers – ‘And he threw the cement, buckets and chains in for free. What are we gonna use those for? You’ll find out soon.’
S. StoutMay 13th, 2011 at 9:02 am [Reply]
Was Mrs. Halftrack trying to be mean with her gift? If so it backfired, because an 8 ft. tall bottle of scotch is THE BEST GIFT EVER.
Comcis FanMay 13th, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]
MW: “Should have said something? I told you I wanted to spend the weekend looking at Peace Village reports! And now I’m telling you I want to spend the rest of my life looking at Peace Village reports!”
“That can be arranged, Drew. That can be arranged. Now get packing for Boondock Lake. By the way, did you ever see Kathy Bates in ‘Misery?’”
S4TH: Actually, this hits way too close to home. And I don’t mean 1313 Mockingbird Lane.
pugfugglyMay 13th, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]
Suddenly, the ground collapses below Andy. Andy’s butt, however, is buoyant enough to keep him floating above the hole and out of danger.
BringTheNoiseMay 13th, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]
I see inappropriate and unnatural smirking runs in the Moore family. Gah!
RangerMay 13th, 2011 at 9:07 am [Reply]
GT: Molly overpowers Central. She even made them give their run back!
Yesterday: Milford-3 Central-1
Today: Milford-3 Central-0
May 13th, 2011 at 9:07 am [Reply]
Hey, Les: Hollywood calling, now don’t look to us. All those phony cancer stories have bitten the dust…
Rocky StoneaxeMay 13th, 2011 at 9:10 am [Reply]
Funky Winkerbean (Second Panel) — We’ve secretly replaced their regular Summer with Heath Ledger, let’s see if they notice:
http://walyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/joker-action-figure-heath-ledger-3.jpg
ChipMay 13th, 2011 at 9:11 am [Reply]
I have to say, I’m pleased with the new, faster pace in Dick Tracy, that is, until today, as Dick sits and reads the paper, and Lizz drinks a cup of coffee, while they listen to details about their newest homicide on the radio before heading on down to the crime scene.
But What Do I Know?May 13th, 2011 at 9:13 am [Reply]
@Ranger (#16): Aw, you beat me to it!
DoodMay 13th, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]
I always wanted to see Mark Trail do the comical, running-on-air thing, but, no, we get Andy.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 13th, 2011 at 9:17 am [Reply]
9 – Seth’s plan might work. I have a friend who once used the same technique on a very human-shy chihuahua who’d been mistreated badly. Over a couple of hours, the dog got less and less afraid of him, and by the time we left (we were waiting while some computer work was done at someone’s house), the dog was his pal for life.
3G – “Oh, Margo. I’m going to cry.”
“There. I am now crying, Margo. Oh, Margo, if only I hadn’t had all those Botox injections, and whatever it was that blocked my tear ducts.”
Beetle – Looks like an intervention to get General Halftrack to drink more.
nescioMay 13th, 2011 at 9:18 am [Reply]
Archie: Wait, did Jughead’s hat get a makeover with the redesign?
This is my last chance to score another COTW, so:
Something something B.C. inane something something Marvin feces something something Mary Worth something something gay porn.
May 13th, 2011 at 9:18 am [Reply]
Crock – “Do we have wireless?”
Good example of a Crock strip that required no redrawing or text change from when it ran originally in 1928.
Family – “Wake up, Mr. Keane! It’s time for your sleeping draught.”
Gil – Oops! I’ve suddenly forgotten who everybody in the strip is and what they’re doing. Does it matter? (Oh, I’ve answered my own question.)
MBMay 13th, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]
Think they’ll include “Lisa’s Story” and FBOFW’s Michael Patterson’s screenplay on a double bill of awfulness?
Rocky StoneaxeMay 13th, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]
Beetle Bailey — I find Mrs. General Halftrack’s distended belly more disturbing than the giant liquor bottle!
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 13th, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]
Mary – Well, now we know why Pete’s Spider-Sense is so useless. Whenever it goes off, it hits Liza instead of him, and apparently it completely overwhelms her Common-Sense at the same time.
Rex – Don Knotts already has the ticket? Nuts. I wanted to see him doing the “safecracker with shaky hands” routine.
R=R – Damn it, you’ve blown the punchline! Okay, retake, and Rose? the line is “Socks that are grabbed by playful-kittens-who-won’t-let-go always stretch to an unfeasibly comical length!” Time is money, people, let’s GO.
DoodMay 13th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
Apartment 3-G: “All too easy,” thinks Margo.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 13th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
@One-Eyed Wolfdog (#y224): Today’s Beetle Bailey is brought to you by the Booze Council, because booze really satisfies.
“What makes rum cake rummier? BOOZE DOES!
What makes Grandpa chummier? BOOZE DOES!”
(Hat tip to my friend — already mentioned in #22 — who sometimes sings that.)
May 13th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]
MT: “I hope John’s not the type to shoot first and ask questions after. Oh well, we’ll probably find out soon, Andy! Oh, and Andy, why don’t YOU go on ahead and I’ll follow!”.
(Suddenly a magnitude 10.7 earthquake hits the Lost Forest mountain range swallowing Andy and sending Mark crashing down the slopes to his cabin where Cherry was preparing to cook pankcakes for Doc & Rust-bucket. Too bad about all that pancake batter flying all over you while the earthquake hit. …Wait, THAT wasn’t pankake batter!!!).
Cool BevMay 13th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]
The documentary Rock and Roll Express tells the story of a 1970 travelling rock and roll festival that carried that Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin, the Band and many others by train across Canada. Because they couldn’t take drugs across the border, they depended on booze to get their kicks.
The train stopped in Winnipeg or some place, the hippies rushed to the nearest liquor store, and found a giant promotional bottle of Seagrams. Even though it was technically not for sales, they bought it and brought it back to the train, and all got rip-roaring.
My point is, uh… No point. I just like the movie.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 13th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]
Hägar – Imagine there’s no Helga.
It isn’t hard to do.
No bodice-wearing harpy
No pets in helmets too.
Imagine no more Vikings
Taking out the trash.
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one.
Some day the ‘legacies’ will run out
And the comics will be more fun.
Imagine there’s no Beetle
No Lockhorns, and no Hi
No blankly smiling Basset;
The dead strips left to die.
No Archie, Crock, or Nancy
New strips in their place.
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one.
Some day the ‘legacies’ will fuck off
And the comics will be more fun.
May 13th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]
MT – I think what’s going on here is that invaders from Mars have set up shop beneath LoFo, and Andy is just being sucked into the underground headquarters where he will have a control device inserted into the back of his neck by the Martian mutants. Based on the usual behavior of most of the characters in this strip, it looks like Andy is the last to be absorbed.
Das StorminatorMay 13th, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]
Phantom: I’m more pleased than I should be that wizkid was bullshitting his captors.
Dennis JimenezMay 13th, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]
BB – Aw, the General gets the same thing from wifey every year – the gift that keeps on giving – one ginourmous mono-boob/belly….
FW – OK, for starters I don’t follow the strip, but I’ll bet there’s one person who’s happy with it – Lisa – cuz she’s dead and doesn’t have to experience it anymore….
MT – I do have to give Elrod some credit – as in panel one, he really can capture an Ed Ames like expression on Andy in reaction to Mark that sort of say, “WTF – Can You Believe This Guy? – This is how I make my Living?, all at the same time….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
PatrickMay 13th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]
Josh, it goes beyond that. Mrs. Halftrack didn’t order a gigantic bottle of scotch, she had the rest of the world shrunk down, because her hatred of her husband is just thata powerful.
HibbletonMay 13th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]
The late Don Knotts!? Lady, that is so Arnold Stang.
HibbletonMay 13th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]
^RMMD:
carlag8rMay 13th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]
BB: Today is my boyfriend’s* birthday. On Monday he went to the store & bought a DVD that he had mentioned wanting; of course I had already bought it for him, so now I have to return it. (He’s getting a bag of socks instead – tee hee.) But I also bought him a bottle of Jameson’s (not as big as this bottle of Scotch, although I think if it was he might actually propose) – I mentioned to some friends that he better not buy himself a bottle before his birthday & ruin another surprise, and the males in the conversation all agreed that, even if it he did buy a duplicate gift, because he’s a guy he would be thinking practically and still be thrilled at yet another bottle of whiskey.
Anyway, that’s what I thought of when I saw today’s BB – that my bottle is a woefully inadequate gift.
*And if any of you can come up with a better moniker than “boyfriend” for the 40+ straight male with whom I (also 40+) live but not engaged to, please tell me, because it just sounds sooooo, like, high school…
JessyMay 13th, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]
FW: Yes, Les, you need to think about this because . . . IT”S ALL ABOUT YOU! It’s not about sending your daughter to a good college (far, far, away). It’s not about telling Lisa’s story to the world . . . no, it’s about YOU! It’s always about you, you smug, self-satisfied jerk! Could I hate a comic-strip character more? (Answer: No.)
Doctor HandsomeMay 13th, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]
I have honestly never, ever seen “3-D” spelled out as “three-D” before. I can’t even say with any confidence that it’s technically incorrect. All I know for sure is that it’s fucked-up, looks wrong, is needlessly pretentious, and is in no way funny or interesting. So yeah, I guess that’s how they spell it in the Funkyverse.
Scott BotMay 13th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]
RMMD – I thought it was the late Wally Cox reprising his role as the safecracker in the first Mission Impossible television episode.
Omnibus SneakersMay 13th, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]
Andy should have known better than to have Carol King on his ipod.
I feel the earth. move. under my feet…
PozzoMay 13th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]
The Halftracks make the Lockhorns look like Zits’ richandamy.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 13th, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]
@carlag8r (#39): ‘long-term partner” works, as does POSSLQ. (Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters, for couples of Opposite Sex. Back when the census used the term, same-sex couples weren’t being categorized.)
Mumblix GrumphMay 13th, 2011 at 9:54 am [Reply]
Split — 1/4 of a standard wine bottle or 6.4 ounces
Half-bottle — 1/2 of a standard wine bottle or 12.8 fluid ounces or 4/5 pint
Magnum — 1.5 liters equivalent to 2 standard bottles (usually champagne)
Jeroboam — 4 bottles in one or 1.6 magnums, or 6.4 pints (usually champagne and brandy)
Gallon — 5 bottles in one
Rehoboam — 6 bottles in one or 3 magnums (usually champagne)
Methuselah — 8 bottles in one or 4 magnums (usually champagne)
Salmanazar — 12 bottles in one or 6 magnums (usually champagne)
Balthazar — 16 bottles in one or 8 magnums (usually champagne)
Nebuchadnezzar — 20 bottles in one or 10 magnums (usually champagne)
Camp Swampyzzar–55 gallon drum (cheap-ass “Scotch” )
HibbletonMay 13th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#42):
A lot of people make that mistake.
Esther BlodgettMay 13th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]
@carlag8r (#39): Back before Beloved Spouse claimed that title, we lived together. At that point I called him my husbeau. We were engaged, but I think it would work for any committed couple. (And if you’re in a long-term relationship, you should be – ha-cha-cha!)
carlag8rMay 13th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#45): I like POSSLQ (would that be pronounced “possilycue”?). For my military security clearance, he is someone I live with and “with whom you share bonds of affection” – which I thought was rather poetic for a government document!
FlummoxicatedMay 13th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]
MW: This could actually be crazy-creepy-funny, but I have my suspicions that Mary will cure Liza’s sociopaths tendencies in one week over coffee and pie in Restaurant.
Doctor HandsomeMay 13th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
“I hope John’s not the type that shoots first and asks questions later! I hate questions! I hope he just shoots me, so I can float away to an entirely different plot and never think of him again!”
carlag8rMay 13th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#48): That works, too – thanks! (As for whether I/we should be committed, the jury’s still out…)
FlummoxicatedMay 13th, 2011 at 9:59 am [Reply]
sociopathic – damn you, autocorrect!
JessyMay 13th, 2011 at 9:59 am [Reply]
MT: I do love the way Andy is drawn, especially the shocked look and the levitating ears in Panel 3.
UncleJeffMay 13th, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#45): “There’s nothing for you, I would not do….if you would be my POSSLQ” — Mark Russell
UncleJeffMay 13th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]
Funk: The reason Summer is laughing is because she is thinking of those CGI guys from “CSI” and “House” working together to show cancer cells exploding through her mother’s body — “INNNNNN THREEEEEEEEEEEE-DEEEEEEEEEE”.
Esther BlodgettMay 13th, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]
9CL: Does Fernanda live in Kitty Genovese’s old building? What kind of neighbors wouldn’t call the cops on some guy laid out in the hallway all damn day? (And Fernanda, the answer to Seth’s question, obviously, is evil laughter.)
BB: Make it a giant bottle of vodka, and I’ll marry the old lady!
FW: Hello, and welcome to Cavalcade of Horrible Facial Expressions! Don’t miss the sneak peek of our newest show: Parade of Really Badly Drawn Fingers!
Archie: Congratulations, anonymous artist from a couple of decades ago. You got every last thing about Jughead wrong. *slow clap*
MibbitmakerMay 13th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]
FW, above Josh post:
Such a movie would, of course, be a lie. People close know that secret agent Lisa actually surrendered to the terrorist mastermind, practically aiding and abetting the enemy and his main operative, code named “Incompetent Hospital”. Lisa approved the lie that shall be the blockbuster movie while on her deathbed, even put it into her will.
May 13th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]
Might I suggest (or wish for) this FW story line? “Lisa’s Story, the movie” is a modest hit. Les is famous among the Lifetime Channel crowd, until TMZ discovers he has not been keeping faith with his sainted dead wife’s memory, but has been sleeping with woman. And when they find out she’s colored….
GregMay 13th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]
Mark Trail is looking at you. That’s right, America, YOU are the dangerous armed lunatic! (Worthy of Doonesbury, no?)
Esther BlodgettMay 13th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]
A3G: Phrases that would match Lu Ann’s facial expression better than “Oh, Margo, I’m going to cry”:
“Wait, did I leave the gas on in South Dakota?”
“Sorry, what did you say? I was thinking about dust bunnies.”
“Uh-oh. One of us is having that not-so-fresh feeling. I hope it’s not me.”
“Oh, Margo, you need to adjust your human suit. The demon skin is showing again.”
Illustrator SteveMay 13th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]
As Andy awaits rescue from the hole he fell in while leading Mark, it FINALLY becomes clear to him why Mark’s name is “Mark TRAIL”, and not, “Mark LEAD”!
MustangMay 13th, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]
BB – After I read Josh’s comments, I looked back at the strip to see if the general was happy with his gift. What does it mean when you’ve got a parenthsis behind your head?
mary_worthlessMay 13th, 2011 at 10:20 am [Reply]
Hey, this may be pathetic – but what’s w/today’s “Speed Bump”? Am I pitiful, ’cause I just don’t get it!!
DoodMay 13th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]
Is Mark saying that John Thrasher would be in the Han-shot-first Star Wars camp?
PsychidMay 13th, 2011 at 10:23 am [Reply]
So not only is the Beetle Bailey general a pervert, but he’s also an alcoholic? Yeah, that’s definitely subtle for a kid-friendly comic such as this.
Jim NorthMay 13th, 2011 at 10:23 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#24): RE Crock: Holy crap, that would explain why the art actually looks halfway decent instead of looking like it was drawn by a man who has gradually but inevitably lost all fine motor control below his elbows.
@MB (#25): It’ll be the next Grindhouse two-fer.
MibbitmakerMay 13th, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]
@carlag8r (#49): Frasier pronounced it “possle-cue” on Cheers (refering to him and Diane). Close.
Jim NorthMay 13th, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]
Crank: “He doesn’t even take them out of the sock, but he sure as hell gives it to me.”
DT: Hooray! Liz is back, everybody! If we’re all good little Mudges, maybe she’ll strip for us again!
FW: Now there’s an idea. Do up Lisa’s Cancer in 3D, and maybe it’ll finally kill the fad for good.
Ugh, was just looking the strip over a second time in Josh’s post and caught Summer’s expression in the second panel. She’s got flip-top head like Mr. Reach. Disturbing.
JP: Boy, Hadji really hit some hard times after Jonny Quest was canceled. And just to heap on more insult, now he has to listen to Smug and Lucifer recap information we learned just last week.
Luann: Shut UP, shut UP, shut UP, SHUT UP. Seriously, I’m about ready to deport you both to Australia. I hope you get stung by a platypus and die.
MW: Oh, this is gonna be sad. Liza’s reasonable personality finally broke through, but Drew is already going for his gun. Her last words will be “I just . . . wanted to tell you . . . I think we may be going . . . a little fast . . . gurgle gurgle . . .”
Phantom: TOMORROW . . . the thrilling conclusion!
Pluggers of the Future know that one of the upsides to the real estate market collapsing is that for just 200 bucks you can buy a boat, a couple of oars, some seat cushions, and Lake Michigan.
RMMD: I know he’s been gone for a while now, but who in the hell isn’t going to remember who Don Knotts is? Do we really need to put “the late actor” after his name?
Meanwhile, they’re going to talk to the guy, find out he was a real security guard after all, and this whole mess has just been a hilarious misunderstanding. Everybody laughs heartily, freeze frame, roll credits. Dootdoot doo deedee doooo . . .
S-M: “Now that my arms are no longer bound, I can talk again!”
Zits: Hey, it’s pre-time-jump Cayla. So when are we going to see post-time-jump Jeremy? I’m betting beer gut, combover, and a pre-teen kid that drives him crazy.
You thought I was gonna say “cancer”, didn’t you? How predictable.
He’s got the ebola.
Wise AssMay 13th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]
@mary_worthless (#64): Check the picture under the word “THEATRE.” Normally one mask is happy the other is sad. Those two are sleeping. Very boring play. Very subtle gag.
DoodMay 13th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]
What if Les is confused and it’s Bollywood calling?
Mark BMay 13th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]
MW: OK, now I see how Liza is going to handle the breakup, according to the Kübler-Ross model, commonly known as the five stages of grief [Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance]. She’s into the denial stage. Next stage is anger. Hopefully she gets past bargaining and depression to the acceptance stage before she starts killing patients at the hospital and framing Drew for it.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 13th, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#42): I thought it was the late Wally Cox reprising his role as the safecracker in the first Mission Impossible television episode.
Man, that episode rocked! Well, the whole first season rocked, and the next two (at least) as well. I especially liked how they were together as a group for the first time, not knowing what to expect, and whiling away the time by cheating outrageously at poker.
@carlag8r (#49): I like POSSLQ (would that be pronounced “possilycue”?).
Cathy and I pronounced it “possel-queue,” as did some commentator [per #55, it could have been Mark Russell] on radio or TV who read a love poem he wrote using it as a rhyming word, back in those jolly 70s (or maybe 1980, the year we tied the knot).
May 13th, 2011 at 10:32 am [Reply]
Mark Trail should win the most confusing comic strip award.
First, he reaches the top of the mountain on day one and looks down at a bunch of “nice kids” on motorcycles.
Next day he’s back down below the tree line camping somewhere in the woods with a truck load of camping and cooking gear.
Next he recieves a visit from Jesus Christ during the night.
Next day he’s yelling through the forest telling Andy they should be quiet if they want to find this mountain man-chest full of metals-hero-guy.
Next day Mark gets snared in a bobby trap any kid would spot on the path and FINALLY admits how stupid an individual he is!
Next day he make his dog walk in front of him as a precaution and of course the dog falls into a trap.
Whatthehell?!!!
WHERE is this story going?!
WHERE is John Thrasher?
WHERE are those “nice kids” on motorcycles?
WHERE the hell is diamond smuggler Ben Smith and his sea-worthy row boat?!
WHERE the hell is senator Frank Johnson and his kid’s pet deer?
And, WHERE the hell is Cherry with those hot fresh pankackes she promised?!!!
May 13th, 2011 at 10:32 am [Reply]
Dick Tracy: His name was Earl.
tb4000May 13th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]
FW: Batiuk, that cancer you’re obviously going to plague Summer with seems to be taking its toll on her face in panel 2, dawg.
MibbitmakerMay 13th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]
FC: Please, Dolly! The cyanide pills haven’t even taken effect yet!
FW: No, it’s not.
GA: God, I hope not!
MT: Andy to Elrod ball: “Hey, thanks alot, bubble-brain!”
Mark BMay 13th, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]
Best Pibgorn … ever. [at the moment, it's a broken image link, apologies if McEldowney fixes it].
Alan's AddictionMay 13th, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]
Wow. It’s a giant bottle of scotch in today’s “Beetle Bailey.” That’s so awesome, I really don’t have anything snarky to say, except that I hope General Halftrack requests to be buried in it. Also, I think that Mrs. General Halftrack is making the most passive-aggressive statement of all time; “Happy birthday, dear; please drink yourself to death.”
I can only hope that Les is getting offers from Hollywood as a way to lift his spirits before the studio comes to its senses and gleefully rejects his long, rambling, self-indulgent, self-pitying tale of horror as a possible film adaptation. Or, barring that, I hope that we get to see the look of horror on Les’s face when he sees the much-improved, altered-beyond-recognition version that Hollywood makes. I guess what I’m saying is, I think there’s a form of betrayal and disappointment coming soon in this storyline; but that’s not really much of a prediction given that we’re talking about “Funky Winkerbean.”
I have a few things to say about today’s “Mark Trail.” First, I hope that John does shoot first and never bother with questions, because seeing Mark punch bullets would be awesome. I’m betting that he’s able to smack them back towards the shooter at twice the speed they were originally shot. Also, what’s with that bizarre line/cleft thing on Mark’s face in the first panel? Is that some sort of scar from this upcoming fight that’s so cool that it travels back in time to plaster itself on his face? Also, I’m absolutely thrilled that Andy seems to be falling into a tiger pit, because there are some new possibilities for Mark. We might see him punch his way out of a pit. We might see him euthanize a wounded dog using only his fists. Or, we might see him get so angry that he actually punches through a man’s chest. Really, there are no bad options.
May 13th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]
FW: While it may seem unusual for Summer to consider filming her father’s sub-Nicholas Sparks prose in 3-D, consider: the 3-D treatment often causes films to look darker, muddier, and less colorful. The eyestrain involved in watching them can cause migraines. And it is, of course, a self-serving gimmick used to exploit others for the sake of profit. I can’t think of a better medium for Lisa’s Story.
9CL: First he spends hours lying face up and legs spread in front of her threshold, then he asks to use the restroom. Seth is resorting to desperate measure to get Fernanda to think about his junk.
C’shaft: “Plus the blackmail money which keeps me from exposing your sexual harassment to the cops makes for an excellent tip. That reminds me, I’m going to need another twenty…”
Luann: Not the best argument, Quill. Luann could ask TJ to dye his hair blond and get pretty much the same result.
SM: “I didn’t miss, I was…leaping for MJ! Yeah, that’s the ticket…”
MW: In panel 2, the role of Liza will be played by Miss Piggy.
MibbitmakerMay 13th, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]
MW: Soundtrack for this one: Those weird, creepy violins playing wildly that occasionally show up in movies and TV shows with psychos in them.
RMMD: “Barney Fife GONE BAD”! (rated R)
S-M: Well…. one just sort of…. assumes… Spidey’ll screw it up somehow….. obviously…
Zits: Ah, the disgusting strips continue, I see…
Inspector CluelessMay 13th, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]
Today’s Mark Trail could be used for Elrod’s Sunday info-style comic strip. An extreme close-up of Mark and Andy looking at the reader while informing the readers as to the dangers of walking down a simple pathway.
(Mark): “Statistics show that many incompetent duffusses are injured each year while walking and not paying attention to where they are going. Make sure you have a big dog in front of you while walking through bobby trapped areas. The NOAC radio station in you area will be of NO help to you in situations like this, so WATCH YOUR STEP!”.
(Andy): “ARF! ARF-ARF!!”
(Mark): “You tell ‘em, Andy!”.
May 13th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]
@Dood (#71):
What if Les is confused and it’s Bollywood calling?
The big dance numbers in Bollywood Lisa’s Story would rank among the most disappointing in film history.
LiamMay 13th, 2011 at 10:50 am [Reply]
BB-Mrs. Halftrack is either going to outright kill her husband and preserve his body in that bottle of scotch or is hoping that much scotch will kill him.
MW-I would like to give the writers of Mary Worth that giant bottle of scotch from Beetle Bailey maybe it will make their writing alot more fun to read.
Get Fuzzy-This strip is proof that Satchel is a closeted alcholic when the spirits talk to him.
AnonymousMay 13th, 2011 at 10:52 am [Reply]
MT: (panel #1) Mark Trail recieves the lead role in the new, “SCARFACE”!
“You cock-a-roach, say heelo to my leeettle friend Andy!”.
May 13th, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]
FW: Les has become so horribly unlikeable that, by now, most people would go back to his teen years and join Bull in beating him senseless. Hell, even Gandhi would join in under those circumstances.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 13th, 2011 at 10:55 am [Reply]
@Mibbitmaker (#68):
@carlag8r (#49): Frasier pronounced it “possle-cue” on Cheers (refering to him and Diane). Close.
Non-Southerners often confuse “possle-cue” with “possum-que”:
http://images54.fotki.com/v242/photos/9/127099/8281575/340x_1mre2k3xay-vi.jpg
Pseudo3DMay 13th, 2011 at 10:55 am [Reply]
@Anonymous (#7): Others? Who else on CC agrees that Mark Trail should be cancelled?
It’s not like it’s so bad it can’t be snarked.
Esther BlodgettMay 13th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]
JP: Now Angel is in the back of the limo? As Jonathan Swift once observed, big limo drivers have little drivers in their limos to drive ‘em; little drivers have lesser drivers, and so ad infinitum.
commodorejohnMay 13th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]
A3G – “OH MARGO. I’M GOING TO CRY.” “YES.” “THIS IS DEFINITELY HOW THE HU-MANS PORTRAY EMOTION.” “YES.” “WE ARE NOT AT ALL UNFEELING SPACE ROBOTS FROM THE BEYOND.” “NO.”
BB – And Beetle Bailey finally distills itself down to its purest essence, reaching a sort of comics nirvana.
Crankshaft – AAARRRGGGHHH
Curtis – Wow. Are there seriously people left who didn’t know about cable bundling? They’ve only been doing it for at least twenty years.
DT – See, the problem with coming off of five years of reading Dick Locher’s output is that I have a severely warped idea of what constitutes “normal” for Dick Tracy, and as such I have no idea if Liz and Dick are being sarcastic or not.
FW – Actually, what Summer is referring to is that Lisa’s Story was purchased as a base script for the inevitable big-budget CGI 3D remake of Fantastic Voyage. This, of course, will be the Darkier And Edgier version where cancer is omnipresent and undefeatable and everybody dies.
GT – So, are we setting up for some mass intersection of plot threads that finds Gil and Mimi, Hobart, and Scary Girl Coach all attending a double-headliner concert by Al-Jo and Slim Chance? Does this mean that Kaz will get the chance to punch out a drunken, unruly school budget? God, I hope so.
JP – The Drivers: yes, they are rich enough to haul a genie out of retirement to drive their cab.
Luann – So apparently in the Luanniverse, for every desire there is an equal and opposite pain of losing the thing desired, which is why nobody ever does anything and the plot never goes anywhere.
MT – Okay, is there any prediction we can make about this storyline that won’t suddenly come to pass? In any case, now Mark has an excuse for punching out John Fucking Thrasher: “YOU TRAPPED A ME OF MINE’S PET DOG!”
Marmaduke – Foolish mortals! No mere fence can protect you from the Demon Hound!
Phantom – What? Dammit, I was looking forward to more of these shenanigans.
Popeye – Given what hairless Goons look like, I’m guessing this is more of a Beavis & Butthead laugh.
RMMD – Okay, it’s one thing to draw one of your characters as Don Knotts – it’s another to explicitly make reference to his looking like Don Knotts. (Speaking of, why didn’t My Cage ever do something with The Incredible Mr. Limpet?)
SF – Everybody who is at all surprised, raise your hand. …thought not.
Chip WhittleMay 13th, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]
@UncleJeff (#55):
“There’s nothing for you, I would not do….if you would be my POSSLQ” — Mark Russell
Wasn’t it Charlie Osgood?
Batman BeatlesMay 13th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]
@UncleJeff (#56):
Add X-Files as well. There was an episode with exploding pustules.
May 13th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]
@carlag8r (#39): Marriage seems like a solid option. Worked for centuries.
Walker of DogMay 13th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]
@carlag8r (#39): Just get married and divorced, then he can be your ex-husband, a universally recognized label. And you can tell people you have to live together because your mortgage is underwater, or you lost a bet, or something.
Advantages:
- Wacky sitcom backstory
- Legions of Elizabeth Taylor / Richard Burton shippers
- Wedding gifts!
May 13th, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#88): I actually like it, not only for the snark value, but because it’s got a certain loopy charm that you don’t get from any other strip. To me it’s as if Daniel Boone was written by an eight year old. I have a long list of comics that should be cancelled, but Mark Trail isn’t one of them.
Effluvius ErratusMay 13th, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]
Wow. I never thought a day would come when Family Circus would hat-tip Buffy…, let alone “The Body,” but here we are.
teenchyMay 13th, 2011 at 11:17 am [Reply]
Is it bad form to quote oneself from a yesterthread? If so, I won’t do it again. If not, well….
@teenchy (Y#217): FW: Coming to a theater near you: Doctor Tongue’s 3-D House of Cancer.
Not Worth ItMay 13th, 2011 at 11:17 am [Reply]
FC – Any guesses on how many times Dolly will repeat, “Daddy? Daddy? DADDY? Daddy?” before she realizes he’s dead? If she had the logical skills of a grasshopper, she’d probably figure it out when Barfy began to feast on the corpse, but since she has consistently misinterpreted every single idiomatic phrase and ambiguous situation for the past 70 years I suppose she’ll just say, “Mommy, Daddy’s /feeding/ the dog!” and we’ll all get a little chuckle.
Walker of DogMay 13th, 2011 at 11:24 am [Reply]
A3G: Lu Ann: “You can’t tell, because my face is as dumb as the rest of me. But yeah, any minute now I’m going to squeeze out a tear.”
JP: “I wonder why this woman wants to kill herself! I mean, just how unattractive is she?”
Phan: Smoked ham and provolone on white bread? Careful, Poindexter – that’s a gateway sandwich.
FW: I might be willing to watch Lisa’s Story: The Movie, if it were shown in 1-D.
With the sound off.
Maybe.
May 13th, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]
BB: That bottle of Scotch must be about 1500 Liters. At 20 dollar a liter of scotch, that’s $30,000 dollars worth of scotch for a gift. How do I get on her Christmas list?
Effluvius ErratusMay 13th, 2011 at 11:33 am [Reply]
FW: I honestly thought Summer was referring to the lead actress’s cup-size before I realized Batiuk meant “3D.”
NekrotzarMay 13th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]
FW: The way Les answers the question, it sounds like, while he is still making up his mind, if he does decide to make the movie, then the others will not in fact be allowed to talk to him anymore. Maybe Batuik is sending a message to his real life friends: “Once I get Funky on the big screen, I’m through with you losers.”
TerrapinMay 13th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]
BB: Ha ha! If that bottle had boobs, Halftrack would marry it.
FC: “Daddy? You sure are sleepy after you’ve had a snoot full.”
GT: It takes a really good pitcher to get batters to swing at balls that actually go BEHIND them.
JP: Sadly, they forget all about Constence, the Judge and the jumper when the cab driver flashes some lights and yells “YOU’RE IN THE CASH CAB!”
PHANTOM: After the Jungle Patrol arrives, this will be the shortest Phantom story ever!
RMMD: I just love Don Knotts so much I’m happy to see him doing anything.
Uncle LumpyMay 13th, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]
Hey — Arlo and Janis is a repeat today. Anybody know if this happens often?
Maggie the CatMay 13th, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]
@nescio (#23): This is my last chance to score another COTW, so:
Something something B.C. inane something something Marvin feces something something Mary Worth something something gay porn.
Hahahaha…. smartass ;-)
Maggie the CatMay 13th, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]
@carlag8r (#39): *And if any of you can come up with a better moniker than “boyfriend” for the 40+ straight male with whom I (also 40+) live but not engaged to, please tell me, because it just sounds sooooo, like, high school…
I suggest “LUVR”. Professionals in the medical industry use it, why not you?
Not Worth ItMay 13th, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]
@carlag8r (#39): You know what I sometimes think about? When people who are from a non-Western culture without the traditional Western form of marriage cohabit long-term with a romantic partner, we automatically consider them “married,” even though they haven’t technically gone through any of the same legal and/or religious ceremonies Westerners do. Some cultures don’t really have any specific action that makes people spouses – they just move in together, perhaps after exchanging a bride price or dowry. But we would always refer to those people as “husband” and “wife.” So, my opinion is that if you have the same sort of relationship that married people do, your technical legal status is irrelevant to anyone other than close friends, and I would just call the person your “husband.”
On the other hand, if you feel that the lack of legal marriage is extremely important to describing the relationship, I would call the person your “mate,” since that is accurate, cannot be confused with “business associate,” and isn’t a long, wordy explanation like “long-term life partner.”
AnonymousMay 13th, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (#106): “I suggest “LUVR”.”
*channels the Spirit of Dingo*
Long, Uncut and Very Ready?
*/Dingo*
Not Worth ItMay 13th, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#101): My thoughts exactly. I was picturing a woman the circumference of a stick figure, with ginormous breasts. Essentially, a super-model.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 13th, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#83): especially with the efforts of One-Armed Conductor Lady to keep up . . .
Inspector CluelessMay 13th, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]
MT:
(Mark): “Hey Andy, see any sign of a guy with a chest full of metals down there?”
(Andy): “F–k you, Mark Trail!”
May 13th, 2011 at 11:54 am [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#91): Yup. Upon consultation with Google, I can report you are correct. I just remembered it as being in the form of a song.
AmiginatorMay 13th, 2011 at 11:54 am [Reply]
I wish my left hand was conveniently located on my right arm too. Apparently it makes drawing the curtains to reveal giant liquor bottles that much easier, which coincidentally, is a favorite past-time of mine.
UncleJeffMay 13th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]
Candorville — a couple of days “late” (after The New Adventures of Queen Victoria), but given the usual lag time of comics….pretty interesting closure on the end of Osama bin-Laden.
Chyron HRMay 13th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]
@Fourth Bear (#100): At 20 dollar a liter of scotch, that’s $30,000 dollars worth of scotch for a gift. How do I get on her Christmas list?
Protip: The giant bottle is actually full of urine.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 13th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]
MW: If “I’m going to look elsewhere and suggest you do the same” was Drew’s version of “letting her down easy,” I think I’m going to root for Crazy Liza from now on; let’s see her counter every break-up attempt that Drew throws at her: “Liza, I just want to be friends.” “Oh, Drew, that’s great! We’ll be best friends—with benefits!” “Liza, I don’t want to see you any more.” “Well, silly, then close your eyes when you kiss me!”
Wait—Isn’t this a Seinfeld storyline, in which George tries to break up with someone and she won’t let him?
JP: See, if I were to encounter a suicidal stranger perched on the edge of a tall building, it wouldn’t even occur to me to stage a media event. I guess that’s why I’m not an intern.
MT: Hey, John Thrasher! You can string up Mark Trail by his delicate ankles, and you can grow your hair to truly evil proportions, but don’t fuck with Andy!
Walker of DogMay 13th, 2011 at 12:01 pm [Reply]
Plug: Excuse me for just a moment; I need to place a quick call to Captain Savarna.
MT: Andy purposefully fell into the pit trap, just to make Mark feel less stupid for stepping into the snare. Someday Andy will be the Prince of Doggy Heaven.
S-M: Pencil in a musical note in that last bubble. Now the roofied MJ thinks she’s Etta James!
BB: But for Mrs. Halftrack’s birthday, which was a few days later, the General was going to give her the “keep coming back” coin he’d just received at his first AA meeting. O’Henry’d.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 13th, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#22):
Oh, Margo, if only I hadn’t had all those Botox injections
My thought exactly. I guess the reason these ladies look so youthful after all these years is they’ve been shot so full of Botox that they need a complicated pulley system to crack a smile.
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#32): Coincidentally, I had a dream last night that all of the comics I enjoy, either ironically or unironically (and yes, Mark Trail is on that list), were yanked from the WashPost print edition—and every one of them was replaced with Reply All.
Wait—that wasn’t a dream; that was a nightmare.
ScareCrowMay 13th, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]
MT:
(Mark): “How many times do I have to tell you, Andy. Follow the yellow brick road, damn it. Follow the yellow brick road!”
(Andy): “That was Toto, you idiot!”
(Mark): “It looks like we’re not in Kansas anymore, Andy”
(Andy): “You’re not just any idiot, Mark, you’re a #@\#* PATHETIC idiot!!!”
May 13th, 2011 at 12:07 pm [Reply]
BB: Just as long as you realize he’s going to be picturing Miss Buxley jumping out of it, naked and dripping with Scotch.
FC: Too easy. Sweet release of death and all that.
Jumble: Please tell me that road sign doesn’t say “Kahlua-Kona.”
MW: Folks, what we’ve got here is the female equivalent of Mr. Collins. “I know you can’t possibly be breaking up with me. You’re simply acting in accordance with the usual practice of elegant…um…males.”
Oversnarpologies, etc.
Red GreenbackMay 13th, 2011 at 12:07 pm [Reply]
RMMD: I dunno Stella, that security guard looks more like William Holden Harold Lloyd, the punctual actor to me!
Son of Stuck FunkyMay 13th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]
Crankshaft: She pays him in cash? No ribbon candy?
Esther BlodgettMay 13th, 2011 at 12:11 pm [Reply]
@buy essay online (#120): “Cool! Author the best! Thank you!” My new go-to response to witty posts. Thanks, spam!
Esther BlodgettMay 13th, 2011 at 12:12 pm [Reply]
Er…I mean, Cool! Author the best! Thank you!
Maggie the CatMay 13th, 2011 at 12:12 pm [Reply]
Wow, Josh! According to buy essay online, you’re the best! Cool! Thank you!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 13th, 2011 at 12:13 pm [Reply]
@buy essay online (#120): SPAM
Maggie the CatMay 13th, 2011 at 12:13 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#125): I see we have simultaneous smartassery. Cool! The best!
Jim NorthMay 13th, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]
I think our spammy friend was talking about Les.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 13th, 2011 at 12:16 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#124): I think I’ve just discovered a way to decrease the time I spend commenting on student papers!
Red GreenbackMay 13th, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]
The sad thing is buy essay online was referring to Les Moore.
Red GreenbackMay 13th, 2011 at 12:19 pm [Reply]
Dang! Scooped by Jim North!
Maggie the CatMay 13th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#130): Hahahaha, I would DIE LAUGHING if a teacher had that little comment jotted on the top of my papers. Please do it!
ElkMeadowMay 13th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#y228):
Oops, sorry and thanks. I should’ve have looked up the name; I just remembered it as being one of my favorite posters.
@Chyron HR (#y218):
I went to the University of Oregon and I live in Oregon. It is forbidden for me to wear any shoes but Nike’s.
Jim NorthMay 13th, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]
@Red Greenback (#132): It’s okay, I still think you’re author the best!
ElkMeadowMay 13th, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]
I have come to the realization that Summer has never, ever read her father’s books, and has only the vaguest idea that one is about her mom, and no idea that it’s about her death.
Ranger PeteMay 13th, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]
Mark Trail comic strip:
If anyone in my home state were to expose their pet dog to those kinds of dangers, or neglect their pet’s safety the way Mark Trail does, they could expect to serve up to one year in prison and/or be required to get some serious professional counciling before the court would allow them to own a pet again!
And personally, I don’t think Mark Trail has a clue of how to blaze a trail properly, not to mention safely. Common sense, Mark. Just simple common sense, which is apparently something that’s in short supply around Lost Forest!
DoodMay 13th, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]
Pluggers: Chicken lady is like, “You do know that we both should naturally know how to swim, right?”
commodorejohnMay 13th, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#116): See, if I were to encounter a suicidal stranger perched on the edge of a tall building, it wouldn’t even occur to me to stage a media event. I guess that’s why I’m not an intern.
“This suicide brought to you by Alan Parker and Cheatham House!”
May 13th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#91): Not sure if the specified quote is his; but, yes, I remember watching Charles Osgood’s CBS Evening News playful piece on POSSLQ lo those many years ago.
ElkMeadowMay 13th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]
@MB (#25):
Double bill? No. Mash-up? Count on it. “Crazy in Love/Hair” mashup awful.
ElkMeadowMay 13th, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#32):
Well and good, but as Dick Tracy and Blondie look like they’ve revived, can we keep them? And here’s FOOB, it’s technically not a legacy, but it can go in your list too.
Maggie the CatMay 13th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]
I think Mrs. Halftrack secretly hopes the General climbs inside and meets his fate, a la George Plantagenet’s fatal butt of Malmsey.
Black DrazonMay 13th, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]
Having been too young to comprehend her mother’s death and, more importantly, having not read Les’ book like everyone else in his life, Summer has no problem with a slow death and constant smirking coming out of the screen and into her real life! Oh. Wait. That is her real life. Oh. Oh dear.
Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts:May 13th, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]
OBH: I know many of you are tired of my kvetching about the deterioration of the art work in this strip. Look at today’s! It’s nearly as incomprehensible as the art in Gil Thorpe. And to me, this means Detorie has begun to scribble his strips, and is not taking care (= enough time) to draw. I do not think he has an assistant, I think he is not taking as much care with the art as he did for many years.
Does he have anything to say about this, in addition to what he said to me last year, which I will not repeat as 2 or 3 children look at this blog??
If anybody thinks I am incorrect, compoare recent strips with strips from a few years ago, if you have any of the books, such as Should I Spit on It?
Rocky StoneaxeMay 13th, 2011 at 12:55 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#135):
I have come to the realization that Summer has never, ever read her father’s books, and has only the vaguest idea that one is about her mom, and no idea that it’s about her death.
Summer hasn’t read any of her hack father’s books, but she has read everything written by her “dead”* mother:
http://ambersbookblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/feb-lisa-moore.jpg
*Les would never agree to a divorce, so Lisa faked her own death to get out of a loveless marriage!
Some Guy HereMay 13th, 2011 at 12:55 pm [Reply]
What a coincidence, it’s my birthday too. So where the hell is my human-sized bottle of hard liquor?
S.AssilemMay 13th, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]
@carlag8r (#39): POM: Piece of Meat.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 13th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]
@Some Guy Here (#146): Happy birthday! Of course, she’s no Mrs. Halftrack.
MaryAnnTheRestMay 13th, 2011 at 1:02 pm [Reply]
@carlag8r (#39): Around here, we use the term “manpanion.”
Mark BMay 13th, 2011 at 1:03 pm [Reply]
MW: DREW!! GET OUT … NOW!! Before you wake up chained to a turnbuckle at the bottom of a well.
MaryAnnTheRestMay 13th, 2011 at 1:16 pm [Reply]
FW: So Summer is proposing a 3D version of a woman’s gruesome, miserable death? Well, that does accurately describe half the movies playing at my local multiplex.
RMMD: For anyone who remembers the Scooby Doo Mysteries with cartoon celebrities, today was pure gold.
Fred: “Look, gang, it’s Don Knotts! Let’s go solve a mystery!”
May 13th, 2011 at 1:20 pm [Reply]
@MaryAnnTheRest (#151): RMMD: For anyone who remembers the Scooby Doo Mysteries with cartoon celebrities, today was pure gold.
Fred: “Look, gang, it’s Don Knotts! Let’s go solve a mystery!”
And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling doctor.
CharterstonedMay 13th, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]
@Inspector Clueless (#82): More information about walking without looking can be found on the interweb.
ElkMeadowMay 13th, 2011 at 1:27 pm [Reply]
@Doctor Handsome (#41):
BatuikLes is the type of English teacher who would mark down a student for not spelling out a number when it is used for the first word of a sentence, no exceptions, ever.
At the Funky Winkerbean main page, Les’s smirking face fills the background. The strip is all about him, after all. Funky who?
True FableMay 13th, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]
Sorry to say that the second thing I noticed in Beetle Bailey right after the giant bottle, was that Mrs. Halftrack’s breasts seamlessly connect to her large potbelly until it is just one big blob of adipose tissue without so much as a hint of cleavage anywhere along the way. And here was Ripley running all over the world looking for oddities when all he had to do was look at the comic strip next to him.
True FableMay 13th, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]
Fist O’ Justice Theater Now what? Is Mark going to have to wait for a tide to come in before going for help?
ElkMeadowMay 13th, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]
@Jim North (#69):
Meanwhile, they’re going to talk to the guy, find out he was a real security guard after all, and this whole mess has just been a hilarious misunderstanding.
That never crossed my mind….
KatyMay 13th, 2011 at 1:34 pm [Reply]
I’m gobsmacked by today’s Funky Winkerbean. Summer is making a joke. The joke is about the movie adaptation of her father’s book. Which is about her mother’s humiliating, agonizing death from cancer. Summer is making a joke about the movies being in 3-D.
And she’s laughing, and everybody’s laughing, and there’s no indication that this joke comes from any place of pain or cynicism or world-weariness or cancer. It’s just YAY WE’RE ALL MOVIE STARS NOW.
New diagnosis: Batiuk Syndrome. Batiuk Syndrome is the inability to categorize things correctly. Serious or forehead-slappingly stupid things are treated as uncomplicatedly funny and/or good. For example:
– Bomb jokes in airports are funny and have no consequences.
– Saying “You’re just like my dead wife, only not dead,” is a warm, human reaching-out, the first movement of life after a long cold winter.
– Having sex with someone repeatedly when you know he’s thinking of his dead wife instead of you is presented as just part of a relationship.
J POGOSTICKING C I HATE THIS STRIP.
greghousesgfMay 13th, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]
@Not Worth It (#98)
he eats decomposing human bodies? no wonder they call him Barfy!
May 13th, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]
@Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts: (#144): Little A, I don’t agree with you–I don’t really see that much difference in the artwork, but I admit I might not be the best judge of artwork.
Fortunately comics.com has the One Big Happy Classics. The strip today is from May 11, 2002: http://comics.com/one_big_happy_classics/2011-05-13/
And compare it to today’s strip: http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2011/5/13&name=One_Big_Happy
A side note: I notice that gocomics is now showing a colorized version of the current strip, instead of strips from a couple years back. I miss not being able to read three OBH’s every day! I hope when the comics.com strips migrate to gocomics they’ll have a regular OBH and also OBH Classics so we’ll still get to see older strips. I never saw this strip before I started coming here in about 2008, and it’s one of the strips I’m so glad to have found out about!
Effluvius ErratusMay 13th, 2011 at 1:45 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#154): Seriously. Funky, Barney Google, and the Wizard of Id would all get much more face time if they just left their eponymous strips and rented an apartment together in New York.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 13th, 2011 at 1:47 pm [Reply]
For queek: I’m in a gift-giving mood, so here’s a bucket o’ corgsquee!
commodorejohnMay 13th, 2011 at 1:47 pm [Reply]
So…now that I think about it, this is another instance of Funky Winkerbean failing to even make its own “joke” properly – it should be “Two-D or not two-D,” dumbass!
Wise AssMay 13th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#161): Snuffy Smith. The new Margo.
CanuckDownSouthMay 13th, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]
@Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts: (#144):
I’m not going to argue about old vs new art.
But I am going to say that there’s nothing wrong with today’s.
You have 2 cartoon-proportioned children. Their relative limb / torso / head sizes are consistent and allow for gestures and expression. I can see exactly where each limb is and follow the sequence which gets the girl from both legs held by the boy’s hands > one leg bouncing up > twisted over and squatting on his shoulders. There is a recognizable cat on a recognizable car (and then on a very recognizable bike helmet with chin-strap unclipped). There’s perfectly nice perspective of the sidewalk + parked original car + recognizably different car + jeep as they walk away.
The art serves the story. You don’t like it and it may very well be of significantly lesser quality than the art of years past, but there’s nothing wrong with it. It doesn’t have the mutating backdrops and misaligned features of Mary Worth. Nor does it have violations of perspective, “whose limb is that” games and the like of the old Dick Tracy or Gil Thorp. If it were a new strip, I think we’d look at it and wouldn’t notice the art as anything snarkable.
QaxisMay 13th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]
I’m not sure why Mark is worried. The last time he took a bullet to the head all he needed was a band-aid.
Effluvius ErratusMay 13th, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]
@Wise Ass (#164): And with Crock as Ari Papagoras or Aunt Iris?
DoodMay 13th, 2011 at 2:11 pm [Reply]
@Wise Ass (#164): Doesn’t Loweezy have a bun wrapped up tight under that scarf she wears? “Margo, I’s yer muther. An’ Tater here’s yer brether. Sorry if’n this makes yer haid hurt.”
jayjaybearMay 13th, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]
@Nekrotzar (#102): You assume facts not in evidence, to wit, that Batiuk has real-life friends.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 13th, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]
@Some Guy Here (#146):
What a coincidence, it’s my birthday too. So where the hell is my human-sized bottle of hard liquor?
I’m fresh out of hard liquor, so here’s a human-shaped bottle of something I nicked from Mark Trail’s house:
http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/butterworths.jpg
Rana the Pedantic Wet BlanketMay 13th, 2011 at 2:16 pm [Reply]
@carlag8r (#39): I usually described my not-yet-husband as my “partner” – which sometimes led to misunderstandings about my sexual orientation, but I figure it’s good to identify homophobes early.
FW The more I observe the interactions around Les, the better I feel I understand Batiuk – and I don’t like it. A young girl’s father is murdered – but what’s more important is the documentary she can produce and the story Les can write. Another young woman’s mother dies slowly and painfully of cancer – but what’s more important is the book Les wrote about it and the chance it could become a movie. Neither young woman sees this as at all strange and indeed, welcomes this lack of interest in their feelings as a good thing. Les, meanwhile, is so freakin’ self-centered it never occurs to him that anyone could have a connection with his subjects that didn’t come through reading his books.
In the hands of another writer, Les would be portrayed as the solipsistic, indifferent asshole that he is, and one who is far more lucky than he deserves – but in Batiuk’s hands he’s someone to sympathize with and admire.
Makes me wonder about the health of Batiuk’s own relationships, and that’s never something an author should aim for.
Esther BlodgettMay 13th, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#162): Turbo is the best Corgi name ever. :)
Esther BlodgettMay 13th, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]
@Some Guy Here (#146): Go ask your mono-boobed wife.
Happy Birthday!
Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts:May 13th, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]
@CanuckDownSouth (#165): You make good points. I will seriously say this: as an art historian (believe it or not), I am very sensitive to style. I remember that when I first found this site I made several comments about how I thought a lot of snarkers were taking things too seriously — after all, we are talking about comic strips here! So I guess I am doing the same thing. It just so happens that OBH is one of my favorite strips, believe it or not, and in my opinion, the artist has lost something in his carelessness: I don’t think he is paying as much attention to the facial expressions of the main characters, either, which once contributed greatly to the effectiveness of the humor. This is my opinion. In any good or great strip there has to be a very subtle combination of humor and drawing, and if this is lost, any strip will sink to the level of a stupid gag strip, any number of which I might list, but we know the ones to which I refer. In my opinion, by not paying as much attention to the subtlties of facial expression, along with a loosening of the drawing style, Detorie has lost something, and if he doesn’t watch out, the strip will lose a great deal. The strip will suffer. Yes, I’m taking this quite seriously, even though I am talking about a comic strip, because in my opinion this was a very superior strip, and is still much better than most.
Pseudo3DMay 13th, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]
@Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts: (#144): Wow, I just read the post “…and there I died”, and Detorie was on the comments, making empty threats. At first I thought it possibly wasn’t him…no adult would stoop to that levels…but the comic at the top was pretty telling. Why is it every comic artist that knows about this site/visits it is either pretty cool or a complete psycho?
Esther BlodgettMay 13th, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#158): How’s that new appendage coming along? Big enough to feed a hack cartoonist yet?
HairheadMay 13th, 2011 at 2:21 pm [Reply]
Luann – Aaaarrgghhh!
Luann – If I let myself love someone, I might lose him, and then it will hurt, so I won’t love someone.
– If I enter university, I might fail and drop out, and then it will hurt, so I won’t get an education
– If I get a job, I might screw up and lose, so I won’t get a job, and I’ll sit around the house, moping and unemployed.
– Repeat, until you die of ennui.
Evans, this is WORSE than the squick — in fact, it’s WORSE THAN MARY WORTH!!
Scott BotMay 13th, 2011 at 2:28 pm [Reply]
@Hairhead (#177): If I draw a comic strip, I might populate it with boring, nasty, cliched characters that no one can sympathize with, so I won’t start one, and…oh, hell, too late, I already did it.
TaggedMay 13th, 2011 at 2:28 pm [Reply]
Doonesbury: As expected, Ray’s injury was inspired (if that’s the right word to use here) by an actual soldier’s combat experience. He was, of course sent home, and I feel the same thing will happen to Ray. It’s just a question of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Old School Allie CatMay 13th, 2011 at 2:31 pm [Reply]
@Son of Stuck Funky (#122): Ribbon candy, eh? Is that what the seniors are calling it these days?
Like ribbon candy, I’d posit that most of Rose’s bits are stuck together from sitting around so long.
Pseudo3DMay 13th, 2011 at 2:31 pm [Reply]
@True Fable (#155): Well, if you take away the hair and glasses, it looks like the fat co-general (blonde hair, not Fuzz). Then again, the “people with wigs syndrome” affects almost every comic strip, including Mary Worth, Mark Trail, Family Circus, and more.
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 13th, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]
@Qaxis (#166): Indeed. And he slept in a boat all the way to Smuggler’s Island, got to recuperate in a nice comfy bed, the only lick of work he had to do was set some bales of weed on fire, and then soar on the thermals all the way to Miami. Now he might actually have to lift his dog out of a hole.
Pseudo3DMay 13th, 2011 at 2:36 pm [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#175): Wait, scratch that: the “…and there I died” Detorie comments were (reportedly) fake. I found the real one.
gleebMay 13th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#154): Why I’m being fair to Batiuk, I don’t know, for he’s never played fair by his readers, but the face staring creepily out of the ‘bean web page is sometimes Creepy Les and sometimes Fat Failure Funky. Try reloading a few times. I’m not going to anymore, myself, because I’ve had all the ‘bean i need for the day.
PoteetMay 13th, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]
BB — Somehow I have a feeling that bottle isn’t full of Islay single malt.
PoteetMay 13th, 2011 at 2:47 pm [Reply]
MT — A homicidal maniac who looks like Jesus. I’m almost looking forward to this.
Scott BotMay 13th, 2011 at 2:51 pm [Reply]
FW – So what is the Tolstoy of Westview gonna do when he finds out that Hollywood studios generally buy the rights to a story or book and pretty much do what they want to with them, author be damned? Probably go on talk show after talk show to complain about how his book has been compromised…
ElkMeadowMay 13th, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]
@UncleJeff (#114):
Candorville’s made it into the dead tree editions. And it was a job well done!
Thank you, SEALS and all personnel in Afghanistan for the past ten years!
May 13th, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]
@gleeb (#184):
Gross. I see what you mean.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 13th, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]
Weird Sound Effects (Friday the 13th Edition):
Baldo — BLOOP!
Drabble —
http://comics.com/drabble/
Fast Track — SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT
Piranha Club —
http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Piranha
KatyMay 13th, 2011 at 3:01 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#176): No matter how I squeeze my eyelids and fists and go GNNNNNGH, I can’t get it to stick out any further. Where’s the Increase Your Male Aggregate spam when you need it?
KatyMay 13th, 2011 at 3:03 pm [Reply]
@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#171): [points] What she said. Which is what I would have said if I expressed myself with a scalpel instead of a bludgeon, and were generally better at communication than I am.
Bill ThompsonMay 13th, 2011 at 3:03 pm [Reply]
Mary Sue Wankerbean: This strip would make a great lead-in to an episode of Supernatural. Bobby shows Sam and Dean a copy of Lisa’s Story. Sam and Dean go to Westview and exorcise her ghost, only to discover that Les is the real source of evil. They shoot him with a load of rock salt. Again and again. It doesn’t exorcise him but it’s good target practice and fun for the entire family.
UncleJeffMay 13th, 2011 at 3:03 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#188): I thought the tone of the strip was so amazing. He was able to use one of his traits — having his “star” in dream conversations — doing a good job on a realistic cartoon of bin-Laden….and then writing off bin-Laden not as a celebration of his death but the ultimate insult of a radical…telling him that who he was an what he did was at the end “irrelevant”.
AustriaMay 13th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]
Arch: I really hope they’re not replacing the hat. Jughead’s crown thing may be an irrelevant relic of days gone by, but it’s iconic, darn it.
BC: Now you have food, and you didn’t even have to catch it yourself. Sounds pretty relaxing to me.
FW: Do you even have to ask? 3-D is nothing but a marketing gimmick to disguise how awful some movies really a–……..3-D it is, then.
MT & MW: It’s kind of sad when a person laughs more at the serious soap opera strips than at the ones that are supposed to be funny.
PBS: Bob and Larry– Why didn’t I ever notice this before?!? They’re vegetables, guys. Vegetables here to teach us about Jesus. Larry is showing us the story of Zaccheus.
Zits: Same reason people buy Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans, I guess. Why someone would want to eat anything that they know will taste like barf is completely beyond me.
This GuyMay 13th, 2011 at 3:08 pm [Reply]
Garfield: Probably not the kind of doll she means. Word of advice, though: if you find a doll with a green dress, a watering can, and odd-colored eyes, better just walk away.
Luann: Quill got through an entire strip with out saying “no worries” or “fair dinkum” or “THAT’S a knife.” I’m duly impressed.
Marvin: Right on, Marvin’s Mom! How dare that girl imply that spending an evening with your little ambulatory shit-hose is anything but an untrammeled delight?
Zits: Hey, they could’ve been Bertie Bott’s Every Scent Pencils.
AustriaMay 13th, 2011 at 3:09 pm [Reply]
@This Guy (#196): Wow, what are the odds? We’re really on the same page. *high-fives*
littlestevieMay 13th, 2011 at 3:11 pm [Reply]
MT: Andy obviously fell into a trap that was meant for Mark, after Mark got himself free of that snare line, John had to up the ante. I think that John just wants some male compaionship up on the mountain, the kind of compaionship that only Mark can provide for him.
CanuckDownSouthMay 13th, 2011 at 3:12 pm [Reply]
@Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts: (#174): Hey, you’re talking to someone who spent over a year doodling up a foe-fic in response to Settlepocalyse FOOB, I know about maybe taking comics a wee bit too seriously :)
I do hear your concern about what you think has already been lost in expressiveness, and that the strip could get far worse. I just don’t think the rest of us notice or need as much from the art, and you probably shouldn’t expect to get much agreement while we have the Worthiverse’s Uncanny Valley, Trailian recycling and “what IS that” Momma art to snark about instead :)
Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts:May 13th, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]
@CanuckDownSouth (#199): I hear you. As we used to say in The Bronx, there is plenty of other shit to step in.
littlestevieMay 13th, 2011 at 3:28 pm [Reply]
Jumble: So that’s how Jeff wrote off his two week stay at the Mauna Kea on the Big Island as a business expense. He claimed he was doing “research” for his strip.
Ranger PeteMay 13th, 2011 at 3:29 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#186):
Nothing new, our NAVY SEALS just got rid of one of those creeps last week.
May 13th, 2011 at 3:32 pm [Reply]
MW:
Liza rips off the fake latex mask, revealing her true identity … Aldo Kelrast!
“I was just using you to get to Mary, you fool! Nothing will keep me from my sweet, sweet Mary! But I don’t need you anymore! Say hello to my little friend!”
(Next panel, midget carrying a gun enters the room)
Plinko CommieMay 13th, 2011 at 3:38 pm [Reply]
I’m impressed with Summer’s trollface in panel 2. It make sense, really: for as many soul-dead and dead-dead people as it contains, Westview is the 4chan of cartoon towns.
Rita Lake and the Special GoddessesMay 13th, 2011 at 3:40 pm [Reply]
So who do you think will play Les in the movie? My bet is on someone WAY too classy and attractive.
Possibly better question: who SHOULD play Les in the movie?
kkarenbMay 13th, 2011 at 3:40 pm [Reply]
@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#171): @Katy (#158):
What I find jaw-droppingly inappropriate is that Summer and John Darling’s daughter think that what Les is proposing is just wonderful. As has been noted, Lisa died a horrible, painful death, leaving her daughter motherless. Wouldn’t a normal child feel some pain and regret at the thought of losing her mother? Wouldn’t she cherish what memories she has of her mother? Yet she is jumping on the Hooray for Hollywood bandwagon. And John Darling’s daughter (I can’t remember her name) has the equally horrible memory of losing her father to murder. Yet she went along with the Let’s Make a Documentary! scheme. Really, do these people have no sense of humanity?
Add to that the cast of Judge Parker. Making a media event about a woman threatening suicide! Yeah, seeing a bunch of cameras will calm her down. What normal human being would think like these people think?
AnonymousMay 13th, 2011 at 3:43 pm [Reply]
Beetle Bailey made me laugh out loud for the first time ever. Also, I want a giant bottle like that in my living room, but of vodka. With a tap.
Maggie the CatMay 13th, 2011 at 3:43 pm [Reply]
@Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#205):
The guy that played Ira in Mad About You.
Revenge of ChesnutMay 13th, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]
Beetle Bailey made me laugh out loud for the first time ever. Also, I want a giant bottle like that in my living room, but of vodka. With a tap.
BootsyMay 13th, 2011 at 3:51 pm [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#88):
I actually thought anonymous #7 was spam, and I tried to figure out what it wanted me to buy. Maybe an 8 foot tall bottle of scotch. stupid spam. I prefer Jack Daniels, but you are right on track with the giant bottle.
This GuyMay 13th, 2011 at 3:52 pm [Reply]
@Austria (#197): Oops. I really need to be more observant… missing the snark directly above my post is pretty sad. Ah, well. GMTA and all that.
@Maggie the Cat (#208): Wow, spot on!
John Pankow
I was going to say “He just needs to grow a goatee,” but he’s taken care of that, too.
May 13th, 2011 at 3:54 pm [Reply]
@Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#205): But I’ll bet Les recommends someone way overqualified (too hot) to play himself… like Luke Wilson or Matt Damon.
Wise AssMay 13th, 2011 at 3:55 pm [Reply]
@Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#205): Daniel Will-Harris.
Maggie the CatMay 13th, 2011 at 3:56 pm [Reply]
@This Guy (#211): Not only does he look enough like him, he also usually plays schleppy, douchey types so I think he’s a shoo in!
KatyMay 13th, 2011 at 4:01 pm [Reply]
I just got back from idly poking through a bunch of web pages* and I have not seen one interview with Tom Batiuk where he answers difficult questions. Is there any interview out there where he responds to coherently-explained distaste for what he’s doing?
*no, not with my new dick. It isn’t big enough for that yet.
cheech wizardMay 13th, 2011 at 4:06 pm [Reply]
FW – “So now that Hollywood has come calling, are you going to stop talking to your friends? Are you going to pack up and move to Los Angeles, and forget all about the people you left behind? Please?”
MW – This week’s guest script writer is Herman Melville, as Liza goes into her Bartleby the Scrivener routine. When Drew tells her “No, no! I’m breaking up with you! I don’t want to date you anymore It’s time to move on!” she’ll just reply “I would prefer not to, sir.”
P – Genius boy isn’t going to feel so smart when those three burly thugs find he’s sent out an S.O.S. that was answered by a waitress and a meter maid.
SF – Ted isn’t having a break from reality, he’s having a break from his safety harness.
MT – The earth is swallowing up Andy. Shouldn’t this strip have run on May 21st?
ArchieNemesisMay 13th, 2011 at 4:07 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#163): For the very reason you point out, it took me a split second too long to understand that Summer was making a Shakespearean reference. By then the urge to smile at the joke was long gone, and I could only manage a smirk.
seismic-2May 13th, 2011 at 4:09 pm [Reply]
Why should Lisa’s Story be screened in 3D? That’s two dimensions more than any of the characters.
cheech wizardMay 13th, 2011 at 4:11 pm [Reply]
@ArchieNemesis (#217): FW has always been heavily influenced by Shakespeare. A least, people seem to die all the time.
MaryAnnTheRestMay 13th, 2011 at 4:12 pm [Reply]
@kkarenb (#206): This is all a dream in which Batiuk’s real family is supportive of his writing instead of saying, “Goddamn you, you unfeeling vulture, stop exploiting my pain for your crappy, low-paying comic gig!”
Jim NorthMay 13th, 2011 at 4:16 pm [Reply]
@Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#205): Oliver Platt.
AlisonMay 13th, 2011 at 4:22 pm [Reply]
“Funky Winkerbean” is just FOOB all over again. Michael Patterson and Les Moore write shitty books no one in real life would actually read: CHECK. Michael and Les somehow get accepted by non-scam-artist agents right away instead of enduring months or even years of rejection letters: CHECK. Michael and Les get big-money Hollywood deals from their very first books: CHECK. I mean seriously, Batiuk! If you’re gonna rip off another strip, can’t you at least rip-off something that wasn’t totally unbelievable, and also didn’t suck, the first time around? Because, it sucks even more and is even less believable the second time!
Bill ThompsonMay 13th, 2011 at 4:23 pm [Reply]
BB: “Honey, remember what happened to Nelson after Trafalgar? How he died, and the Royal Navy preserved his body for the trip home? That’s right, they put him in a cask of rum. Now ask yourself why I have a man-sized bottle of cheap booze on hand.”
MT: It looks like Andy was chasing the Jackelrodball when it led him into the trap. Bad Jackelrodball! You were supposed to lead Mark Trail over a cliff!
Dr. WeirdMay 13th, 2011 at 4:24 pm [Reply]
FW
Parts of the “Lisa’s Story” movie are ALREADY MADE! Yes, the studio will learn about Lisa’s videotaped messages to her future daughter and be so moved by the footage that it will be incorporated into the film. She might even win a posthumous Oscar for her performance.
TheDivaMay 13th, 2011 at 4:26 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#215): I don’t think Batiuk believes “coherently explained distaste for what he’s doing” exists. Remember the Wit debacle, where he pitted Suicidal Susan against an entire panel of strawmen who recoiled from Deep and Serious Subjects because they were so Deep and Serious and anything that wasn’t frothy entertainment made their little straw heads ache. Any arguments that the problem is not that he’s writing Deep and Serious Subjects but that he’s doing it very, very badly are either going over his head or bouncing off it.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 13th, 2011 at 4:26 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#118): Coincidentally, I had a dream last night that all of the comics I enjoy, either ironically or unironically (and yes, Mark Trail is on that list), were yanked from the WashPost print edition—and every one of them was replaced with Reply All.
Wait—that wasn’t a dream; that was a nightmare.
Nightmare? It was a vision of Hell!
@ElkMeadow (#141): I’m enjoying Dick Tracy and Blondie myself, so sure! I only mentioned ones in the song whose demise I wouldn’t mind, but I can see how the lyrics don’t seem to allow exceptions. Glad to have a chance to clarify ‘n’ all.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 13th, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]
BB: Birthdays of loved ones are the best time to tell them, “If you’re going to drink yourself, do it quick. I’ll help.”
FW: Easy, girl! If you’ll remember, your mother died in three dimensions the first time.
Lockhorns: Kübler-Ross’ fourth stage of grief is depression. Outside of the times he gets drunk and makes passes at statuesque women who don’t exist, has anyone ever seen Leroy not in that one?
GA: Oh you and Slim may see each other in the papers, but I can guarantee they won’t be funny.
RMMD: Given the much remarked Don Knotts/Stevie Wonder resemblance, I’d have liked if the cleaning lady said the man was, “funny lookin’. You know, funny lookin’.”
FC: Well the Circus certainly took a quick turn for the dark. Will we see Thel making funeral arrangements tomorrow?
OBH: Chalk one up for Ninja Kitty.
BSt: It looks like that moose died knowing somehow that a bunch of gross old guys would fuck its stuffed head.
DtM: Wisely, Mr. Wilson didn’t mention Dennis until after he had gotten dressed.
BSt: It
May 13th, 2011 at 4:33 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#215): If your new dick ever becomes dextrous enough so that it can handle a keyboard, your earning potential will go through the roof!
Effluvius ErratusMay 13th, 2011 at 4:35 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#215):
*no, not with my new dick. It isn’t big enough for that yet.
Keep workin’ on it. You might want to try the Batiuk Method*. That’s where you sit down at work and stroke it stroke it stroke it, crying “Genius! GENIUS! GENIUS!” the whole time. (However, research indicates this only makes you feel like you’ve got a big one.)
*Not to be confused with the McEldowney Method, which is where you draw cocks on everything, the idea being that each cock you draw adds to the power of your own.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 13th, 2011 at 4:44 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#116): I thought of that Seinfeld too. You can see why Drew is so concerned. In the great Monk’s of life, he always figured he’d at least be Kramer.
JD RhoadesMay 13th, 2011 at 4:56 pm [Reply]
FW: I’m sorry, I just can’t even joke about it any more. This whole “I have to think about whether I want a movie deal for my book” bullshit makes me so angry I could spit.
seismic-2May 13th, 2011 at 4:56 pm [Reply]
What’s the plural of “haggis”? Since Mrs. Halftrack clearly wants to torment her husband, I’ll bet the bottle labeled “Scotch” is actually filled with them. The Gift of the Haggi.
Or worse, the door in the bottle will swing open and Prof. Chinbeard will step out.
PoteetMay 13th, 2011 at 5:08 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#229): Bwahaha!
Alfred E. NeumanMay 13th, 2011 at 5:11 pm [Reply]
RMMD— Famed detective, Mr. Moto, is on the case!
Alternatively
“OK, Mr. Security Guard, you look nervous. Are you nervous?”
“Noo!”
May 13th, 2011 at 5:13 pm [Reply]
bb. general half tracks expression of joy over the bottle is telling his wife finaly you get me. and i have earned your love. miss half track look is one this way maybe he will finaly go quickly by drinking the whole content and die quick.fb summer joy and glee over her father having a movie made of his work. will soon change once lisa story unleashes its evil power of death. to the masses.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 13th, 2011 at 5:15 pm [Reply]
Beetle Bailey — Mrs. General Halftrack purchased the giant liquor bottle from the Finger Giant Prop Warehouse, where you can find (among other things):
A Giant Penny —
http://www.blogcdn.com/www.comicsalliance.com/media/2010/11/penny01.jpg
A Giant Typewriter —
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPXhTYGJI479zsbcPlHgs4JyKnPrRMX5G5YzdGOqrNiIqTJKTmcNMletR63Lx5XgeMm7m8b97nPdI0Kt1c5JlOhXmFSnOkK_B9s0nmbKNI6mdK74cUF5Xe1Ox5mzQulSVaC9wXvBBdNkof/s400/GiantTypewriter.jpg
A Giant Ego —
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3155/2592473937_7cd6982545.jpg
PoteetMay 13th, 2011 at 5:18 pm [Reply]
MW — As I stare at this diptych and note the facial symmetry of how Liza and Drew horrify each other when they open their respective mouths, I realize that these two are a wonderful match. I don’t know which one will end up dead. But please, Mary, don’t mess this up.
DaggerMay 13th, 2011 at 5:23 pm [Reply]
“You’ve done well, John!” the voice of Trail called. “Your Burmese tiger pit has claimed one of my best dogs. Again you score. I think, John, I’ll see what you can do against my mutant son, Rusty. I’m going back to Lost Forest for a rest now. Thank you for a most amusing evening.”
Chip WhittleMay 13th, 2011 at 5:29 pm [Reply]
@CanuckDownSouth (#199):
I do hear your concern about what you think has already been lost in expressiveness, and that the strip could get far worse. I just don’t think the rest of us notice or need as much from the art, and you probably shouldn’t expect to get much agreement while we have the Worthiverse’s Uncanny Valley, Trailian recycling and “what IS that” Momma art to snark about instead :)
Plus, there’s the last 650 times that Little A has gone on a jag moaning about how the artwork on One Big Happy isn’t so good as it used to be and expressing his Concern and Worry that the strip was being turned over to hack assistants or the Rick Detorie didn’t care anymore or that the syndicate was demanding he make it more sucky, and then reiterated this concern ten times a day until Detorie delurks, explains that yes, the art style has changed, and yes, it’s still him drawing it and yes, it’s on purpose so that it appears in print on newspaper better, and Little A feigns understanding this for a few weeks and then goes back to step one in his tightly-wound circle.
So, most people stop worrying about Little A’s obsession with the alleged degradation of One Big Happy after a couple hundred iterations of it.
KatyMay 13th, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#229): Hell is not other people. Hell is the images you’ve put in my head. Thanks ever so.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 13th, 2011 at 5:32 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#229): “*Not to be confused with the McEldowney Method, which is where you draw cocks on everything, the idea being that each cock you draw adds to the power of your own.”
aka the Naylor method. *ducks*
Rocky StoneaxeMay 13th, 2011 at 5:35 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#236):
More about William “Bill” Finger, the co-creator of Batman:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Finger
Rana the Pedantic Wet BlanketMay 13th, 2011 at 5:56 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#158): @Katy (#192): @kkarenb (#206): kkarenb, that’s exactly what I was thinking when I read it, disgusted.
Katy, it was a splendid bludgeoning! And no worries, it’s like the Murder on the Orient Express – plenty of room for everyone.
ShrugMay 13th, 2011 at 5:58 pm [Reply]
@Illustrator Steve (#62):
“As Andy awaits rescue from the hole he fell in while leading Mark, it FINALLY becomes clear to him why Mark’s name is “Mark TRAIL”, and not, “Mark LEAD”!
I like it, but personally I’ve always assumed “Mark Trail” got his name because that’s what he does when he’s really, really nervous. (Sort of like all of those signs one might see saying “wet sidewalk,” but then when you do you get arrested.)
Rocky StoneaxeMay 13th, 2011 at 6:00 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#239):
After his multiple postings on the same subject, I’m beginning to suspect Little A is actually Rick Detorie’s press agent. The so-called DAC* could be a put-up job to keep Detorie in the public eye!
*Detorie Artwork Controversy
Here Come ole FlattopMay 13th, 2011 at 6:09 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#191): Have you tried squeezing your nose closed and pressurizing? Make it pop like the Pillsbury DoughBoy (Tm).
Carl Barks FanMay 13th, 2011 at 7:05 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#239): Dear Chip: I don’t see why my kvetches are any less legitimate than anybody else’s about any other strip… and if you don’t like my remarks, don’t read them… and at the risk of being banned from the site, I wish to say: please, go …… Never mind. I don’t want to be kicked off this site….. I like that word, iterations. And it hasn’t been 650 times, it’s been about 5-6 times over the past year and a half. Quite a few fewer than many of the snarkers shit on the art work in MW or many other strips.
Carl Barks FanMay 13th, 2011 at 7:13 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#239): Plus, I was under the impression that we avoid personal castigation on this blog.
Jake MorgendorfferMay 13th, 2011 at 8:07 pm [Reply]
aaaaannd… Les spits in the eye of success, as all he has even known is woe.
KarmynMay 13th, 2011 at 8:32 pm [Reply]
I still have this theory that Summer actually died shortly after birth and Les couldn’t handle it so he’s made up this whole thing. Summer’s really dead, Lisa is alive, and everybody just indulges in Les’s weird fantasy because they’re afraid he’ll send them to the cornfield.
CheapnewportsMay 13th, 2011 at 9:49 pm [Reply]
Newports Cigarettes,Cheap Newport 100s,Wholesale Cheap Newport Cigarettes,you will buy discount newport cigarettes free shipping!
Ethan ShusterMay 13th, 2011 at 11:39 pm [Reply]
Christ, Summer’s patented Funky Winkerbean smirk is so extreme she looks like a Muppet in profile!
Illustrator SteveMay 14th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]
@Shrug (#24 @Shrug (#244):
Mark Trail: Wow, that had never occured to me. Thanks for the tip. If ever visiting Lost Forest I’ll make sure not to park my car anywhere near Mark Trail because you never know, he could also be called, “Mark Tires”, just like my damn cat!! Come to think of it, maybe the reason Lost Forest smells so bad is because Mark’s real name is actually, “Mark TERRITORY”!
May 14th, 2011 at 10:34 am [Reply]
MT: Mark Trail is so inept about things like snare traps and tiger pits I predict he will stand on the edge of the open pit and talk to Andy while the mountain man comes up from behind him and pushes his sorry ass into the pit along to join his dog. (I also predict Jack Elrod will never be inducted into the cartoonist’s hall of fame).
Nostadamus has spoken.
May 15th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]
@Shrug (#244):
That, “WET SIDEWALK” sign you mentioned gave me a flashback to when I was about twelve. I was standing on a downtown sidewalk while waiting for my mom and looked up to see a sign that read, “NO STANDING”. I didn’t want to get in trouble or sit on the sidewalk so I walked home. True story! (I was a pretty sheltered kid).
« Name
« Website
Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. If you are HTML-savvy, you can use the following tags:
« CPS can’t save you now, Billy Metapost: Another weekend, another COTW » 
Like the site? Say it with cash! Your generous contributions keep this site strong and independent. Thanks! You too can advertise on blogs All the cool kids… 
…buy Comics Curmudgeon merchandise!
Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery No no no no no Posting and discussion policies Privacy policy Email Josh Mobile / Lo-Fi Version All post content © 2004–2011 Joshua Fruhlinger. Comics reproduced here for purposes of review only, and all rights remain with their creators; please don't sue me. All comments remain the property and responsibility of those who posted them. Blog powered by WordPress, which is way cool. Hosting provided by ServInt Internet Services, who are lovely people. Site designed by the charming and talented Adam Norwood; logo designed by the talented and charming Francesco Marciuliano. This blog was once known as I Read The Comics So You Don't Have To. It is in no way affiliated with Funny Paper, which used to read the comics so you don't have to, and may do so again. Are you still reading this? Why are you still reading this? A.L.
0 comments:
Post a Comment