Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/16/11
You know, I thought I had already unwillingly contemplated all the ways in which existence among the inbred, illiterate wretches of Hootin’ Holler would be awful, but here comes today’s strip to prove me wrong! Can you imagine what life must be like for what I assume is the community’s sole undertaker? Day after day, he must deal with the town’s filthy, hirsute dead, and some dim sense of how civilized people look and behave drives him to provide them in death with a modicum of the dignity that they cared nothing for in life. I’m actually kind of surprised that Loweezy and Elviney even recognize Travis, and don’t hiss at his strange, hairless face, fearful of whatever devil-magic cleaned all the grime off of it.
Mark Trail, 5/16/11
Ha ha, what if all this “there’s a crazy man living in the woods” business was just a distraction from the real story here: namely, that the bears have finally decided to rise up against us? One shouldn’t doubt their capability to put their revolutionary schemes into effect, as they’re clearly intelligent to eliminate the Mark Trail, the only human who could stop them, before moving against the cities.
This entry was posted on Monday, May 16, 2011 at 07:32 am and is filed under Barney Google & Snuffy Smith, Mark Trail. | 329 responses to “” Bill the ButcherMay 16th, 2011 at 7:36 am [Reply]
Then along comes Smuffy to open the first Mummification parlour.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 7:36 am [Reply]
@teenchy (#y65):
5/16 Marmaduke: Nice shout out to Cecil the Sea-Sick Sea Serpent.
True couples story: After Mrs. Stoneaxe and I first started dating, we discovered that we had each saved a large stuffed toy from our childhoods. She still had her Beany and I still had my Cecil!
animusMay 16th, 2011 at 7:41 am [Reply]
MT All that and no “right to arm bears” joke?
MattFMay 16th, 2011 at 7:44 am [Reply]
This is exciting! Now, how long will it take for Mark, starved and taunted by the mountain-man/serial killer, to come up with a recipe for Andyburgers?
Somnolent AphidMay 16th, 2011 at 7:46 am [Reply]
I can’t believe you missed Beetle choking his chicken in celebration of Sarge’s anniversary! I was looking forward to it this morning!
Mordock999May 16th, 2011 at 7:46 am [Reply]
Today’s Luann 05/16/11
Jeez, You’re turning up your noses at 225 bucks, ladies?!?
Hell, THATS a FULL tank ‘o gas in MOST cities these days!
Teenagers……,
________________
DEATH to TJ!!!
May 16th, 2011 at 7:47 am [Reply]
Phantom: The lightbulb is a goner, but the sandwich might have a fighting chance.
“Rustic corpse” is a fitting phrase for Snuffy Smith in general.
RustyMay 16th, 2011 at 7:48 am [Reply]
Bears are full-body facial hair. That would only increase Mark’s punching power.
Brian CookseyMay 16th, 2011 at 7:49 am [Reply]
If Mark gets out of that pit, those bears better watch out. They’ve got way too much facial hair and that just pisses Trail off.
Doctor HandsomeMay 16th, 2011 at 7:49 am [Reply]
Has Mark uncovered a nefarious pic-a-nic basket smuggling ring?
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 7:50 am [Reply]
“Only you can prevent wildfires Mark Trails!”
http://www.nps.gov/fire/images/photos/timeline/361_nps_timelineimages_wfo-2004.jpg
Doctor HandsomeMay 16th, 2011 at 7:51 am [Reply]
“A shave, a haircut, an’ a bath can work wonders, Loweezy! Hint, hint.”
wossnameMay 16th, 2011 at 7:57 am [Reply]
Doones – presumably Chester believes the world is going to end on Saturday. And presumably Trudeau doesn’t.
GT – wait, who is whose little brother? Oh, my head hurts. But Coach Kaz’s arm looks nice. OK, now I feel better.
MT – The giant bears recoil in horror at Jackelrod’s conflation of the question mark and ellipsis dots.
A3G –The only question is whether Lu Ann or Margo will catch the bouquet. Or whether it will fly toward Margo but she’ll smack it away with a powerful backhand.
Archie – You know, if there were somebody, just hypothetically, who wanted to complain about a comic whose art has gone to hell, this would be a good place to start. I’ve just started noticing it in the last week or so, but I think some of the CC comics cognoscenti (comicscenti?) have said the switch was last year – is that right?
Phan – Rocky, I hope you’ll be including “ULP!” in today’s list of sound effects.
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#2): Aww! That’s sweet!
HibbletonMay 16th, 2011 at 8:00 am [Reply]
MW: Wow, Drew really is driving in a panic. He’s already put Chicago in the rear view. However, judging by the white smoke coming from the back of his 1990 Dodge Shadow, he’s gonna need a new head gasket.
DoodMay 16th, 2011 at 8:02 am [Reply]
Hey, up there. Yeah, you Nos. 1 through 14. What’s this about?
S. StoutMay 16th, 2011 at 8:08 am [Reply]
Loweezy is so distressed because she now realizes that she’d rather have done her fornicatin’ with Travis instead.
Katie CunninghamMay 16th, 2011 at 8:12 am [Reply]
The mournful words from her companion’s mouth were merely a dull buzz to Elviney. She had seen the perversion of the man, pale and smelling of powder and chemicals. While this had turned Loweezy away, Elviney could barely resist its sick draw. She would be back for still man-thing, under cover of night, and she would have her way with it.
ScienceGiantMay 16th, 2011 at 8:13 am [Reply]
MT: please let it be a Bermese tiger pit, please let it be Bermese tiger pit. Hell, I’ll settle for just a punji stick at the bottom!
DoodMay 16th, 2011 at 8:14 am [Reply]
The Hootin’ Holler caskets look like they could double as buffet serving stations. Nice.
KarMannMay 16th, 2011 at 8:23 am [Reply]
@Dood (#19): What do you mean, “look like”?
Mark BMay 16th, 2011 at 8:29 am [Reply]
MT: The artists do a lot better job of drawing cars than people. The Drewmobile looks pretty awesome, although the Drewcave is about to be invaded by his nemesis, Nurselady.
Doctor HandsomeMay 16th, 2011 at 8:30 am [Reply]
@Dood (#15): I can’t understand what you’re saying. You need to bold harder.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 8:30 am [Reply]
5-16 Weird Sound Effects:
Rubes — ZAP
Peanuts — POW!
Crock — HHISSS
Monty — CRUNCH
Spider-Man — FZZZ
Oh, Brother! — ZOOOM!
Phantom — WHAM! BLAM!
Buckles — MUNCH MUNCH
Dilbert — BAM! BAM! BAM!
Piranha Club — POKE POKE
Wizard of Id — BOING… NAB… ZIP
Marvin — BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
May 16th, 2011 at 8:33 am [Reply]
If Marvin’s mother’s job skills are limited to lying back and spreading her legs, it shouldn’t be too difficult for her to figure out why she’s a mother. This might be the dirtest Marvin ever, in a non-fecal sense.
MT: Crap, I’ve got “What’s It All About, Alfie?” stuck in my head.
SF: How can you be home if Ted isn’t there saying something inane?
SM: Once again Peter fails to shoot and disappoints Mary Jane.
Ziggy: Really? Mucus drop?
PipMay 16th, 2011 at 8:35 am [Reply]
Look at how smug Elviney is in the second panel. “Yes, yes. In death it is proven! All are inferior to the cleanly queen that is Elviney!”
Mark BMay 16th, 2011 at 8:35 am [Reply]
The Amazing[?] Spider Man: Somehow, Mary Jane switched out of the unflattering gold spandex pants she was wearing in yesterday’s comment to a tasteful mini dress in mid-fall. Hugh Jass also seems to have taken a powder.
Mark BMay 16th, 2011 at 8:37 am [Reply]
The Amazing[?] Spider Man[CORRECTED]: Somehow, Mary Jane switched out of the unflattering gold spandex pants she was wearing in yesterday’s comic to a tasteful minidress in mid-fall. Hugh Jass also seems to have taken a powder.
NekrotzarMay 16th, 2011 at 8:38 am [Reply]
The undertaker is obviously new in town and unfamiliar with their ways, as he has chosen to give the deceased a decent burial, rather than dumping the body in the town water supply.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 8:40 am [Reply]
@wossname (#13):
Phan – Rocky, I hope you’ll be including “ULP!” in today’s list of sound effects.
My self-imposed rule is to exclude actual dialogue from my Weird Sound Effects, so this doesn’t turn into a full-time job!
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#23):
Correction: Spider-Man — FZZZL
jethomesMay 16th, 2011 at 8:50 am [Reply]
The second panel of Mark Trail heralds the triumphant return of Molly the Bear, who recognizes that strangely punctuated world balloon and its poor effort to pretend that it belongs to a human being in peril. This will end with her either serving as Mark’s battle-mount or feeding him to her cub.
JosharellaMay 16th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]
That’s actually William Hurt in the bushes, trapping the outsider in a pit to prevent their hermetic village from receiving any ridicule from Mark Trail. Mainstream critics and audiences were hard enough on it.
Mr. MagooMay 16th, 2011 at 8:53 am [Reply]
MT: As Mark and Andy are stuck in the pit, Mark calls upon Almighty God seeking the true meaning in his life.
doggansMay 16th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]
I don’t know why, but “Hey, up there, what’s this about” is making me think of Harry “Snapper” Organs interrupting plays with several outbursts of “What’s all this, then?”
//Dinsdale!
Jim CMay 16th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]
“Too bad he never tried it whilst he wuz alive!”
“Whilst”? Did James Fenimore Cooper guest-write this gag? What kinda talk is that from the grand dame of Hootin’ Holler?
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 16th, 2011 at 9:12 am [Reply]
3G – “Jack is right. It is time to go. But there’s one important thing left to do.”
“Therefore, I will now toss what it is you call the wedding pod, so that new human host can know joy we now are feeling as new members of extraterrestrial species. Sterilize! Sterilize!”
Dennis – “Twitter, twitter, tweet tweet tweet!
Phoned it in, now let’s go eat.”
Family – “Nope, he hasn’t gotten his head stuck in the bars yet. I thought we had spaced them perfectly.”
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 16th, 2011 at 9:13 am [Reply]
Marmaduke – Holy crapping pancakes, is that an Odd Ogg in the foreground? Hell, I’ll buy that! (“Odd Ogg, Odd Ogg / Half turtle and half frog / He’s the greatest toy of all / Odd Ogg plays ball!”)
Slylock knows that Shady Shrew is lying because he has neglected to include a crew of badly drawn oarsmen to repeat the old joke from grade school about how the bad news is that the captain wants to go water skiing.
Spider-Man – Looks like it’s up to the putative villain to save the day. Or at least to move the plot forward, whichever takes less effort.
Tom AllenMay 16th, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]
Only too late did Cuzzin Travis learn what “Snuffy films” entailed.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 16th, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]
Zippy – Huh. Dingburg just became slightly interesting and there’s a Herbie Popnecker shout-out. I just hit the bifecta.
@KarMann (#y71): He’s only half frog.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 16th, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]
Josh – Re Snuffy: I’m reminded of H. Allen Smith’s account of his youthful discomfort watching the town undertaker curse a ‘client’ for not keeping his feet clean.
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#2): Quel coincidence! I still have a Dishonest John. Actually, he’s a “Jumping DJ” minus his black cloth, but that can be replaced.
@wossname (#13): As far as I can tell, the artist died a year ago, but the artwork only ran out some weeks back.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 16th, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]
Lio: take THAT, Billingsley! :-P
DT: Mugg’s a big dog. . . .
GF: old meme is old. . .
JP: old-style DT pacing here.
MG&G: /facepalm
Pluggers. Sheila’s post-O-in-the-morning face. Andy, of course, went back to sleep.
SFx: the Dude isn’t abiding the Shrew.
snarpologies, now off to catch up on multiple newthreads. :-)
Mark BMay 16th, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]
MT: New text message on Drew’s phone: “HEY LUVR, REDY TO TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVL?”
John MichaelsonMay 16th, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]
Don’t worry Loweezy, I’m sure you still have many dozens of cousins running around of equally close relationship. Heck, there’s probably a couple more Cuzzin Travises running around, are you even sure which specific one this is?
Mark BMay 16th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]
SM: Both Spiderman and Mary Jane fall to their deaths, but Martine and Morbius restore them to an undead state with their vampire powers. From now on, Spiderman can only webswing at night.
PozzoMay 16th, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]
The unseen panel 3 in MT will answer the old question: “Does a bear shit in a pit?”
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 16th, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]
MT: Talk about conflations, I just happened to find a video illustrating Mark tumbling into that pit.
But What Do I Know?May 16th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]
A3G — “There’s one important thing left to do.” I presume she’s referring to tossing the bouquet and not doing the nasty. . .
Luann — And we’re back to the pageant. . . Can’t Evans hire anyone to run these things in order?
SM –What? How much concentration does it take to press your fingers to your palm?
JP — Jump, don’t jump. I don’t care anymore!
MT — After the home invasion, when the bears returned to their cottage and found their food eaten, furniture broken, and beds violated, they’ve started taking a lot more security precautions. Looks like Papa and Baby Bear came out to see what intruder had fallen into their pit trap while Mama calls 911. . .
Esther BlodgettMay 16th, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]
Thanks to Spider-Man, we now that erectile dysfunction has a sound, and that sound is FZZL.
Esther BlodgettMay 16th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#2): Very sweet, in a vaguely disturbing way. :)
pugfugglyMay 16th, 2011 at 9:39 am [Reply]
Who would have guessed that Mr. Thrasher would have actually been Timothy Treadwell stand-in? In this version of the story, however, he makes a deal with the bear to save his own life with a promise of a meaty human entree with a side of dog.
Mmmmm…now that’s some poor taste……
TheDivaMay 16th, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]
MT: On Saturday, it had appeared Mark was startled into the yawning chasm at his feet. Now it’s revealed he was pushed in with a ten-foot-pole by a bear, which moves him a bit further up on the Looney Toons Villain Competence Scale.
9CL: “Good.” *knees him in the groin* [*]
C’shaft: Proving that there is no situation so desperate or devastating that Crankshaft won’t try to benefit from it.
DT: “Snow can only mean one thing…this truck has been up to the mountains this weekend!”
FW: Wow, Batiuk didn’t even wait for Les to sign on the dotted line to start in on the ‘Hollywood is full of fake fake people who don’t understand the PAIN and ART of Specialest Snowflakes” screed. This has got to be some kind of record.
Luann would like to remind you that Tiffany is an evil, evil person who deserves your ridicule. Thank you.
MW: Denial ain’t just Liza’s permanent state of being, Drew…
SM: Maybe he should just relax and try again in ten minutes?
pugfugglyMay 16th, 2011 at 9:42 am [Reply]
So is a shave and a haircut AND a bath….3 bits?
Maggie the CatMay 16th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]
Mark really needs to be more specific to whom he is speaking. He is probably directing his comment to the one who poked him with the stick, but the bears are confused and think he’s talking to them.
Bill ThompsonMay 16th, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]
MT: Both bears are free and walking around, so we’ve established that Mark Trail isn’t smarter than the average bear. Rusty stayed out of this story, so Mark Trail isn’t smarter than a fifth-grader. Is there anyone who Mark Trail is smarter than?
ShrugMay 16th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#2):
“She still had her Beany and I still had my Cecil!”
Is that what you crazy kids are calling them these days?
Jim NorthMay 16th, 2011 at 9:59 am [Reply]
Sorry for any oversnark.
Crank: It’s funny because we’re all fucked a few decades from now!
FC: “Mommy, guess who’s up and had a very good night’s sleep?” “MOMMY SURE AS HELL DIDN’T!” Thel screamed in reply. Seconds later the half-empty whiskey bottle smashed against the wall, causing Dolly to flee like a frightened rabbit.
H&L: “Look, Trixie, this cardboard cutout of your dad is wearing the t-shirt you made for him!”
Jumble: The movie star couple didn’t mind when their kids did this: SNORT COKE, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH STRANGERS, AND MAKE GENERAL TWATS OF THEMSELVES.
MT: Maybe I’ve just been missing too much sleep lately, but I can’t really stop giggling at today’s Mark Trail. These precious little moments where things just don’t seem like they could possibly get any more ludicrous are the ones we should really treasure in life.
Marm: Oh, okay, then maybe the real owners should just come along and collect their stuff oh wait they can’t because Marmaduke fucking ate them.
Marvin: Take that, mothers of the world! Ha! That’ll teach you to get all uppity, start putting on airs, like you’re real people or something. Marvin’s keeping it real, yo, and telling it like it is.
Phantom: Did you hear that “BLAM”? That’s the sound of this story coming to a close. Fun stuff, eh? Oh well, let’s get on to a nice bit about the Phantom losing one of the kids (let’s say . . . the girl, why not?), but he gives up looking for her even before he really starts, then when he finally does find her it’s pretty much by accident and he’s a dick about it the whole way, asking her where the hell she’s been, why was she out so late, and does she know that her mother has been worried sick?
Pluggers of the Future have coffeepots still, but they’re really just for show. All beverages in the year 2172 come from the DrinkBlimp, a peaceful alien that was captured, enslaved, and is now forced to float around, dispensing drinks by reaching through the ceiling with its tentacle-like appendages.
RMMD: They must’ve really been out in force looking for Mr. Riley Knotts. The local cops have apparently accepted help from the cops of another city, where the uniforms come in a ridiculous electric blue rather than the standard powder blue.
Gloom RaiderMay 16th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]
I like to think today’s MT stops just before the panel where the two bears are sitting on their haunches and laughing their heads off.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 16th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]
tomorrow, in Mark Trail.
the IRL inspiration for Le Chat Blue haz a revolt.
suggestion for the JumpStart ‘rents.
royal corgsquick.
epic shop. (turtle power!)
FENNEC!!!
the bad news? This pup is only 4 weeks old. bellybellybelly!
a little moment of win.
otter face. (boop!)
epic kewt in shades.
stumpy legs + stairs: beyond kewt. Warning, short vid contains floof and puppy barks. *squeeee!*
Esther BlodgettMay 16th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]
I typically don’t get offended by comic strips, except in an aesthetic sense. But I’ll make an exception for today’s Marvin. Fuck you, Armstrong. That ain’t funny.
Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™May 16th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#193): I’ve been keeping in the shadows lately. Not much to comment on. In early May, it looked like I’d have surgery again. I didn’t. There was a swelling which led to a seizure.
The day will come when I will snark.
UncleJeffMay 16th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]
Mark Trail keeps getting better and better.
All we need now is for one of the ubiquiducks to take a crap in Mark’s pit.
May 16th, 2011 at 10:05 am [Reply]
Josh’s description of today’s Mark Trail reminded me of Terry Bisson’s short story “Bears Discover Fire”. The title of the story pretty much describes what happens in it.
Esther BlodgettMay 16th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]
@Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#60): Hi Dingo! We’ll wait for you! We promise!
Maggie the CatMay 16th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#59): I second that. Just for that, I hope Marvin has to sit in that shitty* diaper all day.
*because you KNOW it’s full of shit. It’s Marvin, that’s what he does.
word-doctorMay 16th, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]
@nescio (#24):
Working for the public in Texas has such an ominous future that (even!) today’s Marvin couldn’t provoke a comment from me. Thanks–I needed this.
pugfugglyMay 16th, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]
FW: Oh Boo Hoo Hoo, those mean Hollywood producers might get him to change Lisa’s name, while keeping the plot and characters completely intact. Oh, woe is Les….
Won’t he be surprised when he gets to Hollywood and those produces tell him: “Actually, we already finished filming a cancer-related rom-com with Jennifer Garner and John Stamos, we just need to get the rights to some cancer book so we can stamp ‘based on a true story’ on the trailers.”
twgMay 16th, 2011 at 10:18 am [Reply]
MT: Yawn, Colbert predicted this ages ago.
pugfugglyMay 16th, 2011 at 10:18 am [Reply]
@UncleJeff (#61):
All we need now is for one of the ubiquiducks to take a crap in Mark’s pit.
On a related note, I’ve decided to start a synthpunk band called John Thrasher and the Ubiquiducks. Our first album will be called Mark’s Pit and the first single will ‘Bears!!!’.
Alan's AddictionMay 16th, 2011 at 10:21 am [Reply]
Well, I learned something today. I assumed that the folks of Hootin’ Holler would view traditional funerals and burials as a fancy, flat-lander conceit and prefer burying their dead in shallow graves in the woods. Now I learn otherwise. However, some of my basic assumptions are correct; the inhabitants of Hootin’ Holler don’t go for that fancy, flat-lander “hygiene” during life.
This “Mark Trail” villain is unusually incompetent. In order to get his traps to work; he must actually push his intended victims into them. That’s like a rat trap where you have to catch the rats, then actually put them into the trap. John Thresher does make up for his stupidity by giving us, in the first panel, the incomparably funny image of Mark Trail being literally poked with a 10-foot stick.
May 16th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#40):
Josh – Re Snuffy: I’m reminded of H. Allen Smith’s account of his youthful discomfort watching the town undertaker curse a ‘client’ for not keeping his feet clean.
Is this the same H. Allen Smith who used to write for the funny books?
http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/2/26700/537016-563_1_super.jpg
@Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#60):
The day will come when I will snark.
We’re going to hold you to your promise!
Chip WhittleMay 16th, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]
@But What Do I Know? (#47):
Can’t Evans hire anyone to run these things in order?
Wait, Luann was on a different plot last week? Are you sure? Hold on.
/me checks the archives.
Huh. I guess last week was plot B after all.
teenchyMay 16th, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#2): So you two knew you were made for each other!
The missus and I had no such toys but we will once in a great while sing the last stanza of the theme song to each other.
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#40): Linked to the B&C intro I linked yesterthread (which I can’t link to now as YT is blocked at my client’s office) is a c.1962 Mattel ad featuring the “Jumping DJ” and Cecil puppets as well as Mr. Ed and Bugs Bunny puppets. I won’t spoil it except to say that Cecil gets a bit naughty with mom toward the end.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 16th, 2011 at 10:34 am [Reply]
@wossname (#13): re: Doones—Oh, I bet you’re right; I missed that completely!
And re: MT—So they’re sort of an ursine Didactic Duo? I’m not sure they can fit into pencil skirts, though.
@Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#60): We’re all waiting for that day, Dingo!
MW: I’m actually a little frightened by the idea that Santa Royale is a major city; those skyscrapers can only be filled with ((shudder)) Santa Royalians.
A3G: All that hubbub and discussion about Kate Middleton’s wedding dress, and no one thought to consult Lisa Trusiani? Go figure.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 16th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#58): “Pudge” is a great name for a corgi!
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#70):
Another “Rhubarb” comic book cover:
http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/0/3125/477592-fc423_super.jpg
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 16th, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#74): yes it is! I believe that this is OCD’s owner’s new puppy, which she has been frantically waiting to get for quite some time.
jayjaybearMay 16th, 2011 at 10:51 am [Reply]
Let the Phantom ephebophilia slashfic begin!
Walker of DogMay 16th, 2011 at 11:00 am [Reply]
A3G: As Tommie prepares to catch the bouquet, Margo incinerates it with her heat vision.
Lu Ann is terrified by the thought of sentient, airborn flora and hides under a table for the rest of the evening.
BG&SS: Elviney is amused but, out of respect for the dead, declines to tongue-waggle.
S-M: “Spidey’s concentration fails him”? In this version, Peter’s spider-gunk comes directly out of the web-shooting bracelets… that’s he’s not currently wearing. Got it.
– FZZZL: The official sound effect of The Amazing Spider-Man
RMMD: O’Malley the cop is relieved to have identified the suspect. Maybe this accomplishment will end all the ribbing he gets from the other officers about his faded uniform. He can’t afford to buy a replacement because he spent his entire uniform stipend on designer shoes and a Montoni’s franchise.
Phan: As the kidnappers sigh and begin the 14-step cleanup process for a broken CFL bulb, the Phantom crows over his achievement: “HaHA! Eat lead, mercury!”
Heinrich SeifenblaseMay 16th, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]
MT: While the mysterious Mountain Man is as well-trained as Rambo in survival skills in behind enemy lines in the forest, Mark Trail apparently learned his wilderness survival skills from Gilligan.
Uncle Ritzy FritzMay 16th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]
@KarMann (#20): There is much more implied here. Neither woman is dressed for a wake; in fact they are both wearing aprons. And Travis is laid out in what does look like a buffet set up, chafing dish just out of the picture. Hope ol’ cuz’ favorite color was Soylent Green.
Uncle LumpyMay 16th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]
Wilbur Weston reads today’s Phantom: “But what happened to the sandwich? Oh, hey, lunchtime already?”
DanMay 16th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]
BG&SS: A smug little bemused, chin-stroking smirk in the face of death and despair? You can ghost-draw all the comics you like, but I’m onto you, Batiuk.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 16th, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]
SSmith: Hootin’ Holler, where rotting corpses smell better than the living.
DT: Thank you, Lizz.
JP: Emma may say she doesn’t want the press around while she threatens suicide, but when she volumizes her hair that much you have to wonder.
WofI: Krakens are tentacled beasties, not just dragons with a couple of letters changed. Try again.
SFx: “Doggie Dude”? You can’t fool me. That’s Poochie! And he’s still totally in my face!
HCliff: The customer base collapsed when junkies found out there was no heroin in it.
S-M: Martine looks angry, and no wonder. There’s no excuse for wasting food like that.
BB: Beetle’s anniversary is marked by lying in bed doing something that requires both hands under the covers. Sarge is watching, because of course he is.
Crock: So many things I could point out as being wrong here, but let’s just sum it up with “the existence of Crock.
A3G: When Doris gets that look on her face and says that there’s one important thing left to do, you know what’s coming next. Margo, I hope you’re wearing Kevlar.
Phantom: Seriously, this kid is what, eleven? It’s obvious that Paul Ryan has no idea what “college” is, and just interpreted the word as “extra scrawny.”
NoahSnarkMay 16th, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]
Mark being poked in the back by a giant stick attracts the interest in a pair of bears – the only way Jack Elrod could add more gay subtext to the strip is to have Mr. Trail wear leather chaps.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 16th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]
@jayjaybear (#77): The Ghost-who-puts-the “AH!” in Wingardium Leviosa . . . .
Pseudo3DMay 16th, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]
Marvin: A baby who probably should’ve been aborted.
SM: A hero who does no heroics.
MT: A nature journalist who’s a complete a fool.
9CL: A jerk who gets exactly what he wants.
MW: A doctor who can’t break up with his creepy girlfriend.
CalicoMay 16th, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]
@Jim C (#35):
I wondered that too-why is Loweezy using a Britishism?
Second question-do they actually use formaldehyde, or just a big tub of ice in Hootin’ Holler?
May 16th, 2011 at 11:31 am [Reply]
FC: Better get used to those bars, PJ. [*]
Pseudo3DMay 16th, 2011 at 11:33 am [Reply]
Drat, the mouseover text didn’t work. Can anyone tell me how to do it properly?
Artist formerly known as BenMay 16th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]
@Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#60):
The day will come when I will snark.
And that’s a day we look forward to.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 16th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#88): Back to the Future, right?
TaggedMay 16th, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]
@wossname (#13): I think you may be onto something re: this week’s Doonesbury storyline: http://www.tntmagazine.com/tnt-today/archive/2011/05/16/world-will-end-on-may-21-says-new-york-pensioner.aspx
Uncle LumpyMay 16th, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#89):
Enter or copy/paste this: [*]
To get this: [*]
May 16th, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#73) and @Tagged (#92): My assumption is that Chester is giving all his stuff to Zonker because he expects to be raptured on Saturday and won’t need it any more. I further assume that GT has written strips for after Saturday wherein Chester (a) deals with the fact that he didn’t get raptured and (b) tries to get his stuff back.
NekrotzarMay 16th, 2011 at 11:49 am [Reply]
@Alan’s Addiction (#69): That’s like a rat trap where you have to catch the rats, then actually put them into the trap.
That’s why I hate those bug zappers. Not only is it exhausting having to catch all those mosquitoes, but I keep burning my fingers pressing them against the electrical element.
Little GuyMay 16th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]
Rejected Mark Trail Dialogue, Copyright Edition:
“All RIGHT! WHAT is ALL THIS then?!?!” – Month Python
“WHAT is GOING AAHHHHHHHN!?!?!?!?“ -Joe Schmo
Little GuyMay 16th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]
@Little Guy (#96): Month Monty Python
Damn auto-corrector…
Esther BlodgettMay 16th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]
@NoahSnark (#84): Assless, of course.
Baka GaijinMay 16th, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]
Mark Trail: Look! Mark toppled into the pit due to his unusually tiny Barbie-doll feet. Look at ‘em.
Mark Trail, part 2: They should repeat panel 1 every day, just vary the angle a little like between today and Saturday’s strip.
Baka GaijinMay 16th, 2011 at 12:19 pm [Reply]
Get Fuzzy: Tomorrow’s penultimate panel “The cake is a lie. The cake is a lie.”
gnome de blogMay 16th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]
@MattF (#4):
This is exciting! Now, how long will it take for Mark, starved and taunted by the mountain-man/serial killer, to come up with a recipe for Andyburgers?
Longer than it will take Andy to come up with Mark a la tartare.
BraniffMay 16th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#23): FC: KLINK! (The sound of the door of a jail cell being closed)
VoshkodMay 16th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]
So, Mark Trail works as an undertaker in Hootin’ Holler?
Effluvius ErratusMay 16th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]
Jumble:
The movie star couple didn’t mind when their kids did this.
|S|H|O|O|T| |U|P|
@Pseudo3D (#86):
Marvin: A baby who probably should’ve been aborted.
Maybe this can be his theme song (doesn’t start till 2-minute mark).
bats :[May 16th, 2011 at 12:27 pm [Reply]
@Mr. O’Malley (#64Y): Why, you make it sound like, if Tom B. goes through with this particular storyline, everything involved in turning a book into a film will be inaccurate! Doesn’t anyone ever remember that what Tom B. does is Writing? Damn fine Writing?!? Surely that trumps accuracy!
MibbitmakerMay 16th, 2011 at 12:28 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#36):
re: DtM: Since the kid is supposed to be a “menace”, I’d say they phonied it in.
May 16th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]
I love how the little narration box has no punctuation at all. Ordinarily, I feel like your main character being shoved violently (by… a stick, I guess) into a pit of undetermined depth would elicit an exclamation point, or even an ellipsis to broaden the suspense, but not even the inkers give a shit about Mark anymore. “Yeah, yeah, shoved in a pit, possible broken limbs or railroad spikes, we get it, pass the tequila.”
MaryAnnTheRestMay 16th, 2011 at 12:33 pm [Reply]
@Bill the Butcher (#1): Ugh, nightmare flashbacks of my childhood living next to a drunken hillbilly cryogenics tech. Despite what you see in Futurama, in real life, the job’s not all that glamorous or well paying. Apologies to all you drunken cryogenics techs out there. When I was a preschooler, he used to swig Bearhugger’s whiskey and tell me how he spent his days at work trying to figure out how to change the frozen heads into ghouls or vampires or someone to talk to and help him sweep up. Good times. He also had a bomb shelter. Apparently, I grew up in Hootin’ Holler, the post-2012 version.
The Yellow KidMay 16th, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]
Blondie: I thought at first that Blondie was sitting in Dagwood’s TV-viewing chair, but her perpendicular reading chair is absent. Do the Bumsteads have two identical rooms for TV viewing, with one chair positioned in front of each set?
TheDivaMay 16th, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#59) and @Maggie the Cat (#64): Today’s Marvin is less offensive if you take it not in the context of saying that women become stay-at-home mothers because they lack any other useful skills, but in the sense that only someone who has no other options whatsoever would demean themselves by being Marvin’s caregiver.
….No, even then it’s still pretty damn offensive. I want to slap that little shit.
CalicoMay 16th, 2011 at 12:37 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#90):
Indeed.
Dingo, my thoughts and prayers are with you-I’m still watching Patrick the Bear Stud on Canada’s Top Chef, BTW. Be well and I hope you can get back to your snarky self soon! ((((((hugs))))))
May 16th, 2011 at 12:38 pm [Reply]
Oh, no, “Mark Trail is Eaten by Bears.” You can’t fool me. I won’t fall for your plotline promises. I learned my lesson reading “Mark Trail is Gravely Wounded by a Smuggler” and “Mark Trail Embraces His Wife.”
Thomas B.May 16th, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]
I love the spate of slapstick comedy in the current Mark Trail story arc. I just wish comics were more than just a visual medium because I think some “Laugh-in” style cut music would work great here. I mean after getting pushed into a pit by a bush holding a twig, shouldn’t that brown bear could look right at us and say “Very interesting, but stupid.”
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 16th, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#23): WB: SPIFF SPIFF SPIFF SPIFF
Maggie the CatMay 16th, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#91): For some reason I was thinking “Terms of Endearment” or its sequel…
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 16th, 2011 at 12:47 pm [Reply]
MT:
In North Africa they have Libyans.
In the LoFo HiCo they have Sybians.
May 16th, 2011 at 12:50 pm [Reply]
BB: When much younger, I asked a veteran if it was true that if you were caught masturbating in the army they made you wear white sneakers (something a teenager would worry about). He laughed and said that if that were the case every soldier would be wearing white sneakers. Perhaps this kind of grizzled but warm-hearted experience is why Walker Inc. is comfortable depicting Beetle whacking-off in the middle of the barracks.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]
Undertakers in Hootin’ Holler use bleach instead of formaldehyde:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_LnTgTu-Rh0o/S_Vwk0HaPyI/AAAAAAAABVI/WtHgdN7pKc8/s1600/DSC_0019.JPG
jayjaybearMay 16th, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]
@Hibbleton (#117):
whacking-off in the middle of the barracks.
Hey! I have that movie!
But What Do I Know?May 16th, 2011 at 1:15 pm [Reply]
@Chip Whittle (#71): Sure, if you want to call that conversation with the Aussie kid a “plot.” I’d prefer, oh, what’s that word for when time passes slowly but nothing seems to happen? Oh, yeah, Judgeparker. . .
PoteetMay 16th, 2011 at 1:18 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#Y52): A bats:[ masterpiece dedicated to me. Life is good.
bats :[May 16th, 2011 at 1:20 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#2): awwwwwwwwwww…guess it was meant to be!
I vaguely remember B&C…at least my mom would remind me that I loved watching it (well, okay, I guess. Most likely because Cecil was kind of dinosaur-like, and I was a nut for dinosaurs.).
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#11): and that damned same squirrel it there! Come on, it should at least have a NAME!
@doggans (#34): Spiny Norman would be right at home with the other Giant Animals in Lost Forest!
@Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#60): I’ll be here with Mark Trail, both with baited breath.
@pugfuggly (#66): you know, if Les didn’t want His Precious made into a movie, couldn’t he just put on his big boy pants and say No?
This GuyMay 16th, 2011 at 1:25 pm [Reply]
Doones: I saw that at least one person had organized “Post-Rapture Looting” as a Facebook event recently. I’m also sure that Eternal Earth-Bound Pets is doing brisk business.
FW: You know it’s “WRITING!” when the author’s avatar can be the critics’ darling one moment and the poor, struggling artist the next.
Zits: Listen, lady, having an incestuous infatuation with your son is bad enough, but simply assuming he’s taking you to the prom without even asking is just plain rude.
bats :[May 16th, 2011 at 1:26 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#81): geez, I’m working on it! I’m working on it! So much snarky goodness, and on a Monday, too!
DoodMay 16th, 2011 at 1:27 pm [Reply]
Apartment 3-G: “Jack is right, it is time to go. But there’s one important thing left to do.
“Ahem.
“Clean up, clean up everybody everywhere. Clean up, clean up everybody do your
share…”
PoteetMay 16th, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]
@Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#60): We look forward to that day.
Jim CMay 16th, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]
@Calico (#87):
I would guess they use moonshine.
Either Snuffy or one of his competitors probably has the supply contract, though I don’t know what the medium of exchange would be – free burial of all family members (not cheap considering the infant mortality around there – that’s got to be Tater #8 or so) maybe?
May 16th, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]
A3G: “Next on Apartment 3-G…” IS today’s A3G.
DT: Can he complete Dick’s speech balloon, too? Also — Nothing gets by ol’ Liz!
FW: NOBODY expects any but SPECIALEST FREAKIN’ SNOWSTORM to be worthy in this universe!
Jeez, reading this sludge is like a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
GF: What is this, Darby? Summer Rerun Season?
PoteetMay 16th, 2011 at 1:34 pm [Reply]
SS — Loweezy is chagrined because she now realizes that Travis probably was lying when he claimed, back when they were screwing behind the haystack, that he was allergic to soap.
This GuyMay 16th, 2011 at 1:40 pm [Reply]
@Mibbitmaker (#128): Well, I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition. [*]
MibbitmakerMay 16th, 2011 at 1:41 pm [Reply]
Marvin: Little ball of hate.
ReFOOB: Yep, we’re ALL male chauvinist pigs! Right, Ms. Working Women Suck?
MT: “Funnier Than Any Humor Strip” continues — more bears not understanding something. Trail, you won’t get anywhere talking to a pair of dumb * animals. (what if one of the bears was actually named Alfie?)
Garfield: Odie, please aim for FW, won’t you? Right on the bench! Thataboy!
MW: …..in a padded cell.
MibbitmakerMay 16th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]
MG&G: Man, is he gonna be one traumatized bulldog by the time this week ends!
Popeye: Well, then, by all means, stand there and watch that happen, too!
RMMD: Riley Oates. Goofy-looking (like 2 or 3 old celebrities), goofy-acting, ironically cool name. All in all, a Woody Wilson not-regular character that’s great fun to read.
I’ll miss him.
6C: Cheers!
S-M: Typical.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 16th, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]
@wossname (#13):
Doones – presumably Chester believes the world is going to end on Saturday. And presumably Trudeau doesn’t.
Nah, I think Chester is just being sarcastic. A rapture-ready neighbor would look less deadpan, more glassy-eyed. Think Liza from MW.
wossnameMay 16th, 2011 at 1:51 pm [Reply]
@Mibbitmaker (#132): Maybe we haven’t seen the last of Riley Oates. What if he ended up sharing a cell with Cue?
FREE CUE! FREE CUE!
TaggedMay 16th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]
@wossname (#94): And then the following week will be Ray’s first time home as a civilian rather than a working soldier…just in time for Memorial Day.
Scott BotMay 16th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]
FW – I realize it’s been a while since I was there, but are there actually any studios within sight of the Hollywood sign? Last time I was there, Hollywood reminded me of nothing more than downtown Minneapolis with palm trees.
cheech wizardMay 16th, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]
MT – You don’t trap a man by digging a hole and pushing him in with a stick. That’s how you bait a bear trap.
FW – “Oh, you came up here to talk about a movie? I’d rather discuss that whore you’ve been fucking while I’m dead.”
FC – “PJ’s behavin’ awfully good. Are you going to give him early release for crapping his pants?”
LogopolisMikeMay 16th, 2011 at 1:56 pm [Reply]
FW: “I don’t know…I’ve heard what Hollywood can be like. They might take my touching story about losing the love of my life to cancer and then drag the memory out for endless sequels where I’m continually visited by her ghost whenever I need to make any god damned decision, up to and including me having sex with someone else. And I mean, that would be totally tasteless, right?”
CalicoMay 16th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]
I really wish Jazzman Phil wouldn’t smoke a joint in front of Elly while she’s trying to study.
She never makes an issue out of his smoking whatever-why is she always denying him a cold beer or a glass of wine?
May 16th, 2011 at 2:01 pm [Reply]
I’m twisting my neck trying to make the perspective in Mark Trail work. The only way it does is if those bears are about five stories tall.
commodorejohnMay 16th, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]
Agnes – Phrase to work into conversation: “My eyebrows are chafing.”
A3G – And this is where Doris whips out a machine gun from the bouquet and guns down all who wronged her.
Crankshaft – God help me, I laughed at Crankshaft today.
F- – This looks like it would make a pretty amusing children’s book. Well, unless it’s like Crabby & Nabby by Suzanne Tate and all of a sudden your child is reading softcore crab porn. (I still don’t know whether my aunt and uncle read the book before they gave it to me.)
FW – Grab your airsick bags, everybody.
GT – OH MY GOD YES.
HTH – God help me, I laughed at Hägar the Horrible today.
JP – Criminy, it’s already daylight? They’ve missed the play for sure.
MT – “Mark is pushed into the same pit Andy fell into” is hardly a fair way to phrase it, because it implies both a lack of attentiveness on Andy’s part and a degree of resistance on Mark’s.
Phantom – All of a sudden this is turning into an African version of The Final Sacrifice.
Pluggers – God help me, I smiled at Pluggers today.
SF – CHANGE SALLY’S HAIR BACK.
Edison Lee – Oh, this is still going on? Boy, it’s such a gripping storyline, I’m sure glad we’re in for another week of it.
Effluvius ErratusMay 16th, 2011 at 2:07 pm [Reply]
@Edgy DC (#140):
…those bears are about five stories tall.
Mark found the Beam! Next Stop: The Dark Tower!
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 16th, 2011 at 2:07 pm [Reply]
@wossname (#94): I’ve been amusing myself over the last week or so mentally labeling critters and people as “going to be raptured” or “sticking around” (hint: I’ll see you all here on May 22!) that I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.
@This Guy (#123): And yes, not only will all the fun folks still be here after Saturday, but the dogs will, too!
Little A and his Crystal Ball That Might Finally Be Right Predicts:May 16th, 2011 at 2:08 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#46): That’s not funny. That poor bear landest on its face.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 16th, 2011 at 2:08 pm [Reply]
@This Guy (#123):
Zits: Listen, lady, having an incestuous infatuation with your son is bad enough, but simply assuming he’s taking you to the prom without even asking is just plain rude.
Coincidentally, Dean from Heart of the City actually did ponder asking his mom to the spring dance today. Dean, though, is still in what Freud would deem the latency period.
cheech wizardMay 16th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]
A3G – Yes Doris, there’s still one important thing left to do, but you’re supposed to wait until you get to your hotel room. Not in front of all the guests at the reception.
Ned RyersonMay 16th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#141): Rowsdower!
Scott BotMay 16th, 2011 at 2:12 pm [Reply]
GT – I didn’t know Darryl Hall even had a little brother in the music business. I wonder if John Oates’ little brother is in the band, too.
JP – Shoot, Constance and her amazing breasts are leaving? There went most of my reason for keeping up with this story.
MT – Mark’s statement seems somewhat awkward. I’m fairly certain that if someone pushed me into a large hole in the ground, ‘Hey up there, what’s this about’ isn’t the phrase I would use. I don’t know what that phrase would be, exactly, but I’m pretty sure it would involve a great deal of swearing.
TreadwellMay 16th, 2011 at 2:17 pm [Reply]
MT: Mark does not understand the anger directed at him.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]
The missing third panel from today’s Mark Trail:
http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01052/bear-682_1052603a.jpg
Mark BMay 16th, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]
Was Barney Google ever a different comic than Snuffy Smith? If so, Barney Google and Snuffy Smith is the worst merger ever.
The Spectacular Spider-BrickMay 16th, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]
FW: After days of intense negotiation, Les got to keep the name “Lisa” for the protagonist, but had to concede to the producer’s plans to hire Michael Bay to direct, and have Lisa suffering from exploding cancer.
GF: I’ll let the drunken heckler from Gil Thorp handle this one… “Join the century, will ya?”
thorps. Better ease up, friend — that’s Coach Kaz, who once punched his fist clear through a drunken heckler’s head and into another dimension!
S-M (take 1): “Still dizzy from Ashton Kutcher being named to replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men, Spidey’s concentration fails him…”
S-M (take 2): “HOW DO I SHOT WEB?”
jayjaybearMay 16th, 2011 at 2:21 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#141): ROWSDOWER!
Artist formerly known as BenMay 16th, 2011 at 2:21 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#151): So you haven’t heard the story? Short version: It’s not so much a merger as it is something like when your large intestine grows a rudimentary brain and takes over your whole body.
Thomas B.May 16th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]
That shrub’s attempt at intimcy with Mark resulted in him doing and saying the same thing he does when Cherry tries it.
jayjaybearMay 16th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]
Darn you, Ned Ryerson! *shakes fist*
MaryAnnTheRestMay 16th, 2011 at 2:26 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#148): You know, I’ve spent most of the day trying to come with something intelligent I could say to someone who pushed me into a pit and I’ve got nothing. I’m armed? I’m unarmed? Can we settle this over a game of Monopoly?
AND this is the point in the Mark Trail storyline where I traditionally say, “If Mark carried a cell phone, none of this would be happening.” Although that would be a hell of a call too. “Hi, honey, I’m stuck in a pit. No, not my job, someone pushed me into an actual pit. No, this is not the worst excuse I’ve ever made up.”
Uncle LumpyMay 16th, 2011 at 2:26 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#122):
… you know, if Les didn’t want His Precious made into a movie, couldn’t he just put on his big boy pants and say No?
Before clearing it with Lisa? You jest.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 2:28 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#151):
1932 Barney Google… shortly before Snuffy Smith shows up in BG’s strip:
http://www.lambiek.net/artists/d/debeck_b/debeck_billy_bgoogle_1932.jpg
PoteetMay 16th, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]
@MaryAnnTheRest (#157): HAR!
Effluvius ErratusMay 16th, 2011 at 2:31 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#148):
…‘Hey up there, what’s this about’ isn’t the phrase I would use. I don’t know what that phrase would be, exactly, but I’m pretty sure it would involve a great deal of swearing.
While most any other character in any other strip would have cut loose with some #*@%s and @*#%s, and maybe even a #*%#*@%$$*%* or two, we have to remember that Mark’s idea of dirty words are synonyms “dirt.”
Uncle LumpyMay 16th, 2011 at 2:32 pm [Reply]
@The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#152):
… had to concede to the producer’s plans to hire Michael Bay to direct, and have Lisa suffering from exploding cancer.
Ooh, this one’s got legs:
In the M. Night Shyamalan version of Lisa’s Story, … cancer dies of her!
wossnameMay 16th, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#159): So where does the song “Barney Google (with the goo goo googly eyes)” fit into all of this? Written about the comic strip? Comic strip was a spinoff from the song? (It’s actually a pretty good song in a goofy 1920s way.)
Thomas B.May 16th, 2011 at 2:34 pm [Reply]
Tears. I am in tears from trying not to laugh my butt off in the office’s new cubicle farm.
Uncle LumpyMay 16th, 2011 at 2:34 pm [Reply]
In the Terence Malik version of Lisa’s Story, Lisa dies of Nebraska!
daleMay 16th, 2011 at 2:36 pm [Reply]
The shifting sizes in Mark Trail remind me of having a bunch of mismatched toy soldiers.
How long would it take to dig that hole by hand? A week, if you remember to bring a bucket and a ladder on your first attempt.
Thomas B.May 16th, 2011 at 2:36 pm [Reply]
@ gnome de blog
Comment at 101 had me in tears.
May 16th, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]
MT: But Josh, there is a crazy man living in the woods. Fortunately, right now he’s confined to a pit.
Uncle LumpyMay 16th, 2011 at 2:40 pm [Reply]
In the Pixar® version of Lisa’s Story, Lisa learns the valuable lesson that Death is Life’s best friend, and best friends are special!
Mark BMay 16th, 2011 at 2:41 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#162): In Russia, cancer gets you!
PoteetMay 16th, 2011 at 2:41 pm [Reply]
MT — I find and use large sticks on occasion, and I carry one in my truck so I can move snakes safely off the road without getting really personal with them. And if I wanted to shove someone into a pit in a reliable manner, I wouldn’t use a stick like that. It just seems too iffy. I think I’d lunge right out of the bush, Jesus beard and all, and give a good hard shove with both hands. And then I’d double over and laugh like hell.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 16th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#161): I think that Mark’s anger and general discombobulation are revealed in his use of the casual “HEY” instead of the more formal “Say, fellow.” And note that he’s resorted to a contraction. Were Mark reacting in a more level-headed typically wooden and affectless manner, he would have said something like, “Say, fellow, what is the reason that we are here in this pit?”
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 2:51 pm [Reply]
@wossname (#163):
Wikipedia answers your Barney Google questions (and more):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snuffy_Smith
cheech wizardMay 16th, 2011 at 2:55 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#150): Woah! It’s the Rainbow Bear!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-51eN1MWkY
(Sorry for the crappy quality of the video, but anyone who recalls this 1970s cartoon will appreciate it.)
Pseudo3DMay 16th, 2011 at 2:58 pm [Reply]
@Artist formerly known as Ben (#91): Yup. The mouseover text was supposed to read “apologies to Back to the Future”.
@commodorejohn (#141): Re: SF: YES. A couple of weeks ago, I commented how Sally’s hair looks a bit like Prince Valiant, except with a little nub at top.
MT: He has been seen before, but in my mind, when I try to recall, the “mountain man” Mark Trail has been looking for resembles He-Man.
Little GuyMay 16th, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#2): Wicked sweet story!
Thomas B.May 16th, 2011 at 3:04 pm [Reply]
How about casting Farrah Fawcett in the role of Lisa? She wouldn’t need much make up.
Too soon?
AnonymousMay 16th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]
9CL: “…also, while you’re up there, i’d like it if you’d wriggle.”
yaoi huntress earthMay 16th, 2011 at 3:12 pm [Reply]
FW: I want to see Rob Zombie direct it just for the LOLz.
pugfugglyMay 16th, 2011 at 3:13 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#165): Ooo! I like games like this….
In the Quentin Tarantino version of Lisa’s Story, Lisa dies at the hands of a foul-mouthed, 1970s martial arts expert, codename: cancer.
In the Michael Moore version of Lisa’s Story, Lisa dies of cancer because of, like, Corporate America, man…..
In the David Cronenberg version of Lisa’s Story, there is no Lisa, and no cancer. This confuses casual moviegoers…
The Terry Gilliam version of Lisa’s Story will never make its way to theaters, as partway through production everyone on set will ironically develop cancerous tumors, halting production.
Jamus The BartenderMay 16th, 2011 at 3:13 pm [Reply]
Hm…yeah, 178 was me.
Batman BeatlesMay 16th, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]
In Spielberg’s version, ET cures Lisa’s cancer and they both leave in his spaceship.
Baka GaijinMay 16th, 2011 at 3:18 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#171): The barky stick was effective because Mark has tiny Barbie-doll feet. How he can stand on those things without toppling over in the breeze is anyone’s guess.
@Pseudo3D (#175): I just noticed Sally’s new do, the “Hair Hump.” I hope those aren’t spider eggs inside that nub.
@Batman Beatles (#182): Is this before or after the cops’ guns are changed into walkie-talkies or bottles of interferon?
commodorejohnMay 16th, 2011 at 3:20 pm [Reply]
In the Coleman Francis version of Lisa’s Story, the movie is actually about a group of shabby, unlikeable, self-centered middle-aged men who watch her die of cancer and then set about trying to exploit her tragedy for their own benefit, everything and everyone is bleak and depressing, and the viewer wants all of them to die. OH WAIT.
Little GuyMay 16th, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#162):
In the M. Night Shyamalan version of Lisa’s Story, … cancer dies of her!
That’s also the Yakov Smirnoff version.
In the JJ Abrams version of Lisa’s Story, … they all had cancer all this time.
In the Alan Ball version of Lisa’s Story, … Lisa still has cancer, but she has an annoying on/off love/hate relationship with Les.
In the David Milch version of Lisa’s Story, … Lisa has f*cking cancer. The movie ends prematurely when Milch wants to write about a pretentious three-generation family who think they’re Goddess.
In the Shondra Rhimes version of Lisa’s Story, … Lisa has dark and twisty cancer.
In the Michael Hirst version of Lisa’s Story, … Lisa is actually two separate people and one dies the sweating sickness.
In the David Chase version of Lisa’s Story, … Lisa died of
The Spectacular Spider-BrickMay 16th, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]
In the M. Night Shyamalamadingdong version of “Lisa’s Story,” Lisa was dead all along.
Mark BMay 16th, 2011 at 3:24 pm [Reply]
In the JJ Abrams version, Lisa’s cancer is retconned to a bad hangnail and Les drives a Corvette off a cliff.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 3:25 pm [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#174):
Not my cup of tea… although it’s interesting to note that one of the animators — Bill Melendez* — was responsible for the classic Peanuts TV specials.
*Also worth noting: Melendez provided the voices of Snoopy and Woodstock in his Peanuts cartoons.
Little GuyMay 16th, 2011 at 3:25 pm [Reply]
In the Ed Wood version of Lisa’s Story, Lisa’s cancer treatment consists of Les wearing very tight angora sweaters. John Darling is played by Bela Lugosi.
In the Fank Capra version of Lisa’s Story, Lisa still dies, but Les helps her get her wings, thanks to a rousing filibuster in the Senate.
Thomas B.May 16th, 2011 at 3:26 pm [Reply]
The Spike Lee version of the film won’t get an Oscar nod.
Woody Allen will cast himself as Les and Miley Cyrus as Lisa.
Mel Gibson will blame the cancer on Jews.
The Russ Meyer version might get around to talking about cancer after an 1:20 focused on breasts.
Little GuyMay 16th, 2011 at 3:26 pm [Reply]
Frank Capra….
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 16th, 2011 at 3:29 pm [Reply]
In the Lucas version, Les died first.
Mark BMay 16th, 2011 at 3:30 pm [Reply]
In the George Lucas version, Lisa’s cancer metastasizes into a planet sized tumor which shoots a death ray, but Les is able to stop it using nothing but the smirking force and his 1967 VW beetle.
Mark BMay 16th, 2011 at 3:32 pm [Reply]
In the David Lynch version, Lisa’s cancer is sentient, and the main character of the movie.
This GuyMay 16th, 2011 at 3:32 pm [Reply]
In the Kevin Smith version of Lisa’s Story, Lisa and the cancer have long, digressive, profane conversations until it kills her in the final shot.
In the J.J. Abrams version of Lisa’s Story, Lisa discovers an ancient conspiracy that has given cancer to selected people throughout history.
In the Tommy Wiseau version of Lisa’s Story, the cancer says “I’m TEARING you APART, Lisa!”
In the Ed Wood version of Lisa’s Story, the cancer is represented by a series of found-object props that change from scene to scene.
In the Hideaki Anno version of Lisa’s Story, cancer kills EVERYONE while Lisa engages in an internal dialogue about her father issues.
cheech wizardMay 16th, 2011 at 3:35 pm [Reply]
FW – Previews with test audiences found they would prefer that Lisa didn’t die at all. Also, they found cancer stories terribly depressing, so that was changed to bad allergies she suffers every spring. They also thought her husband was a complete asshole, not to mention a moody bastard, so he got written right out of the script and replaced with Judge Reinhold. The lawyers are now working on trying to write him out of the contract as well.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 16th, 2011 at 3:38 pm [Reply]
In the Miyazaki version, Westview looks much more beautiful and hilly Summer is somewhat younger, and completely adorable, and Lisa dies being able to see the gorgeous, hand painted leaves.
Effluvius ErratusMay 16th, 2011 at 3:41 pm [Reply]
The Children’s Television Workshop’s Lisa’s Story is brought to you by the number zero and the Big C.
In Piggy’s Story, Miss Piggy karate chops her cancer into remission.
In Ingmar Bergman’s The Seventh Tumor, Lisa plays a game of chess against Cancer and wins, leaving her paralyzed with angst and nausea as she realizes that having won life, she now must live it.
cheech wizardMay 16th, 2011 at 3:43 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#188): The crappy reproduction doesn’t help. That was one of a number of cartoons that was run on a Canadian TV show called the International Festival of Animation back in the 1970s. Each week they would run about a half-hour of artsy-type animations from varying sources. It’s too bad the series – I think it ran for two years – doesn’t seem to be available on DVD, because they had some really interesting stuff.
Batman BeatlesMay 16th, 2011 at 3:43 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#194):
It also talks backwards.
Little GuyMay 16th, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]
In the Tyler Perry version of Lisa’s Story, the cancer plays all the parts.
In the Mel Gibson version of Lisa’s Story, Lisa suffers in agonizing graphic detail during the two and a half hour movie, save for the last 10 seconds.
In the Mike Nichols version of Lisa’s Story — oh wait…
Batman BeatlesMay 16th, 2011 at 3:45 pm [Reply]
I think whoever directed Akira should make the cancer mutate and destroy Les as he gets near it.
vanyaMay 16th, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]
In the Joss Whedon version … Every Joss Whedon story centers around tragic relationships between characters we care about deeply. Joss realizes there is no way to make these characters compelling and passes.
Effluvius ErratusMay 16th, 2011 at 3:51 pm [Reply]
@vanya (#203): And I was so looking forward to Les the Cancer Girl Layer!
Little GuyMay 16th, 2011 at 3:51 pm [Reply]
In the Chris Carter version of Lisa’s Story, Les and Cayla uncover a vast conspiracy masterminded by the Cigarette Smoking Cancer, who develops humanity from his habit.
DoodMay 16th, 2011 at 3:51 pm [Reply]
In the Kurosawa version of Lisa’s Story a group of out-of-work Samurai warriors protect a rag-tag village from…Oh, forget it.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 16th, 2011 at 3:54 pm [Reply]
@Dood (#206): Toshiro Mifune as Crazy Harry!
DoodMay 16th, 2011 at 3:57 pm [Reply]
In the Orson Welles version of Lisa’s Story, the film begins with black-and-white newsreel footage of Lisa’s life. Oh, who am I kidding?
DoodMay 16th, 2011 at 4:00 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#184): You know, if any author deserved the directorial talent of Coleman Francis, Les is the one. Coming soon: Red Zone Lisa or The Night Trip to Westview.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 16th, 2011 at 4:01 pm [Reply]
In the Christopher Nolan version of Lisa’s Story, Lisa undergoes chemotherapy and her cancer goes into remission. Then Les and the doctors look up at the sickly yellow sky and realize they’re all inside another tumor.
Well, it is a better explanation than the original.
Batman BeatlesMay 16th, 2011 at 4:04 pm [Reply]
In Tommy Wiseau’s version, Les will make love to Lisa’s belly button.
DoodMay 16th, 2011 at 4:07 pm [Reply]
In the John Ford version of Lisa’s Story, her courageous battle with cancer is gorgeous framed against a spectacular western backdrop.
DoodMay 16th, 2011 at 4:09 pm [Reply]
In the film-noir version of Lisa’s Story, the title character is played by Barbara Stanwyck, who dupes a man into murdering Les.
Batman BeatlesMay 16th, 2011 at 4:14 pm [Reply]
In Alfred Hitchcock’s version, Lisa is really a mummified corpse.
PDMay 16th, 2011 at 4:14 pm [Reply]
Phantom: “Now that I’ve got the kidnapped college kid, I can finally get ghostwhowalks.com converted from Flash to HTML5.”
ArchieNemesisMay 16th, 2011 at 4:18 pm [Reply]
@Hibbleton (#14): Thanks for clearing up the cause of the smoke cloud behind Drew’s car.
I was confused, thinking he was still burning rubber, well past the city limits. Now, I can clearly picture him, foot to the floor, gunning the car so hard the gasket blows.
And, as the fuel mixes with water, the white smoke billows out the tailpipe.
Drew’s aging Dodge Shadow starts to sputter, and struggles to pass the Yugo on the right.
Yet Drew’s frantic flooring continues, and he never relents with his forward-leaning deathgrip. There are only a few times in a man’s life when he leaves town like that.
DoodMay 16th, 2011 at 4:20 pm [Reply]
In the Carmen Miranda version of Lisa’s Story, Lisa bravely battles cancer while wearing a fruit-laden chapeau.
Jesse RMay 16th, 2011 at 4:22 pm [Reply]
Here I was thinking that it would be the large, rustic, and breaded, cohabitating men that would capture Mark Trail, but, no, the culprits were literal bears.
DoodMay 16th, 2011 at 4:22 pm [Reply]
In the Abbott and Costello version of Lisa’s Story, the comedy duo hilariously debates who has cancer.
Baka GaijinMay 16th, 2011 at 4:26 pm [Reply]
@Jesse R (#218): “Breaded cohabitating men?” Corn meal or flour?
@Dood (#219): “Cancer’s on first?” “Second base!”
Dr. MoreauMay 16th, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]
MT: “Hey, up there, what’s this about?” is the closest Mark Trail has ever come to an existential crisis. “Hey up there” is obviously his means of addressing his Creator (being a dick, he’s not about to give his Lord and Master the satisfaction of calling him by name). Which makes the question that follows Mark’s way of asking “Why have you forsaken me … by placing me in a situation I can’t punch my way out of?” Yes, that MUST be it, since the literal interpretation–”Hey, whoever pushed me into this pit! What’s the big idea? Are you a facial-haired evildoer of some sort?”–is too sad to contemplate, even for Mark.
Uncle LumpyMay 16th, 2011 at 4:33 pm [Reply]
“The cancer is coming from inside the house!
MaryAnnTheRestMay 16th, 2011 at 4:37 pm [Reply]
In the Cecil DeMille version, the cancer cells are represented by an army of 30,000 men with elephants. Lisa rallies briefly in the chariot scene before dying under the pyramids.
TheDivaMay 16th, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]
@vanya (#203): Or Joss looks at the abrupt and completely senseless way in which the title character gets offed, and says, “Naaah, even for me that’s way too sadistic.”
Too bad, because Nathan Fillion would have made a perfect smug-bastard Les.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 16th, 2011 at 4:41 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#220): “Who has cancer?” “Yes”
cheech wizardMay 16th, 2011 at 4:48 pm [Reply]
FW – The version starring Christopher Plummer and Julie Andrews opens with Julie twirling around in a northern Ohio meadow, spreading her arms and singing The Plains Are Alive with the Curse of Cancer. Other songs include:
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Sarcoma?
I Have Metastic Lumps!
Doc Ray’d Me
The Mopey Goatturd
Third-Stage, Going on Fourth Stage
Try Ev’ry Therapy
So Long, Farewell
(Cancer and Death are) My Favorite Things!*
*author solo while credits role
cheech wizardMay 16th, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#226): agh! That’s supposed to be “while credits roll.”
gnome de blogMay 16th, 2011 at 4:52 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#99) said:
Mark Trail: Look! Mark toppled into the pit due to his unusually tiny Barbie-doll feet. Look at ‘em.
Does this mean Mark Trail is really…Ted Forth?
Mysterious shirtless lawyerMay 16th, 2011 at 4:53 pm [Reply]
“Hey, up there, what’s this about?”
“Your ass is fucked, white boy, that’s what this is about.”
pugfugglyMay 16th, 2011 at 5:03 pm [Reply]
In the Mike Myers version of Lisa’s Story, the tumor has a thick scottish accents and farts a lot.
In the Martin Scorcese version of Lisa’s Story, the part of Lisa will be played by Robert De Niro.
Effluvius ErratusMay 16th, 2011 at 5:04 pm [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#226):
Metastasized tumors snug in your liver,
Squamous-cell’d goosebumps inducing malignant shivers,
Tooth-filled teratomas with hair curling in strings…
Cancer and death are my favorite things!
May 16th, 2011 at 5:07 pm [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#226): Ah ha ha ha! Do Lisa and her family attempt to escape the cancer south through Illinois? [*]
@gnome de blog (#228): Ted Forth? I didn’t notice Mark suffering from FWS (Fragile Wrist Syndrome).
PoteetMay 16th, 2011 at 5:08 pm [Reply]
MT — Mark might get a better response if he followed those initial three words with something a little more musical…
Hey, up there…Way up there…Whaddaya say, up there?…
Waiting around for the girls upstairs:
After the curtain came down.
Money in my pocket to spend
“Honey, could you maybe get a friend for my friend”…
May 16th, 2011 at 5:19 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#70): “Rhubarb” is based on either a book H. Allen Smith wrote, or it’s based on a movie made from a book H. Allen Smith wrote. I’d love to see that comic. Smith later wrote two sequels to the book, because why not?
@teenchy (#72): One of the many names that show up (en masse) at the end of each Beany and Cecil show was someone my mom used to know. Alas, I don’t know which of those names it was, but she pointed it out to me, back when I was in first or second grade. (I can’t ask her now.)
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#75): I’d love to see either one.
VioletMay 16th, 2011 at 5:21 pm [Reply]
Marvin: Are we expected to draw from this the wildly improbable conclusion that there are days when Jenny doesn’t wonder why she became a mother? I, for one, categorically refuse.
Old School Allie CatMay 16th, 2011 at 5:28 pm [Reply]
In the Christopher Guest version of Lisa’s Story, Cancer is played by Fred Willard, and it steals every scene it’s in. Also, in this version, Cancer goes to 11.
Jamus The BartenderMay 16th, 2011 at 5:36 pm [Reply]
@wossname (#13): THIS Saturday? What the heck’s happening then?
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 5:40 pm [Reply]
The Stanley Kramer comedic version of Lisa’s Story — It’s Cancer Cancer Cancer Cancer — features Spencer Tracy, Milton Berle, Sid Caesar, Buddy Hackett, Ethel Merman, Mickey Rooney, Dick Shawn, Phil Silvers, Terry-Thomas, Jonathan Winters, Edie Adams, Dorothy Provine, Eddie ‘Rochester’ Anderson, Jim Backus and Ben Blue as the compassionate and caring (but wacky!) staff of the cancer ward at Westview Memorial Hospital. An elderly philanthropist (cameo by Jimmy Durante) offers to leave his entire fortune to the first doctor who can successfully treat all four cancers in his longtime paramour, Lisa (played by Mrs. Calabash).
HibbletonMay 16th, 2011 at 5:49 pm [Reply]
@ArchieNemesis (#216):
” . . . struggles to pass the Yugo on the right”
That is the cherry on top!
Effluvius ErratusMay 16th, 2011 at 5:56 pm [Reply]
And this year’s Academy Award for Best Screenplay goes to…
Robert D. Siegel for The Cancer, the uplifting story of a malignant tumor (Mickey Rourke) given a second chance at death thanks to an incompetent doctor and his defeatist patient.
zerowolfMay 16th, 2011 at 6:08 pm [Reply]
MT: I’d say it’s about time for dinner for two.
SedMay 16th, 2011 at 6:13 pm [Reply]
GT – If today’s trip is any indication, Gil Thorp is about to become Road House: The Comic Strip. I, for one, fully support this change in direction. Hell, Coach Kaz even has the Swayze-esque mullet and physique necessary for the job – now, if we can get Ben Gazzara to play the evil jerk on the Board of Ed storyline that appears to be headed nowhere fast, we’ll be all set!
cheech wizardMay 16th, 2011 at 6:14 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#238): I thought that one was It’s a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Cancer? And don’t forget the cameos by Jerry Lewis, the Three Stooges, Jack Benny, Carl Reiner, Stan Freberg, Don Knotts, and Buster Keaton.
zerowolfMay 16th, 2011 at 6:14 pm [Reply]
FW: Actually, I can picture it. How’s this for a concept, a movie called “Lisa’s Story” except no one in the movie is called Lisa. How’s that for a plot twist? The whole cancer thing is kinda depressing, but get this, lesbian zombies!
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 6:25 pm [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#243):
You’re probably thinking of Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Cancer —
a wholly different (and inferior) film!
May 16th, 2011 at 6:28 pm [Reply]
@yaoi huntress earth (#179): give it to Michael Bay. Instead of that slow, quiet death, he’d blow Lisa up real good!
Alfred E. NeumanMay 16th, 2011 at 6:30 pm [Reply]
FW— The first line in Lisa’s Story, The Movie: “What can you say about a thirty-five-year-old girl who died, but who really didn’t die, because she warns her husband to stay off of defective airplanes, and enjoys watching him make out with with other women?”
*cough*
May 16th, 2011 at 6:35 pm [Reply]
In the Kenneth Branagh version, everyone speaks in iambic pentameter. Even Masky McDeath. And whoever he’s dating/married to/sleeping with is cast as Lisa.
gnome de blogMay 16th, 2011 at 6:55 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#232):
Tiny feet = tiny hands.
May 16th, 2011 at 7:03 pm [Reply]
Also:
JUGHEAD HAS HIS REAL HAT BACK!!!
May 16th, 2011 at 7:03 pm [Reply]
@Jamus The Bartender (#237): Uhhhh… you do know the world is ending on Saturday, right? Or actually, to be more precise, Saturday is the Rapture when all the good people fly away, leaving the rest of us looking perplexed. The actual end of the world is in October. At least, that’s what it says on the internets.
Scott BotMay 16th, 2011 at 7:10 pm [Reply]
In the Oliver Stone version, Lisa’s cancer was caused by a conspiracy involving the military/industrial complex, the CIA, Fidel Castro and Lyndon Johnson. Kevin Costner will play Les.
Uncle LumpyMay 16th, 2011 at 7:10 pm [Reply]
I dread the TV spinoffs:
NCLISA — Male nurse slaps cancer patients on their heads, which fall off.
Glee-sa! — Bald kids in wheelchairs singing dirges.
CLISA: Miami — Sunglasses. Also, “You might say this one died — of cancer!”
cheech wizardMay 16th, 2011 at 7:12 pm [Reply]
In The Neverending Lisa’s Story, a moody, depressed writer holes up in his attic to work on a manuscript about his wife’s death. He’s amazed to discover that the characters actually seem to be talking to him and that his thoughts shape the direction of the story’s events, which isn’t too surprising, since he is the author, after all, and he’s stopped taking his medication. Soon, however, he discovers that a looming darkness threatens to overwhelm the entire story unless he can dig deep within himself to find the strength to resist it. But he just figures melancholy is a sign of genius, and The Nothing consumes all.
Whistling, he descends the attic stairs and walks out the front door into the sunshine, whereupon he’s immediately devoured by a giant flying dog, because his readers all got one wish and that’s what they wanted.
Mark BMay 16th, 2011 at 7:13 pm [Reply]
Then there’s the Morgan Spurlock version, “Metastasize Me”, where he injects himself with cancer, and goes through chemotherapy, only to stop halfway through because his costar Les Moore is so damn annoying, he’d rather be dead.
Pseudo3DMay 16th, 2011 at 7:14 pm [Reply]
The George Lucas version of Lisa’s Story is full of CGI, annoying characters, and predictable writing.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 7:15 pm [Reply]
@wossname (#251): And I plan to be here snarking to the very end!
The RidgerMay 16th, 2011 at 7:26 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#136): I don’t think it matters how realistic that panel is, because it’s just Les’s morbid imagination. What will happen is that he’ll get talked into it and discover that everyone on the movie caters to his every little demand but then the movie tanks, and he finds out it was a tax-loss movie for some rich producer. Oh, wait, no. He finds that out, but it goes on to TRIUMPH! It’ll be just like The Producers except with Les instead of Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder and you know, not funny.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 16th, 2011 at 7:27 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#253): But Arrested Metastasis redeems it with a dysfunctional family who snark their way through chemo and hospice, with a death scene featuring an incompetent magician on a Segway.
KarMannMay 16th, 2011 at 7:30 pm [Reply]
@Calico (#87) & @Rocky Stoneaxe (#118): The residents of Hootin’ Holler don’t believe in embalming, because they don’t see how taking off the hides they wear can be formal.
Esther BlodgettMay 16th, 2011 at 7:31 pm [Reply]
In the Tim Burton version, Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter will play Les and Lisa as a pair of sweet, quirky doomed lovers and oh my God I can actually sort of picture that so never mind.
LiamMay 16th, 2011 at 7:46 pm [Reply]
MT-The indignities will continue for Mark when the bears decide to use the hole for their bathroom.
MW-Watch out Drew, Liza’s cut your brake lines.
nescioMay 16th, 2011 at 7:56 pm [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#259): And Les is upset because he wanted it to be called Unarrested Metastasis.
Jamus The BartenderMay 16th, 2011 at 8:15 pm [Reply]
@wossname (#251): Well, shit, I ain’t goin’ in to work then.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 16th, 2011 at 8:22 pm [Reply]
@Jamus The Bartender (#264): Uh, Jamus, hate to tell you, but I don’t think you’ll be going along for the ride. . . . (Expecting I won’t be either, by the way.)
RufusMay 16th, 2011 at 8:31 pm [Reply]
In the Stanley Kubrick version of Lisa’s Story, (officially known as A Clockwork Cancer and finally released in Britain after years of censorship debate), Lisa volunteers for an experimental unorthodox chemotherapy trial to eradicate her cancerous growth. At the end, she announces to the world “I was cured, alright.”
kkarenbMay 16th, 2011 at 8:35 pm [Reply]
Rex Morgan – So now the police have caught Riley in the act of burglarizing Rex’s office with the lottery ticket in his possession. That makes it EVIDENCE, so the cops will have to hold it until after the trial, and Berna will not be able to cash it. At the rate this story is unfolding, the ticket will have expired by the time the trial ends.
PoteetMay 16th, 2011 at 8:36 pm [Reply]
@Jamus The Bartender (#264): Staying home might be a good idea, because it’s my understanding that people will be Raptured from wherever they happen to be at the time, which could be awkward if one is driving along and happens to be near their vehicles when they suddenly disappear. I hope bosses all over America will understand the importance of staying home and safe on Saturday, except there probably is no way of guaranteeing one won’t be killed by falling airplanes or helicopters.
The McKMay 16th, 2011 at 8:37 pm [Reply]
Am I a bad person for assuming that Elviny is sizing up the cousin’s corpse for some kind of monstrous necro-incest? (I guess they could be unrelated, but come on, Hootin’ Holler). Pretty much the sole small mercy is that this monstrous coupling will not add to the genetically blighted population of the Holler. We pray.
Oh for a speech bubble shouting “It’s about twenty feet deep! Suck it, Trail!”
greghousesgfMay 16th, 2011 at 8:40 pm [Reply]
In the John Waters version, Divine ate the tumor.
Ukulele IkeMay 16th, 2011 at 8:49 pm [Reply]
FW: “We love the book….” Well, that’s a bit of wishful thinking.
RMMD: Perhaps Riley Oates is a distant relative of Captain Edward Grace “Titus” Oates, who famously crawled out into a 1912 Antarctic blizzard to die and thus save the lives of famous asshole/failed explorer Robert Falcon Scott and the other members of the British Race-to-the-South Pole party who famously lost to the Norwegian Roald Amundsen. Who then all famously died anyway, ha ha, Captain Oates.
Mr. O'MalleyMay 16th, 2011 at 8:57 pm [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#199): I remember that show on PBS (was it called PBS back then?). The Yugoslavs in particular had a lot of interesting films.
I bet you could find a lot of them on YouTube, if you could remember what they were. I just noticed there is a lot of Osamu Tezuka there, links found at http://www.metafilter.com/103479/Short-films-by-Osamu-Tezuka.
Vince MMay 16th, 2011 at 9:13 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#184): FW could benefit greatly by the cast being shot at from grim-faced men in light planes.
cheech wizardMay 16th, 2011 at 9:13 pm [Reply]
@Mr. O’Malley (#272): I’ve been able to find a few of them, but there are tons of others whose names I can’t recall or have simply forgotten. A few of the better ones are on a collection Leonard Maltin put together some time back titled “Animation Favorites from the National Film Board of Canada,” including “The Cat Came Back,” “The Log Driver’s Waltz” and the sublime “The Sweater.”
Thanks for the Tezuka link – I’ll keep looking for others.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 9:21 pm [Reply]
@Ukulele Ike (#271):
Or perhaps Riley Oates is related to character actor Warren Oates:
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_y1USaJemzSs/TMdQejO-WXI/AAAAAAAAFNY/VVAa-4Z0hd8/s1600/dixie_dynamite_poster_01.jpg
Vince MMay 16th, 2011 at 9:29 pm [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#274): A couple of my favorites were both Canadian – “The Family that Dwelt Apart” and “Hot Stuff”, a fire prevention film.
They also played a number of old Walter Lantz cartoons, including some racially-themed boogie-woogie numbers that I know will never be on tv again; most definitely not on PBS.
May 16th, 2011 at 9:32 pm [Reply]
BBSS: The blue-haired lady has a knowing look on her face. Almost as if she killed Cuzzin Travis to see him clean…
Rocky StoneaxeMay 16th, 2011 at 9:50 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#275):
Neither Oates should be confused with R.B. Fuller’s Oaky Doaks:
http://pediaview.com/openpedia/Oaky_Doaks
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 16th, 2011 at 10:00 pm [Reply]
@wossname (#251): Uhhhh… you do know the world is ending on Saturday, right? Or actually, to be more precise, Saturday is the Rapture when all the good people fly away, leaving the rest of us looking perplexed. The actual end of the world is in October. At least, that’s what it says on the internets.
The real Rapture happened years ago, and they only took Jimmy Hoffa.
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#278): Back in the days when I could go down to the library and read newspapers on microfilm, I read months and months of comics at a stretch. Oaky Doaks was one of the strips I focused on. Great days.
Maggie the CatMay 16th, 2011 at 10:03 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#279):
The Rapture is Saturday??? Crap… I’ve got some loose ends to tie up around here. And why did I bother planting those flowers yesterday??
Peanut GalleryMay 16th, 2011 at 10:16 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#40):
Re Snuffy: I’m reminded of H. Allen Smith’s account of his youthful discomfort watching the town undertaker curse a ‘client’ for not keeping his feet clean.
Wow, I just read that part of Low Man on a Totem Pole a few days ago, and when I saw today’s Snuffy Smith, I thought, “where did I see something else like this recently?” Thanks for explaining it.
[Old Man] Muffaroo sees all, knows all!
LiamMay 16th, 2011 at 10:28 pm [Reply]
The Quentin Tarantino version of Lisa’s Story will have Lisa going a revenge killing of the doctors after finding out that they misdiagnosed her cancer as being curable.
Bill ThompsonMay 16th, 2011 at 10:31 pm [Reply]
In the Steve McQueen version of Lisa’s Story, McQueen plays Les and the cancer is played by a blob of strawberry jello that grows and grow until it covers Westview in utter misery. After seeing the first day’s rushes, the director recasts McQueen as the charismatic cancer that destroys Westview. The blob will now play Les.
ElkMeadowMay 16th, 2011 at 10:34 pm [Reply]
So (except for Osama) what’s with all the deaths? MW had Lonnie, or whatever the dad’s name was, Lisa…um, the Doonesbury ones were a decade or so ago (in real time, no jumping)… Farley (I count him, as he was dragged back for a second go-around at dying), Dick Tracy, well, that’s a given. This is the first death I remember seeing in Snuffy Smith, and I’ve been around for a while.
PoteetMay 16th, 2011 at 11:15 pm [Reply]
In the David O. Selznick version of LISA’S STORY, Lisa throws up after a chemo treatment and then declares that as God is her witness, she’ll never get cancer again.
PoteetMay 16th, 2011 at 11:17 pm [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (#280): Some of us will still be here after Saturday, and we’ll enjoy the flowers for a few more months until The End. You might want to make arrangements for someone to water them, however.
Maggie the CatMay 16th, 2011 at 11:19 pm [Reply]
@Poteet (#286):
Sheesh, there’s nothing like last minute plans! LOL… nah, I expect I’ll be here tending the garden for a good while. Until October at least.
giraffe-oMay 16th, 2011 at 11:51 pm [Reply]
Best Mark Trail 2-panel in years!
KarMannMay 17th, 2011 at 12:11 am [Reply]
5/17 Crankshaft: OK, would everyone surprised that Batiuk Did Not Do The Research, please raise your hand?
During the summer (after the spring equinox & after the autumnal, to be precise), the daylight hours are longer as you go farther from the equator, towards the pole. So no, Pam, that isn’t really the problem at all.
May 17th, 2011 at 12:12 am [Reply]
@The McK (#269): I’m good with that.
bats :[May 17th, 2011 at 12:15 am [Reply]
The David Lean version is filmed in 70 mm with gorgeous, breath-taking vistas. Of course, this requires the story NOT to be set in Westview.
Maggie the CatMay 17th, 2011 at 12:18 am [Reply]
Tuesday’s RMMD- It seems Berna is moonlighting as Stella the cleaning lady. Berna, you WON THE LOTTERY. Take the kerchief off your head and cash that bitch in before it biodegrades already.
KarMannMay 17th, 2011 at 12:18 am [Reply]
@bats :[ (#290): Thank you, thank you, thank you, for taking up the MT part of McK’s comment, and not the necro-incest part, for your latest mash-up marvel.
Uncle LumpyMay 17th, 2011 at 12:20 am [Reply]
@bats :[ (#291):
The David Lean version is filmed in 70 mm with gorgeous, breath-taking vistas.
Also, there is a hero.
Maggie the CatMay 17th, 2011 at 12:22 am [Reply]
Tuesday MW- Okay, it’s finally happening. Lookout for Wednesday’s MW when Liza does the bunny boiling thing.
bats :[May 17th, 2011 at 12:31 am [Reply]
5/17
MW: and okay…what the deuce is going on in the background? Is “Le Cure,” the latest Cirque du Soleil show, in town?
A3G: you know, at most receptions I’ve attended, the unmarried wimmin are gathered together for the bouquet toss. What’s your excuse, Paul?
EC: I’m sure I’ll be Raptured…I’ve suffered so much reading this piece of crap for months now, praying that it will improve.
MT: how very incisive, Mark! Then again, even a blind pig will find an occasional acorn.
JP: I am so, so tired of this plot (if it doesn’t move, does it still qualify as a plot?). Emma…sweetie…shit or get off the pot (or jump off the building…at this point I just don’t care).
ElkMeadowMay 17th, 2011 at 12:38 am [Reply]
RMMDMaybe Stella would like to be Riley’s personal parole officer? She can keep him in line…. Hey, that briefcase is evidence. Nothing is going to be removed from it until it’s trial time. Including any lottery tickets, which Riley already stashed in his shoe, and will leave someplace where Holly can find it.
MW Run, Drew, run! and if you do, I promise not to say anything about the limp wristed, pinched finger way you are using that tiny clip board.
ElkMeadowMay 17th, 2011 at 12:39 am [Reply]
MW One more thing–why are the hospital walls barf colored?
Red GreenbackMay 17th, 2011 at 12:44 am [Reply]
5/16 MT panel2: “I SMELL BOOZE!…AND BREAKFAST!!”
Uncle LumpyMay 17th, 2011 at 12:47 am [Reply]
@Red Greenback (#299):
… BOOZE!…AND BREAKFAST!!
Ah, another of those “false choices” I’ve heard so much about!
Maggie the CatMay 17th, 2011 at 12:51 am [Reply]
Liza is even more creepy than normal b/c she’s staring at me as I read the strip. Way to use art to add to the literary mood, Giella!
Uncle LumpyMay 17th, 2011 at 1:07 am [Reply]
OK, I’m pretty sure that the hairpiece on the left is “The Shatner” and that, consequently, The Lockhorns is now my favorite comic. So I guess it’s entirely just that I’ll be Left Behind on Saturday.
Dobe GMay 17th, 2011 at 1:08 am [Reply]
Dickweed Lane: Even as he is supposedly apologizing for treating Fernanda like crap after he screwed her, Seth arrogantly barks out commands. Christ, what an asshole. Although “firm” is nearly Beavis and Butthead level humor.
Dobe GMay 17th, 2011 at 1:20 am [Reply]
Snuffy Smith: An unexpected tribute to 80s cocaine-fueled band Missing Persons.
PoteetMay 17th, 2011 at 1:22 am [Reply]
5/17 MW — In the first panel, Drew looks like one of the dead band members in THE SHINING and Liza looks like the corpse in the bathtub. And the background has all the charm and intimacy of The Overlook kitchen. I really, really wish I’d waited until morning to look at this.
Dr. WeirdMay 17th, 2011 at 1:28 am [Reply]
FW
OK, now I get it… Les had a psychotic break. The phonecall from his agent was entirely in his head… what else could explain a conversation with his corporeal late wife? Perhaps the guilt of “cheating” on her by sleeping with another woman caused it. He’s actually curled up on the kitchen floor, twitching madly. Summer will walk over him and accidentally crush his skull with the tip of her crutch.
tubbytoastMay 17th, 2011 at 1:28 am [Reply]
@Bill Thompson (#54): Sassy?
Dr. WeirdMay 17th, 2011 at 1:32 am [Reply]
MW
Wait, wait… isn’t the bouquet tossed at the WOMEN attending the wedding, with a garter belt from the bride tossed at the men afterwards? Does the fact that Paul caught it mean Lu Ann is in for a surprise when Paul reveals “his” cross-dressing habit to her? Would Lu Ann even understand what she’s seeing in that case?
Bill ThompsonMay 17th, 2011 at 1:56 am [Reply]
@tubbytoast (#307): Hmm . . . interesting point, but logically, Sassy is young and still learning about life. Mark Trail has yet to show an ability to learn.
Bill ThompsonMay 17th, 2011 at 2:09 am [Reply]
The Amusing Spiderman: Martine! Grab a leg and make a wish!
FW: The real question is, how important is it that Les dies? That one answers itself.
Jason1981May 17th, 2011 at 2:15 am [Reply]
In Saban’s new series “Power Rangers Tumor Force”, Lisa dies then becomes the Red Ranger’s newest weaopn: the Crappy Author Assholizer” allowing him to pilot the Perv-ghost Zord
IanMay 17th, 2011 at 3:21 am [Reply]
From the look on Elviney’s face in panel two, I can’t help but think Cuzzin Travis was so offensively filthy she was induced to murder him.
Mr. O'MalleyMay 17th, 2011 at 3:57 am [Reply]
Doonesbury: I wonder if Trudeau has supplied the syndicate with two different sets of strips starting Saturday?
There’s one of those billboards on my way to work this week (in Spanish, no less). I wonder how long they paid to have it up? Too bad they’re not more specific about the time. It would be a great photo to catch some of those heaven-bound bodies right in front of the billboard. Or conversely, to catch them when the Rapture ad is partially replaced by the next one—at that location, typically promoting tequila or some other alcoholic beverage.
Within a half block of that billboard are the first bar to reopen locally after the repeal of Prohibition in 1933 (I think about 5 seconds after the repeal), not greatly changed since, and our top New Orleans-themed restaurant and blues club. I doubt if either place will have to worry about departing patrons punching a hole in the roof on their way up and out.
There is also a church not much further along, but the Family Radio people think all other churches are tools of Satan, so you might as well cruise into the bar for a po’boy and a cold one and some funky blues while you’re waiting for the excitement to begin.
Mr. O\'MalleyMay 17th, 2011 at 4:48 am [Reply]
Speaking of Mark Trail, Marlin Perkins is now available on YouTube: http://www.metafilter.com/103558/Mutual-of-Omahas-Wild-Kingdom-on-YouTube.
Oh I wish I could clone myself.
KarMannMay 17th, 2011 at 5:14 am [Reply]
rMC: That’s quite the lampshade in today’s strip!
SideshowJonMay 17th, 2011 at 5:42 am [Reply]
Oh no! Someone discovered Mark Trail’s only weakness: Nudging him into a hole with a stick!
John C FremontMay 17th, 2011 at 6:08 am [Reply]
Lio made me giggle today. Hi & Lois probably got what they deserved.
MW – Why is there a Marantz eight track mounted over the door?
JP – “There’s a big dilemma about my Big Leg Emma, uh huh. Oh yeah.”
Also
“Constance is gone, I hope she’s drifting out to sea…”
Hey, remember that song by The Jaggerz?
“Rap-a-rap-a-rap, they call it The Rapture.
Rap, rap, rap, you know who it’s after…”
Yeah, that’s the best I got. Sorry, America.
LuckyMay 17th, 2011 at 6:14 am [Reply]
Pluggers – I wish I didn’t know what “cleaning the garage” really means.
Terry in MarylandMay 17th, 2011 at 6:27 am [Reply]
MT: That pit is like the Tardis, much larger on the inside than on the outside.
gleebMay 17th, 2011 at 6:48 am [Reply]
Up on the Roof: Following the success of The Book of Mormon, can Calvinism take Broadway by storm?
gleebMay 17th, 2011 at 7:02 am [Reply]
In the Seijun Suzuki version of Lisa’s Story, cancer wears a sharkskin suit and shouts a lot to intimidate people.
Tube sockMay 17th, 2011 at 7:07 am [Reply]
MW: Would you hold my bullet for me? Keep it close to your heart!
KarMannMay 17th, 2011 at 7:23 am [Reply]
Ziggy: Pantsless rhinophymatous midget: The other other white meat. [*]
Just say “no” to cannibalism!
May 17th, 2011 at 7:52 am [Reply]
RMMD: Who knew that Berna’s horny sister was the night custodian. Doesn’t she want a piece of the winnings?
ArchieNemesisMay 17th, 2011 at 7:54 am [Reply]
So … Spiderman and MJ travelled all of 3 feet in the air before they were grabbed by Morpheus.
Here’s a transcript of the conversation they had in that time:
MJ: Your webbing — it’s a no show!
Spiderman: Oh no! Can’t — shoot — my web!!!
MJ: Nnnnoooo!
MJ: Starting to fall!
Spiderman: Can’t concentrate–!
I’m telling you, I’m really starting to doubt whether this strip is based on real events or not.
Illustrator SteveMay 17th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]
MT: After all these years it turns out that Mark is nothing more than a dancing puppet on a stick, (as finally revealed in panel #1)!
MT: In panel #3 Mark joins the readers by exclaiming, “HEY, WHAT’S THIS ABOUT?!!” Something most of us have been asking ourselves since we started reading the Mark Trail comic strip!
Thomas B.May 17th, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]
Cherry: “So the only way to get Mark into a hole is to let Andy in first? You know what, I’ll just make due with the akward kissing.”
Captain CheesesteakMay 17th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]
Mark is confused about the situation, not because he let himself be pushed into a hole, but that the hole is beardless, and therefore his usual remedy to all of life’s problems will be ineffective.
LiamMay 17th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]
MT-Say, Boo-boo, looks like our people trap worked. Now Ranger Mark won’t be able to stop me from swiping picnic baskets.
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