Wizard of Id, 5/17/11
One wonders why today’s Wizard of Id, having annotated with blunt-force onomatopoeia actions in the first two panels that would have been easily parsed as drawn without explanation, then goes on in panel three to illustrate … something … with a series of mysterious radiating lines. Are these supposed to represent light — a glow from within the bathroom, along the lines of the nuclear whatsit in Kiss Me Deadly, or a more abstract representation of the gargoyle’s shocking ugliness? Do they indicate sound, perhaps the gargoyle’s inarticulate shrieking? Or, considering that the magical beast has been interrupted on the toilet, maybe they’re stink lines? They’re stink lines, aren’t they? Since that’s the grossest possible answer, I’m going to assume that’s the case.
Apartment 3-G, 5/17/11
My favorite part of this strip is not the fact that Paul caught the bouquet (although it does make one smile to imagine his bridesmaids’ dresses, just as hideous in design as the one Lu Ann has on now, only they’re the same hideous orange creamsicle color as his suit), but all the single ladies flailing wildly about in the background, a full ten yards from anywhere the bouquet could have possibly landed. It’s like they’ve all been turned off marriage forever by the horrorshow before them, but feel they need to participate in this antiquated patriarchal ritual, for appearance’s sake.
The Lockhorns, 5/17/11
Who says the Lockhorns is out of touch? It takes someone with a near anthropological understanding of the nuances of modern American life to grasp the distinction between a “dude” and a “bro.”
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/17/11
Gosh, it looks like the whole rest of the week is going to be dedicated to the funeral of poor cuzzin Travis. Today, the town preacher implies in front of Travis’s whole family that he’s being tortured forever, in hell!
This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 17, 2011 at 07:45 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Barney Google & Snuffy Smith, Lockhorns, Wizard of Id. | 267 responses to “” ClampsMay 17th, 2011 at 7:53 am [Reply]
Loretta’s disappointment at Leroy’s refusal to let her buy merkins online is troubling at best.
KarMannMay 17th, 2011 at 7:53 am [Reply]
Repost, because I just couldn’t bear to let it die:
Ziggy: Pantsless rhinophymatous midget: The other other white meat. [*]
Just say “no” to cannibalism!
May 17th, 2011 at 7:55 am [Reply]
5-17 Weird Sound Effects:
Close to Home — PLEH! CLONK!
Baby Blues — THUP! THUP! THUP!
Wizard of Id — SHUFFLE SHUFFLE SHUFFLE
Phantom — BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! WHAM! BLAM! BLAM!
May 17th, 2011 at 7:56 am [Reply]
…he’s being tortured forever, in hell!
So, pretty much just a lateral move from Hootin’ Holler, then?
wossnameMay 17th, 2011 at 8:02 am [Reply]
Luann – have we ever heard the Pitt Bull-Sheet mentioned before? That’s almost… um… what’s the word… funny.
animusMay 17th, 2011 at 8:02 am [Reply]
“The Shatner” there doesn’t look much like its namesake.
PozzoMay 17th, 2011 at 8:04 am [Reply]
Snuffy has a tie that he breaks out for weddings and funerals. It also glows in the dark and reads: “Kiss me, I’m inbred.”
Plinko CommieMay 17th, 2011 at 8:12 am [Reply]
Travis is going to hell? I have more concerns about Snuffy’s final destination, considering he’s wearing a bow tie made out of someone’s flesh.
Doctor HandsomeMay 17th, 2011 at 8:14 am [Reply]
I assume Leroy is gawking through the window at a comely salesgirl.
Buck RipsnortMay 17th, 2011 at 8:14 am [Reply]
Lockhorns: The “Dude” is obviously based on The Big Lebowski. What kind of strip makes references less than 30 years old?
Little GuyMay 17th, 2011 at 8:16 am [Reply]
Luann: Okay, Evans. You win. THIS TIME!
A3G: “In our ground-breaking saga on same-sex marriage….”
JP: Okay, Suicide CEO Girl. You chased away the strapless jubblies. Go jump.
Doctor HandsomeMay 17th, 2011 at 8:17 am [Reply]
So the anthropomorphic onion thinks a gargoyle is out-of-the-ordinary?
DoodMay 17th, 2011 at 8:17 am [Reply]
But wait till that casket/buffet table is opened up and Snuffy uncorks his jug. Whoo-hoo!
MibbitmakerMay 17th, 2011 at 8:18 am [Reply]
A3G: The women flailing in the background are positively Tony Tallarico-ish.
(BG&)SS: “He either went to see Jesus in all His glory ~ or ~ he got to personally meet bin-Laden.”
WoI: Maybe the gargoyle had… explosive… something… (from the I Don’t Usually Do That Type of Humor Dept.)
DoodMay 17th, 2011 at 8:18 am [Reply]
Paul may have caught it, but he looks like he’s desperately trying to throw it back. No, Paul, this isn’t a catch-and-release sort of thing. It’s yours.
Ned RyersonMay 17th, 2011 at 8:22 am [Reply]
The stained glass windows at Hootin’ Holler’s church were a generous donation from Google Inc. (Don’t Be Evil. No, seriously. Cut it out.)
A3G Panel 2 catches a frozen moment in time just before Paul Linsky’s reflexes kick in (like Jack Burton in Big Trouble in Little China) and he hurls the bouquet with deadly force back at Doris. The question is, did the florist construct that thing with something heavy or sharp enough in the bottom to penetrate the bride’s skull or maybe just put an eye out or something?
Doctor HandsomeMay 17th, 2011 at 8:23 am [Reply]
The throwing and catching motions in today’s A3G seem awkward and unnatural, unless you realize that Paul is actually summoning the bouquet to his hand like Mjolnir.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 17th, 2011 at 8:25 am [Reply]
Mother Goose & Grimm — Woody Allen does a similar bit in 1973’s Sleeper when he’s introduced to Rags the Robot Dog:
Rags: “Hi! I’m Rags! Woof woof!”
Woody: “Is he housebroken? Or will he be leaving little piles of batteries all over the place?”
May 17th, 2011 at 8:26 am [Reply]
Lio: ooops.
R&R: not as ‘ew’ as it could be.
rMC: classic example of Furry Confusion in action. This was a good’un, Ed & Mel.
9DL: *giggleteehee* *SLAP*
AD: late to the Arab Spring.
F-: you aren’t The Princess Bride, so don’t even try.
FW: failFailFAIL,FAIL
PLUGGERS: say it with me, folks: AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!
snarpologies.
honeypotMay 17th, 2011 at 8:28 am [Reply]
I’m comforted to know that the Wizard and Blanche have separate twin beds. I wonder if the gargoyle has his own as well…
I’m also impressed by the sight of complete torsos of the background women in A3G, in motion yet. I wonder if the people in that strip even HAVE legs – they certainly don’t have twin beds, or bedrooms. I’m realizing that over the years it has devolved into complete talking heads (in ugly suits and outdated ugly dresses), gone are the glory days of the A3G of my youth.
I’m a little befuddled by the presence of men in suits for everyday wear in the comics as a whole. I don’t even KNOW a man that wears a suit, other than to weddings and funerals. And not a few of them wear jeans.
DoodMay 17th, 2011 at 8:29 am [Reply]
@Doctor Handsome (#17): I thought only Ted Forth could summon a bouquet.
MibbitmakerMay 17th, 2011 at 8:29 am [Reply]
9CL: Every Woman in McEldowneyland Is A Burber — a re-re-re-reiteration
Archie: ‘Pop Culture’s Reasons To Stay Single, Fellahs’,
part 5,875,848,748,488,783,883,123,456,789,800
BBlues: ….If all men weren’t disgusting garbage!
nope….. try again…
BBlues: A straw pig.
Popeye: Nothing else could be this tragic and goofy at the same time.
6C: You’re birds! Those ARE lyrics!
Ed Lee: What can I say? The man knows his dodgeball.
DoodMay 17th, 2011 at 8:32 am [Reply]
In the Sam Peckinpah version of Lisa’s Story, all the residents of Westview die in a hail of gunfire.
CloudbusterMay 17th, 2011 at 8:34 am [Reply]
9CL: Firm. Heh.
Seth: NO! I’m gay! Completely gay! That … what you feel … that’s just ART APPRECIATION!
Fernanda: *wriggle*
Seth: AUGH! Subtle … use … of physicality….
S. StoutMay 17th, 2011 at 8:35 am [Reply]
Lockhorns: So Mrs. Lockhorn is wearing a wig? Well, that clears up a lot.
A3G: I love that Paul is doing a Dumb and Dumber parody by dressing up as Lloyd. Even so, he’s still got the classiest outfit there.
Luann: If this starts a plot line where the teacher gets fired for taking a picture with a student modeling on her desk, why….I’d like that!
ScienceGiantMay 17th, 2011 at 8:38 am [Reply]
Apartment 3-G: Yeah. See the little finger on that mangled hand of the woman who’s photobombing the second panel? That’s gonna be my nightmare fuel tonight…
jayjaybearMay 17th, 2011 at 8:40 am [Reply]
A3G: Tomorrow, every single woman at that wedding will be waiting outside for Paul. Boy’s gonna hurt…
Rocky StoneaxeMay 17th, 2011 at 8:40 am [Reply]
Apartment 3-G — I can’t wait for the inevitable crossover with John Rose’s Snuffy Smith and Tim Burton’s The Corpse Bride:
http://popcultureplaypen.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/gg_corpse_bride_bust.jpg
CloudbusterMay 17th, 2011 at 8:41 am [Reply]
JP: People who want to commit suicide just, you know, commit suicide. They don’t just stand around talking about how serious they are about committing suicide. I probably don’t have a future in career in a suicide hotline because, once, faced with an acquaintance actually sitting in a window threatening to jump, I — thoroughly disgusted with the melodrama — just said “go ahead.” They didn’t jump.
MibbitmakerMay 17th, 2011 at 8:41 am [Reply]
FW: Don’t look now, but I think we’re the Straw Hollywood Power Dweebs in Batty’s House of Spiteful Allegories. It’s the sequel to The School Play Troglodytes of Curmudgeon County.
Yeah, FU2, Tommy baby!
Let’s not do lunch.
May 17th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]
Wizard of Id: They dropped an “h” in the last panel.
Snuff: I’m hoping the preacher suddenly converted to agnosticism.
Les of the Jungle PatrolMay 17th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]
I’m impressed by the action lines around the driver’s breasts in Rhymes with Orange. Because it’s a good detail, not because I’m a perv…..
DoodMay 17th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]
Lu Ann: “Paul! You caught it!! Marriage cooties!!!”
pugfugglyMay 17th, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]
I remembered when I was a kid and I first heard the Sheb Wooley novelty song “Purple People Eater” I was left a little confused because they phrasing of the chorus made it sound like the people were purple, and not the ‘eater’. But where would a monster find purple people, I wondered. Today I got my answer: at an A3G wedding.
Eat up friend, this bland little celebration can’t be over soon enough.
Effluvius ErratusMay 17th, 2011 at 8:46 am [Reply]
Archie: Look’s like Archie’s mom has got a Fred with benefits! /thankyoutrytheveal
Better Half: Looks like Stanley’s been digging in the datura again.
FW: Glummer than a bleeding haemophiliac … more dourful than a manic depressive … able to turn boom into bust with a single frown! Look! Down on the ground! It’s the Defeatist!
CloudbusterMay 17th, 2011 at 8:46 am [Reply]
MW: You know how sometimes, when you’re watching a movie or reading a book, you’re all on edge because you know the protaganist is making a terrible mistake, but other times, you don’t care, because the “protagonist” deserves whatever pain he gets? This is the second thing.
Edgy DCMay 17th, 2011 at 8:46 am [Reply]
Cuzzin Travis’ “whole family” appears to be Snuffy and Loweezy. Not even good ‘ol Barney Google showed up for the farewell. They’re the sole mourners, and their dedication is poigniant, filling out the pews, paying for the undertaker’s heroic grooming-and-embalming-services, the not-quite-a-pine-box-but-close casket, the funeral, and the single sad lonely wreath (‘reef?) that they doubtlessly lugged from the funeral home to the church themselves. All for a conspicuously sinning, destination-unknown cuzzin’ of Loweezy.
Snuffy Sniff, notioriously self-centered cheapskate, has a heart. You heard it here, folks.
pugfugglyMay 17th, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]
Fun fact: while a gargoyle’s face is ugly as sin, his turds are as bright and shiny as a summer’s day.
KarMannMay 17th, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]
A3G: Well, in keeping with my Rocky Horror question of yester-yesterthread, it seems that we now know that Paul’s the lucky fellow who’s caught syphilis.
MoebiusMay 17th, 2011 at 8:49 am [Reply]
@ScienceGiant (#26):
Her injury is due to Paul grabbing her hand, breaking her pinky and shoving her aside just as she was about to catch the flowers……street rules!
May 17th, 2011 at 8:52 am [Reply]
A3G: Best possible outcome here: Tomorrow, Paul tries to take his relationship with Luann to the next level by doing the full Beyonce Kirk-from-Glee “If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it.”
MW: Please let it be her ear. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.
MT: You’re mistaken, Mark; John “Thrash ‘Em with a Stick” has you exactly where he wants you.
DtM: Autocratic management style? Well, at least Dennis might make a menacing boss some day.
JP: The Judge’s suggestion that they’re meant to be there together appears to have sent Emma into further despair. Judge, the goal here is to make her not want to stop living, okay?
DoodMay 17th, 2011 at 8:52 am [Reply]
Isn’t Pastor Tuttle (is that his name?) notorious for mooching food and other subsistence items from his gridingly poor flock? Maybe his thoughts are just another means to his nutritional ends, as in, “I could tell you Brother Travis’ destination for another slice of pie.”
Mark BMay 17th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]
DT: Hot Rize is a sexy little minx, but not the smartest criminal. If you’re killing a poor dupe to keep him from squealing to the cops, leaving a bunch of snow all over the truck at the crime scene kind of blows your cover. She might have been better served just cutting Earl in on a bit of the action. Oh well, criminals aren’t necessarily smart, it’s part of the game.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 17th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
Fosters . . . .
IRL Quiddich.
I .gif you fennec & kitteh.
more of Norm’s baby pics.
bebbeh ferret SQWEEE!
otterz, now even more boopable.
handsome corgi.
NekrotzarMay 17th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
Perhaps the preacher is suggesting that the comics page does not live in a universe with a simple bifurcated afterlife of heaven and hell, but rather, they are part of the cycle of samsara, where their next destination is determined by their lifetime accumulation of karma. If Travis had positive karma, he might have returned as a Generic Guy in A3G. Bad karma, he might be a bone in Marmaduke. Really bad karma, Ziggy.
————————–
WoId brings make memories: who else remembers the classic Stink Lines by Grandmaster Flash?
LizMay 17th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]
Is the third hair option in Lockhorns….The Shatner?
Really? The “Dude”, the “Bro” and the “Shatner”?
With these choices how will I ever decide which dead animal to have stapled to my head!?
KarMannMay 17th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#34): Exhibit A:
“I said Mr Purple People Eater, what’s your line?
“He said eating purple people, and it sure is fine.”
The defense rests.
anonMay 17th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]
That ugly bride awkwardly tossing the bouquet ? All wrong. Every wedding I’ve been to, the bride stands with her BACK TO THE CROWD, maybe on a chair, or on a balcony, and tosses the bouquet BACKWARDS over her head.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 17th, 2011 at 9:01 am [Reply]
In the spirit of this week’s Doonesbury (which wossname accurately called):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmX-lZOYcVA&feature=youtu.be
May 17th, 2011 at 9:02 am [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#41): I was thinking Liza’s gift would be special collars which explode whenever they get more than 100 yards away from each other, which she would quickly lock on his neck before he had time to resist, and then put the matching one on her own neck. Then they could be together forever.
But What Do I Know?May 17th, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#41): Re:MW COTW Nomination!!!!
Doctor HandsomeMay 17th, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]
@Nekrotzar (#45): WoId brings make memories: who else remembers the classic Stink Lines by Grandmaster Flash?
The more I see, the more I poo.
May 17th, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]
@Cloudbuster (#36):
There’s a third option, where you’re excited to see pain doled out to a deserving character, like watching your high school bully slip on a wet floor. That’s what I got….
Rocky StoneaxeMay 17th, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]
Nancy claims to have never heard of Popeye, but her 1995 U.S. postage stamp is right below his:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Comic-strip-classics-series-1995.jpg
pugfugglyMay 17th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]
@KarMann (#47): I see….
Well, that still doesn’t change my desire to see a giant one-eyed, one-horned flying monster of any colour enter the hall and start eating the wedding guests. Yes, I think I would like that very much.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 17th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]
9 – “Excuse me while I search for another expression.”
“You always seem pretty comfortable with the ’smug’ one.”
Beetle – We’re back to repeating strips from the 50s, I see. To be fair, we were probably doing it anyway and I didn’t happen to spot them.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 17th, 2011 at 9:09 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#54):
The Nancy strip in question:
http://comics.com/nancy/
PatrickMay 17th, 2011 at 9:10 am [Reply]
Did that bride slap the bouquet towards her bridesmaids? That’s no “throw” I’ve ever seen, according to her hand positioning.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 17th, 2011 at 9:10 am [Reply]
Mark – “Someone doesn’t want us around here, so they trapped us in a pit. Ha ha! The jokes on him, Andy! We can’t go away now!”
Mary – “I have something to offer you!”
From the look on her face in the first panel, I hope she at least washed the blood off of it.
May 17th, 2011 at 9:11 am [Reply]
Pluggers – So this sort of filth is what passes for humor in Gomer? Golll-lee!
Rapture – Who can forget this classic image? I bought a stack of these on postcards when we lived in Georgia and sent them out to friends, saving at least one that I usually can’t find. I wrote on them that this shows unbelievers getting just what they deserve for laughing at people like Jack T. Chick. I still wouldn’t mind finding a copy of the scary, realistic one they were handing out at our county fair in the 60s, with a lot of red tones, and sinners begging for rocks to fall on them and stuff.
KarMannMay 17th, 2011 at 9:12 am [Reply]
@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#49): And speaking of things seen on Facebook, is someone having an extra-special bourbon celebration today? ;-)
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 17th, 2011 at 9:12 am [Reply]
Josh – You’ve almost described a Family Circus Sunday strip I wanted to draw. Smaller first panel shows Dolly tellin’ PJ “Sometimes I think Grampa’s watchin’ over us!” Larger second panel shows Grampa being tortured in Hell! He’s bent over a rock, and among other things, being forced to watch a circular monitor with the scene in the first panel repeated on it.
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#44): I saw a bunch of R.I.T. students playing Quidditch last year. It took me a minute to catch on, but the brooms and hoops and wizard hat on one guy finally tipped me off. I looked around for the Seekers and saw them chasing a girl in a goldenrod T-shirt. I said to myself, the future of this great nation is in good hands and went home smiling.
bourbon babe, unbuckledMay 17th, 2011 at 9:17 am [Reply]
@KarMann (#61): Yes, thanks! (It will take at least a little bourbon to celebrate the fact that I’m now officially in my fifties!)
CanuckDownSouthMay 17th, 2011 at 9:17 am [Reply]
Crankshaft’s Gardening Insanities of the Day: (1) bananas don’t come from a tree (2) So either those coffee plants grew from seeds, indicating they did do just fine for a while in that climate, or the local nursery sells the plants and expects them to survive till harvest so that they won’t have a bunch of irate customers. Ridiculous either way.
Cloudbuster-29: Based on survivors and the stats of people who attempt “less than sure thing” suicide methods, there’s a lot of subconsciously conflicted would-be suicides. This isn’t very unrealistic.
Scott BotMay 17th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]
BB – I know there’s a joke in there somewhere, I just don’t know what it is.
FW – ‘Test audiences have overwhelmingly agreed that the film would be much better if you died instead, Les.’
GT – I just hope that’s a Slim Whitman guitar strap that he’s wearing. Because that would be cool.
JP – If he asks her what her sign is, I’m outta here.
MW – I realize that you’re obsessed with Drew, but showing him your hoohaa right there in the middle of the hospital is probably not a good idea, Liza.
Pluggers – Gomer, Ohio? Is that just down the road from Goober?
Snuffy – The town preacher isn’t speculating as to the ultimate destination of Cousin Travis’ soul – apparently he’s under the delusion that he’s now Dale Bozzio of the eighties band Missing Persons.
BretMay 17th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]
Why is Paul even in range of the bouquet, the only male in a sea of females? (It’s obviously a sea, because they’re all blue.) There’s only one conclusion to be made: Paul’s gay. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) His upcoming appearance in a jaunty ascot would confirm that fact in any other world but the A3G artverse.
AnonymousMay 17th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]
LOCKHORNS: Leroy stares wistfully at “hair apparent” as his longing for a child dawns upon him. If he had a son, an “heir apparent”, Leroy thinks, perhaps he could live vicariously through him! It could be his one chance at happiness, his one chance to get away from Loretta! His son would have magnificent hair, his son wouldn’t spend his nights sobbing and tearing his hair out, as he had done. He would ensure it.
BARNEY GOOGLE AND SNUFFY SMITH: The priest looks shocked in that second panel, as if the fact that Cousin Travis was an evil, heartless bastard just dawned upon him. Maybe he was just too shocked by this to avoid shouting it out?
PipMay 17th, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]
@Anonymous (#67): Edit, that was me.
Little GuyMay 17th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]
@Cloudbuster (#24): Next, McE will imply that there is no such thing as male rape because there is a physical response that implies consent.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 17th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#60):
Who says the Rapture (“In time all will be revealed”) can’t have its raunchy and kitschy components (definitely NSFW):
http://img1.imagehyper.com/t/0/0/281/281230-2b0c5083.jpg
Not to be confused with George Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue”!
KarMannMay 17th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#70): Heh, I especially like the enthralling description in the upper left of the backside!
teenchyMay 17th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]
@Mark B (#43): Haven’t been paying attention to DT but did the artist clear Hot Rize’s name with the band?
Scott BotMay 17th, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]
Pluggers – Ok, I looked it up (work is particularly boring today). There is such a place as Gomer, Ohio:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gomer,_Ohio
I’m kind of disappointed that Dot and Tot Bot are done with kindergarten; I would have loved to say that my kids went to Gomer Elementary School. Ah, well, such is life.
jvwaltMay 17th, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]
Judging by today’s “Wizard” and yesterday’s “B.C.,” I’d say that Hart Legacy Strips LLC has completely abandoned any semblance of conventional comedy. Instead, they’re going the Andy Kaufman route: humor so unfunny that it becomes a commentary on the nature of humor and audience expectations.
That’s right: “Wizard” and “B.C.” are avant-garde.
Two elephants in a bathtub. One says, “Where’s the soap?” The other points down at the water and says, “No soap. Radio.”
Not just any DipstickMay 17th, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]
MT: Mark will soon give up yelling, and simply build a house in the humongous pit out of dog poop. Never realizing he could have built a stairway out instead. And all the ‘pancakes’ he can eat too.
Maggie the CatMay 17th, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]
I can’t believe the parson in Snuffy Smith forgot to bring his funeral copperhead.
Russ HMay 17th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]
Josh! Are you NOT seeing Funky Winkerbean? The success that Les craves is upon him with Hollywood knocking on his door for a movie option, and now he is talking with his DEAD WIFE about the intricacies of movie liscensing in a desperate attempt to derail his own success! How else can he justify his miserable demeanor unless he remain a destitute nobody??
Naked Bunny with a WhipMay 17th, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]
The Lockhorns cartoon got me imagining Leroy and Loretta in fursuits. Which got me thinking about Pluggers. Which led to the question, “If the Lockhorns wore fursuits, would they be pluggers?” I decided the answer is “no” because the Lockhorns spend far more time communicating with each other than plugger spouses do.
This is what I do when I should be working.
Pseudo3DMay 17th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]
Spider-Man – Spider-Man, Spider-Man, friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Is he lazy, or just really bad? When he fails, does anyone feel sad?
DT – Now that Rize has actually done a crime, I can’t wait to see what gruesome fate awaits her. Trapped in an outhouse in hillbilly country? Baked into biscuits? The mind boggles with possibilities.
FW – I don’t know, I feel incredibly insulted by Funky Winkerbean. “Oh, poor Les! His wife died of ca-ca-ca-cancer!” My grandfather lost his wife of over 30 years to cancer, which took about nine months from discovery to her passing away. It was a tragedy, but he re-married within three years of her death. Les acts like he’s the only one who has had a wife with cancer, never remarries, and is comforted by his wife’s ghost. In real life, that would be a mentally disturbed person in the ward of the state. Then Les writes a hack novel, which is nothing new in the world of books, I’m sure there’s a million dime-store books of the same type, and it’s a runaway success. We’ve been told that he’s gone to at least half a dozen cities, including a visible few days in Houston of which the owner got in bed with Batiuk (figuratively, of course) to put the bookstore in. Then he portrays Hollywood big-wigs as unable to convert a book into a movie as if they’ve botched every single book.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 17th, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#62): that is such a cute story! IMMD.
Not just any DipstickMay 17th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#44): Every time I see ‘boop’ I am reminded of ‘Dogma’.
Ed Power, Cage WriterMay 17th, 2011 at 10:20 am [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#19):
Thanks. That’s actually one of my faves from the run. :)
-Ed
AtomicDogMay 17th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]
Non Sequitur – I can’t see today’s strip as anything but an insult to the Apollo program.
But What Do I Know?May 17th, 2011 at 10:24 am [Reply]
A3G — I’m sure Paul’s going to make some lucky man very happy. . .
The Ghost Who Wham-Blams — Our next marketing catchphrase — Go With the Wolf!
SM — OK, this action is just obviously physically impossible. . .
GT — I give up. What the heck is that stuff pouring out of the cop in panel 3?
thebirdgirlMay 17th, 2011 at 10:32 am [Reply]
I can’t be the only one reading resentment and spite into Doris’s dialogue in A3G, can I?
“I won’t be able to leave until I throw this into the crowd? Fine. Here you go, assholes! Now get out of my way.”
I mean, why else would she toss the bouquet like that, overhand and facing forward? My guess is she deliberately threw it at Paul because she wanted to make the other ladies sad. Meanwhile, poor dim Lu Ann just says what she sees. Five minutes ago, it was “Paul! You ate food!”
May 17th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]
MT: Andy likes being in the big hole.
Effluvius ErratusMay 17th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]
H&J: Ha! It’s funny because Herb’s wife is horrified because she mistakenly believes Herb Jr. is going to break a 400-year-old family tradition of going commando. Right?
JP: “Maybe we were destined to be here together”? Looks like Alan’s been reading “The Secret” in preparation for his appearance on Oprah.
vanyaMay 17th, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]
I’d guess I’ve been to about 15 weddings. Not once have I seen a bride throw a bouquet. Guess I’m one of those blue state elitists you’ve heard about.
TheDivaMay 17th, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]
A3G: I’m more worried about the woman behind Paul, who seems to have dislocated her pinky in her half-hearted effort to land the bouquet.
(FWIW, I didn’t throw my bouquet, the reason being I married after most of my relatives and acquaintances had tied the knot, and felt that going through the whole thing with my maybe two single female guests would be a pointless and potentially humiliating exercise. Instead the bouquet was given to the guests who had been married the longest (Mr. Diva’s parents, as it turns out). The Wedding Police didn’t prevent us from leaving the ceremony for not following protocol, so Nerdy Bride’s concern seems unwarranted.)
9CL: I liked Fernanda better when she was slamming doors in his face.
FW: “You want my advice, Les? Okay, here it is…*slap* GET OVER YOURSELF, YOU DUMB HACK! You’re worried about mean ol’ Hollywood producers changing your book? I’m worried about my daughter being able to go to fucking college! Or is the high school teacher-slash-pizza monkey gig paying much better these days? Make the deal already! What’s the worst that could happen? The film becomes a hit, you hit the big time and wind up a smug, self-centered jerk who exploits people for profit and toys with the affections of women? News flash, buster, the only major change is that you’ll be doing all that in Aspen instead of Westview–and let’s face it, the scenery’s better there. Dear God, were you always this much of an asshole and I didn’t see it, or did my dying really screw you up that much? Either way, put on your big boy pants and don’t come whining to me with stupid crap like this again, or the next plane you get on is going down over the Andes and the other passengers will go Alferd Packer on your ass.”
JP: Are you TRYING to make her jump?
MT: How cunning! John Thrasher has trapped them in a three-foot deep pit! How will Mark EVER get out of this one?
MW: *rips scrubs open*
SM: Hey, can you blame the man for not wanting to waste a good meal? There’s starving vampires in Romania who wouldn’t turn their noses up at the two of you, no sir!
CloudbusterMay 17th, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]
@Liz (#46): Real Men go with “The Shatner.” Every time.
Alan's AddictionMay 17th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]
Today’s “Wizard of Id” demonstrates how to destroy an excellent set-up for a joke with a lousy punchline. “Why is there a gargoyle on the toilet?” is, I think we can all agree, an excellently comedic question, possibly a stand-alone punchline with infinite possible answers that would be entertaining and delightful, from “April Fool’s!” to, “Ah, so that’s what we did last night after the Absinthe.” The comics page, in its infinite wisdom, chose the reply that makes absolutely no sense (unless you think that statues can crap).
Paul is also into hen nights, girls’ night out, and other things that he, as an allegedly heterosexual person with a Y-chromosome, really shouldn’t be interested in. Either that or he’s an enormous douche-bag for grabbing the bouquet when there are obviously thousands of women eagerly competing that honor.
I LOVE the implication in today’s “Lockhorns” that Leroy wears animal pelts instead of toupees, or that he wears other people’s scalps instead of toupees. I don’t know which option I prefer; the former has great potential for Davy Crockett references; the latter has great potential for “Silence of the Lambs” references.
Oh, God, the writers of “Barney Google and Snuffy Smith” are really going to drag that horrifying hillbilly funeral schtick on for more than a few days? If that’s the case, then I need alcohol. And not just any alcohol; I’m talking the type of hard-core, ultra-strength, hillbilly moonshine that makes the prospect of life in incestuous Hootin’ Holler tolerable to its illiterate, inbred residents.
May 17th, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#79): I’m confident that everyone who has lost a loved one to cancer is insulted by FW by now. And considering that cancer is this country’s number one killer, that’s a big audience to insult.
I guessing that Batiuk once intended Lisa’s story arc to be affirming. For all those have nursed family and close friends through cancer, well, it would be nice to think there’s some sort of cosmic reward for the caregivers. But Les is too creepy to identify with, so it doesn’t come across that way. Batiuk made the the classic mistake of forgetting this was supposed to be about other people and not himself. Les’s rewards don’t come from selflessly giving to his family anymore; they come from being a self-absorbed, navel gazing, ego-driven ass. If he focused on Summer and Cayla, worried about how a movie might affect them, we’d have nothing to snark about.
Okay, end rant. Sorry it’s long, but I’m dealing with too much death in my personal life, and I wish I could give out those cosmic rewards to caregivers right now. To all of you. If I had Batiuk’s opportunity to do so, I’d like to think I’d be more humble and not blow it so badly.
Scott BotMay 17th, 2011 at 10:49 am [Reply]
GT – ‘The band’s drinking soda, but a bunch of the beer fans are underage.’ Isn’t that the latest song by Lady Antebellum?
Rocky StoneaxeMay 17th, 2011 at 10:50 am [Reply]
@jvwalt (#74):
Johnny Hart’s grandsons have also carried on the Hart Family Legacy by creating their own strip:
http://www.gocomics.com/dogsofckennel
A different JDMay 17th, 2011 at 10:51 am [Reply]
Things I don’t understand:
The Wizard of Id is supposed to take place in some imaginary medieval time, when people ride horses and carry spears, right? So what how the hell could there be an electric lamp on the Wizard’s bedside dresser? (Not to mention, What are they doing with indoor plumbing?)
In Judge Parker, there’s a beautiful and ostensibly brilliant research scientist about to kill herself in despair because members of her research team died in the tsunami, and she blames her self. And what does this truly sensitive soul do when not on the brink of despair? She designs increasingly effective ways to kill people, then sells the product to the highest bidder. So you can see where a few deaths would deeply affect her. (Not to mention, With so many taller buildings in Manhattan, why did she choose a Broadway theatre roof to jump from?)
In Spiderman… oh, hell, nothing in that strip makes sense.
CloudbusterMay 17th, 2011 at 10:51 am [Reply]
@TheDiva (#89): “The Wedding Police didn’t prevent us from leaving the ceremony for not following protocol, so Nerdy Bride’s concern seems unwarranted.”
You think you got away with it, but we’re coming for you. We’ll never give up. There is no statute of limitations. You can honeymoon, but you can’t hide.
— The Wedding Police
May 17th, 2011 at 10:52 am [Reply]
A3G – Count me among those who didn’t throw her bouquet. We also didn’t have toasts – do you know why? Because people were having too much fun eating, drinking and dancing to the awesome band to be bothered. And that’s just how we wanted it. And while we cut the cake, there was no smashing it on the face of my new spouse. Why on earth would you waste cake?
Esther BlodgettMay 17th, 2011 at 10:52 am [Reply]
OK, you folks seem to have the snark covered here. I’m off to the hospital to gnaw on my nails while Beloved Spouse goes under the knife. Minor surgery, but in a, you know, sensitive area. Let us say, in the Seth zone.
kkarenbMay 17th, 2011 at 10:55 am [Reply]
Pluggers – I may be stepping on Fashion Police’s territory, but word of advice to the Chicken Lady – don’t ever wear horizontal stripes like that again.
FW – Add Hollywood producers to the list of people Les is superior to. (Store clerks, people who go to his book signings, TSA staff, Starbucks staff and customers…)
CloudbusterMay 17th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]
MT: That pit is enormous! In the time it took one man to dig that pit by hand, he could have hunted, trapped, fished and gathered enough food to feed himself for months!
NeigedensMay 17th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]
Then I guess it’s a good thing that Loweezy and Snuffy are the only ones attending the service. What, did all the other hillbillies have to get back to work? Because I kind of doubt that. They appear to have all left before the lunch was served, which means they are not a very forward thinking class of hillbilly, I can tell you that much.
kkarenbMay 17th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]
@Neigedens (#101):
Work and hillbillies? Isn’t that an oxymoron?
May 17th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]
JP: Hold it. Is the Judge using divine providence as a pick up line?
GregMay 17th, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]
Can’t Mr Lockhorn just transfer his pubic hair to his head like that unfunny SNL skit? Unfunny + unfunny = something, something. (No tragedy + time here…)
S.AssilemMay 17th, 2011 at 11:10 am [Reply]
@CanuckDownSouth (#64):
But where else would bananas come from?
Or… If you think they are like peaches, and they come from a can and were put there by a man.
May 17th, 2011 at 11:10 am [Reply]
@Not just any Dipstick (#75): Your scenario made me think of a book that my grandfather used to read to me, Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel. Mike uses his steam shovel (named Mary Anne) to dig the cellar for the new city hall. They can’t get out of the hole they dig, so the city hall is built around them and Mike becomes the janitor and Mary Anne becomes the boiler. In Mark’s high country hole in the ground, I guess Andy will be the HVAC system or maybe the bidet? They can probably get a squirrel to make the pancakes.
Naked Bunny with a WhipMay 17th, 2011 at 11:10 am [Reply]
@kkarenb (#102): Moonshine doesn’t distill itself, y’know.
Mark BMay 17th, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]
I just noticed something in today’s Mary Worth. Liza’s scrubs have a name tag that says “Lisa”. With an “s”. Run, Drew! She’s killing the other nurses and taking their stuff! Run while you still can!
KatyMay 17th, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#98): Frankly, I’m just waiting for my own husband to be diagnosed. That’s a terrible thing to say, but more than half the married couples I know have had that happen, and I think about it every single day. From the future me to the present you: I’m sorry, hon. I’m working on my cuticles too. And I’m sending you and your husband all my very best wishes.
TheDivaMay 17th, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]
@Old School Allie Cat (#97): We didn’t do the cake-smashing thing either. Apart from not wanting to deal with buttercream smeared all over my meticulously made-up face, the whole idea of using the whole symbolic-feeding-and-nurturing gesture as an excuse to rudely smash cake in the face of one’s spouse strikes me as kind of a mixed message….
Mark BMay 17th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]
@Cloudbuster (#100): It’s a lot easier to be a mountain man if you have a backhoe. And a supply of diesel fuel.
KatyMay 17th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]
On a less somber note, or maybe more somber, can Batiuk demonstrate any more clearly that NOBODY has EVER been interested in optioning anything he’s ever done, so he has no idea how it works? There is no person in Hollywood, none, even the janitor, who would say to a writer, “How important is it that X …?” They would just change X, and inform the writer later. Maybe. Or maybe the writer would just find out about it while paging through someone’s discarded script.
There’s actually a joke about this: “Did you hear about the blonde who slept with the screenwriter?” Meaning, blondes are so dumb that they give it up for the most powerless in town. Har! Batiuk, are you listening?
Uncle LumpyMay 17th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]
@Ned Ryerson (#106):
Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel — I loved that book: must’ve read it a thousand times. Also, steam! Still the go-to technology for moving something heavy a long way. Catapults on aircraft carriers and pumps for mines are two applications.
KatyMay 17th, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]
@TheDiva (#110): I have a hard enough time keeping food off my face without someone actively trying to put it there.
Plus, our cake was really, really, really, really good. Like, one guest came up to me and said with almost religious fervor, “This is. The best. Cake. I have ever. Tasted.” There was simply no way in hell I was going to waste one particle of that incredible cake. I respect the important things.
NekrotzarMay 17th, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]
@Liz (#46): Is the third hair option in Lockhorns….The Shatner
I can’t believe it: there is an actual joke in the Lockhorns. Maybe all those May 21 billboards are right after all.
Effluvius ErratusMay 17th, 2011 at 11:24 am [Reply]
@Porky Pine (#103):
Is the Judge using divine providence as a pick up line?
Alan: Hey, baby, I must be on the road to Damascus, ’cause you’re so fine, you struck me blind.
Emma: …
***
Alan: Hey, baby, is that your burning bush, or are you just happy to see me?
Emma: … [jumps]
***
Alan: Hey, baby, there may always be poor people, but tonight, there’s just us.
Emma: … [eyeroll, jumps]
***
Alan: Hey, sweet stuff, I don’t mind parting the Red Sea, if you know what I mean…
Emma: … [barfs, jumps]
***
Alan: Women call me Jesus Christ because I always come again…
Emma: … [grabs Alan, jumps]
***
Alan: Women call me Jesus Christ because I’ve got hair like lamb’s wool, feet like brass, and when I come to town, I ride the finest ass…
Emma: … [ jumps, flying forward, one-and-a-half somersaults, pikes into the pavement]
May 17th, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]
BG&SS: Nice to see the preacher break out Rancid’s “Ruby Soho” in the middle of his eulogy.
Scott BotMay 17th, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]
@kkarenb (#102): Most of Hootin’ Holler is gainfully employed in what is known as the cottage pharmacautical industry, producing high quality methamphetamine products for retail sale.
Chyron HRMay 17th, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]
@A different JD (#95): So what how the hell could there be an electric lamp on the Wizard’s bedside dresser?
A Wizard (of Id) did it.
KarMannMay 17th, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]
@A different JD (#95): Alternate explanation to Chyron’s: Sufficiently advanced technology = magic!
Pseudo3DMay 17th, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]
@MaryAnnTheRest (#92): My only hope is that Batiuk, in his quest for a Pulitzer, starts ripping off Doonesbury more until Trudeau sues his sorry ass.
@Ned Ryerson (#106): Hey, I think I remember that book!
@Katy (#112): Batiuk doesn’t know how a lot of things work. Cancer, teenagers, Hollywood. I think around the time Wally got his dog there WAS something Batiuk got right, much to our surprise.
Effluvius ErratusMay 17th, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#121): Of course, Batiuk screwed the pooch in the end by having it cure Wally’s PTSD is five minutes.
Scott BotMay 17th, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]
@Katy (#112): More likely he’d find out when he saw the movie at the Westview Cancerplex.
word-doctorMay 17th, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]
Lockhorns-Now I’ve got the two of them mixed up with Sacher-Masoch and I need to bleach my mind.
Scott BotMay 17th, 2011 at 11:46 am [Reply]
@Pseudo3D (#121): Batiuk doesn’t know how a lot of things work. Cancer, teenagers, Hollywood. I think around the time Wally got his dog there WAS something Batiuk got right, much to our surprise.
Remember, even a broken clock is right twice a day.
StuMay 17th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]
Snuffy’s bow tie FTW.
ChipMay 17th, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]
So Spidey grabs his wife, leaps off a building, tries to shoot a web, but in his stupor has FORGOTTEN HOW? Not “Hey I’m out of web fluid” (Which by the way, I was looking forward to his customary lamp-post catch at the last second with the added twist of holding his wife…) He has time to spout at least 2 lines of dialog, THEN he is caught by the good doctor who is STANDING ON THE LEDGE! They haven’t even dropped an inch in two days! By the way, the guy’s not yet a vampire, so- awesome feat of strength, partially undead guy!
Porky PineMay 17th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#116): Nice ones.
Snuffy: Did you notice that the stained glass window by the preacher shifted their piece sizes and shapes from panel one to panel two? Even glass expands and lolls its tongue with this comic’s punch lines. And the preacher said “head” instead of “haid.” He must not be from around those parts.
Batman BeatlesMay 17th, 2011 at 12:10 pm [Reply]
9CL – Just make him straight or bi already!
wossnameMay 17th, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]
@jvwalt (#74): Thank you! I’ve known the punch line “No soap – radio” since high school (i.e. a very long time) but if I ever knew the setup, I’d forgotten it decades ago.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 17th, 2011 at 12:16 pm [Reply]
Lockhorns: I actually do like the fact that the wig store has a model in stock called “the Shatner.” Why’s it curly, though? The man has just a little too much dignity to wear a poodle on top of his head.
WofI: Somehow the dialog has been switched with another strip. I look forward to Marvin rotting away in Spook’s cell.
JP: Why Judge, you old dog you. Talk her off of the ledge and into bed, and make us all proud.
DtM: When your babysitter is glued to the TV set, that’s your opportunity to raise hell, not to whine about being ignored. If you want to know what menace is about, take your marching orders from General Calvin Spiff.
9CL: Hey Seth, here’s an expression for you. “What the fuck ever, douchenozzle.”
FW: Yes, Hollywood won’t go near terminal illness, as Terms of Endearment, Stepmom, and Dying Young all demonstrate.
Ziggy: The joys and sorrows of ptomaine poisoning.
MT: If you want to gain John Thrasher’s trust, try not talking like the world’s pushiest telemarketer.
MW: We can see from Liza’s nametag that she’s actually wearing Lisa’s scrubs. Liza caught Nurse Lisa staring at the back of Drew’s chair in the cafeteria. You don’t want to know what happened to Lisa after that.
Crock: … comes one step closer to putting The Human Centipede in four colors.
SFx: Just for the hell of it, Commissioner Gordon changes outfits with the Joker.
wossnameMay 17th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]
@But What Do I Know? (#84): I was going to ask the same thing about GT. My best guess is that we’re seeing the back of the pony-tailed head of some underage beer drinker. Either that or the cop has a keg of beer under his arm and is pouring it out into Coach’s lap.
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 17th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]
A3G: As a veteran organist who has trampled more than three hundred weddings under his furiously-pedaling feet, let me reassure you I’ve never seen anything more bizarre than a guy grabbing for the bridal bouquet.
I must say Don Juan would approve wholeheartedly of that Datura bouquet.
CanuckDownSouthMay 17th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]
@S.Assilem (#105):
The banana plant (which looks like an overgrown houseplant) is no more a tree than the coffee is:
“The banana plant is the largest herbaceous flowering plant.[4] The plants are normally tall and fairly sturdy and are often mistaken for trees, but their main or upright stem is actually a pseudostem that grows 6 to 7.6 metres (20 to 24.9 ft) tall, growing from a corm.” From the wiki, with references to journals.
AndyLMay 17th, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]
Oh hey! Looks like Lu Ann is going to be a husband!
bats :[May 17th, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#38): and they smell like sweet, sweet roses, too! Hence the magnificent aroma (not stink!) lines!
KatyMay 17th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#133): I am so happy to know you have played more than three hundred weddings! Has the organ ever caught fire (oh, shut up, McEldowney)? Because it did for mine. Why did it do that? Is there some wear-point on the wires in an electrically-powered organ? I mean, there are a lot of moving parts, but nothing that would fray any insulation, is there?
TheTJMay 17th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]
That Bridesmaid behind Paul seems to be upset at him catching the Bouquet. “Oh God, if HE’S the next bride imagine how much WORSE our dresses’ll have to be!”
cheech wizardMay 17th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]
FW – Agent: “How important is it that Lisa die? That didn’t test well.”
Les – (tearing up and starting to blubber) “But…but…that’s the bestest part!”
A3G – LuAnn is delighted that her new boyfriend has caught the bouquet. Most women would be deeply concerned.
AustriaMay 17th, 2011 at 12:27 pm [Reply]
A3G: Is this the beginning of a storyline where we find out Paul is actually a male-to-female transsexual? Cause I’d totally be okay with that.
BG&SS&BB: Whoa, continuity?
Blondie: Why’d they stop putting prizes in cereal boxes, anyway? For once, Blondie does nostalgia right.
FW: They really ARE on to us.
GF: YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION. YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME. HA HA HA.
Luann: Bullsheet is right.
MT: That pit trap really isn’t very deep. John Thrasher needs to take some lessons from Team Rocket.
MW: AUGH HER FACE, THAT FIRST PANEL! SHE’S STARING INTO MY SOUL! MAKE IT STOP!!!!
Zits: Who plans for prom? Not teenage boys, I can tell you that much. Don’t even bother going, Jeremy, prom is the stupidest thing ever.
ShrugMay 17th, 2011 at 12:27 pm [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#34):
“I remembered when I was a kid and I first heard the Sheb Wooley novelty song “Purple People Eater” I was left a little confused because they phrasing of the chorus made it sound like the people were purple, and not the ‘eater’….”
Everything you wanted to know about deconstructing purple people eaters/eating:
http://fanac.org/fanzines/SF_Five_Yearly/sffy11-08.html
KarMannMay 17th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]
Lockhorns: OK, the Shatner is all well and good, but you know what hairpiece in the window would really trump all the rest? Oops, I’ve said too much.
bats :[May 17th, 2011 at 12:33 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#70): maybe George’s stuff contributes to the soundtrack…
Uncle LumpyMay 17th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#116):
@Katy (#137):
***
Alan: Come down off that ledge, because my organ is on fire …
Emma: … [ smiles demurely; extends hand]
May 17th, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#133): What I find especially (delightfully) bizarre is that he looks like he just elbowed, hip-checked, and body-slammed his way through the blue people to the bouquet and and is now going to spike it in triumph. I hope tomorrow shows him grinding those white roses under his heel as he flexes and screams “RAAAWR!” … causing Lu Ann’s head to bobble with shock and Margo’s with arousal.
mvgMay 17th, 2011 at 12:38 pm [Reply]
A different JD (95): “The Wizard of Id is supposed to take place in some imaginary medieval time, when people ride horses and carry spears, right? So what how the hell could there be an electric lamp on the Wizard’s bedside dresser? (Not to mention, What are they doing with indoor plumbing?)”
Perhaps that doorway leads to a garderobe, rather than a modern bathroom. As for the lamp… hell, I got nothing.
A3G: I hope Paul & Trey will be very happy together in that little bungalow in Hoboken.
RMMD: OK, the cleaning lady is desperate enough to want to get jiggy w/the 3-time-loser safecracker she just mop-smacked. Can we be more than a week away from her hooking up w/Dexter?
Chyron HRMay 17th, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]
FW – I see your problem here, pal. Your book’s been optioned by “Hollwood“.
FW Postscript – By the way, you know what other unartistic clod thought that Lisa should survive her cancer? Tom Batiuk. Oh, yes he DID. She went into remission and was perfectly healthy for years until his own bout of easily operable prostate cancer somehow gave him the idea that real cancer must be 100% terminal.
DoodMay 17th, 2011 at 12:50 pm [Reply]
The background blue people in Apartment 3-G look like members of Hilary Forth’s softball team.
Red GreenbackMay 17th, 2011 at 12:55 pm [Reply]
I once found a shatner sitting on my toilet. After I caught it (!!), I killed it, bowed my head and prayed for its long journey home.
FrancisMay 17th, 2011 at 12:55 pm [Reply]
Hootin’ Holler is so backward, the preacher thinks New Wave hits of the 80s are part of current pop culture!
DoodMay 17th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]
@Francis (#150): Pastor Tuttle’s channeling David Byrne and the Talking Heads: “Us’ns are on thar road to nowheres. Hah!”
ShrugMay 17th, 2011 at 1:06 pm [Reply]
@Scott Bot (#73):
“I’m kind of disappointed that Dot and Tot Bot are done with kindergarten; I would have loved to say that my kids went to Gomer Elementary School.”
It’s also too late for you to move to St Paul MN so they could go to Cretin High School. (It was merged and renamed “Cretin-Derham” in 1987.)
HibbletonMay 17th, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]
A3G, aka: Doris the Dim-Witted Bride: Doris lets out a Wilhelm scream as Margo rips off her glasses and exclaims “The women are over there, Magoo”
The Party SimMay 17th, 2011 at 1:19 pm [Reply]
MW: Obviously nurse Liza is trying to throw Drew off the trail by appearing as her evil twin, nurse Lisa.
Baka GaijinMay 17th, 2011 at 1:20 pm [Reply]
@pugfuggly (#38): “Fun fact: while a gargoyle’s face is ugly as sin, his turds are as bright and shiny as a summer’s day.” That’ll be the next Snapple Fact I read off a bottle top.
@KarMann (#61): “And speaking of things seen on Facebook…” Words never to pass Mary Worth’s lips, along with, “There I was, minding my own business…”
@Not just any Dipstick (#75): “Mark will soon give up yelling, and simply build a house in the humongous pit out of dog poop.” If Mark’s lucky someone will drop Marvin down there to make the house into a mansion.
@Esther Blodgett (#98): Best Use of a(n) Euphemism in a CC Comment-”Minor surgery, but in a, you know, sensitive area. Let us say, in the Seth zone.”
@Austria (#140): “Why’d they stop putting prizes in cereal boxes, anyway?” Kids are too fat. They buy the sugary cereal that has the best prize instead of the best nutrition or some hooey like that. It’s just as well they stopped. The last time I got a box of cereal with a prize, it was in a plastic pouch between the box and cereal bag. No digging or anything. What’s the fun in that?
@Hibbleton (#153): “Doris lets out a Wilhelm scream as Margo rips off her glasses and exclaims ‘The women are over there, Magoo.’” I would pay to see that.
ShrugMay 17th, 2011 at 1:22 pm [Reply]
Today’s MARK TRAIL is only slightly hilarious (by the admittedly high standard of the last few strips), but I’m really impressed by the look on Andy’s face in the second panel. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dog so obviously thinking “Well, D’UH, you moron!” in dog language before.
bats :[May 17th, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]
Good lord! Could it be?!? NOT to have been wallowing a decade in crippling, self-pitying grief?!?
Baka GaijinMay 17th, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]
Since everyone’s sharing their wedding stories, at the funniest one I attended, we were about 5 seconds away from calling in snipers to cull the herd fighting over the bouquet. The main event in Wrestlemania XII was a thinly-veiled copy of that brawl.
commodorejohnMay 17th, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]
DT – “Tracy? That crazy cop? The one who leaves a trail of corpses in his wake? Who solves a murder mystery with more murder? Christ, I’m getting out of here!”
FW – Ohhhh Jesus. This is going to be everything we said it would be and more, isn’t it?
JP – That look in panel three is what happens when someone’s eyes roll so far back that they snap loose from their moorings and float idly around the sockets.
Luann – *vomit*
MT – “Well, I was going to leave you to die on the mountain, but if you say you’re my friends, well, that changes things! Come on up! I’ve made acorn-flour pancakes!”
Phantom – “Sure, large mysterious man in purple spandex and stripey shorts! I’ll definitely run off into the wilderness with this wolf! No way could this possibly go wrong!”
Pluggers – He wants her help in “cleaning the garage?” NO NO NO NO NO DON’T THINK IT DON’T AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH
Popeye – Well this is a cheery develpoment.
RMMD – And yet again Woody Wilson’s minor characters are six quadrillion times more interesting than his regulars. Who wouldn’t want to read the story of Don Knotts the safecracker and the cleaning lady who loves him?
SequelManMay 17th, 2011 at 1:36 pm [Reply]
@Dood (#23): OK… other directors…. in the Steven Spielberg “Lisa’s Story”, she doesn’t get cancer, she just walks off into the open hatch of an alien ship… in the Quentin Tarrentino “L.S.” they carve a large C in her forehead before she drops over… in the Hitchcock “L.S.” she doesn’t actually get cancer until the end of the movie, but the audience sees the cancerous McGuffin right from the start, probably sitting under a table, so we get to stew over it for the next two hours… and Francois Truffaut’s Cannes-winninig “L.S.” turns out to be a funny and heartwarming movie about making a movie about someone who dies of cancer.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 17th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]
@Francis (#150): Life is so strange.
cheech wizardMay 17th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]
Phantom – “Hey, you’re not the Jungle Patrol. The Jungle Patrol has these two hot babes who work this sector. Why do you think I let myself get kidnapped by those morons in the first place?”
spikeMay 17th, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]
@jayjaybear (#27): Re: A#G: On the bright side, Lu Ann’s already got that spiffy bridesmaid gown on, so she can be part of yet another wedding.
Baka GaijinMay 17th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]
Luann: Miss Phelps, seeing the supple seductive Sweet Sixteen on her desk, gets a tingling deep in her loins that Mr. Fogarty never caused, even with his long hairy…mustache.
UncleJeffMay 17th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]
Woody Allen’s LS would end in an argument between Woody and Les over who is the more pretentious.
For revenge, Woody tacks on an ending similar to his own “Love and Death” with Lisa and Masky McDeath dancing wildly through a forest of trees to the theme song for “The Benny Hill Show”.
May 17th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#155): I agree about the cereal/prize. That’s bullshit not putting it in the cereal.
LiamMay 17th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]
MW-Drew, it is obvious that Liza is not okay. She has the look of a person holding back the awful reality of a situation with a pleasent fantasy.
Baka GaijinMay 17th, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]
Baby Blues: Daddy says that like it’s a bad thing.
Oh, Brother!: Good thing she wasn’t carrying a warm cherry pie.
Nancy: Aunt Ritzy, boobilicious!
Comcis FanMay 17th, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]
Blondie: This is one of those wonderfully mysterious, existential, Owl Period, nouveau Blondies. Look at the door knob without a door. I don’t know why it works, yet there it is. It works.
This GuyMay 17th, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]
Doones: Now, you might think that Zonker is taking unfair advantage here, but it’s considered rude to question another’s religious beliefs, so his hands are pretty much tied.
GF: A “nerd burger” would know that that meme is waaaaay played out (even in 2009, when this strip originally ran.)
HotC: How many hilarious hijinks could be averted if schoolchildren would just address and sign their notes?
NS: There’s cynicism, and then there’s being a fucking moron. Sure, Wiley, it was all down to our horrible bloodlust being left unsated on a lifeless worldlet, and nothing to do with the increasing complacency and short-sightedness of the general public.
RwO: A call-out for being made of win today.
Baka GaijinMay 17th, 2011 at 1:53 pm [Reply]
@Maggie the Cat (#166): Kids nowadays. What a life. No prizes in the cereal, Cracker Jack prizes are made of paper and cardboard, and they can see cartoons 24 hours a day. Where’s the fun?
New York in a boxMay 17th, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]
Hey, Dagwood! I got cha prize RIGHT HERE!
Baka GaijinMay 17th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]
Mary Worth: Somehow I don’t think the Dr. Corey the Younger will end up like this.
Effluvius ErratusMay 17th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#159):
FW – Ohhhh Jesus. This is going to be everything we said it would be and more, isn’t it?
I KNOW! It’s like Fan Service, but for the opposite of fans. And the opposite of service.
Anyway, what I find especially annoying is that he already did this schtick with the book tour, but you just know he’s just going to keep going over the same tired ground with the movie, the novelization of the movie, the comic book adaptation of the novelization, the video game tie-in based on the comic book, the Happy Meal plush toys, the GlaxoSmithKline’s commmorative chemo IV bottles, etc., and even though Les will have okayed each step, he’ll still piss and moan all the way to bank about how no one understands the pain of losing a loved one to cancer.
UncleJeffMay 17th, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]
@Shrug (#152): A friend of mine from New York City took pictures of Cretin High football players and sent them back to his buddies in Queens.
He said he told them Minnesotans are very organized. They label and number everybody.
May 17th, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]
UncleJeff (165): ‘the theme song for “The Benny Hill Show”.’
That would be “Yakkety-Sax.”
Comcis Fan (169): “Blondie: This is one of those wonderfully mysterious, existential, Owl Period, nouveau Blondies. Look at the door knob without a door. I don’t know why it works, yet there it is. It works.”
I hope you’re not insinuating there are too many knobs in Blondie. Cuz I have a problem w/that.
Écureuil ÉcumantMay 17th, 2011 at 2:09 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#137): Nope, never had my organ catch on fire but it does remind me of the old Playboy joke (“Do you smoke after sex?” “I dunno, I never looked.”) Both electronic and pipe organs have electric doodaddies in ‘em, and yes, they can catch fire but usually from overheating rather than frayed insulation.
My memorable wedding organ failure experience came when I’d played mood music and preludes for 20 minutes and it was time for the processional. Ten seconds after I’d cranked up the volume and started, the organ quit playing and I heard the compressor that blows air through the pipes spinning to a stop. The circuit breaker had tripped. I ran out the side of the church, opened the panel and flipped the breaker back, ran back to the organ and started again with the same results.
After five minutes of stop-and-go I found that the caterers had rigged an extension cord to a socket in the same circuit (in a different room) and were trying to brew three industrial-sized coffeepots when I cranked up the organ.
We did set fire to the Christmas holly on the altar once by putting it too close to the candles, and set fire to the astroturf rug on the front steps likewise by putting the incense burner down on it during Easter sunrise service. We save that stuff for big occasions as a rule.
cheech wizardMay 17th, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#113)
@Ned Ryerson (#106):
Mike Mulligan was my favorite book as a preschooler. I even had a little toy steam shovel that I named Mary Anne. I came across a copy of the book a couple years ago, started flipping through it and was shocked to come across the drawing of the scrapyard of all the junked old steam engines, with death masks on their “faces.” I’d forgotten about that. Kid’s books used to be a lot harsher than they are today.
Uncle LumpyMay 17th, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#177):
Church electrical systems are designed to give believers a foretaste of hell.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 17th, 2011 at 2:16 pm [Reply]
@Ned Ryerson (#106): My favorite bit from the Captain Kangeroo show was that story.
*warm fuzzies*
commodorejohnMay 17th, 2011 at 2:17 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#137): If it was an older organ, it might have had that oldschool cloth-insulated wiring in it – you know, the kind where the insulation disintegrates like a mummy’s bandages over the fifty years it’s in service, and you’re left with a rat’s nest of bare wiring just waiting to cause an electrical fire. (Add to that the fact that there’s moving parts that you need to keep oiled, and it’s kind of surprising they don’t catch fire more often.)
Uncle LumpyMay 17th, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#178):
Anybody who liked Mike Mulligan will probably like Iron Man (the book) or The Iron Giant (the movie).
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 17th, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]
@Austria (#140): re MT: well, blasting off at the speed of light would get them out of the pit. . . . (Cherry dressed as Jesse, now that would be a brain-hurting thing.)
commodorejohnMay 17th, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#113): Aww man, I remember that book! What a classic.
Phred22May 17th, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]
JP: Maybe we were destined to be here together. (?) He might be thinking her expression suggests an orgasm. As an old fart myself, I could buy that.
Uncle LumpyMay 17th, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#181):
… oldschool cloth-insulated wiring …
The kind mice looooove …
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 17th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]
@Ed Power, Cage Writer (#82): I’m liking the repeats, and missing your posts. Hope things are going well IRL, and that rMC is getting massive hits on gocomics.
I also hope that you saw the links to some of Norms baby pics the past couple of days. :-D
cheech wizardMay 17th, 2011 at 2:23 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#182): Loved The Iron Giant, especially some of the little period touches like the bike the kid is riding at the beginning. Never read Iron Man, but I really dug the song back in high school.
Little GuyMay 17th, 2011 at 2:32 pm [Reply]
@wossname (#5): Unseen fourth panel: Rat with a baseball bat looking at Evans.
nomuseMay 17th, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]
Lockhorns — “The Shatner” looks like what he was wearing in the Star Trek movies. Which is still pretty up-to-date for a newspaper strip!
Snuffy — is the Preacher making the Devil’s Horns with both hands, or does everyone in this strip hold their hands like that anyhow? Could be a clue. Or he’s channeling Ted Nugent.
Artist formerly known as BenMay 17th, 2011 at 2:34 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#43): In other words: Don’t blow your cover, cover your blow.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 17th, 2011 at 2:35 pm [Reply]
@Esther Blodgett (#98): I’m off to the hospital to gnaw on my nails while Beloved Spouse goes under the knife.
Wishing you a boring time, and not too long. Best wishes to Beloved S.
@Uncle Lumpy (#113): Also, steam!
You should go see the annual steam festival at, um, Surrey (near Smithfield, anyway) Virginia. We went several times. There were tractors and such, and an entire sawmill operation, all steam operated. I think there’s something like that up here, but I haven’t got that one figured out yet.
@Écureuil Écumant (#133): As a veteran organist who has trampled more than three hundred weddings under his furiously-pedaling feet…
Cool! My old mans a (church) organist too. I played a service one time, but that was on piano — filling in when their regular organist was out of town.
@Shrug (#141): Whoa! Coincidence, man. If you go to the following issue of SFFY (PDF link), you can see my illustration of a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater on page 51. (Thanks to Geri Sullivan for including stuff by me in #11 and #12.)
bats :[May 17th, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#177): and that’s why holidays are special!
bats :[May 17th, 2011 at 2:50 pm [Reply]
@cheech wizard (#178): I saw a one-hour program on Virginia Lee Burton’s life (the author of “Mike Mulligan…”) on PBS a few weeks ago, “A Sense of Place.” I guess I’d missed her books somehow, but the very few she’d written are still going gangbusters. She began writing for her sons, but they kept falling asleep when she read to them, and she changed her style so that if she could read the same book to them for several weeks without their falling asleep or getting bored, she knew she’d written a good book.
TheDivaMay 17th, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#177): And suddenly the organist showing up a half-hour late for my ceremony doesn’t seem so bad. (It actually wasn’t that bad, and I’m thankful that it was the only major crisis of the day, although I’m sure my dad running up to announce the reason for the delay probably caused some momentary panic attacks from people who assumed that one or more of the wedding party members must have been missing, ill, or fooling around behind the church.)
Baka GaijinMay 17th, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#192): on steam engines. England is swamped with working steam engines, often close to a hundred years old and older. This time of year they show up at county/country fairs. Quite impressive.
@TheDiva (#195): Who cares about the organist. Did you throw the bouquet? Did a fey man in an orange suit catch it after he broke a bridesmaid’s thumb? Dish, girl, dish!
Baka GaijinMay 17th, 2011 at 2:58 pm [Reply]
Snuffy Smith: Hook ‘em, Horns! The good pastor is a UT-Austin fan.
cheech wizardMay 17th, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]
@bats :[ (#194): Thanks for the info – I never knew who the author was or was aware of any other books she had. I’ll have to do a search on the satellite TV to see if the PBS program is going to be on again soon.
This GuyMay 17th, 2011 at 3:02 pm [Reply]
@Baka Gaijin (#197): Or a metalhead. “What can I say? Jesus is fucking metal.”
Calvin's Cardboard BoxMay 17th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]
Trust me, if your organ ever does catch on fire, you won’t forget it. Best to avoid sustained friction that might cause it to ignite.
Which brings us to 9CL
As I feared, Seth is the Burber here. Fernanda goes from slamming the door in his face to jumping on top of him and playing his organ in no time. I get the concept of hate sex, or love-hate relationships, but the reactions of the other characters make it clear that the plot is “Seth will end up wanting to have sex with her again, which will lead immediately to his having sex with her, because no human of any* gender could possibly resist a Burber-by-proxy.”
(* – Started to write “either”gender but I guess that isn’t politically correct as we are up to five genders** last I checked)
(** – Gender is properly a property of a word, not an individual. Remember – nouns have gender, people have sex.)
littlestevieMay 17th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]
MW: Is Liza going to show Drew the results of her pregnancy test? Gee Drew being a doctor and all, you might know a bit about procreation and then you would have put a helmet on your little soldier before he saw action. Now you are going to be stuck with and kid and you are going to have to deal with baby momma for the next 18 years.
RhekaridMay 17th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]
Those aren’t stink-lines, that’s stink-fire.
KatyMay 17th, 2011 at 3:09 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#186), @Écureuil Écumant (#177), @commodorejohn (#181):
Cloth-insulated wiring it was, then, and thanks for the info. I would bet a ten-spot on the insulation because the side room where we gathered? The light switchplate? Had two round holes in it for push-buttons.
The top (on) button was white, and when you pushed it, the Off button poked out with a gigantic CLACK and the lights went on. The bottom (off) button was black, and when you pushed it, the On button poked out with a resonant CLICK and the lights went off. It was like a stoplight or a railroad signal.
I am pretty sure that light-switch design became unpopular by 1932. Well, it became unpopular with most people by 1932, but it was very popular with me. I spent several fascinated minutes CLICKing and CLACKing the lights on and off until my father sharply requested me to cut it out because they could hear me in the sanctuary, even over the piano music (this was after the fire).
KatyMay 17th, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#177), @TheDiva (#195): I had no idea organs sowed such confusion and destruction. The next wedding I attend, I’m bringing a kazoo. And a helmet.
ShrugMay 17th, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#192):
“Whoa! Coincidence, man. If you go to the following issue of SFFY (PDF link), you can see my illustration of a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater on page 51.”
But — that gives us a link to find your real name. Won’t you have to kill us now?
Uncle LumpyMay 17th, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#203):
Those switches are still available. Why deprive yourself?
Effluvius ErratusMay 17th, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]
@littlestevie (#201): Just imagine the coversation with Dr. Jeff. Wait, let me imagine it for you…
Dr. Drew: But dad, I didn’t ever kiss her!
Dr. Jeff: I guess it’s time I told you, son. Babies don’t come from kissing. They come from putting your wing-wang her her hoo-haa.
Dr. Drew: But what if I only put my wing-wang in her bung-bung?
Dr. Jeff: She let you—on the first date?!? Mary won’t let me do that!
ShrugMay 17th, 2011 at 3:19 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#192):
“You should go see the annual steam festival at, um, Surrey (near Smithfield, anyway) Virginia. We went several times.”
Or for that matter the annual steam threshers convention at Rollag, MN:
http://www.rollag.com/index.php
mvgMay 17th, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]
Phred22 (185): “JP: Maybe we were destined to be here together. (?) He might be thinking her expression suggests an orgasm. As an old fart myself, I could buy that.”
Hey, the judge missed out on Jackie Thornton, the predatory, homewrecking publicist, so he’s gonna find SOME woman to bang his gavel & destroy his marriage with. He didn’t come to the big city just to watch some damn musical and sign books.
KatyMay 17th, 2011 at 3:28 pm [Reply]
@Uncle Lumpy (#206): Holy SHIT.
And if these are true to every detail, this tells me just how freaking ancient the lightswitch was that I was fooling with. It had lost the mother-of-pearl circle on the top button. Instead, the button was marked inexpertly with white paint.
Wow. I wonder if the repro switches make those resounding artillery thumps like the originals. It must have been hell trying to turn off the light in a baby’s room without waking the baby up.
commodorejohnMay 17th, 2011 at 3:30 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#203): Yep. There are so many churches whose wiring hasn’t been updated since before World War II it boggles the mind.
@Shrug (#208): Ooh. Never been there, but I did see a steam thresher once at the Cokato Corn Carnival…
LeeMay 17th, 2011 at 3:37 pm [Reply]
Doonesbury: I’ve been really amused by the whole “rapture on May 21st” thing, since that’ll be my 30th birthday. Best Present Ever?
Baka GaijinMay 17th, 2011 at 4:00 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#207): Why do I read these comments so close to bedtime. Now I’ll have Mary Worth sex dreams. Thanks Erratus!
HibbletonMay 17th, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#210):
I have a set of three new-fangled* push-button light switches in my foyer.
*My house had gas lighting before Mr. Edison came along.
TheDivaMay 17th, 2011 at 4:11 pm [Reply]
@littlestevie (#201): Or you’d think he’d know that any child which might have resulted from last weekend’s breakup sex wouldn’t be far enough along to show positive on a pregnancy test. Then again, Drew is pretty clueless regarding Liza’s severe emotional and psychological problems, so lady parts may be another section of medicine that completely mystifies him.
marindenverMay 17th, 2011 at 4:14 pm [Reply]
A3G – So, has someone explained this already and I just missed it, but how did those dresses grow puffy sleeves in place?
LiamMay 17th, 2011 at 4:20 pm [Reply]
Apartment 3G-Paul is going to make a lovely bride and judging by the fact that he caught the bouquet instead of the bridal garter means he will only be able to get married in Vermont.
sullyMay 17th, 2011 at 4:23 pm [Reply]
I can’t believe I’m commenting on something so unimportant, but if those mysterious lines emanating from the wizard’s water closet were stink lines, they would be wavy, creating the impression of a creeping reek. Of course, this being a strip of such noteworthy ineptitude, they very well may have been intended as stink lines. We may never know. Then again, it could just represent the immensity of the gargoyle’s massive member, which Mrs. Wizard has just been privy to.
ElkMeadowMay 17th, 2011 at 4:41 pm [Reply]
@sully (#218):
Privy: Toilet.
Privy: “Made a participant in knowledge of something private or secret” [*]
Looks like a pun. [*]
May 17th, 2011 at 4:44 pm [Reply]
Went into my second job interview.
Nothing tells an interviewee that you’re really not wanted for the job by giving vague directions to the interview’s location.
Nothing announces to the panel that you’re really not interested in the job than being ten minutes late, according to the clock on the office wall.
Someone once said that not getting a job is the universe’s way of keeping you out of a place that sucks. /pity party>
kanomiMay 17th, 2011 at 4:46 pm [Reply]
Crankshaft: Laugh now, but after the Peak Oil apocalypse, you too will be another starving supplicant before the great Warlord Crankshaft, trading sexual favors for more life-giving mangoes.
Mary Worth: Please offer him an engagement ring formed from your own frozen tears. Please.
Momma: Fixed.
Baka GaijinMay 17th, 2011 at 4:53 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#220): Good luck or something. I think.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 17th, 2011 at 4:55 pm [Reply]
@sully (#218):
I can’t believe I’m commenting on something so unimportant, but if those mysterious lines emanating from the wizard’s water closet were stink lines, they would be wavy, creating the impression of a creeping reek.
If stink lines are wavy, then Spider-Man has some ’splainin’ to do:
http://www.samruby.com/AmazingSpider-ManB/Large/AmazingSpider-Man128.jpg
(Shouldn’t the Vulture be the one with stink lines?)
New York in a boxMay 17th, 2011 at 4:55 pm [Reply]
@sully (#218): I got ya stink lions RIGHT HERE!
ElkMeadowMay 17th, 2011 at 5:02 pm [Reply]
@kanomi (#221):
Great job on the Momma strip.
@Baka Gaijin (#222):
Thanks. The panel passed my application to another department’s representative, who was sitting at a computer, in a closet, inputting some stuff. I might be getting a phone call from that department, maybe Friday, but I could see that she wasn’t happy about meeting me. And I’m guessing that my application papers went into the shredder after I left.
Central Oregon is the worst for job seekers. 12-14% unemployment.
May 17th, 2011 at 5:09 pm [Reply]
@sully (#218): Wouldn’t a gargoyle crap bricks or something? How do those WoI castles get built?
Fashion PoliceMay 17th, 2011 at 5:23 pm [Reply]
@marindenver (#216) asked:
A3G – So, has someone explained this already and I just missed it, but how did those dresses grow puffy sleeves in place?
The only credible explanation is that Mrs. Powers, upon seeing the horrid bridesmaid dress forced upon her for the wedding, purchased a dress to her own liking to wear at the reception. Having forgotten during her shopping excusrsion what the bridesmaid’s dress looked like, she chose an identical one, except with puffy sleeves. It is not up to us to understand why she would find the sleeveless version horrid and the puffy version attractive. This is Mrs. Powers we’re talking about.
If Miss Magee is similarly adorned in puffy sleeves we shall know something is amiss.
Sgt. StonedMay 17th, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]
MT: If somebody shouts at you from the bottom of a punji pit that they are your friend, then, obviously, they must be telling the truth.
MW: I hope the Liza’s “something” is a paternity suit.
Snuffy Smith: Sadly, I have been to a funeral in which the priest was even more certain of the dismal fate of the deceased and did little to conceal his opinion.
Dr. WeirdMay 17th, 2011 at 5:33 pm [Reply]
@AtomicDog (#83):
Non Sequitur – I can’t see today’s strip as anything but an insult to the Apollo program.
Nonsense! It’s meant as an insult to men as a whole. Wiley regularly portrays the entire gender to be base, crude monsters, so anything men do has to be tainted by that. There’s certainly a lot to hate on the comics page, but I think Wiley is the only one putting out actual hateful material.
littlestevieMay 17th, 2011 at 5:35 pm [Reply]
@Effluvius Erratus (#207): But I bet that Dr. Jeff and Mary found some new and exciting uses for the defibrillator that he keeps next to the bed.
commodorejohnMay 17th, 2011 at 5:38 pm [Reply]
@Dr. Weird (#229): I stopped reading Non Sequitur a couple years ago, and I’m still mystified by Wiley’s attitude towards men. He writes like what fringe ultra-conservatives think feminists are like. Has he just forgotten that he himself is in possession of a block and tackle?
…or is he? Best not to ponder it.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 17th, 2011 at 5:50 pm [Reply]
@mvg (#176):
The Benny Hill Show’s “Yakety Sax” rhymes with the name of this 1930s Victor McLaglen gangster film:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0023367/
(I have to wonder if Rackety Rax managed to worm its way into the subconscious of “Yakety Sax” composers Boots Randolph and John Rich!)
Effluvius ErratusMay 17th, 2011 at 6:02 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#232): I went to a rackety Rax once. Got a bad case of e. coli from the roast beef sandwich.
ElkMeadowMay 17th, 2011 at 6:10 pm [Reply]
@Lee (#212):
COOL!!! I’ll be staying on the planet–so will you be flying or watching?
VioletMay 17th, 2011 at 6:13 pm [Reply]
I don’t see that Travis could possibly be on his way to hell from Hootin’ Holler. The preacher specifically said it was a long journey.
Red GreenbackMay 17th, 2011 at 6:15 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#232): Was Rackety Rax written by Scooby-Doo and Astro by any chance?
VioletMay 17th, 2011 at 6:47 pm [Reply]
The Hollywood types were actually fine with keeping Lisa’s Story basically intact with the proviso that it star Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher so that “people won’t be that bummed out when it ends tragically.”
KatyMay 17th, 2011 at 6:56 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#225): Twelve to fourteen percent? Keeryst. I’m not sure what the unemployment rate is in my area, but all the boarded-up store windows make me feel like I’m in a 30’s newsreel.
My favorite part is smiling at whomever is taking the application I’m handing over, and getting the heavy-lidded stinkeye in return. Because that person has a shitty job, but at least s/he has a job. And s/he wants to make sure I know all of that.
[Old Man] MuffarooMay 17th, 2011 at 6:59 pm [Reply]
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#200): Remember – nouns have gender, people have sex.
In McEldowney’s world, words have sex. They oil up, engage in prolonged foreplay, they do the hand jive, they hump endlessly in the room upstairs, and eventually they give birth after months and months of steadily swelling word balloons. It’s not really something you want to watch. It’s like seeing unpleasant bores going at it, or rhinos rutting.
@Shrug (#205): But — that gives us a link to find your real name. Won’t you have to kill us now?
Nah, I’ll just end the simulation.
@Katy (#210): It must have been hell trying to turn off the light in a baby’s room without waking the baby up.
I put a finger on both buttons, to slow and muffle the one coming out, and press slowly. There’s a click, but it’s not as loud as the one you get when you just whale on it.
May 17th, 2011 at 6:59 pm [Reply]
@marindenver (#216): So, has someone explained this already and I just missed it, but how did those dresses grow puffy sleeves in place?
They’re sealed at the neck and down below. If somebody passes gas in them, it has nowhere else to go.
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#232): I’m pretty sure “Rackety Rak” was also the title of a “Davey and Goliath” episode. Plus, it sounds like one of Steve Ditko’s character names.
@Red Greenback (#236): Was Rackety Rax written by Scooby-Doo and Astro by any chance?
I’m pretty sure they’re the same dog, just drawn in different styles.
May 17th, 2011 at 7:17 pm [Reply]
@TheDiva (#110): “…the whole idea of using the whole symbolic-feeding-and-nurturing gesture as an excuse to rudely smash cake in the face of one’s spouse strikes me as kind of a mixed message….”
Before we got married, I told my spouse-to-be I didn’t want to do the cake-smashing thing. It always seemed to me to be a crass desecration of a day that’s supposed to be sacred to a couple. When the time came, she smashed cake in my face against my wishes. I tried to just smile and go along with it, but I felt terribly hurt and betrayed. It still tugs a heart-string when I think about it today, nearly 25 years later. Sadly, it wasn’t my first sign that marriage wasn’t going to last.
KarMannMay 17th, 2011 at 7:39 pm [Reply]
@Lee (#212): My 30th was Dec. 31, 1999, so yeah, I know the feeling. Go, Y2K bug!
commodorejohnMay 17th, 2011 at 7:41 pm [Reply]
@Old School Allie Cat (#97), @TheDiva (#110), @Cloudbuster (#241): It’s good to know that I’m not the only person who finds the idea off-putting and gross. (And a waste of cake.) (And something that seems more like something you’d find on someone’s fetish-centric deviantArt gallery than at an actual, real-world wedding.)
CanuckDownSouthMay 17th, 2011 at 8:28 pm [Reply]
@commodorejohn (#243): I’ve attended several weddings and thankfully *nobody* tried the cake-smash. Revolting message and if the cake’s any good, a terrible waste.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 17th, 2011 at 8:31 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#240):
Also worth noting… “Rackety-Rax Racket” was the title of a 1940s Batman vs. Joker story (reprinted in #257):
http://i445.photobucket.com/albums/qq175/mathewcmills/Rackety%20Rax%20Racket/Batman257-85.jpg
The RidgerMay 17th, 2011 at 8:37 pm [Reply]
@A different JD (#95): there’s a beautiful and ostensibly brilliant research scientist about to kill herself in despair because members of her research team died in the tsunami, and she blames her self. And what does this truly sensitive soul do when not on the brink of despair? She designs increasingly effective ways to kill people, then sells the product to the highest bidder. So you can see where a few deaths would deeply affect her. Perhaps she has a small monkeysphere – her research team are people (whom she knew, in fact) but those who die from her weapons are just … not. They’re the Other.
Rocky StoneaxeMay 17th, 2011 at 8:45 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#240):
The Scooby Doo-Astro Debate:
http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Scooby-and-Astro-Debate-debate-236038_240_323.jpg
greghousesgfMay 17th, 2011 at 8:53 pm [Reply]
@jvwalt (#74): “No soap radio” is supposed to be avant garde? I always thought it was a form of scapegoating, you know, tell the person you don’t like a joke that makes no sense so you can pretend it makes perfect sense in order to make them feel stupid for not understanding it.
Which pretty much seems to sum up a lot of these strips.
May 17th, 2011 at 9:08 pm [Reply]
MW: Someone needs to correct Liza’s scrubs, so that they say I’m NOT LISA.
I would say the misspelling of her name in the art would be a plot clue, but it’s really a clue that the strip is poorly drawn and plotted, and the artists involved take absolutely no pride in their work. To call this kind of work ‘going through the motions’ is an insult to motions and ‘going through’. And ‘the’.
Mark BMay 17th, 2011 at 9:10 pm [Reply]
Maybe Mary Worth will show up and get Liza the correct scrubs and fix all of this with a long overdue spate of meddling!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 17th, 2011 at 9:19 pm [Reply]
@Rocky Stoneaxe (#247): wow. all of the suck, without Hilburn’s name attached.
(not slammin’ you, Rocky, for the link, just the artist for not being Larson. . . .)
ElkMeadowMay 17th, 2011 at 9:32 pm [Reply]
@Écureuil Écumant (#177):
After five minutes of stop-and-go I found that the caterers had rigged an extension cord to a socket in the same circuit (in a different room) and were trying to brew three industrial-sized coffeepots when I cranked up the organ.
ElkMeadowMay 17th, 2011 at 9:34 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#252):
Whoops. Didn’t finish. Our school had every outlet with a split wire. Whenever anyone plugged in a movie projector in the next room, our classroom clock quit as they were one the same wire, overheating.
KarmynMay 17th, 2011 at 9:35 pm [Reply]
@ScienceGiant (#26): Oh, she’s an alien from the Invaders. Quick, call Roy Thinnes.
Jamus The BartenderMay 17th, 2011 at 9:37 pm [Reply]
Mary Worth: Doctor Drew….if Liza is offering you a linen closet BJ….say “no”.
bats :[May 17th, 2011 at 9:40 pm [Reply]
@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#240): Astro is the Scooby Doo of the Future!
Jamus The BartenderMay 17th, 2011 at 9:40 pm [Reply]
FW: Well, you could get some indy kid fresh out of film school to do it. Those kids still have some integrity. True, Lisa will probably wind up in her underwear, smoking cigarettes, in soft focus, eating some kind of broth, staring out into nothingness for forty minutes, but she’ll most likely be dead afterwards, which seems to be what you’re after, Les.
ElkMeadowMay 17th, 2011 at 9:41 pm [Reply]
@Katy (#238):
My favorite part is smiling at whomever is taking the application I’m handing over, and getting the heavy-lidded stinkeye in return. Because that person has a shitty job, but at least s/he has a job. And s/he wants to make sure I know all of that.
I think that the people I dealt with today were definitely in that pool. Only they were the ones who had the power to hire, and if they didn’t want to, to kick you in the teeth to get the message across.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 17th, 2011 at 9:45 pm [Reply]
@Jamus The Bartender (#257): “lesbians eating pudding” I believe the phrase was. . . .
(South Park joke, please don’t shoot.)
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 17th, 2011 at 9:47 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#259): close.
“gay cowboys eating pudding”
ah well, guess it’s closer to a 9CL ref then. . . .
Jamus The BartenderMay 17th, 2011 at 9:50 pm [Reply]
Lockhorns: ” It’s NOT ‘The Bro”, it’s ‘THE MANS-SIERRE’ !”
Jamus The BartenderMay 17th, 2011 at 9:52 pm [Reply]
@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#260): South Park would have these people for dinner. Literally.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii CommandoMay 17th, 2011 at 9:59 pm [Reply]
@Jamus The Bartender (#262): with chocolate salty balls for dessert. . . . .
MibbitmakerMay 17th, 2011 at 10:10 pm [Reply]
@Mark B (#249):
Someone needs to correct Liza’s scrubs, so that they say I’m NOT LISA.
But then her real name would be Julie — though that’d sure spell out her psychosis, most likely (and that I have way too good a memory for corny ’70s top 40 music.
1975, to be precise. <—– SEE?!).
May 17th, 2011 at 10:18 pm [Reply]
Luann: I believe they call this “Getting Crap Past The Radar” over at Tropes. Well played, Mister Evans.
Mark BMay 17th, 2011 at 10:23 pm [Reply]
@Mibbitmaker (#264): In this version sung by Tanya Tucker, she changed the lyrics to “Im not Lisa … My name is Tanya”. But this one by Jessi Colter uses the correct lyrics. It’s kind of a slow version, but since Jessi helped Waylon get clean, I’ll forgive her. Amazing you remembered the lyrics, I didn’t.
LeeMay 17th, 2011 at 10:34 pm [Reply]
@ElkMeadow (#234): Hehe, watching for sure!
Please read the posting and discussion policies before posting. You are not required to supply an e-mail address to comment; however, doing so decreases the likelihood of your comment being flagged as spam. E-mail addresses will never be made public or seen by anyone but the site writers, who may use them to communicate with commentors. Leave a Reply« Name
« Website
Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. If you are HTML-savvy, you can use the following tags:
« Rustic corpse management 
Like the site? Say it with cash! Your generous contributions keep this site strong and independent. Thanks! You too can advertise on blogs All the cool kids… 
…buy Comics Curmudgeon merchandise!
Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery This is pretty much the worst Gil Thorp plot ever made Posting and discussion policies Privacy policy Email Josh Mobile / Lo-Fi Version All post content © 2004–2011 Joshua Fruhlinger. Comics reproduced here for purposes of review only, and all rights remain with their creators; please don't sue me. All comments remain the property and responsibility of those who posted them. Blog powered by WordPress, which is way cool. Hosting provided by ServInt Internet Services, who are lovely people. Site designed by the charming and talented Adam Norwood; logo designed by the talented and charming Francesco Marciuliano. This blog was once known as I Read The Comics So You Don't Have To. It is in no way affiliated with Funny Paper, which used to read the comics so you don't have to, and may do so again. Are you still reading this? Why are you still reading this? A.L.
0 comments:
Post a Comment